Debate issue 18

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debate ISSUE 18 | AUGUST 2014


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debate ISSUE 18 | AUGUST 2014 facebook.com/ausmdebate

COVER ART Illustration by Ramina Rai EDITOR Matthew Cattin matthew.cattin@aut.ac.nz SUB EDITORS Laurien Barks | Kieran Bennett DESIGN/ART Ramina Rai ramina.rai@aut.ac.nz CONTRIBUTORS Amelia Petrovich | Charan Mohanakrishnan | Ethan Sills | Jason Walls| Kieran Bennett | Laurien Barks Luseane Tupouniua | Matt Neary | Miss Charlotte Cake | Rachel Barker ILLUSTRATION & PHOTOGRAPHY Alex Thompson | Amelia Petrovich | Matthew Cattin | Ramina Rai ADVERTISING CONTACT Kate Lin kate.lin@aut.ac.nz PRINTER PMP Print Ltd. PUBLISHER AuSM all rights reserved

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EDITORIAL Hey team,

Wanderlust often strikes me in the heart of winter. When most sensible folk retreat into cosy houses, commit to a television series and spend weekends in bed, I find myself pierced by an overwhelming urge to go, do, see, be, dive, drive, immerse, traverse… everything. I was one of those deeply affected by Into the Wild. Despite never really going off on my own before, the film awoke in me a longing spirit, eager to be unleashed upon the open roads, vast woods and deserted beaches. Its mixed messages about society, freedom and the human spirit are all pretty inspiring (if a little misguided at times), but the line I have adopted – and think of often in my own life – is this. “I read somewhere how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... But to feel strong.”

In summer, living by this mantra isn’t too difficult as I spend weeks at a time out of the house, exploring northland’s beaches, surfing, climbing hills and fulfilling my adventure quota on the daily. Winter, however, poses a threat to this lifestyle – it’s just so damn cold out. Camping – without succumbing to hypothermia – isn’t really an option, and the ocean is cold enough to not just shock your system, but make your extremities ache and your genitals invert. Over the last few weeks, with the assistance of my first set of wheels, I’ve finally been able to make something of the dreaded winter. I’ve been particularly inspired to get out at every opportunity of late, desperate to escape the monotony of alarm clock, bus, work, bus, home, sleep, repeat. Winter weekends have become a refuge from the week, a refresher for Monday’s moods. Since winter began, I’ve been challenging myself to do something that gets my heart pounding every week; something that I’d perhaps rather not do but do anyway for the rush and sense of accomplishment that follows. This challenge has seen me cliff-jumping in the rain

in Whangaparaoa, leaping from a waterfall in Tauranga, having spontaneous underwear dips in the Bay of Islands, and frolicking in fresh snow at National Park. Over the next few weekends, I’m planning a bach trip up north, nature night walks at Shakespeare Regional Park, a bungy jump, and if conditions are kind, a surf. It has without a doubt been the best winter of my life, and my only regret is not getting on the buzz earlier. Although I still hate Mondays with the passion of a thousand burning suns, I find that after a particularly solid weekend, I feel so much more ready to face them. And, with the prospect of a good weekend to look forward to, the weeks just float by. As somebody who used to hibernate for most of the season, only venturing out in the stunner days, I feel like I’ve discovered winter in a new light, and it excites me. I’m keen to rock the raincoat, crank the boots, and appreciate the season I’ve long neglected. Enjoy all the stuff, Matthew

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RECIPES

Lemon & Blueberry Mascarpone Cake Image by Joana Petrova

INDIAN LENTIL SOUP

By Charan Mohanakrishnan Serves 4. Ingredients • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

1½ cups lentils, thoroughly rinsed 2 tomatoes, diced 1 teaspoon salt 1 tablespoon oil 1 teaspoon mustard seeds 1 teaspoon cumin seeds 1-2 green chilies, chopped (use more or less and discard seeds according to heat preference) 1 teaspoon chopped fresh ginger 1 teaspoon chopped fresh garlic ½ cup onion, finely chopped ¼ teaspoon asafoetida 2 teaspoons ground coriander ½ teaspoon turmeric Pinch of chilli powder 1 clove Fresh chopped coriander for serving Salt to taste

Procedure 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11.

12. 13. 14.

In a pan, heat the oil on a medium heat and add the mustard, then cumin seeds. Fry for 10 seconds until the mustard seeds begin to pop. Now add the chopped chillies, ginger and garlic. Fry for another 20 seconds. Now add the onion and fry it until soft. Later add the chilli powder, asafoetida, turmeric and clove. Once combined, remove the pot from the stove. Place the rinsed lentils and tomatoes in a stock pot or pressure cooker with 4 cups of water. Add the mixture in the pan to the stock pot or pressure cooker. Add salt to taste. If you are using a stock pot, reduce simmer for about 20 minutes or until the lentils are done and the soup is a thick consistency. If you are using the pressure cooker then close and put the whistle on. Leave it for 5 to 6 whistles and turn off. Keep it aside for 10 minutes until the pressure cools down. Once the soup is ready to serve, mix it well with a masher. Add it to the serving bowl. Sprinkle the freshly chopped coriander. Goes good with Indian bread (Chapatti, pulka, naan bread) or hot rice or even with different varieties of all day bread.

Hi all, This week’s recipe is one of my mummy’s – she’s the one who taught me how to bake and this cake is so moist (teehee ‘moist’) and delicious! Please try it, and send me pics if you make it!

What you will need: • 1/2 cup butter (113gms) • 1 and 1/4 cups sugar (I use vanilla castor sugar) • 2 eggs • 2 cups normal flour • 1 tablespoon baking powder • 1 teaspoon salt

• 3/4 cup of milk • 1/4 cup of water • 250gms masked pony • 11/2 teaspoons lemon zest (more is nice) • 2 cups blueberries (fresh is best, otherwise frozen)

Method 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

Preheat oven to 190 degrees Celsius, and grease up a large round cake tin. Cream butter and sugar. Add eggs and beat well. Sift flour, baking powder and salt, mix water and milk. Add dry alternately with wet to creamed mixture. Beat in masked pony and lemon zest. Fold in blueberries. Pour into well-greased pan, and add topping here if you are going to use it, otherwise bake for 45 minutes (I tend to bake about 10 minutes longer).

Facebook: @MissCharlotteCake Twitter: @Misscharcake Instagram: @Misscharlottecake


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A GRINGO ABROAD FIREFIGHT IN THE FAVELA

by Matt Neary In an instant, the visage of a happy-go-lucky traveller wandering to a new place was ripped out with my breath as panicked cries I didn’t understand being shouted from somewhere I never had time to see, spurred the favela street into chaos. I was following a stranger to my hostel in Rio de Janeiro’s Complexo de Alemao favela, ignoring the friendly warnings from a group of teenagers to not go any further under the assumption they were trying to scare the only gringo in sight, my huge backpack and blonde hair not exactly an everyday spectacle for the residents here. But when the military police took a moment from pointing their assault rifles down an adjacent alleyway up ahead to wave us back, the first prick of unease grabbed me. Joining the crowd of teenagers and other locals, we waited in hushed conversation, and for me, awkward smiles. Out of tense stillness, those shrieked warnings swooped through the calm like an axe, loud and suddenly, and the crowd swarmed in panic, bottle necking as they squeezed through a small door behind us into an internet cafe. I entered last, still fresh as to what was actually happening as a guy my age yanked down a roller door behind me and we all cowered in the highly charged silence of our protected den. A boy of about 16 was playing a shooting video game and through the chaos he never glanced from his screen once, even once the real shooting started. The first crackle of the gunfight was monstrously deafening, sickeningly terrifying, and forced a surge of adrenalin that yanked the present moment into transparent focus. It extracted gasps and cries from the locals cowering behind me as they jutted their trembling bodies further to the floor. A woman behind my shoulder began crying hysterically, clasping a young girl whose expression was neither fear or calm, but complete bewilderment as she tried to comprehend a reality far beyond her. The fighting lasted no more than a couple of minutes, followed by a short period of calm. The teenagers,

muttered jokingly amongst themselves as if this was nothing new, but even they went quiet as the lengthy rumble of an assault rifle sliced through the room and seized everyone’s attention once again. Outside was a war zone. A few minutes later, against another period of calm, the roller door was pulled up. On the opposite side of the street, a chubby teen stood in the doorway of a small superette. A young guy shouted to him and the teen retreated, reappearing a moment later with a bottle of water, which after a quick glance of caution, he threw across the street. Our guy passed it back for the terrified woman who was now hyperventilating. An old man walked past the window down the street, either unaware of the situation or disinterested in it. Either way, the room erupted with Portuguese cries for him to hide. From where I was crouching, I could see one of the police officers positioned behind a jutted wall, just waiting there with a worried mouth, clenching his black rifle. I watched him for an age, until a woman behind me made a joke, the word ‘gringo’ standing out. The crowd laughed, and I joined in just to try to free the fear stuck in my throat, the situation about as different from the sheltered haven on the end of the world I call home as you can get. My host Ellen later tells me, the war is between the police, and the gangs of the favelas. The ‘pacification’ project being undertaken in Rio is essentially a military operation designed to remove the gang presence in the slums, by any force deemed necessary. For the locals, it’s a case of same old. Before, the gangs controlled the favelas; now, the police do. This is a tense time I’m told. During the world cup, the area was tranquil, the police were relaxed and less intrusive, and the area was full of the fiestas and the community vibe the favelas are famous for. After the world cup, the police have cracked down on the gangs and are seemingly more forceful - I just so happened to pop my favela cherry during an operation. After about 40 minutes hiding in the internet cafe, it was deemed calm enough to leave, and I chatted over Google translate with a local. He explained this area has always been this way, comparing it to the Gaza strip.


image by Steve Martinez - flickr.com/photos/irre101

That first night in my hostel, the shock of the shootout still stiff in my bones, the beauty of the favela vista became tainted with the tragic realisation of what life is really like for the locals here. Outside heavily armed police are everywhere, on every corner, alert, pointing the barrels of their rifles down each alleyway as they pass, including ours. In fact if I walk out the front door, the first thing I see looking up the alley, is the top of an officer’s head peeking around the corner from the main street, the silhouette of his hand gun clearly visible, aiming down the alley where I now stand. I slide past him on my way to a cheap favela burger, a monstrous thing with a meat, egg, bacon, beetroot, potato crisps, lettuce and tomato, for $1.25. Upon my return he is still there, gun raised in locked stance in case a target comes into view. When I squeeze past him, we are both aware the gun is pointed more or less at my back. Innocent locals do get shot here, trigger happy cops mistake umbrella’s for guns or get surprised down the labyrinth of streets here. One of the residents Dave is warned not to stand too close to the edge of our rooftop, the tension is very high tonight and a jumpy policeman is dangerous in the mazelike neighbourhood and multi-story residences where spotting a gang member from a local is tough pickings. Occasionally gunshots ring out from somewhere in the distance, and in the night a huge explosion rocked me awake in bed, apparently a bomb simply designed to scare the police. In my last two days, I barely left the hostel. A gang member apparently got shot the day before last, so all the shops are closed under the order of the gangs. The streets are close to empty and there is nowhere to go, most people are simply staying indoors. I would love to come back during a more pleasant time; I have heard incredible stories during Carnival and when the hostel is bursting with visitors, and no doubt it will return to that state when this all dies down. Staying in the favela, although for me just a short and somewhat limited experience, has proved to be equally inspiring and eye-opening. The residents of the favelas, ahead of poverty and low standard of living, are living in a dangerous environment, yet they still go more or less about their

lives. Residents young and old lounge on the sidewalk, greeting everyone who wanders as if they’re family. Their homes are as connected as their relationships, with none of the privacy barriers that blot Western lives; fences, long driveways and the like. Most evenings you can look across the valley of shacks and observe a Where’s Wally level of visual stimulation. A cluster of brick and cement, half-finished rooftops and walls of dark mould, is from one perception, an architecturally dull vista. From another, it’s vast beauty washes over you like a wave and immobilises you. Beige homes sprout up from the ground at varying heights dependent on their stage of construction or the lay of the land from which they grow. Their organic construction means many roofs consist of walls which snake up to nothing, allowing you to peer into a bare story where clothes lines and wash basins live. A dog wanders around a seemingly inaccessible top floor before slumping onto the concrete to bask in the sun. Jubilant jeers yank my attention to dark void between buildings which the afternoon light ignores. A child has just become a football superstar. His older brother lifts him triumphantly to celebrate the collision between wall and football, a screamer of a goal. I take a photo and hear a voice; a shirtless man smoking a cigarette is calling to me through a huge smile a few rooftops away, but I can only shrug in reply. Behind me samba music blasts from some unknown source while across the favela laughing and chattering rises from every nook and echo across the valley in continuous waves of boisterous joy. Looking across the valley a huge ridge of Atlantic rainforest marks the edge of construction, and in that same line of sight, over a dozen tiny kites skitter erratically on the air currents, some 100 metres up or more. Their masters are scattered across rooftops throughout the town, tiny bodies from where I stand, their arms yanking swiftly in an effortless dance with the string, allowing the thin plastic kites to do the same at the other end. Down at street level in this moment, little of the magic exists, a hard edge of tension cultivated by intimidation and firearms, but in the sky far above the heavy weight of fear and violence, the locals dance. 9


KIERAN's COCKTAILS 2.0 Dessert Cocktails (Plus a few other things) by Kieran Bennett Now that you’re well and truly sloshed, it’s time for dessert. All of the cocktails we talked about last week were kind of fruity, a little tropical and (hopefully) refreshing. Now let’s move onto course two - cocktails that taste like cake and sweetness.

Irish Coffee

Ramos Gin Fizz

Cotton Candy Shooter

A classic winter warmer of a drink, Irish coffee is over 70-years-old. Invented in the 1940s by chef Joe Sheridan, Irish coffee originally didn’t contain cream. But when travel writer Stanton Delaplane brought it back to America, he worked with bar owners Jack Koeppler and George Freeberg in order to figure out how to get the cream to float on top. Some stories suggest that they worked so long on it that the three of them would often pass out from one too many. Dedication.

Created in New Orleans in 1888 by bartender Henry C. Ramos, the Ramos Gin Fizz is one of the more complex cocktails around. The Ramos is something of a chemistry experiment, with sugar acting as an emulsifier coming together with the alcohol to ‘cook’ the egg white. The Ramos Gin Fizz was so popular (and took so long to mix) that the Imperial Cabinet Saloon (home of the Ramos) had 22 bar staff employed solely to make Ramos Gin Fizz.

The Cotton Candy Shooter has no real origins, being something of a ‘low-class’ cocktail. This is no high society Ramos Gin Fizz. The Cotton Candy Shooter is a simple, yet effective, combination of cotton candy and vodka, high in alcohol and high in fun. Plus watching the cotton candy melt is really entertaining. ·

Vodka

You’ll need:

You’ll need:

·

Cotton Candy

·

45 to 60mls of Irish whisky

·

60mls gin

·

A tall glass

·

120mls of fresh brewed coffee

·

30mls cream

·

A few friends

·

15 to 30mls of simple syrup

·

1 egg white

You should then:

·

Cream with a high fat content (no added sugar too)

·

15mls of lemon juice

·

15mls lime juice

·

Place a long chunk of cotton candy in your tall glass. Pour vodka into the glass up to the top. Stir and consume raucously.

2 teaspoons of sugar

·

2-3 drops of orange flower water

·

A little bit of club soda

·

A shaker of some kind

·

A pre-warmed glass mug, toddy mug or Irish coffee glass

You should then: Whip the cream until it has begun to thicken, but don’t actually whip the cream all the way. Pour the whisky, simple syrup and coffee into your pre-warmed glass. Stir to combine. Gently spoon a helping of cream on top; it should float on top of the drink, not mix. Take your drink and curl up by the fire. Variations: For a slightly richer flavour, without adding too much sweetness, try making your simple syrup with brown sugar. Irish coffee can also be taken internationally. Replace the whisky with rum for a Jamaican coffee or for a Mexican coffee, replace the whisky with Kahlua. Or for a more dessert like version, remove the simple syrup and replace the coffee with hot chocolate. Yeah but how does it taste? An Irish coffee’s flavour is dominated by the second half of its own name. An Irish coffee has the bitter flavour of coffee combined with the slight smoothness of the whisky. What makes the drink, however, is the way creaminess is added by the, well, cream sitting on top. The cream cools the coffee/whisky mix slightly and adds a cream flavour as it passes through. This is why it's so important to have the cream float on top rather than mix through.

You should then: Put everything but the club soda into the shaker. Now, the egg white you’ve put in this shaker is somewhat bad for you. However you can fix this by mixing it up with the sugar, cream and alcohol. This does mean you will have to shake the shaker for a very long time. The Imperial Cabinet Saloon had its mixing time as 12 minutes solid, but you could maybe do with two minutes. But that’s two minutes as hard as you can. Some sources say the best fizz comes from shaking till your arms fall off. After you shake the Ramos, strain it into a glass and add a little club soda. Pop a straw in the glass and drink. Variations: None. Technically the Ramos Gin Fizz is just a variation of the original Gin Fizz. Yeah but how does it taste? A Ramos Gin Fizz has both an interesting flavour and texture. The lemon and lime give this drink a citrusy, cooling flavour. The gin gives the drink its bite while the cream and egg white counters this somewhat while giving a smooth, creamy flavour. On top of this however is the club soda and that incredible shake you gave the mix, meaning that you, somehow, have a creamy and fizzy texture.

You’ll need:

Variations: The Cotton Candy Shooter is not a ‘real’ cocktail and so the kinds of variations you can have are really only limited by your imagination and your stomach. Try different flavours of vodka or cotton candy. For a lighter taste (at least in terms of alcohol), use half vodka, half lemonade. Yeah but how does it taste? When the vodka is poured into the glass, it melts the cotton candy. After it’s stirred through, it creates a sharp, but very sweet drink that will have the taste of whatever cotton candy you use.


Apple Pie Shot

Hot Toddy

Bushwacker

An Apple Pie Shot is a solo version of the Apple Pie Shooter. Usually, the bartender will pour a little apple juice in your mouth, followed by a little vodka, topped with cream and cinnamon. I don’t know about you, but there aren’t a lot of things I’d let someone put in my mouth (read that how you will). So we’ll just make an Apple Pie Shot, a simpler, safer and more visually appealing version.

Nothing like yet another excuse to bundle up under a blanket and get a little drunk on a cold winter’s night. The Hot Toddy is a Scottish drink that (supposedly) will help the relief of cold and flu symptoms. Certainly consuming honey and tea will help, but why not go a step further and chuck in some whisky? The name is thought to be based of the name for an Indian palm wine, toddy, which was brought back to Scotland by the East India Company.

This creamy, chocolate Pina Colada type drink was first sold in 1975 at the Sandshaker on Pensacola Beach, Florida. Created by the owner of the Sandshaker after he visited the Virgin Islands, the Bushwacker is more of a dessert in a glass than an actual cocktail. The drink is so popular amongst Florida residents that since 1986 there has been an annual Bushwacker festival held in Pensacola where residents can do not a whole lot other than sip at the drink while enjoying the sun. And really, 2,700 people can’t be wrong.

You’ll need: ·

A shot glass

You’ll need:

·

30mls of vodka

A big mug

·

·

30mls of apple cider (or apple juice)

90mls of whisky

·

·

1 tbsp. of whipped cream

1 tbsp. of honey

·

·

Ground cinnamon

·

¼ of a lemon (more if you like)

You should then:

·

1 cup of hot water

Pour the vodka and apple cider into the shot glass. Top with the whipped cream and cinnamon and throw it back in one go, swishing the drink around a bit before swallowing. Not recommended for guys with moustaches.

·

A tea bag (or some other tea delivery device)

Yeah but how does it taste? A sharp, sweet shot that tastes just like apple pie. A very strong apple taste, lifted up by the addition of the cinnamon. The flavour will be slightly weaker if you use apple juice instead of cider.

You’ll need: ·

120mls of coconut cream

·

60mls of Kahlua

·

30mls of black rum

·

30mls of crème de cacao

·

120mls of milk

·

2 cups of ice

You should then:

You should then:

Coat the bottom of your mug in honey and then add the liquor and juice of the lemon quarter. Boil your cup of water and throw in your tea bag (or other tea delivery device). When your tea is done brewing, remove the bag and pour it into the mug that currently holds your lemon, whisky and honey. Stir, sip carefully and feel the relief on your throat.

Put all of these things in a blender. Blend it. Blend it some more. When it's well blended, pour it into a couple of glasses.

Variations As the Hot Toddy is intended to provide flu relief you can of course add more lemon or honey depending on how you like it. But there are other options. You could also add a stick of cinnamon for a different flavour or you can try replacing the honey with brown sugar. Also accepted is replacing the whisky with bourbon or brandy. Yeah but how does it taste? Sweet and biting. Honey and lemon has always been a great sweet combination and the addition of whisky means this classic combination now has a little something more to it. The flavour will be mellowed slightly by a cinnamon stick, but if this is not added, be prepared for an ‘alcohol’ taste.

Variations: Feel free to adjust the quantity of rum in the drink in order to suit your personal tastes or perhaps add more ice for a lighter drink. You can also try, for a more summery drink, adding strawberries or banana. Or for a more dessert like drink, trying lining the glass with chocolate syrup or just pouring the syrup straight into the blender before blending. Yeah but how does it taste? Be careful with the Bushwacker, the flavour is essentially a milkshake that happens to have alcohol in it. It’s creamy; it’s sweet and has a wonderful undercurrent of sharpness from the rum and Kahlua. The drink is perhaps improved even more with chocolate syrup added as it quickly turns into a chocolate coffee milkshake with a slight alcohol burn.

11


Dirty Banana

S’mores Martini

Another one of those sweet cocktails that seems to have just appeared out of nowhere with message board upon message board filled people claiming to have had it as this resort or that resort. The Dirty Banana is however generally accepted to be Jamaican in origin, but other than that, nothing. This fruity cocktail, with its addition of Kahlua and ice-cream, is another ‘adult milkshake’ similar to the Bushwacker.

Ah yes the S’mores Martini. We’ll be ending this week with both the most indulgent and complex cocktail. The S’mores Martini is named after the classic American camping treat, the s’more (as in, have some more). But, make sure not to actually have ‘some more’, the S’more Martini is a pretty heavy drink. But with no less than two home-made ingredients, it's not only delicious and full of calories, but impressive and fun to make.

You’ll need:

You’ll need:

·

30mls of banana liqueur

·

·

30mls of crème de cacao

-Base

·

30mls of Kahlua

·

750mls of vodka (basically a bottle)

·

2 scoops of vanilla ice-cream

·

9 cinnamon sticks

·

6 ice cubes

·

An airtight jar

A week (7 days)

You should then: -Base: Take your jar and pour the vodka into the jar. Now pop the cinnamon sticks into the jar and screw the lid on tight. You’ll need to leave this to stew for about a week in a cool, dark place, shaking it every so often. -Rim: Fill a large pot with water, around half way. Place another pot or bowl on top so that there is a seal between the two. Place your marshmallows and golden syrup in the top bowl. Heat the water slowly, do not boil it, and slowly melt you marshmallows and golden syrup together, stirring occasionally. When the mixture is fully combined and melted, take it off the heat and cool. When the mixture is cool, dip the rim of your glasses in this ‘marshmallow cream’ and sprinkle a little cocoa powder and crushed wine biscuits on the rim. -Body: Put your Drambuie, chocolate liqueur and bitters in a shaker along with ice and 30mls of your cinnamon vodka. Shake the mixture vigorously until slightly foamy. Strain it into the glass.

You should then:

-The Rim

Blend your ice and ice-cream together until smooth. Add your alcohol and blend further. Add more ice-cream if that’s what you’re feeling (or for an even smoother consistency). Pour into the glass and drink like there’s no tomorrow. And if you have enough there won’t be.

·

A bag of marshmallows (For the glass rim)

·

2 tsp of golden syrup

·

Cocoa powder (For the glass rim)

·

Crushed wine biscuits (For the glass rim)

Variations:

-Body

Yeah but how does it taste?

·

30mls of Drambuie (honey flavoured scotch)

·

30mls of chocolate liqueur

·

A dash of chocolate bitters

Like a chocolate dream. The marshmallow, cocoa and wine biscuit rim give the drink an interesting texture and sweetness. The cinnamon vodka and chocolate liqueur add to this chocolate flavour while the Drambuie adds a slightly spicy honey-like flavour. This is drink is rich, but ever so delicious.

Being a non-standard drink (like a lot of the others on this list) the variations you can engage in are really only limited by your imagination. For a simple, but strong addition, sprinkle a little cinnamon on top. Or, for a stronger flavour and less alcohol, substitute the banana liqueur with an actual banana and add more ice. Yeah but how does it taste? Like a sweet, creamy, coffee-banana milkshake. The ice-cream means this drink has a great smooth texture to it from the get go. The banana liqueur (or just a straight banana) then adds an incredible banana taste (who knew?) to bring the whole drink together in what is essentially a buzz-giving banana thick shake.

-Topping ·

60mls of cream

·

1 tsp of honey

-Topping: Rinse out your shaker and fill it with the cream and honey. Shake until it becomes thick. Spoon it out onto your drink. Garnish with a toasted marshmallow on a stick and try not to have too many.


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UPDATES SPCA Cupcake Day – Monday August 25 You can look forward to morning tea on Monday 25th August! AuSM will be hosting SPCA Cupcakes Day at Hikuwai Plaza from 10:30am at AUT City Campus. We will be selling cupcakes for $2 each and all proceeds go to the New Zealand SPCA. Perfect Father’s Day Gift Having trouble thinking of what to get for Father’s Day? AuSM sells Entertainment books at $65. It has more than 100 wonderful offers at local restaurants, hotels and activities. Get it now at AuSM office for your super dad! AuSM Connect Have you checked out our latest phone app “AuSM Connect”? You can store all your classes and schedules together with our latest news, sweet deals and events every day! Available at App store and Google Play for free. Need a Job? Student Job Search is the best place to find a job while studying, hit up www.sjs.co.nz

Kia ora guys,

VICE PREZ SEZ

Yay! It is now week six! That means one more week until break time where we don’t have to go to class and can finally catch up on some much needed study or sleep. Did you know that Pumbaa from The Lion King was the first character to fart in a Disney film. That is the fact of the week out of our AuSM diary - feel free to grab yourself and a friend one to help manage your time! They are located at various places around all three campuses and you can always find them at any AuSM office so help yourself. A big thank you to all of you who donated blood last Tuesday and Wednesday! Your one donation can help save the lives of up to three people so thank you. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to donate like I normally do as I recently had a tattoo done and have to wait six months. But I will join you all next time around. SPCA Cupcake Day 25th August Every year AuSM gets right in behind supporting the annual SPCA Cupcake Day Appeal! It is happening in the quad (Hikuwai plaza) on Monday so please help by buying some delicious sweets. Thank you to everyone who volunteered to help by baking towards this great cause. As a pet lover myself, I am very thankful for everything

the SPCA have done and still continue to do. Political Party forum 28th August This week on Thursday, politicians are coming to our city campus and our President April will be asking them all a few questions. If you would like to ask a question please feel welcome to email April so she can ask on your behalf. Her email is april.pokino@aut.ac.nz. Please feel free to come along and watch, but be nice! All this talk about politicians hopefully reminds you to vote and it is important that you do. Your voice does make a difference so why not let it be heard. I’d also like to make a special shout out to a fourth year student named Lucy Chen who’s studying midwifery. You did an amazing job delivering my sister’s baby on Monday the 18th. AUT keeping it very hands on and practical. Remember; hard yards now, easy life later. We can all do this so study hard. That’s all from me until next time. Have a great week! Urshula


Last week in Politics: The toxic Judith Collins and National’s leadership vacuum by Jason Walls I have this uncle… He used to be fun and a great person to hang out with, but lately he has become a sort of embarrassment. He does things like get drunk at public events and makes the whole family look bad; I’m have to constantly tell people “we’re a family, we stand by him.” Over the past few years, it has been happening more frequently and we keep telling him “you’re on your last chance…” but he keeps blowing it. Our family has a very important wedding coming up soon; everyone who is everyone is going to be there and we NEED it to go perfectly. Our family has been at the centre of vicious rumours so we need to make sure we look our best. But my dear old uncle, so close to the wedding, has gone and screwed up again and now people are talking. Now my family has a choice to make;

TAKING THE SOCIAL BACK FROM SOCIAL MEDIA by Rachel Barker It is truly difficult to escape the constant clicking of iPhone cameras and the insatiable need to publish each minute detail of life, or, perhaps a more refined take, revealing only snippets that we aim to tantalise our peers with and make our lives seem even more intriguing. It’s so easy to buy into the prospect of ourselves as 'celebrity' when our own friends become our followers and we worship images of each other’s carefully arranged thighs and falsely captured smirks (such selfies being intricately arranged in the privacy of a well-lit bedroom). But the more I fall into these snap-happy habits myself, the more uncomfortable I become, wrapped in the social

do we exile him from the wedding and other family events, or do we suck it up and let him come? On the one hand, if we tell him “enough is enough” and don’t let him be a part, it would cast a bad light on our family as we’re essentially kicking him out so close to the wedding. That’s not a good look; he’s had such a key role in our family for so long! But, would it make us look worse that if we let him stay? Then people might start thinking we’re all like my uncle, and the whole is a flight risk. Well, enough about my family’s problems… Let’s move on to National’s problems with Judith Collins. It would seem Dirty Politics hasn’t had an overwhelmingly negative effect on National’s polling numbers; a snap Colmar Brunton poll taken a few days after the book’s release showed 82 per cent of participants claimed it had not negatively influenced their view of National. Amidst some pretty serious allegations to do with email hacking, it would seem Key has gotten off almost scot-free. However at this point, Collins is toxic and many voters have to weigh up her actions in the past year, including the Oravida scandal, the attack on Katie Bradford and most recently her, admitted ‘more than she was letting on’ relationship with Cameron Slater.

But this is the same Collins whom once upon a time was tipped for leading the National Party after Key’s departure? For me, this whole issue has brought to light one of National’s biggest weaknesses; the leadership vacuum. Once Key is gone, who is left to steer the ship? Joyce? History has proved you don’t put your numbers man at the helm of your ship. English? Same reason as Joyce, plus his dismal 21 per cent party vote in 2002. Smith, who resigned from all his cabinet portfolios after failing to avoid a conflict of interest? Bennett, Bridges, Brownlee? None of these names really scream National Party leader to me. On the other end of the table, Labour has stacked their caucus with potential Prime Ministers. Ironically, aside from Cunliffe the left have plenty of leadership choices. David Parker who is respected by the right, Grant Robertson who is loved by the left. Shearer who could easily become Labour’s prodigal son and Jacinda Ardern, who is making waves in the Beehive despite being almost half the age of many MPs. National will have another three years governing this country, I’m sure of that; but as they do, they better be watching their backs because once they slip, it will be a very long way back up to the top.

People have been expecting her head to roll for a while now and Key continuing to stand by her as she has messed up yet again, could ultimately backfire on him. Then again, letting a key cabinet minister go this close to an election could be an even worse look.

Oh, and just for the record… I’m going to wait until after my family’s wedding to tell my uncle to go to hell, just – you know – so we still look… Good.

media web of perfection and deception. Too fearful of missing out on some sordid scandal or arrangements made by friends if I abandon my profiles, but also frightful of my own attachment to them. My wish is to simplify, yet this is difficult to do beyond a certain social point. I mean, sure, if everyone did it I'd be fine! If no one had facebook of instagram or snapchat then we could really get on with enjoying our lives, instead of worrying about who else is watching them. But to be the only one who is disconnected? This, my friend, poses far more of a challenge.

To jump back on my original train of thought; I have always had an obsession with taking pictures, and since I first wrapped my hand around a camera have been documenting everything I possibly could. This is not a bad thing, but I have decided for my own sake, with a little encouragement from my dad, to reserve my lens for art only. His gem of advice was this; think of your camera as an old film camera, where every shot was dutifully thought out and executed due to their great expense. If I only had one photo to take a month would I waste it on my breakfast? Perhaps not. Save those precious snaps for beautiful moments you really want to remember, and keep in mind that not everyone needs, nor wants, to see them.

To live in a world where 'did you see that picture of (insert name here) on Facebook last night?' was not the main topic of scintillating conversation would be bliss! Removing oneself from this world however, is harder than it seems. It is easy to justify keeping things as they are and maintaining our online lives, as stopping something in motion takes far more effort than we are often willing to fathom (cheers Newton! Or Einstein, or someone..?). So where to start? Culling my friends to only those I truly care about and erasing all traces of my online activity? Ah, but here we hit another difficulty. Do we choose not to care entirely and let unflattering image after unflattering image of ourselves be splayed across a screen, or do we choose a select few pictures, perhaps 4 or 5, to be available to the prying eyes of those investigating our namesake online. Not caring is cool (oh how I wish I could do so), mystery is sexy (but takes so much effort), and striking a balance between the two seems an almost impossible task! A suggestion: Just. Get. Rid. Of. It. All. One day soon, I plan to be brave enough.

We live in a fast paced world where we are obsessed with capturing every moment of life on our camera or iPhone before it passes us by. Now is the time to exist as a mystery to others and to give ourselves a chance to truly experience the things we have become accustomed to photographing. Shut of the computer/leave the phone at home/ put down the camera and have a bloody good time! If you are not very careful Your possessions will possess you TV taught me how to feel Now real life has no appeal Marina and the Diamonds, Oh No 15


Top Ten Freaky as Shit Animals by Kieran Bennett

10) Candiru

This Amazonian, parasitic, freshwater catfish (try saying that ten times fast) starts off our list at measly number 10 because it’s not freaky; it’s just allegedly creepy. The Candiru has a notorious reputation as ‘that worm that swims up your dick’ and, indeed, there is a case from 1997 where a Candiru swam up a man’s urethra, put down spikes and had to be surgically removed. But that said, the entire story is incredibly questionable at best. American marine biologist Stephen Spotte investigated the story and found several inconsistencies, least of all that swimming up a stream of urine is impossible and that the fish was in fact far too large to fit inside the man’s urethra. So while the Candiru is certainly freaky, it’s only the idea that’s freaky.

7) Sacculina

9) Emerald Cockroach Wasp Okay, now this one is just a little

cruel. The Emerald Cockroach Wasp isn’t super unique, but holy-damn do I hate wasps. This wasp, when it lays its eggs, doesn’t just lay its young down any old place. It stings a cockroach, paralysing it, and then lays the egg inside the cockroach. Which, in and of itself, is pretty standard (oddly enough). But afterwards, the cockroach is compelled to seek underground shelter so the parent wasp can bury it alive and protect the egg. When the egg hatches it consumes the cockroach alive and then carries on. Delicious.

Well now this one is kind of like if a crab had crabs. Sexchanging, body destroying death crabs. The Sacculina barnacle attaches itself to a passing crab and then discards its own shell. Once it's soft and pliable it squeezes into the crabs soft body underneath the shell and then forms a sack under the crab. It then waits until another Sacculina attaches, and then they mate underneath the crab. But what’s truly odd is that once this is done, the eggs are implanted inside the crab. If the crab is male, the Sacculina turns it female. Maternal instinct, wide hips, the lot. Once the Sacculina eggs hatch the crab takes care of them like they were their own.

8) Ophiocordyceps Unilateralis An entomopathogenic fungus, that is,

a fungus that actively kills insects, this fungus is proof that sometimes there are really cruel things in nature for no real reason. The spores of this fungus attach themselves to the brains of ants and begin to produce yeast inside the ant’s head. The yeast then alters the ant’s brain and forces it to enter a seizure. The seizure makes the ant fall to the forest floor and seek out its new home; a nice, green leaf. The ant attaches itself to the underside of the leaf (still occasionally twitching and writhing) and after a few days its head explodes, full of spores. Why? So more ants can do the exact same thing a few days later.

6) Filariasis

When I was researching this article I thought to myself, I don’t have enough reasons to fear mosquitos. Well, now I do. The Filariasis worm essentially lays its eggs inside someone (or something) and then these are sucked up by mosquitos. The eggs then mature inside the mosquito and next time the mosquito lands on someone (or something), the eggs are transmitted. Well hang on, isn’t that just a standard egg/parasite type thing? Well, no. Different worms have different symptoms. Lymphatic Filariasis causes not only sweating and ill-feelings like every other parasite, but also cause elephantiasis, causing body parts to swell and grow uncontrollably.


5)I saidJapanese Giant Hornet before that I hated wasps. That’s an

understatement. I utterly and completely loath wasps with a fiery passion. They’re angry, they’re creepy and they serve no purpose other than to make more wasps and kill a bunch of other shit. No more so than the Japanese Giant Hornet. These horrifying things grow to be as big as a man’s thumb and are characterised by their burning hatred towards not just Japanese Honey Bees (their main prey) but, in fact, anything else that may come too close. The Japanese Giant Hornet’s venom causes incredible swelling, burning pain and any more than 10 stings at one time is cause for medical treatment. Even more horrifying is the fact that the Japanese Honey Bee’s only defence is to cluster around the wasps, one at a time, and vibrate; overheating the wasp. But, considering 30 wasps can destroy a hive of 30,000 in 3 hours, it’s not much of a defence.

2) Argentine Horned Frog

4) Spiny Mouse

Finally, an animal on this list that doesn’t horrifically destroy something else. Of course, it’s still here. The Spiny Mouse is, for one thing, covered in little tiny spines that function in a similar way to a porcupine’s. These spines are actually very hard to see and so the spiny mouse is deceptively fuzzy. So deceptively fuzzy, it’s like it's just covered in spines that hurt. But this is nothing compared to how the spiny mouse defends himself. It removes its skin. As in, it physically removes the top layer of it's flesh, fur and all, in order to get away. Yes it is that horrible. The mouse then runs away and spends its time regenerating the lost skin. But, it only takes around 3 days for it to fully heal.

Once again another example of nature going ‘this is a good idea’ and not really knowing what she’s on about. The Argentine Horned Frog makes this list due to its somewhat unusual eating habits. The Argentine Horned Frog will open its incredibly huge mouth, which accounts for around 50% of its overall size, sit and wait. It will then leap upon anything that comes within reach. Literally anything. Because not only is the Argentine Horned Frog in possession of a huge mouth, it’s incredibly aggressive. It will quite happily leap upon insects and small rodents, staples of its diet, but will also leap upon things too large for it. The Argentine Horned Frog’s appetite is so voracious it will suffocate itself in its quest to feed, the epitome of gluttony.

3)OkayDendrocnide Moroides so the stinging bush is actually

a plant. But, it’s still pretty freaky. It may not actively consume other animals or reproduce violently; but damn it’s poisonous. Just brushing against the Dendrocnide Moroides can impart hundreds of tiny barbed hairs onto your skin which all immediately inject a neurotoxin under your skin. This toxin can then cause a burning, stinging rash that erupts in little red dots that join up into one big rash. The clincher is that the rash can last for weeks, even months. A constant reminder of your special time with the stinging bush.

1) Mantis Shrimp

A predictable choice, but a good one nonetheless. The Mantis Shrimp is a rainbow colored sea creature who’s beauty is only exceeded by its sheer power. The Mantis Shrimp’s claws are essentially deadly weapons, being strong, raptor-like claws capable of shooting out in a punching motion at 23 meters per second. Not only do they shoot out incredibly fast, but they strike with a force of 1500 Newtons. When the Mantis Shrimp punches, it actually boils the water directly around its claw and causes a slight vacuum. If the punch (somehow) doesn’t kill whatever it hits, the resulting shockwave and onrush of bubbles and warm water certainly will. Mantis Shrimp are also notoriously difficult to keep in tanks, being quite able to just punch their way through glass tanks. 17


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19


Lovenotes and Hatemail Dear debate, A mystery guest speaker in my public relations class turned out to be David Cunliffe, the leader of the Labour party, which was very disappointing considering I had waited all week for this exciting guest to be revealed. No offence to David, I’m sure he’s a really super guy, but the last thing I was interested in hearing, in a class that I had missioned all the way into the city just to attend, was some political bullshit that I truthfully couldn’t care less about. David began his talk by asking our class what it is we would like to know. We all sat in silence and stared blankly at one another. After roughly 30 seconds of muteness and David suggesting we are a class full of introverts (which was hilarious considering we are a bunch of outspoken communications students), one of our tutors finally piped up and asked him a question. I literally could not think of one thing to ask this man, even if my life depended on it. What do you ask a politician, without looking like an idiot, when you know absolutely nothing about New Zealand politics? “Young people have a set of very important reasons for voting because it’s going to affect them for longer. Voting matters because you get a different future. It’s the law that everyone gets on the role and we want to see as many young people as possible get to the poll,” David said during his spiel about young people voting and life under a Labour led government. Can somebody please tell me, as a young adult who has zero interest in politics, why I should vote, why I should care, and why it matters? All David kept saying is my vote counts and the law says you must be enrolled on the electoral role. But why should I be encouraged, in fact almost forced, to vote when I don’t feel as though I know enough to make even close to an informed decision on who should be leading my country? I find politics uninteresting, therefore I don’t follow it. I don’t know enough about the candidates and I don’t understand the political system. Stop telling me to vote and tell me why I should and what difference it will make. Young people are so easy to communicate with. The majority of us go to school or university and we are a generation addicted to social media. Instead of ranting about the importance of voting through

traditional mass media, try to talk to us in our language and through our forms of communication. I don’t care about politics but I am interested in what will affect my country and my future. Talk to me about what I find important and how voting can influence these issues, and chances are you will find me voting in this election. So here is a question for you, David, if the law says you have to be enrolled to vote and if it’s so important for young people to have their say, then why aren’t we voting? Why am I not enrolled to vote (that stays between you and me)? Stop encouraging young people to make uninformed decisions and encourage us to get informed. I love New Zealand and what happens to this country is important to me, but I don’t understand how to make what I want happen. If you follow politics and it all makes sense, please shed some light. If you agree with what I’m saying, share this message and perhaps politicians will start to get it. If you want young people to vote, help us to understand why it is so important and how it will affect our lives and futures. I don’t want to enrol or vote because I don’t feel informed enough to have an opinion. Change that and I guarantee it will change the number of young people who turn up to vote in this election. And to end on more of a positive note, David took a selfie with me. Steph Hello Steph, You raise a few questions in your article which I feel need urgent attention so I decided to publish it in letter form and give you a few answers. You say you are too uninformed to have an opinion, and therefore vote - and furthermore you seem to blame this lack of political knowledge on politicians. This is equivalent to me blaming my lack of PhotoShop knowledge on Adobe, despite the fact there are thousands of books, forums, tutorials and articles readily available for me to absorb 24/7. In regards to your point about reaching young people through “our forms of communication”, I think you’ll find the majority of politicians and political parties have social media accounts, generally Facebook and Twitter. They probably don’t have time to send you Snapchats, message you on Facebook or pose with you for selfies, but I feel they’re probably doing enough.

You say you don’t care about politics, yet you are interested in what will affect New Zealand and your future. Unfortunately, Steph, politics is what will affect New Zealand and your future, so maybe it’s time to stop waiting on Mr Key to drop by your house to fill you in, and actively get yourself in the know. You’re privileged enough to live in a country where voting is an option – don’t squander this freedom. Good luck! Matthew Steph, See, now this awkward because we actually do the same degree. However, you could not possibly be more wrong. Voting is not a burden, voting is not boring, voting isn’t even a right. It’s a privilege. There are many countries were the people have no chance whatsoever to say their country is run, let alone a chance to squander that opportunity. You say “why should I vote, why should I care, and why does it matter?”, yet you also say “I don’t care about politics but I am interested in what will affect my country and my future”. Well you seem to have answered your own question right there Steph. You vote because you want to influence how your country is run, you vote because you care. Many people (young people mostly) say they don’t vote because they feel disillusioned by the system or maybe (like you) they don’t feel educated enough to make an informed decision. Now Steph this is the point of my response where I have to refrain from saying rude things. Not voting because you don’t know enough and don’t want to make the wrong decision is kind of like not eating because you can’t pick between two different restaurants. By not going to either restaurant, you may have avoided a bad one, but god-damn you’re actually still hungry, nothing has gotten any better. As for education, your entire piece smacks of not only ignorance, but wilful ignorance. There is so much information out there about every party in this country, and it’s on so many different platforms. Lacking knowledge about something, especially the political parties in your own country, in this day and age, is really down to you. And maybe it’s boring, but so what? You’re old enough to vote, surely you’re old enough to research something yourself? Kieran


Hi, I'm writing in regards to the Doctor Who Cheat Sheet article in this week’s issue of debate. While I agreed with several of the entries, the Human Nature two partner, Midnight, The Doctors Wife, I was disappointed the only episodes to reach the list were made post the 2005 reboot. I may be being a bit sensitive to the matter as a sometimes over dedicated fan but it was strange for the article to highlight the show spanned a phenomenal 50 years but neglected to highlight the brilliant stories during the classic era. There is a massive range of well written, acted and directed episodes that, again as a possibly too passionate fan, are already under appreciated as it is and in my opinion are better than some of the entries in the article. Obviously the article is published and I'm not going to expect you to pull it or anything ridiculous like that but perhaps in future issues lists like this could be one episode per Doctor to enhance variety. Also, again apologies for being a bit pedantic about this, the photo of the Dalek in the list is from a 1973 episode and a different design to the 2005 model in the episode talked about, as much as I hate his abilities as a showrunner, I noticed Steven Moffat's last name was mis-spelt, and in your Facebook post you said "Dr. Who", the show has itself only very rarely used that name and that was only in the credits, it’s a common thing people do but if I'm being pedantic about everything else I might as well about this, properly its Doctor Who, not Dr. Who, it’s kind of like if someone said "Contest of Chairs" instead of Game of Thrones, you probably know what it's meant to be but it just looks wrong. While I did disagree with some of the article (You really don't need to know who River Song is to explore Doctor Who) I did find it interesting and like I said, I did agree with some of the choices.

to watch the Eleventh Doctor, they need to have a vague idea of who River is, otherwise that stuff is as confusing as fuck. I shall however give you a pass on the Dalek photo - very fair complaint *glowers in Matthew's direction* Enjoy the new season, Ethan Dear Stuart, Saying you might be a bit sensitive to the matter is the understatement of the year, but I must say I am relieved you don’t expect me to pull the magazine. Dr. is an abbreviation of Doctor, while contest is a synonym of game, so unfortunately, it’s not quite the same thing and I do you hope you can forgive us this minor error – I try to avoid bad television and I didn’t realise a mere abbreviation could be so misguiding. I hope in future, any articles on the good Dr. will be more aligned to your personal preferences. Xoxo

Dear Stuart, The point of the article was to give people a taste of the rebooted series, as it specifically stated in the introduction, and suggest episodes that require little context but can be enjoyed simply on their own and introduce them to the series. I probably would have included some of the original series had I had the time; however, I think most people need to fall in love with the reboot first before going back and diving through the crappy special effects, cheesy acting and atrocious villains of the old series. And I think if people are going

Just wanted to say that you guys are pretty darn consistent when it comes to making my week a little brighter. I actually look forward to Tuesday mornings (I don’t have class on Mondays) when I can pick up my copy and have a browse and a laugh or two. I’m a fan of your whole team over there, but recently I’ve really been enjoying Jason Walls’ politics column. It’s an awesome new contribution to the mag. Tell him to keep it up, if for no other reason than to make me happy. Cheers guys, keep it up!

Hey! Thank you! We always love when it’s brought to our attention that people are not only picking up the mags, but reading the content inside. We’ll be sure to pass that message along to Jason (we’re pretty chuffed that he’s gracing the pages too)! Thanks for all of the happy feels, hope we’ve done your expectations justice this week. All the love, Matthew

Matthew Hey debate, Hi Matthew, I just wanted to email in and tell you how great I thought your e-book debate was this week. I don’t know if it was a particularly weak argument by Kieran or a typically strong and full-bodied response by you, but wow, it was incredible. Much love,

What happened with the sudokus last week? I had to sit through a lecture and actually listen to it. This is not on. I’m a bit disappointed in you as a person and I hate your face and body. Yours sudokully, Ella.

Julie Cattin.

Thanks for your time, Stuart.

Hey debate,

Hi Ella, Hi Mum, Thanks for backing me up. It means a lot to have such an unbiased affirmation of my argument. I did try warning Kieran that his debate skills were no match for my own, but in his youthful arrogance, he thought he stood a chance. Awkward, I know. See you at home. Matthew

You’re not the only one feeling hateful right now. I’m ugly. Matthew

Want to whisper a sweet nothing in our ear? Or would you rather scream hateful somethings at us? Either way, email us at mcattin@aut.ac.nz., or drop your letter off to the AuSM office. We look forward to hearing your judgement of us! 21


Distance Be Damned

by Laurien Barks If Dear John, The Lake House, and The Time Traveller’s Wife have taught us anything, it’s that long-distance relationships make for one helluva tale (and that they’re primarily comprised of ridiculously attractive beings). Having been half of a six year long distance relationship myself, I’m most definitely familiar with the ups and downs of the fantastical world of LDRs. I’m not going to lie, it’s a tough thing to take on and unsurprisingly, nowhere near the romanticised interpretations that Hollywood pumps out. Some people tell me that it’s even harder with a human than it is with a cat, but I have a hard time believing that. Whether you’re hundreds of kilometres away, or countries away, the long distance relationship isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s a humongous effort that only the bravest of us face. This week we’ve interviewed four couples who decided to take the long distance plunge, for better or for worse, when cupid’s arrow struck just a little too hard and managed to shove them just beyond reach of each other.


Jasper and Hollie (Distance: 18,325km) How did you and your partner meet? We met online, through a poetry website. I happened to stumble on some of her writings and a few weeks later was when we actually started talking to each other on a friendly level. I’m told she didn’t trust me at first because I came across as far too refined and polite.

per cent committed to making it work. Long distance relationships are difficult, but if you and partner have the strength to see it through to the day you can be together again, it will strengthen your love like nothing else. And make goals! Being in a long distance relationship with seemingly no end is going to make you want to give up on many occasions, so you need something specific to hold on to during those rocky times. Making plans for when you’re going to meet, even short term plans, like planning a date night each week to spend a few hours webcamming or syncing a movie together can make a big difference.

How long did you date before having to make the transition to a long distance relationship? For a few months we just spoke as friends, eventually transitioning from talking through the website to chatting through Facebook. We became really close friends, and I was adamant at the time that I wasn’t after a long distance relationship because I had heard bad things about how difficult they were to maintain. But gradually bits and pieces of a developing bond began to show through until one night, after a long pause, she blurted out that she had fallen in love with me, to which my only response was “oh.” I signed off for the night and laid awake for a long time debating whether or not I was prepared for this and in the end I couldn’t deny that I’d fallen for her too. I called her in the morning and confessed my own feelings and things advanced from there.

How did you and your ex meet? My ex and I met at the mall. Literally the only things to do where we lived were go to the mall, the movies, or walk around by the bridge. We were both mallrats. He was playing the wave game and I waved back, waving turned into saying hello, turned into hanging out turned into dating.

How often do you see each other? So far we’ve only met in person once, when she came to visit during the middle of the year for two and a half weeks, quite probably the best of my life. I now have tickets booked to go and visit her for five weeks over the Christmas break, so it’d be fair to say we see each other in person at least every six months.

How often did you see each other? Once I was in New Zealand, he visited me after about five months of being apart for a two week visit. It's quite expensive to frequently travel across the world! Two years of being apart - that was the only time we physically saw each other.

How often and by what means do you communicate with each other? We chat every day through Facebook messenger, keeping up to date with what’s going on in each other’s lives and everything else. We also set aside some time each weekend to Skype each other, so we have a webcam chat at least once a week, usually for a few hours. If something happens or I need someone to talk to, she’s always the first I go to, and vice versa. What are the three biggest challenges of a long distance relationship? 1) The biggest would be the lack of touch. Not being able to put your arms around someone and give them a hug or feel their hands on you can be a huge challenge. It can get pretty lonely not being able to share the basic intimacy of touch in a realm where all you really have are words and expressions. There’s no real way to get around this one, you just have to get through it with the promise that sooner or later you’ll have the opportunity to meet in person and make up for lost time. Cybersex and a good imagination helps. 2) Communication and availability is another big one, trying to make the most of what little time you have to talk to each other, and the fact that an instant message chat is no replacement for a face to face talk. 3) The emotional strain of not being able to be there for your partner is very difficult. When your partner is upset, and the only comfort you can offer is words and emoticons, there is the possibility you’re going to feel inadequate or vulnerable. The prospect of other people being there for them, of other people filling your role, may grow in your mind and open the way for things like paranoia and jealousy. You’ve just got to believe in how much you love one another and that you both really want to be together. How do you keep your relationship strong? I don’t know if there’s any magical way, really. I think we just love each other incredibly strongly. The kinds of people we are, and the support and love we offer each other are just something we know we’d never be able to find in another person, and I’d say we’re both incredibly unbelievable lucky to have found each other in this world. But as a base answer, things like prioritising honesty, trust and understanding really help. Being completely open and loving with one another has really helped us get through hard times. Ultimately there’s just no one else in the world I’d rather be in love and spend the rest of my life with, and I know she feels the same way. This simple fact is enough to keep our relationship going strong through just about anything. Distance be damned. What advice would you give to someone considering a long distance relationship? Biggest advice: Don’t get into a long distance relationship if you are not 100

Rachel and Cree (Distance: 13,876)

How long did you date before having to make the transition to a long distance relationship? We dated for about a year before I moved to New Zealand.

How often and by what means did you communicate with each other? When I first got here we Skyped as much as possible, but the longer we were apart the less we Skyped. Facebook messenger was our number one means of communication and even though there's a huge time difference, it still seemed like we talked 24/7. What are the three biggest challenges of a long distance relationship? Trust issues are a major challenge. Having a life of your own and not letting the fact that your significant other is far away drag you down too much; dwelling on how miserable you are and how much you miss them isn't going to help anyone. I think the number one challenge, though, is communication. Staying in touch is hard, even if it's with someone you love more than anything. Did you have a planned time when the distance between you would be closed? With my relationship it was always uncertain as to when we could be back together. That was one of the major reasons why we broke up. He wanted a date and time (down to the second) and I didn't have one and I didn't want to think about one. I wanted to just see where life was going to take me, and he wasn't okay with that. What kind of things did you do to try and keep the relationship strong? We used to send each other cards/presents. We got matching bracelets that read "love knows no distance". To be honest though, I don't remember the cute things we used to do because the longer the relationship went on, the less we did. What advice would you give to someone considering a long distance relationship? I would say don't do it. Well, it depends. How far away are they? Three hours on a bus, or a nineteen hour plane ride? How long are they going for? A year exchange or an indefinite amount of time? There are so many factors to consider when making a decision like this. Distance tore me and my ex apart, and people can say "your love just wasn't strong enough," but that's bullshit. It's really difficult, and honestly, I think the more you love them, the harder it makes it. It takes a lot out of you to maintain a long distance relationship. It'll feel like you're always half here, half there. I know that some people make it work (my parents did, back in the day when Facebook messenger and Skype didn't exist) but it's not for everybody. I think when it comes down to it, you have to be selfish and do what you feel is right for you. But I think you need to REALLY think about it, don't just do it because you think it's better than breaking up now, because let me tell you, breaking up later is going to hurt a lot worse. 23


Amelia and James (Distance: 18,741km) How did you and your ex meet? His cousin was a student at the school I worked at and was like, "Ohhhhh my gosh you need to meet my cousin! He likes photography and stuff too and blah blah," and I sort of took it with a pinch of salt thinking nothing would ever come of it. But then she showed up with his business card for me (he's an events photographer) and that spurred the craziest period of Facebook stalking and "will I talk to him, won't I talk to him" thoughts before I decided to #YOLO it and just said hey. Then we got chatting and he happened to be in town to see his other cousin in a comedy festival (he's Irish- so many cousins everywhere!) and we both ended up going to that and decided to stay in contact. How long did you date before having to make the transition to a long distance relationship? I've never been a big believer in 'IT'S NOT OFFICIAL UNTIL IT'S ON FACEBOOK' or whatnot, so I'd say there was a solid four months that we were "together" before I had to painfully make my way back to New Zealand. A few weeks after we met I left for two months to go travelling, but we kept up with each other the whole time so I feel like we'd been a thing for a lot longer than we actually were. How often did you see each other? Because of my silly gap year boarding house job I basically only saw him on weekends but we did a wee trip to England together over one break and actually just recently I let him sleep at my apartment and eat all my food whilst he visited New Zealand for two months (jokes, it was actually loads of fun having him around - I loved it). How often and by what means did you communicate with each other? When I left Ireland communication was Facebook, Skype and WhatsApp as well as the odd cute letter because we're both nostalgic for stuff like that. We're stupidly busy, flaky people though so contact was pretty erratic and sometimes really uneven. Like I'd come home some days and write him a novel being like "I MISS YOU SO MUCH AND THIS IS HOW MY DAY WAS AND BLAH BLAH BLAH" and he'd respond hours later being all "lol what, I just got home from town and I'm drunk, goodnight hun" and vice versa of course. But we're good writers/typers, so when we chatted, we chatted well for the most part. What are the three biggest challenges of a long distance relationship? Coming to terms with the fact that it's not really a relationship if they aren't there. Or maybe after a certain length of time... Basically. Looking back on things now, I'd say I loved someone who lived in Ireland. I'd say I enjoyed talking to/confiding in someone who lived in Ireland. But I couldn't call it a relationship, it can never compare to the complicated dynamics of actually having a human being in your physical space and your immediate life. Long distance, I now feel, is a place holder or a link that you maintain if there's an end in sight. Say if in three months you'll be together again and you are adamant you don't want to drift apart. But when things are open ended it's not romantic, and sometimes it's not even empowering. It's just scary and it hurts. Did you have a planned time when the distance between you would be closed? The two month thing [in New Zealand] I mentioned was a bonus, both of us wanted to see the other again but had almost no notion of how that could happen, despite our keen-ness for it. I absolutely believe we'll hang out again, but there never was and most likely never will be a set date. What kind of things did you do to try and keep the relationship strong? Snapchat is a beautiful thing! It lets you have cute, dorky, spontaneous times together a lot like what would go down naturally if you were in the same city. I think honesty is also a really crucial thing, it does no one any favours to be more in love with an IDEA of someone than with the person themselves, so we both just tried to be really candid with where we were at and how we were feeling all the time (probably a fab thing to do in any relationship, really). What advice would you give to someone considering a long distance relationship? Have a serious think about how long you'll be apart for and use that as a

guide. I'm not saying long distance relationships aren't rewarding or beautiful in their own way, but there comes a point sometimes (sometimes) when you have to say "let's just chill out a bit with this now and if our paths cross later, that's how it's meant to be". Don't forget that people change and evolve even if you're not there to watch them do it... and find a way to hold onto good, happy memories and replay them as often as you can. Actually that goes just for life in general. Replay all the happy feels, always.

Laurien and Chloe (Distance: 12,470km) How did you and your partner meet? We met when I was five, actually. Her mother gave birth to her in my laundry basket and we’ve been together ever since. How long were you together before having to make the transition to a long distance relationship?ne We were together for nine years before I had to move from Canada to New Zealand. We discussed her making the move with me, but between the quarantine, her four baby daddies, and seven children, we decided that’d it probably be best for her to stay close to home, at least initially. How often do you see each other? I haven’t actually seen her since I dropped her carrier kennel off at my Grandmother’s house in 2008. It was a hard day for both of us, but we always knew it would be worth it to keep the relationship alive. How often and by what means do you communicate with each other? Mainly skype. Occasionally a phone call. She doesn’t really like when Grandma holds her face up to the webcam so it’s only ever brief conversations, but you kinda take what you can get when you’re in a situation like ours. What are the three biggest challenges of a long distance relationship? 1) The lack of a physical relationship. It’s all fine and dandy to make kissy faces at a computer screen, but sometimes my lips ache for a furry head to plant themselves on. 2) The attitude. It’s a lot easier to talk things out and solve conflicts in person than it is by other means of communication. I’m constantly being forced to deal with the silent treatment over the phone. 3) The temptation can be a pain. I’ve definitely slipped up, stroked my hands up and down some strange. I’m only human. I’m not going to say no to a nice coat, soft tummy, and lengthy tail when it saunters my way. And I have to assume she’s doing the same. It’s a tough place to be in for both parties. Do you have a definite point when the distance between you will be closed? We went into this knowing there would be no exact time line, so the date on which we will be reunited is still very much up in the air and left to the decision of the destiny gods. How do you keep your relationship strong? It’s always the little things, isn’t it. Sure I can’t give her a hug ‘just because’ or bring her a ‘thinking of you’ treat to remind her of what she means to me. But I do arrange for a spoonful of peanut butter to be given to her, or a scrap of turkey at Christmas time. I also make sure I send over soft sheep skin blankets for her to sleep on, and remind Grandma to scratch her ear in just the right spot. It’s harder to achieve ‘sweet nothings’ from opposite sides of the world, but not impossible. What advice would you give to someone considering a long distance relationship? Love finds a way. It doesn’t always take the quickest or easiest path, but it’s guaranteed to find its way in the end. Don’t be afraid if the path cracks in half and extends in opposite directions for a while, if it’s meant to be, it’ll do whatever it takes to mend itself.


POLE PROFILES

a pole persuasion By Luseane Tupouniua. “I read about it somewhere or heard an ad for classes and it tweaked my interest. I then visited a strip club and was in awe of a stripper (who was just doing intermediate moves, by the way). I thought it was so cool and sexy and badass. Then I signed up for classes, and the rest is history.” Dirdy Birdy. If you were to mention to a stranger that you pole dance, I’d wager that nine times out of 10, they’ll think you’re a stripper looking for clients. However, knowing a few pole dancers myself, I began to wonder just how mainstream it was becoming as a hobby, a fitness regime, a form of adult entertainment, or the triple threat – all of the above. So in the last couple of weeks I went out on a little adventure to find out a little more as to why people pole dance and enjoy it as much as they do. I spoke to five different dancers ranging from professionals, plain ol’ average Joes and a mother, with ages ranging from 24-33 years; to help give us debate readers a little insight. Pole dancing, believe it or not, has been around for centuries in one form or another. Around 800 years ago in India, poles were used in a sport known as Mallakhamb, a form of exercise and endurance which slightly resembles the strength and precision applied in modern pole dancing. In the 1920’s during the Great Depression, it grew into an exotic dance within travelling fairs and circuses. Women would use the pole in the middle of a tent and dance seductively for the men inside it. They were labelled as Hoochi Coochi dancers because of the way they moved their hips. *sings* “You ain’t nothin’ but a hoochi mama.” Anyways, fast-forward 60 years to Canada where pole dancing crept its way into bars and combined with strip tease to place it in the now known category of erotic dance. According to Lauren Runge (Miss Nude 2013/14) It doesn’t take much to learn how to be a pro stripper, she just “learnt on the job after a few (too many) jaegers”. You may wonder how people get into poling in the first place. Funnily enough, nearly everyone that I interviewed shared similar stories of finding it through a friend or online deal. That was the beginning of their love affair with poling. Not only that, it has given them the opportunity to use their new skill to their advantage. Through social media they’ve posted videos on Facebook to advertise clothing businesses, increase their libido and get their physique back after popping out children. Where they draw inspiration from is another story, but again they all answered similarly, saying it’s not just other polers that inspire them to try new moves and find their dancing style. Andre Corey says he gets inspiration everywhere, be it songs, movies or other amazing polers. This is what helped him get to the top and become the first Mr Pole Dance New Zealand champion in November 2013. With pole dancing becoming more mainstream and accepted, men and women of all different sizes have signed up in classes to change the way their bodies look and help strengthen their core muscles - it’s clearly not just for the night clubs and stripper money anymore. When asked to share her thoughts on pole dancing’s evolution into something more conventional, Hayley Matiu, a mother of two said “it’s good! [There’s a] lot less prejudice against dancers. It’s more accepted and people genuinely enjoy it and realize it’s a great way to increase fitness and confidence!” Gone are the days where people would just go to the gym and work out (well, those who had memberships anyways). Things have stepped up and poling is slowly becoming a popular way to exercise, helping dancers reach their full potential while looking great in heels! Yes, you men can wear heels too if you want. But as Theo Halili, 24, proclaims, “hopefully one day it will be the norm just like a yoga class. There’s still a long way to go till that happens, but until then, it’s good knowing that there’s a change in the way people are starting to perceive pole dancing.” Heck, they’re even trying to make it an Olympic sport! If that eventually happens, I wouldn’t be surprised to see the other arenas completely clear out. Nearly naked women doing their thaaaaang on a pole like it’s a human? That’s where your husbands will be with their popcorn. And the cougars on the other side gazing at the shirtless men. Being a pole fan, I find myself searching videos on YouTube and following dancers on Facebook, watching in awe at how well the dancers can move their bodies. It is absolutely breath-taking! Not only is it artistic, but the pure athleticism in the performances is beyond words… Beyond beautiful! Once I give up my love for fatty foods, I will enrol myself in a class and hopefully be the one in the video, not the one watching (in my dreams). To those who are considering pole dancing as a new workout, just for laughs, or for new moves in the bedroom, Dirdy Birdy gives the perfect advice: “Be patient. Work on correct form, build up strength, train so your body can pole till you die (that is if you want to pole forever). I do! Lastly, don't put pressure on yourself to be better than anyone. If you have a goal, work on it but make it your journey, not a competition to be better than someone else. Keep it fun and fabulous.”

Name: Lauren Runge aka Miss Hunter Melbourne. Age: 30. Occupation: Stripper and pole dance instructor. Favourite songs to pole to: Closer – Kings of Leon, Shake That – Eminem. Favourite move: The Butt Hold aka Seahorse. Dancing style in one sentence: Sexy, fluid and erotic. How long have you pole danced? 10 years and counting! Do you pole for fitness, fun or work? All three. This job is exciting, erotic and great for my body! Name: Theo Halalili. Age: 24. Occupation: Regional Manager. Favourite songs to pole to: Closer - Kings of Leon. Favourite move: Hello boys. Dancing style in one sentence: Gracefully strong. How long have you pole danced? I’m no longer one, but I did it for 10 weeks in 2012 Did you pole for fitness, fun or work? I did it to meet new people and I heard it was a great way to improve fitness, especially building your core muscles. Name: Hayley Matiu. Age: 26. Occupation: Homemaker/student Favourite songs to pole to: Only Girl – Rihanna. Favourite move: The split grip Chinese rubber Aysha. Dancing style in one sentence: My dancing style differs - I think it’s more burlesque with authority. How long have you pole danced? Six years now Do you pole for fitness, fun or work? Fitness and for fun! It’s how I keep my physique after having kids! Name: Andre Corey. Age: 24. Occupation: Barista. Favourite Songs to pole to: I like all sorts from slow slimy stuff to fast heavy hitting beats to sexy dark tracks. Favourite move: Not so much a move but I love spins on a static pole. Dancing style in one sentence: I think my style is ever changing and also depends on what kind of performance/gig I'm doing but my main focus is always on fluidity and nice clean lines. How long have you pole danced? It will be four years in September Do you pole for fitness, fun or work? All of the above. Name: Dirdy Birdy. Age: 33. Occupation: Business owner/dancer. Favourite Songs to pole to: R&B. Favourite move: Just recently Titanic and Icarus. Also, Superman and cupid are always my go to moves. Dancing style in one sentence: Everyone says I have a style but I'm not sure I can pinpoint what it is exactly. Okay one sentence. Emotional, sensual, fluid, free and flowing. How long have you pole danced? Six years. Do you pole for fitness, fun or work? All of the above! Fitness, fun and as part of my work. I don't teach or perform but I use pole dance videos to advertise my clothing label. 25


MY EMERALD HEART by Amelia Petrovich I am a traveller at heart. This is different to being a traveller by trade; no one forces me to explore places and I sure as heck don’t get paid for it either. But if I stay too long somewhere I get antsy. I mean it, this is not some poetic Tumblr bullshit here, and being ‘stuck’ anywhere really, really freaks me out. In saying that though, every so often there are places that strike a bit of an emotional chord. On my worst days, feeling connected to so many places at once makes me feel like a wandering nomad. Tumbleweed in the wind kind of thing, that whole shebang. But if I’m being a happy, positive person I suppose I could just say that I have many homes at once and that’s kind of cool. One of those home-y places, possibly the most home-y place for me has been Ireland. I lived and worked in County Kilkenny for a year and the place had me absolutely spellbound. New Zealand is where I live, it’s where my friends and family are and I will always love it but Ireland feels like home. This has been the hardest thing to explain and justify to people, it really has. I’ll never forget the first time I met up with my Kiwi buddies after I’d arrived back in the country (after a gruelling, heart splitting journey back down to what felt like the southern edge of nowhere). I was trying to describe how I found ‘being back’ to one of my high school friends and ended up simply saying, “I’m homesick, I’m so homesick for Ireland”.

Well this guy (who is absolutely lovely, even if he does go to Otago now) just looked at me with such incredulity and responded “but you only lived there for one year of your life!” That hit me really hard. I didn’t know that your love for and comfort within a place had anything to do with the amount of time you spend there. Shit, I’ve spent over half of my life in the New Zealand schooling system and the thought of NCEA doesn’t make me go dewy eyed or anything. Because belonging is a feeling, not a time period. I felt more at home in Ireland in some ways than I ever have here in New Zealand. A lot of this feeling comes very simply from the kind of place that it is and how it affected me. I had another friend muse upon my return that Ireland is “pretty much exactly the same as New Zealand, really”. I didn’t think so at all. In Ireland there was such an endearing pride in the place itself, down to the smallest geographical detail. It mattered what town you lived in, what county you were from, what province. This was so dominant that a lot of the time it was how people introduced themselves (“I’m Shelly, South Tipperary!”), and the school I worked at even made a point of naming every single student’s home county as they called them across the stage at graduation. Of course, there was selfdepreciating humour, the odd “sure, look at the rain! Why the feck didn’t you go to Spain instead?” but I felt a quiet pride there too I think, and it was a pride that I liked. People in Ireland are cheeky and full to the brim with banter, but not the snide, egoistic wisecracking you get around here. It was more genuine, more for the sake of humour and levity than actually calling other people out.

I fell in love with Dublin too. It’s unlike any city I’ve ever seen, Georgian and British in some ways but also distinctly European and bustling. It’s a city of extremes, both beautiful and dysfunctional at once. I think that’s how I like my cities generally now though, a little bit stunning but a little bit nauseating - Ha’Penny Bridges over water but also hurling drunks littering O’Connell Street. I think one extreme makes you appreciate the other, and to me that’s Ireland all over. I could make an endless list of physical things that I miss (Daim bars, their tiny narrow roads, tea as a cure for everything, the endless ruins and cathedrals steeped in history), but as I write this I’m realizing that the real reason Ireland means so much to me is none of these things. I grew up a New Zealander but Ireland was the very first home that I ever chose for myself. I started to craft my own life there, rather than replicate the life that my parents lovingly crafted around me for 18 years. It was a life that I feel was snatched from me prematurely (a year-long Visa is a bitch of a thing because a year is never enough) and I think Ireland has such a hold on me because I can’t stop thinking about where my life would be if I was still there, immersed in the little intricacies that I loved. I’m only 20 and my heart is no country’s domain just yet, it’s a big and exciting world out there and I intend to continue being excited about it. But if I was being honest about things, I think the biggest portion of my heart is still in the middle of the Emerald Isle. To be sure, to be sure.


27


Karen Dai (Student Advisor Chinese centre) and Jun Fa (Alex) Zhang

Congratulations to Jun Fa (Alex) Zhang, winner of an iPadAir for completing the Student Readiness Survey. Alex completed a BSc in Psychology in China and then returned to New Zealand to undertake a Diploma in Culinary Arts at AUT. He has utilised the services of the Chinese Centre since he started at AUT and has found the staff very supportive . The Chinese Centre workshops have also assisted him with both his english language and his study.

Are you in financial hardship? AUT can give you financial hardship grants for:

• •

Food Rent arrears

• •

Transport Other living expenses

A budgeting service is also available

www.aut.ac.nz/student_services/financial CITY 921 9334 NORTH 921 9332 SOUTH 921 9306


VOX POPS

This week we unleashed our sub-editors int o the public to get the goss from some AUT kids. They get deep and meaningful about the world of pole-dancing and long distance relationships. Interviews by Laurien Barks and Kieran Bennett

Trixibelle Swan, 3rd Year Communications Student, Public Relations Major Would you rather see your parents pole-dance or pole-dance for them? Pole-dance for, if I was drunk. Not a private show though, I reckon they would die before I made it out of counselling. Would you support pole-dancing at the Olympics? If it wasn’t slutty, then yes. If it was about the athletics. It’s gymnastics really. What would your pole-dancer name be? I’d keep my real name, it’s already pretty awesome. Would you enter a long distance relationship? At this stage, yes. Any relationship would be good. Amiee Boekhout, 3rd Year Communications Student, PR and Advertising Major Would you rather see your parents pole-dance or pole-dance for them? See them pole-dance. It’d be funny. Would you support pole-dancing at the Olympics? Yeah, it’s meant to be really good exercise. Some people are really good without being whory. What would your pole-dancer name be? I don’t know. Fitzy Marine Parade. Would you enter a long distance relationship? I want to say no based on previous experiences in my life. Zubia Jawed, 2nd Year Bachelor of Health Science, Psychology Major Would you rather see your parents pole-dance or pole-dance for them? I guess I would do it. I wouldn’t want to see that. I wouldn’t want my parents to do that. Would you support pole-dancing at the Olympics? I don’t know. I find it weird. I’d say no, there are other sports out there. What would your pole-dancer name be? Kitty Wood. Would you enter a long distance relationship? No. It’s such a hassle; you don’t know what they’re doing. Jaina Vallabh, 3rd Year Communications Student, Digital Media Major Would you rather see your parents pole-dance or pole-dance for them? Pole-dance for them. My parents are Indian. My mum would lose her sari. Would you support pole-dancing at the Olympics? Fuck yeah I would. It’s a sport, those people are fit. What would your pole-dancer name be? Janaiquay. My friend would be so proud. Would you enter a long distance relationship? Depends, have I met them before? Yeah, should be fine as long it's not Antarctica. Giacomo Gambassi, 1st Year Bachelor of Arts Student, Politics Major Would you rather see your parents pole-dance or pole-dance for them? Pole-dancing for my parents. I’d look better on a pole. Would you support pole-dancing at the Olympics? Yes. It’s a very athletic sport. It’s not the only reason though. What would your pole-dancer name be? The Italian Stallion. Would you enter a long distance relationship? Yes, if I’d known them a while beforehand.

Jarrod Stevenson, 1st Year Communications Student Would you rather see your parents pole-dance or pole-dance for them? See them pole-dance. I don’t ever want to poledance, don’t even want to visualise it. Would you support pole-dancing at the Olympics? Yeah, there’s a lot of skill involved. What would your pole-dancer name be? J-Daaawg. Would you enter a long distance relationship? Yeah, yeah I would. Probably not a different country, unless you were together beforehand. Ryan Bennett, Pre-Chiropractic Would you rather see your parents pole-dance or pole-dance for them? Pole-dance for them. I want them to be proud of me. Would you support pole-dancing at the Olympics? Yup, probably a legit sport. Wait, for guys and girls? Or just girls? What your pole-dancer name be? Trixie. Would you enter a long distance relationship? Yes, Mars would be too far though. Jake Rowan, Pre Chiropractic Would you rather see your parents pole-dance or pole-dance for them? I don’t know that I could handle my dad seeing me pole-dance. My family would tease me forever. But if they had nipple tassles that would be another story. Would you support pole-dancing at the Olympics? Um…yes. Only because I l know it’s exceptionally athletic. I mean it is just athletics. What would your pole-dancer name be? Magnus. Would you enter a long distance relationship? Absolutely not. But it could be I just haven’t found right person yet. Lepea Pisi, 1st Year Engineering Student Would you rather see your parents pole-dance or pole-dance for them? Pole-dance for them, cause it’s worse watching them. Would you support pole-dancing at the Olympics? Yeah. Wait, just girls? Or both? It’s new and exciting I guess. What would your pole-dancer name be? Lepsy. Would you enter a long distance relationship? If it’s worth it, yeah. If not, it’s just stupid. Rosalie Ewings, 1st Year Communications Student Would you rather see your parents pole-dance or pole-dance for them? Pole-dance for them, cause it’s like a sport Would you support pole-dancing at the Olympics? I guess it’s like gymnastics, so yeah. What would your pole-dancer name be? Chico Overturn. Would you enter a long distance relationship? No. I wouldn’t have the commitment, too much effort.

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Dumbledore versus Gandalf: May The Best Wizard Win DUMBLEDORE

MATTHEW CATTIN Can Gandalf tuck his beard in to his belt? Didn’t think so. Although my argument has already thwarted Kieran’s sad attempts to prove Gandalf to be more than merely a conjuror of cheap tricks, I will carry on for the word count alone.

Had Dumbledore taken Gandalf’s place in the fellowship, oh how different the story would have been. “Accio Ring of Power!” he would have cried, bringing the one ring into his possession. “Accio butterbeers!” he would have said, summoning a dozen of Madam Rosmerta’s finest. Then, after conjuring up some some comfy couches for the fellowship to relax on, he would have deluminated Sauron’s eye, transfigured the ring into a MallowPuff, put his feet up and Wingardium Leviosa’d that thing all the way to Mt Doom. Don’t get me wrong, I do love me some Gandalf. If I had to choose my favourite fictional wizards, I’d say he’s at least top 10 material. However, for the sake of the debate, I have been given the unfortunate task of showing off Gandalf’s weaknesses, so here you are. 1)

2)

Perhaps the most important point I must make is this. For the sake of the story (a ring that needs to be destroyed etc, etc), Tolkien had to dumb Gandalf down a little, otherwise he could have just used some proper magic to destroy the ring, rather than trusting it to a hobbit and his chubby gardener. And as much as I like Gandalf, I one hundred per cent believe that if Dumbledore took a port key to Middle Earth, he could have cleared that shit up before you could say Hufflepuff. Gandalf spends the majority of the film running away from foes, playing with his sword, barely doing any magic and getting beaten up by other wizards. Has he not yet passed his apparition license? Did he not learn defence against the dark arts? He might be more powerful than Dumbledore – the verdict is out – but why, in over 1,000 pages, does he never do anything all that cool with his wizard skills? Although I thoroughly enjoy watching Gandalf swing his sword around, cleaving orcs and goblins to bits, I have to wonder why he needs a sword in the first place. Surely, if he was a powerful wizard – like, say, Dumbledore - he wouldn’t need much more than a decent wand from Ollivanders. Has Gandalf forgotten wizards know magic? Or does he enjoy playing with pointy sticks like a common muggle?

3)

Sure the pressure was on (what with the battle for Middle Earth and all that…) but Gandalf was a bit of a dick on many occasions. He dissed on members of the fellowship, suggesting suicide as an out (“Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!”), he ditches the fellowship way too often (Gandalf the Gray? More like Gandalf the absent father) and in general displays poor leadership decisions (entrusting important navigational decisions to Frodo who had – until the quest began – never left the Shire). Which way Frodo? Oops, blizzard – better turn back. Sorry team, I’m stumped by a simple riddle and we can’t get into the mines. Oh, fish sticks, now I am lost. Run guys! It’s a Balrog lol. Get it together Gandalf…

4)

Gandalf is a decent wizard and he seems nice enough, but I like my wizards quirky and he doesn’t quite cut the mustard. Dumbledore on the other hand is full of delightful quirks to magic a smile on your face. He wears pyjamas, he hums to himself as he wanders the corridors of Hogwarts, he is obsessed with sweets, and he is very fond of knitting patterns. Sah cuute.

5)

As much as I like my wizards quirky, I also like ‘em flawed, and Dumbledore definitely fits this description. He made mistakes, he had regrets, he was misguided, sometimes foolish, but I believe this gives him far more depth than Gandalf whose only real flaw was his temper and lacklustre spells.

6)

And last but not least, Dumbledore – not Gandalf – was the only wizard Voldemort was ever afraid of. Need I say more?

KIERAN BENNETT Ah, Mithrandir. Protector of Middle Earth, agent of the Valar and bearded badass. Gandalf is, to me, the king of all wizards. Unequalled in power, majesty and wisdom. Dumbledore is, don’t get me wrong, a fine wizard in his own right. But I can’t help but think that Gandalf outclasses him in many respects. Matthew is no doubt sitting behind that red ply wall divider singing the praises of the Hogwarts headmaster, and they are many, but Gandalf is the one wizard to rule them all.

GANDALF

Top of the list is the most quantifiable of wizard qualities. Magical power. Now, I mean no disrespect to Dumbledore, but Gandalf is the clear winner here. Dumbledore is a very powerful wizard and, in the world of Harry Potter, is regarded by many to be one of the best (if not, the best). He can cast magic with no wand and can cast a variety of powerful spells. But see, so can Gandalf. Gandalf has a staff, certainly, but he doesn’t need it. And his spells (while less frequent) are more powerful. Dumbledore casts spells that he’s learned previously. Gandalf casts whatever Gandalf likes. Gandalf not only fought the Balrog on the bridge of Khazad-Dum, but was able to hold it back long enough for the fellowship to escape. Even when the Balrog grabbed Gandalf and dragged him down several thousand feet, he kept fighting. Even when he chased the Balrog up a thousand foot staircase, Gandalf remained powerful. Not only was he able to defeat the Balrog, but throw if off the mountain. I’m not saying that Dumbledore is weak, but if he could have only just beaten Grindelwald, then how exactly would he be able to take on an all-powerful monster of shadows and fire, run up a thousand feet, come back to life and defeat the most cunning wizard in Middle Earth? He wouldn’t, that’s how. Let’s not forget however that a wizard is more than the strength of his power. A wizard needs a purpose, any purpose; otherwise he’s just a weirdo in a hat. Gandalf’s purpose is not only important, but noble. Many people ask why Gandalf never tried to take the ring and challenge Sauron himself, thereby doing what he was supposed to do. But that’s not what Gandalf is on Middle Earth to do. Gandalf is in fact on Middle Earth to not only save it, but to save it by uniting the free peoples of Middle Earth and helping them come together against Sauron. Gandalf was of the belief that he was a flawed leader and that only by being an arbiter between races and helping to achieve peace would Sauron be defeated. A little nobler than lying to Harry for years and letting him die I think. And what would a wizard be without his wizardly trappings? His beard, his robes, his terrible smoking habits. Gandalf is clearly king in this regard, with a beard so fine that it almost hangs down to his waist. That is years of dedication right there, further proof that Gandalf is a tireless wizard. And those robes, my lord those robes. Not only do they come in a stylish, classic wizard grey, they’re hardy. They’ve literally been through wars and yet all that time they remain intact and very wizardly. Not to forget however Gandalf’s staff and sword. His staff is a source of many a magic spell and a trusty assistant on many a walk too. We cannot however forget Glamdring, Gandalf’s sword. I mean no disrespect to the Elder Wand, but with such a sordid past, how can Glamdring not be the better choice? Having been wielded not only in the defence of Gondolin against the armies of Morgoth, but also 6000 years later in the defence of Minas Tirith and in the assault on the Black Gate; Glamdring is a noble weapon for a noble wizard. Battles between wizards are a concept as old as time, perhaps none in pop culture as contested as Gandalf and Dumbledore. But I think the case is clear, Dumbledore may have his strengths, he may be a great wizard; but Gandalf is top dog.


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REVIEWS

Do your strong opinions drive away your friends? Send us an email at mcattin@aut.ac.nz to contribute to our reviews section.

The Dark Tower Series Novel Stephen King

condition in an intelligent way. He doesn’t write stories that raise poignant questions about the society we live in. What he does do is write great stories. Every book in the series is a joy. From the grimy, twisted sci-fi of The Wastelands to the Western themed romance of Wizard and Glass, the series has a little bit of everything. The story starts off with what can only be described as a whimper, which is the series’ only real weakness. But King quickly finds his feet with The Drawing of the Three and the story launches from there. I’m no expert when it comes to classic narrative structure, but I figure than any author who can get me to stay up till 2AM reading about a journey through a forest is doing something right. The series has no real dead patches, with each book functioning the same way as an episode of a television series. It has its own, unique story, but also contributes to the overall arc. What King does is he manages to take a story that is (quite honestly) monumentally long and maintain interest. If you lose interest in the Dark Tower itself, there’s another sub-plot quite happy to take your interest.

Reviewed by Kieran Bennett The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed. Thus, for me anyway, did my journey to the Dark Tower begin. The Dark Tower, considered by many to be Stephen Kings magnum opus (or at least his longest work), is a fantasy series without peer. Over 3000 pages and seven books chronicle ‘The Gunslinger’s’ journey across the post-apocalyptic MidWorld and his mad quest for the Dark Tower. His quest is nothing short of a rollercoaster of violence, folk songs, tragic tales and more violence. Stephen King has been labelled by some critics as a poor writer. And that might be a valid criticism. He doesn’t write stories that reflect the human

TEDx Auckland Conference Aotea Centre

Reviewed by Miss Charlotte Cake This Saturday I had a great opportunity to attend the TEDx Auckland event again. I work for AuSM – the students association at AUT - and as AUT is a large sponsor of the event, I managed to get a free ticket. For those who may not know about TED or have never seen a TED talk, it is a global movement of talks about ‘ideas worth spreading’. You can familiarise yourself by watching a number of inspirational talks online at www.ted.com or YouTube. TEDx Auckland is an independently run annual event here at the Aotea Centre. I had the pleasure of finally going last year and will continue to go as long as I can. This year’s event had the theme of ‘ascending’ – always moving forward, and continuously rising. We were presented with 19 speakers from all over Auckland who had different, inspirational and interesting stories to share with

As wonderful as the story is, it takes a quite comfortable back-seat to the characters. Each character, in every book, no matter how minor, is fleshed out to some degree. Many writers introduce characters, assign them an archetype and let them go. King seems to prefer the personal touch. He quite happily switches the narrative from perspective to perspective, sometimes even mid paragraph. This gives every character a voice. With a tale that spans not only time but also space, character dialect and slang is also accounted for with King slipping in and out of mannerisms flawlessly. The Dark Tower is, like the Dark Tower itself, an imposing and daunting read. But what lies inside is one of the most fleshed out and vivid worlds I have ever read of, inhabited by some of the most loveable, wonderful and horrible characters. It’s certainly not for everyone, with a few moments in the book rather sharply reminding you that while this is epic fantasy, King earns his bread and butter with horror. But if you can stomach that, be prepared to start a most wonderful journey.

an audience of over 2,000. After spending the day listening to these wonderful, brave people from all different walks of life, re-occurring themes kept popping up with what they were talking about. I have always loved taking notes, and taking a notebook to this event is the best piece of advice I can give you. So, to briefly recap and pass on the knowledge, I wanted to write down all the helpful, inspiring, beautiful themes from Saturday’s talks and pass them on to you. To begin, 1. The re-occurring theme I found most important was to stop ‘thinking’ about what you want to do and actually do it. Don’t procrastinate, or keep telling yourself that one day you will fulfil that particular dream or idea. Ideas mean nothing; there is no risk with ideas… Just start actually doing it because life is far too short to sit around thinking. Dream big, and conquer yourself. 2. As Urzila Carlson put it perfectly – “‘there is no greater waste of time than regret’. There is nothing you can do about what has already happened, you can’t change it. Don’t have regrets, because they shape the person - in one way or another - that you are today. Grab every single opportunity you can. I am SO opportunistic and I want to stress how important it is to just put yourself out there and take risks! 3. Try and be as sustainable as you can… You may not think you are making a difference on your own, but you are! Even by doing a little bit around your home like putting the right things in recycle and rubbish bins, composting the right food waste, and planting gardens. There is such a triumphant and pleasing feeling to be able to pick and eat your own fruit or vegetables and it really doesn’t cost a lot of your money or time. I thought all of these themes were really important and with all 19 speakers these ideas just kept coming up throughout the talks. You can watch the same talks that I did in two to three weeks when they are up online, and if you can make it to one of these events than please do it, you won’t be disappointed.


Hey Rosetta Into Your Lungs (and around in your heart, and on through your blood)

Not that there’s a bad album to choose from, but if you’re a Hey Rosetta virgin, I highly recommend taking Into Your Lungs (and around in your heart, and on through your blood) for a ride. It’ll be gentle and soothing, but won’t skimp on the thrills either, and best of all…it cares about you. One of the signature moves of this damn fine band is the art of layering. They start small, they have the typical structure of a four-piece rock band… But they blow your frickin’ mind when they whip out their indie flair by incorporating a violin, cello, and piano on top of it all. Not to mention the occasional claps, snaps, clicks, taps, and guest mandolin appearances that you hear throughout the entire album at random intervals. This album is a constant succession of sounds that you’re not expecting to hear, and notes you don’t expect to be made. But, let me tell you, when they present themselves they send you over the edge and into the heart of ecstasy. In my humble opinion, the opening song, New Goodbye is the perfect introductory summary of the album. Starting acoustically with a delicate guitar melody, and building gradually with unique percussive rhythms, and eventually throwing itself into the adventurous melody that reflects the lyrics flawlessly, it just screams ‘Put me in your car stereo and never let me out!’ With the deliciously soothing sounds of Open Arms, the unexpected bang in the middle of Handshake the Gangster, and Baker’s ridiculous, clutch-yourhands-to-your-face-because-you-can-not-handle-his-talent note in Tired Eyes, this is one album that you’ll wind up loving til the both of you are old and saggy.

Reviewed by Laurien Barks So, Hey Rosetta, is definitely one of my most recent musical discoveries, and I’ve got to say, it didn’t take me long to realize that they’re never not bringing their A-game. It takes a damn fine band to nail it every single time. To keep you on your toes, not even just from song to song, but within the songs themselves. I can hardly handle it. If you’re unfamiliar with the rustic heartthrobs, I think it’s about time you introduce yourself to the native Newfoundlanders of Canada, and let Tim Baker and his boys into your life. I promise you won’t regret it.

Under The Dome Novel Stephen King

I award this babe of an album a very well-earned 4 stars. One for mind blowing vocals, two for the how-do-your-minds-even-come-up-with-this creative spontaneity, and one for the fact that I have a huge love of any music that has the ability to be the soundtrack for anything from a road-trip to a solo-close-the-door dance, to a cruisy day at the beach. It’s everything you need and want, and you’d be a damn fool not to snatch it up while you have the chance. .

Dome is set in the tiny Maine town of Chester’s Mill, where the events of a late October morning sees the thousand or so residents trapped within a dome-like barrier. As fear and confusion quickly spreads throughout the town, US Army veteran Dale ‘Barbie’ Barbara is appointed the man on the inside and tasked with learning the cause behind the dome. The only problem is that power-hungry local businessman and Barbie’s sworn enemy, ‘Big Jim’ Rennie, is using the crisis as an opportunity to gain control of the town, and will stop at nothing to ensure he reigns supreme. Very early in the book, I found myself wondering how on earth a book like this was adapted to a TV show and not have been done by HBO, Showtime or some other gritty, drama heavy cable network – and this was before the brutal murders, suicides, rape scenes and haunting premonitions emerged. Dome is gruesome and at times uncomfortable to read, but it also sucks you in and keeps you wondering what will come next. The way the town so quickly deteriorates into animalistic behaviour and anarchy holds some profound messages on humanity that made Dome the sort of haunting book I’d expect from Stephen King.

Reviewed by Ethan Sills Though I have been an avid book reader my whole life, it is only recently that I have begun to explore the maddening world of Stephen King. I have only read a few of the over 50 books that King has written, and whilst I stuck to his newer stuff rather than his pop culture classics such as The Shining and Carrie, I have not been disappointed. With the TV series adaptation currently on Prime, I thought I would turn the attention towards the source material and highlight just why Under the Dome is one of the best novels I have read recently.

There is a massive cast of characters, with dozens of people given attention and perspective scenes throughout the 800 page story. And while the main characters of Barbie, Rennie and their closest allies are the ones we focus on, there is a whole array of different people and personalities on showcase, each with their own element to add to the nightmare. I have not yet dared watch the show; mostly as everything I have heard about it has been negative and that there is very little connection to the source material. That may sound book-snobby, but I don’t want anything to put a dampener on such a brilliant, tense and thought provoking novel. An immersive and terrifying read, Under the Dome is simply excellent and has made me want to dive further into King’s works.

33


By Miss Charlotte Cake

Zandy J Photography

These days when I go out it’s usually for a music gig or a friend’s house gathering so I thought it would be a good idea to come up with some other nice ways to socialise. We are often so busy and the idea of socialising is scrolling through my news feed to see what people are up to. I decided to give some tips on a few great vintage style gatherings as I studied event management and have helped organise some amazing events throughout university and at work. The event organiser inside me decided to write up some ideas for you to try out.

Vintage Tea Party Get out all those mismatched tea cups and beautiful china you have carefully sitting on closed shelves. Yes, they are beautiful and delicate but they are supposed to be on display and used! Your guests will feel incredibly special and privileged being able to enjoy such finery. Have you ever tried sipping a cup of English Breakfast from a beautiful vintage tea cup? I swear it tastes better than in your regular morning mug. Throw some bunting around; it’s cheap to buy or you could try making some and it adds a cute touch to any room. Set out the table with a table cloth, doilies, cups, plates, pots, milk and sugar containers, sweet and savoury treats and watch your guests swoon. Make sure you ask everyone attending to dress up in suitable attire of course... This is a special event! To go all out you could even send out invitations in the post. Who doesn't love receiving a hand written letter straight to their mailbox?

Thrift Shop Party Organise a bunch of friends to dress up nice and go thrift shopping. You can start in one area and make a thrift shop map and cover all the places you wish in one area, then grab some lunch and a tea to refresh yourselves and head off in another direction together.

Plus, you'll have plenty of friendly advice and opinions on outfits and if something doesn't fit you, it might fit someone else in your party. Bargains, friends and food all in one day? Dream.

Beauty Parlour Party Organise somewhere with plenty of space for you and your fellow beauties to set up. Bring lots of mirrors, make up, accessories, and tools to create different looks and practice on each other. Add some old school rock n' roll to the mix and you'll have an absolute ball! Once you're finished make sure you go out afterwards and show off your hard work! This would be a great idea to do on a weekend day when there is something amazing to attend that night.

Vintage Picnic An amazing event for summer! Dust off those picnic blankets, grab your parasols and make some cucumber and egg sandwiches. My absolute favourite place for a picnic in Auckland is Cornwall Park under what used to be 'One Tree Hill'. There are also animals wandering around and an ice cream shop depending on which side you sit on. My mum gave me an amazing vintage picnic basket with matching crockery which is fantastic for bringing out for summer picnics in the late afternoon sun. Get everyone to bring a blanket and something to nibble on so there's plenty of comfy seating and food to go around. I like to make some iced tea in a big clear jug with lots of ice and fresh fruit pieces – it’s refreshing and pretty to look at. Again, grab some cheap bunting or make some and string it up in a nearby tree around your picnic... Too cute So there you go! And remember all of these events above will also be perfect for doing little at-home photo shoots, so remember to take lots of cute pin up and vintage style photos together. You can then add an album on Facebook and contribute everyone’s photos for the day :)


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