The summer balancing act

Throughout college, I have been engaged in a constant push and pull battle between recognizing the importance of relaxation and seizing the professional and academic opportunities set before me.

My summers generally go like this: I drive home to Orange County, California from Flagstaff as soon as I possibly can after finals are over; I get rehired at my summer job and work five or six days a week; on my days off, I spend time with my boyfriend, friends and parents

In May and June, I’m usually just getting reacquainted with being back home. I remember familiar things like needing to tell my mother where I’m going every time I leave the house, Sunday pancake breakfasts with my family and late night food with my friends after I get off of work. Almost every morning, I sleep in – a luxury I am almost never afforded during the school year. My boyfriend and I take turns planning dates.

In July, I start to get antsy. Maybe I shouldn’t have just been relaxing all summer? My college friends are getting everything they could want out of their internships and jobs. I start to look forward to going back to Flagstaff; in part, because I miss it, but also because I want to feel like I’m doing something again. I keep sleeping in, even though I’ve always been a morning person.

Every summer until this one, I put off seeking an internship, dangling my feet in job pools until eventually picking up where I left off at my summer job. I’d rather make some money to help me through the school year. I could do both, sure, but I’d rather have leisure time.

I prioritize my time to re-center, take a deep breath and get nine hours of sleep while never truly being able to relax because of the looming guilt and, most of all, chronophobia. I feel like I’m running out of time. I associate a lack of an internship or professional opportunity with a certain failure in life.

But I am 21 years old, and I’m OK. Nothing is going anywhere. Opportunities will be there when I need them. I get more than enough experience during the school year; in fact, that’s why I find myself so in need of a break by the time spring semester ends

In August, I finally relax a little. I prepare for the year ahead. I enjoy the coastal breeze, the Sunday pancakes and time with my loved ones as much as I can. I don’t scoff at telling my mother where I’m going when I leave the house; rather, it becomes second nature, and I remember I’m grateful that someone cares about my whereabouts

I suddenly remember that time to relax is productive and working will help me sustain myself throughout the school year, and everything is OK. Ironically, I finally slip into a perfect natural balance between feeling productive and taking time for myself. And just when I do, it’s time for me to schlep my belongings back to Flagstaff and get used to a new balancing act.