NEVER WASTE TEARS

The Civil War took a heavy toll on people’s bodies and souls, often leaving deep scars that affected generations. New loves and new dreams were possible for some, while others never recovered from their wounds.

Rebecca Louise (Martin) Carter born on September 9, 1851

Nathan Jerome Carter born on April 12, 1848

Chapter 1 Rebecca’s Diary…

April 12, 1861— People were standing together and talking in the streets outside our house today. I asked Mother what was happening and she told me, “Nothing.” But I heard her and Father talking later in very quiet voices. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Father’s voice sounded worried. I shall ask Mother again tomorrow.

** Nathan…

The first time my father called me a man was the day I turned thirteen. But it was not because of my birthday that he suddenly thought of me that way.

My father owned Carter’s General Store in Eaton,Ohio. All of our family was expected to do our share in the running of the store. Even Mother worked there most days.

Shortly after noon on that day, April 12, 1861, Mother sent me outside with a broom to sweep in front of the store. I don’t recall where Father was at the time, but he wasn’t in the store. Mother had told William and Emil to mind things as she went upstairs to our living quarters to bake some gingerbread for the occasion of my birthday.

other was an excellent baker and made the finest of cakes. Gingerbread was my favorite. As I was sweeping the boards out front, I was thinking on supper and how pleased my senses would be with that gingerbread. With my mind on eating and sweeping, I didn’t pay heed to much else, until Mother opened the window above the store and got my attention. “Nathan, see if you can find out what all that ruckus is about,” she yelled down at me. That’s when I saw an assembly of people standing together down the street. I leaned the broom against the side of the building and ran over to where everyone was standing. I sidled up close and tried to listen in. Women were shaking their heads and whispering in fearful tones. Men were raising their voices, but I only caught a word here and there. I felt something of great significance was happening and although I didn’t put the words together to make sense of them, I got goose bumps on my skin. I looked back towards the store and saw Mother still standing at the open window. I ran back, looked up at her, and repeated some of the words. “They were saying things like… Fort Sumter—shots fired—Lincoln — secession—declared—troops.” The look on Mother’s face made the goose bumps come back. I was about to ask her what it all meant when she turned and closed the window. William and Emil were standing in the doorway listening to what I had said. They both took off lickety-split to join the crowd. I just stood there, not knowing what to do. ** At the supper table there was no mention of my birthday, even when Mother brought out the gingerbread. I was one to always be hungry, but that night I got this big lump in my stomach. Even the gingerbread tasted off. At first Father kept talking about how wrong the secession was and that President Lincoln had no choice but to declare war. But it was when he stopped talking and got all quiet that I felt a change happening. Finally Emil broke the silence. “We have to fight for our country,” he declared. He looked at William.

“We have to fight for what’s right,” William said, while nodding his agreement. I wanted to fight too. I wanted to be right there alongside my brothers. I was about to say as much when Father spoke. “It won’t last long, Mother. The Confederacy is ill-equipped to fight for long,” His voice was calm and determined. “We will all do our part, including me.” His eyes looked at me and then at Mother. “Nathan, when your brothers leave you will be the man of the house. I expect you to mind your mother and help her run the store.” He waited while we all soaked up what he had said. Then he added, “I’ll leave in the morning.”