SAM’S EXPERIENCE

Saying no has enabled Sam to fulfill her carer role without feeling like she’s on the battleground.

Sam and her husband moved in with her parents six years ago after her mum had a hip replacement. While Sam initially took on many of the daily tasks for her parents, this tapered off as her mum got back on her feet.

Then, in early 2022, Sam’s mum was hospitalised for two weeks. Sam has now taken over most of the household chores for her parents and provides intimate care for her mum.

After some trial and error, Sam found that approaching her intimate care responsibilities as though she’s in a paid caring role allows her to cope with the emotion of the situation and to be firmer with her mum than she might otherwise be. “Now when I say, ‘No, we need to do this now,’ Mum knows it’s a job that needs to be done. She doesn’t start arguing like she used to. We just get on and get it done together.”

“It can also reduce the number of small opportunities where your parent is still safe to exercise their independence.”

How do you go about putting healthy boundaries in place? Here are five suggestions.