LIFESTYLE AUTHOR
Emily Effren
YOUR SMARTPHONE VS. YOUR RELATIONSHIP n They are our main source of communication, entertainment, planning and more — but could it cause technoference in your relationship?
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martphones accompany everyone, everywhere, all the time — to the gym, to work, to happy hour, while we’re eating and even to bed. For many, it’s the first thing one sees when they wake up, and the last thing they see before going to sleep. If you’ve ever felt a feeling of dread or regret after receiving a screen time notification, describing (in painful detail) how much time each day in the last week you spent on your phone, you’re not alone. Smartphones now double as our alarm clocks, calendars, calculators, weather forecasters, maps and more — and they’re used as the primary medium of communication for billions of people — so it’s no wonder they’re soaking up so much of our lives. Daniel Brake, a local licensed marriage and family therapist, practices couples therapy using The Gottman Method, which is based on observing and identifying patterns of behavior within a relationship. Brake, says smartphones aren’t usually the source of issues within a relationship, but rather that one party is attempting to have their needs met while the other party is distracted or not listening. These attempts are considered a paired set of behaviors called “bids” and “turns,” Brake says. A bid, according to The Gottman Institute, is any kind of attempt from one partner to another, with the objective of attaining attention, affirmation or affection. “Bids and turns are a huge deal, and the thing with them is that they’re very subtle behaviors,” Brake explains. “If I’m saying something like,
FEBRUARY 2021
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