Life Coach

Life c ach Highlights and Insights

by rivki D. rosenwald esq., LMFt, cLc, SDS

At some point during the Ma Nishtana, the cuteness level goes up 100 %! This is due to the originality of the words that the youngest children create. Oh, the tune stays perfectly familiar, it doesn’t miss a melodic beat, but the words are hysterical beyond recognition.

And yet, the credibility of the questions is not marred even one bit because of the obvious sincerity in the delivery.

The erect stance on the chair, along with the booming confidence of the accuracy of their words, makes you almost believe the jumbled sounds have some meaning.

Now, of course, that’s only the Ma Nishtana delivery made by the first of the “4 Seder sons” (or daughters). Let’s call him the “secure son.”

What about the “shy son” (or daughter)? He’s still trying to get up the courage to stand up! And you kind of spend the whole rest of Pesach trying to prove to the whole family that he/she knows the Ma Nishtana perfectly. After all, he/ she came home and did it flawlessly when they first learned it.

And how about the “semi-shy son”? Oh, those start off with their heads meekly buried under their armpits. But suddenly, they do really well when standing up with cousins. All at once, they are blurting out their words as loud as the kid next to them.

The funniest ones, though, are the “quiet singing sons.” They know it perfectly. Even at age 2. Yet they are singing it way too softly for anyone to hear! But it gets even worse. The moms and dads, for ages past and to come, take the same route to solve the problem. They sing along ever so quietly under their breath to help their child sing out loud better. Which consistently and for centuries backfires. Of course! Because their children then sing even softer in order to emulate their mentors.

So that is the true Passover saga of the “four sons.”

And the eight frustrated parents behind them. Sound familiar?!

Then there is that other Pesach medley, that everyone knows, and everyone is sick of, but every kid and parent sing anyway. Because it gives parents the delicious nachas of hearing their kid know every single, meaningful word. For everyone’s benefit, though, I won’t review the familiar and overheard ditty; suffice it to say, just don’t make Pharaoh’s bed in the

Where it gets rough is when you go to someone who does it differently than your family. For instance, the new inlaws. It just feels “wrong” somehow. The beat, the cadence, the flow – we just don’t feel it’s a Seder unless it’s our old familiar way! Those are the times one is happiest to be married to a baal teshuva. It’s easy shmeazy because your traditions become theirs.

The beat, the cadence, the flow – we just don’t feel it’s a Seder unless it’s our old familiar way!

morning if you can avoid it, or these will be jumping here, there and everywhere!

We follow the fun beginning with the Haggadah reading and the singing that ensues – and every family has their own style. Some race through the words and stop for the familiar songs, while others converse and discuss each and every section. Of course, there are those who pick and choose what to exclude all the way through. Yet, it’s all fine as long as you’re reliving the experience somehow.

After all that, there’s the eating ceremonies. Dip, and wash, and chew, and chew, and chew. Matzah is just not a glide-down-easily food! There’s a variety of traditional food items we eat in varied layouts, and we get pretty full.

Nevertheless…after that….

We try to make a delicious meal for the first night of the holiday! After all, our whole family is together for the first time in a long time. The problem is that by the time we get to the meal, half the crowd is either bloated by a combination of shmura matzah expanded by salt water and potatoes or fast asleep on the couch because they did their “leaning” so well.

Although there is good news: somehow, people are completely revived by the aroma of something other than bitter herbs being served. And the meal gets consumed.

While this is going on, it’s still not that relaxing because all the while there are little people scurrying about, under foot, under table, and even, to your dismay, opening sealed up cupboards. But the search must go on. Because to end the meal, you must chew, chew, and chew again the afikomen matzah!

We then continue with praise of G-d for all of this. But things are still not done…

The door gets opened for a guest – thankfully, an invisible one! No pressure there. After all, you’ve just cleaned up and put everything away.

Now, the real measure of a truly dedicated family is those who make it to the last part of the Seder….

After all, you’re full, you’re tired, you’re drunk.

Still, we sing, we get pumped. We get wild. We dance, and we celebrate!

There is no stopping us…. We will be doing this next year and the year after that – although we’ll be in a different country while we chew, chew, chew.

But that is the true measure and message of the night. We can and will survive and thrive through anything.

Rivki Rosenwald is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist working with both couples and individuals and is a certified relationship counselor. Rivki is a co-founder and creator of an effective Parent Management of Adolescent Years Program. She can be contacted at 917705-2004 or at rivkirosenwald@gmail.com.