Bound to be Damned by Autumn Rose Frantz

BOUND TO BE DAMNED

Ten Stories Bound Together by Fate Designed by Autumn Frantz

Contents

Libby Connolly

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Miekala Cangelosi

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Brian Wissley

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Lori Fredrickson

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Danielle Dutile

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Shelley Blair

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Claire Paulsen

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Autumn Frantz

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RJ Condon

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Justin Carey

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Fate: the development of events beyond a personâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power

believe that every living experience owes its richness to “hushed reverberations.” Hushed reverberations are what I know as farmiliar flowers, well-remembered bird notes, the sky with its fitful brightness, tall grassy fields, each with a sort of personality given to them. Hushed reverberations are the building blocks of my imagination, the fleeting hours of my childhood left behind me. I believe my delight in the sunshine on the deepbladed grass is what keeps me young at heart. I remember the days when I used to run around in the hot sunshine. My brothers and I would walk barefoot on the freshly mowed grass, still dewey from the night before. The sprinkler would wave high in the air, back and forth, as we’d jump through it. I remember tumbling down hills as fast as we could. Once I reached the bottom I would stop and lay belly up. Nothing felt as good as the sun’s warm rays on my forearms and face.

I flash forward to myself laying in what feels like that same dewey grass. This time I’m laying side by side looking into the eyes of someone I love. I think to myself, “I feel like a kid again” as I look up to the night time sky. It is memories like these that I believe resonate with me most. I look to the past for inspiration. I feel I’m at my best when I’m outside with the people I love. I find myself longing for more days like these because I believe it is what keeps me motivated. If it were not for the sunshine and grass of far-off years, which still live inside me, I believe my experiences today would be only half as fulfilling. It is hushed reverberations that allows us to transform our perception into love. Referenced from George Eliot in “The Mill on the Floss”

Libby Connolly

believe in surrounding yourself with that which you find most beautiful. By doing this, we learn more about ourselves and become happier. Not only can we do this in our immediate surroundings, but also in our daily lives. What we surround ourselves with usually reflects what stimulates our minds and our hearts. It wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t until my senior year of high school, after I finally discovered my creative passion in graphic design, that I started surrounding myself with things I found beautiful. I started taking the time to learn what really inspired me. I explored these interests and discovered what exactly about them made me happy. A lot of what I found were small things, things I would normally take for granted. I now pay close attention to the colors and the composition when arranging a bouquet for a customer at work or when I make a meal for my friends around my dinner table. The warmth of stringed lights makes me feel comfortable and at home anywhere so I cover my home and workspace with them. The designs on old pocket matches have always intrigued me with their simple color combinations and the vintage lettering so I started collecting them. Some changes were more drastic like the people I choose to surround myself with, whether they were toxic or whether they were helping me grow into a better person. I even started dressing in lots contrasting materials, patterns, and colors in relation to the art Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m attracted to and the art I create. You can learn a lot about a person just by visiting their home. For example, I look at how many books a person has in public areas, their music collection, how they choose to decorate, the color of their walls, whether they keep

it messy or clean, or what their house smells like. I love seeing what others choose to dwell in and feel myself become enveloped in their unique magic. Because I continuously take the time to discover and recognize exactly what I find beautiful and include those things into my daily environment, I’m an overall happier and more fulfilled person. I’m using all of my senses to celebrate this beauty on a daily basis. I’ve learned more about myself and who I am creatively. I believe it is important and fundamental to one’s mental state. I believe it can help a person figure out who they are, and improve one’s life in simple but drastic ways. I can say I live a beautiful life because I’ve discovered what exactly makes up my own unique magic and I envelop myself in it. Miekala Cangelosi

believe that friendships are worth a considerable amount of investment. Friendship is a powerful thing. When invested in, it is an incredibly rewarding asset. No, I don’t mean “investment” in a technical, financial sense. It serves as a metaphor for the devotion of an individual’s personal time and attention. A good example of this would be taking the time out of your day to help your friend move. That would be considered investing in that friendship. I’ve known my buddy, Kevin, for a long time. So long, in fact, that neither of us can remember when we first met. My friendship with him is handsdown the strongest one that I have, and I am convinced that it is the result of our continued investment in each other. Our investments have taken different shapes over the years. They have ranged from riding bikes around his neighborhood when we were younger, to meeting up for a beer or two as adults. Even when we hit a rough patch in our friendship, we still made the effort to invest. I can remember giving each other many awkwardly-quiet car rides during this period. It was hard to do, but we did it. So why is a friendship that has been heavily invested in so beneficial? I think that a friendship with a large amount of investment put into it creates a stronger bond between the two parties involved. If the friendship can withstand years of investments – good and bad, fun and not-so-fun – the odds are that it has the strength to withstand just about anything that gets thrown at it. I think that it is important to have something that strong, especially in my moments of weakness. Having something that strong gives me the confidence that I have a crutch to lean on during these moments. With all the change that I have faced in my personal life the past couple years, I have certainly needed to lean on a crutch for support on multiple occasions. My friendship with Kevin has been that crutch, mainly because it is strong enough for me to lean on it. He has been someone I can rely on to vent to, distract me, or confide in with trust. To me, that is a very rewarding thing. That is why I believe relationships are worth a considerable amount of investment. Brian Wissley

believe energy moves the universe and everything in it and that, as people, we can focus this energy in any way we choose. I believe that our mindfulness of the energies in and around us is what gives us the power to control and focus them. Every living thing emits energy at all times be it positive, negative or neutral in nature. Energy is emotion, expression, body language, and posture. You feel a personâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s energy in the way they shake your hand or how they walk into the room. Energy is what inspires love, fuels hatred, broods depression and sparks excitement. Consciously or not, we are all affected by the energy those around us put out, but we also have the power to influence the energy of others by being mindful of our own. When I was a teenager, I had more negative energy and emotion than I knew what to do with. Unfortunately, most of my negative energy found itself directed at my brother, my parents, and myself. It was my desire to be healthy-- in mind, body and spirit-- that ultimately helped to teach me the patience to reconsider the energies I put out toward everyone in my life. I was overweight starting in about fifth grade and it only got worse as I made my way through high school. I lived a fairly sedentary life, ate mostly junk food and sugar, and drank enough caffeine to develop an addiction that demanded to be satisfied no less than four times a day. I developed knee problems, back problems and a pinched sciatic nerve. I hated myself for causing all of this misery and illness with my inability to control my diet. I was depressed and I was experiencing negative energy and rather than redirect it toward a constructive solution, I was lashing out at others and forcing it back into myself by way of Doritos, Mountain Dew and ice cream.

At nineteen, a light switch went off in my head and I decided that I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired all of the time. I made some difficult decisions that were to change my life and my health dramatically over the next six years. I completely rethought my diet and changed my entire lifestyle to match. I even developed a new way to deal with my negative emotions. Rather than eating junk when I get a burst of negative energy, I go to the gym and work out. Burning calories not only builds the body up with happy-making endorphins but it also wears me out physically until I have no energy left to feel depressed. Instead, I find my depression replaced with a sense of pride in my ability to choose exercise over junk food and in my persistence in finishing the dayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s workout. With all of these changes, I was able to completely eliminate my back and knee problems in addition to losing over one hundred pounds! It may be a mixture of positive and negative energies that build within us naturally but I believe that humans have the capability to focus any energy toward a positive outcome every time. I am living proof that a person can change their attitude and experience happiness. Lori Fredrickson

remember as a child hearing my mother say, “Things come in three’s.” Of course, as a kid, I had no idea what this meant. I was told that my great aunt had passed and that my uncle was in the hospital, but these things meant little to a naive young child. While my mother, knowing that these two unfortunate circumstances had happened relatively close to one another, found herself preparing for the next wave of bad news. Why, because things come in three’s. As I’ve grown older I’ve realized this pattern in life. Some may call it life’s ups and downs. Which to some extent is completely true, but my mother and I seem to have it down to science, a science of three that is. Here’s an example; sadly, it is not a happy story. It was December of ��, my first year at college, when suddenly a fire broke out in my bedroom at home. My parents work long hours and I was hundreds of miles away at school. Therefore, no one was home but my dogs. The fire burned in the basement for hours and hours until my step-dad came home from work. He opened the front door only to find a wall of smoke. The smoke damage caused us to loose nearly ��% of our home, including my room. I spent all of Christmas break helping my mom throw out blankets, pillows, clothes, even her favorite Winnie the Pooh Bear. Everything was covered in a layer of toxic smoke. That was number one. When I returned to school in January my parents informed me that my dog had to be given away due to the fact that my parents couldn’t care for her, especially while living in someone else’s home. Then the following month I had a terrible breakup with my boyfriend of three years. I knew it was coming, because that was number �. Today, two years later, everything has worked its self out. My parents rebuilt our entire home, except for the exterior walls, into one of the most beautiful homes I have ever seen. I also still have my �-year-old dog, Maddy, who is the best dog in the world, and I’ve realized being single isn’t so bad after all. So that’s my story and that’s why I believe in patterns in life. Danielle Dutile

wallowing the bitter words that surface to my mind during a fight with my best friend is anything but easy. I have learned while growing older that words are so powerful they are sometimes stronger left unsaid. I have come to the reality that the words I use every day whether it be in text, email, social media or a discussion I have with a classmate is whom I am. It is whom everyone will see me as. It is me. I believe words should be used carefully with the acknowledgments of the potential outcomes. The soul of a person shows through their actions and words. Many say that words cannot hurt you but I feel as if they can. I speak to everyone at the same level of respect and intelligence. In fourth grade there was a girl named Kim, she followed me and my best friend everywhere. However, every time we would try to include her she was very mean and made fun of us. One day at recess, instead of being harassed by her, I yelled “Go away Kim, nobody likes you.” She proceeded to cry and told the teacher. I knew right after the words left my mouth I regretted them and I felt bad. I didn’t want her to cry, I just wanted her to leave us alone. After the three of us were sent to peer tutoring, I told myself I would never let that happen again. I am sure Kim to this day doesn’t remember it, but I do and I still kind of feel bad. I shouldn’t have treated her that way regardless of how she treated me; I shouldn’t have sunk to that level. I am just bones and skins, no matter what car I drive, where I live or house I own. Not only does every thought I verbalize have to pass through filters

before spilling out of my mouth, but the meaning behind each thought should as well. Will this help someone? Will it benefit me? Do I really believe in this? I mean, yes, sometimes words and phrases do escape without going through this process but I do usually end up regretting them. I believe speaking my mind is a very important part about being human. In fact, it is what separates us as humans. Speaking my mind, however, is just not words itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s communication. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the communication I have with others and myself. I take this for granted sometimes. I try to see it as a gift more than a right. No one should have the right to say hurtful, cruel words to feel powerful or to end an already nasty fight. I feel privileged to the fact I can stop fights with my words, or lack of words. I can even make someone smile with proper use of this human communication. My words and thoughts are what get me through the day. I want to live as if the words I use as are what I need to get through the day. If every word counts, I want to make sure I am using them to their full potential. Shelley Blair

believe being happy is something to take advantage of everyday and cherish. There was a time not too long ago that shook my usual optimistic outlook and happiness. My deep inner strength seemed to have turned to glass that could break at any time. The build up of living in a dorm, events and activities on campus, and creating art made everything sound fun and exciting. I thought when I went to school I would be the happy me all the time but what I ended up feeling was lost, depressed, and frustrated. I found myself working so hard to meet my perfectionist standards that I did not have the energy to participate in school activities therefore making myself completely overwhelmed and stressed all the time. I started to second guess whether I wanted to do art for a living and I questioned whether being away from home was the right choice for me. I felt like a very different person and did not like who I was becoming. I needed to create my own image of what I wanted to be as a college art student and not try to fit into a built up view that was not me. I realized how important this was to me feeling grounded and having a positive sense of well-being. Being a person who keeps her feelings private was not helping me. Not knowing who to turn to or what to do, I dug deep and found the courage to speak up to one person about my sadness. They shared their similar experiences and I realized I was not alone; this gave me the confidence to open up to others. I believe that sharing happiness as well as sadness brings people closer together. Giving up the image I had built of what I should do, or what I should be in college gave room for what I wanted to do. I learned I had to figure out my own steps to being happy and not follow someone elseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s. I believe having lived through this stressful time gave me the insight to see the value of the happier times. I believe sharing the sad can open up a crack of light so that the hard times are not so dark. I believe in cherishing the happy times with friends and family and saving the positive feelings to help when tough times come. Claire Paulson

believe struggle is nature’s way of strengthening. Without struggles in life, I would not be as strong as I am now. I was in a terrible car accident in January of ��. I was coming home on a rainy Thursday evening, and decided to take a different way home than usual. Normally I would take Route �� into Northampton, but on this particular night I decided to take a back road. So there I was, completely stopped waiting to make a left turn by the brickyard. As I thought to myself how extremely long this was taking, I noticed headlights in my rearview mirror. There was oncoming traffic so I couldn’t go. This is when everything went into slow motion. I grasped the steering wheel with both hands as the headlights showed no sign of slowing down. All I could think to myself, “Don’t hit your head, don’t hit your head”. After the impact, all I wanted to do was cry but I knew I had to stay strong. I immediately called my parents at home to tell them to come to me as quickly as possible. I saw the other driver standing behind my car. He was a large, older man. When I got out to speak to him, I could smell the overwhelming stench of alcohol. I still remember this evening like it was yesterday. I was in shock and didn’t feel the agonizing pain until I woke up the next morning. A few weeks passed and I’m still in a lot of pain. By this point, I have visited the emergency room several times and all the doctors tell me the same thing “Nothing is wrong with you”, but I knew something wasn’t right. One night I decided to take a hot bath to relax my tense muscles. A few minutes pass and my left hand goes numb, something is definitely not right. We go to my family doctor, personally someone I do not like, and he tells me to “Get over my pain and drink gatorade”. By this point, my mother and I are extremely frustrated. She manages to get me an appointment to see a specialist in upper body injuries. It took him � minutes to figure out I had a torn muscle in my shoulder. After the MRI came back, we received a phone call from the doctor telling us we needed to see him as soon as possible. He tells us that my muscle started to tear from my bone and that the sooner they operate, the faster I will heal. I had the surgery the next day. Struggling through the car accident, hearing from doctors that nothing is wrong, going through a surgery, and then months upon months of brutal physical therapy is a struggle for anyone. These events only made me stronger in the long run, mentally and physically. Autumn Frantz

believe solutions lie within a calm state of mind. The best way I have found to remain calm is to take myself out of the situation I am in. I think about the issue in front of me and give myself the advice I would give someone else in the same circumstance. Doing so removes the thought of consequence, and to a certain extent forces me reevaluate the value I put on myself versus others. This approach slows my thumping heart, which allows me to think. A lot of things at the time were not playing into our favor. We were not righted into the wind. Waves were breaking over the stern. The forty lobster traps we had stacked on deck to move offshore were weighing us down. Josh had taken our anchor off the boat to buy a new one, and had not yet put the new one onboard. We had roughly thirty minutes of sunlight left in the day. No one was answering us on the radio. Fifteen miles offshore is out of cell phone reception. As we took off the engine box we found two hoses running parallel to the expansion tank had gotten so hot they had melted — hence the smell of burning antifreeze. We were sitting dead in the water. Oh, and typical for the month of January in Maine, it was starting to snow. Josh and I stood in silence staring at his grandfather’s old Isuzu diesel engine. We had to deal with the waves coming over the stern. I grabbed four traps off the deck and pushed them over the side. I hoped the drag would be enough to turn us into the swell. It took a few minutes but once the ropes were tied off to the bow and tight Karamel swung around. Next, we needed hoses. Our hot coil had tons of extra hose so it could be moved around on deck. I grabbed a knife and cut the hose from the metal coil; antifreeze started spraying everywhere. I managed to cut off a �ft section before reconnecting the system. I didn’t lose too much antifreeze in the process. I cut the section in half and went up on deck to replace the two melted hoses. The hose I had cut off the hot coil was just a little too small for the fittings on the engine. Our only hope was to push each end of the hose onto the piping hot metal fittings of the engine in hopes that the heat would soften the rubber and allow the hose to stretch and slide on. After taking turns burning our hands with steaming antifreeze for fifteen minutes, we had two hoses connected to the expansion tank. We hoped we had enough antifreeze in the system to get us home without the engine overheating. I untied the traps from the bow and we started limping for shore. By this point it was dark and snowing pretty hard. We set gear in a straight line for the harbor not caring if the traps landed on lobsters or not. RJ Condon

believe in the triviality of life. I often find myself questioning the importance of life. Not just my own life, but life in general. I find it curious how humans function: yearning for power, survival, a sense of importance, change, contentedness, and exploration. The construction of social paradigms, religions, and political systems all seem futile in comparison to the vast and perplexing Universe. I used to question and search for purpose, but I’ve grown to accept the unknown. I’ve learned to reevaluate my beliefs and understanding of the world around me, and I’ve realized there are no right or wrong answers, but gray in-betweens. I now understand just how inconsequential life is. I’m not entirely sure why, but I’ve always been a questioner. I suppose this type of thinking made me an outcast in Catholic school, where everything was linear and mind numbing. Several years ago I forced myself to start a process of unlearning. My Catholic upbringing didn’t make sense to me anymore, not that it made any sense to begin with. The contradictory nonsense I had been spoonfed most of my life became laughable and I realized over time the foolishness in holding on to blacks and whites and the titles they’re given. I believe that the answers we seek are beyond our capacity for comprehension, and I believe in having no obligation to carry an emotional stake in the future of this world. I’ve learned that it’s not people that rule the Universe, but rather unpredictable and sometimes unforeseeable variables, otherwise out of our control. I’ve especially learned that the more we know the less we truly know. It’s important to view ourselves from an external perspective, in a context greater than what we perceive ourselves to be. I’ve learned to laugh at how seriously we take each other, and I’ve grown to accept the unknown. I believe life is unexplainable, beautiful, frightening, remarkable, and unique. Life is an opportunity to take something bleak and meaningless and create something incredible yet volatile. What we have on Earth is something so grand in the scope of our minds, yet so trivial beyond us. Although it’s important to cherish what we have, it’s equally important to understand the banality of existence, too. Justin Carey

Bound to be Damned Maine College of Art Baskerville Printed by Lulu.com October 2014 Autumn Frantz ÂŠ