New Arrivals for Preschool Families

Mrs Karen Humphreys

Preschool Coordinator 2021 will see the arrival of seven new siblings for some of our Preschool boys. Whilst new arrivals to families can be a joyous occasion (and a little bit exhausting!), it can also be a cause of distress to siblings, especially Preschool age. Younger children are more likely to regress when a new baby arrives. For example, it is common for children who are newly toilet trained to wet their beds with the arrival of a new baby. They may exhibit signs of aggression, anger, and jealousy because their need for time and closeness is still great. Slightly older children, on the other hand, may understand things in a more sophisticated way but may have deep feelings of envy and jealousy. Their idyllic world has been disrupted. They are no longer the absolutely only object of their parents' love and attention. Eventually, with love and support from significant adults, they realise, that hope as they might, this new baby is here to stay and they adjust accordingly.

How to prepare for a new arrival

It is important to prepare a child for the arrival of a new sibling. Explaining that a new baby is on the way is the first step in preparation. Some parents will only tell their child about a new baby once Mum visibly shows their maternity. However, you certainly don’t want a child to find out about a new baby from their playmate’s mummy or from another relative, like a grandparent. Naturally, what you say to your child depends on the child’s age and developmental level. Some younger children may ask where the baby comes from. You may answer concretely, especially when they see Mummy’s tummy growing. With younger children, try to answer as directly as possible, “from Mummy’s tummy; when she comes home from the hospital,” but don’t offer too much information unless they ask. Children may get more confused with too much information that is difficult for them to understand. Sometimes, it is helpful when you show children pictures of when their Mummy was pregnant with them, and pictures of them as newborns and as babies or toddlers. If the child is older, you can share their own birth story and you can read books about having a baby. Some younger children do not have a good sense of time, so telling them that the baby is coming in five months may not be meaningful. Rather, you can say that the new baby is coming in the summer or by a particular holiday. Including your child in the preparation for the new baby can also be a good transition. For example, choosing items for the nursery.

When a new baby arrives, it may be helpful for the new baby to be referred to as “our baby.” This baby has entered into your special group, and you want the older sibling to embrace them as one of you. You also want the older sibling to feel that he/she is a participant in this new and exciting experience. Let them be involved with taking care of the baby; of course, the help that they provide depends on their age and ability. A younger child can be told that they now have a new playmate and that they are now the big brother or sister, while an older child may serve as more of a helper. You may choose a special gift for the older sibling; this can complement the gifts the new baby will be receiving. Perhaps most important, time must be set aside for the older sibling. Children can benefit from as little as 10-15 minutes a day of “special time just for them.” This sends a message that despite a new baby at home and all the excitement and all the time spent caring for this new baby, the older sibling is still very important and deserves some private time. It is important that if they express negative feelings, acknowledge them. Never deny or discount your child’s feelings.

To support the transition of having a new sibling whilst in Preschool, we have purchased some books for the boys to give as a present to their new baby. Each book includes a book plate where the big brother can write his name and he can also choose to wrap the book. So far, we have had very positive feedback from the parents and the boys have loved “reading” the books to their new siblings.

Thank you for the kind wishes and congratulations we received from the preschool and class PS after our girls’ arrival. As this has been a big life change for Levi it has meant a lot that he’s felt so included and proud to be a big brother since they have arrived. He loves reading them their special book every night and showing me his name, he wrote on the card we received. Thank you for the gorgeous book for Harvey’s little sister. She loves reading already