Masters of Brewtality salutes the American Legion for their surprisingly wicked taste

Spring has sprung, boils and ghouls! And this month, just in time for that fine weather epic partying we’ve all waited so long for, your favorite gaggle of weirdos down here in the Masters of Brewtality crypt are giving a glimpse into one of Flagstaff’s most hidden, exclusive gems. You’ve even probably driven by it a million times without a second thought to what wonders could reside inside its humble outer exterior… The American Legion right on Birch and Humphreys. We’d only made it into this member’s-only watering hole a handful of times thanks to events like the ABV dinner, but, just recently, with the help of members of local noise-merchants Face Pulp, they’ve started hosting latenight underground shows once a month.

Folks, we’re gonna tell you, we’re two shows in, and it’s been epic already. First off, they’re all ages, which as anyone not of drinking age will tell you, is an outlet sorely lacking for the youth of the town. Now, if you’re anything like the staff down here in the crypt, you wake up with a rotating series of aches, pains and pops thanks to the never-ending march of time and seeing kids with fully functioning bodies flying around without a care in the world is, frankly, depressing. But, thankfully, there’s an entire separate bar space attached to the showroom where us dusty fossils can easily drown our sadness with some of the best deals in the entire downtown area. How best are the deals, you ask? We’re talking $3 cans of Tower Stations and green tea shots so cheap, you can buy all your scumbag friends a round and not wind up eating ramen for the next month. They’ve got ice cold brews on draft, as well as featured local favorites from Lumberyard, Joy Bus, and Kiltlifter plus a fully stocked liquor selection. It’s definitely not fancy and probably not a spot to order a mojito, but if you want a simple, strong Jack ‘n’ Coke that won’t break the bank, this is the jam.

On the 15th of this month, the Legion is hosting one of Portland’s favorite black metal acts Drouth alongside local ragers 137 Ways to Kill a Fly and Loaf. It bears mentioning that last month, the singer of

Loaf shredded so hard, he left the pit with a broken, bleeding nose. It was a bloodbath on par with the St. Valentine’s Massacre and was only bettered when one of our favorite local artists jammed her fingers into his shattered nose and reset with an audible pop. So punk! So freakin’ punk! This next show starts at 8 p.m. and tickets are a paltry $5. We can’t recommend this venue and these bands enough if you’re a fan of underground hardcore.

But what if ear shattering punk and metal isn’t your speed? Can just anyone ever access this elite and forbidden wonderland? Well, unless you’re a veteran or the offspring of a veteran, you’re pretty boned if you’re looking for a daily haunt, but hope springs eternal, as the Legion is open to the general public on Wednesdays and Sundays for their bingo nights. No one here in the MOB crypt has ever actually been to a bingo night, but it feels like we met someone once that had, and they heartily endorsed it. We’d give it try just to get at those sweet, sweet drink specials in a heartbeat. Sunday’s bingo starts at 1 p.m., and Wednesday’s is for the night owls with the party getting started at 5 p.m. There’s also food specials! Their Friday Fish Fry, done once a month, has become the stuff of legends and third Thursdays feature a Burgers for the Troops night to benefit veteran aid organizations. Finally, there’s regular, slow smoked BBQ served right out front, too. If you’ve ever been in that Wheeler Park/library/Chase Bank area and gotten a whiff of airborne meat flavor that leaves your mouth watering, it’s the American Legion and we can’t recommend popping by for a plate enough.

For anyone interested in hosting a hootenanny of their own, the back hall is indeed available to rent. We failed on getting rates before this article ran, but, given that underground hardcore shows are notoriously not profitable affairs, we’re going to assume it’s pretty affordably priced. Lastly, a shout out to the staff, all of whom are equally amicable, fast and hilarious. Next show, again, is March 15th, see you freaks and weirdos there!