From the Heart: Play to Win

Play to Win!

In Everything, Just Let Go and Give it Your All by Lori Wolkins Kroh

It’s March Madness. I have a sick feeling in my stomach. I’ve been watching my 10-year-old daughter play basketball. I’m amazed at her abilities and attitude towards playing her first sport. She high fives her friends, she scores points, she smiles running down court. I am living the dream through her.

This is much different than the only sport I ever played. I’m thinking back to when I was a 5th grader at Woodrow Wilson and we had just enough girls to play basketball. Mr. Pierce was our teacher and coach. I didn’t sign up to play, it was just mandated we would.

I begged my dad to take me down to Mr. Gee’s Sporting Goods and get the shorts that all the girls were going to wear. These shorts had a little slit on the side of them and I convinced myself they were magical.

The morning of game day, I remembered my dad forgot to take me to get those shorts. He told me to just wear jean shorts and be happy anyways. Off I went with my shorts and plain tennis shoes, and I felt so inadequate for life. I was nervous and knew that I had know idea how to line up for a free throw, dribble in for a layup, or even play defense.

I knew jump ball, but I was short. The world was against me. The whistle blew and the loud buzzer went off and we started. Up and down the court, back and forth ... I prayed for the clock to run down. There were only enough of us to play the game, so no one sat out. Even though I didn’t have a water bottle or a Nike headband ... I felt free. I had plain tennis shoes, knee high socks and my old jean shorts.

Dribbling down the court, I was becoming an athlete and starting to feel like I belonged. Only — wait a second, I feel a draft! Now, I know why I feel so free. My jean shorts had split the zipper and it was busted wide open! I’m literally going up and down the court with my pants wide open and know one told me! I let the ball roll out of my hands and out of bounds. I heard the whistle and Mr. Pierce yelling at me. “Wolkins! Get it together!”

Oh. I was sir. I was going to get it together alright. I grabbed my zipper area and clenched it together with my left hand. I played the rest of the game with only my right. I never let go of the wide open spaces that should only occur in a song or out by Woolaroc.

I dribbled and threw and defended our team’s valor with one hand. We lost that day. I took it personally. I felt the letdown and saw my coach’s face. It was a dilemma for me then, and even today. Let go and let everyone see me vulnerable and find out the truth, or cling to what I know and hide my truest self and still fail.

It’s a dilemma for us all, I think. The buzzer sounded and I blamed my dad, I blamed the court at Wayside, and I blamed the store for not staying open late the night before my big game. My shortcomings were my own, and yet I chose blame over ownership.

I stopped playing sports that day and never played again. I’ve heard I have missed out on camaraderie, team experiences, and the lessons hard work in athletics teach a person. I allowed blame and shame to stop my game.

Every time March Madness rolls around I am reminded of what a failure I was that day and how I let my coach down, my team, and mostly myself. I’m encouraging my daughter that no matter what happens out there, Play to Win. Let go of what you want to cling to that feels safe and secure and be open to new experiences. Give it your all. Even if you fail, deep down you will know you tried your best and that your mother would make sure your shorts were magical.