INFUSION
THE FULBRIGHT KOREA
VOLUME 7, ISSUE 1
THE FULBRIGHT KOREA INFUSION
volume 7, issue 1
winter 2014
The Tree of Life. Allen Zaruba. Watercolor. November 2013. Allen Zaruba (exhibiting as Alzaruba) Allen Zaruba is a senior Fulbright interdisciplinary visual artist who taught at Sung Kyun Kwan University (‘03-‘04), researched early Korean sculpture and its impact on Japan, lectured extensively and took part in several international art events. This is the ninth in a series of watercolors, which began in Korea. Inspired by the colors of Gyeongbokgung Palace, the ship shapes represent conceptual thresholds or windows shifting through alternate moments and states of time in the universe. In the center is a small circle showing the Tree of Life from Revelations 22:2. The small boat offers us crossing into His glory.
THE FULBRIGHT KOREA
INFUSION VOLUME 7, ISSUE 1
CONTENTS LETTER . 02 . JAI OK SHIM FOREWORD . 04 . KATELYN HEMMEKE WHERE DO I BEGIN? . 06 . HELEN LI THE BALLADEERS OF JUNGMA . 09 . JOSH WOOD & STUDENTS 08.18.13 . 13 . ANDREW CHENG ANCESTORS, FAMILY AND THE MEANING OF CHUSEOK . 16 . HOLLEE MCGINNIS THE GARDENER . 23 . PRESTON NANNEY THE KOREA QUESTION . 28 . COURTNEY MCLACHLAN 눈 . 34 . KRISTEN BIALIK Books Festival. Sarah Chen. Naju.
WE HAVE LOVE AND THE GOD OUTSIDE . 41 . KALEY CURTIS
STAFF
PUBLISHING ADVISER
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF MANAGING EDITORS DESIGN EDITOR ASSISTANT DESIGN EDITOR PHOTO EDITORS WEB MANAGER MONITORS STAFF EDITORS
COVER PHOTO
Seoul Back Alley. Helen Li. Seoul.
Seoul Back Alley. Helen Li. Seoul.
Jai Ok Shim
Katelyn Hemmeke Kristen Bialik Jennifer Law Ashley Park Meredith Howard Andrew Cheng Neal Singleton Rachel Lim Teresa Baik Phung Nguyen Mimi Cagaitan Sarah Chen Connor Dearing Hector Ramos Flores Clara Kang John Karayannopoulos Josephine Reece Jon Rice Christina Socci Sophia Zhang Beopjusa Morning. Neal Singleton. Beopjusa, Songnisan.
The Fulbright Korea Infusion E-MAIL FULBRIGHT WEB FACEBOOK INSTAGRAM
fulbright.infusion@gmail.com http://www.fulbright.or.kr /fulbrightkoreainfusion fulbrightkoreainfusion
The Fulbright Korea Infusion is published by the Korean-American Educational Commission.
01
LETTER FROM THE
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR Dear Readers,
With a community of over 5,000 active grantees and alumni,
It is my distinct honor to present Volume 7, Issue 1 of The
Fulbright Korea has reached the furthest corners of the country
Fulbright Korea Infusion. For the first time in the history of the
in education, scholarship and cultural exchanges. Since our earliest
magazine, we are publishing separate winter and spring issues.
days, Fulbright Korea has sought to improve cross-cultural con-
We hope this winter issue demonstrates the impressive work our
nections through a diverse array of educational programs. Every
grantees have already accomplished, and that the spring issue will
grantee has left his or her mark on this country and commission.
reveal even further growth. I would like to extend my thanks to all
The accomplishments of those grantees are reflected within Infu-
the grantees and alumni who have contributed to this issue of In-
sion, a representation of the character of our Fulbright community.
fusion, for it could not have happened without their tireless effort.
Sincerely,
Since its inception seven years ago, Infusion has grown exponentially in its content and reach. Every year, the magazine builds upon its former success in presenting a glimpse into the Fulbright
Jai Ok Shim
Korea experience. As a compilation of photographs, essays, po-
Executive Director
ems and more, Infusion represents the tremendous diversity of
Korean-American Educational Commission
experiences, perspectives and lives that comprise the Fulbright Korea community.
Gyeongbokgung Palace Guard. Helen Li. Seoul.
03
FOREWORD
Katelyn Hemmeke, Editor-in-Chief
As Fulbright grantees, we take on the formidable challenge of
through this issue of The Fulbright Korea Infusion.
Beokpjusa Stacking Stones. Helen Li. Beopjusa, Songnisan. Even in a foreign country where grantees are scattered nation-
can render a place or person — familiar or not — into something
wide and no two experiences are alike, there are some things that
completely different. Sometimes this shift creates discord or sorrow;
strike a familiar chord with us all. ETAs can recognize the vivacious
sometimes it is a delight, causing us to crave more. Our writers and
quirks and personalities of Helen Li’s beloved students. The warmth
artists in this issue of Infusion explore the emotions and complexities
of a mother’s home-cooked food and handmade scarf, so lovingly
that arise within such experiences of the new and known.
described by Josh Wood’s student Seung Hui Yang, resonates with
My students often ask me whether or not I “know” something:
anyone living away from home. The immense familial love that drives
“Teacher, do you know kimchi? Suneung?1 G-Dragon?2” As you take in
Hollee McGinnis’s piece is echoed in the ties between grantees and
the written and visual work within these pages, ask yourself: What is
their own families thousands of miles away, as well as in the bonds
familiar to you? What do you know, and what do you want to know?
leaving behind home, family and friends to live in a foreign country
For the first time, Infusion is releasing two issues within one
for one year (or two or three!). Whether it’s your first time in Korea,
grant year: a winter issue and a spring issue. We are so pleased to
your first time ever abroad, or one trip in a string of many, it’s a
expand this outlet for Fulbright Korea grantees — English Teach-
But familiarity is not always easy or comforting, nor is unfamiliar-
daunting task to dive into a life that is new and unknown. But when
ing Assistants and Junior Researchers, past and present — to further
ity always difficult or upsetting. Twists of tragedy, new languages and
does the strange, the foreign, the unknown cross the line and become
share their diverse experiences and talents. And perhaps it is fitting
cultures, even something as simple as a new blanket of fresh snow
something familiar? And what does it take for that shift to occur? It
that the theme for our very first winter issue is the exploration of the
is this contrast between the familiar and the unfamiliar that threads
(un)familiar.
they forge with their host families and new communities in Korea.
Please enjoy Volume 7, Issue 1 of Infusion.
1. The Korean SAT 2. An iconic K-pop star
05
WHERE DO I BEGIN?
Helen Li
A few months ago, he asked you if you were happy. With
riphery. You stopped turning to chase brown and blue in the
derful chaos in 2-9 and sweet cooperation in 2-1. Every
vending machine. Happiness is notebook doodles and chalk-
that smile on his face, there was no space for you to say No.
corners of your eyes. You found students who followed the
laugh, every giggle, every stumbling conversation became a
board art. Happiness is 867 brilliantly frustrating, sweet and
“I’m in a race against the backspace button. I’m afraid one
direction of your gaze so you looked only forward.
soundtrack that echoed in your head from first to last period,
courageous individuals that make every day worth the start.
day I’ll win and compose that shameless message to your name.”
You were so thankful. For Geon Yeong’s shy smiles
bouncing off the walls in a mind that had been cleared of
They say acceptance of your problem is the first step
and Do Kyeong’s boisterous grins. For the diversity of
self-doubt and filled with a renewed sense of self-assurance.
insa , Su Bin’s “알러뷰 ,” Hyo Seon’s “Hello Teacher,” Tae
You can be kind for them. You can be brave for them. You
But that’s for waiting room trifold brochures and post-
Oh’s “BROTHER.” For Shin Hong’s shoe kleptomania and
can be happy for them.
ers in clean, bright doctors’ offices. The first step is actually
Seung Chan’s outrageous lies. For Jeong Hyeon the Mouth
Yesterday, Hwa Jeong asked if you were happy in Korea.
wanting a recovery because sometimes the dark, shifting hole
Fighter and Ji Won the General. For Yeon Seob’s infinite
You couldn’t give her a convincing answer, so you decided
you’ve dug for yourself is the only place you can see the
face contortions and the creases on the edges of Yoon Ui’s
to write a reflection defining happiness. Happiness is not
Helen Li is a 2013-2014 ETA at Changpyeong High School in
whole of your history. Stretched out from the moment you
eyes. For Jong Woo’s quiet humor and Jeong Woo’s confused
wondering, “Am I happy?” Happiness is not being able to
Changpyeong, Jeollanam-do.
met to the last time you sat side by side. Fragile to the point
expressions. For break time so your boys could yell and pre-
fathom an answer to the question, “Are you happy?” You
that saying the word “Recovery” means opening your eyes
tend-fight in the hallways and your girls could buy snacks and
never thought it was up for debate. Happiness is every sec-
and watching that timeline vanish. So you lingered in your
share them with you throughout the day.
ond you spend trying to put more stars in their eyes, win-
to recovery.
1
2
Somewhere in between First and Finals Week, between
dows that show you an achingly beautiful horizon with every
3
teaching your impossible 2-4 boys and your wild 2-2 girls,
remembered name and promises of a Game. Happiness is
Then something changed for you. You moved to a place
you found happiness. You found it in the little balls of awk-
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday,
where surviving meant pretending that you could survive,
wardness and enthusiasm that soon became your prescrip-
Sunday. Happiness is walking home and hearing farewells
and somewhere in the middle of pretending you realized that
tion for keeping the walk-ups from turning into mountains
shouted from the third floor. Happiness is ending class early
you could survive. Slowly, you opened your eyes and found
and the fall-downs from turning into cliffs. Repeated in the
for an impromptu snowball war. Happiness is losing 가위
a world where his silhouette didn’t need to be in your pe-
cinema on the backs of your eyelids were images of won-
바위보4 and buying the winner a 700 won drink from the
dark, shifting hole, replaying old tapes and projecting them onto the backs of your eyelids.
1. Greetings, traditionally in the form of a bow 2. Literally sounded out, “Ar- reo-byu” (“I love you”) 3. The moniker for a homeroom class. The first number represents the grade; the second is the class number. 2-4 is a class of second grade high school students (the equivalent of U.S. high school juniors).
4. Rock-paper-scissors
You’re not afraid anymore of writing to him. If he asks you if you’re happy, you’ll say, Where do I begin?
07
THE BALLADEERS OF JUNGMA Josh Wood & Students The following three poems were submitted by individual students for their final speaking exam at Jungma High School in Gwangyang, Jeollanam-do. Josh Wood is the ETA at Jungma High.
Hero Insecure to intend something That had never been imagined, Faithless to face something That had never been fought for, She was that sort of silent sheep.
One day, Unintentionally, inevitably, And irrecoverably, She saw the salvation in her solitude.
She resisted to retrieve the right, Eliminating her limits, Struggling to set a fire Revealing her rebelliousness.
At length, she won a war with herself. Now, She is worth a warm welcome Waiting for her.
— Seung Hoo Song
Untitled. Judy Her. Seocheon.
09
The Tree When I walked on the street
My Winter
Saw many fallen leaves Yellow, orange, brown and charcoal...
The sun sets so early.
Seemed as if they were whispering in my ear
Cold air touches my face. Winter is around the corner, And everyone is bustling around preparing for winter.
My winter is colder than that of others. I have no one to hold my hands,
Do not mash me! Do not stamp me down! Do not hurt me anymore! I am sad enough As I was abandoned from this tree
I have no one to hug me, I have no one to warm my cold cheeks.
My winter is warmer than that of others. With the handmade food, The hand warmer worth five hundred won and, The scarf my mom made for me.
Looked like just what I was I was already mashed out I was already stamped down I was already hurt by this world
Nevertheless, look at me now! I am still alive
The sun sets so early.
Getting older, getting taller, getting wiser
Cold air touches my face.
Than last year — oh!
Winter is around the corner, And everyone is bustling around preparing for winter.
Want to whisper in the ear of the leaves You are not abandoned
— Seung Hui Yang
Because of you Because you were here This tree will be here forever Like I will be in this world forever
—Cha Lui Park
11
08.18.13
Andrew Cheng
Dear Tony, I decided to take a walk tonight and, since I now live quite close,
award, and although it was just a piece of paper, it meant so much
my feet led me toward the school. Your school. Our school. When
more than that, at least to me. I actually wish I could impart even
the dormitory came into view from behind the new apartment build-
more meaning to it now, to shower you with verbal praise, to do any-
ings, I realized, to my shock, that it was the first time that I had been
thing in my power to affirm your intrinsic value as a human being.
back since July 12th, the day you died. The day I was supposed to go
But it’s too late.
home with happy goodbyes and see-you-in-Augusts but instead left
Do you remember our last conversation? It was over lunch ear-
in hurried confusion and sadness. The day you were supposed to go
lier that week. The subject of the Korean education system came up
home but never did.
— yet again — and I went on my usual rant about how stressful and
The buildings looked exactly the same as they always have: grand,
unfair it was for a student’s entire potential to be governed by a few
silent, with brightly-lit windows. It being Sunday evening, most stu-
arbitrary exams. You agreed and added that schools were not doing
dents had already returned to their dormitory rooms and were prob-
their students any good. Prophetically, you became a victim of the
ably preparing for the start of classes tomorrow.
system just a few days later. No one even realized the pressure you
I thought about what I would say and do when I arrived on cam-
were under, and for that I am so, so sorry.
pus in the morning, one silent month of summer vacation behind me.
Tony, I’m going to miss you in my classes this semester. I still
Ought I to speak openly of the tragedy and let the school community
don’t know what I will do when I have to face your peers, or how it
know that I still cared? Ought I to ask my students personally if they
will feel. Whatever happens, we must all move on, right? But for me,
were coping healthily? I wondered if I should talk about you at all,
moving on will not entail forgetting. For you, I’m going to strive to
even mention your name. I could waltz into class with the same fa-
be the best teacher I can be. For you, I’m not going to let a minute go
miliar smile and vigor and begin to teach as if nothing had happened.
to waste on anyone else. I will let my students talk to me as much as
As if real life had no bearing on the classroom environment. It’s been
they want, whenever they want, and encourage them always to speak
difficult to come to grips with your death, Tony. I haven’t told a single
their minds. When they do occasionally say something brilliant, it will
person about you.
remind me of you.
If I did, I would say first that you were an exceptional student.
I hope that you are resting in well-deserved and long-awaited peace.
That you were almost relentlessly positive, and that the only times you
Surviving. Thomas Owens. Donghae.
weren’t happy were when you were lost in thought and concentrating
Always,
very hard on how to formulate a sentence in English properly enough
Andrew
to make your point understood. You volunteered to speak up in class every single week and did so purely from self-motivation, because you were actually paying attention to the discussion and wanted to give your earnest input, even if it wasn’t a popular opinion. Sometimes,
Andrew Cheng is a 2012-2014 high school ETA in Changwon, Gyeongsang-
you stayed after class to clean the whiteboards without being asked.
nam-do.
It gave you an opportunity to chat with me as I packed up, not even because you wanted more English practice but because you simply wanted to chat with me. Tony, you deserved your Class MVP
13
Seoraksan Cairn. Neal Singleton. Baekdamsa, Seoraksan.
A Walk in the Park. Neal Singleton. Cheonan.
15
ANCESTORS, FAMILY AND THE MEANING OF CHUSEOK Hollee McGinnis I have a family — three families in fact. I have my American
15 years old, but who died before I reunited with the family again.
family by adoption, my husband and son, and my Korean biologi-
Like the Koreans I read about, I wanted to go to my grandfather’s
Second, her words made me realize that honoring our ancestors
cal family with whom I reunited in 1996. Yet being in Korea during
burial ground, clear it and bow deeply and thank him. For what? For
is also about celebrating all who had lived and created Korean culture
I followed the people and floating fish into the crowded temple
Chuseok for the first time filled my heart with sadness. Chuseok is the
remembering me. For trying to find me. For loving me as part of the
and society. They are our ancestors too. Their presence still endures
grounds. There was a queue of people waiting to buy drinks, and a
traditional Korean harvest festival, a time of thanksgiving, spending
family. Despite the fact that I was sent away for adoption, he never
in Korea’s traditional architecture, dress and food. And by the simple
stand where tteok2 was being handed out. There were people sitting
time with family and honoring one’s ancestors. However, my Korean
forgot me. He searched for me. Although I will never know, I feel he
fact of being of Korean descent, we are also a part of this lineage. So
at shaded tables chatting and drinking. Above the crowd, a school
family did not invite me to celebrate this holiday with them.
may have longed for me as much as my child heart longed for him.
honoring our ancestors is as much about honoring our direct blood
of paper fish swirled in crescent arcs, swimming to a single point: a
descendants as it is about revering those who built Korean culture.
large lotus-shaped lantern near the main temple doors. Smaller gold-
Despite all the family in my life, I felt like the orphan I once had been.
I also wanted to honor my dad, my adoptive father, who died
and these are our ancestors.
suspended on an aqua ribbon of cloth between the earth and the sky, beckoned me.
suddenly five years ago, six months after the birth of my son. For
Despite this insight, I could not shake my sadness. Instead of
My dissertation, supported by Fulbright and the Korean Foun-
what? For his unwavering love and labor that transformed me from
being with my Korean family, I traveled with my son to a party orga-
dation, explores the experiences of adolescents in adoptive families
an orphan in a foreign country to his daughter. For always honor-
nized by a group of overseas adoptees residing in Seoul. Was it any
As I watched the people milling about the grounds and going
and orphanages in Korea and the stigma associated with not being
ing my roots and encouraging me to follow my heart and pursue my
consolation? In my 20s I started an organization for adult overseas
into the temple, I felt their energy and I realized they were all gath-
raised by blood kin. I had thought celebrating Chuseok with my birth
dreams. I had always imagined he would come with me to Korea one
adoptees in New York City, Also-Known-As, Inc., and found a sense
ered on these grounds for Chuseok. My body tingled with excitement
family would give me insight into Korean blood kinship. Instead I
day, but that day was taken away when he died.
of belonging and connection to the adoptee community. But on this
as I realized I could honor my haraboji and my dad, even without my
The notion of honoring one’s ancestors deepened when I visited
Chuseok these connections felt empty because they were not my kin.
Korean family, just as these people had gathered on these temple
Bukchon Hanok Village in Seoul, one of the few areas where tradi-
As I got off the bus holding my son’s hand, I was distracted by
I tried to console myself, thinking maybe if I stayed until next
tional Korean houses still stand in the city. The woman working there
a stream of people heading into Jogyesa Buddhist Temple in Insa-
I took my son’s hand, walked up the stairs into the main temple
Chuseok, maybe I would be invited and would perform the intimate
explained the design of the traditional Korean house, or hanok: how
dong, an area known for its traditional Korean goods. I was curi-
hall and found a spot to put down two cushions. I performed deep
family ritual of charye with my Korean blood family. Maybe I would
one room was warm in the winter and another cool in the summer.
ous. I looked up at the temple gates and saw beautiful floating pa-
kowtow bows, a tradition of Korean Buddhism, my son following
be included as part of their family. Maybe then I would feel a part of
She said with pride and humility, “I think our ancestors were very
per lanterns painted with delicate images of gold, red and pink fish
along with me. My body felt light and natural, swinging to the rhythm
a family that I had lost when I was 3.
smart.” And I appreciated two things. First, that she said our, as in me,
swimming among lotus blossoms. Beyond them were larger lanterns
of the bows.
I especially wanted to perform charye for my haraboji, my bio-
my husband (who was also adopted from Korea) and our biological
shaped like flowers that were tagged with Korean inscriptions writ-
The monk then began the Buddhist chants with the klok klok
logical paternal grandfather, who had searched for me when I was
son. In that simple word, she acknowledged that we too are Korean
ten on gold and red paper. The beautiful white floating paper fish,
klok of the hollow wooden drum. Not knowing the words to chant,
experienced the keen pain of knowing you have blood family, but are rejected — or worse, ignored — by them.
1
1. Charye is a memorial service that Korean families traditionally perform at Chuseok and the Lunar New Year. Koreans honor their ancestors by performing bows, offering food, fruits and wine, and visiting tombs to trim the grass.
colored fish dangled from the lanterns and flashed in the warm late September sun.
grounds to do.
2. Sweet rice cake
17
“
We are all a part of this human family, each swimming like the beautiful paper fish in the ethereal air between heaven and earth, flowing in the stream of life, from which we all arise and will return.
”
I sat with closed eyes and let the sounds of the drum and voices
hearts — all the love — from the members of my family: by blood,
wash over me. In my inner darkness, the klok klok klok of the drum
heredity and choice.
merged with my heart. As the pain of never getting to see my haraboji or dad again pressed my heart, a tear ran down my cheek. The tear was followed by another and then another. And as each tear emerged,
We are all a part of this human family, each swimming like the
the sadness in my heart slowly lifted, until I was left with an over-
beautiful paper fish in the ethereal air between heaven and earth,
whelming feeling of love throughout my being.
flowing in the stream of life from which we all arise and will return.
I felt my ancestors had gently pushed me this way, to stumble
Those beautiful swimming fish are our ancestors, spirits and
into the temple at the right time to be with other Koreans who were
guides. They too swim beneath the surface of the waves of eternity.
there to pay homage to their deceased loved ones. I honored you
They glint and gleam in the sunlight showing us the way. We will
today, dad and haraboji. And I felt your incredible love.
follow you soon. But not today. My heart and mind float up to you
After the ceremony, we went into the gift shop on the temple
longingly. My mind can only grasp you in the form it knows, your
grounds. I wanted to buy a token to remember this Chuseok day. My
beautiful faces lost to me now. But soon we will all be together again,
son picked out a bracelet of heart-shaped pale pink quartz stones,
swimming in the oceans of heaven.
saying, “Buy this bracelet because this is how much I love you.” At first I did not want it because I am not a fan of heart-shaped jewelry, but then I realized it was the perfect bracelet for the moment because it reflected the tremendous love I had felt in the temple. It was
Hollee McGinnis, MSW, is a PhD candidate and 2013-2014 Junior Research-
as if my son knew what I was looking for. After I purchased it, my son
er affiliated with the Graduate School of Social Welfare at Hallym University.
pointed to each stone and said happily, “This is love from me, Mommy, Daddy, Nana, Grandpa, Poppy, Nene, Uncle Phil, Aunt Karen, Uncle Tim…” I smiled and said to my son, “There is so much love!”
Patience. Andrew Cheng. Changwon.
And indeed there was. On this little heart bracelet were all the
19
Gyeongbokgung Garden. Helen Li. Seoul.
21
THE GARDENER Preston Nanney A garden is rolling down the street Plastic bags blossoming from soiled cardboard Vines of tape and rope incubating In a seedbed of Styrofoam nuts — The afterbirth of a world she reared, This gardener behind her pushcart
Like a wind-battered tree she leans Over her disjointed legs and Into the rusty tumbrel, the whinnying wheels of which Drown the click of her steps, Hide the tick of the seconds and the minutes marked By this timekeeper behind her pushcart
Her overgrowth of refuse groans to our bus stop As the timetable tolls for the 705 It’s all zippers and snaps and straps and Commuters bracing, standing raptly at the curb A specious ovation for The old lady and her pushcart
Jido Smile. Neal Singleton. Jido.
23
Autumn at Communal Vision. Judy Her. Seocheon. With a shriek of axles and brake pads The bus lurches to a stop behind her It howls in righteous disdain For her stoppage in the right lane To say there is no room in the margin For this planter and her pushcart
She does not hasten She does not look back But somnambulates ahead and Turns instead to look at me Among the vesper glow of handheld screens Under a Plexiglas canopy
Me, herald of the west and young Sowing an unknown language on her ground She, sunk-eyed watcher, leather-handed grower With her tree bark face and harrow gait The forgotten forebear of this new world This gardener behind her pushcart
Preston Nanney is a 2013-2014 ETA at Jeonmin Co-ed Middle School in Daejeon.
25
Working Man. Neal Singleton. Mullae.
27
T H E KO R E A Q U E S T I O N Courtney McLachlan “Why Korea?”
require explanations for the rest of your life.
most famous directors in the animation world.”
“I actually applied to go to Japan, since it seems to be much cool-
A simple, innocuous question that has plagued me for seven years.
But there is one key way in which they differ. Japanese culture
“Sorry if we were too loud; our class is just so exciting! You
er.” One of my fellow American delegates was talking to me about
If you have a simple answer to this question, I applaud you. No,
made it big in the U.S. in the 90s; many people know anime, manga,
really should have taken it with me.” My friend regarded me with
going to Korea for the first time. “But that conference is so popular
really, I do. Because here I am, going on my seventh year of the in-
Sega, Playstation, Nintendo, karate, sushi, ramen, Sony, Toyota - this
some mixture of pity and amusement as she spoke. I couldn’t help
that I got wait-listed. Luckily the deadline for Korea hadn’t yet passed,
evitable question and I still don’t have a perfect answer. I still can’t
list can go on. “Why Japan?” is usually asked with assumptions in
but roll my eyes.
so I just re-purposed my app and got in.”
quite put into words why it had to be Korean that I took my fresh-
mind, a list of easily digestible reasons the answerer can pull from.
man year of college, why I insisted on continuing it, even though it meant transferring schools. There’s no simple way to make people understand all that is Korea. My challenge stems from the hierarchy that has formed in the American perception of East Asia. There’s China. If you study Chinese, most people will assume
During club week, among the rows of student organizations
A chorus of “me too!”s erupted from seven of the other partici-
By contrast, there is very little collective, mainstream perception of
there were an anime club, a manga club, a para-para club and a Ken-
pants. The conversation dissolved into a discussion of other ways to
Korea. Korean isn’t in.
do club. The Japanese class students, all fifty of them, swarmed the
go to Japan after our conference ended - despite the fact that it had
Freshman year, my Korean class (only one section) had ten stu-
tables and soon the sign-ups were filled. Circling the auditorium twice
hardly even begun.
dents. Beginner Japanese had four sections and fifty students. There
left me with only one Korean option: the Korean-American Student’s
This trend is larger than my 25-delegate conference. It has re-
was kind of an us-versus-them mentality, an air among the Japanese
Association with six members. Since I am quite obviously not Ko-
sulted in a special type of visitor (short-term or long-term) to Korea.
students that the Korean kids had chosen the wrong language.
rean, I passed on joining.
They begin many sentences with “in Japan.” They end others with
you’re going into business or the Foreign Service. You might get a
“하다, 해요, 했어요 ...” Suddenly, raucous applause and cheer-
By second semester, every time the class across the hall erupted
few “why China?”s here and there, but without too much perplexity.
ing ripped through our Korean classroom. My professor jumped, as did
into yelling, cheering and/or applause, I imagined my class kicking
These days China, Chinese, makes sense.
the rest of us, cutting our repetition off into gasps or yelps of surprise.
down their door and breaking into some sort of battle (epic Yakuza
The source of the cheering was Japanese 103 in their room
vs. Busan Kkangpae style). It never happened, but that odd inferior-
“Why does all of Korea smell? I never had this problem in Japan.”
ity complex stuck with me.
“Korean ramen is seriously weird, where can I find real ramen?”
And then there’s Japan, a country that has been the bane of my Korean Studies existence. Realistically, neither Korean nor Japanese quite “make sense” to study in the way that Chinese does. China is business and politics and opportunity. But neither Japanese nor Korean magically become golden tickets to riches in your future, or even to steady employment. They both garner a puzzled “why?” from anyone and everyone to whom you ever confess your major. Choosing either of them will
1
across the hall. We sat awkwardly waiting as our professor stomped over to beg for some silence. After class, as we all streamed into the hall, I asked my Japanese class friend what all the ruckus was about. “Oh, we were just watching ‘Princess Mononoke’ — you know, by Miyazaki.” Another student butted into our conversation: “He’s one of the
1. Basic Korean conjugations of the verb “to do”
2
My complex was only made worse by a certain phenomenon among Westerners in Korea. Many Westerners aim for Japan and if they don’t make it they
“would never happen in Japan.” As an ETA, I continued to hear almost daily comparisons of Korea and Japan, complaints about areas where Korea differed.
“Hashtag Japan does it better!” I thought that this was only my complex, that I was simply too sensitive about it.
choose Korea — as though the two countries are somehow inter-
Until I learned from my students that I was far from alone in this
changeable. I noticed this the first time I visited Korea, as part of a
sentiment. Despite the fact that they knew I spoke Korean, many of
conference that had a Japanese sister conference.
them would still ask if I could speak Japanese, which always gave me
2. Japanese and Korean mafias, respectively
29
“
Korea isn’t the wrong choice. There’s a reason Korean actors and directors are breaking into Hollywood, Michelle Obama is making kimchi, and Google is now hosting Korean pop concerts in the States.
”
was Japan that colonized Korea for forty years and sought to rewrite
“Hell yeah it is, they don’t have arcades or gambling or anything
“쌤 , why is it that foreigners who come to Korea always speak
Korean history on its own terms. It was Japan that left Korea in 1945
worth buying. They don’t even have toys; Korean kids just study. Tell
Japanese and never Korean?” He sprung the question on me one day
tasked with redefining Korea and “Koreanness.” It is no wonder that
me one thing that Korea makes that I actually want to own? I spent
after class.
today Korean nationalism burns as intensely as it does.
200,000 yen in Japan. In Korea, I spent like nothing.” He had spent all
pause until one of my students, Seok In, enlightened me as to why. 3
“What do you mean?” I asked, genuinely stumped since I had never heard of this generalization from a Korean. “Well, most times if you ask a foreigner if they speak Korean they say, ‘No, but I can speak Japanese!’ And I always wonder why they come to Korea if they like Japan a lot. It’s embarrassing; why
side effect of both the company environment and the fact that I’m white and in charge of the Korean brand. But my answer to the “why Korea?” question has gradually improved. My responses are no longer wavering and self-deprecating.
Korea has spent years climbing out of the shadows to carve its
his money on arcade games, collectibles, DVDs and books — things
Korea isn’t the wrong choice. There’s a reason Korean actors
own culture into the West’s imagined landscape of “East Asia.” Nin-
that Japan is well-known for. The guys he had traveled with nodded
and directors are breaking into Hollywood, Michelle Obama is mak-
jas have no place there; neither does kung fu, nor communism for
their heads in agreement, eyes on me. “Why does anyone even go to
ing kimchi, and Google is now hosting Korean pop concerts in the
that matter.
Korea? What’s it good for?”
States. Korea rose out of the Korean War and grew into an economic
And yet, even as Koreans try to splash their unique qualities
You see, I actually knowingly applied to work in an office of
and cultural powerhouse, spreading influence throughout Asia and
(Dynamic Korea! ) across the globe, Westerners continue to flock to
Japanophiles at a streaming-media company that provides almost ex-
the world. “Why Korea?” It’s only a matter of time before Korea
“Well, they probably want to experience Korea too,” was my
Korea and ask for Japan. They leave disappointed by how boisterous
clusively Japanese content: anime, manga, Japanese dramas.
answers that question on its own.
lame excuse for a phenomenon that even I couldn’t quite wrap my
Koreans are (the Japanese are so orderly), how spicy the food is (Japanese
The timing worked out just right that they decided to branch
head around.
food is so much healthier), how nationalistic Koreans are (Japan doesn’t need
out into Korean media and needed a Korean brand manager at the
to brag about itself).
exact same time that I was desperately job-hunting for anything, never
would they study Japanese but come to Korea?”
“Well, we’re impressed with you, 쌤. When we mention Korean
4
history, you know what we’re talking about; we feel comfortable with
And Koreans notice. Even my rural-area students somehow know
you. You’re the first foreigner I’ve met who cares about Korea. You
that many foreigners see Korea in terms of Japan. They feel the same
must be unique in America.”
inferiority that I myself struggle with – but for them, it’s personal.
“Unique? Why?” “Because everyone else studies Japan.” The shame hit me hard; I was still stunned when Seok In ran off to his next class. This isn’t just a passing curiosity for him. He, along
Despite leaving Korea, I still have to listen to Korea-Japan comparisons at least once a week. “Dude, Korea is hella boring!” A week into my new job, a group of my co-workers had just returned from an Asia trip.
expecting to find a job that would actually allow me to use any of my
Courtney McLachlan was a 2012-2013 ETA at Naju High School in Naju,
Korea-related knowledge.
Jeollanam-do. She is now the Korean brand manager at Crunchyroll.
I am now the Korean brand manager and one-woman Korean media team. I have to prod the people around me (who mainly focus on Japan) to help me when they have time. This also means that in a company of 60 people, I am the only person who focuses solely on Korea.
with the rest of Korea, has had years of history classes to remind him
I perked up, despite my newbie status. “No it isn’t?” I replied, won-
As I meet more and more people from the other side of the office,
that the darkest period in Korean history was courtesy of Japan. It
dering if this was some sort of running joke. My co-worker rolled his eyes.
I have to explain and defend my interest in Korea nearly daily — a
3. A familiar term for “teacher”
4. A Korean tourism slogan
31
The school of my dreams A light on a dark river Floats gently away Andrew Cheng. Jinju.
33
눈
눈4 눈을 감고
눈에 보이는 것 모두가 새로웠다
with one’s eyes shut 세상 사람들의 눈이 두렵다 / I am afraid of the eyes of the people
E V E RY T H I N G I SAW WA S N E W TO M E
Eyes that stare Eyes like laser beams
Kristen Bialik
Eyelashes that bat in whispers Pupils pointing out the obvious:
눈1
외국인 / Foreigner
내 눈으로 그것을 직접 보았다 I saw it with my own eyes
The hunched backs and bowed legs of ajummas,
backs that carry entire families.
눈5 눈을 크게 뜨고
The 108 prostrations of a congregation in repentance,
stationary steps on the long path to truth.
The grey hairs of 17-year-old boys who smile with nostalgia
at thoughts of the “good old days.”
with one’s eyes open
To lower one’s gaze is to lose one’s sight
Where tongues fail, eyes connect
Shared gazes in a shared humanity
Look!
눈2
Smile.
한쪽 눈이 멀다
to be blind in one eye
One eye to the immediate
One eye to the West
Home rests always in the peripheries
Clouding now’s rounded corners
눈부시다 dazzling, glaring, blinding
눈이 핑핑 돌다
Glaring: My otherness
Dazzling: The warmth with which I’ve been welcomed, in light of blinding otherness
눈7
to be dizzy
오른쪽 / 왼쪽
Right / Left
동쪽 /서쪽
East / West
앞으로 / 뒤돌아보다
Moving forward / Looking back
눈에 설다 // 눈에 익다
To be strange // To be familiar
시차: Constantly calculating the time difference between my past and their future
Feeling disoriented
Say hello in local tongue
눈6
눈3
Raise your eyes to meet the stares
and yet feeling wonderfully at home
Note: 눈 (pronounced “noon”) means both “snow” and “eyes” in Korean.
바람에 날리는 눈 snowflakes that come riding on the wind
Each new fact, new Korean word, new custom I learn is a snowflake
A small crystallization, distinct in form
refracting light in a flurry of culture
It is a particle of water, singular in form
but of the same water that spans its ancient history
It melts on my tongue
I cannot hold its shape
Can only wait for it to snow again
35
눈8 눈이 그대로 있다 The snow is staying
Words crystallizing on a frozen tongue
Sticking as the ground beneath my feet feels
harder, more stable
눈에 덮인 / snow-covered
Language and culture falling
blanketing, like a dazzling mound of snow
눈9 첫눈 // 첫눈에 반하다 the first snowfall // love at first sight
It was warm November when I looked up the road to Halla mountain
And in the distance saw the first snow-capped peaks
Snow with origins in the sea to my back
And I laughed in delight
눈 깜짝할 사이에 / in the twinkling of an eye
falling in love with this place all over again
눈10 눈뜨다 to be awakened
To know I’ll never fully understand
To know I understand more than when I first arrived
That, in truth, I’ve never understood more
about the illusion of difference,
that our eyes have seen the same things:
Visions of pride and pain
Visions of heartache and love
Visions of people lost in a blinding blink of snow
Persimmon Season. Judy Her. Jeongeup. Kristen Bialik is a 2012-2014 ETA at Seogwipo High School in Seogwipo, Jeju-do.
37
Beach. Sarah Chen. Sinan-gun.
39
WE HAVE LOVE AND THE GOD OUTSIDE
1
Kaley Curtis I live in the small moments. I do not remember the details of
parents what I should call them. Unsure, they looked at each other
my first date or that trip to China my family took sometime in high
and laughed until my host dad finally suggested, “King and queen?”
school. But I can tell you about the exact moment when I was 6 years
So I put them in my phone as 왕 and 여왕 and called them that
old crossing the L.A. River on Pacific Street and my sister said her
for months. And so my first semester passed in a blur of resolving
first word (“uh-oh”) as she heard sirens in the distance. I remember
awkwardness with humor, figuring out what to call people, when to
sitting under a crooked tree in Providence, opening my Fulbright ac-
bow, how to stumble through Korean, how to teach, how to deal
ceptance packet with a friend. The comfortable familiarity of having
with crying and bleeding and yelling children, how to be a sister and
sat together exactly like this countless times before, suddenly inter-
daughter and teacher.
rupted by the realization that my college days of midnight walking
Small moments teased from the tumble and tangle of home and
and ninja gardening were coming to a close. Why do people leave
family in Korea: My host siblings asking permission to pull blonde
after they’ve found providence, when they’ve woven scraps of family
hairs from my head, running around the house yelling “We found
into a blanket to fold around them on cold nights?
gold! We’re rich!” The kindergartener who does a full insa2 to each
I came home to L.A. before leaving for Korea. I went to my dad’s
lunch lady reaching to pat my head and say Merry Christmas. A con-
softball game for the first time and saw seals and dolphins at Zuma
versation with a first grader: “Does Spiderman really live in Ameri-
Beach with my mom — too-fast summer memories like fragmentary
ca?” “Yes.” “Really? For real?” “Yes.” Having the same conversation
glimpses between speeding trains. I remember reading after everyone
the next two days. Taking a break from New Year’s cooking to lie
was asleep and banging my shins on the furniture in the dark. Think-
under warm blankets with my host mom and aunts, gossiping about
ing this is what I get for having twin lives on two coasts, and finding
husbands, food, beauty. Thinking I could learn to love these women,
one answer to that nagging question what is home? A place you can
love this life.
navigate in the dark.
I don’t know what you call a place you never expected to call
Korea began sticky and sweaty at a marble university tucked in
home, where none of your oatmeal banana chocolate chip pancake
green mountains and rice fields. Orientation like summer camp: dorm
friends can follow you. Leaving home for a country town where time
rooms, after-school clubs, excursions out of town. And then one day
moves slowly along the riverbank on the way home from school,
camp was over and it was time to start new lives with homes and
pausing for a flower, ice fractaling across a puddle, leaving the nam-
families, and this was also Korea. The first night I asked my host
ing country.
Little Buddha. Katelyn Hemmeke. Haeinsa Temple, Hapcheon-gun. 1. From the poem “The Diverse Causes” by Michael Ondaatje 2. Greetings, traditionally in the form of a bow
41
“
Why do people leave after they’ve found providence, when they’ve woven scraps of family into a blanket to fold around them on cold nights?
I’ve written so many letters to friends, trying to explain my life here. Dear friend, let me prepare a feast for you. To your right is the soup, usually ocean-derived and salty, reminding me of the California coast and family I am missing back home. In front is the rice, pre-
”
cisely measured by my Korean mother based on how hungry I am that day. She makes the most delicious rice in Korea, a careful blend of sticky rice, dry rice and red beans. Before you are the side dishes: radish and cabbage kimchi, dried fish in caramelized peanuts, sesamedipped beans, boiled radish leaves, whole poached fish lovingly prepared by our grandmother. We nibble bits and pieces throughout the meal and I have come to love:
This bird-like way of eating,
my American family
kimchi stew, country life,
stupidly steep Providence hills
this Korean family who loves me,
musical pirates, friends sipping
the host mother who carries happiness like sunshine
late-night Dark and Stormies on unsound porches
All these twin truths, love spilling from so many countries. These are the pieces I have of them here tonight, little moments tied to my wrist with string, pieces of home bobbing across continents.
Headed for Hongseong. Neal Singleton. Cheonan.
Kaley Curtis is a 2012-2014 ETA at Cheonan Yong-So Elementary School in Cheonan, Chuncheongnam-do.
43
This photo: On the Road to Gaeshimsa. Neal Singleton. Seosan. For more on Fulbright Korea, please visit http://fulbright.or.kr. If you wish to contact Fulbright Korea, please email executive.assistant@fulbright.or.kr or call 82-2-3275-4000. The Fulbright Program aims to increase mutual understanding between the people of the United States and other countries through cultural and educational exchange. The Korean-American Educational Commission in Seoul, widely known as the Korea Fulbright Commission, is governed by a Board consisting of equal numbers of Koreans and Americans representing governmental, educational and private sectors. The board makes decisions on overall policies of the Fulbright Program in Korea. The Fulbright Commission is not responsible for opinions expressed in The Fulbright Korea Infusion by individual contributors nor do these in any way reflect official Fulbright Commission policy. The contents of this publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part without permission from the contributor and from the Korea Fulbright Commission.