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Page 10 with DeeDee Davis

Page 10

DeeDee Davis, Contributing Writer

June is traditionally the month of weddings, but I have a good friend who is in the midst of a June divorce. She is hopeful that the whole mess will be over soon, but there will still be issues to deal with. As is usually the case, she wants to be rid of any reminders of their time together, including his name.

Gone are the days when a woman automatically takes the last name of the man she marries. Most women do take the name of their first husband, though it gets a little more complicated as divorce and multiple marriages enter the picture. Making the decision to retain a maiden name actually peaked in the 1990s when approximately 23 percent of first timers said no thank you to taking their man’s name.

Social behavior involved with a name change is also very interesting. Even now, women who opt out of dropping their maiden names to become the little missus are considered to be extraordinarily independent, headstrong and, OMG, women’s libbers. “Women’s lib” is one of those terms that most people use with a snarl and a grunt of disgust, rating it right up there with “liberal.” Furthermore, it seems that the only time most people really accept and approve of a woman keeping her name is when she is in medicine or the world of entertainment. Maybe women should take a lesson from Cher, Madonna, Beyoncé and Lady Gaga. They have so trademarked their first names, that their surname is irrelevant.

With a recent walk down the aisle, or in my case a walk down the beach, I gave a lot of thought to this issue and my friend’s situation. I never considered not taking my husband’s name, but that is my personal choice and is certainly not for everyone. I have another friend who uses one name professionally and a different name personally, resulting in mass confusion and a postman who hates her guts. People do wonder if they are actually married or whatever. I also know people who resolve the question by hyphenating their maiden name with their married name. Quite a mouthful, though it does seem to work well for Congresswoman WassermanSchultz. I wonder if she would have done the same if her married name had been Sniderman. The hyphenation makes marriage sound more like a corporate merger to me.

Many women face a dilemma after divorce, particularly when children are involved. The marriage breaks up and you don’t want any part of him, especially his name. But, the children have the name and it is far more convenient to just leave it as it is. If you have gone through the process that comes with a name change, including new Homeland Security requirements, you know what I am talking about. Driver’s license, credit cards, passport, etc are bureaucratic nightmares. The most challenging question comes after the second divorce. Do you keep the name? Do you revert back to the children’s father’s last name? Do you race for the pre-marriage security blanket of your maiden name? What’s a girl to do? The strongest force behind this decision at this particular time in life is usually your career. If you are a public figure and well known in professional circles by a name, it makes little sense to change it. Everyone has become accustomed to knowing you by this name so why confuse people unnecessarily?

Changing your name is a lot like changing your hair color. It takes a little getting used to but before you know it you can’t even remember how it used to be. Plus, you only made the change to improve something. Unless, of course, you chose purple hair. That was a really bad decision and was probably made either under the influence of something or at a weak moment—much like a Vegas wedding. Then you wake up and wonder “What was I thinking?” At least it wasn’t a tattoo, as you can undo hair color and marital status.

I rather like having a last name that you don’t have to spell every time you use it, unlike my maiden name. Additionally, it has probably been less of an issue for me because I have used a nickname all my life rather than my given name of Theresa. It makes a new name far less traumatizing as I was already using a sort of an alias at a very young age.

Like so many things in life, it is all about choices and personal decisions, and isn’t it wonderful that we have options?

JUNE BIRTHDAYS

7 Clair Montgomery 19 Harry Levin 22 Moose Morris 30 Jackie Gheen

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