Parenting Pearls

Parenting Pearls End-of-the-Year Reflections

by Sara rayvych, MSed

Shavuos marks our arrival at the culmination of the school year. Students enjoy these last weeks of school while they gear up for the beginning of summer. There’s a lot to do to wind down the year and prepare for the warm weather fun. For teachers, the end of the school year and summer are busy. There is a ton of work to do closing the previous year and preparing for the next. Parents often can’t appreciate how much educators do behind the scenes to ensure your child gets the very best each day.

Before tossing aside that knapsack and checking it for any snacks or lunches forgotten since Pesach, parents, too, may want to take a look back on the year and reflect. A lot happens during a school year, and it’s easy to neglect it once it’s done. A school year is its own era and represents a significant portion of a child’s lifetime.

Appreciate Accomplishments

During the school year there is so much to do, and it quickly gets overwhelming. It’s easy to lose sight of all that our children have accomplished. Especially when children face challenges, we can too readily forget to notice where they’ve succeeded. The end of the year is the perfect time to look back and appreciate all your child has accomplished.

At one point, I was getting frustrated with my child’s level in certain subjects. I tried to stop what was becoming unhelpful negative feelings and think back to where this child was when the year began. Upon greater reflection, I was able to realize that this child had made great strides in kriyah, reading and math. Even if this cutie wasn’t where I had hoped now, it would be a shame to ignore how much was accomplished already.

It doesn’t matter what level your child is at now; they’ve made progress somewhere since the school year began. Even if they had difficulties in one area, they’ve still improved in another area. Find the bracha and try to appreciate it. A school year can feel like a very long time, but that time is meaningful when you can look back and see how they’ve blossomed.

Value All Growth

It’s important to remember that there is more than just academics. As important as “book” education is, there is so much more our children learn and need to develop to become functioning adults. It’s easy to focus on just what can be taught from a textbook or tested on a multiple choice exam, but the most important life lessons are those that are not covered in the standard curriculum.

Developmental milestones are often underappreciated until they’re not met. They’re often taken for granted, but each one is crucial for our youngsters as they grow and mature. There are many different milestones children have to reach throughout their life. For example, as children grow, they give their first beautiful smile, cut their first teeth and take those first exciting walking steps. They need to learn gross motor skills, such as learning to walk or jump, along with fine motor skills, such as cutting with scissors or writing with a pencil. If your child started the school year unable to properly hold a pencil but now has moved onto penmanship, you certainly have seen tremendous progress.

As babies go through their first year of life, they start to interact with others. They want to see you smile and laugh at them. Toddlers begin to notice each other and sometimes even communicate. During the school years, they develop further in their ability to speak to each other and create a connection. A child who starts the school year unable to effectively convey their feelings may now be able to use words to express emotions such as “angry” or “frustrated.”

Last, but perhaps most important, we have middos. It’s far easier to memorize the periodic table than it is to improve a single middah. In many ways, a person’s middos define who they are. Without proper middos, a person is unable to function in society. Additionally, looking and dressing as a frum Jew but not acting like one does not make a kiddush Hashem. A child who starts off the year with chutzpah but starts speaking with derech eretz has certainly made tremendous strides.

Acknowledge the Progress

Acknowledge the progress your child has made but don’t feel the need to keep

it to yourself. Take some time to sensitively share with your child what you’ve seen. If they improved in Chumash, then let them know; they may not have realized themselves how much they’ve grown.

You should be proud of their accomplishments – why not let them also know how much nachas you’ve received? They may underestimate their own success but appreciate it better once they see you’ve noticed it, as well.

It’s important to be careful how you phrase things; you don’t want to focus on the prior negative experiences but simply focus on the positives. Saying, “Wow, look how much you’ve changed from that chutzpah-filled child of September’’ will not necessarily improve things. Rather, we want to stay with the positive and stress their improvement: “Rebbi was telling me how b’kavodik you speak in class.”

Let’s not forget that all bracha we see in life comes from one Source. Taking a few moments to thank Hashem and daven for continued improvements certainly can’t hurt. Ultimately, it all comes from Him, and we, too, should acknowledge that gift.

Potential for Improvement

None of us are perfect, and we all have areas that we find challenging. After a thorough review of our child’s year, we very well may find places that can use improvement. Now is the time to take note of this and create goals for the next year.

The end of the year is the perfect time to look back and appreciate all your child has accomplished.

It’s tempting to ignore it until Elul comes around but that may not be the best option. We certainly don’t want to turn summer into school – kids need a break, too – but taking advantage of this time can be very wise.

Your child’s current teacher has already had months to get to know your child; next year’s teacher will be starting fresh followed by the Yomim Noraim. Waiting until the new year could mean the issue won’t be properly addressed until well into the school year. Their current teacher should be the best resource and current expert on your child’s performance in the classroom. There are many options available and

now is the optimum time to avail yourself of them.

Many children regress over the summer. Some children are more prone than others to this decline. For some children, this backslide is modest and they bounce back quickly, while for other children, it can be more drastic and complicated when they slip back into their desk the following year. You know your child: if you suspect they will experience a more severe fallback, then that is another topic to look into now. For example, I have a child who forgets math very quickly. I try to periodically give a brief review sheet on previous topics to keep it fresh in his/ her mind. Even a math problem or two can be enough to prevent that inevitable forgetfulness. Often, the solution isn’t complicated, and it just takes a little awareness to make next year run that much smoother.

Mazal tov to all the students, parents and teachers upon the completion of another school year. A lot goes into a child’s education and the nachas seen at the end is what makes everything worthwhile. Shep nachas and daven for continued bracha!

Sara Rayvych, MSEd, has her master’s in general and special education. She has been homeschooling for over 10 years in Far Rockaway. She can be contacted at RayvychHomeschool@gmail.com.