AVENues Newsletter: Summer 2018

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AVE NUE S

MENTALHEAL TH EDI TI ON APRI L-J UNE2018

SUM MER 2 0 1 8


Edi t i ng / Cr ea t i v eTea m

Cont r i but or s

E di t or i nCh i e f :s c ar l e t l at i t u de

Wr i t e r s /Ar t i s t s :Bl u e dr agon wi n gs , J OR , Aby s s Gaz e

L ay ou t :

T h i n k Not V an i l l a

Coe di t or s :

Bl u eI c eT e a, Sn owCon e , k e l i c o

Cr e at i v e s :

Sk y Wor l d, k e l i c o

Spe c i al t h an k s :Home r


FEATURED I NTHI SI SSUE

f e at u r e di nt h i si s s u e

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NOTABROKEN DRAGON bybl u e dr agon wi n gs

T h r ou gh ou t mos t of myl i f et h e r ewas( an di s )awor dt h at I u s et ode s c r i bemy s e l f : “ br ok e n ” . My i n t e r ac t i on swi t hs t r an ge r s : “ br ok e n ” . Myi n t e r ac t i on swi t hmyownmi n d: “ br ok e n ” . Mys e l f i mage : “ br ok e n ” . Myr e l at i on s h i pswi t h , we l l , r e l at i on s h i ps : “ br ok e n ” . Myv i e wof my s e l f h asal way sbe e nt h at I was“ of f ” , t h at t h e r ewasa“ s c r e wl oos e ” , t h at age ar i nmyh e adwasmi s s i n gor “ br ok e n ” . I n owk n owt h at , at l e as t i npar t , t h ef e e l i n gsi nan dabou t r e l at i on s h i psh av es ome t h i n gt odowi t hme be i n gu n de r t h eu mbr e l l aof as e x u al i t y , e v e ni f I don ’ t f e e l c omf or t abl epl ac i n ge x ac t l ywh e r eI am. I t h i n kpar t of t h er e as ont h i su n de r s t an di n gi sc omi n gs omu c hl at e r t h ani t c ou l dh av ei st h at i t al l f al l s i n t omyme n t al s e l f i mage . Wh yl ookf or ar e as on , or wh yl ookf or ot h e r swh omaye x pe r i e n c es i mi l ar t h i n gs , af t e r al l I am“ br ok e n ” . Mybe i n g“ br ok e n ”i ss u c hac or epar t of wh oI pe r c e i v emy s e l f t obet h at i t h asal way si mpe de dmy s e e k i n gh e l pf or myme n t al h e al t hor f r oms e e k i n gt h ec ommu n i t yof s i mi l ar pe opl e . I t i sh ar dt oge t y ou r s e l f t os e eat h e r api s t or ps y c h i at r i s t wh e ni ny ou r mi n dt h eon l yt h i n gt h e yc ant e l l y oui s“ wh e l p y ou ’ r eme s s e du pan dbr ok e n , s e ey oun e x t we e k . ”Wh ybot h e r goi n gou t an dme e t i n gpe opl ei f y ou won ' t beabl et or e l at et ot h e m, i f t h epi e c e st h at wou l dal l owy out oc on n e c t t oot h e r pe opl ear e war pe d, mi s s i n g, or “ br ok e n ” .

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Con t i n u e d. . . Be i n g“ br ok e n ”was /i ss u c hac or eas pe c t of my s e l f t h at I wou l dl ookf or me di awh e r ec h ar ac t e r swe r e “ br ok e n ” , u s u al l ye v e nmor es ot h anme . T h ev i l l ai n san dt h os ewh oj u s t l i k et owat c ht h ewor l df al l apar t . T h et s u n de r ean dy an de r et r ope sf r oman i me . T h ec h ar ac t e r swi t ht h et r au mat i cbac k s t or y . Of c ou r s eI n owr e al i z et h i sWASmer e ac h i n gou t f or as e n s eof be l on gi n gor c ommu n i t y . I j u s t c ou l dn ’ t i magi n efi n di n gi t wi t hr e al pe opl e( s t i l l h av edi f fi c u l t i e sac t u al l y ) . T h efi r s t t i meI we n t t ot h e r apyI wasy ou n g, 1 11 2r an ge , an di t wasagai n s t mywi l l . I l i e dmyway t h r ou ght h eme e t i n gt omak es u r eI wou l dn e v e r h av et ogobac k . T h en e x t t i meI we n t t oa ps y c h ol ogi s t I wasar ou n d2 1 . Wh i l ev ol u n t ar y , I wass t i l l r e l u c t an t . I s t i l l c ou l dn ’ t t al kabou t e v e r y t h i n g, an dbyf oc u s i n gon l yonon ei s s u e( de pr e s s i on )i t mademei gn or eal l t h ei n t e r c on n e c t i n g i s s u e s . Byon l yt al k i n gabou t on et h i n g, I wasabl et omak epr ogr e s sonn on eof t h e m. I e v e n t u al l y s t oppe dgoi n g. J u s t ass oc i al c at e gor i z at i on sh av eanov e r l appi n ge f f e c t si ni n t e r s e c t i on al i t y , me n t al h e al t hi s s u e sdo aswe l l . I f y ouf oc u son l yonon eas pe c t l i k ede pr e s s i on , y ouwon ’ t e x pl or ean x i e t y , s e l f wor t h , ac c e pt an c e , or t r au ma. T h et h i n gi st h e yc anal l i n t e r ac t . E ac hi s s u ey ouh av ec anc au s e , magn i f y , or modi f yot h e r i s s u e sy ouh av e . Ar ou n d8y e ar sagoI fi n al l ywe n t t oaps y c h i at r i s t . I r e al i z e dt h at I c ou l dn ot h opeof mak i n gpr ogr e s s onmyown . T h eme di c at i on sh e l pe d, bu t asan y on ewi l l t e l l y ou , t h e yar en ot amagi cbu l l e t . I s t i l l di dn ' t r e ac hou t f or mor eh e l pat t h at poi n t . R ou gh l yt woan dh al f t ot h r e ey e ar sagoI di s c ov e r e dot h e r pe opl eu s i n gt h et e r m“ as e x u al i t y ” . I h ads t u mbl e don t oot h e r swh os e e me dt oh av es i mi l ar e x pe r i e n c e st ome . I s t i l l f e l t “ br ok e n ”i nman yway s , bu t h e r ewasagr ou pof pe opl es ay i n gt h at par t of mewas n ’ t “ br ok e n ” , j u s t di f f e r e n t bu t n ot al on ei nbe i n gs o. Wh e nI fi n al l yj oi n e dAVE Nabou t 2y e ar sago, I h adt omak eac h oi c e . T h ec h oi c eof au s e r n ame . I h adman yu s e r n ame sont h ei n t e r n e t . “ Ar c n e sDar k h ar t ”be i n gon eI h av eh adi ns omef or mor an ot h e r f or 2 5i s hy e ar s . I h adal s obe e nu s i n g“ br ok e n bl u e wi n gs ”bu n c hat t h et i me . Howe v e r , e ac h h adc on n ot at i on sI wast r y i n gt oov e r c ome . SoI c h os et odr opt h ebr ok e nan daddadr agon , “ bl u e dr agon wi n gs ”wasbor n . Su c has mal l s t e p, s u c has mal l c h an ge , t oc h an geau s e r n ame . Y e t i t s e e mst oh av eh e l pe d. T h at c h an ge , al on gwi t has e n s eof be l on gi n g, h asal l owe dmet or e ac h ou t t omor epe opl e . I t h asmadei t s oI c anwor konmyme n t al h e al t hi nmor et h anj u s t me di c at i v e way s . I ams e e i n gat h e r api s t n ow, i npar t du et oc on v e r s at i on sI h av eh adonAVE N. I t i ss t i l l h ar dt o t al kabou t t h i n gs , I s t i l l h av eat e n de n c yt odi s as s oc i at emy s e l f f r ome v e r y t h i n g, bu t I amt r y i n g, an d t r y i n gt ot al kh ol i s t i c al l y . T h ewh ol er at h e r t h anan yon ei s s u e . Myas e x u al i t yi sn ot ani n di c at or t h at I am“ br ok e n ” . I t i sn ot ame n t al h e al t hi s s u ei nan dof i t s e l f , on l ymyi s s u e sof s e l f ac c e pt an c eaf f e c t myme n t al h e al t h . Sowh i l ei t mays e e ml i k eas mal l s t e pt owar ds e l f ac c e pt an c e , I wi l l t r yt os e emy s e l f asa“ dr agon ” , an dn ot as“ br ok e n ” .

n otabr ok e ndr a g on

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QUESTI ONS OFTHE MONTH Weh adaL OTof r e s pon s e st oou r qu e s t i on s ! T h an ky out oe v e r y on ewh o r e s pon de d! Wet r i e dt ofi t e v e r y on ei n . Hope f u l l y , t h os e wh oar es t r u ggl i n gc anfi n ds omeadv i c eor c omf or t byr e adi n gou r e x pe r i e n c e s .

TRI GGERWARNI NG Di s c u s s i onof s u i c i de , v i ol e n c e


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COMI NG UP I nou r qu e s t i onof t h emon t hf or m, weh adaf e wv e r yi nde pt han d de t ai l e dr e s pon s e s . We ’ v ede c i de dt os e par at et h e man dpu t t h e i r wh ol er e s pon s e st oge t h e r .

TRI GGE RWARNI NG Di s c u s s i onof s u i c i de , v i ol e n c e


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Mor er e v i e wsat Ac e F i l mR e v i e ws . wor dpr e s s . c om

ac emi n i ямБ l mr e v i e w

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OPEN MI C byJ OR

Ape r s on al e s s ayc h r on i c l i n gt h eau t h or ' ss t r u ggl et o de fi n eh e r s e x u al i t y , an dh e r s u s pi c i ont h at , wh i l e " as e x u al "mayn ot beape r f e c t fi t , i t maypr ov i dea l ar gepi e c eof t h epu z z l e .


Wh e ni t fi r s t c amet omyn ot i c et h at as e x u al i t ywas be gi n n i n gt o be t ak e ns e r i ou s l y as a r e al or i e n t at i on ,an dn ot s ome t h i n gt obec u r e dwi t ha pi l l , myn obl e r s e l f wast h r i l l e dt os e eas h i f t t owar ds a mor ei n c l u s i v e wor l d.My c r appi e r ,mor e s e l f c e n t e r e ds e l f ,t h ou gh t ,*Oh ,gr e at .An ot h e r l abe l t h at al mos t fi t sme , bu t n ot qu i t e . * Y ous e e , i nmyy ou n ge r day s , I h ads u c hah ar dt i me fi t t i n gi n t o an yc at e gor yu s e dt o de s c r i be or i e n t at i on t h at a f r i e n d on c e de c l ar e di n af f e c t i on at ee x as pe r at i on , “ J . i sav ar i abl ef ac t or , X , t h atmov e su pan ddownt h eKi n s e ys c al e . ”( He wasamat hmaj or . ) I h adc on s i de r e dmy s e l f s t r ai gh t u n t i lt h emome n twh e nIc ou l dn ’ tde n yt h atIk e pt ge t t i n gc r u s h e songi r l s . I i de n t i fi e dasbi s e x u al f or a wh i l e . Mos tpe opl eh adgoodi n t e n t i on sabou tbe i n g s u ppor t i v e , bu t ou ri n t e r ac t i on swe r es t i l l pe ppe r e d wi t hqu e s t i on sl i k e , “ Di dy oue v e r de c i dewh i c hy ou l i k e dbe t t e r , boy sorgi r l s ? ”E v e nt h et h e r api s t I was s e e i n gatt h et i medi dn ’ ts e e mt obe l i e v eIwas s u f fi c i e n t l ypr ov i n gmy s e l ft obewh at Is ai dIwas , an de v e n t u al l y ,br i e fl y ,Ii de n t i fi e dasgay .E x c e pt t h atIk e ptge t t i n gc r u s h e sonboy s .Idon ’ tt h i n k “ qu e e r ”wasqu i t easwi de l ye mbr ac e di nt h os e day s , or i f i t was , I di dn ’ t k n owabou t i t , s oI wasl e f t wi t h ou tl an gu aget ode s c r i bewh atIwas .Iqu i t s e e i n gt h at t h e r api s t at ar ou n dt h es amet i met h at I de v e l ope ds omef ai r l yde bi l i t at i n gan x i e t yi s s u e s , wh i c hi spr obabl yj u s t aswe l l . T h en e x t l ar gec h u n k i f ewasde v ot e dt ot r y i n gt oman agemy ofmyl me n t alh e al t hpr obl e mswi t h ou tmu c hpr of e s s i on al h e l p. Aqu an t i t yofy e ar ss l i ppe dt h r ou ghmygr as p.I r e ac h e danageatwh i c hwor dsl i k e“ boy s ”we r e n ol on ge rappr opr i at et ode s c r i bemyr oman t i c i n t e r e s t su n l e s sI wan t e dt os ou n dl i k eac r e e p, an d t h e nIr e ac h e danageat wh i c hIt h ou gh t , “ Imi gh t bet oool df ori t t omat t e rn ow, be c au s eal l oft h e goodon e sar et ak e n . ”Ats omepoi n ti nmyl at e t we n t i e sore ar l yt h i r t i e s ,It al k e dal i t t l ebi twi t ha f e w pe opl eabou tmyf e e l i n gst owar dsph y s i c al i n t i mac y– f e e l i n gswh i c h mos t l yr an ge df r om apat h yt oav e r s i on . Ofc ou r s e ,atl e as ton e pe r s on made t h e we l l i n t e n t i on e ds u gge s t i ont h at may beIc ou l dbe t r e at e dwi t hme di c at i on . An ot h e rpe r s onobs e r v e d c au t i ou s l y , pr obabl yn ot wan t i n gt o

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s c ar emeof f bys l appi n gal abe l onme , t h at wh at I wass ay i n gr e mi n de dh e roft h ee x i s t e n c eofan as e x u al or i e n t at i on .Ih adal otofot h e rs h i tgoi n g on , an dI fi l e dt h e s ee x c h an ge sawayi nt h ebac kof mymi n d. Iwasn otpar t i c u l ar l yt r ou bl e dbyt h es u gge s t i on t h at I mi gh t bebe s t de s c r i be dasas e x u al , bu t I al s o di dn ’ tf e e l ,att h et i me ,l i k ei tgav emet h emi s s i n g pi e c ei nan ys i gn i fi c an tway .Is t i l lf e e la bi t i n au t h e n t i casas e l f i de n t i fi e das e x u al .F oron e t h i n g, I l i k ek i s s i n g, an dy e s , I r e al i z et h at as e x u al i t y i sas pe c t r u man dt h at “ I l i k ek i s s i n g”i sbyn ome an s as t at e me n tt h atdi s c r e di t ’ sape r s on ’ sc l ai mt oa pl ac eont h ats pe c t r u m.I t ’ sl i k e l yt h atmybr ai ni s n i t pi c k i n g, l ook i n gf ore x c u s e st or e j e c t y e t an ot h e r l abe l be f or eIh av eac h an c et ot r yi t onan dfi n d t h at dammi t , t h i son edoe s n ’ t fi t e i t h e r . F ormos t of myadu l t l i f e , I r e gar de ds t at e me n t sl i k e Mi c h ae lSt i pe ’ s“ Myf e e l i n gi st h atl abe l sar ef or c an n e df ood”wi t hac e r t ai namou n tofs u s pi c i on , e v e nasl abe laf t e rl abe lf ai l e dt ode s c r i beme ade qu at e l y . T h at ’ spr obabl ybe c au s emak i n gs u c h s t at e me n t sr e qu i r e san opt i mi s m Ih av en e v e r pos s e s s e d. I amwi l l i n gt oc on c e det h at i nac e r t ai n k i n dofawor l d,t h e r emi gh tben on e e df ort h e c on c e ptoft h eas e x u als pe c t r u m.I nt h atwor l d, t h e r ewou l dbepe opl ewh oar er e al l yi n t e r e s t e di n s e xan dpe opl ewh oar en ot ,j u s tl i k et h e r ear e pe opl ewh oar er e al l yi n t e r e s t e di ns por t san d pe opl ewh oar en ot .Wedon ’ tl i v ei nt h atwor l d, t h ou gh . P r obabl yt h ee x i s t e n c eof t h at wor l dwou l d fl yi nt h ef ac eof h owmos t h u manbe i n gsar ewi r e d. I th ast ak e nmeane mbar r as s i n gl yl on gt i met o fi gu r eou t t h at ot h e rpe opl er e al l ydon ot h av et h e s ame“ t ak ei t orl e av ei t ; ons e c on dt h ou gh t , c ou l d weac t u al l yj u s t l e av ei t ? ”at t i t u det owar dss e xt h at I do. Y ou ’ dt h i n kIwou l dh av efi gu r e dt h i st h et i meI fi n i s h e dc ol l e geatt h ee ar l i e s t ,j u s tf r om r e adi n g wome n ’ smagaz i n e sal on e .T h es at i r i c alwe bs i t e R e du c t r e s s , wh i c hs pe c i al i z e si npar odi e sof t y pi c al wome n ’ s magaz i n e ar t i c l e s ,on c eh ad a pi e c e c al l e d“ R e as on st oSt ayAl i v eE v e nT h ou ghY ou ’ r e NotGe t t i n gF u c k e d. ”A l otofpe opl e wou l d pr obabl yh av ec on s i de r e di t pr e t t yc r as s . F orme , i t wason eoft h emos taf fi r mi n gt h i n gsIh ade v e r r e ad,be c au s et h eau t h ors e e me dt ou n de r s t an d pe r f e c t l yh ow

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ac t u alwome n ’ smagaz i n e st e n dt omak emef e e l abou t my s e l f . I ’ mn ot s ay i n gt h at e v e r ywome n ’ smagaz i n en e e ds t os t ar ts h oe h or n i n gt h e wor ds“ u n l e s sy ou ’ r e as e x u al ”i n t oe v e r yar t i c l et h e ypu bl i s h , bu t i f we ’ r e goi n gt oge t i n t oal au n dr yl i s t of t i me sI k n e wI was di f f e r e n t ,wome n ’ smagaz i n e sar egoi n gt o be f e at u r e d.Ic an ’ tr e me mbe rh ow ol dIwas–ol d e n ou ght obepr u r i e n t l yr e adi n gt h es e xc ol u mn si n mygr an dmot h e r ’ si s s u e sof*R e dbook *t ot r yan d fi gu r eou twh att h i swh ol es e xbu s i n e s swasal l abou t –bu t I r e me mbe r be i n gr e adi n gal e t t e r f r om ar e ade r abou t h ows h eh admar r i e dt h i smanwh o h ar dl ye v e r wan t e dt oh av es e x , l i k emay bet wi c ea y e ar , an dwh at c ou l ds h edoabou t i t ? L ook ,Idon ’ twan tt ot r i v i al i z eh owdi s t r e s s i n gt h i s s i t u at i onwou l dbef orawomanwh or e al l ydoe s h av eNe e ds .T h atwomanh ade v e r yr e as ont o wr i t et oanadv i c ec ol u mn i s t f or h e l p. I ’ mn ot f au l t i n g h e r or mak i n gf u nof h e r . Bu t I r e me mbe r t h i n k i n gas ak i d,“ Ge e z ,h owdoe st h i se v e nr e gi s t e ront h e pr obl e ms s c al e ? ”P os s i bl ya f ai r l ys t an dar d r e ac t i onf oragr u bby mi n de dbu tbas i c al l yf ai r l y i n n oc e n t y ou n ggi r l , e x c e pt t h at I h av et h ou gh t bac k t ot h atc ol u mns oman yt i me sasanadu l tan d t h ou gh t ,“ T HATL E T T E RDE SCR I BE DMYDR E AM MAN. ” F as t f or war dt oay e arort woago. Iwasr e adi n g on eoft h ef e wwome n ’ smagaz i n e sIc anpr oc e s s wi t h ou tf e e l i n gawf u l ,on ewh i c hi sge n e r al l yv e r y pos i t i v ean di n c l u s i v ean dGoT e amY ou !Is h ou l d h av ek n ownbe t t e r . Is h ou l dh av es k i ppe dT h eSe x I s s u e . I naway , t h ou gh , I amgl adI di dn ’ t , be c au s e i th e l pe dmet oc r y s t al i z es omet h i n gsf orme .T h e i n t r odu c t i ont oT h eSe xI s s u ec on t ai n e dwh atwas s u ppos e dt obeapos i t i v ean daf fi r mi n gan dGo T e amY ou !St at e me n t t h at wou l dbeappl i c abl et o al l of t h i smagaz i n e ’ sr e ade r s , an di t wass ome t h i n g al on gt h el i n e sof , “ Y oun e e dan dde s e r v es e x ! ” I t h ou gh t abou t t h at s t at e me n t , onan dof f , f or al on g t i meaf t e r war ds . I t i ss i mpl yn ot t r u ef orme . In e e d an dde s e r v ee n ou ghs l e e p.In e e dan dde s e r v e goodf ood. Ast h egr an ddau gh t e rof anal c oh ol i c , an daf or me rpr obl e mdr i n k e rmy s e l f ,Is ome t i me s c at c hmybr ai nt r y i n gt oc on v i n c eme

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t h at I n e e dan dde s e r v eal c oh ol . “ Ne e dan dde s e r v e ”doe sn ot e v e nc omec l os et o de s c r i bi n gan yofmyf e e l i n gs( orn on f e e l i n gs ) abou ts e x .Mypr of ou n ddi s t r u s tofl abe l s ,atl e as t as appl i e dt o my s e l f ,pe r s i s t s wi t hi r r at i on al s t u bbor n n e s s .Ih av et ak e nas mal lh e ar t s h ape d e n ame l pi ne mbl az on e dwi t ht h eac epr i defl agon an dof f myAmaz onWi s hL i s t abou t ado z e nt i me s . I amn ot s u r eI h av et h ec r e de n t i al st owe ari t . I am n ots u r eIwan tmyf ami l yt os e ei twh e nt h e yar e bi r t h days h oppi n gf or me . Wh e t h e r or n ot t h e ye v e r s ai d an y t h i n gt o meabou ti t ,i twou l d bean i r r e v oc abl eadmi s s i on : T h i sl abe l appl i e st ome . An dy e t : I h av et oadmi t t h at i f t h eas e x u al s pe c t r u m h ad be e nmor ewi de l ydi s c u s s e d wh e nIwas y ou n ge r ,wh e nIwasdat i n g,t h i n gswou l dh av e be e ns omu c he as i e rf orme .Att h ev e r yl e as t ,I wou l dh av eh adt h et ool st obek i n de ran dmor e h on e s t ,i n s t e adoffl i r t i n gan dgi ggl i n gan dt h e n r u n n i n gl i k eh e l l wh e ni t l ook e dl i k es ome t h i n gmi gh t ac t u al l yc omeof al l t h at gi ggl i n gan dfl i r t i n g. Gi v e n mypr of ou n ddi s c omf or t wi t hwe ar i n gl abe l s , I ’ mn ot s u r ewh at as e x u al v i s i bi l i t ywou l dl ookl i k ef or me . Compl i c at i n g mat t e r si st h ef ac tt h atIam an i n t e n s e l ypr i v at epe r s on . Asas i n gl ewomanwi t hn o k i ds , I fi n dmy s e l f r e gu l ar l yi ns i t u at i on swh e r eI am c al l e du pon , e x pl i c i t l yor i mpl i c i t l y , t oapol ogi z ef or mye x i s t e n c eor at l e as t t opr ov i des omeac c ou n t of Wh at We n t Wr on g. I wou l dl ov et obet h ek i n dof pe r s onwh or e pl i e sc on fi de n t l yi nt h e s es i t u at i on s , h ey e ar swh e nal ot of pe opl ear ege t t i n g “ Du r i n gt mar r i e d an dh av i n gk i ds ,Iwass oc r az yt h at s ome t i me sIc an h ar dl y be l i e v eI ’ ms t i l lal i v e . Some h owi nt h emi ddl eof al l t h at , mys oc i al l i f ef e l l of f t h et abl e . Oh , an dI ’ mbas i c al l yas e x u al , s o, y ou k n ow, c r az yan dn of u ni nt h es ac k–t h at wou l dbe al ot f or an y on et ot ak eoni napar t n e r , amI r i gh t ? ” Iam n ott h atk i n d ofpe r s on .F ac e d wi t ht h e oppor t u n i t y t o c h al l e n ge s ome on e ’ s h e t e r on or mat i v eas s u mpt i on s , I mos t l yt r yt oc h an ge t h es u bj e c twh i l eIfi gh tbac kt e ar san dmybody t e mpe r at u r er i s e su n c omf or t abl yf r om an ge ran d h u mi l i at i on . Y oumayh av en ot i c e dt h at I ’ mn ot e v e n c omf or t abl epu t t i n gmyn ameont h i se s s ay .Al li n al l , I dou bt t h at myr e l u c t an t

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