You are not alone The little book of autism wisdom for parents
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We asked our Facebook followers... “If you could go back in time to when you first got a diagnosis of autism, for yourself or your child, what would you say?” Here’s what they said....
Stay calm, keep positive, understanding autism and supporting your child makes you stronger. Wendy
Be patient - for your child and the public - you definitely need a tough skin! Be your child’s voice and educate the people around him/her. Celebrate their unique quirks and learn from them. And again, be patient!! Dianne
Find out more, fight for what your child needs and love them whatever! Join the support groups. I did and now my son is 14, in the middle of his GCSEs and growing into a lovely young man :) Ruth
Educate ignorant people. Carry on fighting. Support your other half. Just keep on loving your child! Kerry
Hold your head high, be proud of what your child can do, not what they can’t! Helen
Never give up... you know your child better than anyone.... Fight! Fight! Fight! Gina
The main thing I have learnt is to be patient. That’s not with my child but the general public. Don’t let people upset you or try to tell you what to do. Jane
Never give up on what you believe, you know your child. Listen to people’s advice, you don’t always have to take it but people are there for you. Alison
Don’t despair - adjust your views on life - autism makes you appreciate each piece in the puzzle rather than looking at the full picture. Don’t let anyone make you or your child feel less able to succeed in life. Julie
Fight more for what you believe is better for your child instead of letting other people tell you what’s best. Tracy
Educate yourself and those around you as much as possible about autism. You know your child best! Annette
Don’t be in denial. Salma
Make sure you go through the grieving process. When you have a child you have lots of dreams for that child. When you find out things aren’t exactly as you thought it’s not the end it’s just different. My son is 14 now. I wouldn’t have him any other way. I’ve learnt a lot as he has grown. Jane
Each day is an obstacle, just go with the flow. And stop beating yourself up! Jewel
Be optimistic and believe they can achieve anything they want to. My son is nearly 20 now and was written off by just about everybody. He now has GCSEs, works full time, has a girlfriend and a busy social life. Lisa
Expect drama and tears but so many happy times too! I wouldn’t change my daughter for the world... just the naive judgements of small minded people. She has been awarded the school trophy for outstanding achievement as she went away from home to camp for the first time
ever and managed so well and tried all the activities. I am immensely proud of her overcoming so much. We have a way to go but all of our children will achieve their goals with the love and support of family and friends.
Louise
Do what your instinct tells you. Grieve and move on. Never let others run you down, because every house has its cross.....ours is autism. Which has been life changing...for the bad, but mostly for the good. Mariska
Take a deep breath and take it all as it comes. Our kids are all different and amazing! Ann
I feel we all are connected through autism. I have turned a corner in my outlook now and look past the disability and see my beautiful loving son who has unbelievable qualities.
Lorraine
My son is 20 now and yes he has his good days and bad but don’t lose faith. They all are amazing people with so much to give in their own little way... My son is amazing with all his little moods and I would not change one thing about him. Jax
I have learnt now that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am coming out on top with my lad. I take the rough with the smooth! Jayne
I would say to my younger self,“Your diagnosis is not a label for *you*, it’s a label *others* need to identify what makes you different. Once they have a label, they will put things in place to help you. You’re going to be all right.” Will
I think you have to develop a tough skin as autism can be an invisible disablity to others. There are a lot of judgemental people out there, you will know who your friends are when they stick by you..... keep these special friends, you need encouragement not critisism. Offload when you can to the right people and keep
healthy and happy. My son is so rewarding, he has achieved so much more than we ever thought possible.....there are so many things that you do to get your child to reach their full potential, so as soon as that diagnosis crops up, or even before find the ways that your child may learn......it’s tough but it’s worth it big time!!! Naomi
Don’t sweat the small stuff!!! ...and don’t rise to the bait of the ignorant and judgemental!!! Nikki
Never be embarrassed of your child and don’t be afraid to answer questions from others! Salma
Fight more to get the answer sooner! Get your family more involved so they really understand what autism is and that they aren’t just naughty. Nicola
Be proud to explain to the public when they stare at you child with odd behaviour that they have autism. Linda
Accept it! (I’m still getting there). Don’t keep trying to change him or chastise him for not being ‘normal’ (ashamed to say I’ve done that) - this is the new normal just roll with it! Remember however difficult I’m finding it he’s
finding it more so. I can’t expect or insist he learns to speak my language I have to learn to speak his....the journey’s long but sometimes the views are fantastic!
Emma
Don’t give up... the tears of shock and upset when you first get that diagnosis turn into tears of pride and joy when your child takes massive steps that other parents take for granted. Arm yourself with knowledge and spread awareness through friends and family. Sarah
Don’t cry over stupid nasty ignorance from those near and far... even with what we have been through all these years I am exceedingly proud of all my children. They may not be society’s idea of perfection but I know how hard it is for them and I’m proud of each thing they try. Shohna
Moving your child from mainstream school to special DOES NOT mean that your child has failed NOR does it mean you will make him more disabled! Both were misguided advice we received from people we trusted! Best move we made for our son - he is now an independent & confident teenager! Paula
It’s not your fault! Michelle
Nothing is ever set in stone! When my little boy was first diagnosed he was very violent and couldn’t express himself other than through hitting and screaming.....now he’s a little chatterbox and has calmed down! I just hold that same hope because my other son has the diagnosis! Sarah
Be more patient, understanding, and even though you don’t like what you see put all that aside and educate yourself,‘cause thats the only way you can tune into your child and understand how they see the world. Tracie
Close your ears when the specialists say things like ‘You realise she may always live with you / never have friends / never drive a car / never get married / never go to college / never do any of the ‘normal’ things that most parents expect their children to do.’ They may be trying to ‘prepare’ you... but they don’t realise how saying
things like this can take all hope away and plunge parents into the depths of despair and worry. My daughter continues to amaze me every day, and I am convinced that with the right support she is capable of anything. So in short, don’t let them take your hopes and dreams for your child away!! Emma
Realise that she is still your daughter despite this ‘label’ placed on her and understand how autism/aspergers affects HER. We are almost a year on from our diagnosis and I can honestly say it’s only now I’m not grieving. Love your child and love yourself and be their advocate in everything they do: YOU alone know what is best for your child. Vicki
Comments and stares and ignorance would make me cringe for my little boy but now I think “My son has autism. Autism hasn’t got my son”. Laura
Be very proud of yourself, for all the hard work and dedication you put in to raise your child. If something works for you and your child go with it, believe in yourself. Special children have special parents! Denise
Take a deep breath before reacting! Fight one battle at a time! Work as a team - conflict creates confusion! Find out about how autism affects YOUR child! Find ways to recharge your batteries! Behaviour is ALWAYS communication! Talk to positive supportive people! Be proud! Paula
You are not alone. Penny
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