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Dear Readers,
As we celebrate Tu B’Shvat, we can ask a fundamental question: Tu B’Shvat, the Yom Tov for trees, marks the beginning of a new agricultural cycle. However, when we look outside, the trees are barren, the ground is covered in snow, and spring feels far away. Wouldn’t it make more sense to celebrate this milestone when the first flowers bloom, or perhaps in the fall after we’ve enjoyed the fruits of the trees?
Similarly, in last week’s Parsha, Bnei Yisroel reached a place in the Midbar called Marah. Desperate for water, they find it bitter and undrinkable. They cry out to Moshe Rabbeinu, who in turn davens to Hashem. In His mercy, Hashem instructs Moshe to throw a tree into the water, and miraculously, the water turns sweet, allowing them to continue their journey to Har Sinai.
Why was a tree chosen as the instrument to sweeten the water? A tree in the desert seems useless. Hashem could have used sand, a rock, or simply the power of Moshe’s Tefillah alone. Why was the action of throwing a tree into the water necessary?
The connection between the tree in the Parsha and the trees of Tu B’Shvat runs deeper
than their coincidental appearance in the calendar. The barren trees of winter may look lifeless, as if they will never blossom again. Yet, beneath the surface, the sap is flowing, preparing for the lush greenery and fruits of the coming seasons. Similarly, a tree in the desert may seem insignificant, but it provides shade and relief from the scorching sun when needed most.
These trees teach us a profound lesson: even when things seem bleak, there is hidden potential and life stirring beneath the surface. Just as we do not abandon the trees in their dormant state, we should not lose hope in ourselves during difficult times. What appears barren today is merely a stage in the cycle of growth and renewal.
Life has moments of challenge when the future seems uncertain, but salvation can arrive in the blink of an eye. Within each of us, there is a source of strength—our own internal “sap”—that is preparing us for future growth. In time, we will bloom, bear fruit, and provide nourishment and shelter for future generations.
Wishing everyone a peaceful Shabbos Aaron M. Friedman
Send us your: community events, articles & photos, and mazal tovs to editor@baltimorejewishhome.com to be featured in coming editions!
Around the Community
Vizhnitzer Rebbe From Montreal Visits Torah Institute
The Vizhnitzer Rebbe from Montreal recently paid a special visit to Torah Institute, an event that left a lasting impression on both students and faculty alike. The Rebbe, known for his deep wisdom, humility, and leadership, was warmly welcomed by the school’s community. During his visit, the Rebbe shared powerful words of Divrei Chizzuk (words of encouragement), inspiring the students to strengthen their commitment to Torah and mitzvot.
His message emphasized the importance of maintaining a close connection with Hashem through the daily practice of learning Torah and performing good deeds. The Rebbe spoke passionately about the value of perseverance in spiritual growth and the significance of each individual’s contribution to the broader community. His words resonated deeply with the boys, who were captivated by his sincerity and wisdom.
After his words of inspiration, each student had the rare and cherished opportunity to personally greet the Rebbe and say “Shalom” to him. This moment was not only a profound experience for the boys, but also a reminder of the Rebbe’s accessibility and dedication to the well-being of his followers. The visit reinforced the importance of community, Torah learning, and spiritual connection, leaving everyone present with a renewed sense of purpose and devotion to their faith.
The Vizhnitzer Rebbe’s visit to Torah Institute will surely be remembered as a milestone in the lives of those fortunate enough to have been present.
CHAIM
Monday February 17th
9:30 am
Yoga with Deborah Bandos
10:00 am
Baking with Yehudis
11:00 am
Discussion Group with Rabbi KarpParshas Yisro Dilemmas
1:00 pm
Arts & Crafts with Shifra
2:00 pm
Music with Mr. Fried
Tuesday February 18th
9:30 am
Yoga with Deborah Bandos
10:15 am
Anagrams with Malka Zweig
11:00 am
Discussion Group with Rabbi KarpKosher Chocolate History
1:00 pm
BINGO
1:45 pm
Guitar with Yossi K
WEEKLY CALENDAR
FEBRUARY 17TH - FEBRUARY 21ST
Wednesday February 19th
9:30 am
Yoga with Deborah Bandos
10:15 am
Anagrams with Malka Zweig
10:30 am
Bais Yaakov Middle School Visit
11:00 am
Discussion Group with Rabbi Karp- Jury duty- live feed from "The Quiet Room"
1:00 pm
Arts & Crafts with Shifra
1:45 pm
Guitar with Yossi K
Thursday February 20th
9:30 am
Yoga with Deborah Bandos
10:15 am
Anagrams with Malka Zweig
11:00 am
Discussion Group with Rabbi Karp- Hashkafa and Halacha / BechiraFreedom of Choice and Fish
1:00 pm
Arts & Crafts with Shifra
1:45 pm
Guitar with Yossi K
Friday February 21st
10:00 am
Baking with Yehudis
11:00 am
Discussion Group with Rabbi KarpParshas Mishpatim Overview
1:00 pm
Music with Aharon Grayson
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Around the Community
TA 3rd Grade Haschalas Mishnayos
Mazel tov to the 3rd grade at Yeshivas Chofetz Chaim-Talmudical Academy of Baltimore on their recent Haschalas Mishnayos!
MS-CLINICAL MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELING
MS-EDUCATIONAL LEADERSHIP
MBA-BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION
MHA-HEALTHCARE ADMINISTRATION
BS-BUSINESS
BS-BEHAVIORAL SCIENCE/HUMAN SERVICES
BS-CYBER SECURITY
BS-DATA SCIENCE
Greater Washington: Around the Community
Maryland Jewish War Veterans Stand Strong Against Antisemitism With Solidarity Visit To Char Bar
By: BJLife Newsroom
In a powerful display of unity and resilience, members of the Jewish War Veterans of the USA, Maryland Free State Post 167, traveled from Baltimore to Washington, D.C., for a luncheon at Char Bar, a kosher restaurant that was targeted, on the anniversary of Kristalnacht, in an antisemitic attack. The trip was coordinated by Dan Berkovitz, Joel Poznansky, and Devora Exline, ensuring that veterans could come together in support of the Jewish community and take a stand against hate.
Char Bar, a well-known kosher dining establishment in Washington, D.C., suffered an attack in which its windows were smashed in what authorities and community members believe to be an antisemitic incident. In response, Post 167 arranged this visit to show solidarity, reinforcing the values of strength and unity within the Jewish community.
“We are here not just to enjoy a meal, but to make a statement,” said
Joel Poznansky. “Attacks on Jewish institutions affect us all, and we won’t stand by silently when our community is targeted.”
During the luncheon, veterans reflected on the importance of standing together in the face of rising antisemitism. The event also served as an opportunity to discuss the ongoing efforts of the Jewish War Veterans of the USA in promoting awareness and combating hatred nationwide.
Post 167, a chapter of the oldest active veterans’ organization in the country, remains dedicated to honoring Jewish military service and defending the rights and safety of Jewish communities. This visit to Char Bar underscores our commitment to confronting antisemitism head-on and supporting Jewish businesses that have been affected by hate.
If you are a veteran of the Jewish faith, please consider joining.
Greater Washington Weekday Minyanim Guide
6:15 am Young Israel Shomrai Emunah M-F
6:25 am Southeast Hebrew Cong., Knesset Yehoshua M-F
6:30 am Beth Sholom Congregation M-F
Beit Halevi (Sfardi) M, T
Chabad of Silver Spring M-F
Ohev Shalom Talmud Torah OLNEY M-F
Young Israel Shomrai Emunah S YGW M, Th
6:35 am Ohr Hatorah M, Th
6:40 am YGW S, T, W, F
Magen David Sephardic Congregation M-Th
6:45 am Beit Halevi (Sfardi) S, T, W, F
Kemp Mill Synagogue M, Th
Ohr Hatorah T, W, F
Young Israel Shomrai Emunah M, Th
6:50 am Woodside Synagogue/Ahavas Torah M, Th Silver Spring Jewish Center M-F
Chabad of Upper Montgomery County M-F
6:55 am Young Israel Shomrai Emunah T, W, F
7:00 am Kemp Mill Synagogue T, W, F
Southeast Hebrew Cong., Knesset Yehoshua S Silver Spring Jewish Center S
Woodside Synagogue/Ahavas Torah T, W, F
Young Israel Ezras Israel of Potomac T, W, F
7:05 am Kesher Israel M, Th
7:15 am Kemp Mill Synagogue M, Th Kesher Israel T, W, F
Ohev Sholom Talmud Torah/The National Synagogue M-F
Ohr Hatorah S
7:30 am Chabad of DC M-F
Chabad of Potomac M-F JROC M-F
Kemp Mill Synagogue T, W, F
Southeast Hebrew Cong., Knesset Yehoshua M-F
Young Israel Shomrai Emunah S Young Israel Shomrai Emunah (Sfardi) M-F
7:45 am YGW (Yeshiva Session Only) S-F
8:00 am Beth Sholom Congregation S
Kemp Mill Synagogue S
Kesher Israel S
Ohev Shalom Talmud Torah OLNEY S
Southeast Hebrew Cong., Knesset Yehoshua S Chabad of Upper Montgomery County S Woodside Synagogue/Ahavas Torah S
8:00 am YGW (High School; School-Contingent) S-F
Young Israel Ezras Israel of Potomac S Young Israel Shomrai Emunah (Sfardi) S
8:05 am Ezras Israel Congregation of Rockville M, Th
8:15 am Ohr Hatorah S Ezras Israel Congregation of Rockville S, T, W, F
Kehilat Pardes / Berman Hebrew Academy S-F Silver Spring Jewish Center M-F
8:30 am Chabad of DC S Chabad of Potomac S JROC S Ohev Sholom Talmud Torah/The National Synagogue S Silver Spring Jewish Center S YGW (Summer Only) S-F
8:45 am Young Israel Shomrai Emunah S-F
9:00 am Chabad of Silver Spring S
Kemp Mill Synagogue S
mincha
12:30 pm YGW Sunday
1:00 pm Silver Spring Jewish Center M-F
1:10 pm YGW M-Th
3:00 pm YGW Middle School School Days
mincha/maariv
Before Shkiah (15-18 minutes), S-TH
Beit Halevi (Sfardi)
Beth Sholom Congregation
Chabad of Potomac
Chabad of Silver Spring
Chabad of Upper Montgomery County
Ezras Israel Congregation of Rockville (20 min before, S-F) JROC
Rabbi Laib Schulman: Cultivating Individual Growth Through Personalized Torah Learning
In the heart of Baltimore, Mesivta N’eimus HaTorah stands apart as a sanctuary where every student’s unique journey is nurtured. Rabbi Laib Schulman, the Rosh Mesivta, shares his vision, challenges, and the heart behind a yeshiva dedicated to ensuring that every talmid experiences the “sweetness of Torah.”
Q: R’ Laib, what inspired you to found Mesivta N’eimus HaTorah, and what is the significance of its name?
Rabbi Laib Schulman: “When I first envisioned this yeshiva, I knew that every boy deserves to experience Torah in a way that speaks to his own heart and pace. ‘N’eimus HaTorah’ – the sweetness of Torah – is more than just a name. It reflects our core belief that Torah is not only a body of learning but also a source of nourishment for the soul. Many of our students have struggled in conventional settings, and our mission is to show them that with personalized care, they too can discover that sweetness.”
Q: Your approach is notably tailored. How do you and your team determine each student’s unique path?
Rabbi Laib Schulman: “First, we begin by really getting to know each student—not just their academic strengths and weaknesses, but also their passions, backgrounds, and personal challenges. Once we understand the students, we can choose what material to teach, and how to reach each student.”
Q: Many of your students have faced obstacles in traditional educational settings. What challenges do they typically bring with them?
Rabbi Laib Schulman:
“Every student’s story is different. Some have struggled with learning disabilities; others have felt lost or invisible in large classrooms. Some come from challenging home environments. They often come to us after years of feeling unsupported or misunderstood. Our role is not only to educate but also to rebuild their self-esteem and faith in their own potential. It’s about turning setbacks into stepping stones for growth.”
Q: Could you share a story that exemplifies the transformative power of this individualized approach?
Rabbi Laib Schulman: “There was a young man who, after years of struggling with traditional methods, simply couldn’t
keep up with his peers. We helped him use a specific hobby that he had, develop it, and built his self-esteem. Today, years later, he is gainfully employed and is Kovaya Ittim L’Torah.”
Q: In a setting where personalized attention is so central, how do you balance academic rigor with the need for emotional and spiritual support?
Rabbi Laib Schulman: “The two are inseparable. True Torah study isn’t just about memorization or grades— it’s about growth as a person. Our educators are not only scholars; they’re mentors and role models. By fostering an environment of trust and genuine care, we create a space where academic excellence naturally follows personal development. It’s a gradual process, but every small breakthrough reinforces the belief that each boy is capable of great things.”
Q: How do you see the future of Torah education evolving, especially for students who don’t fit the traditional mold?
Rabbi Laib Schulman: “The future is bright, provided we continue to innovate and adapt. I envision a world where every student, regardless of their past or learning style, finds a place within the Torah community. By celebrating each boy’s unique journey, we’re planting seeds for a future filled with empowered Torah scholars and ethical leaders.”
Q: What role does the community play in supporting your mission, and how can they get involved?
Rabbi Laib Schulman: “Our community is our backbone. Support comes in many forms—be it through mentorship, financial contributions, or simply sharing
our story with others. When people understand that every donation or word of encouragement directly contributes to a boy’s transformation, they realize they’re investing in a future where each individual has the chance to shine. We’re always open to new partnerships and ways to expand our impact.”
Q: Reflecting on your personal journey, how has your own experience shaped your approach to leadership and education?
Rabbi Laib Schulman: “My path in Torah study has been one of both challenges and triumphs. I’ve seen firsthand how transformative it is when a teacher believes in a student’s potential. The students I taught years ago, who I see learning every night in Shul, fuel my passion for this work every day. I strive to be that unwavering source of support, ensuring that each student knows they are not only capable but truly valued.”
Q: Finally, how can the community further support Neimus HaTorah?
Rabbi Laib Schulman: “Community support is vital to our mission. It comes in many forms—from personal mentorship and volunteer efforts to financial contributions. One direct way to help us continue nurturing each student’s unique potential is by participating in our current crowdfunding campaign. I encourage everyone to visit thechesedfund.com/neimushatorah/2025 and join us in investing in a future where every talmid experiences the sweetness of Torah. Your support truly makes a transformative difference.”
Level p
a professional development day for women in the community
sunday, march 2 | 9 am - 12 pm | BJSZ social hall
9:00 AM BREAKFAST & NETWORKING
keynote speaker:
REBBETZIN DR. MIRIAM MARWICK
internal success: finding authenticity in your profession rebbetzin, shomrei emunah, senior vice president, palantir technologies
10:15 AM
CONCURRENT SESSIONS
LEVEL UP YOUR VALUE
mrs. leah berry | regional director, aipac p ositioning for advancement and growth
LEVEL UP YOUR BUSINESS
mrs. gilda naiman | owner of gifts by gilda unlocking the secrets to a successful business
LEVEL UP YOUR CARE
dr. moshay cooper | pediatrician, johns hopkins medicine humanity in medicine: lessons learned along the way
11:15 AM
CONCURRENT SESSIONS
LEVEL UP YOUR POTENTIAL
mrs. naami schorr | overbrook coaching & consulting discover your gifts. transform your work.
LEVEL UP YOUR CLASSROOM
m rs. ruthie kinzer | educator & school consultant elevate engagement: ready-to-use strategies for monday morning!
6602 park heights ave
register at wits . edu / pdday
$25 for community members $15 for wits/maalot alumnae
613 Seconds with Faige Katz, Career360
BJH: Please give us some background about yourself.
Faige Katz: I grew up in Toronto and moved to Baltimore after getting married. Baltimore is a great place to live and raise a family, offering both a friendly, out-of-town vibe and a strong Jewish infrastructure. I’m grateful to be part of this vibrant, Torah-true community with incredible Rabbanim, schools, shuls and many wonderful organizations.
BJH: What is your professional background?
FK: For over twelve years, I worked part-time as a Resume Specialist at Jewish Community Services’ Career Department. I interviewed clients and wrote their resumes. To write a resume, I first needed to learn about their jobs and industries. Over time, I gained extensive knowledge in various career fields, which provided the background necessary for the career testing and counseling that I conduct today.
BJH: What do you currently do?
FK: For the past five years, I have been
administering career aptitude testing to help students and professionals identify suitable career paths. I trained as a Highlands Certified Consultant and use the Highlands Ability Battery, which is the gold standard in career testing. Overall, I have nearly 18 years of experience assisting people with their job search. Most recently, I’ve been working to ensure our community has a robust job board to assist employers with their vacancies and people with their job search.
BJH: Many people know you from the Jewish Children’s Library. How are you involved in the library?
FK: Eight years ago, together with an amazing team of board members and loads of siyata d’shmaya, I founded the Jewish Children’s Library located in Shomrei Emunah and still run it today. We have a weekly rotation of five or six middle and high school girls who volunteer to help run the library. Every summer, I join the Baltimore City YouthWorks program and supervise 2 or 3 youth in bookbinding and library database tasks. During bein hazmanim, I hire yeshiva bochrim to bookbind new books. I enjoy offering wholesome reading material and providing young people with work and volunteer opportunities.
BJH: What does a Career Counselor do?
FK: As a Career Counselor, I guide individuals to their ideal way to make parnassah, whether it’s pursuing additional education or training or finding a job. Using a holistic approach, I offer career aptitude
testing, career counseling, interview prep, and salary negotiation sessions. It’s all about using one’s unique talents, interests, and skills to find the best-fitting type of work.
BJH: Has AI taken over any parts of the job search process?
FK: Absolutely! I’ve been recommending an AI interviewing practice website to my clients for a while. You can ask ChatGBT to enhance your resume and create a matching cover letter. AI offers many tools in this area. I try to stay updated on how AI can aid job seekers, and it’s impressive what it can do.
BJH: Can you tell us more about the job board?
FK: I recently collaborated with MacherUSA.com, a popular job board in the tristate area, to add Baltimore to heir site.
BJH: Why did you feel the need for a job board in Baltimore?
FK: BH Baltimore is growing! Employers need access to job seekers beyond their existing network. Job seekers need access to job openings. Not everybody “knows someone.” Since I deal with people looking for their first job and professionals in transition, I was acutely aware of this need. I believe a centralized job board such as MacherUSA has the potential to connect local employers with local job seekers.
BJH: Why did you choose MacherUSA over all the other job boards?
FK: The MacherUSA job board
is user-friendly and efficient. It allows job seekers to view listings and submit resumes easily, while employers can manage listings and correspondence on the platform. It supports both public and anonymous job listings based on employer preferences. Many employers need to hire but are hesitant to put it on a public forum and MacherUSA allows you to post completely anonymously. I’m excited to bring this level of professionalism to Baltimore.
BJH: How do you define success for MacherUSA?
FK: Success is when job seekers find employment and employers fill their vacancies.
BJH: What else do you recommend people do when looking for a job?
FK: Network! Even with a job board, networking remains crucial. I encourage people to contact the Baltimore Job Network, reach out to recruiters, connect with others in the industry, and get on the Baltimore Frum Jobs WhatsApp chat.
BJH: Any final thoughts?
FK: The success of MacherUSA relies on people using the site. Employers are encouraged to post their open positions, regardless of size, type, level, or sector. MacherUSA is waiving the listing fee for Baltimore employers through summer 2025, and it’s always free for job seekers, so try it out! This initiative aims to benefit the Baltimore Community for many years. For more information, visit macherUSA.com or email fkatz@career360.net.
The Week In News
The Week In News
China, Thailand Combat Scams
On Thursday, Paetongtarn Shinawatra, the prime minister of Thailand, met with Chinese President Xi Jinping in Beijing, and together both leaders pledged to combat scammers wreaking havoc in the Southeast Asian neighbors of China and Thailand.
Recently, Myanmar, Cambodia, and Laos have become hubs for dangerous online scams that promise well-paying jobs to people all around the world. When individuals fall for these scams, they’re brought to secretive compounds and then enslaved by the criminal organizations that run the operations.
The scams have hit Thailand hard. Thai scammers have coaxed many Chinese citizens, including an actor named Wang Xing, into accepting fake jobs in Bangkok, from which they’re forced into a Myanmar scam compound.
Chinese Vice Minister of Public Security Liu Zhongyi has said that China and Thailand have taken several measures to combat the problem, including visiting the borders that Thailand shares with the Southeast Asian countries.
“China appreciates Thailand’s strong measures to combat online gambling fraud. Both sides should continue to strengthen law enforcement, security, and judicial cooperation,” Xi was quoted to have said.
“Thailand is willing to strengthen law enforcement cooperation with China and other neighboring countries and take resolute and effective measures to combat cross-border crimes such as online gambling and fraud,” added Paetongtarn.
Before Paetongtarn’s visit to China,
Thailand, in an effort to crack down on the scams, shut down electricity in some locations in Myanmar near the border.
This was the first time Paetongtarn has visited China since she became her country’s prime minister. Her visit coincided with the 50th anniversary since Beijing and Bangkok established diplomatic relations.
During the same meeting, Xi declared that China would be open to constructing a new railway linking the two nations. Earlier that week, a $10 billion railway project that would link Bangkok to the Laos-China high-speed railway was approved in Thailand.
Colombian
Pres.: “Legalize Cocaine”
President Gustavo Petro of Colombia declared last week that “cocaine is no worse than whiskey” and that the drug is illegal, not because of its lethality or addictiveness, but “because it is made in Latin America.”
Petro became president in 2022 after campaigning to combat drug trafficking. Since then, cocaine production in Colombia has grown substantially. From 2022 to 2023, coca leaves cultivation rose 10% in Colombia, with potential cocaine production increasing by a record 53%. Now, Petro is proposing an almost paradoxical way to end cocaine trafficking: to legalize the drug.
Petro, during the meeting on Tuesday, compared cocaine to alcohol, which survived failed attempts at prohibition.
“If you want peace, you have to dismantle the business (of drug trafficking),” Petro declared. “It could easily be dismantled if they legalize cocaine in the world. It would be sold like wine.”
Petro compared cocaine to fentanyl, a drug responsible for the United States’ opioid epidemic. He noted that “fentanyl was created as a pharmacy drug by North American multinationals” and makes users into addicts. “It is killing Americans, but it’s not made in Colombia,” Petro noted.
Colombia exports more cocaine to the world than any other country— mostly to the United States and Europe. Most countries consider cocaine, the fourth most consumed drug in the world, to be illegal. A few countries have legalized the drug in small amounts.
Though Petro declared that science supports his claims, cocaine is shown to cause serious medical complications, including addiction, overdose, and death.
Brazil: No Smartphones in School
In January, Brazilian President Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva signed a bill limiting smartphone access at schools, in line with a trend seen in the U.S. and Europe. The new law went into effect last week and applies to public and private schools, in classrooms and the halls.
When needed for classroom use with a teacher’s permission, the students are able to access their smartphones. Additionally, if they are needed for a student’s health, they have permission to use them. Schools are able to set their own guidelines, such as whether students can keep phones in backpacks or store them in lockers or designated baskets.
Before the federal law, most of Brazil’s 26 states — including Rio de Janeiro, Maranhao and Goias — had already applied some restrictions to phone use in schools. As of 2023, nearly two-thirds of Brazilian schools had some limitations, with 28% banning them entirely, according to a survey last year by the Brazilian Internet Steering Committee.
Brazil’s Ministry of Education said in a statement on Monday that the restriction aims to protect students’ mental and physical health while promoting more rational use of technology.
In May, Fundacao Getulio Vargas, a leading think-tank and university, said Brazil had more smartphones than people, with 258 million devices for a population of 203 million Brazilians. Local market researchers said last year that Brazilians spend 9 hours and 13 minutes per day on screens, which is among one of the world’s highest rates of use.
L’Oreal Heiress to Retire
Francoise Bettencourt Meyers, worth around $77 billion, recently announced that she will retire from L’Oreal’s board later this year.
The move, announced Thursday alongside L’Oreal’s annual results, comes after Bettencourt Meyers spent 28 years on the board of the company her grandfather founded. She served the last five years as the board’s vice chairwoman and owns a third of L’Oreal.
The heiress will pass on her vicechair position to her son Jean-Victor Meyers, a director on L’Oreal’s board alongside his brother Nicolas Meyers. The 71-year-old L’Oreal heiress also chairs the family’s investment company, Téthys, the largest shareholder in the cosmetics company. Her husband, Jean-Pierre Meyers, is the CEO.
L’Oreal owns brands like Garnier, Maybelline, and Aesop.
Bettencourt Meyers has also proposed that Alexandre Benais, the deputy CEO of Téthys, take her spot on L’Oreal’s board to represent the family holding company. The decision will be up for a vote at the company’s annual general meeting.
Bettencourt Meyers was once the world’s richest woman, with her wealth briefly soaring past $100 billion in 2023 amid strong stock performance by L’Oreal. But L’Oreal’s shares have struggled since then amid weaker demand for skin care and cosmetics, particularly in China. The company’s shares are down 25% in the last year. Alice Walton, heiress of the Walmart empire, is now the world’s richest woman.
Unlike many other billionaires, Bettencourt Meyers keeps her life private. She has written two books, one on the Bible and another on Greek gods, and is known to be an avid piano player, Bloomberg reported in December 2023.
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The Week In News
Islamization in New Syrian Textbooks
The Institute for Monitoring Peace and Cultural Tolerance in School Education (IMPACT-se) has reported that Syria, now controlled by the rebels who overthrew Bashar al-Assad, is implementing several changes to the country’s educational system, modifying textbooks and curriculums.
Among the many changes, the title of a science chapter for first graders will be changed from “The Gifts(s) of Nature” to “The Gift(s) from Allah.” In emphasizing Islam, the ministry of education will also be removing an eighth grade biology textbook chapter called “The Origin of Life and its Development on Earth.”
Lessons will become more pro-Turkey, changing mentions of the “Ottoman occupation” of Syria to the “Ottoman regime” and removing passages from a third grade textbook that detail Ottoman “injustice and oppression” against Arabs.
To distance the new regime from Assad, the education ministry will be removing pro-Assad lessons and images, including a picture in a first grade chemistry textbook of Assad’s Syrian flag at the Olympics and an exercise in a second grade textbook about “Defenders of the Lands,” the former national anthem.
Some parts of the educational system have been carried over from the previous regime, however. Anti-Western and antisemitic sentiment remains in the modified Syrian textbooks, including the notions that Westerners are heartless colonizers, Judaism is “ethnically exclusive,” and Zionism is “racist and expansionist” and is in pursuit of world domination. Fifth grade textbooks will still praise Dalal al-Mughrabi, a Palestinian terrorist who murdered 38 Israelis in the 1978 Coastal Road bus massacre, as a hero.
Also notable is the new regime’s crackdown on female representation in the cur-
riculums. Syria has removed mentions of women relevant to Arab history, including Nazik al-Abid, Queen Zenobia, and Khawla bint al-Azwar. Images of women without hijabs will also be removed.
“The dramatic fall of the murderous Assad regime heralds the opportunity for a new beginning in Syria. Education plays a pivotal role in shaping this path. However, the textbook reforms introduced by the new regime less than a month after assuming power demonstrate an increasing Islamization,” said Marcus Sheff, the CEO of IMPACT-se. “These textbook revisions are concerning. We will be presenting policy recommendations to the international community so they can advocate for a Syrian curriculum, which embraces international standards of peace and tolerance.”
“Father of Namibia” Dies
Namibian President Nangolo Mbumba on Sunday announced the death of Sam Nujoma, the first president of Namibia and a freedom fighter who helped secure the country’s independence from South Africa in 1990.
Nujoma, who was 95, passed away on Saturday night following his hospitalization in Windhoek, the capital of the country. He was Namibia’s president for 15 years.
“The foundations of the Republic of Namibia have been shaken,” Mbumba, the current president, stated. “Over the past three weeks, the Founding President of the Republic of Namibia and Founding Father of the Namibian Nation was hospitalized for medical treatment and medical observation due to ill health.”
Mbumba declared that Nujoma “marshalled the Namibian people during the darkest hours of our liberation struggle.”
Nujoma, known as the father of the nation, is widely seen as the most prominent figure in the country’s history. The beloved leader led Namibia’s fight against
MANAGING FINANCES
WHO SHOULD ATTEND?
If you answer “Yes” to any of these questions, this seminar is for you!
• Are you facing, for the first time, as a single or a couple, the challenges of managing your money and are not really sure how to do it?
Send your names, the number of attendees and your Email address to: LSJBaltimore@Gmail.com
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colonialism and South African control, serving a similar role as other African leaders of the time who combated apartheid and white minority rule, including Nelson Mandela of South Africa; Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe; Kenneth Kaunda of Zambia; Julius Nyerere of Tanzania; and Samora Machel of Mozambique.
Nujoma, during his time as independence leader, spent almost 30 years in exile in Tanzania following his 1959 arrest for protesting. While in exile, he formed the South West People’s Organization (SWAP), which has been Namibia’s ruling party since 1990. He returned to the country in 1989 for Namibia’s first democratic vote. In 1990, lawmakers elected him president, following the confirmation of Namibia’s independence.
Cyril Ramaphosa, the president of South Africa, praised Nujoma as an inspiration whose leadership in attaining Namibian independence led South Africa to eventually ending apartheid.
In 1993, when Nujoma became the first African leader to visit then-U.S. President Bill Clinton’s White House, Clinton branded Nujoma “the George Washington of his country” and “a genuine hero of the world’s movement toward democracy.”
Though he was universally praised for cultivating democracy in Namibia and for not excluding whites from government after independence was achieved, Nujoma was no stranger to controversy. He sometimes made outlandish anti-Western claims, once banned all foreign television programs, and established ties with U.S. adversaries including North Korea, Cuba, Russia, and China.
Nujoma, the oldest of 11 children, was raised in a rural, poverty-stricken family.
China’s Retaliatory Tariffs on the U.S.
In response to U.S. President Donald Trump’s imposition of 10% tariffs on all Chinese exports, China unveiled a suite of retaliatory 10% to 15% tariffs against American liquefied natural gas, coal, crude oil, and farm equipment.
The tariff exchange risks escalating into a full-blown trade war. But China’s targeted tariffs, unlike the U.S.’s broader ones, suggest that negotiations might be possible.
Last week, China launched an antitrust investigation into Google and Illumina, a biotechnology company based in the United States. Beijing also blacklisted the holding company of Calvin Klein and Tommy Hilfiger, two U.S. clothing brands.
The tariffs were expected to come into effect on Sunday, unlike the ones that Trump threatened Canada and Mexico with. The U.S. president agreed to a one-month delay in tariffs on Canadian and Mexican exports after the two countries committed to boosting efforts to stop illegal immigration and drug trafficking into the United States.
Trump said he would speak with Xi Jinping, the president of China, regarding China’s tariffs. However, the U.S. president added that he was in “no rush” to talk to the Chinese leader. Trump has alleged that China has, like Canada and Mexico, also fueled the U.S.’s fentanyl epidemic. Along with the tariffs, Trump also ordered the U.S. Trade Representative to probe whether China complied with the first phase of Beijing’s 2020 trade deal with the U.S., wherein China promised to purchase more products from the United States.
“If there was only a 10 percent tariff on China and we left it at that, I think many investors would sleep more comfortably,” said Frederic Neumann, HSBC’s chief Asia economist. “The big worry, of course, is this is a prelude to potentially larger trade restrictions.”
are suffering physically and mentally from their time in Gaza and are in far worse condition than hostages previously released or rescued. Some are plagued with heart problems and infections. Ben Ami was treated at Tel Aviv Sourasky Medical Center, while Levy and Sharabi went to Sheba Medical Center.
Images of the three men surfaced, showing them very gaunt and frail from starvation. The pictures triggered Israeli outrage, with thousands protesting and many noting the similarities between images of the three released men and pictures of Jews in Holocaust concentration camps.
Channel 12 reported that the former hostages could only eat a quarter of a pita a day. At times, the abductees could only use the bathroom twice a day at certain set times. For much of his captivity, Levy, 34, was kept in terror tunnels with other hostages. Every few months, he was able to shower. For the entirety of the 491 days he was in captivity, Levy didn’t have shoes. Until he came home, he didn’t know that his wife died on October 7. Since the tragic day of October 7, his 3-year-old son Almog has been living with his grandparents.
Levy lost around 44 pounds over the past 16 months. According to Channel 12, shortly before being freed, the hostages were fed more to make them look healthier upon release. As the terror group gave the three men over to the Red Cross, Levy, Sharabi, 52, and Ben Ami, 56, appeared very thin and unsteady on their feet.
Another hostage released during the ongoing ceasefire agreement said, “The terrorists kept me in chains inside a tunnel. The tunnel was dark and airless… I could not walk or stand… Only close to my release did the terrorists remove the chains, and I learned to walk again.”
Hamas Starving
Hostages
According to health
On Sunday, U.S. President Donald Trump said that the three men who were released on Saturday looked like “Holocaust survivors.”
“They were in horrible condition, they were emaciated…and I don’t know how much longer we can take that,” Trump said.
He went on to say the trio “look like they haven’t had a meal in a month” and that they are “people that were healthy people a reasonably short number of years ago, and you look at them today, they look like they’ve aged 25 years, they literally look like the old pictures of Holocaust survivors, the same thing. No reason for that.”
Trump added, “They are in really bad shape, they have been treated brutally, horribly. Even the ones that came out earlier, they were in a little bit better shape, but mentally they were treated so badly. Who could take that?
“You know, at some point, we’re gonna lose our patience.”
Since the current ceasefire deal started, Hamas freed four female civilians, five female IDF soldiers, seven male civilians, and five Thai men.
Sourasky Medical Center’s Deputy Director Prof. Gil Fire said Ben Ami was suffering from severe malnourishment and had lost a “significant amount of his body weight.” Fire added that Ben Ami was nevertheless “strong spirited and inspiring, and accompanied by a strong family.” Ayelet Hakim, the sister in-law of Ben Ami, said he was unrecognizable. Ben Ami’s wife Raz was also taken hostage and was subsequently freed during the ceasefire in November 2023.
“The consequences of 491 long days in captivity are evident on the two returnees who arrived today, and their medical condition is poor. This is the fourth time in the current framework that we have received returnees, and the situation is more serious this time,” Sheba Medical Center director Yael Frenkel Nir said of Levy and Sharabi.
Dr. Hagar Mizrahi, the head of the General Medicine Division at the Health Ministry, said that the freed hostages and their families would receive a variety of physical and emotional therapies.
NYT Downplays Israeli Losses
According to an analysis by Yale School of Management deputy dean and professor Edieal Pinker of 1,561 news articles published in The New York Times, the Times has been promoting a “special narrative” on the war in Gaza.
The research, which was published last month, examined articles published from October 7, 2023, to June 7, 2024, and found that The New York Times has been promoting the distorted narrative that Hamas conducted a “brutal assault” on Israelis, most of whom were civilians, but that after October 7, Israel became the “sole aggressor” in the conflict, losing very little from the war.
The Times’ reporting mainly detailed the plight of Palestinian civilians, whom
Or Levy, Ohad Ben Ami, and Eli Sharabi were freed on Saturday from Gaza after 491 days of Hamas captivity.
officials, the three
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the paper described as “passive victims whose suffering grows daily.” And while the paper extensively covered Israeli attacks and alleged Palestinian civilian casualties, it failed to give the same focus to the Israeli hostages, violence perpetrated by Palestinians, Hamas casualties, Israeli casualties post-October 7, and non-war related Israeli suffering.
cess. Yale did not sponsor the study. Pinker, a Jewish professor and U.S.-Israeli citizen, conducted the analysis because he found a major discrepancy between American and Israeli coverage of the war—namely, that U.S. coverage downplays Israeli losses and exaggerates the suffering of Palestinians.
“People who were only getting a diet
found. “I think that if you want to really understand what’s going on in the war, you have to understand how the main parties are experiencing it.”
According to the research, 895 articles out of 1,561, or 70%, fit the “special narrative.” Just half made reference to the 251 hostages Hamas took captive from southern Israel on October 7. Forty-one percent of the articles made no mention of Israel’s death toll on October 7. In 234 articles about the conflict, the October 7 massacre wasn’t referenced at all, while just 28 articles didn’t discuss violence supposedly perpetrated by the Jewish state.
The analysis also showed that 1,424 out of 1,561 articles left out details about Israeli deaths post-October 7, or Hamas deaths. In the analyzed time period, 364 Israeli soldiers died, thousands were injured, and Israel and Judea and Samaria saw 794 terror attacks, killing 34 civilians.
“The reporting does not give the reader a full understanding of how the war is being experienced by Israelis,” the study concluded.
el 6,222 times, while only mentioning Hezbollah 878 times.
“This imbalance in mentions diminishes the responsibility of Hamas for the war and the situation. It supports the view that all agency is in the hands of Israel,” added the study.
The study also found that little mention has been made of Israelis who lost loved ones in Gaza or Jews who are struggling economically because of October 7.
Last month, Antony Blinken, the former U.S. Secretary of State, was interviewed by the Times. During the interview, he noted that “you hear virtually nothing from anyone since October 7 about Hamas.”
Blinken asked, “Why hasn’t there been a unanimous chorus around the world for Hamas to put down its weapons, to give up the hostages, to surrender?”
On average, every two out of three days, the Times mentioned Palestinian or Lebanese individuals’ personal stories of suffering, while the paper, for nine consecutive weeks, failed to make any reference to Israeli casualties fol-
also downplayed Hamas’s role in starting and continuing the war, with just 10% of articles on the conflict noting Hamas deaths. For ten consecutive weeks, the paper failed to reference terrorist deaths, perhaps suggesting to readers that only civilians were among the Gazan death tolls published by Hamas’s health ministry. Meanwhile, only 18% of the articles discussed acts of violence carried out by Palestinians
ided by the terror group do not differentiate between Palestinian civilians and terrorists. The Jewish state believes that thousands of terrorists were eliminated in the war. made little mention of Palestinian and Hezbollah per-
spective, Israeli soldiers are mainly fighting civilians or shadows,” Pinker’s
The articles, in all, mentioned Israel 27,205 times and Hamas only 8,499 times. In articles about Israel’s war in Lebanon, the paper mentioned Isra-
The New York Times slammed the study, insisting that the paper provided readers with “rich context, confronting truths, and horrific human stories as we followed the facts.” The paper claims that it covered the conflict from all sides and has been careful to ensure minimal bias.
Hamas Delays Hostage Release
On Monday, Hamas said it would indefinitely postpone the release of further Israeli hostages, alleging that Israel has violated the ceasefire agreement.
“The release of the prisoners, which was scheduled for next Saturday, February 15, 2025, will be postponed until further notice, pending the occupation’s compliance and retroactive fulfillment of the past weeks’ obligations,” said a spokesman for the terror group, referring to the hostages Hamas kidnapped on October 7 as prisoners. “We reaffirm our commitment to the terms of the agreement as long as the occupation adheres to them.”
Hamas claimed that Israel delayed the return of displaced Gazans to the north, shot at civilians, and blocked humanitarian aid from coming into the Gaza Strip. The terror group added that it announced the delay five days before the next release “to give the mediators sufficient opportunity to pressure the occupation to implement its obligations, and to keep the door open to implement the exchange on time if the occupation adheres to its obligations.”
From Saturday night to Sunday, Isra-
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el left the Netzarim Corridor, as per the terms of the truce. On Sunday, the Israel Defense Forces shot at Palestinians who were walking towards the soldiers. Before shooting at them, the IDF fired warning shots. Additionally, Hamas’s claims about humanitarian aid are untrue.
In light of the delay, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu held a meeting with leaders from the defense establishment. On Monday, negotiators from Israel went to Doha to talk about the ceasefire’s ongoing first phase.
In response to Hamas’s announcement, Israel Katz, the defense minister of Israel, slammed the delay as an “outright violation of the ceasefire.” Katz said he ordered the military to “prepare at the highest level of alert for any possible scenario in Gaza and to protect the [border] communities,” adding that “we will not return to the reality of October 7.”
U.S. President Donald Trump recently proposed a plan for the United States to take over Gaza and relocate the enclave’s civilians. Hamas, arguing that Trump’s comments prevent the U.S. from being a reliable mediator, has taken issue with the proposal.
Many people have called on Netanyahu to ensure the hostage release deal is continued. Others, including Itamar Ben Gvir, have urged the government to continue fighting.
Ben Gvir, who resigned as national security minister in protest of the ceasefire deal, proposed that Israel should conduct “a massive assault on Gaza, from the air and land, alongside a complete halt to humanitarian aid to the Strip, including electricity, fuel, and water, and including the bombing of aid packages that have already been brought in and are in the hands of Hamas.”
Seventy-three hostages remain in Gaza, at least 34 of whom have passed away in captivity.
Shlomo Mantzur, Hy”d
Shlomo Mantzur was taken to Gaza on October 7, 2023. The oldest hostage still in Gaza, this week it was confirmed that Shlomo, 85, was killed on October 7. His body was taken by terrorists on that horrific day.
Shlomo was in Kibbutz Kissufim when he was taken hostage.
“The IDF has been operating throughout the war with a wide range of
methods to collect information about the hostages in the Gaza Strip. The IDF and other security agencies will continue to accompany the families of the hostages as long as needed,” the military said.
“This is one of the most difficult days in the history of our kibbutz,” Kissufim said in a statement. “Shlomo was much more than a community member to us — he was a father, a grandfather, a true friend and the beating heart of Kissufim.”
The kibbutz statement added that “his smile, modesty and human warmth were an inspiration to us all. Our hearts are broken that we were unable to bring him back to us alive. The entire community grieves his loss and is united in grief and pain.”
When he was younger, Shlomo lived in Baghdad, Iraq, and survived the Farhud pogrom in 1941. He moved to Israel when he was 13 and was one of the founders of Kissufim. On the kibbutz, he worked in the chicken coop as well as at an eyewear factory and learned carpentry as a hobby.
His wife, Mazal, survived the October 7 massacre. She said she last saw him being taken away in handcuffs by terrorists after terrorists opened fire on their safe room. He was 85 when he was abducted and would have turned 87 next month.
Mazal and Shlomo have five children and 12 grandchildren.
In a statement, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu expressed condolences to Shlomo’s family, adding that “we will not rest or be silent until his return for burial in Israel. We will continue to act determinedly and tirelessly until we return all our hostages — both the living and the fallen.”
Shlomo was on the list of the 33 hostages slated to be freed in the current first stage of the ceasefire deal. Of the 33, Hamas has said that eight are no longer alive but did not identify them.
Relatives this week of twins Ziv and Gali Berman were finally given signs of life of the two brothers who had been taken hostage on October 7. This is the first sign that the 27-year-old boys are still alive.
Their aunt, Maccabit Mayer, told the
Kan public radio on Tuesday that they received word of the brothers’ status from hostages who were freed in the past three weeks. The twins are not on the list of those slated to be released in the deal’s first stage.
“There’s a sigh of relief, but at the same time there’s also great fear,” Mayer said, adding that the brothers “are not being held together, but they’re alive and they are in life-threatening danger.”
Just before he was kidnapped, Gali Berman told his mother that he had to go and be with his neighbor, Emily Damari, who was afraid. Emily was also kidnapped on October 7; she was freed last month on the first day of the ceasefire, January 19.
“We don’t want another sign of life; we want them back home,” said Mayer. “Gali and Ziv need to come home — quickly.”
Abbas “Ends” Payto-Slay
On Monday, Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas signed a decree canceling legislation that pays stipends to families of terrorists who were killed while carrying out terror attacks and that pays prisoners depending on how long their sentences are in Israeli jails.
The decree states that families of prisoners and slain attackers who require welfare assistance will be eligible for stipends based solely on their financial needs, as is the case with other Palestinians.
Israel and other countries have long denounced the stipends that Jerusalem said actively encouraged terror, with critics dubbing it the “pay-to-slay” system.
Supposedly, the decree to eliminate pay-to-slay payments had been in the works for years, and was even launched softly at the end of the Biden administration, seeking to bring the PA into compliance with the Taylor Force Act — 2018 congressional legislation that suspended U.S. aid to the PA as long as it continued granting the stipends.
The Taylor Force Act requires the U.S. government to review the PA’s com-
pliance every six months.
The Netanyahu government is supposedly skeptical of Abbas’ desire to back out of pay-to-slay. The Foreign Ministry issued a statement Monday night dismissing the decree “as a new fraudulent exercise by the PA, which intends to continue making payments to terrorists and their families through other channels.”
According to the text of the decree posted on the official PA news agency WAFA, the program to allocate welfare funds will be transferred from the Social Development Ministry to a new fund called the Palestinian National Foundation for Economic Empowerment. The fund will be headed by current PA Social Welfare Minister Ahmad Majdalani, according to the second source.
Many families of prisoners and slain attackers who were receiving government stipends will continue to receive financial aid, given the high poverty rate in Judea and Samaria among Palestinians.
Palestinian leaders have long defended the pay-to-slay payments, describing them as a form of social welfare and necessary compensation for victims of what they said is Israel’s callous military justice system in Judea and Samaria.
The decree on Monday is Ramallah’s latest effort to improve ties with Washington and amounts to a major victory for President Trump, who managed to secure a concession from the PA that repeated U.S. administrations had worked to actualize.
Pennies Don’t Make Sense
On Sunday, President Donald Trump targeted pennies, as he ordered his administration to cease production of the one-cent coin.
Trump cited the penny’s high production cost and limited utility when announcing the measure. According to the U.S. Mint, it costs almost 4 cents for the government to produce one penny. The nickel, in comparison, costs almost 14 cents to produce.
“Let’s rip the waste out of our great nation’s budget, even if it’s a penny at a time,” Trump said in a post on Truth Social. U.S. code gives the Treasury Secretary the authority to mint and issue coins “in
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amounts the secretary decides are necessary to meet the needs of the United States.”
Congress, which dictates currency specifications like the size and metal content of coins, could make Trump’s order permanent through law. But past congressional efforts to ditch the penny have failed.
Pennies are mostly made of zinc, and the American zinc lobby has been a major opponent to suggestions that the penny be eliminated.
Pennies are the most popular coins made by the U.S. Mint, which reported making 3.2 billion of them last year. That’s more than half of all the new coins it made last year.
Other nations, including Canada and Australia, have stopped producing pennies. Canada stopped producing the small coins in 2012. Australia withdrew its one- and two-cent coins from circulation in 1992, citing inflation and production costs. Countries like Sweden and New Zealand stopped minting their onecent coins even before then.
Tariffs on Foreign Steel
President Donald Trump announced sweeping tariffs on foreign steel and aluminum on Monday, reupping a policy from his first term that pleased domestic metal makers but hurt other U.S. industries and ignited trade wars on multiple fronts.
The president signed two official proclamations that would impose a 25% tariff on steel and aluminum from all countries. Trump called the moves “a big deal — making America rich again.”
A White House official who was not authorized to speak publicly told reporters on Monday that the move was evidence of Trump’s commitment to use tariffs to put the United States on equal footing with other nations. In contrast to Trump’s first term, the official said, no exclusions to the tariffs for U.S. companies that rely on foreign steel and aluminum will be allowed.
The measures were welcomed by domestic steelmakers, who have been lobbying the Trump administration for
protection against cheap foreign metals.
But the tariffs are likely to rankle America’s allies like Canada and Mexico, which supply the bulk of U.S. metal imports. They could also elicit retaliation on U.S. exports, as well as pushback from U.S. industries that use metals to make cars, food packaging and other products. Those sectors will face significantly higher prices after the tariffs go into effect.
That is what happened in Trump’s first term, when the president levied 25% tariffs on foreign steel and aluminum. While Trump and former President Joe Biden eventually rolled back those tariffs on most major metal suppliers, the levies were often replaced with other trade barriers.
Studies have shown that while Trump’s first round of metal tariffs helped U.S. steel and aluminum producers, they ended up hurting the broader economy because they raised prices for many other industries, including the auto sector.
In a statement Sunday, Kevin Dempsey, president of the American Iron and Steel Institute, said the group welcomed Trump’s “continued commitment to a strong American steel industry, which is essential to America’s national security and economic prosperity.”
But industries that use metals to make other products said overly broad protections would hurt them.
This week, the Justice Department ordered federal prosecutors to drop corruption charges against New York City Mayor Eric Adams. Acting Deputy Attorney General Emil Bove told prosecutors in New York in a memo that they were “directed to dismiss” the bribery
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charges against Adams immediately.
“The pending prosecution has unduly restricted Mayor Adams’ ability to devote full attention and resources to the illegal immigration and violent crime,” Bove wrote.
The memo also ordered prosecutors in New York not to take “additional investigative steps” against the Democrat mayor until after November’s mayoral election, seeming to leave open the possibility that charges could be refiled after that following a review.
Adams’ attorney, Alex Spiro, said the Justice Department’s order had vindicated the mayor’s claim of innocence. “Now, thankfully, the mayor and New York can put this unfortunate and misguided prosecution behind them,” Spiro said.
Adams has been noticeably moving more toward conservative ideas. Recently, Adams expressed a willingness to roll back the city’s so-called sanctuary policies and pledged not to publicly criticize a president whose policies he once described as “abusive.”
Several of the mayor’s opponents in the Democratic mayoral primary claimed this week that Adams had agreed to do Trump’s bidding because he hoped for leniency.
“Instead of standing up for New Yorkers, Adams is standing up for precisely one person,” said Brad Lander, the city’s
open borders,” Trump said in October at a Manhattan event attended by Adams. “We were persecuted, Eric. I was persecuted, and so are you, Eric.”
The criminal case against Adams involves allegations that he accepted illegal campaign contributions and lavish travel perks worth more than $100,000 — including expensive flight upgrades, luxury hotel stays and even a trip to a bathhouse — while serving in his previous job as Brooklyn Borough President. A Turkish official who supposedly helped facilitate the trips then leaned on Adams for favors, at one point asking him to lobby the Fire Department to allow a newly constructed, 36-story diplomatic building to open in time for a planned visit by Turkey’s president.
Federal agents had also been investigating other senior Adams aides. Prior to the mayor’s indictment, federal authorities seized phones from a police commissioner, schools chancellor, multiple deputy mayors and the mayor’s director of Asian Affairs. Each of those officials denied wrongdoing but have since resigned.
In December, Adams’ chief adviser and closest confidant, Ingrid Lewis-Martin, was indicted by a state prosecutor — the Manhattan district attorney — on charges that she and her son accepted $100,000 in bribes related to real estate construction projects.
According to the order, the ICC illegitimately “asserted jurisdiction over and opened preliminary investigations concerning personnel of the United States and certain of its allies,” with the court abusing its authority last November by issuing arrest warrants for Israel’s Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and former Israeli Defense Minister Yoav Gallant on war crime charges.
A day later, the ICC criticized Trump’s order, asserting that the sanctions hurt the court’s “independent and impartial judicial work.”
“The Court stands firmly by its personnel and pledges to continue providing justice and hope to millions of innocent victims of atrocities across the world,” said the ICC.
“Neither country [the U.S. or Israel] has ever recognized the ICC’s jurisdiction, and both nations are thriving democracies with militaries that strictly adhere to the laws of war,” states the executive order signed by Trump. “The ICC’s recent actions against Israel and the United States set a dangerous precedent, directly endangering current and former United States personnel, including active service members of the Armed Forces, by exposing them to harassment, abuse, and possible arrest.”
As a result of the sanctions, individuals linked to the ICC, including employees and agents, may be banned from traveling to the U.S., and property and assets may also be blocked. The order specifically penalizes those who have directly assisted the ICC’s attempts to “investigate, arrest, detain, or prosecute… protected persons,” including U.S. citizens, military and government officials, and officials from Israel and other countries that don’t recognize the ICC.
The Senate last week attempted to pass a bill that would sanction the ICC for issuing “illegitimate and baseless” arrest warrants for Netanyahu and Gallant. The legislation, however, did not pass.
Trump’s executive order coincided with Netanyahu’s visit to the White House, during which the president declared the U.S. would “own” and rebuild the Gaza Strip after relocating all Gazans to nearby countries, such as Jordan and Egypt.
Alaska Plane Crash
All 10 people aboard an Alaskan commuter flight are believed to have perished
in a tragic plane crash 34 miles southeast of Nome, Alaska. The news was announced on Friday after authorities spotted the plane, which had been missing since Thursday afternoon, in ice.
According to the U.S. Coast Guard, the plane, which had nine passengers and a pilot, had been flying from Unalakleet, Alaska, to Nome. Twelve miles offshore, the plane’s position got lost. As it flew over the Norton Sound at around 3:18 p.m. on Thursday, a currently unknown phenomenon caused the plane to quickly fall and slow down, confirmed Lt. Benjamin McIntyre-Coble with the U.S. Coast Guard.
Every passenger on the flight was an adult. All the victims’ families were told of the tragic news.
Before the plane went missing, the pilot notified Anchorage Air Traffic Control that “he intended to enter a holding pattern while waiting for the runway to be cleared,” said the Nome Volunteer Fire Department. McIntyre-Coble noted that the plane didn’t send out an Emergency Locator Transmitter distress signal, as would have been typical in cases of a crash.
The plane, a Cessna 208B Grand Caravan EX with tail number N321BA, was flying Bering Air.
This is the third fatal U.S. plane crash in just a month. In January, 67 people died after a military helicopter crashed into a passenger plane in Washington, D.C., and seven others died in plane crash in Philadelphia just a few days later.
Several other incidents have occurred since then. Last Saturday, a passenger plane hit a tug at the Chicago O’Hare International Airport, critically injuring an airport employee. A day later, an engine issue was reported on a United Airlines flight from Houston to New York City, prompting an evacuation. On Wednesday, a taxiing Japan Airlines plane hit a parked Delta Air Lines plane at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport, although no injuries have been reported thus far.
Plastic Straws are Back
Iced coffees will now be able to be enjoyed once again, as President Donald Trump banned the federal use of paper straws, saying that they “don’t work” and don’t last very long. The commander-in-chief said he wants the federal government to use plastic straws instead.
“It’s a ridiculous situation. We’re go-
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ing back to plastic straws,” Trump said as he signed an executive order to reverse federal purchasing policies that encourage paper straws and restrict plastic ones. The order directs federal agencies to stop buying paper straws “and otherwise ensure that paper straws are no longer provided within agency buildings.”
The move by Trump — who has long railed against paper straws and whose 2019 reelection campaign sold Trump-branded reusable plastic straws for $15 per pack of 10 — targets a Biden administration policy to phase out federal purchases of singleuse plastics, including straws, from food service operations, events and packaging by 2027, and from all federal operations by 2035.
Proponents of paper straws say that marine life is harmed by plastic.
“I don’t think that plastic is going to affect the shark very much as they’re eating, as they’re munching their way through the ocean,” Trump said.
Several U.S. states and cities have banned plastic straws, and some restaurants no longer automatically give them to customers.
Trump’s order is “more about messaging than finding solutions,″ said Christy Leavitt, plastics campaign director for the environmental group Oceana, noting that most U.S. voters support requiring companies to reduce single-use plastic packaging and foodware.
“President Trump is moving in the wrong direction on single-use plastics,” Leavitt said. “The world is facing a plastic pollution crisis, and we can no longer ignore one of the biggest environmental threats facing our oceans and our planet today.”
But many are applauding Trump’s measure.
“Straws are just the beginning,” Matt Seaholm, president and CEO of the Plastics Industry Association, said in a state-
ment. “‘Back to Plastic’ is a movement we should all get behind.”
More than 390 million straws are used every day in the United States, mostly for 30 minutes or less.
Egg Thieves on the Run
A shocking theft in Pennsylvania is leaving police scrambling to find the perpetrators.
Around 100,000 eggs were nabbed from Pete & Gerry’s Organic Eggs warehouse, one of the largest free-range egg producers in the country, last week. So far, police are having trouble cracking the case.
As egg prices soar, people are getting desperate for the breakfast food – no yolk.
Trooper Megan Frazer for the Pennsylvania State Police said the value of the theft is around $40,000, making the crime a felony.
“We’re relying on leads from people from the community. So, we’re hoping that somebody knows something, and they’ll call us and give us some tips,” Frazer said. “In my career, I’ve never heard of a hundred thousand eggs being stolen. This is definitely unique.”
Pete & Gerry’s CEO Tom Flocco said he’s disappointed the eggs were
stolen, but his company will work quickly to put all the pieces back together again – Humpty Dumpty-style – starting with increasing its security measures.
“I’ve worked in other industries before where things get stolen from factories. It happens. It’s terrible. I’m not happy about it, but it does happen,” he said. “It could happen once; it could happen again. We are putting additional measures in place. We are working with local authorities in Pennsylvania, and we’re giving them our full cooperation.”
Thieves on the other side of the country made off with more than just eggs. In Seattle, robbers reportedly stole over 500 eggs, bacon, ground beef, blueberries, and “other egg products.”
An employee of Luna Park Café had reported seeing the activity live on the business’s security cameras. When the café owner ran over to try to stop the thieves, he saw two men loading food from his walk-in refrigerator into their van.
“Luckily, I arrived soon enough and they left two cases of eggs; they couldn’t steal everything.”
Still, he was left shellshocked.
Snack Attack
Authorities at Los Angeles International Airport found 37 giant live beetles in the most unusual of places – snack bags.
The insects were found in multiple packages of Japanese snacks, potato chips and chocolate by agriculture specialists assigned to LAX during a physical examination of a shipment arriving from Japan via air cargo last month.
But these were not just ordinary pests. The beetles were worth an estimated $1,480.
“They may look harmless but in reality, smuggled beetles pose a significant threat to our vital agriculture resources,” said Cheryl M. Davies, U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) Director of Field Operations in Los Angeles. “Beetles can become a serious pest by eating plants, leaves, and roots and by laying eggs on tree bark which
damages our forests.”
So who wants these beetles and why are they hiding them in packages of chips? Turns out that these insects are sought after by collectors and enthusiasts and are often sold online and underground.
“The illegal trade of exotic insects bring hefty profits for those willing to take the risk of circumventing U.S. laws and regulations,” CBP said.
The seized beetles were turned over to USDA officials, who will determine the final destination of the insects. Most likely they will be donated to local zoos that have permits for live insects or be preserved in a local insect collection.
Sss-ounds good.
Speakerphone Fine
Want to speak on the phone? Make sure you’re not on speaker if you’re in France.
David was on the phone with his sister at a train station in Nantes, France, when an official asked him to turn the speakerphone off.
Thinking that the intervention was just a joke, David continued his conversation on the phone until he was issued a hefty fine by the official. “I think the person was offended. She took out her notebook and fined me,” he said.
According to authorities, David was fined by security staff for disturbing the peace in the quiet area of the station. Police also say that David fought with the security officer before he received the fine.
The fine, originally around $150, was raised to $200 due to late payment. Now, David is hiring a lawyer to dispute the penalty. While using a mobile phone on a loudspeaker in a public setting is not illegal in France, there are noise control regulations in place to govern volume levels.
In other words, be considerate of others, David.
Torah Thought Flying High
By Rabbi Zvi Teichman
In order the capture the hearts of the nation so they would willingly accept the Torah with all its many and arduous details and statutes, G-d would have to make a compelling argument from the onset.
The first statement Moshe presents on His behalf is the fact that ‘You have seen what I did to Egypt...’
It was not simply their having seen firsthand the many miracles G-d had wrought on their behalf that would convince them to pledge allegiance to G-d. It was more so the fact that although the Egyptians had a long-standing crime sheet — well before the Jews became their coveted target — it was only because of G-d’s beloved children’s plight that He would no longer tolerate the Egyptians aberrant behavior and would now take up the Jewish nation’s cause meting out punishment to their tormentors. (י"שר)
A child will be convinced of a parent’s love when they observe how the parent is more concerned over the child’s suffering and acting on it, than over their own hurt. That is a sign of true love.
This sentiment is echoed in Moshe’s second presentation of G-d’s words:
‘...and I have borne you on the wings of eagles and brought you to me.’
Rashi comments: Like an eagle, which carries its young on its wings, for all other birds place their young between their feet since they fear another bird flying above them. The eagle, however, fears only man, lest he shoot an arrow at it, because no other bird flies above it. Therefore, it places them [its young] on its wings. It says, rather the arrow pierces me and not my children. I [G-d] too did that: Then the angel
of G-d moved, and he came between the camp of Egypt, etc. (Shmos 14:19, 20), and the Egyptians shot arrows and catapult stones, and the cloud absorbed them. (אתליכמה םשב י"שר)
G-d certainly does not take a ‘hit’ for us, when mortal’s weapons assault Him. Rather, as the Holy Kozhnitzer Maggid explains, the arrows here refer to the other nations prosecutorial accusations that we too were guilty of idolatry in Egypt, and had not fully rehabilitated our sins, and unworthy of G-d’s special attention and favor. This ‘shame’, G-d is willing to absorb, despite the defamation of His Holy Name, in standing up for his precious child out of an abiding love and faith that we will get there.
When a child knows that its honor is more important to the parent than their own, they will lovingly follow the wishes of their parents.
According to Rashi the metaphor of being borne upon an eagle reflects the attribute of protectiveness.
The Targum Yehonoson, however, interprets this notion of being carried on the wings, as referring to our having been miraculously transported on the night of Pesach to the Bais HaMikdash, the Holy Temple, consuming the Pesach there.
We literally flew a great distance that night upon the wings of an eagle, in remarkable testament to G-d’s powers.
But why is this so significant in the context of their accepting the Torah? Were the miracles of the Ten Plagues, and how we were totally unaffected by them, and the wondrous splitting of the sea, any less evidence of what G-d has done for us and deserving of our commitment to him in return?
Why was an eagle necessary to be employed for G-d to transport us? When G-d lifted Avraham Avinu above the stars, did he too travel on the wing of an eagle?
An eagle and its swiftness in flight serve as the metaphor for Rebbi Yehuda ben Teima’s teaching that one should be ‘light as an eagle’, a lesson in defying gravity, which translated in terms of human attributes, refers to not getting bogged down, or discouraged — to never exhaust in overcoming the ‘forces’ of earthly gravity.
In truth an eagle is a large and heavy bird. Yet, by creating thrust with its wings, propelling air at a rapid flow rate above the curvature atop the wing while maintaining a steady straight flow of air beneath, causing the air pressure above to lessen as the pressure below remains greater, thereby pushing the wing upward in a process known as ‘lift’. This is known as Bernoulli’s Principle.
Once aloft, with subsequent minimum effort, an eagle’s mighty wings can help it soar to great heights, flying over great distances.
The imagery of transporting us upon the wings of an eagle, was instructive. Just as an eagle can overcome its weightiness by thrusting its wings mightily, creating a powerful lift, so too can man if he puts himself to the task by not permitting discouragement and despair to prevent him from ‘flapping his wings’, will also be able to lift himself spiritually high, benefiting from that Bernoulli’s Principle in its counterpart spiritual expression, to fly and soar with the greatest of ease.
The next instruction of Moshe was simply: Now if you hearken well to Me and observe My covenant, you
shall be the most beloved treasure...
Rashi adds, once again in the name of the Mechilta: If now you accept upon yourselves [the yoke of the commandments], it will be pleasant for you in the future, תושק תולחתה לכש, since all beginnings are difficult.
Moshe is teaching us in the Name of G-d, that all we must do is exert ourselves unwaveringly, after that it is smooth sailing. It is the basic law of spiritual physics!
The Baal HaTurim points out that the tribe of Naftali, which was known for its strength of expeditiousness, is described in Moshe’s blessing to that tribe at the end of his life as, ןוצ
ילתפ
— Naftali, satiated with favor. The first letters of each word in this description spell out רשנ, eagle.
Rav Chaim Vital, the primary disciple of the Arizal, taught that man’s wings that can propel him to great heights, is joy — satisfaction. One who can master that, can attain the greatest heights in his service to G-d.
It all depends on how we perceive life. If we discern life and its challenges as heaven sent opportunities, that with fortitude and dispatch we are willing to tackle happily, then that flow will create a lift that will send us to the most joyous experiences of closeness to Hashem.
The masters of the secrets of Torah teach that the last letters in the words, ןוצר עבש ילתפנ, spell out ןיע — eye, because it all depends on accurate perception!
Joy is the fuel that powers our wings. It is the only way to fly like an eagle!
You may reach the author at: Ravzt@ ohelmoshebaltimore.com
PARSHA
OVERVIEW
Yisro, the father in law of Moshe Rabbeinu, comes to Moshe in the desert after hearing about the splitting of the Sea and the war with Amalek, and he converts to Judaism. He advises Moshe to appoint judges, rather than judge the people alone. The Jewish people camp by Mount Sinai in preparation of the Revelation. The Ten Commandments are given to the Jewish people, as well as several additional mitzvos.
Quotable Quote “ ”
"The over-emphasis on ‘I’ and the loss of ‘We’ leaves us isolated and vulnerable. It is not good to be alone."
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks zt”l
TSorahparks
Inspiration Everywhere
Parshas Yisro
GEMATRIA
The gematria of םש ןחיו (using mispar musafi, adding letters) is 420.
Ironically, the gematria of תודחא (mispar kolel, adding the word, i.e., 1) is also 420!
This is amazing, because the words םש ןחיו teach us that the Jews encamped together, unified, like Chazal say: דחא
like one man with one heart.
EXCITING OPPORTUNITY:
BeH I am working on a book to be printed in time for PesachKarpas: The Big Dipper - and I’m looking for sponsors. Message me 443-938-0822
Rabbi Ori Strum is the author of “Ready. Set. Grow.” and “Dove Tales.”
His shiurim and other Jewish content can be found on Torah Anytime and Meaningful Minute. Your feedback is appreciated: oristrum@torahsparks.com
Pesukim - 72/74
Words - 1,105
Letters - 4,022
Mitzvos - 17
Thoughts in
QUICK VORT Chassidus
The Torah states (19:2) לארשי םש ןחיו רהה דגנ - the Jews were encamped opposite the mountain.
Beyond the basic pshat in the verse that the Jews were opposite the mountain of Har Sinai, perhaps the Torah is alluding to another mountain.
The Talmud (Sukkah 52a) compares the Yetzer Harah to a רה , a mountain.
We are taught a lesson for how to overcome the Yetzer Harah.
That is, to come together - to be unified - a gainst the battle of the Yetzer Harah. To discuss with each other matters of ruchnius, to learn mussar together, to support one another.
We are am yisroel. Let's leave no one alone, in the dark, to battle alone. Let's be there for others to help them with their fight. We can do this as long as we fight together.
In this week’s Parshah, Yisro says the famous words: ה ךורב - blessed are You, Hashem!
The Tiferes Shlomo - Rebbe Shlomo of Radamsk - points out that we see a beautiful trait from what Yisro did. He blessed Hashem for rescuing the Jews even though he was not a part of that rescue. After all, he was not Jewish.
We see the beauty and importance of seeing the good in others, not just in ourselves.
Points to
Ponder
We call it the “Ten Commandments,” but how many mitzvos are actually incorporated and included among the Ten Commandments?
If there are, indeed, more than 10, why is it called the “Ten Commandments”?
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Headlines Halacha
Paying Babysitters on Time
By Rabbi Yair Hoffman
They watch our children while we go out to a wedding or to a restaurant to eat. They will often agree to come on a moment’s notice. And yet, at times, we will violate Torah commandments in how we treat them financially.
“Sorry, I did not get a chance to go to the bank. Can I get you next time?”
“Oh no! It seems that I don’t have change for a hundred. Do you mind coming by tomorrow, and I will pay you then?”
Often, the ninth or tenth grade young lady who is babysitting will just answer, “Sure, no problem.” Deep down, however, she is not too pleased about not being paid when it was expected.
It is a Torah prohibition not to pay a worker on time – or on the day in which the service was performed.
Making a blessing on the lulav and esrog on Sukkos from day two and onward is a rabbinic mitzvah. But paying a babysitter or other worker on time is actually a Torah commandment. In fact, there are no less than five commandments that are violated. These laws are found in Choshein Mishpat section of Shluchan Aruch (339:1).
So what are these five prohibitions? 1) Lo sigzol – do not steal; 2) lo saashok s’char sachir – do not oppress the wages of a worker; 3) lo saashok es rayacha – do not oppress your peer; 4) lo salin pe’ulas sachir – do not leave over the wages of a worker; and 5) lo savoh alav hashemesh – do not let the sun pass over him.
The Shulchan Aruch adds the words, “It is as if he has taken his soul.” This is based on the Gemara in Bava Metziah 111a. It is quite a serious statement.
Even when the employees are minors – the prohibitions are still violated (See Ahavas Chessed 9:5 written by the Chofetz Chaim). The prohibition is violated whether or not the employee is Jewish (See CM 359:1, 9 and Shach 359:3). In contemporary times, this applies quite appropriately to young babysitters.
Other Aspects
• Accuracy about when it ends: Sometimes, the end time of when the babysitting job is over is underestimated by the parents. There are some parents that are consistently late coming home. One father was actually overheard saying, “If I don’t say 11:00 PMish, the babysitter would never agree to come in the first place.” Purposefully misrepresenting the timing is a violation of midvar sheker tirchak – distancing oneself from a false matter. There are horror stories about lateness, too. One babysitter was told that the parents would return by 10 PM. When this didn’t happen, she texted the parents at midnight. The parents said that it would be a while longer. At 2:00 AM, she texted again. Clearly, it is always very important to communicate or make another arrangement when one sees that they will be late. It could be that the babysitter had plans to do homework together with a friend or something else to do. It is also true the other way as well. One junior high school babysitter complained, “It is annoying when they first tell you that they will be three hours, and they come back after 45 minutes. They pay you for an hour, but you actually changed your plans and wanted to get paid for three hours. Of course, you’re not going to
say anything.”
• Lack of full disclosure: “When the child that the babysitter is watching has some psycho-social issues, the parent should really warn the babysitter about it. One child was actually pulling out clumps of his own hair. The babysitter was traumatized. That is really not fair.”
• Last minute switches : “One time I was supposed to babysit a twoyear-old. When I got there, the mother said, ‘You know what? You watch the newborn, and I will take the two-yearold. She didn’t give me a choice! I had never even held a newborn baby. She left, and the baby woke up. I so did not know what to do. I called my mother, and she texted me pictures about how to hold a newborn baby.”
• Chessed?!: There was also a case in Brooklyn where the parent told the babysitter, “Well, don’t you have chessed hours? Why don’t we call it even then.” This is out and out genaivah, theft.
• Food in Payment: “One parent actually paid me with food and not money. What was I supposed to say?”
This may actually be a form of gezel , theft. The reason is that although we do say “shaveh kesef k’kesef, the value of money is like money,” when it comes to betrothing a bride – the same is not said regarding paying someone. The
value of the food is not readily marketable. Simply because the babysitter acquiesced is not an indication that they are “okay” with it.
The V’ahavta L’rayacha Kamocha Component
• There is another section of babysitting and how we treat them that involves the mitzvah of v’ahavta l’rayacha kamocha, loving your neighbor as yourself. Some of us may not be aware of how things look like from the perspective of the babysitter. Below is a list of pet peeves culled from the experiences of a number of babysitters.
• Feeling awkward. Sometimes, the parents are unaware of feelings of awkwardness that the babysitter may be feeling. One babysitter remarked, “It is annoying when you come on time and then they take a long while to leave. It is very awkward to hang around the parents.” If possible, we should be sensitive to ensuring that people do not feel out of place.
• A younger babysitter remarked, “When you are little, they don’t treat you like an adult and they just give you an amount of money that they just made up, and you expected and wanted much more.” If it is less than the going rate that may be a halachic problem as well. On the other hand, there may be different rates for different ages.
• And then there is the fact that a number of parents rush out with no pre-written instructions. The babysitter must often find the wipies and diapers herself – but there is more. “They tell you that you can take any food –but they don’t tell you where the cups are. Then you open up every cabinet and then you notice that there is a nanny-cam in the kitchen that you didn’t even know about.” One might have thought that not telling about a nanny-cam may be a form of hezek riya –intrusive damage. Poskim consulted for this article thus far have ruled that although it is allowed, one should, out of
menschlechkeit, tell the babysitter that they are there.
Other pet peeves expressed by the babysitters are:
• “When they say that the baby will be sleeping, and the baby is not sleeping. You should get paid more for daytime hours when the kids are up.”
• “Dirty diapers should be paid more.” One babysitter makes the parents come home if there is a dirty diaper (but only if they are the neighborhood).
• “Once I was asked to give the kids supper and also to do baths.”
• “After 12 midnight, a babysitter should be paid more.”
• “I hate it when the homes do not have house phones. What if there is an emergency, and for some reason my phone isn’t charged or stops working?: Also, some of the babysitters share a phone with a sister, or don’t even have their own phones. What are they supposed to do?
• I hate it when they don’t have Wi-Fi or they don’t give you the code.”
• “I hate it when they pay you by check – “So annoying. A kid like me wants cash.”
• “I dislike it when a parent is cheap and tries teaching you a lesson when you are late. One parent took off a dollar because I was two minutes late. And they didn’t leave until much later!”
• “Once they had me babysit for a whole weekend and I had to stay there. At the end, they only gave $100 for 48
the last time we hid them in the garbage can. There were two of us. But the fact that he had brought it up was very embarrassing.”
• “We should get leeway on the bedtime. Sometimes, the kid just doesn’t listen, and I end up feeling so guilty when he stays up later.”
Some of us may not be aware of how things look like from the perspective of the babysitter.
hours – when they took me for a whole Shabbos.”
• “Once the parents didn’t tell me how to work the light and it was a complicated lighting situation, so I sat in the dark – for hours!”
• “Another parent instructed us that we don’t have to hide the wrappers of the snacks that we would eat. We had actually done so on a previous occasion when they had told us that we could eat whatever we wanted. We felt a little bad that we had SO MANY wrappers. So
• “I didn’t know what to say when the kid tried to call her mother from my phone. ‘When are you coming home, mommy?’”
• One mother said to me, ‘Oh, she’s an easy baby.’ Well, maybe for the mother –but not for a stranger. She was crying the whole time. I asked another babysitter, and she said the same thing happened.”
• “One time, the grandmother walked down and gave me dirty looks when I was looking in the fridge and snack drawer.”
• “It is also very awkward when the
fathers drive you back. You don’t know here to sit – in the back or not. Once I thought that the father was not such a yeshivish person and then he said that I should sit in the back. I felt really awkward and then I saw that he just likes to put his arm on the seat thing.”
• “I hate it when they don’t tell you that they have pets. It can be scary.”
• “I babysat at one home that had a secret staircase. The father kept going one way and then appearing from a completely other direction. This was all happening when they were getting ready to leave.”
• “One family leaves all the medications on the windowsill. The kids would eat it. Once, I got up the gumption to tell the father that he shouldn’t leave it there. That was very awkward.”
Many of these situations could be minimized if we apply the idea of v’ahavta l’rayacha kamocha with a little more thought.
This article should be viewed as a halachic discussion and not practical advice. The author can be reached at yairhoffman2@ gmail.com.
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Political Crossfire
Trump Promised Peace Between Armenia and Azerbaijan. He Can Start Here
By David Ignatius
With so much suffering in the world, individual cases can get lost. But I want to explain the plight of a man named Ruben Vardanyan, who is a political prisoner on trial in Azerbaijan and is facing a life sentence – and whose case deserves greater attention.
Vardanyan’s crime, if you can call it that, is that he championed Armenian resistance in Nagorno-Karabakh, a remote region in the Caucasus that is legally part of Azerbaijan but whose population was once largely Armenian and self-governing. Not anymore: The region’s 120,000 Armenians fled in September 2023 when Azerbaijani troops invaded. Vardanyan was arrested as he tried to cross the border into Armenia. Vardanyan is an unlikely martyr. He is a businessman who made money as
an investment banker in the wild early days of post-Soviet Russia – and then began giving it away to good causes. In 2014, he founded an international school in Dilijan, Armenia, to connect his small and fragile country with the world. And in 2015, he co-founded a human rights group called the Aurora Humanitarian Initiative, whose supporters include such luminaries as George Clooney, former U.N. high commissioner Mary Robinson, and several Nobel laureates.
Aurora’s motto is “Gratitude in action.” Vardanyan’s idea was to honor people around the world who are selflessly helping others in our time – just as decent people had saved his great-grandfather Hamayak Vardanyan during the Armenian genocide in 1915. Rather than looking back in anger on
that terrible event, Vardanyan wanted to look forward in hope, by celebrating what’s best in the human spirit.
I should make clear that I’m not a neutral observer of Vardanyan’s case. He has been my friend for a decade, and I’ve served as unpaid master of ceremonies for Aurora’s annual awards ceremony since 2016. It’s personal: My father’s family is Armenian, and, by helping Aurora, I wanted to share my own gratitude for those who saved my ancestors in Ottoman times.
To give you a sense of Aurora’s work, here’s a quick sketch of the people it has honored since 2016: a Tutsi woman in Burundi who rescued Hutu victims there; an American physician in the Nuba mountains in Sudan who treated patients in that remote killing ground; a Rohingya Muslim lawyer who pro -
tected his people during the slaughter in Myanmar; a Yazidi activist who rescued kinsmen being murdered by the Islamic State; two Somali women who saved victims of violence in Mogadishu, and a woman activist and a doctor, both Congolese, who saved [assault] victims.
I can remember each of these people as they took the stage at the Aurora awards ceremony. They were often awkward, with little experience speaking in public, unaccustomed to taking credit for their work. Each year, I would come away from these ceremonies grateful for the enduring, inexplicable goodness in the human spirit that produces heroes like these. Vardanyan and the other two Aurora co-founders, the late Carnegie Corp. president Vartan Gregorian and Moderna co-founder Noubar Afeyan, were always humble in the presence of
these humanitarians.
Vardanyan’s trial began a week ago in Baku. Azerbaijan has brought 46 charges against him, ranging from terrorism to organized crime. But his troubles really stem from his decision to move to Karabakh in 2022 and become a senior minister in the breakaway government there, as well as an outspoken defender of the Armenian population. Throwing himself into this vortex was dangerous. But Vardanyan told his daughter that he couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t try to help fellow Armenians who have suffered so many tragedies in their history. It was gratitude in action.
Disaster followed. Azerbaijan imposed a blockade in December 2022, starving Karabakh of medicine, fuel and other essentials. Armenians tried to protect their homes, families and churches. But when Azerbaijan’s military invaded in September 2023 they fled, leaving the region ethnically “cleansed.” Vardanyan has been in an Azerbaijani prison cell ever since, along with three former presidents of Karabakh.
“Ruben was obsessed about saving
Karabakh’s Armenian character, and he paid with his freedom for that dedication,” says his friend Vahan Zanoyan, an Armenian American energy consultant who now lives in Armenia. Ten days before Azerbaijan’s invasion, Zanoyan phoned and urged Vardanyan to leave.
ment in detention, being coerced to sign falsified case materials and denied the opportunity to prepare his defense.”
The statement by Marie Struthers, the group’s director for Eastern Europe and Central Asia, urged: “The international community must closely monitor this
Vardanyan told his daughter that he couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t try to help fellow Armenians who have suffered so many tragedies in their history.
He refused. Zanoyan texted him again as troops entered Karabakh’s capital. By then, it was too late.
An Amnesty International official said last month that Vardanyan’s case “has raised serious allegations of human rights violations which include ill-treat-
high-profile case, to ensure Ruben Vardanyan’s fair trial rights and justice.”
Jared Genser, a prominent American human rights lawyer who is representing Vardanyan, hasn’t been allowed to visit his client in prison. “This is a political show trial,” he told me. “It’s a result
of his advocacy for the political rights of the people of Nagorno-Karabakh.”
Most Americans don’t know much about Armenia, let alone the Karabakh conflict. But here’s a central fact: Armenia was the first nation in the world to adopt Christianity, and it has paid dearly for its faith in a predominantly Muslim region. Vardanyan himself is a faithful Armenian Orthodox Christian, but he has always been ecumenical in spirit. Indeed, many of the humanitarians who received the Aurora prize have been Muslims.
As Vardanyan’s trial moves forward, perhaps he will have a friend in Washington. President Donald Trump said in a Truth Social post on Oct. 23: “When I am President, I will protect persecuted Christians, I will work to stop the violence and ethnic cleansing, and we will restore PEACE between Armenia and Azerbaijan.”
Here’s your chance to deliver on that promise, Mr. President, by helping a decent man escape persecution.
Isaw the screw deeply embedded in my tire. All alone on the rooftop of the parking garage of Mount Sinai hospital in Manhattan, I stared and started to feel the stress rising in my chest. The single purpose of my trip lay in a hospital bed in serious condition post-surgery. When life throws you into “crisis mode,” devoting time to worrying about flat tires was too much. Worrying about how I would travel home safely was extra too much. Luckily, the air with which I filled my tire on the side of the highway was enough to get me there safely but would not get me home.
In a panic, I called Chaverim and hoped someone would come to my rescue. Meanwhile, I started googling nearby garages from the hospital room and uttered a quiet prayer for help. A short while later, a young angel from Chaverim met me back on the rooftop, plugged my tire, and even gave me his cell number when he saw the nervous look on my face. “Call me if your need anything on the way home.” Instead of spending time with a mechanic, I was able to return to the hospital.
Voice N tes
Recovering with Angels An Open Letter of Gratitude
By Naomi Ross
Over the course of six weeks of hospitalizations and a roller coaster of complications, I got used to witnessing daily events of hashgacha and chessed such as this. It is hard to fully understand the power of chessed until your world is turned upside down, and you find yourself cradled by a support system made up of people ready and willing to be G-d’s messengers wherever and whenever they can.
“Mi K’amcha Yisrael” Moments
Days and nights blur at a hospital, as if staff’s shift changes signal the sun and moon. Family members of patients stumble into the bikur cholim room in search of a quiet respite and some form of nourishment to refuel for the next set of hours worrying. A sympathetic smile or a head nod from a fellow Jew is a reminder that you’re not alone. Gratitude fills your cup of coffee with awareness: an organization cares not only about visiting patients but also about the well-being of their families.
I would often notice the angels from Satmar Bikur Cholim in the elevators, along with their “bubby carts” loaded
with newly-packed containers, discreetly en route to restock the kitchen supply. At Mount Sinai South Nassau, Achiezer volunteers did this ahead of multiple 3-day yom tovs. They even included simanim and honey for Rosh Hashanah and left a set of arba minim for Sukkos – anything to make it feel like a yom tov in a less-than-ideal holiday environment. There were bikur cholim visits from Chesed 24/7 (thank you for “Shabbos in a box” – all the items needed for a Shabbos stay in the hospital like electric candles and grape juice!).
“What can I do to make your stay here more comfortable? Is there anything you need?” were certainly words that would never be offered by anyone from the hospital, as good as the care was. The disparity between this and the countless patients I noticed all alone and largely ignored was confounding. Even on Shabbos – a quieter time with less distractions – I witnessed angels walking across Central Park from the Upper West Side to visit any Jewish patients found in the hospital. All of it made a difference in the life of a patient
(and their family) who wished they were home.
Unexpected complications and infections brought us back to the hospital the day before Rosh Hashana. Hatzolah is a selfless holy brotherhood, a band of givers who get out of bed at ridiculous hours of the night and show up brighteyed and dedicated to help in emergent situations (when most of us would rather be sleeping). No one ever wishes to call but how grateful we should be to have that number (and if you haven’t already, that is a number you should commit to memory!). More angels smoothing the way on what is a scary ride to the Emergency Room…
Once admitted in the hospital, I exited an elevator on the wrong floor, and a “chance” meeting introduced me to an observant doctor who asked if I needed anything (and who I found out was already on his way to see my loved one!). By the end of the day, he had connected me with the Maidenbaum South Nassau Sabbath House which enabled me to stay near the hospital for yom tov and the name of someone who would be
blowing shofar for anyone who needed. The volunteer coordinator from the Sabbath House subsequently checked in with me each week to see if I needed a space in the house for Shabbos/ yom tov – a super organized angel! The ba’al tokea was there for his own father in the hospital over yom tov. With a list in hand, we made rounds to all the patients who requested to hear the shofar. Despite being tethered to IVs and/or oxygen, an ecstatic relief seemed to roll over the patients’ faces upon hearing the first tekiah, melting away their discomfort perhaps greater than any pain killer they were receiving.
“Do You see how much Your children care about Your mitzvot?!” I quietly uttered Heavenwards.
Individuals on a Mission
Beyond the organizations, there were daily shluchim, messengers from whom I witnessed and learned much about the art of caregiving. A nurse who cares and is compassionate is the lifeline of any patient and can make or break a recovery. Physical therapists and home health aides who can walk the balance between respecting autonomy and accomplishing what is in the
patient’s best interest, who can push towards steady progress and yet facilitate a return to safe independence, are able to free someone from a “patient mentality” and restore their physical and mental strength.
“Hello, my name is Charles, and it
of him. He viewed his role as a crucial agent of healing medical support and regarded that service as a privilege to provide. How often did I view difficult or unpleasant physical personal care as an honor, I asked myself? Could I shift my paradigm and regard cleaning up
Hashem is found in between the pages of bedside Tehillim, amidst the inter-curtain conversations of unlikely hospital roommates, and even on the rooftops of parking garages.
is my honor to take care of your loved one” was how one energetic nurse would introduce himself every time he entered a new patient’s room. Charles had gone into nursing after his own adolescent trials with illness made him appreciative of one of the nurses who took care
unmentionables with greater respect and humility? His example was a reminder that without proper esteem for the care we are giving, something big was at stake: the patient’s dignity. The hospital is the last place anyone wants to be. Medicinal, astringent
smells cover up other unpleasantly unctuous ones. The constant hum and sobering dinging of monitors are background noises that never become normal in your ears. Life-saving treatments not achievable or safe at home is what necessitates getting admitted, or as one doctor aptly put it, “the hospital is the best place to be when you need it, but as soon as you don’t…get out.” If you have to be there, open your eyes with gratitude to see all the miracles – revealed and unrevealed – before you. Hashem is found in between the pages of bedside Tehillim, amidst the inter-curtain conversations of unlikely hospital roommates, and even on the rooftops of parking garages.
Naomi Ross is a cooking instructor and food writer based in Woodmere, NY. She teaches classes throughout the country and writes articles connecting good cooking and Jewish inspiration. Her first cookbook, The Giving Table, was released in December 2022. Follow her at @naomirosscooks on Instagram/FB/TikTok or visit her website: www.naomirosscooks.com
The process to be awarded a military medal or citation can vary depending on the circumstances and the type of award. For standard medals, it can take weeks, but for combat awards, it is often months before the process is complete. Witnesses have to be examined, and there is a review process that often has to go through a board before the award is given out. The higher the honor generally means that the process will probably take longer; in the case of the Medal of Honor, it can take well over a year. However, this timeline is not always followed, and soldiers from wars in the past are often overlooked. Here are two stories of long-awaited medals, including one recipient who was re-awarded a medal due to extraordinary circumstances.
During the 1970s, cadets at the U.S. Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs, Colorado, knew their janitor as Mr. Crawford. One day, one of the cadets was reading about the Allied advance in Italy during World War II and stumbled across the story of a William Crawford who had been awarded the Medal of Honor. When asked if he was indeed a Medal of Honor recipient, the shy janitor humbly replied, “Yep, that’s me.” Cadets started treating him with much more respect and cleaned up after themselves to make Crawford’s job easier.
Private William Crawford was born in Pueblo, Colorado, and joined the army in 1942. In September 1943, he was with the 3rd Battalion, 142nd Infantry Regiment, 36th Infantry Division as they were slowly making their up through southern Italy. Crawford’s company was attacking German positions on Hill 424, and as squad scout, he went ahead to the crest of the hill. Machine gun and small arms fire pinned down the platoon. Without orders and under enemy fire, Crawford crawled over to one of the machines, took it out and killed three German soldiers. The American platoon was then able to advance to the crest but soon was stopped by two more machine guns. Again, Crawford moved towards one of the guns and took it out, this time with a grenade. After killing the German machine
Forgotten Her es Forgotten Medals
By Avi Heiligman
gunners, Crawford then turned his attention to the third machine gun. Another grenade from the private took it out along with one of the Germans. The rest of the enemy was forced to flee, and Crawford’s actions allowed his unit to advance.
After the battle, Crawford was captured by the Germans, and the American high command presumed that he had been killed. The Medal of Honor was presented to his father as a posthumous award, but to the surprise of everyone, William turned up alive in late 1944 after a group of American POWs were rescued. He stayed in the army until 1967 and retired as a master sergeant.
After taking the job as the janitor at the Air Force Academy, it took until 1976 for the cadets to learn his story. The cadets then found out that he was never awarded the medal personally, so a surprise was organized for their esteemed janitor. During the 1984 graduation ceremony, President Ronald Regan awarded Crawford the Medal of Honor in front of the graduating class.
Master Sergeant Roderick “Roddie” Edmonds was from Knoxville, Tennessee, and joined the army in 1941 before the U.S. entered the war. He was with the 422 nd Infantry Regiment, 106th Division, but many soldiers in the division previously had been transferred to other units Their replacements were men who weren’t from front line combat units.
They were sent into combat for the first time on December 11, 1944 and were responsible for a front covering four times the distance that a regular infantry division should have been responsible for maintaining. Five days later, on the morning of December 16, they were right in the path of the German offensive that soon became known as the Battle of the Bulge. The green troops (meaning they hadn’t seen battle before) were facing battle-hardened Germans, and they didn’t stand much of a chance. By December 19, the 422nd and 423rd Regiments had been surrounded, and around 6,000 American soldiers were forced to surrender.
Edmonds was taken as a POW and arrived at Stalag IX-A on January 27, 1945, together with 1,292 American enlisted soldiers. Since he was the highest-ranking non-commissioned officer, he was responsible for the protection of all the Americans at the camp. On the day they arrived at the camp, the commandant ordered Edmonds to have all of the Jewish POWs present themselves the next morning. Understanding the gravity of the situation, Edmonds ordered all of the men – Jews and non-Jews – to gather together near the barracks. The furious commandant then put his pistol to Edmond’s head and told him again to identify all of the Jewish soldiers. Instead, Edmonds replied, “We all Jews here,” and said that if the German killed any of the Jewish prisoners, he would have to kill them all. Edmonds
then proceeded to tell the commandant that under the Geneva Convention they all had to provide their rank, name and serial number but not their religion. The Nazi then backed down after Edmonds told him that if he shot them, he would be tried as a war criminal after the war.
For the rest of the time he spent in captivity, Edmonds protected the soldiers in the camp and is credited with saving the lives of over 200 Jewish soldiers. He never revealed the religious backgrounds of any of his men and remained with them until they were liberated.
After World War II, Edmonds stayed in the army to serve during the Korean War before returning to civilian life. He never talked about his POW experiences and only after his death in 1985 did his heroics start to come to light. His son, Chris, a Baptist minister, was looking through his father’s papers when he came across the story about the saved Jewish soldiers. He then found some of the POWs who were there to corroborate the story that he found, and the true bravery of his father became known to the public.
In 2015, Yad Vashem honored Roddie Edmonds as one of the Righteous Among the Nations. He became the first American soldiers to be recognized with the prestigious honor. The U.S. Army has denied the Medal of Honor thus far for Edmonds since the actions took place while he was in captivity and not in combat. Strong efforts have been made in Congress to give him the Congressional Gold Medal, but it has yet to have been awarded.
Both Crawford and Edmonds have incredible stories from their time in Europe during World War II. These Forgotten Heroes finally had their heroic actions come to light and the public is now aware of their extraordinary bravery that saved many lives.
Avi Heiligman is a weekly contributor to The Jewish Home. He welcomes your comments and suggestions for future columns and can be reached at aviheiligman@gmail.com.
Roddie Edmonds
President Ronald Reagan awarding William Crawford his Medal of Honor
To Raise a Laugh
Adams Harishon
Every year, in honor of Presidents’ Day, we list a bunch of amazing facts about one of our beloved presidents (non-beloved too – we just go in order). And this year we’re up to… John Adams.
Okay, this is our second year.
- John Adams was our first president to have what is clearly a fake name.
- John was born in a Massachusetts town called Braintree, which sounds like a company that makes scientific toys that are also environmentally friendly.
- In 1776, the Congress appointed five men to write the Declaration of Independence: Adams, Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin, Robert Livingston, and Roger Sherman. And as with every school project, one guy ended up doing all the work.
- We are not making this up. According to Adams’ notes, he and Jefferson argued that the other should write it. In fact, the original text of the document read, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, except John Adams, who wears a wig.”
- In addition, Jefferson voted to send Adams as part of a delegation to negotiate with the British in Staten Island, which is how John came to spend a night sharing a bed with Benjamin Franklin. Neither of them wanted to talk about it.
- Seriously. Adams actually mentions the episode in his autobiography. The two of them were part of a 3-man delegation, along with South Carolina politician Edward Rutledge, when they decided to stop for the night in New Brunswick, NJ. The inns were all full, and there were only two rooms left. Rutledge, who was in his twenties, ran for the smaller room, leaving Adams and Franklin to share, in Adams’s words, “a chamber a little larger than the bed, and with only one small window.” Hilarity ensued.
- Basically, there was no room for anyone to sleep on the floor, no room for Adams’s sheitel head, and it was only a matter of time before someone stepped on Franklin’s glasses.
- For the most part, the two spent the whole night arguing about whether to leave the window open. Adams wanted it closed so he wouldn’t get sick, and Franklin wanted it open because, in his words, “The air within this chamber will soon be,
and indeed is now, worse than that without doors.” This is a famous quote from Benjamin Franklin that should be used way more than it is.
- “Come!” he told Adams. “Open the window and come to bed, and I will convince you: I believe you are not acquainted with my Theory of Colds.”
- So Adams left the window open, and he had to lay there all night listening to Franklin go on about his theory anyway, while he stared at the ceiling in silence and wondered if it was too late to bunk with Rutledge.
- The peace conference they were traveling to lasted just a few hours and produced no results. Probably they were tired. The war was over seven years later.
- Adams was also the first person to propose the idea of a U.S. military academy. Before that, the soldiers were volunteers and had no idea what they were doing. Half of them forgot to bring shoes to the war. “We didn’t think we’d need them,” they said. “Do you have like a gun I could borrow?”
- When George Washington was unanimously nominated as president, John Adams became our country’s first vice president, going on to do the same kinds of important things as all the other vice presidents since.
- We make fun, but Adams was disappointed too, once he got into office and learned that the vice president didn’t really do anything. He seems to have spent most of his time trying to stave off boredom by coming up with an official title for the president. He didn’t like the term president, because it sounds like that guy in your shul who does the announcements.
- In the end he had it down to, “Elective Majesty” which was not catchy, or “His Highness The President of the United States of America and Protector of the Rights of the Same”, or HHTPOTUSOAAPOTROTS for short.
- Jefferson called Adams’s proposal “The most superlatively ridiculous thing I ever heard of,” and everyone started calling Adams “His Rotundity,” which is Colonial passive-aggressive for “Fatso.” Unfortunately, as vice president, he didn’t have the power to get them to stop.
- So when Washington retired in 1796, Adams ran for president, under the slogan, “Make America Great Again.”
- He beat out Thomas Jefferson, who was
By Mordechai Schmutter
none too happy, because the latter was up all night writing campaign speeches.
- When Adams won, Jefferson became his vice president, because at the time, the rule was that the person with the second most votes for president became vice president. Second place prize, right? This sounds like an excellent idea.
- During his presidency, Adams’s main accomplishment was keeping the United States out of war with France. This wasn’t easy, because everyone was pushing for a war, including three negotiators in France whom he referred to in his notes as X, Y, and Z, because loshon hara.
- He was also the first president to live in the White House. He moved in in November of 1800, and at that point, the building wasn’t even done. It was damp and smelled like paint fumes, and Mrs. Adams used the unfinished East Room (now a banquet hall) to hang the presidential laundry. Presidential laundry had to be hung indoors, or people would keep making off with his knickers.
- The president lived in the White House for 4 months, until he was kicked out, probably because of the laundry situation.
- In both 1798 and 1799, Adams tried to proclaim a national fast day. In a letter in 1812, he wrote that he believed that that’s what lost him the election in 1800. It was pretty unpopular.
- Or maybe it was the campaign itself that made him lose. He was once again up against Thomas Jefferson, who was still sore at Adams for failing to mention that the that vice president didn’t really do anything. And so began one of the most mud-slingingest campaigns in history.
- In the end, Jefferson won. And as policy dictated, Adams became his vice president.
- Over his dead body.
- In the end, the two of them died on the same day (in 1826) – July 4th. Their cause of death was unknown, but we suspect that someone got super competitive with the fireworks.
Mordechai Schmutter is a freelance writer and a humor columnist for Hamodia and other magazines. He has also published eight books and does stand-up comedy. You can contact him at MSchmutter@gmail.com.
Yitzchak Goldberg & Raizy Werner
Eli Walfish (Queens) & Yakira Bogart (Baltimore)
Menachem Hochberg & Elisheva Ehsanipoor
Ari Cohen (Boca Raton) & Chana Raizel Rabhan (Baltimore/Savannah)
Want to see your simcha here? Email mazeltov@baltimorejewishhome.com or text 443-675-6507 to submit your simcha!
Ari & Aleah Poliakoff on the birth of a son
Mr. & Mrs. Yonatan Ziegler on the birth of a son
Jacob & Kaila Schonland on the birth of a daughter
Rabbi Aryeh & Dr. Chana Richter on the birth of a son
Efi & Rina Weisz on the birth of twin sons
Yosef & Ateret Feldman on the birth of a son
Want to see your simcha here? Email mazeltov@baltimorejewishhome.com or text 443-675-6507 to submit your simcha!
My Choice Tech Triumphs
As told to Rebbetzin Sara Gross
Iam not attached to my phone. My kids are all married, and some of my grandchildren are married too. Most of my life, I didn’t even have a cell phone at all.
I’m not going to lie; I use my phone plenty now. I get pictures of all my loved ones and updates on simchas, and unfortunately, sad news too, on WhatsApp and email. I never considered putting a filter on my phone because I don’t even use it to see anything inappropriate. Why would I need one?
Then my daughter convinced me it was worth it. Why should I have no control over what ads pop up or emails with pictures I didn’t ask to see? I agreed with her reasoning and went to TAG to put on a filter.
I laugh at myself now because I can’t get attachments of YouTube clips and silly videos people used to send me, but it’s nice to know that I can choose what to see and what not to. If I specifically want to see something, I use my husband’s phone! Now, I can choose for myself and have control over what my eyes see.
DID YOU KNOW:
One of the newest iPhone and iPad features is the ability to hide apps so they can only be accessed with a passcode or other ID. This can be useful for parents who want to hide certain apps—like a browser or video streaming service—from children who borrow their phone. However, this feature also presents a challenge when it comes to moni-
toring a child’s smartphone, as they may be using it to hide apps from you. While it’s important to check your child’s device periodically to ensure it’s being used appropriately, there may be parts of the device you’re not able to see.
Another concern, which is not new, is apps that disguise themselves as safe tools, like a calculator or journal, but actually serve as vaults for hiding other apps. These hidden apps could include an unfiltered browser or a movie streaming app. Be wary of new downloads, even ones that look harmless, and take the time to verify that they are what they appear to be.
Lastly, the apps visible on a smartphone’s home screen—or even
across multiple screens—are not necessarily all the apps on the phone, even if some are not deliberately hidden. Apps may be organized into folders, or just not pinned to the home screen and only accessible through the full app library list. When monitoring your child’s device, be sure to check the complete list of installed apps to get a clearer picture of what’s actually on the device. If your child is using the iPhone’s hidden apps feature, make sure you have the code to unlock and review those apps as well.
By Baltimoreans for Baltimoreans
Parenting Pearls Anger Management
By Sara Rayvych, MSEd
It happens even though we try so hard to prevent it. We get frustrated or angry, and we say or do things we shouldn’t. We may yell or speak sarcastically. Perhaps we gave an excessively harsh punishment. While there are many ways an angry person can act, none of them are pretty.
It’s often surprising how even the gentlest parent can respond when angry. I’ve seen outwardly calm and controlled adults turn into shrieking monsters when confronting a toddler. Anger is painful, both to the one personally experiencing it and to the recipient of the response. It is extra damaging for a child to be on the receiving end of an angry parent. As we’re not malachim, it’s almost inevitable that we will become upset, but it’s still important to minimize the frequency and level of our response.
By working to control our negative emotions we can model for our children the importance of working on one’s middos. Expressing beautiful lofty ideas about good middos isn’t as powerful as demonstrating for our children how much we take our own behavior seriously.
This article is assuming the general situations when a parent gets upset and may yell or say something regretful. Unfortunately, there are times that anger leads to abuse – physical or emotional. Such painful and dangerous situations need to be immediately referred to pro -
fessionals who can help the family. We can’t let our discomfort in speaking out stop us from saving a child.
Tips and Techniques
There are many techniques parents can use to calm down. Different techniques work for different people, and it’s important to find what works for that individual. I’d like to mention a few of the available options, and parents can try each out to see what works best for them. Many individuals will benefit from having more than one to use when the need arises.
There are different reasons these techniques can help calm a person down. One way is they distract the person from their current feelings and redirect their attention elsewhere. They also create a delay which gives time for the anger to dissipate. Some of the techniques work to actively change the person’s feelings, producing sensations of calm or love instead of the current emotion.
Delaying your response is a simple way to not do something regretful. Most of the time, we don’t need to respond immediately, even if our anger tells us to do so. Unless a child is in danger or hurting another, you can usually wait a bit before responding. Discussing the issue later is especially helpful with older children and teens. It’s important to note that very young children have limited atten-
tion spans and are unlikely to remember something if it’s discussed later.
Counting is a simple way to refocus yourself and calm down. You can count up or down, whichever is preferred. Many like the number ten, but some parents may need higher or lower numbers. To be most effective, the counting should be done slowly, at an even pace and tone. The counting provides an opportunity to refocus and calm down, which is only possible with a slow, even count.
Keeping your tone even and lowering your volume is surprisingly effective at helping soothe an angry adult. We assume our actions must follow our emotions, but often, our actions can actually control our feelings. Speaking in a low and even voice requires concentration, and it naturally tones down the body’s response.
It’s helpful to remember the child’s age and development. A two-year-old can cause a serious ruckus, but we can remind ourselves that the child is still in diapers. A teen may be speaking disrespectfully but remembering the many physical changes they’re going through can help us have compassion before responding.
It can also be helpful to remember how much we love them. Even when we’re angry we can usually tap into how much we love and adore that child. Thinking about all the times they are sweet and acting innocent can also work.
Switching your breathing into a calm and even pattern is incredibly effective at soothing the mind and relaxing the body. There are many ways to do this, but they usually involve breathing in slowly to a count (for example, counting to five) in order to elongate the length of the inhale. The same is done when exhaling. You can consciously relax your body while doing this, if that’s helpful. Many mothers may be familiar with this technique as it’s often taught in childbirth classes. Relaxing breathing is one of my personal favorites because it’s also good when experiencing stress or having trouble sleeping – it’s incredibly universal.
Putting on music or moving your body can be helpful for calming down and letting out steam. Music speaks to us in a way that goes beyond words, and body movement brings out emotions when healthy verbalizing is a challenge.
There are times that a parent is unable to calm themselves down and is at risk of taking out their anger. In these situations, the best response may be for the adult to remove themselves from the area until they calm down. Ensure the children are safe first and step away to use one of the techniques above.
It’s my suggestion to practice these techniques when you’re calm. Many of them can only be used effectively if you’re already proficient in them. For example, it’s very hard to first learn to
breathe calmly when you’re furious and ready to explode. If you’re experienced at it then not only will you be able to access it when you need to, but your body will already be trained to calm itself just from the motion.
It’s important to remember that you can have every trick, but they only work if you use them. Sometimes, parents erroneously think that just knowing information will help, but with anger management, the techniques only work if you put them into practice.
It’s very hard to control our emotions – especially anger. There are some people who are unable to control their anger no matter how many tips and tricks they learn. Some individuals will find inspiration from a sefer or the teachings of Chazal on the dangers of anger, but for many, it may be necessary to work with a professional when they find the standard techniques are insufficient. A professional will have more tips and tricks and can help guide you in correctly implementing the ones you already have. For some adults, their high level of anger is related to a different emotional issue and a professional can help address whatever is the root cause of their strong emotions.
Many adults may be embarrassed to
seek help for anger issues. It can help to remember that professionals who work in this field know not to judge the many individuals who come to them for this issue. It can also be motivating remembering how dangerous an angry parent can be to a child – and we owe them the best we can be.
place, but we still want to do whatever damage control we can afterwards. Some may be afraid it diminishes their kavod to admit their mistakes to a child, but I think the way we misbehaved was the bigger risk to our kavod.
Even parents can apologize to children. Apologies need to be sincere and
their behavior. This is different from a parent responding appropriately to misbehavior which can be considered a natural consequence. For example, the natural consequence for a child who didn’t come home in time may involve a serious discussion or losing the privilege of going to a friend’s house after school. Losing control and shrieking angrily would not be a natural consequence.
We can still use this opportunity to properly guide the child in a way we didn’t before. “I was wrong for yelling, but now that I’m calm, we still need to discuss your responsibility to come home when you say you’re going to.”
Even a generally calm parent may struggle with anger management when under major stress or other life changes. These individuals should reach out for the support they need to help them get through their current challenges. Ignoring it and hoping it goes away is not very effective.
Fixing the Mess
It’s ideal to not get angry in the first
not accusatory or shifting the blame. “I’m sorry I yelled, but if you hadn’t done that I wouldn’t have gotten angry” is a fake apology and blaming the child for the adult’s behavior. As the big people in this relationship, we are certainly responsible for our own actions.
A child may act up, but they don’t “force” the parent to misbehave. Our incorrect actions, such as becoming overly angry, are not a natural consequence to
Children test our middos, but it’s through this that we get the chance to grow. It is very hard to control one’s anger – much harder than an article can describe – but with persistence and tefillos we can do more than we thought possible. Any improvement is a big success and will yield brachos.
Sara Rayvych, MSEd, has her master’s in general and special education. She has been homeschooling for over 10 years in Far Rockaway. She can be contacted at RayvychHomeschool@gmail.com.
Hatred Or Love Living Kiddush Hashem
TBy Rabbi Shraga Freedman
he Torah is replete with halachos designed to separate us from non-Jews (bishul akum, pas akum, chalav akum, stam yeinam, and so forth). In addition, Chazal (Sifri, Bamidbar 69) tell us “Halacha Eisav sonei es Yaakov.” Doesn’t this separation and natural sense of enmity make our mission all that much more difficult?
The Netziv (Sefer Sheair Yisrael) explains that the relationship between the
robs us of our ability to have any impact at all on the world.
If a Jew loses his uniqueness, and blends into his surroundings, he will have lost the means by which he achieves his ultimate purpose of kiddush Hashem. For this reason, Hashem instills anti-Semitism in the nations of the world; if the Jews fail to maintain their uniqueness, the separation is restored and preserved by the natural dislike of Jews that denies the Jewish people access to non-Jew
time for Shacharis arrived. He donned his tallis and tefillin and began to daven with his usual intense kavanah. A non-Jewish stewardess who observed the scene realized that she was not appropriately dressed. She quickly retrieved some blankets from an overhead compartment and covered herself, then announced to the entire plane that breakfast would be delayed to give the rabbi a chance to finish his prayers, and that everyone should use the restroom in the front of the plane so as not to walk past the Rabbi and disturb his prayers. A demonstration of true kedushah evokes admiration.
If we transcend the negativity and embody a pure reflection of Hashem’s midos and kedushah—untainted by external in-
If we rise above the hate and develop a pure reflection of Hashems midos and kedusha untainted by the influences of society, the world will drawn to follow our lead and it will be filled with love and G-dliness
Yeshayahu (Isaiah) 11:9:
Rabbi Shraga Freedman is the author of Sefer Mekadshei Shemecha, Living Kiddush Hashem, and A Life Worth Living.
Email LivingKiddushHashem@ gmail.com for a free sefer. Visit LivingKiddushHashem.org for more resources
Living Kiddush Hashem was
Sparks of Light
The Self-Tending Orchard Tu B’Shvat and the Wisdom of Gardening
Tu B’Shvat is often misunderstood. Set in the midwinter orchard, frozen in stillness, bare branches against crisp air, Tu B’Shvat is colloquially famous as the Rosh Hashanah for trees. The Mishna outlines the chosen date in Rosh Hashana (2b): “Beis Shammai says that Rosh Hashana for trees is the first of Shevat. Bais Hillel says the 15th.”
It’s natural to assume that Tu B’Shvat functions as a day of divine judgment. But this assumption is mistaken. There is a judgement for trees; it just isn’t on Tu B’Shvat! The Gemara (Rosh Hashanah 16a) states that trees are judged on Shavuos. Tu B’Shvat, by contrast, does not mark an external reckoning, but an inflection point within the tree’s growth cycle.
Tu B’Shvat marks a transition. After this date, new fruit that begins to bud belongs to the upcoming year for the purposes of maasros. Since maaser follows a strict annual cycle, halacha requires a clear boundary. But why set this boundary in the dead of winter amid dormant trees? The answer lies in a striking phenomenon. The Gemara (Rosh Hashanah 14a) explains that by this point of the winter, most of the rain that will nourish the tree in the coming growth season has fallen and seeped into the ground. Subtly, the process of renewal is already underway.
There is a critical perspective embedded in the choice of Tu B’Shvat. There is a seasonality to growth, which needn’t and perhaps cannot be linear. As Shlomo HaMelech writes there is “a time to plant, and a time to uproot the planted” (Koheles 3:2). More mildly, there is a time to absorb and a time to produce. A phase of internal preparation transforms, often with astonishing speed, into verdant foliage and edible fruit.
The Sfas Emes (Tu B’Shvat 5644) captures this dynamic:
In the winter, growth is not visible, but that is when the tree absorbs and col-
By Rabbi Benny Berlin
lects all of its vitality from the rain. Then, in the summer, what was gathered in the fall and winter is revealed outwardly.
This seasonal rhythm extends beyond nature. The laws of maasros (as outlined
Nowhere is this truer than in the most delicate and profound cycle of growth we nurture: the development of our children.
In Mishlei (22:6 ), Shlomo Hamlech instructs us, “Chanoch l’naar al pi dar-
Education is not an act of rigid molding but of creating an environment –gardening, not sculpting.
in Maasros 1:1) apply specifically to cultivated produce reinforcing that the Tu B’Shvat model is not about wild, unbounded growth. It is about growth within the world we shape. Adam HaRishon is charged to the world “l’avdah u’l’shomrah,” to cultivate and preserve, and we, too, are called to embrace the seasonality of development in the domains we tend.
ko,” to educate our children on their individual path. This directive acknowledges that even within the ordered world of human cultivation, growth does not follow an immutable trajectory. Education is not an act of rigid molding but of creating an environment – gardening, not sculpting. We should wisely attend to phases and seasons providing soil, water and light
but otherwise watching the growth season. The exquisite bonsai tree is a beautiful curiosity whose fragility doesn’t permit exposure to the great outdoors. In conjunction with the culmination of the rainy season, according to Rashi (Rosh Hashana 14a), a fascinating process begins; under pressure from water in the roots, sap pushes sugars to the heights of towering trees. Effort and investment in education can feel like tending an orchard in winter, but as gardeners we should be reassured: the child’s season changes imperceptibly, with lessons and values taking root long before they surface. A child thrives when allowed to explore knowledge and develop understanding in a structured yet self-directed way. There is something remarkable about Chazal’s choice of Tu B’Shvat. In understanding the significance of this date, we must also contrast it with a more intuitive choice. A later point in the season, when blossoms appear and fruit begins to form, would seem a more natural candidate (Rashi on Rosh Hashana 14a). Yet, Chazal chose a moment not of visible flourishing but of accumulated potential. Tu B’Shvat does not celebrate what is seen, but what is becoming. Unless we want to formulaically determine results, we must hallow the gift of potential and relax our grip on the process.
In an age obsessed with constant assessment and quantifiable outcomes, Tu B’Shvat offers an antidote. It calls on parents and educators to cultivate patience, trust in unseen processes, and recognize that our role is not to mold growth but to nourish it. The fruit will come, in its season.
Rabbi Benny Berlin is the rabbi of BACH Jewish Center located in Long Baeach, New York. For more information, visit: https://www. bachlongbeach.com/.
TJH Centerfold
10 Results of Eggflation
Puns hit an all-time low – no more egg-cellent puns...it’s a yolk-free wasteland out here.
Egg cartons sold on eBay as luxury items – “Vintage 12-egg carton, 2023 model, mint condition. Bids starting at $500.”
Sunday morning breakfast/shiurim are now BYOE.
The term “nest egg” becomes literal – forget retirement savings; people are now stashing real eggs in their safes.
Without eggs, we can’t even crack a joke anymore.
Eggfluencers on social media are flexing their stash of eggs along with their car and handbag collections.
Eggs are making so much money that they no longer have to be bald – they are all going to Turkey for hair transplants.
You Gotta Be Kidding Me!
Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
Gym bros mourn the loss of their favorite protein – “Bro, how am I supposed to hit my macros without a dozen boiled eggs a day?!?”
To save money, people are making steak sandwiches for breakfast.
Chickens are hiring agents to represent them… “Supply and demand, baby. Wanna talk egg prices? Call my agent.”
How Much Do You Know Egg-xactly?
1. Iowa is the highest egg producing state in the U.S. Approximately how many eggs per year does it produce?
a. 14 million
b. 62 million
c. 198 million
d. 15 billion
2. How long does it take for a chicken to produce an egg?
a. 7 minutes
b. 2 hours and 16 minutes
c. Approximately 4 hours
d. Approximately 25 hours
3. Why does a hen turn her egg nearly 50 times a day?
a. To keep the yolk from sticking to the side
b. To help the egg get a better oval shape
Riddle Me This
c. To thicken the shell
d. To make the egg bigger
4. Which vitamin is NOT present in eggs?
a. Vitamin D
b. Vitamin A
c. Vitamin E
d. Vitamin C
5. Which country consumes the most eggs per capita?
a. United States
b. Japan
c. Germany
d. China
6. What is a common practice to test if an egg is fresh?
a. Shake it
b. Place it in water to see if it sinks
c. Crack it open
d. Smell the shell
Answers:
Wisdom Key:
5-6 correct: Eggcellent!
3-4 correct: Eggaxtly down the middle!
0-2 correct: You must be eggshausted. After all, you laid it all out there!
You want to boil a two-minute egg. If you only have a three-minute timer (hourglass), a four-minute timer, and a five-minute timer, how can you boil the egg for only two minutes?
Answer: Once the water is boiling, turn the three-minute timer and five-minute timer over. When the three-minute timer runs out, put the egg in the boiling water. When the five-minute timer runs out, two minutes have elapsed, and it is time to take the egg out of the water. You don’t need to use the 4-minute timer at all.
Notable Quotes “Say What?!”
Certain items we needed…were held up for six, seven or eight months. This can’t be explained just by a slow bureaucracy. There were [bureaucrats] who simply stopped these things, and there were legal officials who leaned very hard on the top brass of the State Department, including on Secretary [of State Antony] Blinken, not to authorize weapons transfers.
- Former Israel Ambassador to the U.S. Michael Herzog in an interview with The Times of Israel, talking about the Biden administration holding up key military aid during the Gaza conflict
The truth is, the woke world took over the Democratic Party. So common sense was for the taking, and Trump took it. Now the Dems are on the outside looking in like Joe Biden at a mausoleum.
- Gret Gutfeld, Fox
On occasion, they break, they explode... I don’t think that plastic is going to affect a shark very much as they’re munching their way through the ocean.
- President Trump explaining why he reversed the Biden plastic straw ban
I don’t want to do that. I’ll leave him alone. He’s got enough problems with his wife. She’s terrible.
- President Trump when asked whether he will deport Prince Harry, who is married to Meghan Markle
A lot of people forget that Gaza was once a place inhabited by both Jews and Palestinians, until 2005 when [former Israeli prime minister] Ariel Sharon decided to give it all away. He did. They militarily marched 10,000 Jewish people out of Gaza, turned it into a complete Palestinian state, and the result we saw was Oct. 7.
- U.S. ambassador-designate to Israel Mike Huckabee on Fox News Sunday
Gaza could have been Singapore. Instead, Hamas turned it into Haiti.
-ibid.
Look at this humiliation they put them through before they’re released, where they do these big public displays of force. Do any of those Hamas fighters look like they’ve been skipping meals? Do any of those Hamas fighters that you see look like they’ve been suffering over the last year and a half?
- Secretary of Defense Marco Rubio
Hamas is evil. It’s pure evil. These are monsters. These are savages. That’s a group that needs to be eradicated.
- ibid.
I hope people can see who these people actually are, in the condition of these hostages – not just the conditions that they’re in when they’re released, but what they have to endure on the way out.
- ibid.
We have to bring religion back. We have to bring it back much stronger. It’s one of the biggest problems that we’ve had over the last fairly long period of time. We have to bring it back.
- President Donald Trump at the National Prayer Breakfast
Never give up. Never ever give up. You can’t. How about me? If I would have given up, I would not be here right now. Who … knows where I’d be? It might not be a good place. If it was up to the Democrats, it would not be a good place at all.
-ibid.
And if I was a little more than that 90-degree angle, it would be no good. And if I was a little less, it would be no good. It had to be perfect. The thing went “shhh” right along the edge. It didn’t affect my hair. Can you believe that? It might’ve touched it. Might have touched it, but not where it counts, not the skin part. But it changed something in me, I feel. I feel even stronger. I believed in G-d, but I feel much more strongly about it.
-ibid., recalling the assassination attempt in Butler, PA
I mean it’s really — and he’s jealous of everybody. Now he’s getting rid of the penny; he’s even jealous of Lincoln. He’s so small, so petty.
- The View’s Joy Behar’s—one of the TDS holdouts, who was not a math major—giving her brilliant analysis of why Trump is stopping the production of the penny…which costs two cents to make
Dating Dialogue What Would You Do If…
Moderated by Jennifer Mann, LCSW of The Navidaters
Dear Navidaters,
Dear Navidaters,
I appreciate reading your column every week. I’m writing in regard to a hard situation I find myself in. I am a 34-year-old guy who has been told many times that I have everything going for me. The problem is, without giving too much detail, I’ve been told that my interesting job, which requires a lot of travel, as well as all of my plethora of volunteering dubs me as “a little bit out there” or “too much” for your typical frum girl.
I am looking for a solid frum girl, not necessarily a run-of-the-mill type but someone basically solid frum, modern machmir type. The type of girl I am looking for does not usually say yes to me, and when they do, it doesn’t last more than a couple of dates. There are some girls that would be interested but I am not interested in them – either they are not my type or too nerdy or I’m not attracted (attraction is very important to me).
I’m starting to wonder if marriage will ever happen for me. Is there anything I can do to make things turn around?
Please advise.
Thanks, Danny*
Disclaimer: This column is not intended to diagnose or otherwise conclude resolutions to any questions. Our intention is not to offer any definitive conclusions to any particular question, rather offer areas of exploration for the author and reader. Due to the nature of the column receiving only a short snapshot of an issue, without the benefit of an actual discussion, the panel’s role is to offer a range of possibilities. We hope to open up meaningful dialogue and individual exploration.
The Panel
Dear Readers,
We want to offer YOU an opportunity to be part of the discussion!
Please email us at MichelleMondShadchan@gmail.com, subject line “reader’s response,” if you would like to participate in the new “A Reader’s Response” columnist spot. We will send you a question and publish your answer in an upcoming Navidaters edition.
If you have a question you would like the Navidaters to answer, please reach out to this email as well.
Looking forward!
Michelle, the “Shadchan”
The Rebbetzin
Rebbetzin Lisa Babich
Hi and thank you for your question. I had two separate thoughts when I read your question, and I will share them each separately.
Firstly, I find the premise of your question to be based on where you live. For example, I live in Manhattan where there are many colorful frum singles with interesting jobs and hobbies. I don’t think someone would be quickly dismissed just because their work is “out of the box.” It could be in a neighborhood that is less eclectic, these things tend to stick out more.
Perhaps you are looking in the wrong circles. There are many frum girls who would appreciate someone with an interesting lifestyle as long as it’s compatible with also building a home. You did mention that you travel a lot, and I can imagine that a girl would want some reassurance that her husband will be home and present and part of the family. However, many jobs require people to travel, and as a couple, you can usually figure out a happy medium together.
The second point I was thinking is that I wonder if some of the girls who are in a more “cookie cutter” background are not interested because of your job or because of your personality? What do I mean? Sometimes people who are attracted to more eclectic work are people who also have more eclectic personalities. I am saying this in a good way but also in a way that promotes self-awareness. It could be you need a girl who is a little out-of-the-box herself. Perhaps someone very frum but not the exact Bais Yaakov mold in every way. It’s important that you are being honest with yourself and who you are when you are looking for a certain type. It is very possible
that a girl with a more quirky personality would appreciate your interests, hobbies, and out-of-the-box lifestyle as you would appreciate her spunk and open-mindedness to life.
There are many wonderful and frum girls out there who are open-minded and would even be excited to date someone with such an interesting job and lifestyle. I do believe if you are open to going a bit outside your community and stereotypical image you can find her!
The Shadchan
Michelle Mond
Your situation is undoubtedly disheartening, and I can imagine it feels very frustrating. I would like to pose a possibility that might help you beginning with a comparison.
There is a man named Ben who has an item that he would like to purchase. This item is high quality, however Ben has rigid price requirements and only wants a specific brand of this item (no off-brands, similar items, different packaging, or dupes). He goes into store after store but with no success. Some stores carry the item, but it is not within his price requirement. Some stores carry items that are very similar but a bit different. Ben has been looking for this item for years, and as the years go on, this item becomes even more expensive and hard to attain. Ben starts to panic, and suddenly he comes to a conclusion about what the real problem is: HIS CAR. The car he is driving is the wrong type of car to drive him to the stores to buy the item he is looking for. He does not have money to buy a new car but goes around sadly blaming his old car on the fact that he cannot buy this item he desperately wants and needs. As you have probably surmised by now,
the car has nothing to do with Ben not being able to purchase the item. Similarly, your comment about your job and profession, I feel is a red herring. It is a distraction from the real issue. If Ben would like to finally purchase this item, he has to make a cognitive choice. Ben must come to the realization that to finally get the item he wants, he has to purchase a different brand of this same item.
I see this so many times with the singles that I set up as they get older. The exact “make and model” they are looking for does not match the person looking for it. Of course, the single can pursue whomever he/she wants, but that does not mean this person will find someone in this category who will accept and want them. This leads to years and years of frustration, confusion and loneliness.
You must work on your self-awareness, possibly with a dating coach (I work on this, too, with my coaching clients, and it does wonders). Discuss the issues at hand to come to a nice conclusion regarding what kind of woman is the most likely to appreciate, respect, and want to spend a life with you. That will ultimately be the avenue you will take that will lead you to finally settle down with your bashert.
The Zaidy
Dr. Jeffrey Galler
This is what I gather from your letter: You are a 34-year-old guy with an important job that requires some travelling. Besides your job, you do a lot of volunteering. You are looking for a solid, frum, modern machmir, attractive girl but are having trouble finding the right one.
My initial reaction was, “Why is this great guy having a problem?!” There are, unfortunately, so many, many wonderful, qualified young women who fit your criteria, who are almost DESPERATELY looking for someone like you.
So, there is something wrong here. I am wondering if there is something in your past that has given you a bad reputation? Or, perhaps, you are, somehow, not presenting yourself properly on dates. Do you get any helpful feedback from the shadchanim you have spoken with?
In this column, I like to emphasize a common sense solution to problems, because, sadly, common sense is often very uncommon. I hardly ever recommend ther-
apists or counselors, but you, personally, could benefit from seeing a dating counselor, who might help you discover why you’re having difficulty.
I asked a good friend of mine, who is a very successful shadchan, if she had any advice for you. This is what she wrote:
“I think he should read an excellent book that I just read, called ‘How Not to Die Alone,’ by Logan Yuri. In the author’s opinion, falling in love is more a decision than an emotion, and categorizes people as either Maximizers or Satisficers.
“A maximizer constantly seeks the absolute best option, meticulously evaluating every potential partner, leading to decision paralysis and feelings of dissatisfaction, even when choosing a good match.
“By contrast, satisficers are folks who settle for a ‘good enough’ option, make decisions more quickly, and generally feel happier with their choices, even if it’s not technically the ‘perfect’ one.
“Essentially then, maximizers strive for perfection while satisficers prioritize contentment with a reasonable choice.
“These are her key points about maximizers and satisficers:
• Decision-making: Maximizers overthink and compare options endlessly, while satisficers make decisions more readily once they find a satisfactory option.
• Happiness: Satisficers tend to be happier with their decisions because they focus on the positive aspects of their choice rather than constantly questioning if there was a ‘better’ option.
• Dating context: A maximizer might constantly swipe left on dating apps, always searching for the ‘perfect’ partner, while a satisficer might be more open to forming a connection with someone who meets their basic needs and is willing to invest in the relationship.
“The author’s premise is that you need to change your mindset in order to become a satisficer. It might be a good read for this 34-year-old guy.”
Reader’s Response
Isaiah Cox
The Curmudgeon
Let’s start with a simple choice: either you change your tastes (and marry a nice but nerdier girl) or you change your behavior. Because I am a hopeless romantic, I am going to assume that you would
prefer to embrace the challenge of changing your behavior rather than “settling” for a girl you find less attractive.
Here goes!
While the type of girl you are interested in does not usually accept a date, it is clear that you are achieving at least some dates, which means that you do occasionally get the opportunity to make it work. All of this suggests that the problem is not your job, travel or volunteering. The problem is your behavior.
It may well be that you sim-
ply are going about the sales process the wrong way. I am sure your work is fantastic and interesting. I am equally confident that everyone you talk to thinks it is equally great. But is it possible that the way in which you present yourself is, as you say, “too much”?
In the animal kingdom, females gravitate to the Alpha. The Alpha can be as self-absorbed as he likes, because females gravitate toward power. And although most of humanity are guided by similar
Pulling It All Together
The Navidaters
Dating and Relationship Coaches and Therapists
Dear Danny, Thanks for writing in. First off, I just want to say that I really hear you. You’re not just venting; you’re genuinely trying to understand what’s going on and why things aren’t clicking. That kind of self-awareness is huge, and it tells me you’re the type of guy who is willing to do the inner work, which is half the battle. It sounds like you’re in a frustrating loop; the women you want don’t seem to go for you and the ones who do aren’t a match for you, whether because of attraction, personality, or just a lack of chemistry. That’s a tough spot to be in, especially when people keep telling you that you “have everything going for you.” It must be frustrating wondering why this isn’t translating into a lasting relationship.
Here’s what stands out to me:
1. How Are You Being Perceived?
You describe yourself as someone with an interesting job, a lot of travel, and a big passion for volunteering. That’s incredible, but is it possible that the way you present it makes women feel like you’re more of a “free spirit” than a guy who’s ready to build a stable home? I’m not saying you should
change who you are, but I do wonder if small shifts in how you frame things could change how you’re being received.
For example, instead of “I travel a lot and do a ton of volunteering,” it might be, “I have a job I love, I’m very passionate about chessed, and I’m looking for someone who shares my values and wants to build a warm, solid home with me.” Same facts, different vibe.
2. Are You Open to Attraction Developing?
You said attraction is very important to you—and you are absolutely right. It matters. You shouldn’t be with someone you aren’t drawn to. But you also mentioned that the women who are interested in you tend to feel “too nerdy” or “not your type.” It makes me wonder—are you leaving room for attraction to grow over time? Sometimes, attraction isn’t immediate, but chemistry builds when there’s depth, shared values, and real emotional connection.
I’m not suggesting you force yourself
instincts, Jewish women are generally not that weak-minded. Instead, they want to be fully involved in their relationships, not merely ancillary to their husbands. No wife wants to be allocated a slice of her husband’s time and energies; she wants to be part of your life!
Have you ever challenged yourself to try to see yourself through the eyes of the young ladies? That can be uncomfortable, to be sure, but it is also necessary for deep and strong relationships.
Guys who like to talk about themselves are not Grade A material in the frum world. So ask yourself: when you go on a date, who does most of the talking?
Yes, women might be impressed by a guy who has a cool profession. But more than that: they want a great guy who thinks that they are remarkable and interesting and special. Are you asking real and serious questions about her, who
she is, and what she is looking for in life? After three dates, you should know more about her than you know about the organizations you volunteer for.
If you take a real interest in the young lady across the table, then you can make the sale much more easily: she needs to see that you are the kind of man who makes a good living, who cares about other people (through your volunteer work), but who will, absolutely, prioritize your wife and family above all else. That means understanding that, for example, trade-offs will have to be made (certainly on the volunteering, and possibly even on the job) to ensure that you are in fact the kind of man to whom she wants to commit the rest of her life.
After all, marriage should not be about merely changing your status – it is about having a life.
Good hunting!
to be into someone. But I am wondering if your “type” is filtering out women who could actually be a great match for your personality and lifestyle. Just something to sit with.
3. Are You Looking in the Right Places?
It sounds like you’re looking for a solid, frum woman who isn’t totally conventional—someone with depth but also a little bit of an adventurous streak. That’s a very specific balance. Have you considered widening your search? The shidduch system tends to favor predictability, and you’re not necessarily a predictable guy. Maybe the kind of woman you’d connect with is out there, but she’s just not in the usual dating circles.
Would you be open to meeting people in different ways—through professional networks, volunteering, mutual friends, or even just social events where you get to know people without the pressure of dating right away? Sometimes, the right person is in the room, but you won’t know unless you step out of the usual formula.
4. Marriage Will Happen for You— But Not on Anyone Else’s Timeline
You asked if marriage will ever happen for you. I feel the weight of that question, and I get it. It’s hard to watch other people pair up while you feel like you’re spinning your wheels. But people who are a little different—who have big personalities, big dreams, and a strong sense of self—often take longer to find their person. Not because they’re “too much,” but because their match is just as unique as they are.
I truly believe you’ll find your person. It just might require looking at things from a new angle—whether that’s tweaking how you present yourself, being open to chemistry building over time, or expanding where you meet people.
I know the waiting is hard. But when it happens, it’ll be with someone who sees you, who loves your energy and your passion, and who is just as excited to build something real with you.
Hang in there, Danny. You’re not doing anything wrong; you’re just looking for something rare. And that takes time.
Wishing you clarity and the right person at the right time.
Warmly, Jennifer
Jennifer Mann, LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and certified trauma healing life coach, as well as a dating and relationship coach working with individuals, couples, and families in private practice at 123 Maple Avenue in Cedarhurst, NY. To set up a consultation or to ask questions, please call 718-908-0512. Visit www.thenavidaters.com for more information. If you would like to submit a dating or relationship question to the panel anonymously, please email JenniferMannLCSW@gmail.com. You can follow The Navidaters on FB and Instagram for dating and relationship advice.
Law & Order
Navigating International Shidduchim
A Guide from an Immigration Lawyer
By Michelle Dinits
By the time Chani called our office, the wedding was in a few days. She had just arrived to the U.S. from her home country, Panama, to marry her chosson, Ahron. They got in touch with me to find out how to apply for Chani to obtain a green card, because they intended to live in the U.S. long term after the wedding.
“But we don’t want to start the process until after the summer,” she said, “because we are spending the summer in Panama to work at a camp my family runs.” My antennae went up. I began to dig deeper: what visa are you on now? What visa did you plan to use to reenter? And importantly: your chuppah and party are planned, but will you be getting legally married that day as well?
International shidduchim are on the rise. In our increasingly interconnected world, daters know that their bashert may be in Canada, Mexico, Israel, or Argentina. People are realizing they don’t have to limit their pool of potential mates to those who happen to be born in the same place as them. In a time when people often have a few Zoom dates before they travel to go out in person anyway, they might as well be open to flying to Montreal or London if they are willing to go to LA. When people move to a different country to get married, it’s easier than ever to keep in touch with family back home, with FaceTime and WhatsApp and cheap flights to many places.
While it may be easier than ever to date across borders, such unions come with legal considerations. They can require a bit more planning, especially considering the short engagement periods many couples in our community have.
As an immigration lawyer, I assist couples in navigating the complexities of marrying someone from a different country. Here are some key aspects to keep in mind:
Assess Your Personal Circumstances and Intentions
The first questions you and your fiancé need to ask yourselves are:
• Where will we live? Do we plan to stay in the U.S. long term? Are we going to live abroad for now but return to the U.S. eventually? Do we want to apply for a green card for my foreign fiancé?
• Is my fiancé already living in the U.S. on a temporary visa? Does she/he have legal immigration status currently?
Waiting for a fiancé visa may not be the best option if you are trying to get married within a short time frame. If your fiancé is already in the U.S., for example on a student or work visa, you may want to think about timing the wedding to ensure he/she is maintaining their legal status here. If your fiancé came into the U.S. on a visitor
In a time when people often have a few Zoom dates before they travel to go out in person anyway, they might as well be open to flying to Montreal or London if they are willing to go to LA.
• Is he still living in his home country and need to come to the U.S. for the wedding?
Timing is Crucial
Timing is crucial when planning a wedding with someone from another country.
If your fiancé is abroad, you may consider a fiancé visa, for which processing times can vary enormously by location.
visa to date and has been here since, getting married too quickly could raise flags once the person applies for the green card, because someone with a visitor visa was supposed to have non-immigrant intentions when entering.
Plan Carefully for Any International Travel International marriages can often in-
volve celebrations in two countries. Of course the other family wants to make a party and celebrate with their friends, too! But what happens if they marry in the U.S. and want to go to the fiancé’s home country after? Or what if they decide to spend time in Israel before settling in the U.S.? If the new spouse tries to reenter on a visitor visa after the marriage, she could end up with problems at the border. If border officers suspect a person has married a U.S. citizen and has the intent to stay, they may investigate further by checking one’s phone or social media. Border patrol officers have the discretion to deny entry to anyone they suspect of being dishonest about their intentions. What happens when your husband is denied entry, but you need to go back to work? No newly married couple wants to be separated by an ocean in the first months of their marriage!
In the end, Chani and Ahron had a beautiful chuppah and hopped on a plane back to Panama for sheva brachos and summer camp, as they had planned. She is relieved she called us, so we could plan before she lands back at JFK as a married woman. If you think you are on the path to engagement to someone from another country, it’s time to get legal advice from an immigration attorney. Each situation is unique and it’s important to get guidance tailored to your specific circumstances. But don’t stress – you found your bashert! Mazal tov!
Michelle Dinits is the founding attorney of Dinits Immigration Law, focusing exclusively on U.S. immigration and serving clients in all 50 states and around the world. She assists couples and families with family-based petitions and individuals and businesses with employment immigration. She lives in Woodmere, NY, and she and her husband enjoy taking their four children on adventures around the world. She can be reached by email at Mdinits@dinitslaw. com or by phone at (516) 208-2060.
How To Solve The Shidduch Crisis Voices of Greater Washington
By Channah Cohen
In 2019, the OU’s Center for Communal Research embarked on a landmark study of the “shidduch crisis”-- the communally acknowledged phenomenon in which single, Orthodox men and women struggle to get married Our study analyzes data from an astounding 2,300 single men and women who answered a detailed survey about their experiences dating-- and, unlike any other study before or since, we conducted detailed interviews of not only 50 single men and women, but also of the other significant “players” in the shidduch system; shadchanim, Rabbis, Rebbetzins, and community leaders.
Putting the pieces together, the study offers a unique picture of exactly what is amiss in the current “shidduch system”. All told, the study points to five areas that would need to be improved for there to be marked societal change as relates to the “shidduch crisis”. The five social shifts that are needed to “solve the crisis” are detailed below.
1. Increase Access to Potential Dates & Ownership Over the Dating Process
Current Reality: Single, Orthodox Jews feel the “shidduch system” requires them to rely on third parties to think of and suggest matches, even though those third parties (whether matchmakers, websites, rabbis, or friends) have no accountability to the single men and women. Single people have little faith in, and are intensely unhappy with, the current routes by which they can access other matches, such as websites and matchmakers.
Needed Solution: Create ways in which single people can access one another without the need to rely on third-parties.
Ideas from the Research: Some interviewees advocated for the proliferation of informal, organic meeting places for single people. Some suggested shul events geared towards single people. Still others recommended the use of technology to allow for more direct access to one another,
without the need for “intermediaries”.
2. Increase Belonging & Contribution Within the Larger Community
Current Reality: By and large, single men and women suffer while they are single. They feel that they do not have a place to belong within their communities. Although often professionally or academically successful, they feel marginalized and disenfranchised from their Orthodox communities. They desire a change to how singlehood is perceived, and how single people are treated, within Orthodox communities.
Solution: Find ways to allow for the contribution and belonging of single people as valued members of the community, especially in shuls and communal institutions.
Ideas from the Research: Single people spoke about wanting community members to speak welcomingly to them and invite them to meals, having their shuls host singles events, and having community leaders more involved in their dating lives.
3. Create Opportunities for Education and Mentorship
Current Reality: Single men and women are missing critical relationships with mentors during a time of life that is filled with decisions that directly impact their life trajectories. They also report missing relevant education about relationships and other issues directly applicable to their dating lives and daily experiences.
Solution: Provide both mentorship and relevant education regarding this stage in life.
Ideas from the Research: Participants wanted mentors, or dating coaches who provide services at affordable costs. They asked for workshops from their shuls and community institutions about dating, marriage, and personal development.
4. Improve the Current Matchmaking System
Current Reality: By and large, single men and women dislike using matchmakers. They tend to feel that matchmakers’ advice is demeaning or offensive, and that the suggestions are off-base or insulting. For their part, matchmakers are genuinely trying to help single men and women find a spouse, and feel that their guidance is needed. They feel unfairly compensated for their time and that there are unreasonable demands made on them by the community.
Solution: Find a way in which matchmakers can become respected and effective forces for good in the community, enabling better and healthier relationships while being fairly compensated.
Ideas from the Research: Single men and women suggested the creation of platforms that train matchmakers to be dating coaches, certification and/or ethical oversight boards for matchmakers, and rules that dictate the standards for interaction between single men and women and shadchanim.
5. Improve the Socialization of Young Men
Current Reality: Our study implies that there are fewer men in the Orthodox dating market than women. While the “Age Gap Theory” has historically been used to explain this phenomenon, recent research has called into question the assertion that demographic realities cause the imbalanced ratio of women to men in the Orthodox dating scene. Our study indicates that while women join Orthodoxy at higher rates than men (as ba’alei teshuva), men drop out of Orthodoxy at higher rates than women, which would explain the oft-heard claim that “there aren’t enough men”. Additionally, men do not possess the social status nor religious sentiments desired by women, thus the claim that “there aren’t enough good men”.
Solution: Pinpoint the reasons behind male attrition and social
misalignment, and work instead to create, nurture, and foster the growth of young men and realistic expectations among young women.
Ideas from the Research: Participants felt that both men and women were held to unrealistically high standards. They suggested training and educational programs around topics such as menschlichkeit, dating etiquette, and financial responsibility, especially for men.
In summary, the CCR’s study points to five approaches to change in our community that have the potential to drastically improve the “shidduch system” for single men and women:
1. develop direct access for single men and women to one another
2. create spaces in the community for single people to belong and contribute
3. provide the mentors and educators needed for self and relational development
4. improve the matchmaking system as much as possible and
5. work to counter attrition and imbalance by supporting the development of young men.
Detailed proposals that attempt to address any of these issues deserve serious communal attention, as the stakes of doing nothing are high; the loss of potential marriages, years of marriage, and children; the loss of passionate input and contribution of all communal members; and the loss of peaceful collaboration between all ages, stages, and lifestyles of Jewish brethren.
Channah Cohen works for JLIC’s Yavneh Young Professionals. Previous to this, she worked for the Center for Communal Research as the applied researcher on their large-scale mixed-methods research study on the “Shidduch Crisis”. She lives in Silver Spring, MD with her husband and children.
Mental Health Corner
The Termination Phase
By Rabbi Azriel Hauptman
The therapeutic relationship is the cornerstone of successful therapy. Unlike conventional relationships, if all goes well the relationship comes to an
end. The relationship only existed because the client was unable to manage his or her emotional life independently. Once the client is able to achieve
emotional independence, it is time to transition into the termination phase.
Imagine if one was training to be an airplane pilot. At first, your trainer manages the controls with you. Then, the trainer observes you to make sure that you are applying what you learned. Finally, you get to fly solo with no one else in the cockpit. This is the goal of therapy. You should be able to manage and navigate your life independently.
However, successfully navigating the termination phase of therapy is not as simple as it sounds and requires a lot of skill and wisdom on the part of the therapist. This is a vast and complicated subject, so in this article we will focus on the main goals that need to be met as one transitions out of therapy.
Preparation: Well before the termination phase, the therapist should be preparing the client for the eventual transition. This includes discussing what the end of the process will look like and educating the client as to the milestones that will hopefully be achieved before therapy concludes. The client’s understanding of the arc of therapy and that therapy has a beginning and an end will help the client see where they are holding in the therapeutic process.
The Therapeutic Relationship:
Ending therapy is not simply the end of a service. The therapist and the client have shared a very private space together and discussed issues that are extremely personal and sensitive. Thus, ending therapy is the end of a relationship that might come with a deep sense of loss. This must be explored and processed in advance of termination.
Client Reflection: Clients will feel better prepared for life after therapy if they truly internalize all that they have gained in therapy. Therefore, helping the client to reflect on
the changes that have occurred as a result of therapy solidifies those gains and helps the client move forward.
Therapist Reflection: Expressing pride in the accomplishments of the client and discussing with the client the therapist’s own feelings about their relationship can be a vital component of moving forward when done skillfully.
Preparing for the Ups and Downs: Leaving therapy does not mean that life will proceed uneventfully. There will undoubtedly be ups and downs and even a full-blown relapse is a possibility. The therapist and the client must process the risks involved in “flying solo” and that the client might just find that he or she has the skills to navigate the potholes independently. However, leave the door open for a possible return to therapy if necessary.
Unfinished Business: Personal growth is a process that is never ending. Part of the termination phase is realizing that growth will continue beyond therapy. The skills and insights that are endowed by therapy will be building blocks that will lead to continuous gains in the journey of life.
The termination phase may be the most important part of therapy as it solidifies the gains made during therapy and prepares the client for life after therapy. A successful termination has the potential to be the difference between successful therapy and therapy that did not have long-term sustainability. As the Gemara (Berachos 12a) states, “The general principle is that everything follows the conclusion.”
This
lief
School of Thought
By Etti Siegel
Q:
Dear Etti, My lower elementary school-age child seems clumsier than my other children. We all are klutzes at some point, but I have been noticing that family members are always calling him out as he bumps into things. I am worried about school and his social life.
Any ideas?
-Worried Mom
A:Dear Worried Mom, It can be hard to watch a child who doesn’t seem to have a great sense of spatiality.
Some children naturally develop motor skills at a different pace, but when a child is significantly more uncoordinated than their peers, it is time to investigate.
In preschool it becomes obvious when children have trouble making the hand gestures for songs like “The Wheels on the Bus” and other circle-time songs. They have trouble holding crayons or a paintbrush. As they grow older, it can show up in social circles and learning time.
Children who frequently drop things, struggle with buttons, or avoid physical activities may have Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD), also known as dyspraxia. (Until it was studied, this was called clumsy child syndrome.)
DCD is not a problem with muscle strength; rather, it’s a disconnect between the brain and the body, making it hard for a child to execute movements smoothly.
Occupational therapist Lindsey Biel, MA, OTR/L, explains that “everything works – they just can’t pull it together.” Some children struggle with fine motor skills like handwriting or using utensils, while others have difficulty with gross motor skills, such as catching a ball or riding a bike.
Dr. Matthew Cruger, a senior neuropsychologist at the Child Mind Institute, emphasizes that DCD only becomes a concern when it significantly interferes with daily tasks like dressing, grooming, playing, or schoolwork. Children with this condition may struggle with motor planning, meaning they have difficulty learning and repeating movements efficiently. This can make everyday tasks, such as tying shoes, feel overwhelming.
The good news is that with occupational therapy, children with DCD can improve their coordination
through structured practice. Biel highlights that while a typically developing child might learn a new motor skill quickly, children with DCD need significantly more practice, sometimes with hand-overhand assistance or visual cues. With support and patience, they can develop their skills over time.
It’s also important to recognize that every child has strengths. Biel shares an inspiring example of a child who struggled to ride a bike but became an excellent dancer. Some children may never master certain tasks, and that’s okay! Practical solutions, like using Velcro shoes instead of tying laces, can help reduce frustration.
Praise their persistence and creativity as they figure out how to overcome challenging situations.
Dr. Cruger encourages parents and educators to take more time to teach skills in a structured way, rather than assuming children will pick them up naturally. This not only helps children with DCD but also boosts their confidence and reduces the risk of social isolation.
Your child may or may not have DCD. But if he is clumsy, you can help!
The ways you can help your child include having more fun time together. Encourage all your children, not just your struggling child, to build with blocks of all kinds, knead playdough, thread beads or popcorn, do puzzles, and play with many other toys and activities that increase coordination. Play Simon Says, hopscotch, and encourage chalk drawing. Bake challah and cookies! When it is done as a family, motivation trumps frustration, especially when you are all having fun!
If you can sign your child up for swimming, dance, or martial arts, these are very positive places for a child to become more aware of their body without the com-
petition that might lead to bullying from peers.
Practice an activity with your child and do hand-over-hand guidance so they have your hands doing the activity on top of their hands while they do the activity the first time.
Remember not to rush your child or show impatience. And definitely don’t swoop in to “do it correctly.” Celebrate effort instead of the end result, and watch the end result improve.
Offer Velcro shoes, pencil grips (they have such cute ones available now!), and adaptive scissors to make life easier for your child when you can, without making your child too different.
Most importantly, be your child’s biggest supporter. Focus on what they CAN do, not just what they struggle with. Praise their persistence and creativity as they figure out how to overcome challenging situations. Help them see that they are capable and unique, just like every other child.
Your child’s challenges are real, but with patience, encouragement, and possibly the support of an occupational therapist, they can build on their strengths and develop the skills they need.
If you’d like to explore this further, consulting with a professional, such as an occupational therapist or a pediatrician, could help you determine the best support for your child.
You’re doing the right thing by seeking guidance, and your support will make all the difference in helping him thrive!
Hatzlacha, - Etti
Mrs. Etti Siegel holds an MS in Teaching and Learning/Educational Leadership and brings sound teaching advice to her audiences culled from her over 35 years of teaching and administrative experience. She is an Adjunct at the College of Mount Saint Vincent/Sara Shenirer. She is a coach and educational consultant for Catapult Learning, is a sought-after mentor and workshop presenter around the country, and a popular presenter for Sayan (a teacher-mentoring program), Hidden Sparks, and the Consortium of Jewish Day Schools. She is a frequent contributor to Hamechanech Magazine and The Journal for Jewish Day School leaders. She will be answering your education-based questions and writing articles weekly for The Jewish Home. Mrs. Siegel can be reached at ettisiegel@gmail.com.
Health & F tness
Hugging Your Teenager
By Hylton I. Lightman, MD, DCH (SA), FAAP
Here’s a loaded question: when’s the last time you hugged your tween or teenager?
It’s easy to hug babies. To a newborn, a parent’s love may be as important as food. They want to be hugged from the first moment of life. They’re cute and so vulnerable that you have to restrain yourself not to hug them. A parent’s affectionate touch has a long arm, from boosting a newborn’s healthy development to shaping the child’s brain later on.
A study published in the August 2016 issue of Cerebral Cortex demonstrated that school-age children who were touched often by their mothers have greater brain activity across the part of the brain controlling social behavior. In other words, it affects things so a person treats a peer differently than a rock.
Affectionate, loving parental touch matters. It matters in many ways, especially with boosting children’s brain development.
Let’s now focus on tweens and teens.
Sometime between the ages of 9 and 13, a child (we know they hate to be called by that word) begins the journey called “adolescence.” It’s an important journey because it transitions one from childhood into adulthood. It isn’t easy, either for them or for us parents.
During this time, young people reject what they deem are childish ways,
interests and likes, in order to act more grown up. One of the possible “casualties” along the way is electing to give up the expressing and the accepting of physical affection with parents. Sometimes, they might just be expressing. Other times, it might be just the accepting. And at other times, it might be both. The child does this to show they no longer want to be treated and defined as a child.
When the adolescent-in-process gives up the accepting and/or expressing of physical affection with a parent, he can create a loss that he may never quite get over – the letting go of a powerful non-verbal intimacy with parents. You may find this child to be more standoffish and physically unresponsive, shying away from the old contact because he now believes it is inappropriate, embarrassing and even diminishing the status he is seeking.
Between you and me, you can tell when your child – oops, I mean young adult-in-the-making – misses the parental touch. Watch what happens when they see Mom or Dad cuddling a much younger child. There are comments like, “Why don’t you stop hugging on her?” Or, “You’re going to spoil him!” Don’t be surprised when a little while later, the teenager engages in some age teasing of the much younger sibling . That same
teenager could possibly come in the kitchen late at night and want to dance with you. My advice: grab the opportunity and dance the night away.
Why does he behave this way? Because although he gave up the physical affection, it’s still painful to witness it. In reality, he misses it. But woe to the parent who would dare verbalize this. Growing up requires giving up, and ceasing physical affection with parents can create a hard loss.
So what’s a parent to do?
First, remember your own adolescence. Even if it’s scores of years behind you now, it’s pretty hard to forget such a confusing time. You did the same thing. Promise.
It’s important to remember that the adolescent who is making mincemeat from your kishkes and is taking your heart and dribbling it like a basketball without a care in the world is the same adorable child whom you loved to pieces not so long ago. This is hard. You still love him. But he knows how to make it difficult for you to love him.
There are lesser forms of physical affection. Pat your teenager on the back. Give them a side hug. “Little” acts of physical affection are ways of staying connected when your child erects that Berlin Wall of refusal of seeking the exact primal touch that he craves. If you
can keep some level of physical contact in place, then as your teenager grows older and becomes more confident in growing older, the acceptance, expression and reciprocation of physical affection can once again open up. Don’t underestimate verbal contact between you and your adolescent. Using words to convey sensitivity, empathy, support, interest, attention, approval, and appreciation can all communicate the emotional warmth that physical affection so efficiently conveys. The power of a friendly smile to warm a beleaguered teenager’s heavy heart, as well as laughing with each other and making time to have fun together, is immeasurable. Dance briefly with your adolescent(s) around the kitchen. They always come back for more.
Adolescent boys more than girls are particularly susceptible to giving up physical affection from parents. Physical affection can make them feel childish. It can also make your son feel unmanly as he might think that to be a man means jettisoning his “childish” need for parental touch. The best response for parents in such a situation? Back off to respect the more physically aloof definition he is after.
Fortunately, there are teenagers, males included, who keep the door to physical affection with parents open all through their growing up. They some -
how understand that forsaking this primal connection is not some adolescent obligation – nor do they treat it as a necessary loss. However, this is the exception and not the rule. Most others intermittently grant their parents a loving touch, or hug, or kiss or allow themselves to receive such from their parents. Mood and circumstances are usually the mitigating factors here. For example, your adolescent might give out more “physically available” vibes during family simchas. It will almost never happen in the presence of friends. Promise on that one.
Let’s say a parent reads this article and then commits the faux pas of trying to express physical affection to their adolescent. Oh no. What happens?
Intercept them as they traipsing out the door. Another hug when they come home from school and then another at bedtime. That’s four hugs to reach the “survival rate.”
These moments of physical connection should ideally be coupled with emotional components as well. It shouldn’t be a hug alone but start with, “How did you sleep?” “How was math class today?” Focus on the moment.
You can discover different ways to hug your teenager. Find little excuses to kiss them, like kissing them on the top of the head or holding hands at the Shabbos table. Dance together while singing Shalom Aleichem. Rotate sitting next to each teen, using the opportunity to put your arm around one individually. If you
The power of a friendly smile to warm a beleaguered teenager’s heavy heart, as well as laughing with each other and making time to have fun together, is immeasurable.
The parent might strike gold, and the child accepts it. A great day for all.
In all likelihood, the adolescent will make it clear that he believes his parent has a case of the “koodies.” It’s painful, Mom and Dad, but he’s not rejecting you. Just reframe it as the time or circumstance or mood wasn’t right. Try again. But not right away.
I sincerely hope that “I love you” and “I’m proud of you” are two phrases that are part of every parent’s lexicon. You can never say them too often. They are powerful words that can carry your adolescent through a lot.
Part of parenting is understanding that when our children are little, we need to be physically connected to them as much as possible. When they get older, it’s not that we parents physically disconnect from them. Rather, it’s about finding new, creative ways of connecting with them.
I read somewhere a long time ago that a child needs four hugs daily for survival, eight for maintenance, and twelve for growth. How do you give your teenager twelve hugs a day?
Start each day with hugging your children, teenagers included. Who care if all parties are grumpy? Then hug your children before they leave for school.
grew up in a home where physical affection wasn’t common, this may be difficult for you, so start slow. It can even be a small gesture, like putting a hand on a child’s arm or caressing his cheek. Many boys dislike making eye contact so talk to your son while driving. He’s captive, and you’re in control. Imagine here the emoji for “wink.”
Although some teens, especially girls, will be physically affectionate with friends, it doesn’t make up for a lack of physical affection from their parents. Parental touch is both safe and irreplaceable. If teenagers don’t get the parental touch, they may go looking for love in all the wrong places.
Adolescents are not necessarily easy nor is it always easy to love them. Feeling awkward, adolescents will push away parents. Yet in reality, adolescents feel vulnerable. It’s a time when they need their parents’ affection the most. As always, daven.
Dr. Hylton I. Lightman is a pediatrician and Medical Director of Total Family Care of the 5 Towns and Rockaway PC. He can be reached at drlightman@totalfamilycaremd.com, on Instagram at Dr.Lightman_ or visit him on Facebook.
Kayla, 3 Avigail Hollander, 5
Note:
Eliana Gabay
Gili Jakobi, 7
Miriam, 4
Chaya Swiatycki, 5
Eliana Reich, 6
Leah Kravitz
Yitzy Delrahim, 9 UN Fuentes, 7
Eliam Hakimi, 4
Zevy Seidel, 4
Note: Not all submission have been published. Keep sending in your artwork for another chance to be featured!
Eliezer, 10
Leah Seidel, 6
Tehila Moradian, 6
Yosef Meir Ungar
Tehilla, Rivka, Ari Rosenbaum, 8
Tehilla Hammelburger, 10
Ashira Temin, 8
Levi L., 4
Chaya K., 12
Avigail, 8
Penina Winchell, 6
Rikki Hollander, 8
Yonatan K., 5
Ruchama Lipsky, 6 Chaim F., 5
Avigail K., 6
Tova Shaps, 4
Yosef Gertel, 6
Avraham Sharp, 6
Akiva & Chana Laghaei Noa S., 6
Shoshana Winchell, 4
Rikki Brody, 8
Dovid Finkel, 6
Dassi F., 8
In The K tchen
Challah Kugel
Yield: 9×13-inch pan
By Naomi Nachman
I recently had Raizy Fried on my show Sunny Side Up on Kosher.com, and she made her famous Challah Kugel. It is a great way to use leftover challah, but if you don’t have leftover challah, it’s worth buying a bakery challah to try it!
Ingredients
◦ 1 large heimishe challah
◦ 5 eggs
◦ 1 cup oil
◦ 1 cup sugar
◦ 2 tablespoons vanilla sugar
◦ 1 teaspoon cinnamon
◦ 4 Granny Smith green apples, peeled and finely sliced
◦ Sugar, for sprinkling
◦ Cooking spray
Preparation
1. Preheat oven to 350°F.
2. Soak the challah in water and squeeze it out. Use only the soft part of the challah; discard the crust.
3. In a large bowl, mash the challah. Using an electric mixer, mix the mashed challah with the rest of the ingredients.
4. Place the mixture in a lined or greased 9×13-inch pan. Sprinkle some sugar on top.
5. Bake at 350°F for one hour and 45 minutes.
6. Best served warm.
Naomi Nachman, the owner of The Aussie Gourmet, caters weekly and Shabbat/ Yom Tov meals for families and individuals within The Five Towns and neighboring communities, with a specialty in Pesach catering. Naomi is a contributing editor to this paper and also produces and hosts her own weekly radio show on the Nachum Segal Network stream called “A Table for Two with Naomi Nachman.” Naomi gives cooking presentations for organizations and private groups throughout the New York/New Jersey Metropolitan area. In addition, Naomi has been a guest host on the QVC TV network and has been featured in cookbooks, magazines as well as other media covering topics related to cuisine preparation and personal chefs. To obtain additional recipes, join The Aussie Gourmet on Facebook or visit Naomi’s blog. Naomi can be reached through her website, www.theaussiegourmet.com or at (516) 295-9669.
