LET YOUR WISHES BE KNOWN

Don’t let your discomfort in talking about death becomes another person’s burden. Tell the important people in your life what you want – and don’t want. One of the challenges our families or our decision-makers have to bear when we can no longer communicate our end-of-life wishes or when we’ve died, is the absence of these conversations.

So, share what you have done to prepare. Show your loved ones where all your documents are stored and how to access them (passwords, filing cabinet keys etc). Otherwise, all the good work you’ve done in preparing for your end-of-life will have gone to waste.

Tell your family why some life-limiting treatments are acceptable or not acceptable. Talk about what you want your funeral to look like. Are there any rituals or ceremonies that you would like to experience before you die, like a living wake (you can learn more about what these are here: willed.com.au/ guides/living-wake), or your favourite songs being played while you’re dying.

Talk about what you want to happen after you die – do you want a flame or water cremation (also known as alkaline hydrolysis), a traditional burial or a natural burial (being buried without a coffin)?

What music do you want played at your funeral? Or would you prefer silence? I have created a list of my favourite songs on Spotify which I’ve called “Living Wake”. My partner knows these songs are important to me and that they can be played softly and intermittently as I am dying, or at an informal gathering of family and friends after I die.

Create The Right Setting To Talk

One of the best ways to make talking about death and dying more open and relaxed is over drink and food, which will help the conversation to flow.

This is the concept that the late Jon Underwood hit on in 2011 when he set up what has become the international social franchise called Death Cafe (deathcafe.com) – described as a place where “people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death”.

Having run many of these discussions – both in person and virtually – I have found that strangers become uniquely “connected” when they are provided with the opportunity to talk about their experiences, to ask their questions, or to just listen and learn from others. These gatherings are free and have no agenda (the topic is always around death, dying, grief and loss) and they promote a more comfortable, death-literate society.

You can use the same concept to talk about these issues with the important people in your life in the comfort of your own home. So have the conversations and take control of your life – and death – and all things in between. It’s a gift to yourself. And to those you love. ACG

Jacqui Williams is the founder of End of Life Transitions, endoflifetransitions.com.au. She is an end-of-life doula, funeral celebrant and Death Cafe facilitator. Contact her at jacqui@endoflifetransitions.com.au or on 0402 496 360.

Antioxidant Power

You read a lot about how important antioxidants are. What are some of the best antioxidant-rich foods I should be trying to incorporate into my elderly parents’ diet?

When oxygen is metabolised in our bodies, it creates unstable molecules called “free radicals”. We can cope with some of these and, in fact, the body needs them to function. But over time, too many free radicals can lead to a whole host of health problems, from increased risk of coronary heart disease, acceleration of ageing, deterioration of the lens in our eyes, arthritis, and damage to nerve cells in the brain, which can contribute to diseases such as Alzheimer’s.

And that’s where antioxidants come in: they may prevent some of the damage caused by free radicals by neutralising them. They come in two varieties: nutrient antioxidants (vitamins A, C and E, and copper, zinc and selenium); and non-nutrient antioxidants, which are the phytochemicals found in plants.

So, it makes absolute sense to incorporate them in your parents’ diet. Better Health Victoria suggests these sources: allium sulphur compounds – leeks, onions and garlic anthocyanins – eggplant, grapes and berries beta-carotene – pumpkin, mangoes, apricots, carrots, spinach and parsley catechins – red wine and tea copper – seafood, lean meat, milk and nuts cryptoxanthins – red capsicum, pumpkin and mangoes flavonoids – tea, green tea, citrus fruits, red wine, onion, apples indoles – cruciferous vegetables such as broccoli, cabbage and cauliflower isoflavonoids – soybeans, tofu, lentils, peas and milk lignans – sesame seeds, bran, whole grains and vegetables lutein – green, leafy vegetables like spinach, and corn lycopene – tomatoes, apricots, pink grapefruit and watermelon manganese – seafood, lean meat, milk and nuts polyphenols – herbs selenium – seafood, offal, lean meat and whole grains vitamin A – liver, sweet potatoes, carrots, milk and egg yolks vitamin C – oranges, blackcurrants, kiwifruit, mangoes, broccoli, spinach, capsicum and strawberries vitamin E – vegetable oils (such as wheatgerm oil), avocados, nuts, seeds and whole grains zinc – seafood, lean meat, milk and nuts zoochemicals – red meat, offal and fish. Also derived from the plants that animals eat.

Before The Fall

Where can I go to get advice about preventing falls?

If you’re a carer for an older loved one, no doubt you will be concerned about falls.

Falls are Australia’s number-one cause of injury hospitalisation and death, and are much more common in older people. In 2020-21, 243,000 people were hospitalised after a fall. Fortunately, there is help available. Active Ageing Australia – a not-for-profit group working to improve the physical health of older people – offers an online learning module, which will help you to understand more about falls and how to prevent them.

The module covers: why falls matter and the impact of a fall on a person; the risk factors which contribute to falls; how to screen for falls risk; the intrinsic (personal) and extrinsic (environmental) factors which can cause falls and how to manage these; as well as how to deal with a fall.

Each module takes about 20 minutes to complete and there are five modules. They feature interactive activities and quizzes to help with your understanding and learning, and you don’t have to complete it all in one sitting.

Cost is $14.95. More details here: learn. activeageing. org.au/modules/ introduction-tofalls-prevention.

Breaking The Silence

It’s not something that gets talked about very much, but incontinence is something carers of those with dementia deal with every day. Are there any resources out there that could help?

The National Ageing Research Institute (NARI) offers this advice… Incontinence is a highly distressing and stigmatising condition that affects many people living with dementia. Up to 38 per cent of people with a diagnosis of dementia experience incontinence of urine and up to 27 per cent experience faecal incontinence. The highly personal and sensitive nature of incontinence makes the task of caring for anyone with incontinence challenging, particularly if the person with dementia does not understand or appreciate the nature of the care.

With the input of people living with dementia, carers and health professionals, NARI has developed a free online course called Caregiving, Dementia and Incontinence. It aims to provide family and professional carers with the knowledge, skills and resources to cope with all aspects of managing incontinence. The five-week course covers topics such as the basics of bowel and bladder function, and using continence aids and incontinence products and protecting the skin. The course will run throughout 2023 and users can opt in at any time. Learn more here: nari.net. au/Event/caregiving-dementia-incontinence-open-online-course.