Debate issue 19

debate ISSUE 19 | SEPTEMBER 2014

debate ISSUE 19 | SEPTEMBER 2014 facebook.com/ausmdebate

COVER ART Illustration by Ramina Rai EDITOR Matthew Cattin matthew.cattin@aut.ac.nz SUB EDITORS Laurien Barks | Kieran Bennett DESIGN/ART Ramina Rai ramina.rai@aut.ac.nz CONTRIBUTORS Cassie Arauzo | Emma Wingrove | Ethan Sills | Jason Walls| Jess Varney |Kieran Bennett | Laurien Barks| Miss Charlotte Cake ILLUSTRATION & PHOTOGRAPHY Kieran Bennett | Laurien Barks | Ramina Rai ADVERTISING CONTACT Kate Lin kate.lin@aut.ac.nz PRINTER PMP Print Ltd. PUBLISHER AuSM all rights reserved This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”). Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly. Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM.

DISCLAIMER Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, PMP Print or its subsidiaries.

debate is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA)

DIRECTORY RECEPTION City Campus Level 2, WC Building 921 9805 Mon-Thurs: 9am-5pm Fri: 9am-4pm

North Shore Campus Level 2, AS Building 921 9949 Mon-Fri: 11am-1pm South Campus MB107 921 9999 ext 6672 Mon-Thurs: 9am-3.30pm

GOVERNANCE & LEADERSHIP April Pokino AuSM Student President 921 9999 ext 8571 april.pokino@aut.ac.nz MANAGEMENT Tuhi Leef Executive Director 921 9999 ext 5111 tuhi.leef@aut.ac.nz

ADVOCACY Siobhan Daly AuSM Advocate 921 9999 ext 8311 siobhan.daly@aut.ac.nz

EVENTS Carl Ewen Student Life Manager 921 9999 ext 8931 carl.ewen@aut.ac.nz

VESBAR Zane Chase Vesbar Manager 921 9999 ext 8378 zane.chase@aut.ac.nz

MARKETING Kate Lin Marketing & Communications Co-ordinator 921 9999 ext 8909 kate.lin@aut.ac.nz

MEDIA Matthew Cattin Publications Co-ordinator 921 9999 ext 8774 matthew.cattin@aut.ac.nz

VOLUNTEERS & CLUBS Vinay Gobindlal Volunteers & Clubs Co-ordinator 921 9999 ext 8911 volunteers@aut.ac.nz vinay.gobindlal@aut.ac.nz

3

MÀORI LIAISON SERVICES

international student support We can help international students with: • Support – one on one, liaison and critical incident management

• • • • •

Friendly professional advice, and one-on-one support for Máori students Course and enrolment advice Advice on student loans and allowances Information, administration and document certification for grants and scholarships We can speak with academic departments and other staff on your behalf

City WB204-206 North AS211 South MA ground level Web:

ph 921 9903 ph 921 9798 ph 921 9303

www.aut.ac.nz/student_services/máori

• Specialist advice – orientation, accommodation, Visas on Campus, living, travelling and safety in New Zealand • Social events and workshops for professional and personal development WB104 (09) 921 9811 City North Shore AS207 (09) 921 9643 MA106 (09) 921 9186 South Email international.support@aut.ac.nz

EDITORIAL Hello all, This week, I indulged in a wee bit of reminiscing back to the glory years of college. No, not the later years of education when I had it all figured out (or at least thought I did), but those awkward as Eeyore years in third and fourth form. That vulnerable, formative period between childhood and adulthood when you spend so much time finding new hairs popping up in odd places you forget to even think about finding your feet.

Now, this may come as a surprise to y’all, but I wasn’t in any way, shape or form what anybody would classify as ‘cool’ when I started college.

Of course, at the time, I thought I was the coolest thing since Vanilla Ice... And even in the harsh light of hindsight, I look back with a mixture of equal parts affection and face palm – the same way one would say awwww upon seeing the runt kitten of the litter. Ain’t no bones about it; I was hella uncool, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

I don’t want to give away all of my embarrassing secrets away at once, but I dedicate this editorial to the triangle – this is an ode to awkward.

I reckon the best phrase to describe earlycollege Matthew is easily amused. A few other words that could work are; childish, innocent, eager and immature. At the time however, I believed I had simply reached the highest level of maturity, of enlightenment; I wasn’t immature at all - I was just so mature, I knew that to have any fun, I had to act immaturely. Which I did, to the best of my abilities.

For me, acting immaturely didn’t mean drinking, vandalism, drugs and fights… It meant secret talks, code words, night walks, Sing Star and playing commandos. In year nine I formed a tight bond with two other fellas, a bond referred to by us (and only us, as it was a secret bond) as ‘the triangle’. Drawn together by our love of Michael Jackson and unrequited love, the three of us became the best of friends. We even had a tragic three person, six-handed, secret handshake to make it official.

None of us had cell phones at the time (being late techno-bloomers) so our communication was limited to - and made all the better by MSN Messenger and phone calls which lasted hours at a time. On weekends we would walk or bike to each other’s houses – no mean feat considered it was a five or 10 kilometre journey for me, depending on the house in question.

When the day was done, and it was time to go home, we could take comfort in the fact we would be walked half way home by the host – a tradition that saw us walking half marathons some days. At the half way fare well point, we’d often spend a further quarter hour yarning and swapping iPod minis to choose songs for each other to play on the way home, usually Michael Jackson, KISS, The Clash or The Rolling Stones.

Either that or we’d close our eyes and jump over cracks in the pavement, pretending we were jumping out of a plane to go skydiving.

Looking back, I’m amazed we never ran out of things to say, but at the time, we were excited by everything; making plans for lip sync, discussing Michael Jackson and dreaming up schemes to finally talk to the girls we had crushes on (using a string of code words, obviously). We would walk for hours and hours, day or night, pausing only to skim stones, dance under streetlights or wrestle.

When we weren’t roaming the Whangaparaoa streets stealing fruit, having river leaf races and

yarning, we’d spend many competitive hours playing Sing Star and cracking up when our pubescent voice breaks caused the onscreen singing bar to shoot up and down.

Collectively, we had less than zero experience with the ladies, but our optimism was through the roof. We each had a secret love (which we referred to as our hic-him) and we would spend hours discussing the ways we would grab their attention. Unfortunately, we never had the confidence or skills required to pull off these foolproof plans of initiating conversation, despite the majority of them being as simple as asking to borrow a pencil sharpener. We were less than hopeless, but even though our efforts always failed, we always had each other to practice the sly ‘put your arm around her’ moves like we saw in the movies on each other.

As I grow older, it becomes harder to feel the same sense of excitement and adventure I used to feel when enjoying the most simple of life’s pleasures; walking, talking and making schemes.

It still exists, however I find I need to work a little harder to rediscover it. I searched for it at parties, at drinks, at grown up gatherings and gigs, but it was nowhere to be found. It isn’t hiding, and it hasn’t disappeared. It’s exactly where I left it when I decided to shed my awkward skin and become an adult. Now I have realised this, it’s a joy to know I can return to that feeling any time I like.

Growing up is just a number.

Stay young kids, Matthew.

5

RECIPES

Raw, vegan and Gluten Free Carrot Cake

Caprese Salad Skewers

This is for all you vegan and health conscious peeps out there! No one gets away with not eating cake, so this one’s for YOU GUYS.

by Jess Varney

What you will need:

What you will need: • •

1 punnet of cherry tomatoes, each pierced with a fork 150g of mozzarella, drained and cut up into cherry tomato sized pieces 1 handful of basil ½ cup of olive oil The juice of half a lemon A pinch of sea salt 1 clove of garlic

• • • • •

Directions: 1.

Marinate the cherry tomatoes and mozzarella in a large bowl with the olive oil, lemon, salt and crushed garlic. Leave to soak for roughly half an hour.

2.

Drain the cherry tomatoes and mozzarella and thread onto the skewers with the basil leaves in a repeated fashion to add a professional touch.

3.

Present standing up in a jar or vase or alternatively lie flat on a plate.

Enjoy!

HANDY FOOD TIPS with love from Kieran Bennett •

When cooking beef or chicken, it's important to let it rest for a few minutes before cutting into it so the juices don’t all run away and make the meat dry.

•

Always thaw meat in the fridge, not on the counter and for the best results begin the thaw the night before.

•

Frying an onion up with beef will do wonders to improve the flavour.

•

A good rule of thumb as to why your cooking didn’t go to well: You didn’t wait for the pan to heat up enough before starting. A little splash of water (little) should sizzle when sprinkled in.

•

If you’re cooking a tomato based dish, like a pasta sauce, and it seems a little empty, grate some cheese or some carrot into it to bulk it up.

• 150 grams walnuts 150 grams dates (pit removed) • 75 grams dried apricots • 200 grams hazelnuts (save 10 grams for the garnish) • 375 grams finely grated carrots • 100 grams pumpkin seeds (save 10 grams for the garnish) • 80 grams quinoa • 200 grams cashew nuts

•

(soaked in water overnight) 2 tbsp coconut sugar (or more depending on how sweet you want the frosting) • 1 tsp powdered ginger • 1 tsp cinnamon • 1 tsp nutmeg • 1 vanilla bean (scrape out the paste) • 1/2 cup coconut oil (melted) •

Method 1.

2.

Prepare a round cake tin with baking paper Blend the walnuts, dates, apricots, hazelnuts, and spices with a food processor until you have a fine crumbled mixture. Add 1/4 cup of water to increase the stickiness of the dough 3. Grate your carrots on the super fine side of your grater so it looks like little carrot hairs, and gently mix into the dough with a wooden spoon, along with the pumpkin seeds 4. Keep adding small amounts of water until you have a nice, moist mixture that sticks together 5. Tip out onto a wooden board and start kneading the quinoa into the mixture 6. Once everything is nicely mixed together, press the dough evenly into the cake tin and smooth out the edges and top 7. Drain your softened cashew nuts and add to your clean food processor, pulse them along with the melted coconut oil, vanilla bean paste and coconut sugar 8. Add a little water to this mixture and keep blending until a smooth paste has formed 9. Smooth this frosting over the cake mixture and add your finely chopped hazelnuts and pumpkin seeds 10. Set the cake for at least 3 hours in the fridge before serving.

Facebook: @MissCharlotteCake Twitter: @Misscharcake Instagram: @Misscharlottecake

7

SUZY'S WORLD interview by Matthew Cattin

If Judy Bailey is the mother of the nation, then Suzy Cato must surely be the cool Aunty. You know; the one that buys you ice creams on the down low, takes you to the playground after school, and teaches you fun facts about all the critters in the garden.

Having grown up with Suzy on the telly, I think many people my age would agree that she was never just a face on the TV - she was a teacher, a caregiver, a play pal, and most importantly, a friend. Getting the chance to ask her a few questions has been one of the highlights of my time here at debate, so with no further ramblings from me, It’s time to say, hello, g’day, kei te pēhea koe to the one and only Suzy Cato.

As somebody who has dedicated many years to entertaining children, do you sometimes feel like a big kid?

Definitely, and I think that comes in very handy when you’re working with or for kids. It’s not a bad attitude to have in general too, as kids tend to be less caught up in all that adults can focus on. They live in the “now”, forgive easily, love wholeheartedly and they can feel passionate about those very important things – until the next important thing comes along.

The only thing is, as an adult and a parent of two, I now have a foot firmly planted in both camps – after all, someone has to say “no” now and then, don’t they?

What were you like as a young’un?

I was a big softie as a kid, some would say a sook. Hated doing things wrong. Hated being told off. Had big, big dreams but was lacking in selfconfidence and was actually quite shy – probably more so as an “angst teen!” However, I was good at giving things a go and biting off more than I could chew so often found myself being pushed out of my shell and in the lime light, especially on the stage.

Did you have a rebellious phase? Maybe a Mohawk or tattoo?

No tattoos and no Mohawk but definitely a mullet! Mum was a hairdresser so I had my share of perms and highlights from about the age of 12. But as a teen I went through the mullet stage (not that I called it that then!), all spiked at the front, short at the sides and rats tails down the back. I paired that with prim and proper buttoned dresses with wee belts, from the op-shop and had my 6th form teachers a bit confused. One school report commented that I should consider my presentation in readiness for leaving school and joining the workforce. Oooh what a rebel!

You wore some awesomely quintessential 90s outfits back in the day. How do you feel about them now?

I love ‘em! What’s there to regret? The big [hair]dos, massive earrings and shoulder pads were the in thing at the time of EBS. Those large Kozmic sweats and bold coloured jeans on You & Me were perfect for presenting to that age group too, and a good reflection of the time. Also, it’s not about being a fashion icon for kids. It’s about being comfortable and being appropriate for the age group, programme and the activities you were doing at the time. Waddling around like a penguin or bouncing like a ball are best done in baggy clothing, let me assure you!

I’ve had a few people ask me to ask you; what are your secrets to looking so young?

Hahaha – I iron every morning! No, I guess I’m blessed with good genes.

I have a pretty good (if somewhat healthy) appetite, drink lots of water, believe in the saying “everything in moderation… including moderation” and exercise spasmodically. Whilst I meditate most days, make the most of a massage now and then, and have a pretty positive attitude (except for on those bad hair days) I’m not sure if I can say it comes down to any one thing – maybe luck. If I got more sleep, drank less wine and ate fewer sweets I might be even luckier.

Do you ever get requests to sing See Ya, See Ya Later at family gatherings or parties?

I have sung See Ya, See Ya Later and the opening song It’s Our Time thousands of times! Though my babes were never keen on the goodbye song, even on the programme, as it made them feel sad that I was going away. Beautiful wee people!

Have you ever had fan children recognise you in public and freak out?

Not so much freak out as become incredibly shy and a little overwhelmed, especially if they are quite young. When I’ve been pointed out to preschoolers by their caregivers, the little one is most often likely to look for me in a TV (as that’s what they’re accustomed to), so to find me towering over them (all 5’4” of me!) can be a little intimidating. Sometimes there have been tears but generally within a few minutes I’ve been able to chat away to them and usually leave with having shared a cuddle. Bliss.

Did you ever get into ratings battles with other children’s television stars? Like The Wiggles or Hi-5?

No, not a ratings battle that I was aware of. I’m sure the broadcaster was aware of the share but from my limited knowledge about the ratings at that time, we did pretty well.

If you had a superpower, what would it be, and why?

Just the one??? Okay, how about the ability to prevent and right all wrong!

Then that covers pretty much anything. When I first formed Treehut Ltd I created a Mission Statement; “To provide a nurturing, supportive and loving environment for every child, be they one or 100, in which they can live, learn and thrive.” That hasn’t really changed.

What are your favourite after school snacks?

We have a combination of these options every afternoon, either at home or as we dash to an afterschool activity; lots of fresh water, home baking, lots of fruit, cheese and crackers, dried fruit, nuts, popcorn, the occasional chocolate and wee pack of chippies, fairy bread, sushi, etc etc. I try to mix it up every day, use lots of seasonal fruit and try to ensure that the kids try everything – even if it’s only one bite, otherwise they’ll never know if they like something new or not.

What’s your favourite children’s book?

I loooooove books. I still have many of the books from my childhood but one of my favourites is the Ruth Ainsworth book, illustrated by Shirley Hughes. This is a treasury of Ruth’s fabulous stories. I lost my copy before my kids were born and have been on the hunt since, as it has lots of stories that really got my imagination going and I’d love to share them with my kids.

Do your kids watch your TV shows? Or do you perform live?

Yes, we do watch TV. They actually watch Suzy’s World on DVD and when they were little, You & Me. But, interestingly enough, they haven’t been engaged by much that’s currently on TV for kids. When I perform Iive they’ll often join me as they’ve been around the stage since they were wee dots and are both very comfortable behind the mic! They often assist on the kid’s radio show I make and are keen for me to create a telly programme they can be a part of – no pressure but can I please do it NOW! Have you ever found working with children to be particularly challenging?

No, not particularly, but the trick here is that it was only in the live shows that I worked with any great number of children at any one time. Those babes were usually with their parent or caregiver and it was only for a limited time (the duration of a show or visit to a class) so I got to spend time with them in that “honey moon period” of best behaviour. As a parent it’s often not the child that’s challenging, it’s how we’re dealing with everything going on in our life; our sleep deprivation, or relationships or job or our hangover while the child is expressing itself in a way we’d rather they didn’t. It helps to think back to when we were that age and were hungry/tired/frustrated and think about our behaviour. It doesn’t mean we allow or encourage but react to it appropriately (often more easier said than done!)

Since a lot of former broadcasters are doing it, would you ever consider bringing the Suzy Cato Party to parliament?

Hahaha – NO!

9

LOSING YOUR LUNCH

by Laurien Barks What word has four letters, starts with ‘D,’ and induces a deep-set angry fear when uttered within my ear shot? Don’t worry boys, feel free to resume your advances, I’m talking about ‘diet’. The disgusting little word that Satan, himself, spawned and let loose on the English language. Being a word with low morals and little respect for itself, it began to breed with any and every word that said they loved it. Protection was scarce, passion was high, and before humanity knew it, the offspring of Diet and its baby daddies (Atkins and Paleo included amongst the names) had taken over the entirety of mainstream culture – running rampant over well-groomed lawns and failing to show respect for their elders.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for keeping fit and healthy. There’s nothing wrong with losing or gaining weight to improve your health. However, I believe whole heartedly, that kind of goal is only achievable through a long term lifestyle choice.

Not a 7-day, 30-day, 90-day diet craze. Diets don’t work. Nutritionists will tell you, doctors will tell you, eating disorder counsellors will tell you, it’s not an opinion or a matter of will power and motivation, it’s a fact. If you want to permanently change your body, you need to permanently change your life. I hate these quick-fix solutions that never work, spur the development of eating disorders and yo-yo dieting, and ultimately manipulate the way we think until we start to value aesthetics over health. I can’t stand seeing or hearing about people who risk their health in order to ‘get skinny fast’ or ‘lose those stubborn five.’ Cutting carbs and counting calories is horrid enough without adding shocking, and occasionally disgusting, extremes to the mix. I’ve managed to round up my top five gag-inducing diets to make you squirm, crinkle your nose, and whimper ‘Nooooo,’ softly through your traumatised, trembling lips.

THE CHEW AND SPIT DIET:

THE TAPE WORM DIET:

Starting out as a quick, and somewhat easy way to lose weight, this particular diet picked up in popularity and was rightfully placed under the heading of ‘Eating Disorder’ not too long after it surfaced. The Chew and Spit Diet is exactly that.

Participants put food in their mouth, chew it, slosh it around as per normal, and then break the binary of eating by spitting that gooey mess straight back out again. By denying the food entrance to its usual, warm and welcoming home in the stomach, these dieters are opening themselves up to a number of potentially painful outcomes.

As soon as you put food in your mouth, your body begins to digest it. This means the saliva starts to break it down, and your stomach starts producing digestive acids. If you spit it out instead of sending it on down, the excess stomach acid will wreak havoc on your stomach lining, resulting in ulcers. Not to mention an increased chance of rotting teeth. Scientists have actually seen more evidence in favour of weight gain being the ultimate outcome of this diet. Similarly to bulimia, the metabolism slows down, the body goes into starvation mode, and the dieter is more likely to make up for the calories they denied themselves later on and in excess. It’s not only stupid…in most cases, it’s completely pointless!

I’ve actually been in a consistent state of traumatisation since seeing this diet on Tyra Banks’ talk show a few years back. Sixteen-yearsold, curled into a cocoon on the couch, an untarnished and unwavering faith in humanity, when BAM: people swallowing tape worm eggs pop onto my television screen. That’s right. The worm eggs that have the potential to put a sizable meat company out of business are being collected, sold on the black market, and voluntarily swallowed in order to try and lose a few pounds. The parasitic worms attach themselves to the lining of the digestive tracts and live off of their host’s food and nutrients. This means that the person is unable to absorb the entire quantity of what they digest and thus weight loss is the expected outcome. When a satisfactory amount of weight has been lost, the host can swallow a bit of toxic liquid to kill the thing and then pass it 12-15 hours later. Easy. These worms can grow to be several feet in length, and not only do they cause cramping, bloating, and a number of digestive problems, but they may also break into chunks, get into the blood stream, and travel right up to the brain where they re-attach, regenerate, and produce several cutie-pie worm babies all up in your body’s motherboard. Worth it to shed a few kilos?

'The worm eggs that have the potential to put a sizeable meat company out of business are being collected, sold on the black market, and voluntarily swallowed in order to try and lose a few pounds'

THE ‘MAN-JUICE’ DIET:

THE CIGARETTE DIET: Dating way back to the 1920s, it’s no mystery that this cancer-causing diet trend has been embraced by the crazier members of the weightloss community. Super models and other weightdependent professionals make up an especially large proportion of this diet’s population, and it’s no wonder, really. The appetite-suppressing qualities of nicotine make reaching for a cigarette just as satisfying as reaching for a snack -but with fewer calories. People on this particular diet are told that they can eat whatever they want, so long as they have tried having a smoke beforehand. If their appetite isn’t sufficiently curbed, they may indulge on something of the food variety. What gets me, is that not only does this diet have the potential to result in the regular deficiencies of the average diet (lack of vitamins, minerals, and general nutrients), but it throws in a risk of cancer, emphysema, heart disease, osteoporosis, cataracts…the list goes on! This really isn’t what I meant when I stated my ‘make a lifestyle change’ rule.

COTTON BALL DIET: This is one of those extremely weird diets that a fair number of people have actually gotten on board with. Usually when you’re in the midst of ‘weird diet’ research, you stumble across a collection of diets that only a few crazies have tried. However, I was taken aback when my investigative ‘Cotton Ball Diet’ search on the Google instantly resulted in a number of forums, how-to’s, and newspaper articles. This is popular!? People have been dipping cotton balls in juice and swallowing them (several in one sitting) because the zero-calorie balls of fluff fill their stomach and eliminate hunger pangs. This opens doors for digestive system blockages which results in dehydration, death of the gastrointestinal tract, and damage to other internal organs. Choking is another huge risk, along with potential poisoning from a prolonged intake of the toxins that lie in the synthetic ingredients of the fluff. But hey! At least you won’t feel hungry.

I feel like the title of this diet is the only deterrent anyone will need, so I’m actually going to talk about the strangely beneficial aspects of this diet.

I’m sincerely hoping the fact that it involves mixing teaspoons of semen into your morning smoothie is all I need to say to discourage anyone from actually trying this at home. Made famous by a porn star, this special juice diet requires participants to ingest anywhere from three to six teaspoons of semen per day as their main source of protein. That’s a good three to six ejaculations depending on the guy. Not only do the little swimmers give you some solid protein, but they’re also high in several vitamins and minerals including vitamin C and Zinc. Scientists have actually discovered (over several studies) that people who ingest semen on a regular basis have higher levels of cortisol and oxytocin which are known to increase affection as well as elevate mood… basically a low grade antidepressant. That being said, sex does the same thing, so maybe just skip the semen smoothie and get your happy feels the more conventional way.

11

IS PIRACY JUSTIFIABLE? MATTHEW CATTIN

YES

Faced with the task of defending piracy is pretty daunting... I’m well aware the biggest beneficiaries of the act of piracy are the pirates themselves. So how does one justify an illegal act? An act not just similar to theft, but synonymous to it. I don’t believe it is possible.

But, in the grand scheme of criminal activities, I’d say it is pretty small fry, akin perhaps to jaywalking or streaking. It’s a crime so popular, so widespread, so mainstream, that nobody takes it seriously. And with good reason – it has its benefits. And here they are.

1. Piracy brings families together.

“What’s on television tonight, son?”

“Sweet feck all Dad. X-Factor, The Amazing Race and Jono and Ben at Ten.” “Oh sweet mother Mary… Nevermind, I downloaded three seasons of David Attenborough documentaries. Let’s watch them together and marvel at the miracle of life. Quick, go and get your mother.”

“Thanks Dad. I love you. Forever and always. Piracy is the best! I wish all dads were like you.”

2.

It makes people happy.

If there is one thing people enjoy more than paying for SoHo, it’s streaming Game of Thrones for free. I assume there are studies to back me up here, but getting things for free seems to make people smile. ‘Nuff said.

3.

Piracy forces bands to tour more frequently.

It’s widely known that bands don’t make a lot of money selling records. Even before the days of Napster and Pirate Bay, the majority of profits sidestep the artists and go straight to the record label. These days, with piracy up and album sales down, the bands see even less of their hard-earned coin. The solution? Embark on more world tours! Thanks for the gigs piracy!

4.

Piracy also forces bands to think outside the box.

With piracy so well established and unchecked, bands are forced to market their albums smarter and more inventively than ever before – and this benefits us, the consumers. Yes, I am a guilty pirate, but I also am an avid album collector. The threat of piracy has influenced bands to get creative with their marketing, often throwing in sweet extras to reward those who still purchase albums. Things like bonus content, merchandise, signed discs and ‘pay what you like’ incentives. It has also, I believe, contributed to the resurgence of vinyl records as more and more collectors are attempting to spit in the face of pirates. Thanks piracy!

5.

Piracy gives deserving artists bigger audiences.

Whether it’s a brilliant TV show, up-and-coming band, or indie film, piracy gives artists unprecedented exposure to the vast audience of internet users. In fact, many indie bands, such as STRFKR, owe a lot of their success to piracy. “If people weren’t downloading our records illegally, I doubt we would have as many people coming to the shows,” says band member Keil Corcoran in an interview with Daily Trojan. “We don’t get a lot of blog love or radio love just because of our name.”

6.

Because Dave Fucking Grohl says so.

"I think it’s a good idea because it’s people trading music. It has nothing to do with industry or finance, it’s just people that want music and there’s nothing wrong with that.

It’s the same as someone turning on the fucking radio.”

7.

People can afford to give back in other ways.

Like I touched on earlier, piracy saves folks money – money that can be used to give back to the artists in different ways. For example, I illegally obtained Breaking Bad and enjoyed it so much, I bought a season for my uncle as a gift, and he went on to purchase the whole series. With films, I go to the cinema as often as I can, and with albums, I download here and there, and if the album is excellent, I will purchase a copy, or head along to see them in concert. I may be a pirate, but I see myself more as a Robin Hood figure, stealing from the industry from time to time, and giving back to those who deserve it. If an artist wants my money, they best make a product worth my hard-earned coin, otherwise I will drag it into my Recycle Bin and the talentless bastards who made it get nothing but my middle finger.

So as you can see, the world needs more pirates. Because anything that brings families together can’t be a bad thing. Oh, and because Dave Fucking Grohl said so.

Pillage away mateys.

KIERAN BENNETT Piracy. Ripping. Burning. Donning the eye-patch. Sailing the internet ocean in search of booty. Illegally downloading media is something that at least one person you know does. They cut out the middle man (so to speak) and get their movies, games, music, whatever it may be, almost the day it comes out; and all for free. I have to claim here that I don’t pirate. I have watched two pirated episodes of a TV show and listened to a grand total of five pirated albums, all of which I now own. I have never watched a pirated movie and I have never pirated a game or a book.

Am I claiming a small amount of moral superiority here? Damn fuckin straight I am. Piracy is stealing, and is never justified.

NO

There a few arguments put forward by those who prefer to obtain their media via less official means, none more fervent than the claim that movies, games and the like are all too expensive. They attempt to claim that nothing is a more reasonable price. That $17 is too much to go to the cinema or that $20 is too much to buy a DVD. And you know what? It is.

Considering the advancements that the internet, streaming services and ‘smart’ devices have made, accessing media for a reasonable price whenever you want should be standard. I’m not trying to say that the current media consumption environment is consumer friendly, it’s not, and there needs to be a real change. But in the meantime, get over it.

It may well be true that you can’t afford to pay for satellite TV and an entire extra channel just to watch Game of Thrones, but why can’t you wait for the DVD like everyone else? Before the internet became so widespread, if you missed something, you waited. If you couldn’t afford to watch something at the time, you waited. Or, you borrowed a copy from your friend. You didn’t steal it. Yes the cost of media is high, but why shouldn’t we wait? I haven’t watched the latest season of Game of Thrones and despite several recommendations, I still haven’t watched House of Cards. Why? Because I missed them when they were on TV and I can’t afford the DVDs right now. However those DVDs will likely be expensive when they come out, so I’ll continue to wait. Why can’t we just accept that sometimes we can’t afford these things and then just wait until we can?

The same applies to those who try to argue that media takes too long to arrive, or is too difficult to obtain (or in some cases pretty much impossible). It seems as though some people think they have an almost God-given right to access media whenever they like. They don’t. In the same vein as what I said before, what did people do before the internet? They waited, or just went without. Some movies, some TV shows and even some music doesn’t come to New Zealand, but a fairly large amount does. Why can’t people be happy with what’s available at the moment and be content to wait? Or if something has no plans to come to your country, why not spend a little time and effort trying to get it legally? With ways to cheat shipping costs, geographical restrictions on websites and data coming down in cost every month, it’s not that difficult to get a hold of what you want if you’re willing to go that little bit extra.

And now we get to the crux. Why should we go ‘that little bit extra’? Why should we have to search and scour and scrounge up dollars in order to watch, read or play? Because it’s the right thing to do. People, hundreds of hard working people, put hours and hours into producing these things, and they rightly expect something in return. Sure, they get paid while they’re doing it (especially if it's part of a big studio), but it would still smart to find out that some people didn’t care enough to actually buy what you’ve made. If I devoted nearly a year of my life (maybe more) on a large project, only to have someone take it from me without so much as a thanks, post it online for everyone else and then complain that I didn’t make it cheap enough; I’m going to be annoyed. I’m going to be pissed. Of course, if the people who worked on the project have already been paid, what does it matter?

Well aside from the fact that media becomes slightly more mainstream as studios are less-willing to take risks, it’s just plain shitty. If you like a show, and I mean really like it, you should be willing to pay for it.

I could write for even longer on this - piracy really annoys me. But what annoys me even more is when people try to justify it. There’s no real reason to do it, so it’s never justified.

BOARD GAMERS NEEDED! Hi Debate Readers, Research is currently being undertaken to analyse player engagment while playing board games.

We are looking for board game enthusiasts to help us out!* Join us for one of our playtest sessions, then stick around to take part in a focus group. To sweeten the deal, I’ll make sure refreshments are provided.

Sessions will begin in September and will involve playtesting and dicussing a number of prototype games and game mechanics.

To register interest, or for more information, please e-mail: ezra.whittakerpowley@gmail.com Spots are limited so get in quick.

Thanks for helping out a fellow student! *Participants must be over 16.

13

UPDATES Ideal Gift for Dad! Having trouble thinking of what to get your dad for Father’s Day? AuSM sells Entertainment books at $65. It has more than 100 wonderful offers at local restaurants, hotels and activities.

Get it now at AuSM office for your super dad!

Here to help The AuSM Advocacy service can help you with any troubles that you encounter during your time at AUT. Visit our Advocacy page on www.ausm.org.nz AuSM Lodge Get ready to have fun with your loved ones!

AuSM Lodge at National Park will be the perfect place to go! There are still some sweet dates available during mid-semester break.

Book now at www.ausm.org.nz before all the good dates are gone!

Top-up your phone with AuSM and get discount!

AuSM offices sell Vodafone, Telecom and 2degrees top-ups! Buy a $20 top-up from us for just $19.50. Still a bargain!

Hey guys,

PREZ SEZ

It’s me again! Last week we had a number of successful events that AuSM offered.

Cupcake day on Monday was a huge success and AuSM raised over $600 dollars which was donated towards SPCA which contributed towards animal wellbeing and finding homes.

The Political Forum last Thursday was a success too and it was great having the politicians on campus to provide a perspective for our students. I would like to personally thank all the political representatives that could make this forum happen and encourage YOU to enrol to vote.

It is not too late to have your say and PLEASE vote this election.

Daffodil Day was also a huge success with the funds that were raised going towards the cancer foundation in support of cancer patients.

My top five tips for this week are: Student food places 5.) The Hub @ AUT – Got some good deals at the hub - they provide some good quality food for $6.50.

4.) Subway – On St Pauls Street across from the wharekai is a healthy option for those watching their figure line and wanting a cheaper option. Very affordable and you can get deals as cheap as $5.

3.) Jewel of Bombay – In the quad, if you like butter chicken chips as much as I do head along and you can get them for $3.50 OR in a box for $4.00. Pop along for a spicy treat!

2.) Kubick – They are located on symonds street and you can $5 donburis! They are delicious and affordable. A MUST HAVE FOR LUNCH!!!!!

1.) Mercury Lane Plaza – Best Food court EVER!!! Go check it out it’s just off K-Road and fills you up while keeping within the budget.

Those are my top 5 student food places to eat - hopefully I have helped you find something to eat for today.

That’s me for this week! Got any problems you want to share, email me at april. pokino@aut.ac.nz Stay AuSM!

Last week in Politics: POLITICAL ADVERTS

by Jason Walls It would seem that the National Party has gone to new length to attract the youth vote. Their latest TV advert features the world renowned Lose Yourself sound track by Eminem!

“John’s palms were sweaty, opposition’s weak, camera’s ready.

Gerry Brownlee has had dinner already, his Mum’s spaghetti.

Key’s nervous; coz in 20 days there’ll be confetti…”

Yeah, not bad. Succinct, informative and well juxtaposed with the image of the calm lake and the ‘team work.’ But no political TV ad is complete without a dig at the enemy.

The smooth voice over actor asks the Nation if we want to “stay on course to prosperity… or risk it all on who knows what direction,” then we are shown a boat full of rowers in Green, Red and Purple jackets rowing in all opposite directions; splashing around going nowhere (representing New Zealand’s political left parties.)

As far as subtle political digs go, I thought this was well played. Not a personal attack on the party, not a verbal assault on David Cunliffe; but a four second clip which embodies the mish-mash of a Labour/ Greens/Mana/Internet government which will be so divided and focused on different things, they get nowhere.

Slim Shady would be proud, John.

You get the point… the joke here is National’s first TV ad’s sound track bears a remarkable resemblance to Slim Shady’s 8 Mile chart topper.

Labour’s ad reminded me more of a child’s Christmas list, or an American High-school cheerleading team chant, than a political ad.

I would just like to point out that EMINEM IS IN NO WAY AFFILIATED WITH THE NATIONAL PARTY.

“Who wants more affordable homes across New Zealand?”

Okay, now to the politics.

“WE DO!”

This was National’s first TV ad of the campaign; a team of in sync rowers, gliding along a still river while the names of other countries we, as a nation, are surpassing in economic growth, fade away into the distance. Not to mention a smooth, Simon Dallow-sounding narrator softly, but surely, informing us through our hard work, and the National Party’s economic management, New Zealand is heading in the right direction.

“Who wants better jobs and higher wages for Kiwi’s?

“WE DO!” “Who wants parents to have more time to be parents?”

“WE DO!” You get the picture.

by Emma Wingrove

INTRODUCING TO YOU...

With a current population exceeding 7 billion, it is reported that (if we continue living the same way we are now) by the year 2025, we will, in fact, need another Earth because the current one is merely not enough. Isn’t it scary to think our very own beloved habitat will no longer be sufficient and all our natural resources could possibly be depleted within our lifetime? I’m not talking about when we’re old and wrinkly, I’m talking about 11 years from now when we have all graduated, paid off our student loans, settled into a steady job and managed to buy a house. Finally able to start travelling the world not with a backpacker’s budget but in real style, BUT WAIT, THERE IS NO WORLD ANYMORE, WE RUINED IT! Seriously though, we cannot ignore the question that is on everyone’s lips. So what can we do?

We could either search far and wide in the solar system to find an inhabitable planet, or we could all take steps in our daily lives to help the planet’s current situation!

We… the royal “we”, said as though “I” or “me” is implied but what we’re really meaning is the “someone else” kind of “we”. We’re all hoping that someone else is going to take the lead and do what needs to be done so that is exactly what WE have done. WE are the AuSM Sustainability Club here at AUT put together to help YOU make a meaningful difference. We are a selection of everyday people who are passionate about environmental sustainability, raising awareness about living a sustainable lifestyle without giving up your creature comforts.

The problem I find with this ad is it’s not really Labour specific. I mean, who doesn’t want more affordable homes and higher wages? Is this the way Labour are trying to separate themselves from the political crowd? It’s more like, as my flat mate so accurately put it, David Cunliffe thinks he is a Genie and is looking to grant New Zealander’s magic wishes. Don’t get me wrong, this would be a very welcome twist to the election race… I can see the headlines now: “Cunliffe emerges from a magic lamp and grants all New Zealand’s high wages without negatively effecting employment levels or government books.”

In their defence, Labour did a good job of what they should be doing best; being “for the people.”

The ad showed different groups of ordinary Kiwis talking about issues that affect them.

But the thing which makes me most upset about Labour’s TV ad, is Labour’s online campaign ad… it’s actually really good! Granted it is 13 minutes in length and thus far too long for a TV, it addresses some of the problems ordinary New Zealander face and Labour’s plans to fix said problems.

Set at a local community centre, it has Labour’s top MP’s hard at work fixing up the property. As they do, they’re mingling with others helping out and discussing some of the “real issues.” It has a real “all for one, and one for all” type of feeling to it and is very “Labour Party” in its essence.

I’m not sure where this Labour Party has been so far in the election, but it’s a side I actually like and a side I feel voters could really get behind.

Less than 20 days until the election, Labour; are you ready to really show us what you’re made of?

We are going to help create a sustainable planet one student at a time so make sure you jump on board now and become part of the solution, NOT part of the problem.

We’re working towards facilitating changes around campus that are geared towards helping our planet and saving the environment for many generations to come, but we won’t be stopping there, watch out wider community!

Sustainability is evidently one of those things you tend not to deal with until it slaps you across the face, or until you have to. But if we don’t change now we won’t be living on an Earth the way we know it. We are committed to having everyone look after our planet as a collective after-all we only have one!

If you want know more about our club, or just want some handy tips to save money, power and time, email us at ausmsustainabilityclub@gmail.com to sign up and don’t forget to like us on Facebook www.facebook.com/AuSMSustainabilityClub This is YOUR club, your chance to make a positive difference. All too often I hear people say “Oh I’m just one person, I can’t make a difference”.

I call bullshit on that one! All you need is a loud enough voice and together we can make one hell of a noise. So tell us, what’s your passion?

15

She was the strangest little thing. Not only did she willingly get into my arms, but instead of seeking pats, scratches, and comfort like most cats, she immediately perked her head up, licked my cheek, and placed her tiny gray paw right next to the little wet mark she’d made. It reminded me of how my old dog would react whenever she heard me cry. It was like this cutie pie of a kitten was comforting me. Too overwhelmed by her sweetness, the last thing I wanted to do was put her back in her kennel, so instead I decided to close the doors of the room I was cleaning, and let her wander around and explore while I worked. I placed her on the floor and was about to grab a sponge when I realized there was something very wrong with her. I looked at her file again and realized that in her neglect, she’d contracted an infection. The vet explained to me that the infection had spread to her brain and damaged a lot of her leg use. I sat there and watched the little sweetheart who had kissed my cheek struggle to squirm her way across the floor, flailing her two working legs as hard as she could to catch a little piece of fluff that had floated by her head. I had to take her home. I knew I would never be able to adopt her, but this little kitten, who had no idea she was broken, needed me.

I didn’t ask my parents’ permission to bring her home, instead I asked my mum to pick me up. When she got there, she was greeted by a sobbing mess holding a kitten. ‘I need to bring her home because when I tried to leave her behind...this happened!’ (gestures to red puffy eyes and gooey mess of a face). Mum, being the second biggest cat lover around, obliged immediately, and that little darling was our foster baby for the next six weeks.

Isis: Real Life Mewgic

by Laurien Barks

Illustration by Laurien Barks

While I’m pretty much as far from being a history expert as you can get, I’ve always had a bit of a soft spot for the gods. Greek, Roman, Egyptian, you name it. I may not know much about them, but I’ll never tune out or fake snore when I’m offered a story about the fascinating deities. I don’t know…

Maybe it’s my inner drama kid, clinging to any kind of symbolism it can get its jazz hands on. One of my all-time favourites is the Ancient Egyptian goddess, Isis. She wears a headdress and carries an ankh (key of life) in her hand. She’s most definitely of the babe variety. Of all the goddesses, she’s the one I want to be most like. She was a friend and of irreplaceable value to all who approached her; she answered the prayers of slaves and sinners, as well as the wealthy aristocrats and rulers. She was an ideal mother, wife, and a patroness of nature and magic. She was the whole damn package!

Gently selfless AND fiercely strong... Seems pretty damn impossible, and I’d be happy if I managed to encompass even a quarter of her mythically moulded traits. Isis personifies (goddessifies?) the idea that character and inspiration can be drawn from the most unexpected places. Fortune can be found in the heart of the downtrodden, and strength can rest in the smallest root of a tree. She believes in magic…real life magic, and I think that’s one of the coolest things to protect and believe in.

Just over a year ago, I stumbled across a piece of real life magic in its purest form. I work at a vet clinic once a week, and at this particular time of my life, cleaning cages and mopping urine off the floor was the highlight of my seven days. We’ve all been there; we’ve all hit our own unique rock bottom at one stage or another. At this particular time, it was my turn to sit at the bottom and wait until I either floated, or was ready to claw my way back up. On this specific evening, I decided to have a look in the kennels at the back of the clinic upon my arrival, instead of sulking straight into my regular routine. Her little face was the first thing I saw. It was grey and heart shaped, with big round eyes and the sweetest expression. She wasn’t pressed up against the cage begging for attention, but rather sitting patiently by the door, available for cuddles if I wished. Her file said she was a stray, though not a found one, an abandoned and mistreated one. I was wary about picking her up because abused cats tend to be a bit on the wild side, but I had to at least try and offer her a snuggle.

Over the days that followed, that little kitten proved to be one of the most inspirational little miracles I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.

As cheesy and ‘Hollywood’ as it sounds, she became my reason to get out of bed in the morning. The two of us would play for hours, building her strength, and improving her mobility. We started small with chasing little strings and cat toys, (she would worm her way across the floor to pounce on them), and worked our way up from there. She improved every single day, until only one of her front legs was handicapped. She would often get too excited, and bolt after a laser pointer or mouse toy, and trip over her dead front leg. Despite hitting her head and toppling over herself multiple times, she never stopped until she’d caught what she was chasing. She became every member of my family’s little girl. She didn’t have favourites; she kept all of us company, and gave us all equal portions of her attention. Even my dad, who’s never been a big feline fan, couldn’t say no to her little whiskery kisses.

As far as she knew, she was just a normal little kitten with a lot of love to give.

By the time the fifth week rolled around, our little honey had managed to figure out a way to get her front leg working for her. She developed a little ‘flick’ while she walked or played. Every time it was the gimpy leg’s turn to move, her body would give a little heave and fling the leg out in front of her so she could put weight on it normally. It was the coolest thing! She took that little flick, and she practiced, grew stronger, and eliminated nearly all of her trips and tumbles. She ran around like she owned the place, and the day she climbed the stairs for the first time was almost too much for the four Barks, cheering her on from the top, to handle.

Inevitably, the time came when we were contacted by a family who wanted to adopt her. A young couple who were after a unique kitten that needed them. I told them I had the perfect girl. They asked if she had a name, and I said no, we hadn’t found one to suit her. She was too special to be a ‘Fluffy’ or ‘Coco,’ and all of the other considered names were either too fierce to encapsulate her intuitively sweet nature, or too soft to encapsulate her strength. I told them that I would love to hear back from them once they decided on a name. I missed my little baby when she went to her new home. We all did. We missed her little comforting cuddles and her crazy spirit. She brought a weirdly strong and surreal sense of life to the house. Bounding around, never knowing she was different, constantly growing, improving and doing whatever needed to be done to make the world work in her favour. Who would’ve thought I’d ever find such chicken-soup-forthe-soul-worthy inspiration from a little grey ball of fur that could fit inside of my shoe.

I got the email from her new family a few days later. She was happy, healthy, and tearing up and down their stairs like there was no tomorrow. She slept on their pillow at night, and endeared them with her little leg flick every morning as she made her way to her food bowl. She completed their little household perfectly.

They named her Isis.

17

HORROR WORDFIND

AMITYVILLE BIRDS BGRADE BLACKGUYDIESFIRST BLACKLAGOON

Name:

BLAIRWITCH BODYSNATCHERS CHILDSPLAY CLIVEBARKER DAWNOFTHEDEAD

EDGARALLENPOE FREDDY FRIDAYTHIRTEENTH GODZILLA HPLOVECRAFT

SAW SHINING SKINWALKER STEPHENKING WOLFMAN

Email:

Circle all the words in the HORRORS Wordfind, tear this page out & pop it into the box on the side of the red debate stands, and you could win some motherflippin' sweet prizes! Winners will be notified by email.

While you're at it, care to write us a lovenote, hatemail or even a suggestion? We'd loooooove to hear it!

Anonymous? (If printed)

HORROR CROSSWORD

by Kieran Bennett

ACROSS 5: Periods and murder 9: Poe’s tale of a hole and a very sharp blade 11: Fertility monster in space 12: Gory, Kiwi born claim to horror fame 15: ____of the Corn 17: Where a young Johnny Depp was eaten in his sleep 18: The first horror to show a bra DOWN 1: The night He came home in 1978 2: Wes Craven’s self-aware slasher 3: Screaming, pointing and stealing you away 4: Technically he’s the doctor 6: They’re here 7: Father of the undead 8: Here’s Johnny!

10: Red and White 1958 Plymouth Fury (of death) 13: Clive Barker’s pleasure obsessed demon 14: Not Edward, not sparkly 15: Lovecraftian horror from the bottom of the ocean 16: If only they had a bigger boat

SPOT THE 15 DIFFERENCES 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

19

MO QUIZ

by Laurien Barks Movember’s a pretty big deal here at AUSM, and despite it being two months away, the office is already buzzing with mo-cheer. So, to help the rest of you get into the festive spirit, we’ve put together a mo-quiz for you this week!

1) a. b. c. d. e.

In your spare time you like to: Discuss politics with your colleagues Hang with your mates Go cliff diving Paint with watercolours Explore new body changes

2) a. b. c. d. e.

Your style can best be described as: Monocle chic Jeans and tee Beads and feathers Anything beige Whatever Mum lays on the bed

3) Your favourite band is: a.

The National b. T-Rex c. Peaches d.

Anything by Bach e.

Simple Plan 4) a. b. c. d. e.

Your ideal evening out includes: The ballet Beer and a rugby game Midnight walk on the beach and an impromptu skinny dip Watching a film, cinema or at home, it doesn’t matter Accidentally touching the hand of a member of the opposite sex

5) Which of the following best describes your wheels? a.

The Porsche that my parents bought me b.

Dad’s old pick-up truck c.

A sweet van that fits 10 if you’re not picky about seat belts d.

Second hand hatchback I found on TradeMe e.

Mum just drives me on the rare occasion that I need to leave the house 6) Your style of lovemaking style can best be described as: a. Romantic b. Fun c. Passionate d. Gentle e. One-handed 7) Your favourite film is: a. L’avventura b.

The Godfather c.

Shutter Island d.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower e.

Napoleon Dynamite 8) Your best subject in school was: a. Economics b. P.E. c. Drama d. Art e. Lunch 9) Who are you planning on voting for

in the upcoming election? a.

The National Party b. Labour c. Greens d.

Democrats for Social Credit e.

The Conservative Party

Mostly As - The Connoisseur: You’re most definitely a fan of the finer things in life. Wine, cheese, conversation, clothing, you’re surrounded by only the best. Like the Connoisseur, you’re the best you when you’re looking your finest. You’re not the must humble person around, but you work hard for your various bragging rights, and let’s face it; people are often too impressed to even be mad.

Mostly Bs - The Tom Selleck: You’re the personification of a cold beer on a hot summer day: A bloody classic. You make friends easily, and it doesn’t take long for you to become a cherished familiarity in the lives of everyone you meet. You bring a sense of comfort wherever you go. Honestly, if you were to suddenly disappear, it would quite possibly shatter everyone’s grasp of reality.

Mostly Cs - The Trucker: When life gives you lemons, you make a lemon-lime margarita. You like to add a fun little twist to the norm in order to keep things exciting. You like breakfast for dinner, you’re the first to suggest a game of night-time hide n’ seek, and much to your flatmate’s dismay, ‘Naked Wednesday’ is a thing. You simply can’t function properly if you haven’t got some kind of adventure to look forward to.

Mostly Ds - The Pencil: We’re not surprised to see you taking this quiz; you’ve always got your nose in some kind of reading material. You tend to keep to yourself, you don’t like to be too flashy, but you’ll whip out your admirable quantity of knowledge when you need to. You’re quietly confident in yourself, and you have your own unique dapper charm that you graciously show off to those who give you the respect you deserve.

Mostly Es - The Pubey Stash: We’ll word this simply so you don’t have any trouble understanding when Mum reads this blurb to you. We’re proud that you try so hard despite being so justifiably unappreciated. You’re at your best when you’re in your mother’s basement, eating apple sauce and making crafts with your safety scissors. Don’t worry honey, self-esteem is overrated.

Keep your cool: Turn down your thermostat and grab a sweater or cuddle buddy.

Leave your clothes out: Ditch the clothes dryer and invest in a good clothes rack.

Make it yourself: Making your own bread is not only cheaper and packagefree friendly; it’s also way more delicious! And while you’re at it, why not try making your own yogurt, soy milk, and muesli bars.

No non-stick: I know we all love our Teflon-coated frying pans, but it may be time to switch over to cast iron. Teflon and other resins release toxins when heated, and the fact that you may need to spray a little oil in the pan before you fry an egg might just be worth the significantly less ‘holey’ ozone layer later on.

ABCs OF LIVING FTW

Outdoor activity: Construct yourself a herb garden to spice up your life, or plant a tree. Your marinara and Mother Nature will thank you.

Plan ahead: Chuck a spoon in your bag before you leave the house. This automatically eliminates your need for coffee stirrers and plastic spoons when you dine on the town. I started doing this a few months ago, and I’ve been rather surprised at how often it works to reduce the amount of plastic I use.

Quick showers: Another one your mum’s been telling you for years, but have you really taken it on board? I gave up long showers months ago, I never take more than five minutes, and I can assure you, I’m sufficiently clean. If you shower because it makes you feel relaxed, might I suggest a warm fuzzy blanket and a cup of tea instead?

Reuse: Reuse jars as cups, reuse CDs as décor, cut your plastic bags into strips and use them as ‘yarn’ to crochet or knit a bigger, sturdier bag that can be used for years. Get creative, people.

by Laurien Barks Accumulate errands: Make a list over the course of the week as you’re reminded of errands that need running. Grab groceries, go to the bank, and pick up that ointment from the pharmacy all in one trip. Not only will you be reducing pollution output, but you’ll be saving petrol money too.

Buy Bulk: Less plastic packaging, usually cheaper prices…what more could you want?

Coffee cups: You’ve heard it before, and I’m saying it again: buy a freaking reusable coffee cup and quit killing mother earth with your caffeine addiction.

Drink bottles: Another one you’ve heard before and still aren’t listening to.

If the fact that your grandchildren won’t see a polar bear because of your constant drink bottle purchase isn’t enough to discourage you, then maybe have a think about how much money you could save.

Exercise: It’s really not that far to walk to the grocery store or your friend’s house. I know three km sounds like ages, but really…that’s a 30 minute walk, and the health benefits and lack of vehicle pollution are worth it.

Farmer’s markets: These bad-boys are all about the no-plastic food purchases. Get amongst and bring the same containers back each week to be refilled.

Give and let give: Before you stick it in the bin, try and find a new home for it.

And don’t be insulted if someone else does the same for you - second hand is the new first hand.

Henna hair: Buy unpackaged, organic henna and use that to colour your hair instead of that nasty chemical filled tube from the grocery store.

Ice cream cones: Next time you get ice cream, choose a cone over a cup.

You can eat the packaging!

Junk debunk: Get yourself off of all the mailing lists you don’t remember signing up for and stick a ‘No junk mail’ sign on your mailbox. As well as being a green solution, it’ll make your mail sifting far less annoying.

Shopping bags: Use a cloth shopping bag, backpack, or large purse. And re-evaluate your laziness threshold…is it really that hard to carry a few items without any bag at all?

Tupperware: Or any brand of plastic ware. Use it, love it, cherish it, and quit buying those damn zip-lock baggies.

Unplug: Unplug your electronics at night. It’ll save money, it’ll save energy, and it’ll probably save you from some weird electric currents that inevitably radiate out when those kinds of devices are turned on.

Veg out: Go meat-free permanently, once a week, or as often as you can.

Really, any kind of meat-reduction effort you can make will be beneficial.

Introduce yourself to the chickpea and the soy bean; they’re friendly little honeys who’ll be sure to make you feel welcome.

Water and vinegar: Ditch the chemical-filled surface sprays for your kitchen counter tops, and mix one part vinegar to three parts water instead. It does the same job without the alkali burns on the inside of your lungs, and atmosphere.

Xerox responsibly: I know Xerox isn’t the freshest or dopest term around, but Xs are hard so just deal with it. The point remains though. Photocopy and print double-sided, or if you can help it, don’t create hard copies at all.

Yummy gifts: Why give away a bunch of ‘stuff’ that’ll end up in the trash one day? When a birthday or Christmas rolls around, you can choose to take the term ‘yummy’ literally, and whip up some fantastic treats, or you can take it figuratively, and give your cherished angels some deliciously indulgent experiences. Rent them a bach, buy them a jump from the sky tower, take your clothes off and dance, the possibilities are endless! (*Note: the above suggestions are not universally appropriate across all relations… unless you have some incredibly awkward family traditions).

Zero in on vehicle maintenance: Maintain your car. You’ll prolong its life and create far less pollution, all the while saving on gas. Clean the air filters, keep your tires optimally inflated, and have your trunk as empty as possible to make your centrifugal pump’s life easier.

21

photo by Alex Berger

THE Cliché Guide to Getting Dumped.

by Matthew Cattin So, your heart throb honey has gone done walked out the door, leaving you to pick up the fragments of your tormented heart.

You’re bewildered, confused, upset, the tears well in your eyes as you stand shocked and still, staring at the slammed front door. It’s really over, and as the reality creeps into what’s left of your heart, it’s time to bail out the tears, repair the leaks in your sunken ship, and float on alright. Here’s what you need to do.

First thing’s first – you need to chase your love out that front door into the pouring rain, drop to your knees in the driveway, and howl to the heavens as their car pulls away. Love, Reign o’er Me by The Who plays from inside (or is it from heaven?), Roger Daltrey’s anguished cries swirling through the wide open door and assaulting your ears as you sob on the concrete. Let the healing begin.

Now that you’re soaking wet, it only makes sense that it must be shower time. Clothes are optional – at this point you’re just too damn broken to care. With your head down and the steady stream of water mingling with your bitter tears, you can begin to reflect on what you have lost, reminiscing in all of the things you will never again have. After 45 minutes to an hour of wallowing in the foetal position, you emerge, damp and downtrodden, but not clean. Oh no, you will never feel clean again.

You’ve dried yourself off, and with it some of the shock. It is now that the anger begins to seep into your soul, blackening it like a dark curse – it’s time for some petty revenge. You log on to Facebook, change your relationship status to single, and revel in the minor victory and newfound sense of control. With that out of the way, it’s time to tear up your couple photos, ensuring you keep the good halves intact. If you don’t have any physical prints (since it’s 2014), un-tag yo’self instead – it’s the symbolism that counts.

Your friends will no doubt notice the relationship status change and leap to your aid, vowing to get you back onto your feet.

You’ll try your best to outwardly match their enthusiasm (whilst dying on the inside), but agree to it nonetheless. Once in town, you’ll drink far too much tequila, see confident hottaaaays that

look like your ex, start a few fights, and end up crying by the strobe light until your throat hurts.

Since the night out didn’t turn out so well for anybody involved, you decide it’s best if you just stay in for a few months. Crying has lost its appeal and your friends have given up on you, so it’s all up to you to make yourself feel better. You hit up the video shop, head for the comedy section, and pick up every damn Hugh Grant film you can find. As each film fades into the next, you lay on the couch in your fat pants eating ice cream and smearing peanut butter on the roof of your mouth. Your room is a mess, you haven’t shaved in weeks, the couch has a permanent bum groove, you’ve reached rock bottom.

You dig out your ex’s mixtape and reopen your wounds; you know you shouldn’t, but you can’t help yourself. As each new track stirs up old memories, you reach again for the peanut butter to drown your sorrow in carbs. Justin Vernon you bastard, why you so sad? Damn it all to heck Nick Drake, can’t you write a happy song for once in your miserable life?

You wake up feeling, for the first time, a little better than the day before – it’s break up cut time. You hit up your local dresser, ready to rock a new do. As you relay your relationship woes to your hairdresser, you fail to notice they’re cutting off far more than you wanted, and you leave with an ugly fringe mullet combo. Your confidence in tatters, you hurry back home to your mix tapes.

A few weeks have passed and your hair has grown back to resemble something close to normal. Your confidence has grown in leaps and bounds and your negative energy is shifting into motivation. You become obsessed with (500) Days of Summer and hope is in the air. You start going for runs, eating right and appreciating the small things. You realise that everything that went down happened for a reason, and you know what, it’s only made you stronger.

And then you meet a girl named Autumn.

America, Food and Family

by Kieran Bennett of my strongest from my time in the United States. As delicious as these foods were however, it’s not really taste alone that makes me remember them this strongly. It’s was what makes any meal memorable, the people you ate it with and where you ate it. And the States were the home of some of the best meals I have ever had.

But before we get to the main course, let’s just stop for a moment and consider our appetizer. I went to the United States when I was 13 with my family to celebrate my Grandmother’s birthday. I was swept off at four in the morning halfway around the world (after a 23 hour plane trip) and for a whole month I found myself exposed to one of the most diverse and varied cultures I have ever seen. We spent our entire trip doing the sights and travelling across the country.

It was, predictably, amazing. But let’s be honest; the sights, the tourist traps and the beautiful scenery are pretty much old hat. They’re on the internet. What you don’t get, what travel websites don’t tell you about the US is that the food and people are amazing and when combined they’re even better.

The first meal we had in the US was something of a disaster.

After a 23 hour flight, there was this group of five hungry tourists in a hotel room. They craved Mexican and so ordered two ‘entrees’ each from a Mexican delivery place.

Entrees in the States are mains in New Zealand. And that’s not me being facetious, I mean they literally call main size meals entrees. What we call entrees are called, appetizers.

So this group of tourists (which might have been my family and I) ended up with 10 people’s worth of Mexican on our first night in the states. A good start. But what about the Chocolate Texas sheet cake, chicken strips and potato chips? Well Sheet cake is basically just a giant brownie/ cake hybrid topped with butter cream icing and I wanted it mentioned in the hopes that Miss Charlotte Cake will make it. But the chicken strips and potato chips are actually important.

Neither of these things are, in of themselves, particularly memorable foods. They’re not even that nice. But I like them because of what they represent, good times and fun. I had chicken strips with my dad at McDonalds all throughout my trip; we bonded, we chatted, we marvelled at breakfast burritos. I mean, we were surrounded by culture and on the other side of the world, but the presence of a breakfast burrito and some fried chicken that tasted exactly like KFC was enough to bring us together. Same with the potato chips.

It was a fairly common practice to get a small bowl of potato chips with your dinner, much in the same way you would get a little plate of bread. I remember sharing around this little bowl of fried potatoes and feeling like this country could never get any better.

I have always, always loved to eat. I think you can tell a lot about someone based on how they feed you, and eat with you. The States was home to some of the largest and most lavish meals I have ever consumed. But equally it was home to some of the simplest yet wonderful ones thanks to the company I kept. Also potato chips and turkey is surprisingly good.

23

By Kieran Bennett I haven’t had a lot of jobs. In fact, it would be pretty accurate to say I have only ever had three jobs. That’s not to say I’m a terrible employee and essentially un-hireable. It’s just that, like a thousand other people I’m sure, I don’t know anyone. I don’t network. Face to face conversations are just stressful and more often than not, I leave feeling like a bit of a knob. Or, more like one than usual. LinkedIn promises to help me fix that. Boasting itself to be “the world’s largest professional network”, LinkedIn makes big promises, but does it deliver? Luckily, this is not a question you need to investigate for yourself. I signed up for LinkedIn, connected to people, endorsed them and generally just found out what it was all about.

SIGN UP The sign up process was somewhat painless. It was your fairly standard first name/last name/email type form. I was unable to find any kind simple explanation as to what exactly happened to my data, other than a few videos that assured me LinkedIn loved me and would never hurt me so when it asked for my phone number in order to give me the app, I was a little hesitant. But in any case, I pressed on.

LinkedIn is all about connections. You have a network, much like your group of friends on Facebook, and the aim appears to be to grow your network.

LinkedIn is essentially a digital substitute for knowing people in your industry and in the work force in general. It takes your email and riffles through your contacts, finds the ones on LinkedIn and then suggests you invite them to join your network. I did so and what I first noticed is every time someone joined me in the land of LinkedIn, I received an email and a notification on my LinkedIn profile. It seems that LinkedIn likes to stay in touch as over the course of the week, LinkedIn would occasionally ask me while I was on LinkedIn if I wanted to sync my email address book. For the fourth time.

After I had synced my email address book (for the first time), I was ready to go. I was ready to dive into the world of professional connections. But first, I needed a profile.

PROFILE MAKING LinkedIn actually succeeds quite well in this respect. Your profile on LinkedIn is totally unlike your profile on Facebook, it’s more like an online CV. You list your basic contact details (but you don’t have to if you’re feeling a bit private), where you went to school, what activities you did at said school and what skills you are proficient in. The skills were, I thought, an interesting part of LinkedIn. Once you add them to your profile, people who are part of your network are able to ‘endorse’ your skills. That one guy you met that one time is able to tell the world that yes, you are ‘synergistic’ and can indeed edit videos.

image by Ben Scholzen

THE LOWDOWN ON

It all adds up to a big list of skills with the most endorsed one’s at the top, telling people straight away what you can do. The only flaw that I could really see was that it was entirely voluntary and not backed up by anything at all. I could quite easily put ‘snake charming’ on my profile, ask a few friends to endorse me, and suddenly I’m a snake charmer. But I’m assuming you’re no liar here, so this shouldn’t make too much of a difference when you’re making your profile. After everything is added and LinkedIn asks you for the millionth time if you want to send more invites to your friends, the process is essentially complete. You are now ‘Linked-In’ (fuck I’m hilarious).

WHAT’S IT ACTUALLY FOR? This portion of the article was written several weeks after the previous section, after I had been on LinkedIn for a while.

LinkedIn, as I said, is all about the connections. You connect with people you work with, your friends and then hopefully people that your friends know. When you make a connection, and most people are willing to connect, you can actually ask a friend to introduce you through LinkedIn, theoretically opening up a conversation between the two of you. And this is the heart of LinkedIn; getting introduced to and talking to people you can’t easily connect with in real life. That said, there is more to LinkedIn than just connections, which is sort of nice. You can also read up on a variety of articles that supposedly relate to your skills and education. Unfortunately most of the articles I’ve been recommended have been about how to maximise my synergistic energies and haven’t really been that helpful or interesting. A little more interesting is the depth that your profile can go when it comes to trumpeting your successes. I discovered after a while that your LinkedIn profile can hold more than just your employment history. There’s actually several options to upload your own work and provide links to projects you’ve worked on, turning your profile into a CV-come-portfolio, which for someone who studies a more ‘creative’ course, is a pretty snazzy option. There are also jobs listed on LinkedIn, but seeing as I am happily employed, I didn’t really investigate these too thoroughly. Overall, LinkedIn is really as good as you’re willing to make it. It seems to hold your hand in the beginning and then as soon as that’s done, is quite happy to throw you into the deep end. There is, I was surprised to learn, a lot on offer. But the problem is there’s no way to find it unless you go exploring, and even when you do find something, you’re never 100 per cent sure what it is.

I’ll be keeping my LinkedIn profile after this; I might even add a photo to it as well. While I may not fully agree with the whole ‘marketing yourself’ philosophy (it in fact makes me want to grind my teeth), I do understand it; and LinkedIn does seem like a good way to do this. And the chances of making a new connection through a mutual friend, especially in New Zealand, do seem to be quite high and sometimes someone just knowing your name is all it takes to go from eating mi goreng from a hat to eating mi goreng off a plate. With an actual fork.

image by Nan Palmero

I also asked a variety of experts what they thought of LinkedIn and gathered their responses.

CHRISTINA WATKINS HR Manager at Delmaine Fine Foods

SHALESH VASAN: Business Development Manager at Student Job Search

JULI PAURINI: Careers Counsellor at Careers NZ

What do you get out of LinkedIn? LinkedIn is a useful networking tool enabling people to search for candidates, companies, ask questions etc. I’ve found it useful to link into like-minded people within similar industries as well as keeping abreast of interesting articles and people’s career movements.

What do you get out of LinkedIn? LinkedIn – like many other social networking platforms - is another great way to stay connected with people and creating a professional (i.e. work-related) online profile that may assist you in getting employment. It may even help you find that dream job (both here and/or overseas) once you have finished your studies.

What would students get out of LinkedIn? There are a number of key benefits with setting up a LinkedIn profile.

Creating your own personal work profile that includes work experience, education, skills and a photo (much like a CV) that you can constantly update.

1. Connecting with others - students, family, friends, work colleagues and other professionals.

2. Getting endorsed – the more recommendations for skills you have, the stronger your profile will be.

3. Researching potential jobs – you can keep an eye on companies you may want to work for one day via their LinkedIn page.

4. Getting noticed – by building up your LinkedIn profile, you’ll have a better chance of getting noticed by an employer.

5. Getting job email alerts – you can receive notifications for recommended jobs.

What do you get out of LinkedIn? I get connections with colleagues, also other connections with people in my field here and overseas. I can also connect with people in associated areas. As in, it lets me link into other fields.

Do you use LinkedIn when hiring employees?

Yes, but haven’t been successful yet!

What benefit, if any, do you think it provides?

By being able to view people’s history prior to them submitting CVs you can establish if they are suitable candidates.

Would you ever post a job on LinkedIn? Yes. Do you think LinkedIn will ever replace oldfashioned networking?

No. I’m of the traditional kind that we’re humans and at the end of the day we like to talk to people. Social networking provides a basis to link with others but it’s human nature that we like physical contact.

Are hopeful employees losing anything by using things like LinkedIn? Not if they utilise it correctly. If you don’t use it like Facebook then it’s a worthwhile platform to get your brand out there.

Do you think that LinkedIn connections factor into a student’s hireability?

I think it can only be a positive thing and it may become more and more important as time goes on. Above all else, it shows to a potential employer that a student is serious about their career and staying connected.

Would Student Job Search ever incorporate LinkedIn? Quite possibly. It is definitely part of our longterm plan.

What would you recommend students do if they’re unwilling to go on LinkedIn? Keep gaining valuable work experience and record this on your CV. Also build up a good body of work referees (and written references) for future employers to contact. Always stay in touch with work colleagues and employers as networking is a key part of gaining work and career building.

What would students get out of it?

I think it's a good way to learn how social media works and the etiquette around it. It’s a good way to list skills and experiences. Also projects and volunteer work can be listed.

LinkedIn helps with their self-awareness; it’s another way to build a network. Also like I said it's a way to connect to fields similar to their own.

Do you think LinkedIn connections would factor into student’s hireability?

That’s a good question as it’s really from an employer’s perspective. I would say yes as if they did look, it would [factor into hireability].

I’d say it’s wise to keep it updated. I know they do it overseas; my niece was getting a job in London and I know she had to make one.

Would Careers New Zealand ever start recommending a LinkedIn profile as part of their standard advice?

Depends on the person and their field.

For graduate students we would, even for secondary students. We may even recommend it for students about to go overseas.

What do you recommend students do if LinkedIn is something they don’t wish to become involved with?

For me it's about a job strategy. It's about your strategy. If LinkedIn is used in your field, I would recommend you use it. I would suggest doing a little research on it, it’s really an added piece of networking. You may miss out.

25

by Cassie Arauzo The one thing Evelyn refused to be was normal.

Unlike me, I was normal. I’m a blended colour on the palette of society.

“For goodness sake,” I said, longing to tell her to shut up.

“You’re far from normal!”

“You prance around in your tutu, fanning incense around the room like some old hippie... Eve, you eat microwave dinners and complain when that food doesn’t look exactly the way it does on the package.... Normal four-year-olds don’t do that, normal people wouldn’t care less.”

She’s girly. Ambitious. Verging on drag queen.

She wanted to be everything and anything at once; a ballerina, an actress, a model, Puerto Rican, a contortionist, a nurse, a figure skater and Wonder Woman. I watched her occasionally. She spent inordinate amounts of time waltzing around our living room with a doily on her head. She strutted down the hallway as the new Miss Universe, during which time she would also claim she won the Nobel Prize for the best colouring picture.

Was this the time where you tell a child life’s a bitch? I don’t remember when it happened to me. Did it hurt? Was I once like Evelyn? Was reality an atrocity to me also? Gathering by the boogers running down her nose and her clutching fingers on my arm, I figured it must hurt to realize you weren’t much more special than anybody else.

I become conscious of something that I admired in my little sister, and to my surprise, despite her annoying zoo-loo chants at 7am she had an amazing ability to truly believe she could be everything and anything. This was a gift that I hoped she never grew out of.

I certainly did. Are children doomed to be like their parents? Like our mother?

The undying innocence to believe a 90-kilogram man, climbed through our tiny apartment window to deliver gifts. That a flying old dwarf lady swapped her tooth for ten cent coins, and that she - a four-year-old, in the small city of Tauranga New Zealand, could find the cure for Cancer. As far as I was concerned I wasn’t going to be the one breaking this girl’s heart.

She had everything going for her - absolute denial.

In my eyes there was no way she could be all, if any of the things she dreamt about. But she didn’t know any different therefore it couldn’t hurt her, not yet at least.

At her ripe age of four, she was inquisitive about everything.

I suppose she watched our mum and saw exactly what she wanted not to be. Mum was the perfect definition of plain Jane. She had brown hair, not chocolate or deep maroon, but just brown. Her eyes didn’t even sparkle a little. They were so concerned, full of deep regret and anguish. She puffed.

Inhaled. Sucked at the nicotine that drained the life out of her. Bony and gaunt with hollow eyes, a shade of yellow – something I started to see in my reflection. Evelyn escaped this world. I don’t blame Evelyn for not wanting to be normal. I don’t blame Evelyn for not wanting to be like us.

Most nights we ate tea in front of the telly. You could see Evelyn’s eyes suction on while her mashed pumpkin slid off her fork. Every moving coloured picture to her was a whole new world. You could see her mind racing at the thought of meeting Big Bird or becoming a champion swimmer. Her world, like television, was endless.

I preferred to watch Eve as I ate my tea. Unlike telly she was completely unpredictable, still full of her hopes… Dreams.

As long as Evelyn longed for abnormality she will forever aspire towards it as she suffers an extreme case of curiosity. I on the other hand, suffer from worldweariness and discontent with my own skin.

The next afternoon left me stunned. Evelyn came howling home at her discovery that Kindergarten was not only not going to make her a star, but that every other one, two, three and four-year-old was eager to be a big star too. In between her moans and sniffles I gathered that Brian too wanted to be an actor, and some girl called Lauren was going to win the Nobel Prize before her. Her emerald eyes burnt into me. A glimpse of hope told me she was waiting for my reassuring response.

So for the following years I envied her way of sliding by life at such ease ignorance was bliss for sure. I stayed trudging through life, dragging my feet behind me. I’ll wait for the day, if it ever comes, for Eve to fit in with the rest of us “no hopes.” However I hope that she never loses herself to society like Mum did, like I have. With any luck others might take a moment in their life and look at a child like Eve as a learning curve rather than an annoying sister. Because in today’s society I believe that kids like Evelyn can teach the adults and the subsequent teenagers to be innocent again. Teach the washouts who have become closed minded to the idea of imagination because they believe it sets you up for disappointment and failure.

Maybe I was the one who needed to be told; life isn’t about reality all the time and maybe life’s only a bitch because that’s what I make of it. Perhaps, I too wanted to be fantastic and I just followed my mother’s footsteps. Reality was for people who had lost their imagination but most importantly their innocence.

Possibly I wanted to be a young soul, without a doubt, that has done no wrong and only sees the world through genuine and pure love. A believer?

A dreamer? Unfortunately I’m not. Never will be. I kept to the path with society and never strayed like Evelyn does.

Too many people think that only adults need to set an example for our children, but in fact there’s so much to learn from the example set by children themselves. Our struggles in life would somehow be made easier this way. At least, that’s what Evelyn showed me.

Because the one thing she refused to be was normal.

flickr.com/photos/birdnesthair

The Little Things That Make Life Great

GET YOURSELF AN AuSM STUDENT GLOBAL ID CARD Over 4,500 discounts in New Zealand and Australia and up to 42,000 discounts worldwide!

Save $$$ on food and beverage, accommodation, communications, transport, museums, galleries, cultural attractions and much more!

EXCLUSIVE

PRICE

ONLY $19

SIGN UP NOW AT www.isiccard.co.nz with PROMO CODE AUSM

Access the deals via www.isiccard.co.nz or use our ISIC app for iPhone or Android.

Terms and conditions: Offer valid from 21/07/14 – 31/12/14 and only valid to full-time AuSM members holding a current AuSM card which will be used for verification. Standard ISIC New Zealand terms and conditions apply and are available on www.isiccard.co.nz

27

pasifika student support Pasifika Student Support provides: • • • •

Professional, friendly advice Course and enrolment information Advice and information on scholarships Social events and activities that will connect you with other Pasifika students

We can also speak with academic departments and other

City: North Shore: South:

WB215 AS207 MA106

921 9892 / 921 9893 921 9164 921 9999 ext 6387 / 6704

Email pasifika@aut.ac.nz Web www.aut.ac.nz/pasifika

DID YOU KNOW...

We will soon be moving your AUT email from the old Webmail system to Office 365 Outlook.

So, what do you need to do?

Nothing. All your mail items and contacts will be migrated to Outlook automatically from 9-11 September. Once the migration is complete you will be notified and redirected to your new email.

It’s that simple.

VOX POPS - BEARD WATCH EDITION This week we got all up in some beautiful bearded boys' faces. We also found some bearded ladies to chat to.

AARON

GUY

LAURENT

CARL

Can I touch it?

Yes. (It felt like…um…like if your fingers could touch a baby’s laugh, that’s what it would feel like.)

Can I touch it?

Yes. (It felt long and soft, like conditioned needles from an evergreen tree.)

Can I touch it?

Yes. (It felt course and bristly…like the toothbrushes of angels…)

Can I touch it?

Yes. (I cupped it in my hand and it felt like a hairy boob…in the best way imaginable. I was actually inspired to quit shaving my own boob hair)

Would you shave it for a woman?

No. The only woman I would ever shave it for is my partner, and she’s happy with it.

Would you shave it for a woman?

No, because my facial hair is something that I control. And my girlfriend loves it so I’ve never been in that situation.

What’s the best thing about growing a beard?

The best thing about growing a beard is having a beard. And you save on razors. They’re expensive.

What’s the best thing about growing a beard?

Just the feel on my face, the warmth, and I can stroke it.

How do you care for your hair?

A bit of wax. And that stuff…what is it? Pomade?

SARAH What’s your favourite kind of facial hair?

I like a bit of stubble, nothing too full on. I prefer stubble to clean shaven.

Would you make your man shave his beard if he had one?

Yea probably, just because I don’t find beards attractive.

Why do you think guys like growing beards?

Makes them feel masculine, I guess. It also makes them look older.

What do you think the worst thing about having a beard is?

Maintaining it. Some guys might be quite pedantic about the shape and what not. It might put some girls off.

How do you care for your hair?

I wash it, clean it, and comb it.

Sometimes I put coconut oil on it, not very often. Whenever I find coconut oil, I use it.

COURTENY What’s your favourite kind of facial hair?

Stubbly, no specific type.

Would you make your man shave his beard if he had one?

Yes. Because it wouldn’t be nice to kiss him.

Why do you think guys like growing beards?

It’s a manly thing, only guys can do it.

What do you think the worst thing about having a beard is?

Crumbs when you don’t know about them. It might get dirty.

Would you shave it for a woman?

Well I already have a woman and she doesn’t want me to shave it. But if she did, then yes.

What’s the best thing about growing a beard?

Taking care of it. Stroking it when I’m thinking.

How do you care for your hair?

Shampoo every two days and sometimes I’ll brush it.

RENEE What’s your favourite kind of facial hair?

Stubble, not too much. When they haven’t shaved in a week.

Would you make your man shave his beard if he had one?

Yes I would. If it’s too much beard, I hate it.

Why do you think guys like growing beards?

I think it makes them feel masculine if they can grow one.

What do you think the worst thing about having a beard is?

Getting food caught in it and not noticing.

Would you shave it for a woman?

No, never. If a woman doesn’t like my facial hair, then they’re not the right woman. The only time I would shave my beard would be on the first of Movember to help raise awareness for men’s health.

What’s the best thing about growing a beard?

Being able to be a man. And stroking helps me think. Do you know the average bearded man strokes or touches his beard 596 times a day?

How do you care for your hair?

Clean it. Brush it twice a day or more depending on the look I want.

I use Layrite pomade, and soon I’ll have beard oil to use on it.

ANNA What’s your favourite kind of facial hair?

Beard, a full beard.

Would you make your man shave his beard if he had one?

I would make him trim it. I wouldn’t force him to shave.

Why do you think guys like growing beards?

They look grown up.

What do you think the worst thing about having a beard is?

It would get itchy.

29

Dickorate:

By Laurien Barks I kind of missed the boat on the whole phone apps thing. I didn’t have a mobile phone until I was nearly 18, and even then, the only things I ever used it for were texting and checking the time. Apps were a bit of a foreign concept until several months ago when Snapchat floated into my radar. I actually had to get my little brother to help me navigate my way through the app store (that had apparently been on my phone all along) because I find it difficult to keep up and/or get down with the kids and their damn technological ways. It was a whole new world, full of games, horoscopes, flashlights, and animal-noise ringtones! I couldn’t believe what I’d been missing out on! Not that I took much advantage of the seemingly endless supply of apps, but I did start keeping my eyes a bit more open for handy little phone additions that tickled my fancy. Unfortunately, like any worthwhile quest, you’re going to run into some not-so-great things along the way. I stumbled upon an article about a ‘Cosmo Sex Positions’ app and realized that there really was a phone application for any and every need. I’ve managed to gather eight of my favourite, why-the-heck-is-this-areal-thing, do-people-seriously-download-these, sexy time applications for your viewing, ‘eww’ing, and potentially screwing pleasure.

Vital Signs: You can’t very well be making the sex with people who aren’t attracted to you. So, first thing’s first. You need to find out if that babe likes you. But how, Laurien? It’s not like I can just hang out with them, have adult discussions, and gauge their interest with a series of open and honest interactions that make them feel safe and respected. You’re right! That’s crazy talk! Lucky for you, now there’s a far less creepy way to find out if that special someone likes you back. Vital Signs is the app with a specially designed camera.

All you need to do is point that camera in your love interest’s direction and let the app measure the breathing and heart rate of the subject. By calculating the rate of movement in the chest, and carefully analysing the colour of the subject’s face to determine blood flow and therefore heart rate, this handy dandy and not at all overly attached app is your completely and utterly reliable ‘like’ detector. If you can, try and catch your heart throb immediately after they’ve run a half marathon or fought off a rabid badger… I think destiny might be just a little bit kinder if you time it right. iFrenchKiss: Now, I may not be the most experienced gal around, but I know the start to any good hook up, starts with a kiss. Make it French, and you’ve got your ins for sure. But how can you French kiss confidently if you’ve never been scored on your ability? You can’t! That’s where this handy little app comes in. Not only does it eliminate the awkward conversation of having to ask your partner to hold up a numerical score after you’ve swirled your tongue in their mouth (from personal experience, I can safely assure you that this is, in fact, a mood killer), but it also gives you a chance to give your phone screen a little bit of a wash. You literally press your mouth to the touch screen, move your tongue and lips around as if it was your girlfriend’s/boy toy’s/your bathroom mirror reflection’s mouth. When you pull away, and wipe the drooly mess off, there’ll be a score out of ten for you to take on board and work to improve for next time.

Predicktor: So you’ve had the make-out sesh, maybe a bit of over-the-shirt action, but now your minds-a-wandering. You’re trying to decide if you want to take this further but would like to make an…um…informed decision. You’re well aware that it’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean (and the sea spray on your face) but let’s be honest, you want to know what kind of boat you need to prepare yourself for before you’re thrust into a storm. That’s where Predicktor has your back. Simply enter your man’s height and shoe size and you’ll get a probably mostly pretty much accurate guess as to how many inches/feet you’ve got to work with.

So the estimate has been made and now it’s time to take the next step into the timelessly classy and romantic world of The Dick Pic. But we all know monotony kills your sex life faster than you can say ‘I have a headache,’ so set yourself up for exciting times right from the get go. Dickorate (though not currently available) has the potential to provide the perfect trimming for even the most average meat and two veg. Give your dick a makeover with the option to enlarge your photo (even though we know you totally don’t need to), and choose from a range of decals. Add a cowboy hat, a pair of sunnies, or a schnazzy vest to your favourite friend to give him the confidence he needs to stand up tall.

HappyPlayTime: Now even though this app is still in the makings, it gets to be on the list because…well, ladies, you’ve just received an enlarged, decorated dick pic with a moustache adorned foreskin...there’s no way that this app isn’t going to be your first port of call. HappyPlayTime is the app designed to bring awareness to and provide tutorials for female masturbation. The creator didn’t like the taboo nature of the topic, so decided to not only provide fun facts and quizzes, but also hand out a few tips on how to get the job done. The mascot is a cute pink vagina with an exceptionally large head that optimistically represents a clitoris (if they were really that large and exposed, we’d never get any work done), and the user can run their finger around the lusciously supple head of the vagina mascot in several different motions until they feel comfortable enough to try it for themselves.

This app just screams (or rather, gasps breathlessly): ‘treat yo’self.’

Passion: You’ve had some time with yourself, and now you’re ready to add another body to the mix. But we all know that sexy fun times just aren’t worth the effort unless we’ve got electronic proof that we’re the best at it (or at least constantly working toward becoming the best). Passion lets you compare your skills to others by actively scoring you while you get down.

Simply put the phone on the bed, arm band, or pocket (depending how rambunctious the session is going to get), and get straight to business.

The app scores on duration, volume of orgasm noises, and level of activity. When you’re done, simply press the stop button and revel in your undoubtedly impressive score.

Nipple: The Sex Tracker: Well, you’ve had the sex, you’ve gotten the score, it blew your mind, and reaffirmed your sexual confidence… Now what? Nipple will tell you what!

You need to record every last detail of this sexual experience in a publicly accessible document so your technique doesn’t slip into the realms of forgetfulness. How do you expect to sleep with several different babes and keep each and every one of them uniquely satisfied, if you’re getting your techniques all confused? With Nipple, you can record where your mouth went, how your hands caressed, and the movements of your pelvis on each and every special friend you’ve had the pleasure of…well…pleasuring!

With fun charts and tables to compare and track your achievements, you’ll never bring your handcuffs and whips to the wrong sex sesh again!

Lulu: And finally…Ladies, you’ve just found out your man is tracking your sexual preferences on a public platform in order to keep the orgasm requirements of all his gal pals straight, there’s only one thing to do. Download Lulu, the ‘girls only’ app that allows you to upload the bastard’s photo and name, then rate/comment on the heartbreaker until you feel strong enough to wipe the ice cream and pizza sauce of your chin, get a liberating haircut, and Instagram a night on the town with your gurlz. You can rate your guy on anything from his looks to his personality, his skills in bed to how romantic your first kiss with him was. Other girls considering dating the douche will then be well informed of his inability to commit/grow up/confess that the real reason he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend is because he’s scared of how much he loves you.

31

REVIEWS

Do your strong opinions drive away your friends? Send us an email at mcattin@aut.ac.nz to contribute to our reviews section.

Boyhood Directed by Richard Linklater Starring Ellar Coltrane, Patricia Arquette, Lorelei Linklater

In Boyhood, we follow the life of Mason Evans from the ages of six to eighteen, experiencing the trials and tribulations life throws at him and his family over those twelve years. While that plot may sound a little simple, what is unique about Boyhood is that, unlike most movies where the kid just gets replaced at some point, we watch actor Ellar Coltrane as he ages alongside his character in what must be one of the most surreal experiences ever captured on film. It is the fact we witness Ellar and his co-stars (including Patricia Arquette and Ethan Hawke as his divorced parents) age and change over the course of twelve years, (but portrayed in just under three hours), that makes Boyhood such a fascinating and engrossing movie to watch.

There is so much to love about Boyhood, and in many ways it is the perfect movie. It does not have any particular outstanding attributes – no fancy direction, simple cinematography, decent script – yet everything works so well together to create a fantastic piece of art. You could see it as twelve individual chapters taken at random from any boy’s life and put on screen, giving us a dozen different but connected sequences that are all about life and the defining and important moments in it.

Reviewed by Ethan Sills

(reluctantly and guiltily)

I do not think there ever has been, or will be a movie that tops the level of passion and commitment that was put into Boyhood. Sure, there will be people that have a desire to produce certain projects, and I know plenty of stories of people who spent years trying to get particular movies made. But the fact Boyhood was filmed over a period of twelve years shows that the people both in front and behind the camera were clearly invested in the simple story they had to tell.

Doctor Who: Deep Breath Directed by Ben Wheatley Starring: Peter Capaldi, Matt Smith, and Jenna Coleman

However, Boyhood comes so very, very, very, very close to perfection, but just misses the mark. I feel almost cruel saying this about a movie that took so long to make with so much care and thought, but I guess that serves as a bit of a trap: the story behind it adds to the movies charm, but it also significantly raises your expectations. Do not get me wrong, I definitely enjoyed this, but there were just certain elements and scenes I felt were lacking: for example, the movie should have ended a sequence earlier than it did, as they chose a very random final scene over the perfectly character-defining montage five minutes earlier.

Of all the movies I have seen this year, this is the first one I think has a serious chance at claiming Best Picture at the Oscars next February (soz Grand Budapest). It is strange to think a movie about one boy growing up could be so powerful and touching, but Boyhood is enhanced by its sheer simplicity and the uniqueness behind it, making it so much better than it could have been. Fantastic acting, and a moving and relatable story: if you see only one movie for the rest of the year, make sure it is this one.

After regenerating in last year’s Christmas special, The Doctor and Clara turn up in 19th Century London, accidentally bringing a dinosaur with them, and bump straight into the Paternoster Gang (Madame Vastra, Jenny and Strax, all three in fine form as usual). As both The Doctor and Clara struggle to accept his new face, a series of spontaneous combustions around the city draw them into familiar territory, forcing the pair to both stop a murderous robot and negotiate their altered relationship.

Having seen him in several shows in recent years, I was optimistic when Peter Capaldi was announced as Matt Smith’s replacement, and so far he has not proven me wrong. It is difficult with regeneration episodes, as it takes the whole episode for the new Doctor to work out who he is, making it difficult to judge the character on just one outing. However, I felt Capaldi did a great job conveying his Doctor’s quirks and serious side in equal measure, and by the end of the hour I was left hopeful for the rest of his tenure.

Reviewed by Ethan Sills I doubt there are very many shows out there that have seen as much change as Doctor Who. In its 51 year history, twelve lead actors have been at the helm of the TARDIS and The Doctor’s companions rarely stick around for more than a season, and that’s on top of the settings, villains and monsters that change on a weekly basis. Deep Breath is the latest in a long line of post-regeneration stories, opening the eighth season with Peter Capaldi’s first episode as the Twelfth Doctor, but despite the ideas of change running through the storyline, the characters and the audience are given little opportunity to truly move on.

Much of the episode revolved around the Doctor-Companion dynamic, giving Jenna Coleman more material to work with here than she ever had last season.

She played wonderfully off Capaldi, and I hope that Clara continues to play a bigger role in the storylines. I was not a fan of the story itself, as they poorly reused one of Ten’s villains in an episode dotted with references to Eleven, rather than giving Twelve any chance to make things his own. The only true idea at the storylines ahead came from the intriguing final scene, which has me cautiously optimistic for how it will play out.

Deep Breath would have been fine if it was any other episode, but this was a double whammy season opener/first Doctor episode: it needed to be great, it needed to really showcase the new Doctor, but instead it was overly long and failed to achieve much. I am optimistic though, and as long as Twelve is given a chance to move on from his predecessor (I am sure some loved it, but that cameo from Eleven wildly frustrated me), I think he will give the aging show the boost it desperately needs.

Monty Python Live! (Mostly) Directed by Eric Idle Starring: Graham Chapman, John Cleese, and Carol Cleveland

musical numbers. With a wide selection of material to choose from, they managed to make some pretty good choices: sketches featured include Dead Parrot, the Australian Philosophers, the Spanish Inquisition and Penguin on the Television, while Eric Idle led renditions of such songs as I Like Chinese and Every Sperm is Sacred.

For the most part, this was a very enjoyable two and a half hours. The remaining Pythons (John Cleese, Eric Idle, Michael Palin, Terry Jones and Terry Gilliam – though the departed Graham Chapman still featured in other ways) were in fine form and seemed to be enjoying themselves. All are clearly a bit older, and Cleese and Idle got the most attention, but they were all as funny as they use to be, perhaps even more with the breaking character and side jokes they slipped in.

Reviewed by Ethan Sills Thirty years after the group last performed together, the five surviving members of classic British comedy troupe, Monty Python, reunited last month for a series of final performances. To highlight the demand there was for this, the first show sold out in 45 seconds, which is not too bad for five sixty-plus year old men.

And through the magic of technology, the final show was broadcast live into cinemas around the world. As a lover of their movies and the sketches I have seen, I went along to catch their swan song and was not disappointed.

Monty Python Live! brings the groups most popular sketches brought to the big stage, interspersed with videos from the original show and a number of

Calvary Directed by John Michael McDonagh Starring Brendan Gleeson, Chris O’Dowd, Kelly Reilly

I guess the one thing that did bother me was the fact I have not seen a lot of Python sketches, yet I was familiar with about 50 – 60 percent of what was featured. I understand it is meant to be a final farewell and a last chance for people to see the sketches performed live, but it was generally the newer material and side jokes, such as the personal jibes at each other, that had me laughing more than what I had already seen. The musical numbers overshadowed the performers themselves in parts, but they were a lot of fun and had some of the better costumes and sets attached (including two metre high penis-shaped cannons, if that floats your boat).

It may not be as funny for people unfamiliar with the group, and if you prefer your jokes on the conservative side it is best you stay clear (the aforementioned cannons featured in a ballad about how great penises and vaginas are). However, Monty Python is timeless and witty enough that any open mind could be amused, and for fans of the show and movies there will be plenty of fond memories here, even if it falls a bit short of perfection. I may not be an original fan, but to me it seemed like an excellent way to say farewell – or, as they put it: piss off.

abuse the would-be-murderer suffered at the hands of a priest as a child.

Given a week to live, James is left to contemplate the threat and life itself, while tending to the issues of his faithless parishioners who would sooner belittle him than take his advice. James’ problems are not helped by the arrival of his daughter and the strains in their relationship, which adds to his confusion.

Firstly, Calvary is an excellent advertisement for Ireland as a holiday destination. The cinematography and direction was simply astounding, and I spent much of the movie marvelling at how beautiful the region was.

Reviewed by Ethan Sills I think it is fair to say, no matter what your spiritual beliefs are, that religion has gotten some pretty bad press lately. The biggest institution to take a hit has been the Catholic Church, rocked by decades of sex abuse allegations that have permanently damaged its reputation. I, myself, am not religious, but the plot of Calvary sounds appealing enough on a $5 Wednesday down at the Academy. What emerged 100 minutes later was a very startling and thought provoking movie that, while focussing on one man and one small town, manages to look at both sides of this damaging scandal. It examines the impact it has had on the victims, the wider consequences for the Catholic Church and ultimately, faith itself.

Brendan Gleeson stars as Father James, a priest in a small Irish town, who is told during confession that he will be killed as revenge for the repeated child

Turning to the plot, Calvary had a rather simple story to tell that the director/writer John Michael McDonagh executed brilliantly. Though I took a while to get used to the bleakness of the plot (I went in thinking it was a black comedy, a thought quickly proven wrong), a powerful and moving tale began to shine through. Brendan Gleeson was outstanding in the lead role, showing a fantastic range of emotion as James struggles to maintain his faith in light of so many obstacles. Calvary, as I said above, also tackles a plethora of wider issues, presenting a number of different views on religion and highlighting the various effects the sex scandals have had on the reputation of the church, managing to make you sympathize with both sides of the issue.

Not everything worked; I thought the revelation of James’ threatener was a bit random and had not been played properly earlier in the movie, and there were perhaps a few too many characters. However, spearheaded

by Gleeson’s amazing performance and aided by the talented supporting cast and beautiful direction, Calvary made for one of the more thought provoking movies I have seen for a while. It is topical and controversial issue that was handled with the upmost care, and I was surprised by how much I was made to feel sorry for Father James. If you don’t mind a fairly depressing storyline, then this is a movie well worth seeing.

33

SIN CITY: A DAME TO KILL FOR is coming to cinemas September 18, and Roadshow Films and Debate are giving you the chance WIN one of 20 double passes.

Synopsis Weaving together two of Frank Miller's classic stories with new tales, the town's most hard boiled citizens cross paths with some of its more notorious inhabitants in SIN CITY: A DAME TO KILL FOR. In Cinemas September 18 R16: CONTAINS GRAPHIC VIOLENCE AND SEX SCENES. Š 2014 ICON FILM DISTRIBUTION. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Want to win a double pass ticket for SIN CITY: A DAME TO KILL FOR? Entering is easy! All you need to do is send debate an email telling us why you'd like to go and see SIN CITY: A DAME TO KILL FOR. Email Matthew at matthew.cattin@aut.ac.nz and you might just nab yourself a free double pass ticket!

EXPORT 1.4ltr SUPER JUGS from 12pm

TUI 1.4ltr SUPER JUGS from 12pm

WOODY WEDNESDAY from 12pm *CONDITIONS APPLY

EXPORT EXTRA COLD 1.8ltr JUGS from 12pm *CONDITIONS APPLY

TGIF! TUI LAGER 1.8ltr JUGS

from 12pm - heaps of other specials at the bar!

35

www.vesbar.co.nz

www.facebook.com/vesbar

CK UN LA IV N ERS D ST ITY O O RE F O N LY

A U

Stocktake Clearance 1000’s of items

ALL 90% Off

Discount based on RRP / List Price

Books that were $100 now $10!

DO NOT MISS OUT For a limited time on selected stock only AUT City Campus 55 Wellesley Street East, Auckland City Tel: 366 4550 Fax: 366 4570 Email: aut.city@ubsbooks.co.nz AUT North Campus 90 Akoranga Drive, Northcote Tel: 489 6105 Fax: 489 7453 Email: aut.akoranga@ubsbooks.co.nz

Web: www.ubsbooks.co.nz Open Monday to Friday or shop securely online 24/7