Debate issue 15

Issue 15 | AUGUST 2013 www.ausm.org.nz

Issue 15 | AUGUST 2013 Directory

reception City Campus Level 2, WC Building 921 9805 Mon-Thurs: 9am-5pm Fri: 9am-4pm North Shore Campus Level 2, AS Building 921 9949 Mon-Fri: 11am-1pm Manukau Campus MB107 921 9999 ext 6672 Mon-Thurs: 9am-3.30pm

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Cover

Illustration by Ramina Rai p22

EDITOR

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Matthew Cattin matthew.cattin@aut.ac.nz

sub editor

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Nigel Moffiet

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designer/PHOTOGRAPHER

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Ramina Rai

contributors

Catherine Barker | Erica Donald | Hazel Buckingham | Joanne Wilkins | Kieran Bennett | Nilam Patel | Scott Yeoman | Struan Purdie

governance & leadership Kizito Essuman AuSM Student President 921 9999 ext 8571 kizito.essuman@aut.ac.nz management Sue Higgins General Manager 921 9999 ext 5111 sue.higgins@aut.ac.nz advocacy Nick Buckby Liaison Manager 921 9999 ext 8379 nick.buckby@aut.ac.nz marketing Kate Lin Sales and Marketing Co-ordinator 921 9999 ext 8909 kate.lin@aut.ac.nz events Carl Ewen Student Life Manager 921 9999 ext 8931 carl.ewen@aut.ac.nz media Matthew Cattin Publications Co-ordinator 921 9999 ext 8774 matthew.cattin@aut.ac.nz vesbar Zane Chase Vesbar Manager 921 9999 ext 8378 zane.chase@aut.ac.nz volunteers & clubs Nathan Bromberg Volunteers Coordinator 921 9999 ext 8911 nathan.bromberg@aut.ac.nz

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Illustration & Photography Annupam Singh | Ramina Rai

advertising contact p16

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Kate Lin kate.lin@aut.ac.nz

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printer

PMP Print Ltd.

publisher

AuSM all rights reserved

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5 Editorial 6 Artist of the week 8 AuSM Foam Party Pics 11 Deadliest Days In Rock 12 NIFTY NEWS 14 AuSM Updates 15 Memorandum Auckland's Got It Going On 16 Puzzle Page

17 Social Media Highlights 18 Haunted Auckland 22 An Ode To Dog Ears 24 Cults You Won't Belive Exist 26 COLUMNS 27 Top 10 Sci-Fi Films 28 Haiti's Hurt 31 Shark And Park 32 REVIEWS

This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”). Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly.

Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM.

disclaimer Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, PMP Print or its subsidiaries.

debate is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA)

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make aut your gp Domestic students who enrol with us receive free routine consultations

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enrol by 8 august and enter the draw to WIN Double movie tickets (Drawn 9 August)

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City Campus WB building North Shore Campus AS building

Level 2 Level 1

ph 921 9992 ph 921 9998

image source: flickr

by Matthew Cattin Hello all, People often ask me when I plan on moving out.

It pisses me right off.

I suppose it’s a fairly valid question seeing as though I’m 21, graduated, employed, married with kids (lol joookes) and pretty damn responsible. But it’s the asker’s tone of voice that gives away a question so loaded it’s having trouble standing upright. They always ask it exactly the same way – as if they’re questioning why I’m laying down for a nap in the middle of the road or wearing a Russell Brand shirt to a Katy Perry concert.

What’s the deal? Am I in mortal danger for relying on my folk’s hospitality after my 18th birthday? Am I at risk of suddenly turning 45, sprouting a pedo-moustache and sporting a computer tan? Norman Bates?

Never heard of him. For serious, living at home is the new moving out – Mum and Dad, I suggest you stop reading.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not totally scrounging off of my parents – I pay weekly board and supply them daily with chatter, laughs, happiness no sum of money could buy and of course, my perpetual modesty.

I also on occasion clean my room (to my standard, not my mother’s), empty the dishwasher and help with dinner amongst other ideal son duties. What do

I get in return? A roof, delicious meals, unconditional love and a bastardly cat who prostitutes his affections for food. In my opinion, that’s a pretty good deal.

You see I love my room… Within its walls is a sanctuary of music, warmth and comforts.

It’s such a lovely place that the prospect of being sent to my room as a punishment excites me – not that I’ve been sent there for a while… In the corner of my room is Bed. Bed is my friend. Bed keeps me wrapped up tightly in a warm embrace when the nights are cold and my eyelids are drooping. Next to Bed is Music Box – my best friend. Music Box is where my friends Vinyl Records and CDs go and play in perfect harmony.

Oh it’s a lovely time… Without landlords and flatmates to worry about, I can keep the room pretty much how I like it (well, depending on mum’s tolerance I suppose) and I can play music loud and obnoxiously as often as I like.

The food, too, is definitely a big draw card.

It’s dark by the time my bus thrusts me out into the cold after a day’s work, dark and cold as a witch’s teat. As I kick off my shoes in the carport, the smell of a classic Mrs Cattin meal is already massaging my senses. How it permeates glass and the walls I have no idea, but it does. Walking inside, the warmth and aroma just about bowls me over and I usually spend the next half hour loitering around the kitchen, vulturing

scraps where I can. Don’t even try and tell me flatting is this awesome – you’re wasting your breath.

And finally, the flatmates. Flatting with your parents may not sound like the coolest of pastimes but trust me on this, it’s pretty great. Mum is that thoughtful flatmate that everybody wishes they had. Late night out?

Surprise hot water bottle in bed. Long day at work? Apple crumble in the oven. She also gives me a kiss each morning before I leave for work and I reckon that’s pretty cool. Dad is the flatmate with the engineering degree who fixes everything and likes to party. He’s there at quiz night most weeks to help my mates and I and he’s always up for a live gig, often bringing the missus along too.

He does have a tendency to play The Black Keys, Vampire Weekend and Muse rather loud on the stereo – but I think that’s a habit I can live with. Maybe the most important bonus of flatting at home however is it gives me a great excuse for watching X Factor religiously, “oh yeah my parents always have it on so, you know, nothing else to do…”

So there you have it. If you’ve already fled the nest, I feel for you deeply. If you’re still living at home but ashamed to admit it, hold you head high because flatting with the folks is definitely the new buzz.

Stay classy, Matthew www.ausm.org.nz

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Artist of the week: RAMINA RAI

After searching far and wide for artists to feature, we decided to bring it closer to home this week and feature debate’s wonderful designer Ramina Rai. Ramina graduated last year with a degree in Graphic Design, majoring in pictorial studies. She also dabbles in photography & beard-lovin'!

Check out her blog: www.peachlovehearts.blogspot.co.nz 6

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PICS FROM AuSM's

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AUT CHINESE CENTRE 中文中心 Free support services for all Chinese speaking students 為華人學生提供援助的地方

Location: Phone:

WB406 (09) 921 9999 ext 8397 or 6503

Email: chinese.centre@aut.ac.nz Web: www.aut.ac.nz/student_services/chinese_centre

AuSMConnect_A3.pdf

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AT&T

international student support We can help international students with: • Support – one on one, liaison and critical incidence management • Specialist advice – orientation, accommodation, Visas on Campus, living, travelling and safety in New Zealand • Social events and workshops for professional and personal development City WB104 (09) 921 9811

North Shore AS207 (09) 921 9643

Email international.support@aut.ac.nz

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by Matthew Cattin For the uninitiated, concerts can be a pretty traumatic experience; sweaty men pumping their fists, the ebb and flow of the crowd, the claustrophobia of the crush. Usually if you just loosen up and go with the flow, everything will be breezy but sometimes, people lose their heads, things go wrong, and all of a sudden your fun night out turns to tragedy. Here are a few such occasions.

Often bandied about as the moment to end the carefree, hippy 60’s, the Altamont Free Concert in December 1969 was a disaster waiting to happen. A day long music event headlined by the Rolling Stones, more than 300,000 people crowded the Altamont Speedway. The biggest mistake of the day, and most likely the catalyst for the day’s events, was hiring Hell’s Angels gang members as security. The second biggest mistake was paying them free beer which they consumed en masse throughout the day. As the Angels got steadily drunker, the crowd too started to lose their minds on amphetamines and LSD. The Angels were using bike chains and pool cues to beat off anybody that got too close – tensions were high. A young man named Meredith Hunter pulled a revolver after an altercation with the Angels. He was quickly overpowered by a gang member, stabbed in the back and apparently stamped upon. So that was one down… Two more were killed by a hit and run and another drowned in a canal before the show was over, not to mention a load of injuries, bad trips, ugly vibes and incredibly, four births. I guess things evened out.

If I could choose my time to go, a Pearl Jam gig would be pretty high up there…

In saying that, what occurred at the 2000

Roskilde Festival in Denmark sounds far from pleasant. 45 minutes into a killer set

by Eddie Vedder and co, a bunch of concert goers all fell down at once, creating a hole in the crowd. Due to the pressure of the surge, those that fell down initially couldn’t get up and suffocated under the mass of bodies. In total, nine people were killed in the crush – an incident that made a huge impact on the band. Their song Love Boat Captain references the accident, “it’s an art to live with pain, mix the light into grey.

Lost nine friends we’ll never know, two years ago today. And if our lives became too long, would it add to our regret?”

Metal fans will remember 2004 as the year ex-Pantera guitarist Dimebag Darrell was shot and killed on stage whilst performing with his new band Damageplan. Lone gunman Nathan Gale stormed the stage mid-song and shot Darrell three times in the head, killing him in front of the audience. Dimebag’s brother and band mate Vinnie Abbott also had a front row seat to the execution from his drum kit – just imagine how scarring that would be. But killer Nathan Cole wasn’t finished – after shooting Dimebag he turned his attention to the audience, killing a further three people and injuring seven before being shot and killed by an officer. The casualties included the band’s head of security Jeff Thompson and fan Erin Halk who died trying to tackle Gale and audience member Nathan Bray who was murdered as he tried to perform CPR on the victims.

The original Woodstock of ’69 had only three deaths to its name – quite astounding considering the estimated 500,000 festival goers and the conditions they were subjected to. The tally was chalked

up with one burst appendix, one drug overdose (no surprises there) and one poor fella who was run over by a tractor whilst sleeping – the identity of the driver remains a mystery. Although not as deadly as 69, the 30th anniversary of Woodstock in ’99 has become known as ‘the day the music died’. During a performance by the Chilis, multiple bonfires were lit across the field with vandals ripping up anything they could find for fuel. The scene became increasingly violent with many alleged rapes and assaults. Eye witnesses recall seeing a crowd surfing woman pulled down onto the ground and repeatedly gang raped.

A day of peace and love indeed…

The deadliest concert in history occurred in 2003 at the Station Nightclub in Rhode Island. During a set by glam metal band Great White, poorly executed pyrotechnics ignited sound insulation foam on the venue walls, engulfing the entire venue in deadly flames in just over five minutes. Thinking it was just part of the act, the audience was initially hesitant to leave but as the flames rose higher and thick smoke filled the venue, people started to run. The exits became congested with punters trying to escape the flames and the band made a break for it. Many were trampled in the panic or crushed near the exits but by the end of the night, 100 lives were lost in the flames, including the band’s guitarist. A sad day for music indeed.

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Nifty NEWS

Internationals Drive Authorities Loco

image source: wikimedia

by Nilam Patel International students are avoiding converting their international driving permits, often waiting until they expire, because of “laziness” and money.

Vaibhav, a 23-year-old graduate, was recently disqualified from driving and handed a $400 conditional fine by the police after he was caught driving with an international licence which had expired three months earlier.

International driving permits are valid for up to one year, from the date students arrive in New Zealand. Within those 12 months they have to convert to a New Zealand license or their permits will become invalid.

When Parmindar applied for a New Zealand licence, he failed the practical test and was given a 20- day waiting period in which to re-sit the test. Until then he was only allowed to drive accompanied by a supervisor.

He admits the reason he had not obtained a New Zealand license was “laziness – nothing else.”

“It’s a hindrance in going forward. If you have to wait 20 days for a practical test, you might as well end up losing your job because you can’t drive. I’d much rather risk it and keep my (job)” said Parminder.

*Parminder, another former international student, also neglected to renew his driving license until it had almost expired in March, 2010.

“Why is it not considered dangerous within that year, when we’re actually new to NZ roads? I don’t believe it’s a risk anymore to drive in New Zealand after a year.”

As a student working part-time, Parminder says it was an additional cost he wanted to avoid as long as he could.

Whilst driving with an expired International driving permit, students risk their licence being suspended and being disqualified from driving, plus a $400 fine.

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“I was also scared of failing the theory and practical test and having to pay the fees again,” said Vaibhav. “It’s an additional expense.”

The New Zealand Transport Agency figures show that 28,712 applications were received from overseas licence holders to convert to a New Zealand license for the year ending on 30th June 2012.

However, the figures do not distinguish between a person who has applied to convert their overseas licence due to it being expired or one who has been in NZ for more than 12 months. Neither does it mean whether they have been subject to a disqualification or suspension.

If international students wish to remain in New Zealand and drive after the one-year period, they must obtain a New Zealand driver license. *names have been changed.

First Day at School? No Worries.

By Joanne Wilkins The First Year Experience Team (FYE) has employed seven new staff members to help manage an increase in demand from your lecturers to partner with them this semester . The FYE team is part of an Early Intervention Programme and is working with 55 lecturers this semester.

“Peer to peer” contact is a key aspect of the FYE’s philosophy with a multicultural array of 22 staff members; all of which are senior students or ex-graduates who may contact you to follow up on progress,

provide information and connect you to services. It is also another point of contact for you if you need information.

New FYE staff member, Robert Ring (on far left), a second year Health Promotion student, started at AUT as a refugee from South Sudan and was motivated to join the team to support new students in a similar position.

“You are helping the students with the difficulties they face… there is so much to take in in the first year.

“For myself, it was difficult knowing who

to ask or where to go especially if you don’t know where to find something.”

Lunetta Sufali (middle of front row), a third year Business student, came to New Zealand from Samoa when she was nine-years-old and didn’t see her mother again for another six years. She understands how it feels to be lonely in a new environment. “It’s very important for students to understand that AUT has services that can help them so that university isn’t such a struggle.”

Need information? Phone 09 921 9399 or email fye@aut.ac.nz

Chesdale Boys Cause Cheese Scandal

by Kieran Bennett The New Zealand cheese industry was changed forever yesterday following the sudden, shocking and altogether unpredictable scandal concerning the self-described “boys from down on the farm” Ches and Dale. Both ‘dairy farmers’ were forced to admit that despite years of lies and cover ups, neither one in fact knew their cheese.

In an emergency press conference put on by dairy industry giant Fonterra, Ches admitted “seriously, we’re just actors, not actual farmers. I don’t even really understand how we get milk”.

Fonterra CEO Theo Spierings was forced to call the press together after the hashtag #cheeseconfession became viral after Ches drunkenly tweeted “@Fonterra. We didn’t even know the first thing about cheese, it was all lies. #cheeseconfession #lies”. Two hours later the New Zealand public was demanding an explanation. Both Ches and Dale came together for the first time in 23 years after their publicly hostile spilt to field questions from a dairy-obsessed nation. Both black-singleted con artists however seemed distant and confused, Ches at one point forgetting his microphone was turned up and muttering to Dale “honestly, it’s like they’re surprised it was all an act”.

Over the next four hours Ches and Dale revealed that in 1965 they were approached by an upholstery company, Satin Couches, who wished to turn their hand to cheese making and wanted Ches and Dale’s help. Dale went on to say with what looked like the beginnings

of a migraine, “we told them we knew nothing about cheese. Nothing. We were vacuum technicians for god’s sake. But they insisted.

Apparently our names sounded good together”. Lured by promises of generous six-figure salaries, Ches and Dale went into the cheese making business; generating the yellow, flimsy slices that are so well loved today. “At one point it had cat-sick in it” recounted Ches, “in fact, it might still do. We were just making it all up as we went”.

Despite the lack of experience, Ches and Dale’s so called ‘Chesdale Cheese’ was a complete success. Satin Couches, wanting to cash in further, launched the now famous TV jingle. Both and Ches and Dale confessed to a full press gallery, including live satellite feed, that the need to lie in the ad was the real reason for their spilt and eventual departure from TV; not in fact drug abuse and ‘creative differences’.

Around six high-profile New Zealand cheeseries are reported to have immediately shut their doors and liquidated following the conference, citing lack of faith in their recipe. Cheese expert Robert Ward said in an interview “Chesdale cheese was a watershed, it changed cheese forever. Now that people know it was just a lie, there’s going to be some changes; a great many people will lose their jobs”. The effect on the economy is thought to be in the region of multiple billions of dollars, the New Zealand dollar dropping to a record low of 14% of the US dollar from its previous record high of 16%.

Ches and Dale have both apologised, however both have said that they simply “can’t live with the lies anymore”.

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SITUATIONS VACANT AT AuSM Postgraduate Affairs Officer Purpose of position: To represent the interests of all current and future Post-graduate students at AUT through the promotion of policy that encourages and maintains Post-graduate student’s interests and identity in regards to both academic and social life.

To liaise with postgraduate students keeping them informed on relevant issues and keeping the Executive Council informed regarding their requirements.

Eligibility note: Only current postgraduate students qualify for the role.

International Affairs Officer.

Purpose of position: To represent the interests of current and future International students at AUT through the promotion of policy that encourages and maintains International identity, with special emphasis on integration and participation, within the student body at AUT. Eligibility note: Only current international students may qualify for the role.

Anyone interested should write to the Executive Council via Kizito Essuman (AuSM President) by email or post. kessuman@aut.ac.nz

Updates

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AUT WC Bldg, Level 2, Wellesley St, Auckland

CAPTION CONTEST

Thank You! We would like to thank you all again for joining the AuSM Re-Orientation 2013! We couldn’t make it without all of you!!

Caption:

Stalk us on Facebook Have you found AuSM on Facebook yet? Like us at www.facebook.com/ausm1 to keep up to date with all the AuSMness we bring!

AuSM Instagram Yayya! We have an Instagram account now!

Follow us on Instagram and check out those amazing photos taken. Search us @ausm_aut and use #ausm_aut when you take photos at AUT! Poster design competition – SPCA Cupcake Day Calling all designers - AuSM proudly presents the ‘Challenge Yourself’ poster competition! Design an A3 poster for SPCA Cupcake Day for AuSM and you could take out the top prize worth over $100. This is going to be a one week challenge so show us what you’ve got – it will be a great experience too! Please email Kate - kate.lin@aut.ac for more details.

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Name: Email: Campus: Drop your entry into your nearest AuSM office, or the box on the side of the red debate stands, or email debate before 12pm Thursday. What’s up for grabs?

Two “squawk burgers” vouchers for Velvet Burger on Fort St, Auckland CBD. Issue 14 Congratulations to...

Ella Black

City Campus who scored two Squawk Burger vouchers!

What the fluff?

By Scott Yeoman

@scott_yeoman

A memorandum

Memorandum [mem-uh-ran-duh m] -noun, pl. –dums, -da 1. A short note designating something to be remembered, especially something to be done or acted upon in the future; reminder.

Don’t forget to search on YouTube for: John Key + David Letterman – case in point

There’s something deeply embedded in our Kiwi blood that makes us immune to overseas patronising. The main reason - we know we’re awesome and live in the best country in the world and so naturally, we assume most people are just jealous. But also - most of the time, we’re stoked we even got mentioned and so don’t really pay attention to what else they’re saying.

I wasn’t even born here and I still get a jolt of excitement every time I hear the words “New Zealand” on some overseas TV show.

I often don’t even notice the “little old” that usually precedes it, or the sniggers and confused looks that follow, I’m too caught up in the moment – Did Graham Norton just say WE have good wine?!!!

I often spend hours on YouTube trying to find clips in which Kiwi’s feature. John Key on the Late Show with David Letterman in 2009 is still one of my all time favourites. In hindsight and especially after recent events, this video is pure gold. I almost fell off my chair last week when I heard a jolly Mr Key say in jest to Mr Letterman, “We have the loosest slot machines in the Pacific Rim!” Something I did not notice until now.

Obviously the Lord of The Rings and Hobbit coverage was unbelievably amazing across the board. The best was that of The Colbert Report, in which host Stephen Colbert dedicated his show for a whole week to the Hobbit movie - definitely worth a watch.

There are countless others, and yes, in most of them it does seem like people are patronising us - our size, our distance from everything, our apparent anonymity to numerous silly Americans. But so what.

We are the best. In a recent top 10 list of the safest places to live in the world in 2013, we came out on top.

So really, it should be us doing the patronising. But hey, we Kiwi’s are just too nice!

Another Letterman Kiwi moment came when Morgan Freeman randomly wore our Rugby World Cup supporter’s hat on the show last year. When asked why, he simply said, “one of those things.” It was still freakin’ awesome! And news the next day.

AUCKLAND'S GOT IT GOING ON

By Mike Ross If you type 'define:' followed by a word into Google, the magical search engine will provide you with the definition of that word.

Handy, huh. Works the same with synonyms too, I believe. No more trying and failing to spell thesauraus(?).com, no more wondering what that girl meant when she called you abstemious on that dinner date, and no more scratching your head every time you need to write supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Tight.

In entirely unrelated news, here's some gigs that are on this week:

Friday - Spenda C at Goldfinch

Saturday Nouveau Disco at 1885 The quintessential place to head when out and about in Auckland town, 1885, will be transformed this Saturday into a pumping, thumping 1970's disco. Think mirrored balls, girls on rollerskates, and all your favourite disco hits. The Beegees, Chic, Rick James… bust out those flares, zoosh up that afro, and get a taste of night fever. Just $10 on the door, with Kiwi DJ legend Bevan Keys headlining.

Never heard of Spenda C before? Neither had I before I checked my Facebook events when writing this column and listened to a few of his tracks. This Aussie dude makes bass heavy tuuunes (with extra emphasis on the heavy), perfect for those of you who've latched onto the trap music trend that's sweeping Auckland's clubs. It's just a sly tenner on the door I believe, and for an international artist that's sure to bring the party, it sounds like a no-brainer. www.ausm.org.nz

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WORD J UMBLER

D E BAT E How many words of three letters or more can you find without cheating? Probably not that many‌

BRAIN TEASERS 1. If it takes six men one hour to dig six holes, how long does it take one man to dig half a hole?

2. You walk into a room with a match. In the room there is a stove, a heater and a candle.

What do you light first?

6-11 Go back to school 12-19 Average Joe 20+ You did good kid.

2.

BUR

3.

often not often

4.

GR12"AVE

5.

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CCCCCCC AAAAAAA NNNNNNN

DINGBATS ANSWERS: 1. Pat On The Back. 2. Rub The Wrong Way. 3. More Often Than Not. 4. One Foot in the Grave.5. 7 Cans.

PAT EHT

BRAIN TEASERS ANSWERS: 1.There is no such thing as a half hole. 2. The Match.

1.

#social #media #highlights

by Nigel Moffiet This week of Social Media Highlights begins with an icky racial rant as Southland man Greg Shuttleworth let loose on taxi driver Tariq Humayun. Shuttleworth called Tariq an “Islamic prick” who should “fuck off back to where [he comes] from”. Of course taxis have cameras these days to protect drivers from abusive assholes, and once uploaded the video went viral around the world.

We all bemoan the lack of privacy that exists with technology and the internet – but in this case Shuttleworth got what he deserved public humiliation.

Green: "It still begs the question though, why would you be interested in the founder of Christianity?"

Aslan: "Because it's my job as an academic. I am a professor of religion, including the New Testament. That's what I do for a living, actually."

"Is This the Most Embarrassing Interview Fox News Has Ever Done?" BuzzFeed asked in a headline.

"I'm a vet who has a Ph.D. in treating animals. Lauren Green: But you're a human. Reza Aslan: But I have a Ph.D..." Twitter from RadhikaMadhani "I have a Ph.D. in oceanography, I study the ocean. But you live on land. Yes, but my area of study is the ocean," @lamaquinapls And winding down into some light-hearted territory now…actually, no, this really looks quite heavy. Sorry.

• • David Farrier @davidfarrier Greg Shuttleworth, caught on taxi-cam being racist, is sorry for being caught - not for being racist.

=

wallacechapman @wallacelchapman Dream Monday: Greg Shuttleworth gets letter

from Immigration Minister saying he has 90 days to get back to England

Unfortunately, more ignorance makes social media highlights this week featuring a cringe-worthy Fox interview – this might sound like typical Fox News territory but even by Murdoch’s shitty standards, people said this was bad.

Lauren Green, the religion correspondent for Fox News interviewed Reza Aslan, an Iranian-American and best-selling author and respected scholar of religion. Green couldn’t comprehend why a Muslim would write about Jesus. This basically sums up the Fox mindset: anything outside one’s familiar surroundings is hostile and shouldn’t be touched.

Hugh Jackman@RealHughJackman If the bar ain't bendin, then you're just pretendin #xmen #daysoffuturepast

7,290 RETWEETS 5,001 FAVORITES

The above pic was tweeted by Hugh Jackman proving that he really is a superhero. That’s estimated to be more than 200kg or as BuzzFeed estimates the equivalent of four Shakiras.

And the Big Day Out is back in Auckland with the announcement of the exciting line-up. Fun times ahead! Peal Jam, Arcade Fire, Snoop Dogg/Lion, Blur and more…

Phoenix Foundation @phoenixfound So excited to playing this summers BIG DAY OUT NZ! However tickets are bloody expensive….

Guy Williams@guywilliamsguy Big Day Out leaves... Everyone is angry... Big Day Out returns at a higher price... Everyone is angry...

In conclusion... Everyone is angry.

Martyn Bradbury @CitizenBomber

For $185, Big Day Out would need to headline

Sinatra, Elvis, RATM and Jesus Christ with his

back up band, 'the second coming' www.ausm.org.nz

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{

The Old Man in the Bookshop Haunted Auckland is a team of ghost hunters that carry out detailed investigations of reported paranormal activity.

Volunteering outside their day jobs, the group members have been called upon by a number of families desperate for answers. Yet, as the group has found, sometimes there is more to the mystery than a possible ghost sighting.

Do some people have a sixth sense? Is there a psychological explanation? Is there something going on that our current science can’t explain? When the group investigated Onehunga‘s Hard to Find Bookshop all these questions were raised, some local history was revealed, and the never ending list of questions continued. But even the sceptics admit: There is something there but we can’t quite explain it…yet.

{

by Nigel Moffiet He appears upstairs amongst the rows of second hand books in Onehunga’s Hard to Find Bookshop – up the softly lit wooden steps and past the old black and white Maori portraits hanging on the wall.

He is described as an old man with a check coat, bowler hat, bow tie and moustache – a late 19th century look. One evening, the shop was already locked up for the night and owner Warwick Jordan thought he was the only one in the building until he saw the man just standing there, looking at all the titles on the shelves. Jordan was hardly thinking when he said to the gentleman: “Oh, excuse me, but we’re closed.” He explains: “And he sort of looked at me and I blinked and then he wasn’t there.”

So what was it?

“I can’t explain it. I don’t attempt to explain it. I don’t call it a ghost – it could be an aberration of my mind,” says Jordan, emphatically.

But if he’s firm on anything it’s this: “I don’t believe or disbelieve… I just see what I see.”

But there is one group determined to find an explanation. Haunted Auckland formed two years ago when founder Mark Wallbank pulled a team of ghost hunters together through internet discussion forums and word of mouth. Wallbank says the 11 members of the team were chosen for showing a genuine interest in the paranormal – even if some were more doubtful than others.

“You’ve got to be a little bit sceptical about it,” says Wallbank. “You can’t just accept everything.”

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Matthew Tyler is perhaps the team’s biggest sceptic. This is influenced by his day job as a business analyst. “My role [at work] is very numbers based so I’m quite logical about things,” he says.

After years of researching the paranormal, Tyler is leaning towards the conclusion that there is a psychological explanation. Although he doesn’t believe in ghosts he admits there is something going on that can’t be accounted for.

It’s the unknown that fuels his interest.

“Ever since recorded history people have been reporting ghosts. I’m in it to try and work out what these things are. If people are seeing them is it something that is physically present? Is it something psychological or something that our current science can’t quite explain?” he says.

Regardless of each member’s philosophy, they take the research seriously. As volunteers, they carry out investigations after work and on weekends.

Tyler says when he met Wallbank it was agreed the group should be set up professionally.

“We didn’t want to be like some of these groups just swanning around cemeteries on the weekends. We actually wanted to get proper research and investigations going and have a look into these so called haunted places.”

And it’s not Wallbank’s first ghost hunting group either.

In the ‘80s he honed his skills with friends around the neighbourhood. “We were just a small bunch of teenagers that used to run around old houses with flash lights and cameras.”

That group soon fizzled out but Wallbank persevered. He was hooked on the mysteries and continued investigating on his own for the next 20 years – learning the skills. It’s about “going out there and doing it”, he says. “Knowing how to use your camera, knowing how to record, knowing what to listen for… doing research.”

Whatever it is lurking, there’s a lot of technology to capture it: Electro-magnetic field meters, ultraviolet torches and infrared torches, motion detectors, parabolic audio receivers, laser grids, cell sensors, tri-field meters and other instruments useful for measuring extrasensory details.

was just becoming a nervous wreck,” explains Wallbank.

“He thought there were intruders in his house and he kept seeing these shadows in his room, so he ended up having big knives around the place…right beside his bed there would be a giant knife.”

But as Wallbank has learned, there are many explanations for ghost sightings and in this case it was clear the man needed help beyond the capabilities of Haunted Auckland.

“We looked into it and we found out that really all the symptoms he was having pointed towards sleep disorder. So we basically said ‘perhaps you can try go to a sleep therapist and see how that goes’ and it seems to have worked.”

This can also explain the ice cold chill that suddenly appears in a warm room.

As Tyler points out, the group is not set up for the sole purpose of uncovering mysteries – it’s about helping people also. If there is possible paranormal activity in someone’s home, the group aims to “make their home more comfortable”. This is achieved by getting rid of the unwanted spirits or by simply listening to a family’s story.

“Sometimes they just need someone to listen to them and explain to them that they aren’t crazy, that these things happen, they’re not hearing things. But also to help them take back their home.

Ultimately, if these are entities, well, we’ve got to tell them to move on.”

“Perhaps there is a spirit drawing energy out of the atmosphere which basically makes a cold spot.”

Telling a ghost to move on might be daunting for many but it helps that one member of the group is a witch.

Over the two years, Haunted Auckland has investigated a number of private homes, community halls, historical buildings, businesses, churches, cemeteries and museums around New Zealand. Some notable investigations include Auckland’s Smith& Caughey's department store, the Civic Theatre, and Kingseat hospital.

Karen Williams has been with the group from the start. Despite the negative connotations associated with the word she doesn’t hide the fact she’s a witch: “Well, it’s something that I am,” she says quite simply.

The theory is that spirits (or whatever the presence might be) manipulate surrounding energy to communicate.

“Because spirits aren’t physical bodies with mouths and heads and flesh and bone they have to use anything they can to try and present themselves,” says Wallbank.

The group’s investigations are free and they have been contacted by fearful and distraught families. People who are genuinely scared.

“We haven’t had any crack pots ring up really,” says Wallbank, relieved. “They’re all sorts of generous family households – husband, wife and a couple of kids.”

“Ever since recorded history people have been reporting ghosts. I’m in it to try and work out what these things are. If people are seeing them is it something that is physically present? Is it something psychological or something that our current science can’t quite explain?”

Their stories have similar themes: moving objects, loud noises, whispering, growling, shadows, footsteps, and frightened children.

“There was [an investigation] recently where a grandmother would see this little girl walk into her room and throw her vase. [The family] would see a short shadow roaming the house all the time, they would hear little footsteps, the little pitter-patter of footsteps,” explains Wallbank.

Some people have even reported being physically tormented.

Wallbank explains the details of a man who contacted the group to say he was waking at three a.m. every morning to find people walking around his room and a tall women standing in his doorway.

It affected him emotionally to the point he became an alcoholic. He had a bottle of wine beside his bed because he couldn’t sleep. “He

“It’s something that I’m very proud of and I have been initiated and trained in what we call ‘the Craft’ with a capital C.” Williams grew up in England with a younger sister. They both experienced paranormal activity but never spoke about it until they got older and moved out of home. It was only after talking about it years later they realised they experienced similar things. They would see ghosts, their belongings would always go missing and there were two particular rooms they were both “nervous” of.

Furthermore, being a witch is something that’s in the family.

“I have a traditional lineage which stretches back to the UK,” says Williams.

It’s an “initiated tradition” which means she is “oath bound” – she can’t give us too many details.

Although, she does offer a brief description.

“One of the things that I do and is part of me being a witch is magik with a ‘K’, which distinguishes it from magic with a ‘C’.”

The magik involves taking control of the core elements: earth, air, fire and water. It’s about “manipulating energy”, says Williams.

These principles revolve around what she calls “the maxim of the Magus” – ancient witchcraft wisdom.

So, when the group is called up to help people with unwanted spirits, Williams takes control of the “elemental cleansings” which she describes as a “very gentle process”.

“Someone who comes from a religious background will notice that it’s quite similar to holy water,” she says, describing part of the process. If this process is not enough to expel the spirits, then in some cases “a more serious approach” is needed – a “banishing ritual”. This takes quite a bit more training and aggression. It’s loud and “you could use the word ‘chanting’”, she says.

Wallbank admits he doesn’t fully understand these cleansings but is fascinated with Williams’ skills which have brought a lot of success for Haunted Auckland and the upset families who have called for help. www.ausm.org.nz

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Inside the Onehunga Bookshop.

And what seems to be at odds with Williams’ philosophies and witchcraft is the fact she’s an honours graduate in biological sciences from the University of Oxford. Of course, she sees science as the answer to just some of the mysteries.

“I got into science and even though I trained as a scientist I’m open minded enough to believe science doesn’t have all the answers.”

As part of Haunted Auckland’s investigations, members also uncover historical information of old buildings. When the group asked if they could investigate Onehunga’s Hard to Find Bookshop, many interesting details unravelled; a story emerged. Furthermore, if one is willing to take the leap, the information potentially identifies the ghost witnessed by staff and customers.

Before investigating the bookshop in September last year, Wallbank had already visited the place a few times in the past, but always during opening hours. However, on this occasion the shop was closed for the night and with three other members of Haunted Auckland with him, Wallbank reported that a “whole different atmosphere” emerged. Although owner Warwick Jordan doesn’t hype up the unusual experiences many have reported over the years, there is a cautionary message on the business’s website: “Watch out for the ghost – customers should not be concerned about this as the presence is benign.”

“Allegedly the patient continues to haunt the premises,” says Jordan.

The building has had other occupants too. From the 1920s to the 1980s the shop was renovated and both floors were converted into a Chinese Greengrocer, owned by the Sai Louie family. That business ran for over 60 years until Jordan moved his bookshop there in 1988.

Jordan doesn’t know if the Sai Louie family experienced any paranormal activity and says they never mentioned anything to him about it. The older members of that family have passed on now so that too remains a mystery.

Meanwhile, the shop is now lined with rows of wooden shelves. The smell of books, old and new, lingers in the dimly lit, quiet spaces.

There are nooks and crannies throughout as every book is ordered thematically. As well as an upstairs, there’s a mezzanine floor which gives you a bird’s eye view of the books below. On the main window of the shop, you can still see the elegant golden lettering of the Sai Louie family business.

Jordan admits the presence adds a unique vibe but nothing more.

Jordan has kept it there out of respect for the past owners. The window’s also adorned with images of pineapples, grapes and oranges and a flowing ribbon reading “quality fruits”. The building remains largely in its original state; hints of the past remain. This also includes a large mounted mirror above the stairway to the upper floor. Red Chinese writing runs down the right hand side and it intrigued the Haunted Auckland team. “The mirror has its own story to tell,” they reported.

“I don’t use it as a selling point but it’s just one of those things that just is and I’m one of those people who just accept what is and if it’s not a threat and it’s not something you should worry about then why worry about it?”

When asked about customers’ experience with the apparent ghost, Jordan says people have reported the same thing. They would notice the unusually dressed man and then ask staff: “There was a guy upstairs, where did he go?”

Jordan had already uncovered a lot of information about the shop and this was passed onto Wallbank and his team.

Cat Veen has worked at the bookshop for around two years and many customers have reported odd things to her in that time.

Built in the 19th century, the building originally housed a retailer downstairs and a dentist upstairs. So far, no information about the retailer has been found. The dentistry, however, was run by a surgeon named John Norman Rishworth. Rishworth was elected as a Member of the Onehunga Borough Council in April 1901 and also served as an assistant director of the New Zealand Dental Corps during World War I in the rank of major. His dentistry specialised in gold fillings and artificial teeth. It is believed a patient died there under anesthesia in the early 1900s and since then the law has changed requiring an anesthetist’s presence during operations. www.ausm.org.nz 20

“For a while, we had books falling off the shelves at customers’ feet.

They were books that they were actually looking for. They weren’t just random books, they were specific books,” she says.

Veen says a customer from England also described seeing the man dressed in 19th century attire and described all the details – check coat, bowler hat, bow tie and moustache.

Although Veen hasn’t seen anything herself she does sense something on occasions.

Members of The Haunted Auckland Team.

The Haunted Auckland team.

“The only thing I ever feel is when I come downstairs at night and I turn the lights off. I feel like I’m being watched from behind. But that could just be me being paranoid,” she admits.

One of the three members joining Wallbank during the bookshop investigation was Barbara Caisley. Caisley, like other members, has been with the group from the beginning. She also has a lifelong interest in the paranormal and grew up in a haunted house in Papatoetoe where she experienced poltergeist activity.

“We actually had a whirlwind go through the house,” she says remembering one incident. “Basically, it started in one corner and zig-zagged through the house scattering things…things off tables, pictures off walls…it was like having a whirlwind in the house.”

Caisley is one member of the group who is open about her belief that ghosts exist. She points out, however, that her investigations are conducted with an open mind.

“I look for a logical explanation first before considering that there might be something paranormal happening.”

During the Hard to Find Bookshop investigation, Caisley was the first to report seeing moving shadows. Williams, who was also part of the investigation, reported the same thing, as did the fourth member, Heather Barron-Reid.

Meanwhile, Wallbank spent some time in the science fiction section, making recordings and reported the flickering of the overhanging light bulb even though it was switched off. The bulb seemed to flick in response to his questions. As the others went about the shop, Caisley made her own way around using a voice recorder and reported a presence on the mezzanine floor. Williams and BarronReid also felt they were being watched on this floor and described it being colder than other areas of the shop.

Before recording, the group made an effort to describe all the sounds they could hear at the time – car alarms, running water, horns, traffic.

They could eliminate these noises when reviewing the investigation.

Yet, when they reviewed the bookshop recordings something took them by surprise. You hear Caisley speak: “If you’re here let us know.” And “would you like to say something in our recorder?”

To both questions there’s a response: the sound of a barking dog.

The rest of the group agreed this was intriguing as no one heard this

at the time.

And something else was captured. A sound more human, more desperate. Caisley heard it first and asked the rest of the group to listen. The audio was reviewed and again everyone agreed “there was something there”.

The sound is muffled. It’s a cry.

Is it the word “Help”? Caisley believes it is.

Haunted Auckland has put the recordings on its website, as the group does for all investigations. Everything that is captured is uploaded for casual observers to judge. For the group, however, the ultimate evidence is still at large.

The investigation was reported as having “interesting activity” but not “conclusive proof of paranormal activity within the Hard to Find Bookshop”.

“Finding the perfect evidence will be quite difficult,” admits Caisley.

Even though she doesn’t shy away from being a believer, she too has not yet found the proof.

As for Tyler, the group’s most outspoken skeptic, the search also continues.

“I haven’t seen anything that I couldn’t find a rational explanation for,” he says staunchly.

And as for Jordan, the owner of the shop, there’s the sense he doesn’t know what the fuss is about. If his bookshop is haunted, who cares?

“I mean nothing bad’s happened. No evil blood dripping from the walls or nasty stuff of any kind,” he says with the hint of a smile.

It’s simply an old man in 19th century clothing. He strolls around enjoying the books. Perhaps he’s lost or can’t find his way home – either way, it just is what it is as far as Jordan’s concerned.

In the meantime, however, the large mirror continues to hang, watching over the shop, waiting for the story to be told.

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AN ODE TO DOG EARS

by Hazel Buckingham My fascination with books stemmed from my uncle. As an avid frequenter of second-hand bookshops, he’s managed to uncover all kinds of treasures.

The one that lies vividly in my mind however, is when him and I unearthed a 75-year-old letter hidden inside a book on New Zealand native birds.

My uncle bought it from an ‘op shop’ because he’s an Australian vet and was intrigued by our native wildlife. I, however, couldn’t think of anything more mundane than a book with the genus and species of the birds I see pretty much everyday. I sat there in the blissful November sun flicking aimlessly through it, when all of a sudden a blue postmarked envelope fell out.

What followed was a beautifully moving letter from a young Asian woman who had moved to New Zealand and taken up residence on Auckland’s North Shore as a live-in nanny before the Second World War. She had written this letter back home to her “beloved”, detailing her life here and how much she missed him. Obviously we had to fill in the gaps, but from what I could understand, something terrible had happened and that was why she’d had to leave him in the first place. The letter apologised profusely and begged him to come to her. To make things even more poignant, the paper was stained with tear splatters.

Would you view a da Vinci or even a Pollock on your iPhone? Then why would you a Shakespeare or a Hemingway?

I can only believe that because this letter was addressed to Japan, postmarked and opened, that this man did indeed come and find his sweetheart, as it had somehow ended up back in Devonport, New Zealand. What an absolutely touching story to be privy to, simply by purchasing a secondhand book.

That’s why, when a discussion broke out in class about novels vs. e-readers the other day, I literally felt my heart breaking as the majority listed the pros and obvious triumphs of their respective Kindles and iPads. Sure, e-readers are lighter than books to carry, and sure, you can illegally download as many “books” as you wish for a very small price, but what are you missing out on?

Books aren’t just pieces of paper bound together. They are an experience, an artifact, a way of life! Pick up any book and run your hands over the smooth pages – there’s no way of knowing how many other people have held the book you’re holding, who has read it, or where it’s been. A book holds in it anything, as far as your imagination can stretch or even further.

Inscriptions are also little pieces of gold incased in books.

Whether it is simply a person’s name, or a lengthy piece of prose, heartfelt wishes to someone on their birthday or a highlighted line from the text itself, each inscription provides a snapshot into a previous life.

Books are unique, there’s nothing quite like them. The smell, the weight of the pages, the imprint of the text. But an e-reader reduces a novel to just words. It makes it stark, plain and uniform – no story appears different to another. The story is no longer the experience it was intended to be; in fact it is a whole lot less. I would go as far to argue that you’re doing the author a disservice by reading his or her literature on such a detached, cold device.

It makes me think of the childhood story about the teddy bear, who was so loved he was exhausted and worn, with eyes falling off and stuffing coming out of his arm. Its owner, a little boy, loved the bear so much and it showed. One day, the boy’s parents tried to replace the bear, and bought him a brand new one with all stuffing and eyes intact. But it wasn’t the same, and the little boy just wanted his well-known, well-loved bear back.

There’s something about “owning” an artifact that makes it truly yours, and this is just as relevant when it comes to books. A story on a Kindle may have been read once, or a hundred times, but there is no way to know. One glance at a book, and you can tell straight away, from the frayed pages, the dog-eared corners and the bent spine.

When you think of a piece of literature as a work of art, you realise just how rude you’re being by viewing it on a tiny pixilated screen. Would you view a da Vinci or even a Pollock on your iPhone? Then why would you a Shakespeare or a Hemingway?

If all of the above is yet to convince you, and you’re still clinging tightly to your silly e-reader, then I’ll pull out the big guns. Why you need to get back into books, short and simple.

A secondhand bookshop truly is like a treasure trove; you never know what you’re going to come across. The same uncle of mine, who I found that letter with, found almost $1000 dollars in foreign (though very valid) money in a book on native New Zealand fauna about two years later.

That’s right, there’s even money to be found! There, I’m pretty much bribing you to go and pick up one of these beauties again.

Then again, I suppose I should be happy you’re all still reading, Kindle or paperback. Too often lately I’ve heard exclamations such as “reading isn’t really my thing” or “my favourite book is CLEO magazine”.

It’s hard not to die a little on the inside.

“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.” ― Jane Austen

CULTS

Improving the Gene Pool Since Aaaaages Ago.

by Matthew Cattin Family Values While I would never condone Charles Manson’s actions, you can’t blame the guy for being psychotic. Born in 1934, Manson’s mother was a teenage alcoholic and his father could have been any of a number of men hanging around at the time. He spent the early years of his life living with relatives, attending boarding schools and being rejected by his mother – in fact she once traded him for beer money.

A loveless life took its toll on Manson and he turned to crime at a young age, thieving, raping and pimping prostitutes. In 1967, having spent more than half of his life in institutions, Manson moved to San Francisco and became a self-proclaimed guru, setting up a strange cult known infamously as the Manson Family. He preached to his followers that a violent race war was coming - blacks vs whites - and that The Beatles’ White Album was actually a secret code written specifically for the ‘family’. He believed that the war would see the whites slaughtered – the only way to survive was to head to an underground city of gold. Sounds legit right? So when the predicted pakehapocalypse failed to happen, the Manson clan realised they had to give the blacks an example to follow. And so it was that on August 9, 1969, Manson’s followers brutally murdered Sharon Tate (Roman Polanski’s pregnant wife), and four others who were visiting her Hollywood home – an exercise known as ‘Helter Skelter’. The following night, his followers brutally murdered two more but despite their efforts, the blacks didn’t rise up and slaughter anybody… Since the murders, Manson has become something of a macabre celebrity, receiving more letters than any other prisoner in US history. Along with the fan mail however, he has also been raped, beaten, poisoned and set on fire by fellow inmates. Manson is now 78-years-old and unlikely to ever leave prison – unless it’s in a body bag.

Don’t Drink the Kool-Aid The mother of all cult fails, the Jonestown massacre of 1978 was the deadliest non-natural single disaster in US history up until the terrorist attacks of 9/11. It all started with an obsessive, charismatic man named Jim Jones, a communist fella with a hopeful belief in racial integration. Somewhat ostracized for his believes, in the mid-seventies he started The People’s Temple, a cult group of likeminded followers who, like Jones, adopted children of many races in a bid to start a “rainbow family”. It sounds legit right? Like a Michael Jackson video, only communist and with less singing…. So anyways, Jones decided he needed some land outside of the US on which he could create a self-sufficient utopia, a place where racial prejudice did not exist and in 1974, he found it – Guyana, South America. Deep in the jungle, he carved out his little slice of heaven – a 300 acre

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settlement with armed guards and dense jungle protecting it from the outside world, and incidentally, preventing escape. Shit finally hit the fan when American Congressman Leo J. Ryan flew over with a group to check the place out. While visiting, 15 cult members asked if they could return to the US with Ryan and his group – he obliged and it probably cost him his life. As Ryan and co tried to board their planes back to the states, they were fired upon by members of the cult and five, including Ryan, were killed. While the shooting was going on, Jones spread lies that the US government was on its way to torture the cult and they faced the choice of death by their own hand or by the government’s – they chose suicide. Vats of grape Flavoraid, cyanide and valium were mixed up and distributed to members.

The children were forced to drink first, apparently to give the adults less incentive to resist. Guards armed with crossbows and firearms provided a little more incentive… By the end of the day, the Guyana commune looked like a spilt box of lego, only with bodies. The death toll was an astounding 918 people, 276 of those being children. Jim Jones’ himself also went down, captain of the ship, with a gunshot wound thought to be self-inflicted. An audio recording of the moment is available on YouTube – it will creep out your ears.

Heaven’s Gate Away Team.

It’s truly amazing the ideas cult leaders come up with but even more amazing is how many others they are able to convince of their wacky ideologies. Formed in the 70’s, Heaven’s Gate was a suicidal cult formed by Marshall Applewhite – a creeper resembling an elderly, unblinking Steve Martin. The cult’s promotional video is available on YouTube if you’re interested but here’s a quick lowdown of what it says… The earth is about to be recycled and the only way to escape the mass extinction is to board a space ship currently hiding behind the Hale-Bopp comet as it flies by earth. To secure a place on the spaceship however, there is just one small, shall we say, catch – you have to die. Amazingly, Applewhite dragged 38 followers down with him in a rented San Diego mansion on March 1997. Over three days, the followers poisoned themselves in groups so the remainders could prepare their bodies for the spaceship. They were found lying in their bunks each with $5.75 in their pockets (an interplanetary toll), matching clothes and shoes (brand new Nike’s) and armbands that read ‘Heaven’s Gate Away Team’. At least they dressed for the occasion… Their bodies were found a few days later.

Top Left image: Jim Jones, leader of The People's Temple. Top Right & Bottom images: Aftermath of the Jonestown massacre.

Left image:

Sharon Tate and Roman Polanski, whose house was targeted by the Manson family. The pregnant Tate and four house guests were brutally murdered in 1969.

Right image:

One of many Charles Manson mugshots. He is currently serving a life imprisonment.

Left image:

The logo for the Heaven's Gate cult.

Right image:

The aftermath of the Heaven's Gate mass suicide which saw 39 followers dead.

THE LINEUP TO END ALL LINEUPS?

by Matthew Cattin When Big Day Out promoter Ken West said, “there's no other place in the world where you'd get these three acts on the same bill unless it was Live Aid,” I have to say my expectations skyrocketed. Consider with me for a moment Live Aid’s major draw cards… Queen, Bowie, U2, The Who, Elton John, Paul McCartney, Led Zeppelin… The list goes ever on. In saying that, I wasn’t born yesterday and to even consider that any of the above bands would make the cut would be the pinnacle of naivety. I did however expect a little more wow factor from the Big Day Out team – oh the curse of promoter hype! Mild bitch out of the way, I am thoroughly impressed with the lineup this year, particularly with the quality of the three headliners Pearl Jam, Arcade Fire and Blur.

Pearl Jam I discovered at the tender age of 15. After thrashing Michael Jackson, KISS and The Clash in my first year at college, it was in year ten that I discovered grunge music and it wouldn’t be a stretch to say it changed my life. On my 18th birthday, Mum let me stay home from school to snatch Pearl Jam tickets in a presale – a beautiful moment (thanks Mum). On the day after my last exam of seventh form, I was at Mount Smart stadium seeing my favourite ever band for the first time and it all felt very meant to be - the band that saw me through college coming to help celebrate the end of it. Bliss. My only worry is that they won’t play long enough, but all-in-all I couldn’t ask for a better headliner.

Arcade Fire are another nostalgic band for me. I discovered their music in year 12 after seeing they were locked in for the 2008 Big Day Out (has it really been five years?!). I fell quickly in love with their huge, emotional sound – so much so that 10 friends and I made what was essentially a tribute band to play in a school band contest. We played Wake Up – mimicking the epic splendour I was lucky to witness at BDO ’08. It will be an absolute privilege to see them again next January – I’m also pleased to see them so high on the bill.

While I couldn’t call myself a big Blur fan, I appreciate their music and anticipate an energetic and exciting set from the Britpop legends. I’ll definitely make an effort to get to know their probable setlist. As for the rest of the bill, there isn’t much to have me in fits of butterflies but with three superb headliners, I’m not too phased. Snoop might be good for an early evening laugh but I get the feeling I’ll be dropping him like it’s hot three songs in.

The Lumineers should be a cheery, folk-tastic time and I’m looking forward to seeing psychedelic Aussie band Tame Impala. I’m disappointed by the lack of Shihad (for old time’s sake) and Lorde but The Naked and Famous and Phoenix Foundation will be welcome additions to the (hopefully) delightful Summer’s day. To be honest, I’ve hardly heard of anybody else on the lineup but hey, that’s what festivals are all about right? Time to hit up Pirate Bay.

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ANOTHER MAN'S TREASURE?

by Catherine Barker Is one man’s trash really another man’s treasure? It seems as though a) it is and b) the council are the biggest pirates in Auckland.

Every year our usually pleasant streets (suburb dependant of course) are subjected to piles and piles of our neighbour’s trash, displayed with a surreptitious attempt in all its glory, to be collected.

But who is to collect all this ‘trash’? The council? Don’t be silly.

The friendly neighbourhood miscreant? Highly possible. The everyman? The Willy Loman’s of our day? Well, yes. Most of the time it is just that sort of person (and sometimes their kids) that are out amongst the possessions that we deem irrelevant and unnecessary in our everyday lives, but things that these people have chosen to select from the mounds of trash before them.

Sometimes this trash can be mistaken for large dollar signs as I’ve been told that copper from televisions is highly sought after, as is wood; easily malleable with the right person behind it. The industrious of our communities can take the parts they need to make whatever it is they are after, something that I’m sure used to be a sought after character trait.

Taking a walk around my neighbourhood it is clear that a pattern is forming in what is being piled up on the sides of roads.

Whiteware, luggage, kitchen appliances, children’s toys, wood (in abundance) and TVs are all drawing the short straw in terms of household necessities to be replaced and forgotten.

Does a washing machine on the sidewalk mean they are unwashed? No, they have just upgraded to a more economically friendly machine. Does discarded luggage mean the travel industry should close their doors? No. It just means having a piece of luggage that weighs as much as a jet engine is being pushed aside for suitcases that weigh less than a bag of flour.

Nobody wants their mother's old blender when Briscoes has this and more on offer in a perpetual sale. Why would I want my child to play with a slightly interactive plastic toy, when all the other kids have iPads and iPods and iPhones? Don’t even get me started on this one.

This got me thinking - is our yearly inorganic collection really a chance for us to demonize and turn our noses up at the people with vans and trailers, rummaging through our unwanteds? To chastise the people who look beyond the façade? Who instead, see a pile of trash as an opportunity, buried beneath the mouldy mattress and warped wood. Or is this an indirect look into the lives of our neighbours and ourselves, inadvertently, a look into modern day consumerism?

Don’t get me wrong, at the end of the day it still is a little odd knowing you put out a chair, draws and a bean bag (that you know full well has been at the receiving end of a cat’s business), waking up the next morning to find it all gone. But who can blame this ingenious bunch of society’s strata? I know if I were to ever walk past something that tickled my fancy I wouldn’t want to be judged for its presence in my house.

THEY CAME FROM OUTER SPACE! Catastrophic film geek Matthew Cattin ranks his favourite sci-fi flicks from intergalactic to out of this world.

I’ve never understood why sci-fi turns people off faster than back hair on a woman. How can a genre so mind-bendingly awesome be so underappreciated?! I get the feeling there are people out there who watched The Phantom Menace, hated on it (and with good reason) and gave up the genre. This is not okay. Sci-fi has so much to offer; time travel paradoxes, chest-bursting aliens, mind-blowing twists, babes in jumpsuits, what’s not to like? Below is a list of extraordinary sci-fi films that I believe will convert even the staunchest of squares. Set phasers to awesome.

Moon (2009) Duncan Jones’ sci-fi debut Moon is a bit of a slow burner I’ll admit, but the final half hour is about as exciting as cinema gets.

Stationed alone on the moon to mine minerals for earth, Sam Bell is almost at the end of his three-year work contract when he discovers a dark secret about his employers. All is definitely not as it seems and as he awaits his flight home, well… You’ll find out. Also, fun fact - Duncan Jones is David Bowie’s son. Just don’t expect a rendition of Space Oddity…

Sunshine (2007)

Terminator: Judgement Day (1991) Easily the best of the Terminator franchise, Judgement Day sees Arnie return to play a re-programmed T-800, this time on the side of the goodies. Sadly, playing a robot was the only role Arnie ever nailed due to his laughable accent and horrific acting skills but I must say for a machine incapable of emotion, he sure tugged at my heart strings something terrible.

Children of Men (2006)

Danny Boyle has the cinematic Midas touch and his take on sci-fi was no exception. The year is 2057 and Earth’s sun is dying, threatening all life on the planet. A team of astronauts are sent on a mission to detonate an atomic blast within our life-giving star, reigniting its dying glow. As you would expect, nothing runs smoothly and the team must fight for their lives and ultimately planet earth’s survival. A brilliantly underrated film.

Based on the dark novel by P.D. James, Children of Men is a snapshot of a world without children. Set in 2027, unexplained infertility has plagued humans for the last 20 years. Knowing that the human race will last only as long as its youngest, healthiest survivor, society plunges into darkness. Suicide packages are distributed by the government, there is no foreseeable cure and to be honest it just looks like a horrible time. Great film though!

Promethus (2012)

ET (1982)

Essentially a loose prequel to the Alien saga, I enjoyed Prometheus a lot more than many critics and sci-fi fans seemed to. Honestly I was just glad to see Ridley Scott having another crack at the franchise, no matter how far removed it was from the original. Visually stunning and with plenty of horrifying moments to boot (the Caesarean anyone?), I’m eagerly awaiting the sequel which I believe has just been announced.

Spielberg’s outputs have set the bar for family films unattainably high - and it all started with ET in 1982. A childhood favourite, it wasn’t until this year after re-watching it that I realised its incredible and timeless heart and power. Compared to other films of its day it has aged as gracefully as dear Julie Andrews - the effects are just as delightful, the bike-flying scene just as breathtaking, and the ending just as gut-wrenching as the first time I was delighted.

12 Monkeys (1995)

Back to the Future (1985)

I distinctly remember having at least an hour long discussion with a good friend about the time-travelling plot line in 12 Monkeys.

We argued this way and that, made theories, tried to wrap our brains around the implications and the paradoxes and I’m pretty sure we were none the wiser for our efforts… Starring Brad Pitt and Bruce Willis as well, you’re already in for a good time whether you understand the time travel or not.

Great Scott! The nostalgia butterflies let loose when I watch this trilogy, easily one of my favourite film franchises of all time. If you’ve not seen it, I really have nothing more to say to you – but I will talk about you behind your back… Heartless bastard…

But seriously, BTTF is probably the only film that can pull off a mother-son almost make out scene and not have it be weird.

That’s quite an achievement if you ask me.

The Matrix (1999)

Alien (1979)

My favourite film from intermediate school was undoubtedly The Matrix. I knew all the words, spent my class time quoting Agent Smith with school friends, heck, I even tried my hand at filming a few action scenes at home – a tape which, fortunately for the world, was recorded over… It’s still a classic of the sci-fi genre, only slightly tarnished by its sequels with their computer game style graphics… Not cool.

Ridley Scott’s Alien is the chest-bursting mother of all sci-fi’s, spawning one brilliant, and a few not so hot sequels and maybe the most elegantly disturbing movie monster of all. It also gave us one of the most kick-ass female roles in film, Sigourney Weaver’s take-no-prisoners Ellen Ripley. When I think of all the sci-fi’s I’ve seen (an embarrassing figure), Alien’s face huggers are hands down the biggest disturber of my dreams. With long, spindly fingers and sharp nails they blanket your face while the tail wraps around your neck. Then they shove a slippery… How can I say it nicely… Penis down your throat and lay eggs in your abdomen.

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Haiti's Hurt

By Struan Purdie

The woman’s dark eyes met my hesitant gaze unapologetically. Her hair was pulled tight into a small bun which sat high on her head.

The spotless white blouse she wore complemented her dignified demeanour perfectly. I wondered what she saw in me. Was the same shallow appraisal evident in her intent stare? She seemed to look past my branded clothes and beyond the colour of my skin.

The woman fascinated me. Her subtle beauty combined with her gracious manner was captivating. She certainly didn’t look like a woman who would live on the street in a tattered tent.

The smell of urine mixed with diesel immediately assaulted my nostrils as I emerged from the civility of our air conditioned van.

Downtown Port-au-Prince was already desperately overcrowded before the earthquake. But with more than a million people displaced, the capital’s streets were now home to tens of thousands of Haitians, who worked, lived, showered and toileted in the bustling avenues and alleys. The oppressive humidity threatened to choke me as I sucked in thick mouthfuls of polluted air. The intense afternoon sun sneered at my pale skin. As we walked, people stopped and stared. Never in my life had I felt so out of place. Crude makeshift tents lined the cracked streets.

Branches and discarded timber were lashed together with string then cloaked with old sheets and aid tarpaulins to fend off the approaching onslaught of the monsoon season. This was the world we were entering, where western logic remained redundant yet somehow we were supposed to make a difference.

“Bonsoir à tous.” The woman ushered us into her simple abode.

A neatly made double bed took up most of the space inside the cramped tent. Several blackened pots were stacked in a corner along with a half empty bag of charcoal. With the help of our translator, we discovered the woman’s name was Claudette.

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In spite of the warmth in her voice, there remained something detached about the woman. The soft blue light filtering through the thin tarpaulin cast a long shadow across her face. “Can you tell us what you experienced in the earthquake, Claudette?” Her gaze hardened for a moment then she sighed and slowly began to speak, “The shaking was very bad. My family and I were in our home when it began. I grabbed my youngest daughter and ran for the door. Then it fell. My husband and two sons were crushed.

This is all I have left.” A truck blasted its horn as it roared past. A cloud of diesel fumes lapped at the doorway. Claudette’s resilient gaze remained firm as she continued, “But I thank God every day for what I have, for the life of my daughter and my own. We will rebuild our lives and continue to live as proud Haitians.” I was stunned. I imagined the hostile questions that God would face if I was in this woman’s shoes. How could someone possess such determination and hope when they had lost practically everything?

Claudette waved to us as she stood in the doorway of her crude home. She looked out of place in the squalor around her. As we wandered back to our van, we past a man dismantling his collapsed home. White dust from the broken concrete clung to his dark skin as he removed one block after another. Deep lines ran across the man’s face and hands. His lean body dripped with sweat. He looked up and caught my gaze unexpectedly. There was something perplexing in those dark eyes, something bright. He smiled warmly then turned back to his work, dumping another heavy block into a pile. Claudette’s words echoed in my mind, “We will rebuild our lives and continue to live as proud Haitians.” As we climbed back into our air conditioned oasis, I smiled. A sense of awe replaced the pity and sadness in my heart. I had come to help but I left humbled.

On January 12, 2010, Haiti was struck by a magnitude 7.0 earthquake that was centered about 25km from Port-au-Princethe country's capital and most heavily populated city. The quake struck just before 5pm, killing over 220,000 people and displacing another 1.5 million. In Port-auPrince alone 188,383 homes were damaged or destroyed. Residents were forced onto the city's streets where they constructed makeshift shelters. In the months following the quake, tents took up most public spaces including footpaths, parks and even road medians.

Three and a half years on, around 320,000 Haitians still live in temporary shelters as some rubble from the 2010 quake is yet to be cleaned up.

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SHARK AND PARK

by Erica Donald If you have the luxury of having a class which starts at 12pm or later, then you have the opportunity to engage in one of my favourite past times. Well actually two of my favourite past times. Sleeping, and sharking. Sharking? I hear you say. What is sharking? I can promise you it's something that you will have done at least once in your life.

Maybe trying to get a car park in the morning, or maybe trying to park at the mall in the lead up to Christmas. It's a regular thing. Let me paint the picture for you...

Time: Monday morning, approximately 1300 hours. Prime sharking time.

Location: Albany Park and Ride.

Who: Myself, and a few others hungry for a car park.

I entered the ocean that is the carpark and noticed some other sharks milling around. Gliding back and forth, their smooth metallic bodies silently waiting and watching. The other sharks and I, we stalked our prey.

It's called sharking because of the way you trail after pedestrians, patiently waiting for the perfect moment to pounce on their carpark.

Eyes peeled for the slightest movement. The moment you see someone walking, it's time for stalking.

I was near the top of the carpark on Monday when I saw my first pedestrian. I did a cheeky U-turn to cut off the car coming towards us and tailed this pedestrian. I paused at the corners, waiting to see which row their carpark was in. I followed them further and further down to the depths of the carpark... where they walked out of the carpark and began walking home. Bugger.

My next victim came a few minutes later. Once again I spied movement ut of the corner of my eye but there was another shark also following them. See, the problem with sharking is there are other sharks and we are all stalking the same thing, so you have to be the quickest and strongest shark. I knew they were no match for me, not with my glossy champagne-pink coloured exterior. Let me tell you, my two-door Toyota Vitz is a force to be reckoned with. It zips around corners so easily and fits into the tiniest of parks. Nothing is beyond my reach, nothing.

Except a parallel park... Those defeat me.

Anyway, I sussed a route that would allow me to beat this other shark who was slowly gliding after his prey. By cutting down one row of car parks and making a quick turn into the row of the cars that the pedestrian was walking towards. It may or may not have required me to drive the wrong way down a one way lane, and I may or may not have done it. A shark needs to keep an air of mystery.

I got to the pedestrian just before the other shark did, flicking on my indicators in the nick of time. The other shark was angry and growled (tooted his horn) but it was a fair game. The pedestrian backed out and I claimed my prize. Another successful hunting trip for this shark.

Sometimes I feel bad about the things I do when I'm sharking. I feel like an awful person. I should wait patiently for a cark park and be gracious towards others. But then I remember sharkig is a lot of fun.

I am a cool, calm and collected predator, who shows no mercy. Be warned if you see me in my pink Vitz.

Pacific Rim

Directed by: Guillermo del Toro Starring: Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba and Rinko Kikuchi Rating: Reviewed by Kieran Bennett

There is a point in Pacific Rim where one square jawed soldier says to another square jawed soldier “sacrifices must be made”.

He then detonates the nuclear bomb strapped to the back of his 250ft battle robot that he pilots with his mind, killing two enormous, razor toothed monsters so that another 250ft tall battle robot can cross dimensions and set of another bomb, saving the planet from a dimension hopping army of aliens. All while underwater mind you. No seriously, you just can’t make this stuff up. The robots, the monsters, the two things fighting and an overriding sense of utter fun are the key components of Pacific Rim. Notice how ‘emotional story’ was not featured on that list? There is a very good reason for that. Pacific Rim’s story is told through a round of simple expositions at the start of the film, explaining that large monsters have risen from the Pacific Ocean and are wreaking havoc upon our cities. To combat this, giant robots are constructed and piloted; engaging in titanic battles to the death with said monsters. What follows is a fairly standard and weak tale of the nature of duty and human spirit. The dialogue is incredibly hammy and every actor there is essentially just phoning it in, knowing full well that there’s nothing they can do to save the hollow mess of a script. Pacific Rim knows this however, and Pacific Rim doesn’t care one iota.

The robots in Pacific Rim are quite frankly, a little pornographic in their detail. Every exhaust port, every curved armour plate is rendered in precise detail and a robot display is a visual feast for the eyes. Every robot is different and thankfully the Transformers symptom of having robots obscured by fog, fast movement or plain lazy visual effects is avoided. Director Guillermo del Toro understands that we, the audience, are here to watch some robots and so takes his time with each one; lingering, savouring the missile-armed machines.

By an equal measure, the monsters (or Kaiju) are just as, in the literal sense of the word, awesome. By having them rise from the ocean, del Toro creates this kind of excellent suspense around each one; making the reveal that much sweeter. When a fourlimbed, spiny, electromagnetic pulse shooting abomination rises from the ocean to destroy humanity; there’s a kind of strange excitement generated and you almost want the monster to destroy Tokyo just so you can watch it for longer. And why wouldn’t you?

They’re beautiful creations every last one and the clashes with the robots at every point of the film are violent, eye sizzling orgies of cool.

Pacific Rim is not a good film. It is however an immensely good time and has to be recommended simply for the fact that I haven’t seen such a fun and no-holds-barred film in a long while. If you can leave your brain at the door, Pacific Rim is an adrenaline filled, well-paced, great looking two hour excuse for robots and monsters to duke it out.

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BE

Beady Eye Rating: Reviewed by Nigel Moffiet

When Oasis came to an end in 2009 after the Gallagher brothers’ fiery tempers got the better of them, Noel went his own way with High Flying Birds and Liam went the other way with Beady Eye. BE, the second album from Liam’s new band is decent in parts but mostly average and meandering. Abundant with ‘60’s inspired rock it never reaches the musical heights achieved by Oasis – it just lacks that certain spark the two brothers shared together.

However, it does come to life with a cracker opener. Flick Of The Finger is a big sounding, horn driven rocker. Liam’s vocals are a little nasally but captivating. He grabs hold of you and promises a lot more to come.

Unfortunately, little more is delivered. After the triumphant first song, Liam’s nasally vocals become distracting at times. The acoustic Soul Love is one such example and a let-down after the excitement of the opening track. This is despite the warm fuzzy lyrics “all I know is you can be everything you want to be. Life is short, so don't be shy. Tears of joy is all you'll find”. Average stuff.

And it keeps coming: the following songs speed up, guitar volumes go up a notch, there’s a bit of distorted fuzz and high tempo but nothing inspiring. With flashes of ‘60s inspired grooves there’s definitely some Beatles stuff going on and it also feels like Beady Eye is desperately grasping for an Oasis worthy anthem but the effort falls short.

Second Bite Of The Apple has a percussion intro that mimics The Zombies ’69 hit Time Of The Season. It’s a more interesting approach, and it works better because it’s not trying to replicate Oasis all over again. Iz Rite, for example, is a good song – it’s poppy and rocky all at once – but it’s like an Oasis song without the flair.

With 15 tracks on BE, the album could also have been tightened up. Don’t Bother Me is a seven minute song with three minutes of tuneless wash and spacey noise at the end. There’s a floating in space sort of atmosphere throughout the album – slightly ‘60s psychedelic. It works well in parts as on the foot stomping groove Shine A Light which naturally progresses into a trippy swirl of guitar, percussion and Liam’s flower power chanting “Come on shine a light, come on shine a light Universalise, la-alise, shine a light, la-alise”. But then it doesn’t work for the pointless, silly, two minute filler Dreaming Of Some Space.

What the album really highlights is just how much of an influential songwriter Noel Gallagher must have been – after all, Beady Eye also contains three former Oasis band members Gem Archer, Andy Bell, and Chris Sharrock. And with just one Gallagher brother missing the result is very average. On the positive side, however, the album sounds fresh despite the ‘60s grooves and Liam seems positive and willing to rock. Beady Eye still has potential to pave something exciting and there are promising moments on BE, but it’s not going to be the most exciting thing you will listen to in 2013.

Room

Written by Emma Donoghue Rating: Reviewed by Matthew Cattin

Room is all five-year-old Jack has ever known. The 11x11 foot box contains a small kitchen, bathtub, wardrobe, bed and TV. It’s also home to rug, plant and egg-snake, a room-made serpent that lives under the bed and protects Jack. On the rug there is a stain left by his mother when she gave birth to him. She also lives in the room with Jack - she’s been there seven years, ever since she was kidnapped. Jack has never met Old Nick – his mother doesn’t allow it – but he knows about his night time visits and the squeaking of the bed. Hidden in the wardrobe, he counts the squeaks every night.

Room is unlike any book I have ever read – it really challenges your perceptions on normalcy, guilt and parental responsibility.

Since room is all Jack has known, his mother decides to keep it that way, explaining to him that room is all there is. Everything that plays on television is not real, and outside of room, there is nothing. What I found most interesting about Room is how much little Jack loved living in his tiny wee box. Comfortable, safe and secure, he was never alone, never bored and he had everything he thought he needed – definitely a perspective I’ve never considered of an imprisoned person.

The decision to make Jack the soul narrator gave the novel an unfamiliar style but it definitely had its ups and downs. Through the eyes of Jack, readers are sheltered from the graphic, sadistic side of the novel by his mother’s sacrificial protection. It was a nice way to execute the idea of sexual imprisonment because really, who wants to read repeated rape scenes? On the other hand, I did get a little bit sick of reading the thoughts of a fiveyear-old. The perspective great, the ideas fantastic, but I found his lack of insight to be both a gift and a curse for the progression of the story. I feel perhaps I would have enjoyed it more had Donoghue allowed us a bit more insight into Jack’s mother’s mind. The only times we really get to see what’s going on inside her head is when she speaks to Jack and since he’s only five and she is protective, well, you can imagine how little she discloses.

So, did they manage to escape the room? Well you’ll have to look elsewhere because I ain’t no spoiler. I can say however that the book will keep you guessing right until the last page – definitely worth a read.

The Veils

Live at the Studio - Saturday 27 July Rating: Reviewed by Matthew Cattin

A boisterous sausage fest of loud mouthed knobs who couldn’t handle their liquor were just starting to grind my gears when the ever-lovely Veils took to the stage to a deafening “welcome home”.

Kiwis Finn Andrews (lead vocals & guitar) and Sophia Burn (bass) looked genuinely surprised and humbled by the warm reception; teeth bursting from between their lips and Sophia laughing as she said to herself “what the fuck?” – heart-warming.

Opening with a favourite from the new album Train With No Name, the band was in absolute top form. I’ve seen them twice before, once at Juice Bar and again at Big Day out, but this band never fails to wow me with their tight, emotional delivery.

This time around saw the usual suspects joined on stage by a trumpeter and saxophonist – both welcome additions to the overall sound, particularly on those Time Stays, We Go tracks written with horn parts.

As a frontman, Finn is easily one of the most engaging I have come across. He has the ability to make a rowdy room near silent and contemplative but on the same token he can get everybody raving out of their minds – a pretty rare gift. With every line delivery you can see the emotion just spilling from somewhere deep within, his face is contorted and covered in perspiration. I’d say Jeff Buckley would be a pretty good match to what Finn pours out of his soul – absolutely beautiful.

With four albums and a couple of EPs and not a bad song among them, the setlist was as perfect as it was disappointing. As with any Veils show, no matter how many songs they play, I’m always hungry for more. In saying that, the set was pretty darn good despite its brevity. Heavy on the new album (which I love) and arguably their best Nux Vomica, there was enough old and new to hopefully give everybody in the room the moment they came for. Sun Gangs was a little ignored with only Sit Down By the Fire making the cut but I loved every second and who can complain at that?

After a brief encore call, Finn popped on for a few quiet tunes with his acoustic guitar. Somewhat fittingly, he took us back to the band’s first album The Runaway Found playing gorgeous renditions of The Tide that Left and Never Came Back and Lavinia. The crowd was swooning, teary-eyed and feeling romantic – it was a lovely sentiment for those that have been fans from the beginning. But it was also the calm before the storm…

To close the magical night, the full band returned to the stage to release the beast that is Jesus for the Jugular. Finn lost his shit, the band was a heavy, grinding machine and I think everybody in the venue felt the familiar gig goosebumps creeping up their spines. Come back soon Veils.

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Dave Grohl is a Golden God

by Matthew Cattin I recently came across an article titled ‘Top 10 Unpleasant Facts About John Lennon’. It hurt to read because I thought rather highly of the man – what with his reputation for peace, love and understanding…

Well, as it turns out he was a wife beating hypocrite who emotionally damaged his son and knew next to nothing about politics. Confused and depleted, I went on a bit of a masochistic internet hunt to discover which other iconic figures were not what they seemed… I wouldn’t recommend it. But I was hurting, feeling self-destructive and empty…

In hindsight, what I should have done was hop onto the Google, type in ‘Dave Grohl’ and let the therapy take hold. In a world usually rife with celebrity disappointments, Dave Grohl is the man who holds you close to his bosom to cry it out, rubbing your back in a slow, circular motion with just the right amount of pressure to say “you’re worth it”. Here’s why.

A month after the Christchurch quake, Grohl and the Foo Fighters made a special trip down under to play a fundraising gig for the earthquake appeal, raising over $350,000. It’s the only gig I have ever missed out on tickets for and I’m still bitter about it… Thirty songs, intimate (and my favourite) venue, getting close to Grohl’s delicious beard… It would have been the concert of a lifetime.

Speaking of earthquakes, the last time Foo’s were here, the audience went so bat-shit crazy, the earth actually moved. During their set at Western Springs, the jumping of 50,000 enthusiastic fans and a bass-heavy sound system contributed to a “semi continuous harmonic signal” vibrating at 3Hz (three times per second). This quaking activity was picked up by two seismic stations 2km away and was compared to the movement generally associated with the volcanic tremors felt at Ruapehu and White Island. As you can imagine, ‘Foo Fighters Rock New Zealand’ headlines went global as journalists wet themselves laughing at their clever puns…

When the bastardly church/cult Westboro Baptist heard the Foo Fighters were playing at their local, they decided to show up in force to picket their hateful ideologies to the queuing concert-goers. Grohl and band heard about their presence and decided to give something back to the church. Dressing up as rednecks, the band rolled up in front of the WBC on the back of a truck to perform a free-loving, innuendo-filled country tune called “hot man muffins”. It was followed by some classic Grohl wisdom, “it takes all kinds; I don’t care if you’re black or white or purple or green, whether you’re Pennsylvanian or Transylvanian, Lady

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gaga or Lady Antebellum. Men loving women and women loving men and men loving men and women loving women — you all know we like to watch that. But what I’d like to say is, God Bless America, y’all!”

In 2006, a mining accident in Tasmania left two Aussie blokes trapped down a mine shaft for two weeks. When rescuers reached them days after the accident, they weren’t in a position to free them from the shaft. A kilometre underground, the fellas were asked what they would like to pass the remainder of their time and they both asked for iPods full of Foo Fighters tunes. Dave Grohl heard about their request through the media and sent a fax message to accompany the iPods, "Though I'm halfway around the world right now, my heart is with you both, and I want you to know that when you come home, there's two tickets to any Foos show, anywhere, and two cold beers waiting for yous. Deal?” The Foo’s also wrote a song for the pair called Ballad of the Beaconsfield Miners. What a lad.

In addition to his divine achievements listed above, Grohl has a rather astounding list of accolades including…

-Drumming for Nirvana, Queens of the Stone Age, Them Crooked Vultures and Tenacious D among many more.

-Appearing as the guitar-shredding Satan in Tenacious D’s video Tribute.

-Dressing in drag on multiple occasions (and looking damn fine).

-Being a long-time advocate for gay rights.

-Making the Foo Fighter’s band rider a colouring in book to keep the crew happy.

-Doing awesome things on YouTube in his spare time – search “Dave Grohl and Coffee Creamer” for a treat.

To end, here are a few Grohlisms to inspire you to greatness.

“Dude, maybe not everyone loves 'Glee.' Me included. I watched 10 minutes and it wasn't my thing.”

“It's funny; recently I've started to notice people's impersonations of me, and it's basically like a hyperactive child.”

“I'm so not macho. It's crazy. My man cave is so not a man cave.”

“I never needed much, and I never thought I'd get more than what I had. A trip to Burger King was the biggest thing in the world to me.

Heaven.”

“If you play Nickelback songs backwards, you will hear messages from the devil. Even worse, if you play them forwards, you will hear Nickelback.”

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