First published in 2021 in Great Britain by Barrington Stoke Ltd 18 Walker Street, Edinburgh, EH3 7LP www.barringtonstoke.co.uk This 4u2read edition based on Blamehounds (Barrington Stoke, 2014) Text & Illustrations © 2014 & 2021 Ross Collins The moral right of Ross Collins to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in whole or in any part in any form without the written permission of the publisher A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library upon request With thanks to the Consulate General of Japan in Edinburgh for their translation of the Japanese newspaper headlines ISBN: 978-1-80090-053-0 Printed by Hussar Books, Poland
For Emer
CONTENTS
1 Fart
1
2 Paint
6
3 Whack!
12
4 Eggs
18
5 Toffee?
23
6 Business
26
7 Toilet
32
8 Global
35
9 Sancho
42
10 Rumbled
50
11 Next …
52
Fart Number 1 made no sound. Mr Lime was the person who farted. But Mr Lime thought no one could smell it. So he didn’t say a word. He didn’t want to take the blame. Fart Number 2 made a small noise, like a sad mouse. It was much more smelly – like a bucket of dead fish. Mrs Lime’s nose twitched. She was dishing out potato salad for the children’s tea and the smell made her feel sick. 1
Everyone heard Fart Number 3. It made a loud noise like a car skidding on a wet road. Then there was a very bad smell. “POOOOOOOOOO‑EEEEEEEEEE!” Olive Lime yelled. She jumped up and held her nose with her fingers. “Don’t get up from the table when you’re eating!” Mrs Lime snapped. She pinched her nose so as not to smell the fart. It was awful.
“Something’s crawled up someone’s bum and died,” Gregor Lime said with a snigger. “No toilet talk at the table!” Mrs Lime barked. Her face went as green as her name as the smell seeped up her nostrils.
Mr Lime stood up and pulled back his chair. A sleepy dog lay curled up under the table. Mr Lime pointed at the dog, who had just been having a nice dream about dropping cats off a roof.
4
“BAD NORMAN!” Mr Lime shouted. “FARTY DOG!” Mr Lime gave Norman a good kick up the bum. Norman howled and then took in a big gulp of the terrible smell. It was a horrible way to wake up. He jumped up and fled from the room before Mr Lime could kick him again.
5