days of search
innocent child? His heart was broken, his whole world collapsed even though he had four remaining children. Dad (George) eventually carried on in life, but he never did recover, nor did it prompt him to search for answers to the tragedy. Strange indeed, that although our family, working class as it was, had, through Dad and Mam’s hard work, many of the material benefits of living, yet these were of little benefit to any of us to be able to cope with the calamity of Peter’s sudden and violent death. Black grief descended and enveloped every thought, every hope, every aspiration! Mam’s response to Peter’s death was so different to Dad’s. She had to find out ‘why’! Is there a purpose and meaning to life beyond just physically existing? If we are here today, gone tomorrow, why is life so transient? Why do innocent children die while some adults who commit heinous crimes live long? Perhaps in the back of Mam’s mind was the thought that Peter’s death should not be in vain. She certainly set about searching for answers with a driven sense of mission. Over years she visited many churches, beliefs and religious societies. From time to time I accompanied her, learned quite a bit, but developed a distinct dislike of clergymen, not necessarily the person, but the ‘office’ they represented. I remember wanting to ask questions during their sermons, but centuries of passivity by the congregation and a general air of superiority by the clergy rendered the atmosphere impermeable. So, I sat there quiet, but fuming inside. In some cases, I would approach the minister after the sermon and ask questions, particularly where science and religion seemed to clash. Responses ranged from polite snubs to beliefs that deny the existence of a rational human being, never mind an intelligent Creator. Mam, however, was not there to argue, an activity I was beginning to enjoy – she was a seeker and truth was her goal. The most pressing question after Peter’s death, however, was ‘is there life after death?’ Quite naturally we wanted to know that if there is life after death, could we contact Peter? Together we visited several Spiritualist Churches in the Cardiff area and were 3
