BANG! 12.08.2010 by BANG!

DEC 08 2010 FREE

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR 385-B W. 2nd Ave., Eugene, OR 97401 editor@bangpaper.com

thanks for the bigfoot gym

Thanks to Dante Zúñiga-West and BANG! for publishing your article about Ciara Irvine, Mike Walrath, and the Big Foot Gym. I trained at the gym off-and-on between the ages of 16 and 23, and I can easily say that Muay Thai teacher Mike Walrath is among the people who were the most influential to me during my adolescence. I believe countless others would say the same. Ajarn Mike is a great teacher and just an all around great person. His kickboxing school has always been part dirty, dumpy, run-down club for aspiring fighters straight out of a movie, and part social service. Over the years, many people from different walks of life—recovering addicts, "at-risk" youth, Latino immigrants, students, working class people—have sought refuge at the gym to get away from the stresses of daily life. Big Foot Gym is a small Eugene institution, not fundamentally dissimilar to the WOW Hall, Saturday Market, White Bird Clinic, or other places people associate with Eugene, Oregon. It is one of Eugene's obscure treasures. Thanks again for your article. Brenton Gicker Eugene

Volume I, number 7 BANGIN' IT OUT EVERY OTHER HUMPDAY

CONTENT. NEWS FASHION EATS ARTS NEWS? MUSIC HOROSCOPES

3 6 6 9 12 13 15

Missives from the Bangery Ho Ho No… We made it to December. If you can stomach the twenty-four hour Christmas songs for the next two weeks and get past the longest, darkest days of the year, you’ll be in the clear, hopefully celebrating your way into the New Year. BANG! GANG MANAGING EDITOR

ART DIRECTOR

ARTS EDITOR

NEWS EDITOR

BRONWYNN MANAOIS

STEVEN WEEKS

SEAN ÄABERG

DANTE ZÚÑIGA-WEST

MUSIC EDITOR

ARTHUR CONRAD SALES AND MARKETING

MARK SULLIVAN

CONTRIBUTORS

KATIE ÄABERG, IAN AXE, ALLISON DITSON, COLLIN GERBER, STEPHANIE HARDING, AMELIA HART, MEGAN HINKEL, JOSIAH MANKOFSKY, RYAn nYburg, RICHARD D. OWENS, tim shaw, TIM SULLIVAN, MARC TIME, JASUN WELLMAN BANG PAPER 385 W. 2nd Ave. Eugene, OR 97401

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ADVERTISING INFORMATION ads@bangpaper.com (541) 337-3926 GENERAL INQUIRIES editor@bangpaper.com BANG! is proudly delivered by CETMA Cargo Bikes www.cetmacargo.com Printed by Western Oregon Web Press, Albany, OR © 2010 BANG Paper, LLC. The content herein may not be reprinted in part or in whole without the written consent of the publisher. We are actually astro-chimps with telescopic brains.

Here at the Bangery, it would appear we have a lot to celebrate. We made it to issue 7. Had a brief stint as a Weekly feature. Your praises, hopes and fears have been pouring in, keeping the dream alive. Our movie deal is in the final stages of negotiations. Tiger paste is available on the open market. 2011 will start off with a BANG! as Arts Editor, Sean Äaberg, opens his show at the Voyeur during the NYE Last Friday Artwalk. BANG! staff will also be appearing in Boozeweek’s calendar, be sure to grab yours fast so you can laugh with your friends and neighbors. We’ll be making our own resolutions, promising to not get stale. Look forward to something bold and refreshing from us. As you cruise through this season of cheer, keep an eye on things that matter: Warmth, light, rock n roll, holiday cocktails, and your favorite local newszine (we take checks!) Have you been naughty or nice? Bronwynn, leaning more toward the naughty Drop a bomb on us. EDITOR@BANGPAPER.COM Share us with your friends and family. We make for good dinner conversation. WWW.BANGPAPER.COM

PETITION!

Below you will find the address to an online petition I created in the hope of convincing the UO Department of Intercollegiate Athletics to schedule another Elton John concert in additional to the originally scheduled concert which as you probably known is set for Thursday, February 17. I am proposing that they add a show on Wednesday, February 16 in the wake of the online ticketing fiasco that prevented so many fans from their chance to purchase tickets to the show. Elton John is scheduled to perform back-to-back concerts in Vancouver, B.C., a week or so before the Eugene concert, which demonstrates that he is willing to perform multiple shows in the same venue if there is adequate fan interest. There are currently no events scheduled at the Matthew Knight Arena on Wednesday, February 16. www.petitiononline.com/ej21611/petition.html Mister Ooh-La-La (Yes, that is my legal name) Faux Show Productions

EVERY OTHER WEDNESDAY NEWS BRIEFS

Thursday 11/25

Thanks for the wild turkey and the passenger pigeons, destined to be shit out through wholesome American guts – thanks for a Continent to despoil and poison – thanks for Indians to provide a modicum of challenge and danger – thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin, leaving the carcass to rot – thanks for bounties on wolves and coyotes – thanks for the AMERICAN DREAM to vulgarize and falsify until the bare lies shine through – thanks for the KKK, for nigger-killing lawmen feeling their notches, for decent church-going women with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces – thanks for “Kill a Queer for Christ” stickers – thanks for laboratory AIDS – thanks for Prohibition and the War Against Drugs – thanks for a country where nobody is allowed to mind his own business – thanks for a nation of finks—yes, thanks for all the memories… all right, let’s see your arms…you always were a headache and you always were a bore – thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams. —William Burroughs

Friday 11/26

We’re only a day removed from Thanksgiving, and Portlanders still have plenty to be thankful for, as a plot to set off a car bomb at the Pioneer Square tree lighting ceremony is foiled. Authorities arrested the brilliant mastermind behind the plot, nineteen year-old former OSU student Mohamed Osman Mohamud, but are still attempting to locate Mohamud’s co-conspirators, a shadowy, apparently homegrown terror group known only by the acronym of “FBI.” The US government has charged it was this mysterious FBI that, working at Mohamud’s behest, designed the attack, supplied the funding, scouted locations, and assembled the explosive materials before building the bomb itself. Unlike the remote wilderness hideouts of al-Qaeda in Northern Pakistan, the FBI is believed to concentrate itself in urban areas around the US, adopting local customs and cultures in an attempt to blend in with the crowd. The group is implicated in a number of disrupted terror plots, linked to the recent attempt to bomb the Washington D.C. subway, as well as the Sears Tower bomb plot, hatched for the infamous Liberty City Seven in 2006. The Department of Defense released a videotape purporting to be a claim of responsibility from the FBI for the Portland attack, along with a stunningly candid offering of the organization’s goals. The videotape shows a menacing figure, alleged to be FBI ringleader Ali Robert el al-Mueller outlining plans to attack Americans’ rights to freely and privately go about their lives, and laughing about his abilities to

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a sad truth that Leslie Nielsen no longer walks this earth, but the truth hurts...maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts. Farewell, Lt. Drebin.

Tuesday 11/30

exploit American fears of terrorism. “We are continuing this policy of bleeding America to the point of bankruptcy...like we bled Russia for ten years until it went bankrupt and was forced to withdraw in defeat.” Citing the need for vigilance, security and distraction, Congress immediately awarded $65 billion in no-bid contracts to install security cameras at every intersection in the country, hire 5,000 new counterterrorism specialists, and keep Dancing With The Stars on the air through 2018.

Sunday 11/28

Diplomats representing the Stars and Stripes are a little red-faced, white and blue today, as constant thorn Wikileaks unloads yet another huge trove of secret US government documents, this time in the form of a quarter million cables sent by US diplomats and State Department officials. The release has sparked a veritable storm of politicians pulling out their own hair and issuing fatwa’s on Wikileaks founder Julian Assange. Curiously absent from the conversation, however, is any substantive mention of the content of the cables themselves, and though they do provide some damning glimpses, they offer few surprises to anyone who’s been paying attention. Several countries around the world have blocked their citizens from accessing the leaks, notably Saudi Arabia and China, and here at home, Senator Joseph Lieberman (D – Ouchebag) suggests we should follow their lead, pressuring two US companies to drop WikiLeaks materials from their servers and calling for legislation to allow the government to decide what you can and cannot read on the internet. At the very same time, public and private Pentagon whores are calling for expanded government surveillance capabilities to streamline the processes of tracking your browsing habits and transferring your money into the accounts of private defense contractors. If you’re the kind of person who hates positive returns on tax dollars, and loved Facebook’s recently unveiled privacy agreement, then these guys are going to knock you off of your feet (and right on down to your knees...)

Monday 11/29

In this short life of ours, you take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street, or sticking your face in a fan. Some guys make shoelaces, others lay sod, some make a very good living neutering animals, and Leslie Nielsen took a chance in Hollywood. The esteemed actor passed yesterday due to complications from pneumonia in a Ft. Lauderdale hospital, which is a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now. Nielsen rose to unexpected stardom on the back of Airplane! and the Naked Gun series, giving the world a seemingly whole new kind of deadpan comedy that only he could produce: the ability to be rip-roaringly hilarious while not actually saying anything funny. It’s

The presidential deficit commission is set to vote this week on the final version of their long-awaited report, detailing the recommended steps to be taken in order to tighten our belts and reduce the national deficit. The commission, charged with the task of returning federal solvency to more respectable levels, decided instead to pick up a cleaver and just hack away, decidedly focusing on the middle and lower parts while America’s top earners are saved from the slashing of anything but their tax rates. To make up for all the government revenue lost to Maserati dealerships, the proposal also calls for a fifteen-cent per gallon increase in the federal gas tax to pay for transportation projects, so that all those new Maseratis have smooth roads to drive around on while the rest of us are stuck walking because the bus only runs two days a week due to budget cuts. The most brilliant aspect of the deficit commission’s report is that it will actually increase the deficit. The increased tax burden on middle and lower class Americans gives way to a drop in consumer spending, causing a decrease in private profits that in turn lowers the demand for employees, giving way to an even tighter job market with more unemployed people, meaning less tax revenue, which means more cuts, and the cycle starts again. In perhaps the most disappointing of all the recommended austerity measures, the commission advised cutting out government funding for commercial space flight, thus putting a damper on long time Bang! Gang plans to blast off from this godforsaken rock before 2012 hits. Update: The proposal failed to pass out of the commission and into Congress, falling three votes short of the fourteen vote threshold, prompting Americans everywhere to mutter something about another “big fucking waste of our time.”

Saturday 11/27

One of the most chilling aspects of the great Irish Potato Famine was the English practice of taking what little food was left for the poor paddies, and shipping it back to England to serve as space filler in the cellars of aristocrats. Now jump ahead and transfer that lesson to today, when the children of the Emerald Isle are hit with a sense of déjà vu as big as the Cliffs of Moher, facing a decidedly more modern but equally brutal method of taking from the mouths of the hungry to fatten the stores of the already-haves. In the latest installment of Erin Go Broke, the role of England is being portrayed by the International Monetary Fund and European Union, as Irish leaders recently accepted a massive financial bailout to the tune of roughly $100 billion in order to prop up the country’s once model economy. The causes of Ireland’s financial doom are eerily similar to what happened here in the US: cheap money led to a frenzied speculative bubble (mostly centered around real estate) and the selfproclaimed smartest people in the country never once considered the possibility that forecasts might not always remain quite so fucking rosy. When the bubble first burst, the Irish government guaranteed the investments of mostly foreign creditors and lenders. The debt became unsustainable, and now the Gaels are set to suffer for the sins of others, facing the prospect of heavy tax increases and severe cuts in services and government programs (sound familiar?) Meanwhile, the grown, consenting adults behind this mess, who surely understand

the concepts of business risk and consequences for poor decision making, are being completely spared from the idea of shared sacrifice, with roughly onethird of the bailout funds going directly to the investors and creditors who helped cause the crisis in the first place, lest they suffer any losses. The EU and the IMF are doing to Ireland what they should be doing to the banks, and you’re fooling yourself if you think that the US is immune to similar problems. Fortunately for you, BANG! has come up with a fail safe, foolproof fiscal planning guide for anyone worried about staying afloat in the modern economy. Individuals interested in receiving a personal copy of Global Insolvency Crises And You: How To BANG! Your Way To Financial Success In Troubled Times, should please send a self-addressed stamped envelope along with one easy payment of $199.95 to the BANG! office. Cash only.

Friday 12/3

BANG! is deeply disturbed by reports today of a “tiger paste” sale in Vietnam. Tiger paste—essentially ground tiger bones—is an expensive traditional medicine and is believed to cure many illnesses, of-

fering further proof that man isn’t as advanced as we thought we were. Think a Southeast Asian version of Viagra. The auction in question is actually being organized by Vietnamese officials, who’ll be selling 2.8 kilos of murdered orange mayhem that was seized from traffickers, which is kind of the same principle as the cops busting your meth stash and then selling it for themselves, though nothing like that would ever happen here...oh, wait. This news comes on the heels of an international wildlife summit last month that warned of extinction for wild tigers within twelve years if current trends continue unabated. Needless to say, we here at the Bangery are seriously distressed by these developments, as they stand to hamper our plans of building a massive, global tiger army, to serve as imposing enforcers of our scheme to bend the masses to our hot as lightning vision of the future.

Saturday 12/4

Clap your hands everybody, if you got what it takes. There’s news on Kurtis Blow, that you oughta know, cause these are the breaks! Breaks on a plane, breaks on a train, breaks to make you go insane. Breaks to win and breaks to lose, but these here breaks make you lose your shoes. Kurtis had a travel plan (that’s the breaks, that’s the breaks) he bought a ticket to Japan. And the TSA said they want to chat, sayin’ “Kurtis, please show us your pocket.” He threw his hands up in the sky, and waved ‘em round from side to side. His body scanned and they found what? A little plastic baggie and a little bit of pot, and these are the breaks! Break it up, break it up, break it up! To the shirts in brown, stop messin’ around (break it up, break it up). To the boys in blue, whatcha gonna do? To the GOP, don’t be so mean; cause the Democrats won’t kick your ass, BREAKDOWN!

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KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THE TRUTH! Contact us with news tips and classified briefings, local and international. editor@bangpaper.com DECEMBER 8, 2010 • BANG!

Ghosts in the machine by Dante Zúñiga-West illustration ian axe

lack Ops. Cover-ups. Scandal. Secret wavelengths in quiet wars of first world superpowers exploiting the globe. Whether valid truth or conspiracy theory, these pseudo tangible fragments of hidden injustice are present in our psyches now, perhaps more than ever. We, as children of, or immigrants to the digital age have become begrudgingly aware of the possibility that somewhere, somehow, the omnipotent tentacles of very powerful, wealthy, corrupt, well-connected (probably geriatric turkeynecked white heterosexual males resembling the living dead, but maybe not, who knows?) people could be skillfully manipulating every aspect of our country and the world we live in. Perhaps they meet at undisclosed locations like privately owned islands in uncharted waters, guarded by the All-American Ex-Special Forces Blackwater Mercenary Dream Team. Could it be that there, they strike bargains with each other in regards to the rise and fall of nations and the advancement of their real agendas? What decisions do these existent or non-existent influential leaders of state and/ or corporations make? Are these decisions or correspondences documented anywhere, and more importantly, how could we the people ever stand up to such a network? It is almost as if those not in the know would need their own network of diligent watchdogs, brave enough and capable of unearthing such information. In 2006, a non-profit media collective named WikiLeaks formed and began to publish otherwise unavailable documents from anonymous sources. The organization claims to have been founded by an international team of journalists, mathematicians, start-up company technologists, and dissidents. They state that their primary interest is in “exposing oppressive regimes in Asia, the former Soviet bloc, Sub-Saharan Africa and the Middle East,” but that they “also expect to be of assistance to people of all regions who wish to reveal unethical behavior in their governments and corporations.” WikiLeaks is quite the force to be reckoned with. They just made such an impact that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was forced to acknowledge their recent work in a not so confidential way: “We condemn in the strongest terms the unauthorized disclosure of classified documents and sensitive national security information.” Days ago, WikiLeaks released a virtual avalanche of confidential American diplomatic documents (also referred to as ‘cables’.) By avalanche, we are talking about a quarter million of these documents, some of which were written as recently as February 2010. These documents display what could be considered the real face of American diplomacy in regards to the international community. How the United States feels about Pakistan’s nuclear capability, North Korea’s stability as a nation, and the potential emptying of the infamous Guantanamo Bay Prison, is all out on the table now as a result of the folks from WikiLeaks. WikiLeaks, previously hosted by Amazon Web Services, was put out to pasture by their host on Thursday, December 2, after “alleged” pressure placed upon Amazon by an “alleged” 4

BANG! • DECEMBER 8, 2010

...Pakistan’s nuclear capability, North Korea’s stability as a nation, and the potential emptying of the infamous Guantanamo Bay Prison, is all out on the table now as a result of the folks from WikiLeaks... phone call from Senator Joe Lieberman’s office. After refusing to comment on this for twenty-four hours, Amazon released a statement denying that these were the reasons for the discontinuation of service, stating instead that WikiLeaks violated terms of service. All of this can be read and pondered with a few clicks of your mouse. Which is precisely the point. In our continually shrinking world of technological supremacy, and in our increasingly atrophy-laden nation of digitally dreaming idiots, what exactly has WikiLeaks done to the formerly all-powerful all-secretive governmental infrastructure? A little question posed by late feminist Afro-American writer Audre Geraldine Lorde’s famous essay, “The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle the Master’s House” comes to mind. Are the master’s tools dismantling the master’s house? If so, what are the ramifications?

To our increasingly sculpted media circus of truths and untruths, or to the imaginary or not-so-imaginary little group of very powerful and corrupt people ruling the planet, one not completely driven to the cynicism of our times would perhaps scream, loudly, something like—“Is it too much to ask for the real story here, so I can at least make my own judgments on the things that you people do while I am trying to make a living and take care of my loved ones?” It may be now, that the bold actions taken by WikiLeaks are if anything a temporary response to the screaming noncynic. By dismantling the veil of secrecy with the sometimes beautiful and often deadly tool of media, thereby allowing the public access to documentation that they would otherwise not be preview to for at least twenty years or more (given the bureaucracy attached to the release of classified documents), WikiLeaks has in this

particular case peeled back the floorboard of American correspondence with the world. Beneath this floorboard, we see the foundation upon which the country is continually building and remodeling itself. Is this necessarily a good thing? Well, that probably depends on how one feels about this country, its citizens, and perhaps the security of their own lives/lifestyles. Keep in mind that with the internationally public display of these cables, the country may have possibly been placed in a particularly vulnerable position with those who may seek to do actual and serious harm to America and its citizens. There is not much of a historical template to look back upon when addressing this complex issue, as the Internet wasn’t around when Rome was built or burning; so again, it would seem that we find ourselves on the brink of new boundaries—at the whim of machines and the spirits they cannot silence.

Infamous soup A Commentary by MOTO

t is more than simple coincidence that this week sees the both the anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor, and on the next day, the anniversary of John Lennon’s murder. In one sense, this concentration of infamy is an inevitable consequence of history unraveling round a fixed cycle of days. Like a pair of shoesóany clothing, but shoes in particularóthe calendar bears the marks and mud of experience. Given this inexorable accumulation, we ritually cleanse the year of memory; though some stains are harder to remove and some indelible. The marks that endure define a society as a repertoire defines a company of actors: tragedy, comedy, history, pastoral, pastoral-comical, historical-pastoral, tragical-historical, tragical-comical-historical-pastoral, scene undividable, or poem unlimited. Whatever the story, there must be a contrary force to wash away the accumulated sins of the Play. In fact, ëtis the very Season in which the actors are returned to innocence. The Eighth of December marks the beginning of that end. According to the Roman Catholic Calendar of Saints, December 8 is the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. Given that early Christians conceived sexuality as the fundamental sin, the Immaculate Conception was the ultimate exception to the original rule. It may not have been the best sex, but it was the only Good Fuck. Ever. It was also on the Eighth, in 1940, that President Roosevelt inaugurated America’s entry into WWII. Going against the opinion of advisors advocating an account of the unsuccessful negotiations with Japan preceding the war, the president decided on a brief speech on the theme of innocence violated. A first draft declared December 7 ìa day that would live in world history,î which Roosevelt crossed out in favor of infamy. These two taken together with Lennon’s murder suggest an odd three-dimensional image of some essential reality behind the specific instances; an identity behind the avatars. Given what we now know of Roosevelt’s prior knowledge of the attack and of Lennon’s privately abusive character, Mary’s Virginity is looking even more unlikely. But actual details are sacrificed on the altar of sacred fiction, to be consumed in flames of emotion that burn away any fact that might impede the symbolic function. Thus, Mary was a Virgin; the United States was innocent of everything save seeking peace too earnestly; and John Lennon was a Saint, a musical Moses who had led his people to the edge of a promised land but then died

on the cusp, leaving them to imagine it into actuality. Not true, but true enough. This analogy renders Jesus akin to the Greatest Generation, and indeed the parallel is both exactóeach beginning in innocence violated and ending sacrificed to redeem the world from the clutches of an evil oneóand emotionally resonant. It’s tricky, though, because such Transcendentities violate the rules of character as we understand them. The same analogy that pleasingly joins Jesus to G.I. Joe renders the Japanese who attacked Pearl Harbor as Godís angel, Gabriel, impregnating virginal America with an infant of righteous anger (an infant worshipped in his ultimate form, as an atomic bomb, Beneath The Planet of The Apes). Perhaps even more disturbing, is the further connection of Gabriel to Mark David Chapman, who at the time of his arrest for Lennonís murder declared the larger part of himself to be Holden Caulfield, fictional adolescent defender of childhood, and the rest the Devil. Yet perhaps these discordances can be resolved in remembering that the pristine conception of Christ presaged a similarly bloody  end.

DECEMBER 8, 2010 • BANG!

Devour

Do As the Name Says by Stephanie Harding

ugene is no stranger to the food cart revolution that has taken larger cities (and The Food Network) by storm. Food carts were once mobile convenience stores with limited hot offerings that came straight from generic restaurant supply stores. In the past few years, a few ambitious restaurateurs have taken the familiar carts and those limited offerings and have elevated them to culinary greatness, knowing that convenient locations and quick service do not have to mean that you must sacrifice quality. J.P. Downey-McCarthy, Devour's owner, has taken the street food idea a step further. While most of the carts in town have fixed locations, Devour's iconic VW buses frequently change locations, using mobility in their favor to find you and delight your palate no matter where you are. Don't worry about their being too evasive, though; they maintain a few regular appointments at favorite local spots so you can still easily seek them out. If that still isn't convenient enough for you, Devour sandwiches can be found at one of the local businesses with which Downey-McCarthy has partnered,

or you can go to the Devour Café in Springfield (at 2787 Olympic Ave. Suite #6). One of their regular spots is LaVelle Vineyards in Elmira, which is where I met up with them. With the addition of some mellow lighting, space heaters, and patio furniture, LaVelle has transformed a storage space into a comfortable, quaint tasting room. And, oh yeah, there’s a Devour bus parked inside. In addition to the sandwiches and soups that you’d typically find at Devour, DowneyMcCarthy has an eye on the client base and has added a cheese and salami plate with crackers and fruit pairings to the vineyard’s menu. This is definitely a plate to be shared with a friend or two, as it does not skimp in any area. The cheeses are sliced perhaps a bit too thickly and may overwhelm the other pairings, especially the appropriately thin-sliced Italian dry salami, but I was definitely pleased overall. Of course, I also had to try the standard fare for which Devour is known. You can expect to pay just a bit more at the vineyard for the sandwiches, but they are also served with a small salad on the side. This salad is simple and delicious, complementing the sandwiches well. The Black Forest ham is decadent, with the cheese melting enthusiastically out of the center cut. The grilled cheese, a modest creamy havarti sandwich, has a hard time standing on its own, but when paired with soup is divine. It’s easy to overlook the soup on the menu

katie Äaberg

food-mobile J.P. Downey-McCarthy stands by his delicious roving food bus

when it’s alongside the list of delectable sandwiches, but I urge you to try it. I had the privilege of trying the French onion soup, and it charmed me. The soups are the unsung hero of Devour’s menu and deserve some time in the limelight.

by Allihalla & Miss Amelia Hart

For the weekly menu, a list of locations, links to Facebook and Twitter accounts, and other Devour-related news, visit the Devour blog at http://devoureugene.blogspot.com. 

AMELIA HART is a hair and makeup artist at Dawn Baby Salon. In her free time, she's a hair-hoppin' bubble-poppin' honey thinking about Lip Smackers and Vietnamese coffee that puts the tiger in her blood. ALLISON DITSON designs really great clothes and accessories under the label ALLIHALLA. Find the finest halla on ALLIHALLA. etsy.com or locally at Kitsch. She is a fried potato aficionado and will tell you all about flavor town.

WE EWOOWA AWOO !

HEAD ON OVER looksgreatduh.blogspot.com tell us what LOOKS GREAT DUH about you.

—HOW TO HIT ON BABES—

ne afternoon, the ladies of Looks Great, DUH were sitting around talking about how hot all of our friends are and how lucky we are to be surrounded by some seriously extraordinary babes. The icing on the cake is their really great fashion sense. As all girl talk does, the conversation turned to boys (to complete the stereotype) and flirting. Some might wonder, "What does talking about girls and how they get hit on have to do with fashion?" We think it has a lot to do with it. You take a standard babe, put her in some run of the mill U of O hoodie and jeans with Ugg boots and she looks alright... But then if that same babe were wearing nice tights and some leggy socks under a stylish mini dress with great leather boots, then you'd freak out. You'd say "LOOKS GREAT," duh! Nobody knows what to do with a babe in an OUTFIT. Men become all a stutter, women get mean. It's as if a girl dresses up, she's acknowledging she thinks she's pretty and worth something. What's wrong with that? Forget that weird stigma that girls should look pretty without knowing it or trying! Get real! Wearing an outfit or having a good-looking exterior often comes off as an invitation to be approached. We can't speak for everyone, (for instance, this entire article is written from a 6

BANG! • DECEMBER 8, 2010

"boys talking to girls" perspective,) but we don't believe being hassled by strangers should stand as an automatic consequence of looking great. As one friend said, she doesn't dress up to turn people on; she dresses up because it feels good. A girl in a short skirt isn't "asking for it," as the old adage goes. A girl should feel comfortable committing a little time and effort to her appearance. And really, we don't want to deter hot babes from getting babelier by our words and actions, do we? We understand how overwhelming it can be to approach a beautiful and smartly dressed woman. Unfortunately, that often turns into being so stunned you end up pointing out some obvious aspect of the individual's appearance to break the ice. Pointing out the obvious isn't clever or flattering, it's just obvious. Many of us get awfully tired of hearing about one feature of our look repeatedly and with awkward bonerish intention. (Yes, consensus is we generally CAN tell when you're just talking to us simply because you'd like to take us to Boner City.) You'll be much better received if you go beyond the first thing you notice when you approach them. Too much attention on what we once considered our best assets can lead to their becoming annoying traits for wannabe suitors to single in on. Try to steer towards something a little deeper. Does this babe have a but-

ton of a band you like on her jacket? Is she buying your favorite beer? Do you like her shoes or belt buckle? Mention that, and start a real conversation. A good way to pick up chicks is to be smart. Sounds obvious, but we would rather talk about books or music than how big of a dick you have or to affirm, "yes, I am (insert obvious feature)." We're not trying to get all," Oh poor us, we hear how pretty we are all the time! Weewoowaawoo, it's so hard to be beautiful and well dressed!" Being complimented is a great boost to one's self esteem. We just prefer it to come from a more genuine thought based place, rather than a Purvis hormonal one. Giving a compliment is a lovely way to validate and appreciate the effort one has put into her look, and it can be an acceptable way to meet someone. Then, maybe after you're lucky enough to score that first date and everything goes well, you can tell us about our nice legs or fantastic knockers. Hell, you might even get to touch said desirable body part, depending on how clever you are. Everyone wants to be told they're beautiful and workin' it, but not as a first impression, and especially not while we're at work and can't tell you to go fuck yourself. continued on next page

HOW TO HIT ON BABES

photos by AMELIA HART

You know those girl talk conversations with hot babes we mentioned?

We picked out just a few of our many gorgeous friends and conducted semi-formal interviews. Here are some highlights...

ATHENA WISTOSKY

is a tattooed ballerina babe with a penchant for words and a sleek pink fixie she rides around town. If you admire her tattoos, don’t grab at them. Although well decorated, she is still a human and has personal space boundaries like everyone else. She may not want to share the stories of any or all of her drawings with you. She was once asked if she would still have tattoos if she didn't get attention from them. Athena was shocked that is why people thinks she has them, and not for more personal reasons. She prefers a subtler, gentlemanly approach to flirting. “There’s a lot to be said for chivalry.” She says it's preferable when people compliment her style, which is effortless and more reflective of her personality and is not overly thought out. She's even been drawn to the embarrassing hippie compliment of "nice energy" after so many bullshit come ons. "Be charming and not desperate, it's easy to tell people's motives"

Miranda Jenee

Melina Bee

Kylie Belachaikovsky

is a brown-eyed is a petite babe of the brunette babe with tattoos as pretty as she is. vintage wearing, picture taking, and blogging is a roller derby babe with a motorcycle and a You will find her playing rock’n’roll music, be- variety. We love her for her knowledge on all love of dogs. She also has really excellent red ing an excellent model, and watching Titanic sorts of topics from religion to 1930s golf attire hair and vibrant tattoos to match. "I obviously with her boyfriend. She says she is most of- to hot new nail polish shades. She often gets color my hair bright red and I have a full color ten asked about her Gustav Klimt tattoo that noted for her small frame and striking features. sleeve tattooed on my arm. I try to be a genfeatures a nude woman. "I'd prefer it to be She likes how her size makes many vintage erally nice person, so for me getting a weird, recognized as the art it is instead of just a va- clothes available to her, but she dislikes being, awkward compliment is as brutally horrible as gina with legs poking out of my shirt sleeve." "child-sized, a general feeling of shrimpiness, watching sucky amateur improv. I either have Miranda has had some pretty cute and funny only making the basketball B-team" or being to endure the agony to be polite, or just leave come-ons. Like the time when, twice in one told, "gosh, you're tiny!" A friend once told her in disgust so it goes away." week, the same guy complimented her bike she should be happy, "because small hands are Making a completely asinine comment like riding posture from his moving vehicle. On like 'having starfish attached to you.' I guess "cool tattoo" or "your hair sure is red" will get the other hand, she didn't sound enthusiastic I'd much rather be told I have starfish-like fea- your chances of a conversation "whittled down when she told us about being bothered while tures or generally compared to any marine life to a frosty thank you." Instead, Kylie says, "try trying to do her homework at the library or other than shrimp," she commented. an intelligent related question. If the response computer lab. "There's a time and place for is short, chilly and finite, your effort failed but stuff like that." at least you weren't a total dipshit about it." If she wants to get to know you, the conversation will continue, "otherwise, please for the love of God, just walk away."

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DECEMBER 8, 2010 • BANG!

MARTIANS DIGGING CANALS Prof. Lowell says he’s been watching them grow. Two new ones are observed at Flagstaff that have not been seen before. They converge toward an oasis. The astronomer’s proof of it all. Boston, Dec. 3—Life on Mars is the logical and almost inevitable deduction from the latest observations at Flagstaff Hill as related this afternoon by Dr. Percival Lowell, the astronomer. “Animate will” is the term Dr. Lowell applies to the force which is bringing about a remarkable phenomenon on the planet. In the popular way of reporting what Dr. Lowell has discovered the inhabitants of Mars are building a new system of canals from a known point to a new oasis. Dr. Lowell says he is watching them grow. His first public statement was made this afternoon at a special session of Section A (mathematics and astronomy) of the American Association for the Advancement of Science. “New canals on Mars in the first sense,” said the speaker, “though always interesting, and at times highly important, are no novelty at this observatory, inasmuch as at least 400 have been discovered here in the past fifteen years. “When Schiaparelli left his great work he had mapped 117 canals; with those detected at Flagstaff the number has risen to between five and six hundred. “To observe, however, a canal new in the sense that it had never existed anteriorly and to prove the fact is an astronomic detection of a different order and one the significance of which speaks for itself. This is what has happened, at the last apposition, at Flagstaff.” “On September 30, 1909, when the region of the Syrtis Major came into view again after its periodic hiding of six weeks, two striking canals were evident to the east of the Syrtis in places where no canals had ever previously been seen. Not only was their appearance unprecedented, but the canals themselves were the most conspicuous ones on that part of the disc. “The new canals ran from the bottom of the Syrtis Major and from a point on its eastern side south converging to an oasis, itself new, on the Cocytus about two-thirds of the distance to where that canal meets the Amenthes. “The Amenthes itselft was not visible except possibly as a suspicion. The new canals were recorded in independent drawings by Assistant E.C. Slipher and the director, and shortly afterward were photographed as the most conspicuous canals in the images. “Subsequently, examinations of the records showed that Mr. Slipher had drawn one of them the day before but not a trace of them was to be found in the drawings of August,

The Sun, New York, NY, 1910

July, June or May. That they were indeed new was then conclusively established by examination of the records of previous years. “The records of the observatory go back to 1894. Nor had any observer previous to 1894 recorded them. Schiaparelli had never seen them, nor had his predecessors or successors. This determined definitely that no human eye had ever looked upon them before.” The speaker took up the question of whether the canals might not have been there all the time, but unseen. “This may be answered definitely in the negative,” he said, “when it is realized that a canal of such size, while it might not have been visible elsewhere, on account of the character of the air, the improved instrumental means and the long experience of the observers, could not have escaped the director’s assistants.” The next point considered by the lecturer was whether the canals could be due to the annual seasonal change, which affects all the features of the planet. “How can the observed phenomena,” continued Dr. Lowell, “be due to another cause which we have found operative on the planet—the special polar association of particular canals? There are canals, which are quickened solely from the melting of the north polar cap, such as the Thoth and others like the Ulysses, which are beholden only to the southern one. But the present canals are not of that category, for they did not appear in past Martian years, which, had they been so conditioned, they would have done. “The records are decisive on the point. They do not belong to the class of unihemispheric seasonal canals, for the records at Flagstaff covering the seven or eight years needed to establish the fact are able to give an absolute verdict. “The canals in question therefore proved to be not simply canals new to us, but canals new to Mars. In the canal system they are new and, as such, are the most important contribution to our knowledge of the planet in recent years. “Now let us see what they imply. In form they are like all the other canals: narrow, regular lines of even width throughout running with geometrical precision from definite points to another point, where an oasis is located. The oasis resembles all other oases. They partake, therefore, of all the peculiar features of the canal system, features which make it impossible of natural creation, that is of being the result of any purely physical forces of which we have cognizance. “On the other hand, the system exactly resembles what life there would evolve under the conditions we know to exist. The present phenomena show that the canals are still in process of creation, that we have actually seen some formed under our very eyes. The importance of this, to our understanding of the canal system of Mars, can hardly be overestimated. “The phenomena transcend any natural law and are only explicable, so far as can be seen, by the presence out yonder of animate will.” 

Dr. Percival Lowell, 1904

2010 IS COMING TO A CLOSE BUT THE EXCITEMENT ISN’T RUNNING OUT, IT’S RAMPING UP!

TRENDS ARE JUST ONE OF MANY WAYS OF STAYING CONSTANTLY MANIC AND OBSESSING OVER IMPORTANT THINGS AT ALL MOMENTS OF THE DAY. THAT CRAZED ENERGY YOU MIGHT ASSOCIATE WITH 13 YEAR OLDS IS JUST A LIST OF COMPLETED TRENDS AWAY FRIENDS! ARE YOU READY FOR THE CRAZE? I WAS BORN READY.

WHAT'S OUT

ORANGE

THE COLOR AND CONCEPT ORANGE IS THE BEST WAY TO WARM UP IN THE COLD, WINTER MONTHS. ORANGE EVOKES THE WARMTH OF THE EARLY 70S, THE GLORIOUS, LIFE-AFFIRMING ARTIFICE OF ORANGE SODA AND THE OPTIMISM OF THE OLD CALIFORNIA. YOU CAN GET WOUND UP LIKE A CLOCKWORK ORANGE LISTENING TO BEETHOVEN AND POLISHING YOUR BOOTS. ORANGE IS A VERY WARM COLOR AND IT TELLS OUR BRAINS “SUNSHINE!” SO WHAT COULD BE BETTER AS THE SUN GOES AWAY, BUT TO FILL YOUR LIFE WITH ORANGE THINGS!

BEING IGNORANT

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LOOK, I PROBABLY DISLIKE NERDS MORE THAN YOU DO, BUT I’VE DISCOVERED THAT KNOWING LOTS OF STUFF AND BEING A NERD AREN’T ACTUALLY CONNECTED. ANYHOW, USELESS INFORMATION IS USELESS, I’LL GIVE YOU THAT. WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT IS BEING CULTURED AND UNDERSTANDING THE WORLD YOU LIVE IN. THERE ARE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW. PERIOD. IF YOU DON’T KNOW THEM, YOU NEED TO FIGURE THEM OUT. IT WILL HELP YOU BE A KEEN CONVERSATIONALIST, IT WILL ADD A RICH GRAVY OF MEANING TO YOUR LIFE, YOU WILL MAKE BETTER DECISIONS BECAUSE YOU WILL UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE DOING. HERE’S A CLUE, GEORGE W. BUSH IS SMARTER AND MORE INFORMED THAN 80% OF YOU (STATISTIC, GWB SCORED IN THE TOP 16% OF THE SAT).

NARDWUAR THE HUMAN SERVIETTE

NARDWUAR IS A CANADA-OBSESSED CANADIAN FROM VANCOUVER, BC. HE RUNS A RADIO SHOW OFF OF CITR FM IN VANCOUVER, BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA. HE IS THE WORLD’S MOST ENTERTAINING INTERVIEWER AND HAS INTERVIEWED EVERYONE FROM SNOOP DEE OH DOUBLE GEE TO ROBERT ANTON WILSON. HE IS A PIONEER IN THE NEW FIELD OF “PROP” INTERVIEWS, WHERE HE INTRODUCES RARE CULTURAL ARTIFACTS TO HIS GUESTS IN ORDER TO ELICIT AMAZEMENT AND WONDER. NARDWUAR IS ALSO THE MOST THOROUGH INTERVIEWER IN MODERN HISTORY, DIGGING UP SO MANY OBSCURE FACTS AND RUMORS TO ASK HIS GUESTS AND MAKING THEM SEEM ACTUALLY FAMOUS INSTEAD OF BORING. WEB: NARDWUAR.COM ALSO, TYPE “NARDWUAR” INTO YOUR FRIENDLY, NEIGHBORHOOD YOUTUBE.

CIVILIZATION

AS THE ECONOMY CONTINUES TO FLUSH DOWN THE TOILET AND AS SOCIETY CONTINUES TO CRUMBLE, WHAT WILL DISTINGUISH YOU FROM THE GREAT, UNWASHED, TRASHY THEM? OLDER GENERATIONS WERE CRITICIZED FOR BEING GORILLAS WEARING SUITS, BUT THE NEW GENERATION IS MORE LIKE CHIMPANZEES WEARING SWEAT PANTS AND WIFE BEATERS. WHEN EVERYONE IS POOR AND TRASHY, THE ONLY WAY OUT OF THE DEGENERATION IS TO EMBRACE CIVILIZATION. THROUGH SELF-CONTROL, DISCIPLINE AND INTENSE STUDY, YOU CAN REBUILD THE GLORY OF WHAT HUMANS EXIST FOR. FIND A NEW APPRECIATION FOR THE FRUITS OF CULTURE: MUSIC, ART, FOOD, ARCHITECTURE, TECHNOLOGY, LITERATURE, EVERYTHING, IT’S WAITING FOR YOU. SHINE YOUR SHOES AND ALPHABETIZE YOUR RECORDS, CIVILIZATION CALLS!

BUBBLEGUM

EVER SINCE SMOKING BECAME LIKE WALKING AROUND WITH SH*T IN YOUR PANTS, THE ONLY OTHER OPTION FOR CONSTANT ORAL COOL HAS BEEN GUM CHEWING. CHEWING GUM MAKES YOU MENTALLY ALERT, CLEANS YOUR TEETH (EVEN SUGARY GUM), CAN MAKE YOU SMELL EXCITING AND BLOWING BUBBLES IS A GREAT COMBINATION ATTACK OF OBNOXIOUS AND COOL. MY FAVORITE IS DUBBLE BUBBLE AND GRAPE BUBBLICIOUS. DON’T STAND FOR THE MINT/FRUIT HYBRIDS, THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE. ALSO, BUBBLEGUM MUSIC IS PRETTY IMPORTANT SO YOU CAN WIN EXTRA TREND DIMENSIONS BY CHEWING GUM AND LISTENING TO BUBBLEGUM MUSIC AT THE SAME TIME. SOUNDTRACK: CHEWY CHEWY BY THE OHIO EXPRESS. DECEMBER 8, 2010 • BANG!

The Value of Criticism

by Sean Äaberg

“Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing” —A ristotle “The unexamined life is not worth living.” —Socrates

n 2002, I read Gene Simmons’ KISS and Make-Up when I was supposed to be processing incoming books for the Oakland Public Library. I didn’t really know what to expect with KISS and Make-Up but I ate it up in one sitting. Gene Simmons is shameless, which is what allows him to be part of the cheap Coney Island bombast and excess of KISS, channel the great and terrifying energies of Rock n’ Roll and generally be a successful man. KISS and Make-Up was terrifying to read because the whole thing felt like a criticism of who I was at the time. “I wanted to be in a band that gave bang for the buck. I wanted to be in the band who didn’t look like a bunch of guys who, you know, should be in a library studying for their finals,” Gene Simmons. I was compromising. I was not taking life by the horns. I was unsure of myself and ashamed because of it. Upon finishing the book, I knew I had to quit my job and the next day I did. I didn’t have to quit my job, I could have easily justified continuing to work there and work my way up through the bureaucracy, but I knew it was the wrong thing for me to be doing. It went against everything I wanted to be in life, ever since I was a kid. Early role models were the Incredible Hulk (Lou Ferrigno version) and Animal from The Muppet Show. That said, I didn’t have to take the book to heart, it could have been written by someone I didn’t idolize from a very young age, and it wasn’t directly criticizing me. As I accepted the challenge of Gene Simmons, I began to notice other characters that struck a similar fear in me. Boyd Rice was one of these figures that publicly pursued all sorts of taboo subjects and held unpopular beliefs, and he represented something similar to me as Simmons. He made me feel weak, his existence felt like a personal attack on my weakness. Jim Goad was another one of these figures, his deliberately antagonistic style didn’t go for the accepted targets of the “underground” but instead sought out the actual “Holy Cows” to make hamburger out of. Once again, none of these people were actually criticizing me, but they became models for my own merciless self-criticism. There should be no one out there saying anything I was afraid to say. My little brother Daniel was my only critic at the time; he said I had become boring. 10

BANG! • DECEMBER 8, 2010

BLACK SWAN

FILM REVIEWS

by Ryan Nyburg

NEW FILMS! BLACK SWAN Darren Aronofsky’s tale of a neurotic and spooky friendship that develops between a veteran ballerina and a rising star as they compete for the lead role in Swan Lake. All respected directors apparently have to make haunting films about ballet at some point in their careers, but Aronofsky ups the ante by having Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis have sex. The man is obviously a genius. RARE EXPORTS: A CHRISTMAS TALE A bit before all this, I would subject myself to the possible embarrassment and ridicule of the Punk ‘zine review circuit with every new issue of my rag, Goblin’s Armpit. There were some real asshole ‘zine reviewers out there who were bombarded with too many ‘zines and would take out their frustration on whatever poor ‘zine happened to need to be reviewed. It’s pretty easy to figure out if a reviewer is worth listening to or not by reading lots of their reviews and judging their opinions against yours, or against the opinions of your betters. It’s pretty easy to tell if someone is just taking out their frustration on you or if they are actually thinking about the work. Of course, if your work is not good, it’s not good, you probably know that it’s not good and to have false pride over the imagined quality of what you are doing is stupid. Take the criticism and get better. Sometimes work is difficult to understand, it may have elements that make it seem bad, but this veneer of poor quality may be superficial and just beneath that first appearance of shoddiness, there might be something amazing. Similarly, work might be obviously embryonic. The good critic will be able to spot this and be able to identify some of those yet-to-be developed qualities. Ultimately, the critic should point out things to pay attention to, help to expand the cultural picture, get you excited about things and help refine your taste. 

Finnish film about an archeological dig in the Laplands that unearths a real-life Santa Clause, who turns out to be a demonic spirit that murders children. Currently only opening in NYC, but if we all think happy thoughts really hard maybe it will show up here. Why is it that the only Christmas films I truly like are either beloved childhood classics or violent, darkly comic horror films? The trailer for this hits a note somewhere between Miracle on 34th Street and The Thing, so excuse me for being pumped. THE WARRIOR’S WAY In a season that is usually devoted to piles of Oscar bait fermented in weeping sentimentality, we get a Wild West ninja film with Geoffery Rush as a desperado. Looks like Ninja Assassin with horses, which could be good or bad depending on which end of the goofy meter you prefer to be sitting at. Though I tend to have reservations about any film when the trailer begs the question, “which game platform is this being released on?”

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THE WARRIOR'S WAY

stuff to do with your kids by Bronwynn Manaois

his year, I decided the kids needed to have the experience of cutting our own Christmas tree. I conjured up cherished, yet hazy, childhood memories of trudging through muddy rows of trees with my parents to pick the perfect one. In an effort to create meaningful traditions with my children, it was finally our time. I picked the kids up from school on the first Friday of December and laid my plan on them. I had boots and a dull hacksaw ready. “It’s going to be great,” I countered their complaints. “That’s the stupidest idea, ever. Let’s just buy a tree,” whined my son. “But we need the experience of seeing where they come from, you’re too privileged, it will mean more to us,” I answered. It was on, despite their protestations, and the nagging feeling that maybe it WAS easier to just buy a tree and be done with it. We rolled into Pleasant Hill, where as far as I could tell, we would have our pick of tree farms to choose from. The first farm we passed, the children became instantly enamored with my plan. “There’s so many of them!” “That one, no that one!” I got that warm, fuzzy, parent-doinggood feeling. That was heightened by my thirst for having “tree cutter” notched into my belt. We settled on a small, mom and pop establishment. Before I could even put the van in park, the kids were jumping out the side door to the display. Wow, who knew they even provided the saws! Great! After some instructions from Bob, our friendly 84year-old host, we bounded down the swampy lane to where the “cheaper” trees lived. There were some quickly ignored admonishments about not running with a sharp object, but mainly the kids were having a blast chasing each other through the childsized forest, lunging and bouncing off the springy branches.

I had an I-told-you-so moment when they all shouted, “this is the best idea ever!” We were all soaked pretty quickly and decided to get down to the business at hand. I dreaded the surely upcoming fight over who actually got to pick the tree, but after the initial rumblings of “my tree is best” we reached a consensus. My son was raring to go with the saw. We each took a turn, but he was the one that chopped it down in just a few minutes. The felling obviously thrilled him, as he beat his chest and hoisted our tannenbaum over his head in a particularly man versus nature display I never knew he was capable of. The girls wanted their chance with the saw, so they each cut off a few of the bottom branches, then my little family of loggers was ready to haul our load back to the van. When we caught back up with Bob, we found out our “cheap” tree was actually the fancy kind, and what I thought was fifteen bucks was now twice as much. We had already cut the damn thing, so there was no turning back. “Ok,” I gulped, “do you take checks?” Meanwhile, my darlings were helping themselves to the hot drinks and in proper form, one was spilled, necessitating half a roll of paper towels and a rather befuddled Bob. I thanked him as sweetly as possible and shooed the kids to the car. The one hot cider we actually managed not to spill sat in the cup holder, untouched. Typical. But, what could have turned out disastrous, rife with fighting and potential injury (yes, thanks for the warning to have 911 on speed dial, dad!) ended up being the start of a new tradition for us. Well, if you leave out the part about actually getting the thing into the house and decorated. It’s up, gracing our house with its fragrance and light, even if it does sport a little gangster lean. 

creepy christmas

A secret MESSAGE TO OUR MEMBERS you up? voyages and bring home a good cargo. this decorous demeanor made it absolutely necessary for him to stir; so he unfolded plenty, and i think she has enjoyed it as much as i have. only one thing troubles upside down on the pink cotton page before her. new hats, welcome as they were, but did not quite know where to steer. room between them, dr. alec looking very much like a commander issuing orders.

DECEMBER 8, 2010 • BANG!

CRAIGSLIST POSTS ABOUT THE WHITEAKER Not just a moral dilemma

A collection of messages on CL Rants and Raves. December 2010 compiled by Marc Time

The whit is easily the most disgusting neighborhood I've ever seen. A whole collection of homeless to smug, self righteous yuppies. Sounds like a thriving community to me. The only thing that thrives in that neighborhood is body odor. Just because you smoke weed and don't use conventional hygiene products (or any hygiene products at all) does not mean you are special. Many of the folks who live in the whit think that not holding a job is some badge of honor they should wear. No, it means those of us who have real jobs are supporting your dumb asses in the insolvent lifestyle you have chosen. As the old man in the Big Lebowski asserts: "the bums will always lose" and this is true. No amount of universal love will save you from the backlash against you and all the other social misfits. Not spending your welfare check at walmart does not make you any better than the bums who do. 20 years from now when you are burned out and just looking for your next fix, I hope you remember what a wonderful place the whit is. Suckers. once again narrow minded fuckers posting about something they know nothing about.......go back to the south hills.........the only disgusting things i see are your SUV's driving by my house with your old fat ass sitting at the wheel. The problem is if we shine too much light on the shit hole that is Whitaker -they would be fully exposed. Welfare Fraud Prostitution Drug Dealing Burglary rings Child abuse Fugitives Illegals The Goober who is defending this toilet needs to realize everybody knows what the Whit is. You can't just hold you hands over your ears and scream LALALAlalaLALALALA! and make people who drive nice cars the bad guys. We will miss you but then again- they have computers in some of the jails .

sean Äaberg

BANG! • DECEMBER 8, 2010

ing some of the crazies away and helping the staff whenever possible he is a kind, genuine, thoughtful, and pleasant person he is where he is for his own reasons he doesn't beg, fly cardboard signs, or even get food stamps he is a better person than most people i know that live in ANY "hood" i know just as many people that live in "better" neighborhoods that do all the things that people expect to only happen in "the whit" yes it has all of the negative aspects mentioned... but it also has many positive attributes that are conveniently left out there are a lot of "bad" people living in every area of this town i can think of a couple of child molesters/teachers/ coaches right off the top of my head they don't live in the whit (not saying the whit lacks those) what i am saying is druggies, prostitutes, child molesters, thieves, etc. LIVE IN EVERYONE"S NEIGHBORHOOD who cares! if you don't live in the whit don't think you know everything about it. if you don't live in the south hills or wherever .don't think you know everything about it

"last friday night me and my beautiful wife went down to the whit, for the first time in 10 years. we parked down by 2nd street and walked around to all the artist galleries that were open, as well as going to the brewery there, we enjoyed the live music at the brewery and then walked down to the pizza research institute.also was playing live music, very nice jazz guitar player there.b.t.w.. nobody harrassed us, there were other people with kids walking around playing and everyone seemed to be having a good time. I didnt realize it was like this there" That's because it isn't like that, I'm a 52yo native of Eugene, and I go to Sam's, tinys, P.R.I, all the time, and always feel safe and have a good time. No problems, ever. The scene at Reality Kitchen is messed up, but it goes hand in hand with all the vagrancy and run down campers that's infiltrated our neighborhood. The Whit had a good run, but it's reverting back to its trashy old ways. Personally, I'm tired of living down here.

Wanna talk narrow minded? Let's talk about the fool who lives in the trashiest neighborhood in all of eug/ spr called the whit who thinks that anyone who calls out their dirty neighborhood must drive an SUV and live in the south hills. I actually ride my bike every day to work and only drive if I have to go more than 20 miles. Even so, I trust the people who live in the south hills who HAVE REAL JOBS more than I would any wannabe hippie scumbag from the whit. whoa people!

Unfortunately, it is so sad, the same community that "feed thousands" at Thanksgiving- is the same one that harbors, accepts and forget to make judgments against the lowest forms in our society.(the bums, prostitutes, the druggies, ex-cons etc...) I thank all that is holy I don't ever have to walk theremuch less live anywhere near it. There but for the grace of God go I

I have lived in the "whit" for many years i have a good job i make decent money i pay taxes just like the rest of the working folk in all parts of eugene i have a college education i don't drink i don't do drugs and i LOVE my neighborhood

The Whit is not for the narrow-minded..... obviously with your head stuck so far up your ass its difficult for you to properly realize what a thriving community it is....Yes we have the homeless here because compassion is one of the many attributes our neighbors exhibit in the whit....druggies are everywhere.......dont be scared go back to walmart or church where it is safe to look at others with your disapproving scowl...... cmfg wants you to know your an idiot....seriously

i have many friends and co-workers that also CHOOSE to live in this area that live in the same manner that i do we like the whit because of it's community feel, artistic vibe, and eclectic, and diverse population small businesses abound and are successful anything you need is in walking/biking distance their are a lot of great restaurants coffee shops and stores in the area... the whit has a lot to offer if you want a bit of flavor in your life. one of my favorite people EVER is a homeless guy in the whit who DOESN"T do drugs or drink at all... he helps out some of the local businesses by keep-

PRI is disgusting. That place is only for hypochondriacs who think the government is genetically modifying wheat to give them cancer. Watch and see how many of those mental midgets without the most basic of understanding as it pertains to physiology or molecular cell biology will reply and claim wheat will kill you. I'm kinda glad the whit exists. It keeps most of the trash centrally located. It has the same effect all day every day that church has on sequestering their morons for an hour on Sunday. Extremes are not good, Eugene.

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WANDERING — GOAT — — 268 MADISON — wanderinggoat.com —

EVENTS CALENDAR thursday DECEMBER 9

NINTH MOON BLACK

Caitlin Jemma Betty & the Boy

Atmospheric doom at its best, from the dark winterlands of the Northwest

8pm, all ages, free

by Collin Gerber

he ever present gloom and gray which makes itself apparent for many months out of the year in the Northwest has thankfully lent itself to something far better than seasonal affective disorder. Local atmospheric, ambient doom metal band Ninth Moon Black soaks in the bleakness of the Northwest winters to make music that is deep, heavy and hauntingly beautiful. Drawing from a range of musical and philosophical inspirations, NMB plays instrumental music which paints a vivid narrative through the utilization of layered instrumentation and kaleidoscopic effects, coupled with driving bass and drums and apocalyptic speech samples, all in a perfectly downtuned, sludgy execution. Their most recent release, Kalyug, is a concept album, which contemplates the Hindu idea of the final, and most destructive evolutionary stage of humankind. The lack of a lead singer allows the music to illustrate a point through the mood created, but lets the unhindered freedom of the mind create different meanings with each listening experience, to each person. Eric: keys, samples, Atom: guitar, Casey: drums

The style of music you guys play is undergoing a wave of interest, especially here in the Northwest. What are some of your main influences as a music lover, and how does that dictate what you bring as players in this band? Eric: Well, I think everybody’s a pretty big Pink Floyd fan in the band; which is certainly a big part of it, as far as the atmospheric aspects of it. We all listen to all kinds of shit; the band doesn’t necessarily sound exactly like Pink Floyd, but all of us are big fans, and I think it’s shaped the kind of musicians we are, how I am at least. Atom: I concur. Casey: I got really into electronic music for a while, and for me, it sort of inspires the metronome inside me and the way I play sort of in a loop fashion, instead of playing lots of fills and stuff like that. Atom: Erin (other guitarist) likes Easy-E, and Ministry and surf rock (laughs). Given your signature style of long songs and epic buildups, and being entirely instrumental (minus some speaking samples), what is your songwriting process like? As a band, how do you all come together to make these ambient, layered, atmospheric collaborations? Pre-written? Experimenting? Eric: It’s pretty collaborative, you know, we’ll basically have a part that’s cool, write something around that, and slowly build on both sides of it. The last record [Kalyug] was very much a concept, and we had that concept down before I made the samples, so I kind of had, not necessarily what it would be like musically, but I knew what kind of mood that it needed to set; really mellow, and dark sounding, and certainly very ambient, to set up the vocal sample. How did you come up with the concept for this album, and how did you intend to paint a narrative through instrumental music?

Eric: Kasey kind of came up with the concept. Casey: Yeah, well we kind of bounced ideas off of each other, concept wise. Eric: Yeah, concept wise, but it kind of pointed to where the music was coming from. The process of our writing takes you to these places; you could hear the same song at different times, and make you think or feel different things. That’s kind of like the life of the music, and it ended up fitting really well. Casey: That is really important to us. We’ll give people ideas to think about, but it’s really up to them to take what they want from it. I think it makes the listening experience more personal in a way. Though it sounds dark, at the end it’s sort of supposed to end with a bit of hope, the animal sounds and the return to nature. The animal sounds represent the return to innocence; if you think about returning to a state of nature. Atom: The album starts with people living with nature and everything’s fine, and then stuff comes around, destruction and spirituality; at the end, it's back to nature. Casey: The album cover as well; the idea of this ball of humanity is about to spill out and destroy nature; or its being contained and going away. How did you guys hone in on the Kalyug philosophy as the title and concept of the album? Eric: We had the vague idea of making a concept like that; very cyclical, repetitive, sort of about the life and evolution of humans. Casey: Or devolution. Are there bands that you have or want to tour with, that you feel connected to musically or philosophically? Eric: Well it’s obviously a short list of influences we gave you; I mean I like a lot of the bands that we get compared to. We get compared to Neurosis a lot, and we all like them, they’re a great band. Casey: We get a lot of Godspeed, You Black Emperor! and Isis. Eric: We’re certainly all fans of the vague genre we fit into. Atom: It was cool playing with Earth. Their new stuff is really kind of earthy and ambient. Slow but melodic, not so much really doomy, just spacey and awesome. If we toured with them I think it’d be a really good fit. Eric: We just recently toured with Rye Wolves, and that was good, they were really spacey and ambient. We did Northern California and the Bay Area. Casey: I’d like to tour with Yob. Eric: Yeah. That’d be rad. Upcoming shows? Atom: This month we got shows on the 10th and 11th in Portland and Seattle. We’re with a Tool tribute band, Schism, at Dante’s in Portland and Tractor Tavern in Seattle. Eric: March 4th at the Oak Street Speakeasy, it’s an art show, we’re playing with Kemosabe.

fr i day DECEMBER 10

GOLDEN MOTORS’ Family Xmas Hour feat. THE FASTERS 8pm, 21+ after 9

sat ur day DECEMBER 11

KICKSTAND CARNIVAL 9pm, 21+

thursday DECEMBER 16

DYLAN & ANTHONY 8pm, all ages, free

fr i day DECEMBER 17

The Kindreds MELISSA RUTH 9pm, 21+

sat ur day DECEMBER 18

KITES & CROWS 9pm, 21+

Hear the entirety of Kalyug at www.ninthmoonblack.com

 DECEMBER 8, 2010 • BANG!

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with Richard D. Owens