CAMARADERIE IN CAREGIVING by Lauren Clark
A
MAN SITS IN A CAREGIVER SUPPORT GROUP and goes home afterwards to an empty yet peaceful home. He lost his wife 12 years ago, but still attends the same support group he leaned on during her final years. He honors her memory by mentoring those who will experience similar challenges and joys just as he did all the way through the end and through the bereavement process. Many faces have come and gone over the years, with various emotions etched on them from hope to exhaustion, but he remains, as does Sharon Oakes, the facilitator of the group.
10 COMING OF AGE SPRING 2022
Oakes, now 72, came out of retirement more than a decade ago after sitting by her mother’s side as she received care from hospice services. As a professionallytrained social worker, Oakes worked with the Department of Children and Families for more than 25 years. Oakes immediately fell in love with hospice and knew that she could use her skills and experiences as a volunteer with the sick and imminently dying, serving those on the other end of life. Driven by faith and the feeling that everyone is her brother or sister, Oakes feels a responsibility to be a caregiver for everyone she meets as if they were her own family. This perspective shows in her support groups. What started as a small support group in Milton grew into another and another and another; she currently runs six groups simultaneously, with plans to expand to meet growing needs. “Caregiver support groups empower seniors, particularly caregivers, to handle a crisis,” Oakes said. “They don’t know what it will be, but one day there will be a crisis; be it dementia or fall that leads to a broken hip and rehab.” Oakes facilitates numerous support groups in the area that meet different needs depending on the group. Some focus primarily on education, others function as a group therapy class and
some as just a place for others to seek advice. When recommending support groups to others, she always asks a caregiver if they primarily want to vent or discuss specific challenges or if they are more interested in education first. Whatever the setting, all support groups allow you to come and listen to others speak about the various stages of the disease. “They show you that you aren’t alone and help you learn techniques to support your loved one,” Oakes explained. “There is camaraderie, and always chocolate,” she added with a cheeky grin. Oakes explains that as facilitator, she does not do any direct mentoring for the group. She facilitates and brings resources, but it is the group members that mentor each other. Council on Aging of West Florida hosts several caregiver support groups, including specialized groups for grandparents raising grandchildren, for the children of individuals diagnosed with dementia and for those living with Huntington’s Disease. Council on Aging of West Florida Adult Day Care Director, Jessica Ayers, recently established the newest support group called When Roles are Reversed, for adults whose parents have recently been diagnosed with dementia or perhaps they have taken over the role of caretaker for their parent. “We are now in
