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AN INDEPENDENT VOICE FOR THE LESBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, AND TRANSGENDER COMMUNIJune 24, 2016 Volume XIV, Issue 4
Baltimore Stands with Orlando
BY BILL REDMOND-PALMER Nearly a thousand people gathered for a community event culminating in a candlelight vigil at the Ynot Lot on Monday, June 13th, 2016. They joined together to remember those killed and injured in, and those affected by the June 12th Pulse nightclub shooting, and to support each other in grappling with the many difficult feelings the tragedy evoked in the LGBT community. The event’s large turnout on short notice – less than two days after the Florida tragedy – was driven primarily through social media. “Aside from the beautiful space we created for healing and unity for our community, another important takeaway was the ease and willingness
of our local LGBT leaders who worked together to create the space,” said Jabari Lyles, president of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Community Center of Baltimore and Central Maryland (GLCCB). “One text message, one e-mail, and one phone call was all it took for over 20 leaders to collaborate on this event.” Many activists shared reflections, inspiration, and poetry during the vigil, including Rev. Merrick Moses of Black Transmen; Jabari Lyles, Kenneth Morrison-Wernsdorfer, and Kevin Holt of the GLCCB; Latino community activist Alfredo Santiago; Monica Stevens and Bryanna Jenkins of the Baltimore Transgender
Candlelight vigil, Ynot Lot, commemorating Pulse killings on the day after, June 13th
Florida massacre jolts community
Social media drive a nearly spontaneous gathering
Alliance; Letoi Robinson of the Center for Black Equity / Baltimore Black Pride; and Saida Agostini of Freestate Legal / Equality Maryland. “There are times like this when words seem insufficient,” said Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake, one of the speakers at the vigil. “Just being here is speaking volumes about who we are as Baltimoreans – that it doesn’t matter what neighborhood you are from, it doesn’t matter what color you are, what god you pray to – that we stand together.” Several other local politicians and candidates lent their support to those gathered, including Green Party mayoral candidate Joshua Harris; Baltimore City Democratic mayoral candidate and State Senator Catherine Pugh; House Delegate Mary Washington; and DeRay McKesson, Black Lives Matter activist and former Baltimore mayoral candidate. Music for the event was provided by the HIV-positive vocal group Positive Voices of Baltimore (Pozvox.org), and hip-hop / soul / funk band J Pope (Jpopeandfunkfriday.com).
The Baltimore City Police Department (BCPD) turned out in full force to support the event, led by BCPD LGBT Liaison, Sgt. Kevin Davis, by blocking off Charles Street to create event overflow space, and by creating a perimeter around the event to provide a sense of security to those attending. BCPD Police Commissioner Kevin Davis, also spoke during the vigil. The event, led by the GLCCB, was coordinated and supported by several community organizations including Freestate Legal / Equality Maryland, and the LGBT Health Resource Center of Chase Brexton Health Services. “Admittedly, it felt great for GLCCB to take the lead on organizing this event,” said Lyles, “as we are dedicated to continuing to prove our worth and efficacy as an LGBT community organization outside of planning Baltimore Pride. We are Baltimore’s LGBT community center; the community should be able to count on us to lead them through difficult times.” The event culminated in a candlelight vigil and a moving reading of all of the names of the 49 victims who lost their lives in the shooting. t
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NEWS // LOCAL director of OutServe-SLDN (Soldiers Legal Defense Network), which works with LGBT members of the U.S. military. The impromptu event was unstructured, adding to its beauty and spontaneity. Community members took turns speaking and BY BILL REDMOND-PALMER singing for two hours through a bullhorn. The tragic events in Orlando, Florida of June Among those sharing their thoughts were ac12th, 2016, evoked many responses around tivists, clergy, as well as Baltimore City Police the world, the country, and in Baltimore, but Commissioner Kevin Davis. th rst orgaizd rspos hr took plac “I hope that the vigil was an outlet, brought that evening at 8 p.m. in the form of a candle- a togetherness for everyone, allowed us to light vigil, in front of Baltimore’s Washington start grieving and processing this unfathomMonument in Mount Vernon. able tragedy that fell upon our community, but The idea for the opportunity to express in particular our Latino family,” said Thorn. “I community members’ immediate response think the more events from vigils to fundraisto the shooting of over a hundred people in ers to actions will help our community begin Pulse nightclub did not come to the event’s to heal and process. That was my ultimate goal. I know that I’m still processing and coming to realization of what Candlelight transpired and I’m sure others are vigil, Mount Vernon Square, feeling the same. I hope that this June 12th vigil gave them the opportunity to be with our chosen family, show our solidarity and start to mourn our 49 lost family members.” Credit for the events success also goes to Sgt. Kevin Bailey, LGBT Liaison for the Baltimore City Police Department, who rallied police support for the gathering on short notice. Police blocked off a portion of the street and directed traf c arod th vt, allowig those gathered to sing and share in safety. instigator, Matt Thorn, until abound 4 p.m. Several other services and vigils have ofHe recruited friends to push the event out frd opportitis for r ctio to th comthrough the power of social media, and by 8 munity in recent days, including services at p.m. over 150 people gathered to share their Memorial Episcopal Church in Bolton Hill, raw and shaken emotions. and at First and St. Stephens United Church “I felt as though our community needed to of Christ. be together that night, that we couldn’t wait to On Monday, June 13th, an ensemble of be together. Even though our emotions were Baltimore Symphony Orchestra musicians from palpable sadness to immeasurable an- presented a program of selections from Bach, ger it was important for me to have a place Mozart, and Telemann in front of the GLCCB for us to be together,” said Thorn, executive and City Cafe to note the tragedy.
Community Events Reflect on Orlando
An upcoming event, a Candlelight Prayer Vigil Procession, will be held on Wednesday, June 29th, at 7 p.m. The silent vigil will begin at the Friends Meeting House (3105 North Charles Street), and will proceed to the Episcopal Cathedral of the Incarnation at Charles St. and University Avenue. St. Matthew Catholic Church and Faith Presbyterian Church are taking the lead in planning the vigil. Faith Communities of Baltimore with Pride said they are urging their members to take part. For more information, contact Ryan Sattler 717-891-6156 or ryansattler@comcast.net. t Bill Redmond-Palmer is the community outreach liaison for Baltimore oUtloUd, and a long time community advocate for HIV/ AIDS, interfaith, and queer related issues. Have a community news story idea? E-mail bredmondpalmer@baltimoreoutloud.com.
Shawnna Alexander to Host Benefit for ASL BY RODNEY BURGER Shawnna Alexander, Baltimore’s “Queen of Comedy,” along with her court of enter-
tainers, will host a benefit show starting at 8 p.m. on July 10th at the Rowan Tree (1633 South Charles Street) in Baltimore with proceeds going to the newly formed Mid-Atlantic Deaf & Interpreter Fund. MAD- IF, which has been officially recognized by Maryland as a non-profit, will work to assist the deaf and hard of LGBT Kevin hearing by Lowery community providing interpreters at events, festivals, and LGBT functions. Founding Director Kevin Lowery explains that the goal of MAD-IF is “to assist the deaf and hearing worlds to become more i d by offrig Amrica Sig Lagag classes, encourage and assist those who ar skig ASL crti catio, ad providig grants for student interpreters.” Those wishing to donate or to request more information may contact Kevin Lowery at dancinghandsasl@gmail.com. t
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NEWS // NATIONAL
Call to End MSM Blood Donation Ban U.S. Senators Tammy Baldwin (D-WI) and Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) on June 20th led a bipartisan group of 24 senators in calling on the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to swiftly move to end the discriminatory blood donation deferral policy for men who have sex with men (MSM). The bipartisan letter was sent in light of the recent mass shooting at Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Florida, and requests an update on FDA’s efforts to implement the updated one year deferral policy and to completely end the blood ban by developing better blood donor deferral policies that are grounded in science, based on individual risk factors, don’t unfairly single out one group of individuals, and allow all healthy Americans to donate. “During times of tragedy, the American people are quick to demonstrate their resiliency and mobilize in solidarity with victims and affected communities. We have witnessed that compassion as Floridians quickly lined up to donate blood for the wounded. Yet, some of those most touched by this tragedy – members of the LGBT community, who are especially eager to contribute to the response effort – are finding themselves turned away. Due to the FDA’s current MSM deferral policy, many healthy gay and bisexual men remain prohibited from donating needed blood,” the senators wrote. “We are steadfastly committed to ending the FDA’s discriminatory policy that prohibits many healthy MSM from donating blood and moving to policies that secure our nation’s blood supply in a scientifically sound manner based on individual risk.” At the end of last year, the FDA released guidance that lifted the lifetime ban on blood donation and implemented a new policy requiring a year of abstinence prior to donating blood. While the Senators express support for this step forward, they maintain that a time-based deferral not based on individual risk remains discriminatory. In December 2014, over 75 members of Congress called on HHS Secretary Burwell to end the outdated and discriminatory ban, and replace it by instituting a risk-based policy. t
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BEYOND THE BELTWAY compiled by Jim Becker
POST ORLANDO ANXIETY
• Dallas Gay church evacuated; package not a bomb Dallas, Texas – Cathedral of Hope, a Dallas LGBT church, was evacuated early Sunday morning, June 19th, when three suspicious suitcases were found in the building. The 9 a.m. service was held under the trees behind the Interfaith Peace Chapel. The Dallas Police Department, including the bomb squad, responded and removed the packages, which we subse-
An unexpected break at Cathedral of Hope
quently deemed harmless. An all-clear was given just before the 11 a.m. service. In a statement, the Dallas Police Department Public Information Office said, “On June 19th, 2016 shortly after 8 a.m., Dallas officers responded to a suspicious package call at the Cathedral of Hope located at 5910 Cedar Springs Road. When officers arrived, they were informed that security personnel, employed by the church, was making his rounds of the outer perimeter when he came across what he believed to be a suspicious package. The package was located near an adjoining construction site on the east side of the church. The church was in service at the time and a decision was made to evacuate the parishioners as a precaution. Officers cordoned off the area and notified the Explosive Ordinance Unit (EOD). Once EOD arrived, they were able to determine that the package did not contain any explosive material.” After the incident, the Cathedral of Hope posted a statement, “[a] special thanks goes out to our Dallas Police De-
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partment and law enforcement that have done everything to ensure the safety of our community and church family.” Earlier the church said upon finding the suspicious package, “[t]his will not deter us from worship this morning and we will continue to not walk in fear or allow instances of hate to overcome the promise to love.” (Dallas Voice – David Taffet at Dallasvoice.com)
•Shots fired outside of Dallas gay bar Dallas, Texas – Dallas police are investigating an incident in which shots were fired near Brick Dallas gay bar last Friday night, June 17th, during the nightclub’s Juneteenth celebration, according to a notice on the bar’s Facebook page posted. There were no injuries or damage reported. “The Brick would like to thank everybody who came out tonight for the Juneteenth celebration. There were some shots rd i th air from a car o Wycliff Strt tonight. Description of the car was given to the police and they are on top off this. Evrythig is at th Brick; thak yo for everyone’s concern.” In a message to Dallas Voice, the bar’s management added, “Just glad no one was affected from this senseless crime. We had armed security [Friday night] and will tonight [Saturday night] as well. We also do wand checks for weapons and bag checks. We do all we can at the door, but we can’t patrol the streets.” Juneteenth, also known as Juneteenth Independence Day or Freedom Day, is a day that commemorates the announcement of the abolition of slavery in Texas in June 1865, and more generally the emancipation
of African-American slaves throughout the Confederate South. It is the oldest known celebration commemorating the ending of slavery in the United States. See: En.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juneteenth and Juneteenth. com/history.htm (Dallas Voice – David Taffet at Dallasvoice.com)
• Armed man arrested on his way to LA Pride Santa Monica, California – As if LGBT folks needed yet another reminder on Sunday, June 12th, the day America learned of the horror that occurred at Pulse nightclub in Orlando, a similar massacre was avoided in Santa Monica, where police found loaded assault rifles, rounds of ammunition, and 25 pounds of explosive chemicals in a white Acura sedan belonging to James Wesley Howell. Howell, a self-described sociopath, said he was on his way to L.A. Pride. Authorities say he also had a Taser, handcuffs, a buck knife, a canister of gasoline, a security badge, and a black hood.
James Wesley Howell
Howell, 20, pleaded not guilty to three felony weapons counts. However, court documents show that he also faces a string of charges from earlier incidents in his home state of Indiana. While there are not many similarities between Omar Mateen, the man who committed the horrific attack in Orlando, and Howell, the fact that they both targeted the LGBT community during Pride month, and that they are two deeply disturbed people suffering from obvious mental health problems, is enough for the LGBT community to feel on edge as many Pride celebrations have yet to take place. Questions about Howell’s sexual orientation and how he dealt with it, are begging for answers. Howell had same-sex relations in his past. In fact, police say that last October, an ex-boyfriend accused Howell of pointing a rifle at him and threatening to pull the trigger – though no arrest was made. Friends say Howell never made any threats toward the LGBT community. However, an ex-boyfriend maintains that Howell wasn’t open about his sexuality. “He didn’t like anybody to know about it,” said Zach Hambrick, 17, who met How-
BEYOND THE BELTWAY ell on a dating app. Their relationship allegedly ended quickly and the two haven’t spoken in months. Hambrick said Howell acted violent toward him when the relationship wasn’t going well and admitted that he wasn’t surprised about Howell’s arrest in Santa Monica. (Seattle Gay News – Shaun Knittel at Sgn.org)
North Carolina boycott hurts some LGBT groups Charlotte, N.C. – Ever since the North Carolina General Assembly passed anti-LGBT House Bill 2, the state has been hit with a series of boycotts and cancellations. Businesses like PayPal and Deutsche Bank have nixed plans to expand here, costing hundreds of jobs, and entertainers and event organizers continue to cancel shows, with acts such as Bruce Springsteen, Pearl Jam and Cirque du Soleil saying no thanks to the now-tainted Tar Heel State. The purpose of the boycott is to send a message to North Carolina leaders that discrimination will not be tolerated. While well intentioned, that boycott looks to be doing some harm along with the good. The Charlotte LGBT college non-profit organization Campus Pride is beginning to feel the pinch of individuals choosing to steer clear of North Carolina. Executive Director Shane Windmeyer reports that they have had numerous cancellations for their upcoming Camp Pride event, an LGBT leadership academy for undergraduate students, as well as college faculty members. Windmeyer says, “[t]he last two years we’ve had about 95 to 100 students attend, and then we have about 40 advisors or staff who attend as part of the advisor academy. Right now, we’re down by about 40 individuals, and that’s roughly $25,000 to $30,000 in revenue.” Windmeyer says he understands the boycotts and cancelations but notes the unintended consequences, “Some activists, young people, they’re [saying], ‘I’m an activist, and as an activist I am boycotting the state of North Carolina.’ I get that, but the problem is that there are LGBT young people in the state of North Carolina who need visibility, who need support. And Campus Pride, unlike 90 percent of our national organizations, is based in Charlotte, as opposed to New York, or L.A., or D.C.,”
he continues. “So, at the end of the day, Campus Pride chose to be in a southern city because that’s where the work needs to be done. And I think this is an example of the fact that we’re exactly where we need to be.” Campus Pride has been located in Charlotte since its founding in 2001. Those interested in donating to Campus Pride can do so through their website at campuspride.org. (Q-Notes Online – Jeff Taylor at Qnotes.com)
1000 Dreams Fund empowers young women to strive Washington, D.C. – You may recognize Farrah Krk from hr rol i th nt ix original series, “Orange is the New Black.” Just ahead of the show’s highly anticipated third season, the actress and activist has landed a new leading role: She’s the face of the 1,000 Dreams Fund, a movement to empower young women in the United States through scholarships and advice on what it takes to reach their career goals and dreams. According to Christie Garton, the fund’s founder and creator, millions of girls across the U.S. have dreams about what they want to do with their lives, but they lack the resources to make those dreams a reality. “Our primary mission is to provide deserving Farrah Krenek young women with scholarships because we believe big expenses should never stand in the way of big dreams,” Garton said. . . .We are an inclusive scholarship program focused on empowering young women everywhere,” said Christie, who added that any young women in high school or college who needs funding for an extracurricular that they believe will help them reach their dream career, can apply for funding. According to Krenek, when Garton contacted her about getting involved, she was immediately intrigued and onboard. “[Garton] spoke to me about … how she had a vision to help provide funding to make dreams a reality for these girls and educate this generation on more than what it sees with modern technology,” Krenek explained. “[She] wanted me
to be their voice and their inspiration … by sharing my story and teaching them that even with a dif clt past, yo ca crat th ftr that you envision. She wanted me to teach the youth what it’s like to be beautiful, just by being you.” Once Krenek understood the mission of the Dreams Fund, she said she knew this would be the “most important role” yet. “It was my absolute obligation to teach these girls that live in a ‘digital generation’ where true beauty comes from and how important it is to believe in yourself and know that you are worthy,” Krenek said. “Giving them this moral boot camp and helping them with the scholarships gives them two of the most important weapons for survival: Knowledge and self-worth.” For more information, or to apply, visit 1000dreamsfund.org. (Echo Magazine – Megan Wadding, at Echomag.com)
From shattered life, artist shapes a new reality
These news notes have been compiled, with permission, from the online version of various newspapers and other web sites. We thank these publications for allowing us to bring you their news stories. Usually the reports have been signi cantly edited and you can read the full story by going to the web site mentioned following the item. Comments are strictly the opinions of Jim Becker and not of Baltimore oUtloUd or Pride Media. community. It doesn’t [ask] what is your accent, what color is your hair, your ethnicity or where you are from,” Gil said. “One of the most amazing things in the world is our diversity. We may have different status, but we are just that, just different.” But even though the Colombian artist was happy with the opportunities to produce social art, he had not found his own special way of doing art. That came through a serendipitous event. One day, he found a stockpile of old glass and felt an immediate connection. “The glass was talking to me,” he said. That was five years ago and doing small projects, and then his self-portrait, he realized that blue was his color and came up with the idea of using paint on glass. “It is the same technique as using mosaics, using grout,” he explained. He immediately saw the symbolism of the broken glass and how people, including immigrants like himself, so often feel broken, but how piecing it together creates integration. Gil is passionate about what it can do for others, because of what art did for him. “My quote is ‘Art saved my life,’” Gil said. t (Q-Notes Online – Bill Allen at Qnotes.com)
Charlotte, N.C. – Broken after watching his life partner in Colombia be murdered and two attempts made on his own life, visual artist Edwin Gil landed in Charlotte, N.C., looking for purpose and a focus which he eventually found in something else broken: glass. Gil, now an internationally rowd artist, is a rm blivr i th power of art to transform and has dedicated himself to the idea of social art. “Art is an amazing tool,” Gil said in a recent interview. “It cass commitis to talk abot dif clt topics, such as war with peace.” Gil’s most recent project, Faces of Diversity, focuses on working with different communities, holding workshops and getting participants to dip their thumbs in paint and make a thumbprint. He then takes the dozens, or in some cases hundreds, of thumbprints and creates a large piece of artwork using some of the same techniques as creating a mosaic with the focus being a face of someone who represents the diversity of that community. “Everyone has different shapes. But all are part of the same Edwin Gil and one of his creations in glass
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THINKING OUTLOUD
Pointing it Out
By Sage Piper
Sending Words to Comfort Us Dear Sage, I’ve thought of you and all my other LGBT friends and family repeatedly over the past week. I felt as if I should be sending all kinds of apologies and condolences and at least acknowledging the horrific nature of what had happened in Orlando. It seemed my experience of grief over the tragedy was inexpressible. Forgive me for not being in touch, but know that I send you my love. S.E.
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This letter came to me from a thoughtful and loving friend exactly one week after the massacre inside the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Florida. Her apology for not having written was heartfelt and meaningful to me, and I was thankful for her note. She certainly did not need to seek my forgiveness, nor do I feel in any way as if she owed me an acknowledgement. I knew, without her saying, that she was among the many horrified, saddened, and outraged by this violent act. And still this reaching out – the way anyone would when you have lost a loved one – was to me a beautiful, and healing, act of love. I am only just beginning to process what happened in Orlando in the wee hours of that fateful Sunday, but there is one thing I know. I know how it felt, to be in such a club on a weekend night, in such a community. It was Latin Night at Pulse in Orlando, but it could just as well have been Ladies’ Night at the Hippo in Baltimore. It was a Saturday night, the end of
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a long week and as you passed through the doors of that club, you knew you had made it. It didn’t matter who you were or what your day job, it didn’t matter who you were with, a small group or a posse of besties – you were home free. You were among family, in the best sense of that word. With every move and every breath, you could relax, smile, unwind, and not a word needed to be said out loud. At Pulse It didn’t matter your particular life situation – if you had been out forever and had been through the wars, if you were newly out and still finding your way, if you spent every hour of the rest of your week in the closet or were half out and half in or were publicly out but not in public because of your partner’s fears for your safety ... or maybe you had accepted your role as the token gay in the office or you were outbut-we-don’t-talkabout-it or defiantly out or glowingly out or screamingly out – but here, all that noise was left behind. It was akin to the unfettered freedom you might feel, perhaps, that hour a week in your therapist’s office. Only here, no one’s being paid to be there and support you and what the hell, all your shit is out there anyway– oh yes, here your teeming insides are sprawled out naked for one and all to see and the lights are throbbing and the music is calling ... and here, everyone takes you in in one fell swoop and they understand and without understanding how everyone in the whole damned club is full-throated rooting for you. Here, everyone knows all about you and they celebrate you and they are your safe place – because they want to be. Because you are theirs, of course, as well – and your celebration of them is the most honest thing you’ve done all week. Because you are home. And it’s hot and
pulsing and joyful and forever and fleeting – and that’s what you get. And it’s everything. And because I know what this feels like, I’m one of the lucky ones. I am painfully aware that there are LGBT people living all over this country and all over this world who do not ever get the chance to bask in the loving confines of such a wonderful and vital space. And because I know that, and because we all know that, when you are one of the lucky ones and you actually get to dance your heart out and your feet out and your lungs out and your glitter out for a few hours on an endless weekend night – you dance like there is no tomorrow. You dance like your life depends on it. And you come away feeling connected and spent and accepted and healed ... and human. You feel human in the most giving and the most open sense of that word, bursting with possibility and future and light and standing, for that short time, amidst but also above all that pain that inexorably weaves its way into every moment of your life. Because this is the beautiful life you can know. Everyone in Pulse that night, I didn’t know their stories – but I knew their smiles. I knew their breathing while they were dancing free in the air of unconditional and abounding love. I knew their sense of sweet and sweaty safety, and their belief in the magic within those seemingly ordinary walls. Their happiness. So sending me a sympathy card in the face of the loss of those precious people from the face of this earth – that feels like a human response. A place to begin. t
“It was Latin Night at Pulse in Orlando, but it could just as well have been Ladies’ Night at the Hippo in Baltimore.”
THINKING OUTLOUD
Lesbian Love
Barb Elgin
Barb’s Lasting Lesbian Love Quest As promised, in today’s article (and in future articles) I will be writing about my adventures seeking lasting lesbian love via online dating. I will share my adventures and observations just to have some fun and to offer you some potentially useful ideas and cheerleading for those taking (or wanting to) the plunge! I’ve begun my quest by using a popular online dating site. As a busy professional, it’s a convenient way to connect with other single women. I am happy to report that I am moving forward in my online conversations on this site and hope to have an in-person
coffee date or two soon. Most of all – and this is important for you to remember too – I want to enjoy the process. If I start to make it “like work” then, that’s not healthy for me. I am not in a contest or a rsh to d somo. Thos of you who have followed me over the years know that I’ve learned to live a happily single life and, as I said in my last article here, I envision a relationship becoming the “cherry on top of my sundae.” Here are two great tips while you warm up to the online dating site(s) you are using... #1 HOT TIP: It s perilous to view online dating pro les as gospel! Online datig pro ls ar ot mch mor rliabl tha mtig somo for th rst tim at a bar or event. Everyone is on their best behavior! Ys, it’s tr. Datig pro ls ar fll of inaccuracies and things people don t say, so be wary of placing too much emphasis o dig a “prfct match” as yo sarch. The other side of this then is being willing to widen who you will get out there to meet in person. Keep in mind: most if not all online dat-
ig pro ls ar “slf rportd,” maig w are to some degree relying on the accuracy of the online dater. Even if the online dating company uses a so-called “sophisticated algorithm” or “methods created by psychologists,” putting yourself out there on a dating site is usually very similar to primping yourself up before you head out to the singles event. Your potential dates are doing the same thing, so let’s stop putting so mch val o ths pro ls, including criticizing others for “trying to look or sound” better than they are. We are all doing the same thing! #2 – Widen the age range you will accept (just a bit) – Consider the age range you are searching on. Is it too narrow? I just turned 55. Initially I went with ags 50-65 bt I th movd it st v years down from 45-65. That has made an appreciable difference! There is a part of me saying “45-year-old women won’t be interested in you Barb.” But I answer that with my experience on the site: I am noticing some women that age are looking for women my age – at least it says so in their age range
Online dating tips – Part I
selected. There is also the suggestion to widen your age frame even more, to make friends who then might know women to introduce you to for dating. I saw one attractive 50-somthig woma today whos pro l says “open to meeting women 35-85 for dating and new friends.” Well, that may be a bit dicier, if you are wanting to narrow and focus your search in the short term, but if you are in no rush, that could work for you too. Okay, so that’s enough for now. I’ll be back soon with more online dating tips, including how to be choosy in moderation! In the meantime, have fun and be safe out there. t Barb Elgin, MSW and Certi ed Singles Coach, has been coaching and counseling single, dating and coupled lesbians for over 25 years. When she s not helping others, she s having fun playing Pickleball or hanging with friends and family. If you re interested in connecting with other women-who-love-women in healthy ways, join Barb s complimentary e-mail list here: Lastinglesbianlove.com/lesbian-social-and-travel-with-heart.
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THINKING OUTLOUD We are resilient. We miss those close to us. We are beautiful. And we are here.
My Fabulous
Disease By Mark S. King
My Response to Orlando in One Sublime Performance BY MARK S. KING I can’t watch the news anymore right now. I have it muted, but will admit to glancing in its direction every few minutes. On the screen there are police cars and flashing lights and footage of the injured and there is often someone in tears. It makes me wince with emotion, and twice this morning I have blurted out a sob for a moment, which surprises me, frankly, because I don’t cry much anymore. Tears are creeping up on us everywhere. My husband started crying yesterday while we were waiting for a table at a restaurant. He read on his phone about the long lines to donate blood, hundreds of people waiting for hours, and he lost it for a minute. I rubbed his back and said nothing. No words, as they say. But, being a theatrical queen that returns to performances for emotional touchstones, I want to share this transcendent performance by Fantasia from the 61st Annual Tony Awards. Every single word of this song, “I’m Here” from The Color Purple, speaks to me at this moment and to this tragedy.
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I m Here I got my children. I can’t hold them now, They may not be here, but they still mine. I hope they know I still love them. Got my house. It still keeps the cold out. Got my chair When my body can’t hold out. Got my hands Doin’ good like they s’pose to, Showin’ my heart To the folks that I’m close to. Got my eyes. Though they don’t see as far now, They see more ’bout how things Really are now... I’m gonna take a deep breath. Gonna hold my head up. Gonna put my shoulders back, And look you straight in the eye. I’m gonna flirt with somebody When they walk by. I’m gonna sing out... Sing out! I believe I have inside of me Everything that I need to live a bountiful life. With all the love alive in me I’ll stand as tall as the tallest tree. And I’m Thankful for each day that I’m given, Both the easy and hard ones I’m livin’. But most of all I’m thankful for Loving who I really am. I’m beautiful. Yes, I’m beautiful, And I’m here. And please, my dear friends, be well. t
THINKING OUTLOUD // MARK MY WORDS
We’re Out and Proud BY MARK SEGAL I woke up Sunday morning to the horrible, alarmingly common news of an incident of gun violence and terrorism. But this one was different: The shooter’s target was the LGBT community. I learned about the incident as I was getting ready to march in Philadelphia’s Gay Pride Parade. I never questioned whether I would march, but it took me hours to realize why. The thousands of people who gathered for the Philadelphia parade were joyous, not sober, even as news began to stream out: The Orlando shooting left 50 dead, 53 more wounded and was now the worse mass shouting in U.S. history. As the parade moved forward, I was confronted with images of the past, of the very
it by taking lessons in passive resistance. At 18 years old, I was one of the youngest marshals. Until that June 28, no more than 100 or so openly gay people had ever been organized in a march, picket or protest. But this was one year after the Stonewall riots, and we wanted to celebrate our pride in our community, in the youth and trans organizations we’d build. We’d put together legal and medical support systems and even the world’s rst LGBT commity ctr. W wanted to celebrate. On the day, we didn’t know if there would be many more than 100 people brave enough to march with us. But when we got to 23rd Street, I looked back to see a line of people still coming our way from the village. That st chills dow my back. Th al participation counts in the Christopher Street Liberation Day March range from 5,000 to 15,000 people. As it was then, Sunday’s parade was no longer a mere celebration, it was a march of d ac. It was th Christophr Strt Liberation Day March. The past few decades have seen success after success for our community, but those of us who were there in those early days recall the violence. We recall Stonewall, and the Compton’s riots in Sa Fracisco. W rcall th mros rbombs at our churches; we recall the arrests, the incarcerations, the nickel rides in police wagons; we recall Mathew Shepard; we recall the tens of thousands who were lobotomized; we recall a nation and its president turning its back as a plague killed hundreds of thousands. In 1973, an LGBT club called th upstairs Log i nw Orlas was rbombed, and 34 people died. This is the violent history against our community that has been ignored for the sake of celebration. Orlando is proof that what we
Especially after Orlando
“A year after Stonewall, I marched in the first-ever gay pride parade. This weekend showed why we’re still marching.” rst gay prid march, i nw York o j 28, 1970. It was called the Christopher Street Liberation Day March, and I was there. We didn’t know what to expect, as no group of “known homosexuals” had ever gathered and marched across Manhattan to proclaim thir prid i who thy wr. At rst, th city wouldn’t give us a permit to march, but we were going to do so with or without it. Because LGBT people didn’t unusually leave Greenwich Village, as an openly out group, we expected violence and we prepared for
started in 1969, then again in 1981, is still true today. W ar ot st ghtig for or livs, w ar ghtig to hav a lif, a lif byod th silence, beyond what was expected of us before the movement took off. What has saved us all these years, through all the horrors that our community has faced, is our sense of pride. All of us marching in events this pride month will be doing so in honor of those killed not only in Orlando, but nationwide. Our community has lived with this violence for all these decades. It has taken a mass shooting to shift the news media’s attention back to the real issue: hatred for who we are and how we live; hatred for our efforts to carve out a more inclusive world for ourselves. Nothing will replace the lives that were lost in Orlando; it will take time to close the fractures. But our community will endure. Our triumphs and our tragedies make us
who we are. We who march with pride and joy in our hearts make a pledge that was made at Stowall ad at that rst gay prid vt: W will be out and proud and there is nothing you can do to force us back into silence. t
Gay Pride, New York City, 1970
Mark Segal is publisher of PhilaGay News. His new memoir aNd theN i daNced is out now. Follow him at Facebook.com/ MarkSegalPGN or Twitter.com/PhilaGayNews. delPhia
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EDITORIAL
THINKING OUTLOUD
Another Mass Shooting Thoughts, Prayers & BY JIM BECKER BALTIMORE OUTLOUD CO-PUBLISHER Once again, on Sunday morning, Americans awoke to another mass shooting of innocent people. This time the victims where patrons of a gay bar in Orlando, Florida, and from what we know of the shooter this was clearly a hate crime and terrorist attack on the LGBT communities. Baltimore OUTloud sends our deepest sympathies and condolences to the families of those who were murdered and to the victims who are struggling for their lives. We join with those who held spontaneous vigils in Mount Vernon at the Washington Monument, Memorial Episcopal Church in Bolton Hill, and others throughout the country in grieving this egregious assault. These mass murders are becoming so routine that there is a formula for a response. We express shock and dismay, send sympathies to those caught up in the tragedies, bemoan the state of gun laws, and after a brief period go back to our daily routines with certitude that nothing really is going to change. Sadly that is the likely outcome this time as well. Until recently, most of this madness that we call mass shootings have been the direct result of our insane love affair with guns in this country. Many psychopaths and sociopaths can easily obtain assault weapons such as the one used by the Orlando murderer – we are told he recently purchased the weapons legally! The Columbine school massacre, the Colorado movie theater carnage, and the Sandy Hook slaughter of 20 elementary school children are but a few examples of the madness that is America armed to the teeth. But now we can see that political motives are giving cover to these sociopaths and psychopaths: witness the church murders in South Carolina, the San Bernardino attacks, ad ow this lacy. Th shootr has b idti d as a rligios faatic, homophobic, racist, misogynist, wife beater who declared allegiance to the Islamic State. Reportedly, the father of this madman has said that his son’s slaughter of innocent people had nothing to do with religion. Rather, the father said that his son became upset recently when he saw two men kissing in Miami. We wonder how such expressions of love and affection can engender such hate. The Islamic State implements its version of sharia law in the areas of the Middle East that it controls and has executed gay men by throwing them off of buildings and stoning them. So where could this hatred have originated? W hav b vry distrssd by th xtrmism displayd by th natioal Ri Association throughout all of these years of carnage. Now, however, we feel that it is time to identify the NRA for what it is. No doubt the NRA and its members would be appalled at any suggestion that its absolutist positions against any efforts at reasonable gun control in the name of the Second Amendment has anything to do with terrorism. But its positions play directly into the hands of terrorists by promoting policies that result in the proliferation of these insane weapons of murder across the land. The NRA has turned the Second Amendment on its head, from a right of collective defense to a prescription for mayhem. Often gun apologist say that we must respect those who have died by not making political statements when these tragedies occur. We feel that the only way to respect thos who hav b sacri cd is to spak ot. This vt is so horri c that to do otherwise would be an outrage. Our hearts go out to all the families who have been touch by this tragedy. t
Can the LGBT community tip the balance on gun control?
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june 24, 2016 • BALTIMOREOUTLOUD.COM
Silence
Now what?
BY BILL REDMOND-PALMER In recent days, the queer community has been battered from all sides, following the shocking and tragic massacre of so many innocents in Orlando, shattering lives, families, and a community. We were reminded in stark terms that the battle to defeat the hate that drives homophobia and transphobia is far from over. While we may have won some important battles, the war is far from won. The attack also reminded how much internalized hate, homophobia, and transphobia can damage queer people, to the point where they lash out at those very people from whom thy shold b skig lov ad af rmatio. We were reminded that in many places in the U.S., it is far easier (and less expensive!) to buy a semi-automatic assault weapon, designed for the sole purpose of killing humans, than it is to see an award winning play on Broadway! The creator of the AR-15 has in fact publicly stated that the sole purpose of that weapon was and is for the shooter to kill other people. Since June 12, we have heard from many people offering their thoughts and prayers to the people of Orlando. Fortunately, many were spci cally targtd to th LGBTQ ad Lati communities most impacted by the shooter’s rampage. Unfortunately, far too many were mere platitudes, spoken more to keep up appearances than out of sincerity. Similarly, there were many “moments of silence” – some genuinely felt – others barely little more than symbolic. Even worse, are those who, like the presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump, who have used the queer community to further a nationalist agenda driven by hate, all the while feigning support and belittling those who have actual experience supporting queer people and improving their lives. I listened to the speech he gave the day after the event. I felt dirty, like I needed a shower and a good delousing, after being used in such a foul way, for such a hateful purpose. We have been inundated with thoughts from all sides. Thinking of others is important, but does little to change the world. We have heard many prayers. Those who know me know I am an unabashed person of faith, and a believer in the power of prayer. I
also believe however, that the Creator demands that we take action to repair the world. In the words of the Christian Bible, James 2:17: “Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.” W’v had or ll of momts of silc. Silence is powerful, but to indulge in silence, as so often happens after great tragedies, will only bring us more suffering and hate. It is time to move past all of those. Once #WeAreOrlando fades from the headlines and yor social mdia fds, m mst ght th temptation to go back to the safety and comfort of complacency. While we can and should continue to grieve for the losses of so many, it’s time to begin to rebuild and plan for how w will mov forward to ght th hat that still lurks in so many places. You can make a difference. In the immortal words of Margaret Mead, “never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” If you aren’t registered to vote, do it today. Voting is more important than ever. Encourage our political leaders to implement common sense gun legislation like universal background checks; restricting military style weapons to military use; and removing the ban on the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and other Federal agencies on researching the impact of guns on the health and welfare of the U.S. Support your local queer community orgaizatios, who ar workig to ght hat ad discrimination, and create a better world for us. Donate money if you can. Volunteer whenvr yo ar abl. ecorag pblic of cials to support and not undermine our community and our organizations. Finally, the most powerful thing you can do, is to fully live your authentic self. When you come out to those around you who you know and love, and who know and love you, you take a risk. The payoff is that when they realize that you are still the same person, just now more honest about yourself, their hearts and minds change toward all queer people. When facing the kind of challenges that face us today, I urge you to take the sage advice of Paul Monette, a gay writer in the 1980s and 1990s, who, prior to his death from HIV/ AIDS, wrote the following in his book Borrowed Time: An AIDS Memoir. “Tell yourself: None of this ever had to happen. And then go make it stop, whatever breath you have left. Grief is a sword, or it is nothing.” t
“And then go make it stop, whatever breath you have left. Grief is a sword, or it is nothing.”
BALTIMORE OUTLOUD june 24, 2016 • BALTIMOREOUTLOUD.COM t
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QUALITY OF LIFE
Open Wide ask Dr Eva
Dr Eva Hersh
Orlando Massacre The week that started June 12, 2016 was one of the longest weeks ever. The week after a death often is that way. It takes time to grasp the reality of the change, absorb the knowledge that you will not see your friend or family member again. Few, if any, of us in Baltimore personally knew any of the 49 people killed and 53 people injured at the gay nightclub Pulse in Orlando. It affects us deeply nonetheless. There is still confusion over whether the murders were an act of Islamic terrorism or an act of self-hatred related to homosexuality, which is also called internalized homophobia. At this writing, the
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press reports the FBI are leaning towards the second explanation. It seems likely to me that both motivations were present. One goal of this article is to show how fundamentalist religion and internalized homophobia can work together to create a force deadlier than either one. Homophobia is a part of all three major monotheistic patriarchal religions: Judaism, Christianity, and Islam (listed from oldest to youngest). Attitude towards homosexuality is one of many areas in which Christianity and Islam both borrowed from Judaism. In each of these religions, scriptures state that homosexuality can be punished with death. As each religion matured over centuries, the practice of this “law” evolved from actual killing, to shunning and shaming, to, in some denominations, accepting and embracing gay people. Before the 1979 Iranian revolution and institution of Shari’a (fundamentalist Islamic law) in Iran, homosexuality was illegal in many countries but these laws were rarely enforced. In 1979, homosexuality was not legally punishable by death anywhere except Saudi Arabia. In the U.S., whose legal system was based on British law, many states originally had laws allowing the death penalty for homosexuality. In 1873,
june 24, 2016 • BALTIMOREOUTLOUD.COM
South Carolina became the last state to abolish the death penalty for homosexuality. Even before 1979, the U.S.’s close ally Saudi Arabia had laws allowing execution for homosexuality. These laws are still in place, but in practice, lesser punishments – including whipping and imprisonment – are actually given. In Iran, however, there have been an estimated 4,000 people executed for homosexuality since the 1979 revolution. As part of the increasing international shift towards more fundamentalist Islam, many other Islamic nations have instituted harsh punishments for homosexuality as well as for adultery and other “moral crimes.” Today, execution is a legal punishment for homosexuality in Saudi Arabia, Iran, Yemen, Sudan, Mauritania, parts of Somalia and Nigeria, and in the areas of Syria and Iraq that are controlled by Islamic State. There may also have been an increase in “extrajudicial” killings for real or suspected homosexuality. Extrajudicial killings are murders which, although they are not ordered by the courts, are also not punished. These “honor killings,” in which men of the family murder a family member who has acted outside the traditional moral code, are supposed to defend the “honor” of the family. The increase in homophobic executions in Iran and more recently in the Islamic State has not been widely noticed in the West. The Shi’ite Iranian government continues to hang gay people, mostly men and boys, including some as young as 13. In the Sunni Islamic State, the usual method of execution is to throw suspected homosexuals from the top of a tall building. This is more convenient since no gallows is required. Although Islamic homophobia is more deadly, Christian homophobia is a greater presence in our lives in the United States. Christian homophobia remains part of religious belief among what we hope is a small minority of Christians. These folks are always present, but anything that brings gay-related issues into the news encourages them to hate more loudly and visibly. Whether the issue is gay marriage, transgender people in bathrooms, or the massacre in Orlando, their reaction is the same: punitive (gays will be damned to hell) and smug (while we saints laugh in heaven.) The Westboro Baptist Church, a tiny group that is famous for its vicious homophobia, called on its members to protest at the funerals of Orlando victims. Only a few showed up, and hundreds of supporters were also there, including a group of Orlando theater members dressed as angels with white sheets for wings, forming a curtain to give mourners privacy.
The LGBT movement has succeeded, mainly in the past 20 to 25 years, in shifting public understanding in Western countries. In the U.S. today, most people agree that being LGBT is only a difference, not a sin or a crime. Unfortunately, crazy-acting haters attract more attention, reporters and cameras than calm, sane people do. It’s up to us to keep in mind and remind others that the haters are a small minority, far fewer than we LGBT are, far fewer than our straight allies. In the U.S. more people are now aware that they know someone who is LGBT. They realize that it is just as normal for LGBT people to speak openly about their lives and partners as it is for anyone else. Among people under 30, same-sex marriage is widely accepted. We have come a long way in the right direction. The existence of a few homophobes, of any religion, cannot take that away. This remains true even in the face of a horrific massacre such as the one we have just experienced in Orlando. It’s important to keep both facts in mind: 1) The victims died because they were Americans. They died in an international terrorist war. 2) The people who died were killed by homophobia. It’s not necessary or possible to choose which motive is more important. One man interviewed on NPR told how, when he called to tell his parents he survived the attack, his father’s concern was not that his son could have died, but rather wanting to know why he was in a gay club in the first place. Today I saw a patient, a middle-aged lady who had her first-ever panic attack after hearing about Orlando. Her son is a gay man, and now she is afraid for him again after years of slowly learning not to be afraid. The ripple effects from Orlando extend wider than we might imagine. I was inspired by the clear words of Eddie Meltzer, a young man who was interviewed on NPR on June 14th while he was volunteering as a translator for the Spanish speaking families of victims. He said, “I’m just not going to subscribe to fear. We’re a strong community. You know, we’re gay men. We live in a world where we get a lot of hate. We know how the world feels about us. And we’re strong people because we live in a world that wasn’t made for us. You can’t kill me. I’m an idea. I’m timeless.” What happens now is, we keep moving forward. Together. t Eva Hersh is a Baltimore family physician. Please send questions and comments to her by e-mail at dr.eva@baltimoreoud.com
BALTIMORE OUTLOUD june 24, 2016 • BALTIMOREOUTLOUD.COM t
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LIVELY ARTS // OUT ON STAGE
Serving Up the Laughs BY CHUCK DUNCAN We’ve been seeing the previews for months now with an overweight Dwayne Johnson dancing in the shower to En Vogue’s “My Loving (You’re Never Gonna Get It)” and his transformation into the Johnson we know and love. Ad ow w ally get to see the how and why of that transformation as Central Intelligence ally hits th big screen. The story centers on two high schoolers, th mis t Robbi Wirdich (johso) ad class president / most-likely-to-succeed Calvin Joyner (Kevin Hart). As Robbie is humiliated in front of the entire senior class at high school, Calvin is the only person to show him
Most likely to succeed re-encounters mis t
Central Intelligence
“A comedy like Central Intelligence lives or dies on the chemistry of its leads, and Johnson and Hart have chemistry in spades.” any sympathy as he comes to Robbie’s aid with his letterman’s jacket. Years later, Calvin is an accountant (not exactly a success in his book) and married to his high school sweetheart (so at least he scored there). Out of the blue, he gets a Facebook friend request from a Bob Stone who it turns out is Robbie, hoping to hook up with his one friend from school before their reunion. Calvin barely remembers Robbie and he would never recognize the massive tower of muscle he meets at a local bar as “Fat Robbie.” The two reminisce, but a brawl in the bar forces Bob to reveal to Calvin that he’s in the CIA. Bob then asks Calvin is he can help him with som accotig, bt what h ds is ot bank accounts but an online auction site. Bob just needed Calvin’s expertise to break into th sit to obtai a spci c cod that wold tell them where an illegal arms deal was taking place. For his involvement, Calvin suddly ds himslf a part of th missio ad involved in CIA intrigue, never knowing if Bob is actually an agent or a rogue spy about to commit treason. A comedy like Central Intelligence lives or dies on the chemistry of its leads, and John-
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son and Hart have chemistry in spades. Johnson perfectly embodies the nerd seemingly stuck in the early 90s with his love of the music of the era and his absurd unicorn T-shirt (because ‘corns are the most lethal animal on the planet!). He’s so good that you never know if Bob is really that off-kilter or if he’s just playing the part to lure Calvin in (and Calvin thinks Bob is just as weird as the rest of us). Hart does what he does best, giving us his patented nervous energy and short fuse (no pun intended), but also allowing the audience to experience the situation with him, because we are just as unsure of the situation as he is. Together, the actors make for a great buddy team and give us a lot of big laughs. In fact, their chemistry is so good that it almost makes us forget how utterly absurd the plot is. If you stop to think about it after getting all the laughs out of your system, it really doesn’t make a lick of sense. Without going into any spoilery details, a simple request for assistance would have prevented most of th lm from vr happig (ad th CIA doesn’t have anyone capable of breaking into a secure website? They’re probably reading this as I type it!). So, logic be damned, just sit back and laugh your ass off. And stick around for the bloopers right at the end of the movie. t
Delightful if a Bit Familiar BY CHUCK DUNCAN Thirteen years ago (yes, 13!), Pixar touched hearts and made a boatload of money with its family adventure tale Finding Nemo, the story of a child clow sh sparated from his father and the lengths his dad and sh frids wt to to d him. One of the characters introduced that became a fan favorite was bl tag sh Dory, voicd prfctly by ell
june 24, 2016 • BALTIMOREOUTLOUD.COM
Finding Dory
DeGeneres. Dory’s addled forgetfulness was offset by a constantly cheerful personality that won over audiences young and old. now Dory is th star of hr ow lm that explores more of her backstory as a child which srvs to st this lm’s advtr in motion. The title is a bit of a misnomer though, as it is Dory who is searching for her parents (but Marlin and Nemo do also have to d Dory wh thy gt sparatd, bt that is mor a sbplot). Th lm ops with Dory pining for the parents she lost as a very young child and her valiant attempts to remember even where she came from. Hoping that others will help jog her memory, she sets ot across th oca to d hr hom ad her family, Marlin and Nemo in tow. Along the way, she befriends Hank the octopus (or septopus since he only has seven tentacles) who may know where she came from, but all he wants is to be taken to the aquarium in Cleveland. The two form an unlikely partnership and get assistance from others at the marine
kids watching the movie may not understand all of this, but it packs an emotional punch for the older crowd. And while it’s a fun ride with Dory as she tries to put together all the pieces of where her home is, the constant forgetting can also get a little maddening. Luckily, the introduction of the increasingly frustrated Hank gives Dory a lot to play off of, and he is sure to become a new favorite character. Ed O’Neill does a great job voicing the character, so much so that you may not even realize it’s him. Also featured among the talented voice cast are Albert Brooks (returning as Marlin), Kaitlin Olson, Ty Burrell, Diane Keaton, Eugene Levy, Kate McKinnon, Bill Hader, and Sigourney Weaver. Fans of HBO’s The Wire will get a kick out of Idris Elba and Dominic West playing a pair of sleepy but belligerent sea lions. There are also two unvoiced characters, a bird named Becky and another sea lion, that pretty much steal the show. The movie itself looks stunning as you With animated sh, the world will never want for food
institute in California. Laughs are to be had, heartstrings are to be tugged, and even a tear or two will be shed. What else could you want from a Pixar movie? Finding Dory does have many laugh-outloud moments, even if they harken back to the original movie, but it’s also quite sad when we get into the backstory of Dory. Even as a adorabl child (with hg, motio- lld eyes), Dory has been stricken with short-term memory loss. We see her wanting to play with th othr sh, bt hr parts worry that sh’ll forget where she lives so they attempt to play hide and seek to keep her occupied (except the poor thing can’t even remember how to count to ten). When young Dory worries that she may even forget her parents, you can’t hlp bt gt lld with motio. Th yogr
would expect from Pixar, and the 3D process adds some depth to the undersea vistas but nothing really pops off of the screen all that much. If you’re a fan of Finding Nemo, the you’re sure to enjoy the familiarity of the characters and story of Finding Dory. Be sure to stay all the way through the credits for a pretty lengthy coda. Featured with Finding Dory is the charming Pixar short Piper, which follows th rst days in the life of a newly hatched sandpiper exploring its new world on the beach and learning how to navigate the incoming waves whil tryig to d food brid bath th sand. The hatchling is just adorable, and the short features the most amazingly photo-realistic CGI to date. It’s a real delight. t
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LIVELY ARTS // SCREEN SAVOR
Us and Them
BY GREGG SHAPIRO LGBT film festival favorite Henry Gamble’s Birthday Party (Wolfe) utilizes the titular shindig as the turning point for most of the characters, particularly Henry (Cole Doman), who is 16 going on 17. The film opens with a “how big are you?” discussion between Henry and classmate Gabe (Joe Keery), which then leads to a masturbation session, supposedly centered around sex with a girl. Henry, the son of Pastor Bob (Pat Healy) and Kat (Elizabeth Laidlaw), and the younger brother of Autumn (Nina Ganet) and Candice (Kelly O’Sullivan), stands out from his peers in a number of ways. For example, in spite of being raised in a religious household, he thinks that Christian music sucks. He has a podcast in which he plays music by cool, secular bands. Still, that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t say his prayers before sleep or at the breakfast table with his family. Before long, the guests begin arriving. Henry and Gabe are already in the pool, and are joined by Logan (Daniel Kyri),
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newly pregnant Candice and her husband Keith (Travis A. Knight), Autumn’s “super-pagan” friend Cheyenne (Zoe Tyson), Heather (Grace Melon) and queer Christine (Melanie Neilan), virginal tease Emily (Mia Hulen), who sports a cross on her bikini bottom, and assorted others. Heather and Christine are friendly with Logan, who is gay, and drop hints to Henry, that they think he might be, too. Also among the guests are Bob’s fellow pastor Larry (Francis Guinan), his prudish and judgmental wife Bonnie (Hanna Dworkin) and their daughter Grace (Darci Nalepa), as well as Rose (Meg Thalken), the widow of Bob’s mentor HB, and her troubled son Ricky (Patrick Andrews). With all of these people, some of whose personalities don’t exactly mix well with the others, there are plenty of opportunities for drama and fireworks, and Henry Gamble s Birthday Party wraps them all up in pretty paper before tearing them open. Food is served and cake is eaten before appetites can be spoiled. Just as family secrets are spilled, disagreements, ac-
june 24, 2016 • BALTIMOREOUTLOUD.COM
cusations, rumors, gossip, and even blood, flows like boxed wine. In the midst of it all, there are examples of the cult-like recruitment activity of the super-religious and well thought out challenges to Christian college curricula. Henry, who is as sweet as frosting, even gets kissed by a girl and a boy. If you loved Cone’s smart 2011 film Wise Kids (and who didn’t?), then you’ll appreciate this latest effort, in which Cone truly comes into his own as a writer and director. DVD extras include commentary by Cone, a then and now interview with Doman and the short film Baby. In what could be a setup to a joke, a gay couple, a lesbian couple and a straight couple go to Fire Island for a weekend in late September in That’s Not Us (Strand). Jackie’s (Nicole Pursell) aunt Linda has offered her and her girlfriend Alex (Sarah Wharton) use of her house. They are joined by Alex’s BFF James (Mark Berger) and James’ boyfriend Spencer (David Rysdahl), as well as Alex’s sister Liz (Elizabeth Gray) and her boyfriend Dougie (Tommy Nelms). In what is something of a familiar device, all six characters will learn something new about themselves and each other over the course of the weekend. For example, Spencer has been accepted to grad school in Chicago, which means that he will have to leave New York and James in order to attend. We watch Spencer struggle with what has become something of a mixed blessing for him. In the case of Jackie and Alex, the dreaded lesbian bed death
has set in and the rainbow dildo that Alex packed in her suitcase only serves to remind them of that fact. Interestingly, Dougie’s secret – he can’t ride a bike! – is the least traumatizing, although he does end
up with a broken wrist when Liz tries to teach him how to ride. Add in Spencer’s persistent mother who won’t stop calling him while he’s on the island, a neighbor with a lost dog, and a case of mistaken house identity, and you have plenty of opportunities for conflict and comedy. That s Not Us is a sweet, if forgettable, movie. DVD bonus features include extended and deleted scenes, a pair of featurettes and the original theatrical trailer. t
LIVELY ARTS // QMUSIC
Country ’tis of Thee BY GREGG SHAPIRO Known far and wide for putting her money where her mouth is, versatile and enduring Tony Award-winning diva Cyndi Lauper is one of the most outspoken supporters of the LGBT community. Before we became aware of that, it was her singing voice and distinctive fashion sense that initially caught our eye. After forays into pop, dance music, standards and the blues, Lauper, who had us going gaga long before Lady Gaga, lends her remarkable vocal range to a set of country numbers on Detour (Sire). Joined by a stellar array of country legends, including Willie Nelson and Emmylou Harris, Lauper leaves her “unusual” mark on a series of mid-20th century country classics, including Wanda Jackson’s “Funnel of Love,” and Patsy Cline’s “Walking After Midnight” and “I Fall to Pieces.” To her credit, Lauper knows when to utilize country’s trademark catch in the throat (something that has served her well over the years) on heartbreakers such as “Misty Blue,” “The End of the World,” and “Begging To You.” Duets with a yodeling Jewel (“I Want to be a Cowboy’s Sweetheart”) and Alison Krauss (“Hard Candy Christmas”) are also standouts. Has Bob Dylan run out of his own things to say? Fallen Angels (Columbia), Dylan’s second album of covers of songs associated with Frank Sinatra, steps up the torchy twang of its 2015 predecessor. Like Willie Nelson did on his masterpiece Stardust, Dylan uncovers the country possibilities of standards by Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer (“Come Rain or Come Shine” and “That Old Black Magic”), Mercer and Hoagy Carmichael (“Skylark”), Jimmy Van Heusen and Sammy Cahn (“All the Way”), Van Heusen and Johnny Burke (“Polka Dots and Moonbeams”), Isham Jones and Gus Kahn (“It Had to be You”), and others. Of course, depending on how you feel about Dylan as an interpreter of other people’s songs (read: singer), Fallen Angels could be heaven or hell. Speaking of covers, Sturgill Simpson s breathtaking rendition of Nirvana’s “In Bloom” is just one of many reasons to get his fantastic third album A Sailor’s Guide to Earth (Atlantic). A concept album (a musical letter to his newborn son), the nine songs are delivered in
a stunning retro style that incorporates soul, as h dos o th magi ct opr “Wlcom To Earth (Pollywog)” and “Keep it Between the Lines,” alongside the Southern comfort. Prepare to be swept away by the gorgeous “Breakers Road” and “Oh Sarah,” and shaken up by “Brace for Impact (Live a Little)” and “Call to Arms.” In the early days of his stand-up comedy career, Steve Martin’s material could best be described as unconventional. But the banjo he played in his shows hinted at a more traditional side to his talents. Throughout the 21st century, Martin has recorded and released well-received bluegrass albums, including a pair of collaborations with Edie Brickell, and even earned Grammy Awards for his music. Martin and Brickell have taken their collaboration to a new level with the Tony Award-nominated musical Bright Star. Based on a story by Martin and Brickell, Bright Star: Original Broadway Cast Recording (Ghostlight), with music and book by Martin and music and lyrics by Brickell, the play takes place in the early 1920s and mid-1940s, and involves literary ambition, babies born out of wedlock, and more, all presented in a vintage country music setting. Stephanie Rice, Colonial Blue s out lead vocalist has a solid grasp of the concept of from a whisper to a scream on songs such as “Break You Bones,” “My Treason,” “Home,” and “Take a Glass,” from the band’s debut album Dear Misery, (Colonialblueband.com). As the daughter of a preacher in a small town, Rice has an increasingly familiar coming out story involving being tossed out of the house (how “Christian” of them!) and fending for herself. Music was Rice’s refuge and the ten songs, including standouts “Cold Water” and “Oh No,” on Dear Misery, prove that that was a good thing. If you ever wondered what Louisiana glam rock might sound like then you ought to take a listen to Dolls of Highland (Sub Pop), the irresistible debut album by Kyle Craft. If you can imagine Randy Newman channeling David Johansen via Van Dyke Parks then, in addition to having a vivid imagination, you have some idea what to expect. This concept is best illustrated on fantastic songs such as “Eye of a
Hurricane,” “Berlin,” “Lady of the Ark,” “Gloom Girl,” “Future Midcity Massacre,” “Jane Beat The Reaper,” and “Three Candles.” Cotry msic is lld with lgacy artists continuing on the paths laid by their forebears. Amy Helm, daughter of The Band’s Levon Helm, and Trixie Whitley, daughter of Chris Whitley, are two of latest (and best) examples of what can come from good genes. Helm, who has sung with her late father, as well as “helmed” her own band Ollabelle, makes her solo debut with the stormy and sensational Didn’t it Rain (E One). With a voice that is sure to appeal to fans of Shelby Lynne, Helm performs a pair of remarkable covers – “Gentling Me” (co-written by lesbian singer/songwriter Mary Gauthier and Beth Nielsen Chapman) and Sam Cooke’s “Good News,” as well as memorable originals including “Rescue Me,” “Sky’s Falling” and “Sing To Me.” Trixie Whitley does her late father proud on Porta Bohemica (Unday) on which she shares his musical tastes (“Witness,” “Closer,” “Faint Mystery”), while also channeling Annie Lennox (the astonishing “Eliza’s Smile” and “Soft Spoken Words”). “Spirits In My Head” by The Strumbellas, from the Canadian band’s album Hope (Glassnote / Factor) is the most inescapable song of the spring of 2016 and will probably continue to be so well into the summer. In the
tradition of The Lumineers, Trampled By Turtles and Mumford & Sons, The Strumbellas follow a folky path. Hope is a ttig am for disc as most of the eleven tracks communicate an upbeat mood as can be heard on “Dog,” “Young & Wild,” “The Night Will Save Us”, and “Wild Sun.” However, the reference to things in one’s head (on at least four songs) grows tiring. Speaking of The Lumineers, the trio returns with Cleopatra (Dualtone), its second full-length disc. Four years can be a long time between albums, but to be fair, The Lumineers’ eponymous debut took a little while to catch on. Once it did, however, the band became popular; maybe too popular, because the luminescence has been dimmed in favor of a more serious set of tunes. There is the barest of hint of the trademark stomp/clap (on “Ophelia”) that established The Lumineers. Also, the piano-only closer “Patience” is quite lovely. With an emphasis on the bizarre, on Strange Country (New West) by Kacy & Clayton, yo ca har i cs ragig from Crosby, Stills & Nash to Joni Mitchell and Sandy Denny. Pay close attention to the lyrics to title tune, “If You Ask Me How I’m Keeping,” “Brunswick Stew,” and “Dyin’ Bed Maker,” for examples of just how strange the country can get. That should be considered a recommendation. t
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LIVELY ARTS // OUT ON STAGE
Realer than Real BY FRANKIE KUJAWA As Hairspray continues to “unleash the beat” on local audiences at Toby’s Dinner Theatre, Baltimore OUTloud recently sat down with actress Kelli Blackwell to discuss her role as Motormouth Maybelle. This marks the third time the Baltimore native has played the lovable force to be reckoned with on stage. Blackwell shared both her insight, as well as the cultural impact, of the character. Frankie Kujawa: How does it feel to be playing such a beloved character who is also from Baltimore? Kelli Blackwell: It feels wonderful! It’s especially great to perform and hear the response during and after the show. I love Motormouth. It’s the reason I’m playing her again. She’s such a lovable character. She’s powerful and really supportive. She’s encouraging. How could you not love her? In real life I’m not as bold as she is, but playing her makes me feel great!
FK: How does your version of Motormouth Maybelle differ from other versions? KB: You know; I don’t know how it’s different. I try not to pay attention to that. There’s something so great in all of the versions. I just try to approach it and stay true to how I think she is. Motormouth is a positive person. This being the third time I’ve done Hairspray I d w and different ways to approach her. I try to make new discoveries all the time. I’ve found myself settling into this performance more so than in the previous two. I just feel, approaching the songs, I’ve been really listening to the lyrics. FK: What is the importance of Motormouth Maybelle s character in themes of Hairspray? KB: She’s big and being big you suffer a lot of rejection. She is able to offer encouragement to others. She’s encourages Edna throughout the show. She faces hardship through racial discrimination. She’s positive
Baltimore native stars as Baltimore native in Toby’s Hairspray
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throughout the entire show. She’s like that light that shines through it all. FK: Many critics have said that the character you play acts as a bridge between the white and black community during the time in which Hairspray is set. Do you see this, as well? KB: I do! It’s like this parallel between Tracy [Turnblad] and Motormouth who are both trying to do the same things. Motormouth is the bridge, especially with being a DJ on the show. She has that Kelli platform already. She has Blackwell eyes on her that she normally wouldn’t have, but she’s trying to push forward with ghtig agaist all the social discrimination and racism. FK: How do you think a character such as Motormouth Maybelle would be received in Baltimore circa 2016? KB: (Laughing) I sometimes forget the show is set in the 60s because it feels so current. I think she would be embraced. There are people just like her who are always stadig p agaist somthig to ght for ad exudes positivity like she does. Something
worth havig is worth ghtig for ad that’s the mantra she tells everyone, especially her kids and the kids that hang out in her shop. The struggle is real and we are still struggling to get our voices heard, and I think a person like her would be embraced. I would stand with her and I would march with her. FK: Which of Motormouth s performances is your favorite one to sing? KB: I love them both for different reasons. I think “I Know Where I’ve Been” really just sticks with me, though. The song makes people think and really listen to what the character is saying. If you really listen to the lyrics it’s a very powerful song, and it’s not over sung or anything. It’s just right in your face. She’s telling this story about what she’s been through and what she’s seen and how she’s not going back and she’s going to keep pushing through the struggle. I feel that it’s still relatable today. It doesn’t have to be just racial discrimination. There’s so many hardships that people are suffering today and many people can relate to that song. It’s about pushing forward and seeing the light in the darkness. It’s just a hopeful song. t
OUT IN THE VALLEY
Parenting OUTloud
Rev. Kelly Crenshaw
When Tragedy Strikes Early on Sunday morning, three of my daughters and I headed off to church. We were vacationing in Ocean City and had a bit of a drive to the church we attend when we are there. I left my 18 year old and four of her friends behind. Some of them were still sleeping when I left. It was peaceful and fairly quiet. The chatter hadn’t started. As I drove up Coastal Highway, I received a message from a member of my congregation. She was the first to tell me about the horrific events in Orlando. As I pulled into the parking lot, I stopped and took a minute to read news reports. I quickly texted the teens I had left at the condo to let them know what was going on. I greeted friends as the kids and I found seats. At that point, I’m not sure that many people knew what had happened. Later in the service, I listened as the pastor read a detailed news release about the shooting. I heard the gasps from the crowd. I saw the look of horror on the faces of my teenaged children. And my heart froze. I thought of the mothers who had just lost their children. I thought of the brothers and sisters who were grieving. I thought of the questions that were being asked by so many. Why here? Why now? Why my son? Why my daughter? We prayed for the victims and their loved ones. But it just didn’t seem to be enough. After the service, I went back to the condo. The kids were all up and sitting at the dining table. For a change, nobody was talking. They sat in silence. As the day went on, my kids of all ages began texting and calling. What could I say to them that would ease their fears. They were frightened. We were all frightened. The kids at the condo started asking questions, too. What exactly happened? Why would someone do something like that? How could it happen? I did my best to explain what I knew. I let them talk as they expressed their anger. How could anyone be so mean?
And then, it happened. The kids said that they still planned to go to the under 21 nightclub that night. I hadn’t mentioned it. I guess I hoped they would want to stay home with me. I was wrong. I wanted them to stay within eyesight. I wanted to protect them. I was afraid. I wanted to tell them not to go, but I didn’t. I encouraged them to go ahead with their plans. I told them when events happen like this, we have to be strong. We have to show the terrorists that they can’t win. We have to be brave. But, later that night, when they went out the door, I didn’t feel very brave. The kids laughed as they talked about taking a gay friend to a straight club. They complimented each other’s outfits and headed to the car. They entered the club, ready to have a good time. I put on a brave face for the younger kids who were left behind. But, I didn’t feel any relief until I saw that little group again, safe and sound, talking about their fun time. I could breathe again. We continue to talk about it. As the questions come up, I address them. My kids know that they can ask me anything and I will give an honest answer. They know that I will talk openly about the situation. We can’t shelter our children from the horrors of the world, but we can prepare them to be brave. We can show them that love will always win out over hate. And, we can hold them close as we ease their fears. Parenting is rarely easy, but parenting in a world that targets people for any reason is extra tough. Show your kids that hate is never the answer. Be a good role model for love and acceptance. Respect
their choices, giving them room to grow. But, above all else, help them to love who they are as individuals, each one with unique gifts and qualities to share with the world. Your children are special. They are precious. Cherish them. t Rev. Kelly Crenshaw is the mom of 16 adopted kids, two biological kids, guardian
of one baby girl and foster mom of dozens. Some are lesbian, some gay, some straight, and some bisexual. Kelly founded a K-12 day school where kids could have a safe, bully-free environment for learning. She is co-owner of a counselling agency that works with children and their families. Send your parenting questions to her at pastor.kelly@comcast.net
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OUT IN THE VALLEY // BRIAN’S BRAIN
Redefining Orlando, Redefining Us BY BRIAN GEORGE HOSE It’s fy how d itios chag. Origially, the word faggot simply meant a bundle of sticks. Eventually it became an insult meaning worthless; a waste of space. More time went by and faggot, along with the abbreviated fag, became the go-to slur for gay men and our community in general. For the past week I have felt like the secod d itio of a faggot – worthless. The tragdy that was iitially co d to Orlado quickly spread, affecting the entire LGBTQ community. Orlando was our worst nightmare come true, a reminder that this could hav b ay o of s. Pblic grs ad the media purposefully minimized or omitted the fact that the victims were LGBTQ and turned a premeditated hate crime and mass murder into an opportunity to talk about gun control, religious extremists, and terrorism to further their own agendas in an election year. Our tragedy and the reasons behind it
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were taken from us, cleaned up, and presented as something else, thus making us all victims of the attack. The reason 102 people were shot wasn’t worth telling because the victims, both in their lives and in their deaths, were “worthless” to these people, many of whom have actively fought the progress our community has made. To them, they were just 102 faggots wasting space; now, 49 faggots wasting space be- neath the ground. It’s likely the media minimized our loss because our community is still considered controversial. They thought that America wouldn’t be receptive to a story about dozens of murdered and injured LGBTQ men ad wom, so thy rd d th story ad rd d s. I’m tired of people talking about us like we can’t hear them. I’m tired of reminding myself to take a deep breath when bigotry and ignorance is openly expressed. I’m tired
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of being told I’m dangerous to society and unworthy of equal rights because I wouldn’t mind holding hands with Michael Buble. I’m tired of the nonsense that we’ve endured for years, and I’m exhausted to think that it may continue. I’m tired because my worst nightmare came true and not many people seem to understand what this means for everyone in our community. I’m tired of being a fag. As our community mourns the loss of our brothers and sisters in Orlando and tries to make sense of the senseless, it’s important that we remember the foundation of who we ar. Ors is a commity d d by lov, both by who we love and the ways we love ourselves. It’s important to remember that we can mak ad chag or ow d itios. In the U.K., fag is slang for cigarette. This d itio is a appropriat mtaphor bcas fags com with r, a light that brs throgh
them. In the wake of the Orlando murders we have shown the world our light. Candlelight vigils have brought light to the darkness, showing lov i th fac of hat. Or idividal ams have united, creating a light of love, a beacon to the “worthless” that is too bright and beautifl to b igord. Or ir r ld s to st a GoFundeMe record of over $5 million. Melissa ethridg sd hr r to crat Pulse, an anthem whose proceeds will be dedicated to an LGBTQ charity, only one day after the tragedy. They may call us fags, but they don’t understand the compliment in their hatred. Or commity kows how to ght advrsity. When we are called worthless faggots, we chag th d itio. W bcom fags, full of r that shis light o th darkss ad istices in the world, banishing the shadows and making way for love. We do not allow others to d s bcas w kow th hatrd w coti to fac is wakr tha or ir r of love and light. W ca chag th d itio of Orlado. W ca d it for what it was, a hat crim and the mass murder of LGBTQ men and women. Our light and love will show the world that we are not worthless and that violence will only make us shine brighter and love more rcly. t
OUT IN THE VALLEY // FAITH
Spirit Speaks
Rev. Dr. Rob Apgar-Taylor
Lives Worth Naming This past week we watched TV in horror as the news came of a mass shooting that targeted LGBT Americans in a dance club in Orlando. We felt anger, fear, disbelief. But we came together in many communities across the country to remember and celebrate their lives together. I had the honor of being asked to speak at a vigil in Frederick where 1,000 people gathered to light candles and pray. Here are the words I shared that night: I stand here tonight with mixed emotions. I have struggled with what to say. I called Kris this morning and asked if he wanted me to be “Christian and pastoral” or honest? He told me to be honest, so here goes: Someone on Facebook unfriended me recently because I was sounding angry “for a pastor.” Well guess what? He was right. I am angry… I’m damn angry. And I am tired. I’m tired of hearing words of condolence and prayer with nothing to back it up. I’m tired of politicians leading moments of silence, that are drowned out by the deafening level of their own complacency and inactivity. And I’m angry at leaders of both our nation and our faith communities who have given beautiful messages of sympathy and sadness at this massacre… yet fail to even mention the words “gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, or queer.” I am a gay man and I am heartbroken tonight. Even in death are we still not worth the breath on your lips? I guess it’s too much to ask you to acknowledge the tragedy of our deaths if you can’t even acknowledge the worth of our lives. I’m tired of the talk about gun violence in our country. It’s time to say enough is enough. We have become a nation defined by self-centeredness. From a government polarized by personal agendas totally oblivious to the voice of the people… to personal agendas prioritized by narcissism and self-indulgence. When did America become the country where “others” are somehow no longer as important as “self.” From a classroom of kindergartners, high school and college students, black folk gathered for Bible study or Sikhs
// HEALTH
gathered for worship, and now gays and lesbians enjoying a night with our friends. How is it that all of these have somehow become nothing more than acceptable collateral damage in the pursuit of individual rights and personal freedoms? And so yes, you’re damned right I am angry. People like me were slaughtered simply because they dared to exist. But I also know as a person of faith that anger can never have the last word. So tonight I pray and I light a candle. Not so that God will change things, but so that God will help me to change things. That together we will find the strength, the voice, to stand up for those whose voices have been silenced. Praying is not enough… lighting candles is not enough. But it can be the beginning of the journey. And this is a journey we must make together. Tonight we stand to say that their lives were worth naming and remembering. I honor the tragedy of their deaths, because I serve a God who affirmed the worth of their lives… their lives and ours. t Dr. Rob Apgar-Taylor is pastor of Grace United Church of Christ, Frederick, and Veritas United Church of Christ, Hagerstown.
Health Chat
by Liz Thompson
Mental Health Awareness Stress is everywhere these days. Just listening to the news is enough to trigger anxiety and a stress reaction. Now more than ever it is important to take care of ourslvs • physically ad mtally. We all experience anxiety and stress as a normal part of our daily lives. For example, a job interview triggers feelings of anxiety in most people. This type of anxity grally srvs s wll• makig sr we are on top of our game and providing that little bit of extra attention to detail we need to show off our best. These feelings are brief and go away when the interview
The Power of Prayer BY REV. KELLY CRENSHAW On Wednesday evening, New Light MCC regularly holds Bible study. The lights are dim throughout most of the church. The group gathers in the kitchen to discuss the week’s worship focus. The conversation is lively. The group is diverse. It is a good time to discuss our differences of opinion and share our personal stories of faith. But, last week, it was a different scene. Last week, the world changed for our community. Forty-nine of our brothers and sisters were killed. Fifty-three were injured. It was a singl horri c vt that chagd th way w viewed everything. And, the church responded. Our pastors, Rev. Sherry Miller and Rev. Kelly Crenshaw, realized that, although prayer vigils were being held in Frederick and other nearby communities, nothing was planned for Hagerstown. So, they planned something. We gathered with the greater LGBTQA community in our sanctuary for a time of prayer. The room was packed to capacity. Tars owd as w rmmbrd thos impacted. A bell rang once for each death. The
sound seemed to go on forever. And, we lit candles to show our solidarity with those who were grieving, the greater Orlando community and our LGBTQA brothers and sisters everywhere. Eventually, we took those candles onto the sidewalk to proclaim our support to the greater Hagerstown community and to “shine our light to the world.” It is times of tragedy when the church is able to minister to the community at large. The older members talked about how they felt as young people, sneaking into the clubs, hoping they wouldn’t be seen. They talked about how they felt, sneaking into the clubs as young people. They were afraid of being recognized, maybe even attacked. But, as one man said, they never worried about someone coming into the club and mowing them down. They expressed concern about the younger generation of LGBTQ folks who haven’t experienced this level of discrimination. They discussed ways to reach out to them. This is the ministry of the church. We want it to be a safe place, where people can be themselves, without fear of discrimination or hatred. And, when tragedy hits, we want it to be a place where we can cry together, prayer together and eventually, heal together. Be safe. t
is over. Likewise, stress, your body’s response to a threat or demand, is also a fundamental part of daily life. When you are cut off in traffic or you have an argument with a friend your body responds the same way it would if you were facing a physical threat such as a lion on the savanna. A wave of adrenaline is released which raises your heart rate and sends blood coursing to your arms and legs preparing you for “flight or fight.” Usually once the situation has resolved, your adrenalin level returns to normal and your pulse returns to normal. Sometimes it’s not that easy. Our bodies stay in a state of alert. The situation is over but our body is not letting it go. Your Head: An Owner s Manual Understanding and Overcoming Depression, Anxiety and Stress (Menshealthnetwork.org/library/ ownersmanual.pdf) is an excellent resource for ways to reduce the effects of stress and anxiety and to determine when it’s the right time to call for professional help. Some of the many suggestions they offer to cope with stress and anxiety are: • Exercise – Anything that raises your heart rate will do – basketball, running, walking, yoga, cycling. • Have fun – Do things you truly enjoy doing. • Relax – Spend time with people you are comfortable around. • Breathe – Sit or lie down in a comfortable place. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing, making your belly – not your chest – rise and fall. In, out, in, out. Inhale for five seconds, hold for one, exhale for five, hold for one, and so on. • Get plenty of sleep – Six – and not more than eight – hours a night. • Eat well – a variety of well-balanced foods that meet your nutritional needs. • Reduce caffeine – no more than three caffeinated drinks daily (if you’re drinking more than that be sure to reduce your intake slowly). Determining when to reach out for professional help involves taking an honest look at how stress and anxiety are effecting your daily life. Are you limiting activities you would normally enjoy because of worry or fear? Are you experiencing symptoms such as mood swings, irritability, high blood pressure? Your Head: An Owner s Manual has an extensive list of symptoms and clues to help determine if now is the time to ask for help. Check it out. t Liz Thompson, MSW, has been a case manager at the Frederick County Health Department for over seven years.
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DINING OUT
Finger’s Food
Richard Finger
Subcontinental Delight Akbar Restaurant 823 North Charles Street, Baltimore 410-539-0944 Akbar-restaurant.com My son, a vegan, and I were determined to find a restaurant where there would be plenty of options for the both of us. After much deliberation, we agreed to try Akbar. Serving fine Indian cuisine, Akbar has been a Mount Vernon mainstay for over 30 years. We walked in for dinner on a Sunday evening, and were warmly greeted upon our arrival. We were seated at a table for two towards the back. We noted the cozy atmosphere is the dining room, as well as the tasteful decorations. My son had visited India in 2012, the decor reminded him of this trip, which lead to some conversation, which revealed details of his excursion that I hadn’t heard before. Once seated, our server brought us menus and a basket of chips along with dipping sauces. Sure, the chips reminded me of Tostitos, but they sure did have a different, spicier taste. I couldn’t exactly tell what the dipping sauces were, but all had unique flavors, none of which were unpleasant. Perusing the menu, there were so many delicious-sounding items to select from. At surrounding tables, we noticed that main dishes were quite large, so we opted not to order any appetizers. However, for those interested, some of the selections were; Aloo Tikki, curry leaf flavored potato pancakes ($5.50), Chicken Nan or Keema Nan, Nan bread stuffed with ground chick-
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en or lamb and spices ($4.50), and Meat Samosa, crisp spice patties with ground lamb stuffing, ($4.50); and of course, many more to choose from. For dinner, I selected the Chicken Jalfreji, boneless chicken cooked in butter with garden vegetables ($15.95), which my son selected the Vegetable Biryani, saffron rice blended with garden fresh vegetables and nuts ($13.95). A word of caution for vegans out there, although not stated as an ingredient in the vegetable dish, it contained cheese. Our wait staff was very understanding of this dietary need, and replaced the dish without cheese in a matter of minutes without hassle. The chicken dish came with a plate of white rice. Both meals were of ample portion, and I think we were right to not order an appetizer to start with. I truly enjoyed the chicken dish, as I found it not too spicy, and bursting with savory flavors. The white rice did a nice job absorbing the butter sauce, and added to the enjoyment of the meal. My son made like a hoover and left not a spec on his plate. He also thoroughly enjoyed his meal, and remarked how he hadn’t had an Indian meal in America that tasted so authentic. Akbar Restaurant offers many main entrée selections from Tandoori Specialties, ranging from $15.95 (chicken) to $19.95 (mixed grill); chicken specialties, ranging from $15.95 for most Curries to $16.95 shoo worries meals (Chicken Dhaba); lamb specialties ranging from $17.95; rice specialties ranging from $12.95; and seafood specialties ranging from $15.95 for an assortment of shrimp dishes, to $25.95 for the Lobster Malai Khasa. There’s enough variety for anyone to find something to his or her liking. Just when seated, I had indicated on my Facebook profile that I was eating dinner at Akbar Restaurant. In just a matter of minutes, I had a few friends “like” or add a favorable comment. If this is indication of the positive reputation of Akbar by patrons past, I am certain that an enjoyable meal will be had if you decide to try it. As advertised on their website, the atmosphere, the smell of fragrant spices, and the quality of the food is sure to win you over. Akbar not only offers a full dinner menu, but also a moderately priced lunch buffet. t
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QUALITY OF LIFE
Violet’s Vet
Dr. Tony Calo
Connor’s Path to Animal Lover Connor and I continued our conversation about his path to animal lover and animal advocate. Based on how the conversation was going, it was obvious that Daisy was his first canine friend. She started by being his running companion, his confidant when he needed to complain about Jake, and ultimately, she became his first dog. They love each other. Daisy allowed Connor to realize that dogs offer the unconditional love that we as humans want and can often only find from our non-human friends. It was becoming clear that we found his inner animal lover. This then led to our conversation around the namesake of this column. I asked Connor, “When did things cross from being alright living with animals from wanting another member of our tribe? I clearly remember one day you coming to me and saying that you wanted a little dog. How did that happen?” Connor’s answer was quick and concise. He said, “I want-
ed a dog I could carry around.” I pushed him further on this. “I had absolutely fallen in love with Daisy, but I wanted to have a pocket dog. I was focused on a Chihuahua. I really wanted a dog that would stay puppy-sized forever and that I could carry around in a purse. I also knew that we didn’t have room for a third big dog. That was the practiConnor s a convert! cal part of it.” I remember always being on the lookout for a Chihuahua for Connor. In my line of work, there are occasions when a dog down on his or her luck crosses my path. This could be in the form of a stray being dropped off at the hospital or someone that surrenders a dog because they no longer want or can care for the pet. Plus, a lot of people that work in veterinary medicine are also involved in animal rescue. Unfortunately, there is always a plethora of dogs in need. So I was on the lookout. I was excited that Connor had fallen into the fold of animal lover and I knew that I wanted his first dog to be special. After several months of waiting and looking, an 11-month old female French Bulldog showed at work. She was one of the cutest things I had even seen. (This speaks volumes to her cuteness as I have a huge base of comparison having worked with animals from the time I was 14 years old.) I fell in love in seconds. She wasn’t a Chihuahua, but she was much smaller than Jake and Daisy, she could be carried (although not in a purse), and she was incredibly sweet and funny. I was pretty sure that she was “the one.” I took a picture of this small blonde Frenchie and texted it to Connor with a brief message that said “She needs a home.” Within seconds Connor called me and said to bring her home immediately. It was in that way that Violet came to live with us. Of course, my next questions was, what
did you think of her when you first met her? Connor’s reply was exactly what I was expecting. “You know the answer to that,” he tells me. “It was love at first sight. I had never seen something so beautiful and so funny and so stubborn. She was my canine soul mate.”
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“What has it meant to you to have her join our family?” I asked reminding him that Violet was our first “together” dog. (Henry was our second.) Connor simply stated “She makes me laugh harder than anything else in this world. She brings us joy every minute of every day.” I asked him to explain further. “I can’t imagine not coming home to these dogs. We are the most important thing in the world to them, so how could they not be the most important thing in the world to us? She fits us. She loves us, she loves Daisy, and she keeps Henry in line. We would all be lost without her.” When he said this, an incident came to
mind. It is not a pleasant memory but it led to my next question. “One of the few times I have actually seen you cry (Connor is not a crier and in eight years, I have seen him cry exactly three times), was when Violet was in the intensive care unit for over a week. I remember that one of those days, it looked really bad and that we may lose her. I called you and told you to come to the hospital to say goodbye in case she did not make it overnight. You came in and held her and cried. What was that like for you?” Connor became quiet as he put together his thoughts. I could tell this was an uncomfortable question. I waited as he thought. He then carefully spoke. “It was a terrible moment for me as I tried to comfort her and to comfort myself. I could not imagine our lives without her funny face and loving nature. I would have been devastated if we had lost her. I was devastated at even the prospect of that happening. I feel completely blessed that she had the best care and that she ended up coming home happy and eventually healthy. I thank you for not only bringing her to our lives but for keeping her there.” It was at this point that Connor kissed me and then kissed Violet and we snuggled up with our pack of dogs. t Please e-mail your stories and questions to violetsvet@baltimoreoutloud.com.
She s Ivy league!
Violet’s New Friends Hey, there! I’m Ivy! Here at BHS you can find me in the play yard with my doggy friends or going on long walks with some of my favorite volunteers and staff members. I’m a lot of fun to be around once I come out of my shell. I will admit, I can be a little shy at first, but don’t let that discourage you! Once I warm up, I will give you
endless hugs and kisses. I’m a total love bug. In my previous home, I lived with other dogs, too. I’m a sweet, loving lady who just needs someone to take their time with me. Trust me, it won’t take long to fall in love with me! Please stop by and ask for Ivy. The adoption fee is $100 for Ivy. For more information, visit Bmorehumane. org. t
I’m a total love bug. In my previous home, I lived with other dogs, too.
QUALITY OF LIFE // LYNDA DOES THE LAW
We Are Married Now! BY LYNDA DEE Marriage equality for same-sex couples became the law of the land in Maryland on January 1st, 2013, and across the country after the US Supreme Court decision in the case of Obergefell v. Hodges on June 26th, 2015. But there are many important reasons why married couples still need legally recognized, properly executed Maryland wills, powers of attorney, and advance health care directives. The requirements for these documents vary from state to state. You must be sure you are executing documents that are legal in Maryland. Even if you are married or have a partner and neither you nor your spouse or partner suffers from a life-threatening illness, it is nevertheless important to have your legal affairs in order. For example, if you are legally married and one spouse who has children dies without a will, it will be necessary for the surviving spouse to get signed consents from the adult children of the deceased spouse before the surviving spouse will be named as “personal representative” (executor) of the deceased spouse’s estate. Even if you are married, you will need signed consents before you will be able to receive authorization from the Register of Wills to begin administering the estate and having access to the assets of the estate. If you want your spouse to have control of your estate without needing to obtain signed consents from adult children, you need a will naming your spouse as personal representative. If you are married and die without a will and have no children, your spouse is only titld to th rst $15,000 of yor stat and 50% of the remaining balance. Your parents are entitled to receive the remaining proceeds of your estate under Maryland law. If you die without a will and have a spouse and children who are not minors, yor spos is oly titld to th rst $15,000 of your estate and 50% of the remaining balance. Your children who are over 18 years old are entitled to receive the remainder of your estate under Maryland law. If you die without a will and have a spouse and minor children, your spouse and minor children are required to share equally in your estate under Maryland law. If you want your spouse to receive more than the amounts described above, you need to make such provisions in a will. If same-sex couples are not married and do not have wills, their rights with respect to each other’s estates are essen-
Do we still need wills, financial powers of attorney and advance health care directives?
tially non-existent. The need for a will in these instances is even more crucial. During my years as an attorney, I have heard many horror stories from unprotected partners who lost all rights to their partner’s estate even if they contributed toward house payments, or were not permitted to care for or even visit their partners, being left out in the cold completely when family members came in and took over. Maryland’s new marriage equality law does nothing to permit a spouse to access their spouse’s bank accounts or any other acial accots lss thy ar titld i joint names. If your spouse or partner is alive but incapacitated, you will not be able to obtain any information or access their accounts or other assets if they are titled in their individual name. No one, not even a spouse, can access these accounts. You will need a Maryland power of attorney in order to gain access to individually titled accounts to be able to pay medical bills and other expenses. You also need to be sure your power of attorney is current as the Maryland law regarding the format and necessary formalities were revised as of October 1st, 2010. Marriage provides you some protection regarding the ability to make health care decisions for your spouse in non-contested situations. Maryland also recognizes both advance health care directives and domestic partnership agreements for unmarried couples. It is even more important for non-married same sex couples to be prepared for emergency medical situations. If couples are not married, they will have absolutely no rights to make health care and end of life decisions for their partners without the proper documents. A Marylad domstic partrship af davit will ensure your partner can make your health care decisions and receive priority in visitation. An advance directive for health care will ensure that your spouse or your partner can make your health care and end of life decisions, will have priority in visitation and be able to accompany you in an ambulance if cssary. It will also sr that yor al wishes are actually controlled by your designated agent, whether it be your spouse or your partner and not your parents or children. An advance directive for health care also spci cally sts forth yor d-of-lif dci-
sions so that there is no mistake about your al wishs rgardig th admiistratio of extraordinary measures, such as respirators or other life-extending procedures like tube feeding. Even if you are married, your family may intervene to prevent your spouse from making your end of life decisions and to permit you to die naturally unless the proper documents have been executed. We all remember the terrible Terri Schiavo case where hr parts ld sit to stop hr hsbad from making end of life decisions for his wife. You will need the following information in order to prepare your wills, powers of attorney, and advance directives for health care: Wills • Spcial fral ad/or brial arragments, including cremation • nam of yor rst ad scod choic for personal representative (executor) • nam of yor rst ad scod choic for guardian if you have minor children • Popl to whom yo wold lik to distribute your assets after death, including, but ot limitd to spci c rqsts of moy, prsonal, or real property, etc. • Th altrat prso(s) to whom yo wish to leave the remainder of your estate if yor rst choic(s) dos ot srviv yo.
Financial power of attorney • nam of yor dsigatd acial agt and an alternate • nam, addrss, ad mbr of a gardian of your person and property • nams of bak or othr acial istitutions with account numbers for individually titled accounts, including retirement, pension, and stock accounts, etc. • Addrsss of ay ral proprty that yo own. Advance directive for health care • nam, addrss, hom, ad cll mbers of your designated agent • nam, addrss, hom, ad cll mbers of a second or third alternate • Dcisios abot orga ad tiss doation or whether you would like to donate all or parts of your body to science. Not many of us enjoy discussing the possibility of sickness or death. But ignoring or denying these eventualities may only cause more problems if an emergency arises. Leaving important legal affairs unattended even if you are married will only make matters worse during high-anxiety situations. Don’t wait until it is too late. Leaving important end of life legal matters unattended will only make a bad situation even worse. t
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QUALITY OF LIFE
Tech
Talk
David Sugar
Laptops for Education If you’re a parent, one of the decisions you need to make is when to and what type of computer to get your child. These days with more middle and high schools moving to a bring-your-own-device system, you’re probably looking at purchasing your child multiple laptops over time. Often the requirement to get a laptop comes at the start of high school. Since this is a major investment my first suggestion is do not buy a used laptop or expect an older laptop to work throughout their time in high school. My rule of thumb is purchase a computer with the expectation that the computer will need to be replaced in roughly five years. This should mean that you will purchase them their first computer at the start of high school and then between their senior year and start of college you will look for a computer that will last them throughout college. So what type of computer or device do you want to purchase your child? My first suggestion is make sure that there is at least some room for upgrading. Whether this means purchasing more memory
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down the road or a larger hard drive to allow more storage capacity the option to upgrade the computer and extend the useful life is important. My suggestion is stay away from non-upgradable devices such as iPads or the Microsoft Surface, which are also limited in their functionality. As cheap and appealing is the Chromebook, also stay away. While Chromebooks may be cheap, without an Internet connection they’re useless; a Chromebook is basically a computer running the Chrome web browser. This also means you can’t install software such as Microsoft Office. My final suggestion would be to make sure that the computer has both wireless and hardwired network connections built in. While wireless connectivity allows mobility it can be limited at times and the option to ethernet the computer can be very useful (functionality that can be supplied by an external USB adapter if there’s no dedicated ethernet port). Finally, where should you purchase the computer? Should it be from a store such as Best Buy or Microcenter? Should you purchase the computer online? First this will come down to cost but shop around and do your research. Many schools and colleges also have computer purchase programs where they provide suggested computers through a vendor they work with. This definitely can help narrow down your choices. If you can try out a computer or see a computer in person that is also very helpful since laptops come in all different sizes and you will want to make sure your child is comfortable with using the laptop through high school or college. t Please send me your questions at outloudtech@gmail.com.
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LEATHER LINE
Leather
Line
Rodney Burger
I Want to Go Back! When it was announced on May 19th that the Baltimore City Board of Liquor License Commissioners had voted to close The Drinkery, a gay bar in Baltimore that had been around for 44 years, I felt that another part of my world had slipped away. After the closing of the Club Hippo and Jay’s on Read all in the last 12 months, I couldn’t fathom the loss of another one of my hangouts. Oh I know. The Drinkery is just an old, rundown dive bar that will never be Zagat rated – but I’ve been stopping in for a cold beer with friends ever since I moved to Baltimore in 1984. You know you are getting old when you utter, “When I was you age…” or when you keep dying your hair but still end up with more roots than Alex Haley – but the LGBT community in Baltimore in 1984 seemed huge. There were lots of bars and they were packed every night. In 1984 I couldn’t go online and google “Gay btars in Baltimore.” I couldn’t whip out my smartphone and MapQuest directions. And God knows tourist maps didn’t list gay bars. I had to d thm o my ow. During the summer of 1983 I had worked in Ocean City as a security guard in a large condominium. I spent lots of free time in Rehoboth Beach. I had heard that there was a large gay disco in Baltimore called the Club Hippo, but didn’t have an address. I thought I had found it one evening when I spotted a larg strctr with ashig o plastrd across it. Th bildig had ashig o
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words attached to it that read “silence” and “violence.” It turned out to be the Baltimore Museum of Art! Fortunately while in Ocean City I had also met a gay couple who owned a condo in the building where I worked. They were from Baltimore and said that I should look them up if I ever came to town and they would show me around. I called them and they offered to take me out for dinner and a few drinks. When we pulled up in front of this rather forlorn looking building for dinner I had reservations. My friends explained that it was a gay bar and restaurant. They were quick to add that we were not going to spend much time in the bar, but the restaurant was famous for Maryland fried chicken. The restaurant was in the front of the building and one only had to quickly squeeze through a little bit of the bar to get to it. We opened the door and walked into a sea of hot men in leather. The room smelled of smoke, sweat, and cowhide. I thought I had walked into my Village People wet dream. After dinner my friends took me to Club Hippo and a few other gay bars, but I couldn’t wait to return to the Galley One Bar (1735 Maryland Avenue). I was working as a prison guard on the night shift in those days and was living in the suburbs. On Sunday I would dress in my uniform for work and come downtown early for happy hour at The Gallery. People probably thought: He wears that the same tired uniform every time he comes in here. I was on my way to work and where else but a leather bar wold a gy i a priso gard iform t right in? Someteims my schedule gave me four ights off, ad th rst ight wold b a Monday. Who wants to go out to a bar on a Monday? After seven nights of working in a jail – I did! I would usually end up heading downtown to a row of gay bars on Boston Street. I knew that they would be fun, even on a Monday night. There were two dance clubs and a cruise bar. The bar was called Frankie & Ronnie’s (at 2218 Boston Street – which later became The Unicorn). The two dance
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I worked downtown and when I was off work I came downtown – so why not move downtown? In 1986 I rented an apartment at 220 East Cross Street and in 1988 bought a house in Canton. I paid $58,000 for my house and people thought I was crazy – but it had an extra lot that I had a deck built on and of course an outside bar. I could now walk to The Unicorn, Numbers, and Masquerade. Plus there was a gay bar at 641 South Montford called the Old Oak Tavern. clubs were called Masquerade and Numbers. (It had previously been a gay bar called Stars Both had a $5 cover which included open bar! & Stripes.) There were even two lesbian bars I always went to Masquerade because for in the neighborhood: Carol’s Crow’s Nest and some reason I though Numbers was sleazy – Buckley’s. Imagine six gay bars just in Canton although they were probably about the same. alone. (As Canton became more and more If you didn’t meet anyone at the Masquerade, yuppie central, the gay bars were bought up. you could always hit last call at The Unicorn The owner of The Unicorn sold his bar and where the music wasn’t so loud and you could opened The Quest in Highlandtown.) hold a conversation. If you were lucky you But no Baltimore bar changed my life could take your new friend a few doors down more than The Gallery. This was my introto the Sip and Bite for breakfast. duction into the leather community. The I also discovered a bar in Waverly that ShipMats, Baltimor’s rst lathr clb, was was closer to home than Canton. It was at 511 started there in 1974 and held their bar nights Gorsuch and was called The Port Hole. Lots there. For a very short time there was even a of gay people lived in the Victorian houses on leather store next door. I stopped in one night Gorsuch Avenue in the 1980s and it was a fun with a friend who was buying some poppers neighborhood bar. It had a small restaurant, a – hey, those video heads weren’t going to large downstairs bar, and a small upstairs bar clean themselves! – and while I was waiting, called The Crow’s Nest. I remember drink- I sigd p for thir rst aivrsary raf . I ing beer upstairs in won a leather biker jacket! 1985 when hurricane I turned out to be their only Gloria was passing anniversary winner. They through Baltimore. also had a video section and As the building was people paid for annual memshaking some queen berships. Those folks were kept playing Laura not happy when the store Branigan’s song “Gloquickly closed. ria” over and over on The leather communithe jukebox. I also rety thought we had made it member sitting at the in 1991 when the Baltimore downstairs bar once The Gallery: Where the author rst Eagle opened. The leathencountered the leather community when a small boy r commity ockd thr opened the front door and it became the setting for and tossed a beer bottle into the bar striking countless events and leather contest. In fact my friend Allen upside the head. He threw it I had the honor of producing the last two Mr. and ran so we didn’t catch him. I learned not and Ms. Baltimore Eagle Contests and the to sit by the front door. I continued to go there last Saturday night it was open the place was years later when it was remodeled and be- packed for the ShipMates’ Daddy Christmas came known as Zippers. fundraiser. What is now the dance club side of Grand They say that everything changes and that Central was a gay Country-Western bar years you can’t go home again – but I can’t tell you ago called Stagecoach. I took line dance les- how happy I was to return to The Drinkery on sons there. I also spent lots of time at 1101 Sunday, June 5th to toast the bar’s reopenCathedral Street. When I arrived in Baltimore ing with a cold beer. The place was packed. it was the location of an upscale piano bar I thought I would never walk in there again. calld Mary’s, with big oral arragmts. Even more exciting was walking into the BalIt later became a dance club called Allegro timore Eagle on June 15th for a little sneak and after that a fun place called The Phoenix. preview tour. They still have lots of work to do Later The Phoenix would relocate to 1 West but the new Baltimore Eagle is going to be fanBiddle Street. tastic. You will be hearing all the details soon. I quickly got tired of living in the suburbs. I’m excited. I really want to go back! t Those were the days my friend!
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