Claire Aherne Mildred the Mole and the Penguin Pirates

Mildred the Mole and the Penguin Pirates

Do you need to post a birthday present to your grandad? Or a letter to your pen pal in Timbuktu? Are you a weasel, an arctic fox, or a dodo? Do you have feathers, scales, or fur?

Well then, you’re in luck. Mole Mail is the animal post service that delivers letters and parcels all over the world. (Especially if it’s another pair of socks for your grandad. Nobody loves socks more than grandads).

The postmoles are the ones who deliver all the parcels, but keeping everything in tip-top shape back at the Central Mole Post Office, is the customer service department. In the office, past the loos and under the stairs, you will find Mildred and Barty.

Mildred the mole is the head of the customer service department and can always be found wearing her glittering red glasses and carrying her shiny black handbag.

Her right-hand beetle and deputy is Barty. He adores fashion and can sometimes even be spotted wearing a splendid cape, but only for important occasions. Like Wednesdays.

On one particular day, Mildred and Barty met down at the shipyard.

‘Ahoy, Mildred,’ said Barty, walking towards her. He was wearing a sailor’s hat (specially customised with holes for his antennae) and a dapper navy neckerchief.

‘Oh, Barty, don’t you look fantastic,’ said Mildred. She wasn’t wearing

a special sailor’s costume, but she did have on her bright yellow rain mac and her glittering red glasses (with added wipers for the sea spray).

‘All ready for the big sail?’ asked Barty.

‘Aye aye matey,’ said Mildred, laughing.

They arrived at the Mole Mail ship—Shippy McShipface—and Omar the otter gave them a big smile and a wave from the deck. Omar looked every bit the sailor with his wellington boots, his yellow wet gear and his salt-covered fur. The otters ran the sea section of the Mole Mail business, and Omar was the captain of Shippy McShipface.

‘Thank you for coming on such short notice,’ said Omar. ‘We have some crew members sick, and we wouldn’t be able to complete the voyage across the ocean without your help.’

‘No problem,’ said Mildred. ‘Barty and I are always here to put our customers first. And we’re delighted to be part of your otterly fantastic crew, Omar.’

‘It’s very cold,’ said Omar. ‘So wrap up warm and keep an eye out for icebergs.’

Omar introduced Mildred and Barty to the rest of the crew. They were a cheery bunch indeed.

Mildred’s favourite was Otto, a sensible old otter who had grey speckled fur around his eye. Otto loved nothing more than telling stories about his competitive knitting days when he won many competitions for his cosy cardigans. Although, he wasn’t a fan of the new jumping jumpers coming in from the moon.

‘Jumpers were just jumpers in my day,’ he said to Mildred. ‘None of this moving around nonsense.’

‘I don’t know,’ said Mildred. ‘I always keep a couple in my handbag just in case. They can be very useful for fetching things off high shelves.’

Barty’s favourite was Orla, a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed otter who was an explorer as well as a sailor. She thrilled Barty with her tales of finding cursed tombs in the middle of the jungle and befriending a yeti on a snowy mountain.

Over the next two days, Barty and Mildred were given all sorts of tasks. They scrubbed the decks, mended sails, and even kept a lookout from the crow’s nest for icebergs and pirates.

In between their work, they enjoyed the camaraderie on the ship with the otters. They ate meals of kippers on toast (sprinkles on top for Barty), and they drank steaming cups of hot chocolate (sprinkles on top for everyone!). Barty especially enjoyed singing the sea shanties every night in the cabin.

And on their voyage, they heard seagulls telling bad jokes and laughing too much.

They saw weight lifting manatees on the rocks, lifting other manatees clean over their heads.

And even a merman popped up and tried to sell them a seaweed shampoo subscription.

‘It gives you a lovely shine,’ he said, pushing some flyers into Barty’s hands.

Barty didn’t have the heart to say he didn’t have any hair, so he just took the flyers with a smile.

Shippy McShipface sailed smoothly through the night, but the next morning the crew came across a sign.

EYESBURGS UP AHED. GO TIS WAY #

Mildred had a mind to write to the local sea council. The sign had spelling mistakes, and the paint was very sloppy. But Omar turned the ship the way the sign directed.

‘The coastguard did warn us about icebergs,’ he said.

The new route took them between two small shadowy islands surrounded by fog.

Barty shivered. ‘Those islands give me the heebee jeebees,’ he said to Mildred.

They were going through the narrowest bit when suddenly nets dropped from overhead.

‘Ahhhh,’ said Barty, as a net landed on top of him.

‘What’s going on?’ cried Mildred, looking up at the islands.

Omar called out, ‘PIRATES!’

Suddenly, a pirate ship pulled ahead of them, and Omar had to turn Shippy McShipface sharply to avoid hitting it.

‘Mildred help!’ said Barty, trying to get out of the net.

But then, a net landed on Mildred too.

Through the netting, she saw a black pirate flag flapping in the wind, with a skull and two squiggly coloured lines crossed in front of it.

It was then that Mildred realised these weren’t just any old pirates.

These were the most feared pirates across the seven seas.

The most ferocious type of pirates.

Penguin pirates.

Penguins started swinging down on ropes from the cliffs of the islands. Others swung across from the pirate ship. They brought the two ships side by side and lowered planks between the two.

They were small, but they were vicious.

Mildred was still trapped under the net when one came up to her and opened his mouth to reveal a gummy smile.

‘Argh, me first catch,’ he said. His breath smelt like he had just eaten a sardine and egg sandwich that went off two years ago.

‘Who ja got there, Toothless Pete?’ asked a pirate with a hook instead of a right flipper.

‘An odd-looking otter, Seadog Sally,’ he replied.

‘Me otter’s weird looking too,’ said another penguin with a patch, looking into the net at Barty.

‘Rascal Riley yer as stupid as a plank of timber,’ said Seadog Sally. ‘That’s a bee, not an otter.’

‘Actually, I’m a mole,’ said Mildred, straightening her glasses. ‘And he’s a beetle.’

But the pirates weren’t listening anymore. They were busy removing the nets and tying Barty, Mildred and all the otters to the mast.

‘Any sign of booty?’ asked Toothless Pete, but the only thing that answered him was the sound of a conch blowing.

The penguin pirates quickly all lined up on the deck. They went silent as someone slowly walked across the plank from the pirate ship.

Rascal Riley sounded the conch again and said, ‘All hail Cap’n Scallywag.’

Captain Scallywag was a penguin that wore a pirate hat with a large white feather in it. She had a parrot on her shoulder (which was impressive because the parrot was almost the same size as her), a long swordfish at her waist and purple pirate boots on her feet.

She walked along the line of pirates, straightening their hats or flicking crabs off their shoulders.

She stopped in front of the tied up Shippy McShipface crew.

‘Argh, Omar the otter,’ she said with a drawl. ‘Me auld foe.’

‘Hello, Captain Scallywag,’ said Omar. ‘I can’t say it’s a pleasure.’

Captain Scallywag laughed a husky laugh. ‘Yo-ho-ho! You make me laugh, Omar.’ But the Captain’s expression turned serious. ‘Now, I’ll ask this once and only once. Where’s the bounty?’

‘You know we don’t carry any jellybeans, Scallywag. We don’t want to attract pirates like you.’

The line of penguin pirates let out a hiss of disappointment.

Captain Scallywag’s face grew red. ‘What’s a pirate ‘ave to do around ‘ere to get a jellybean?!’

‘‘ere ‘ere,’ said Seadog Sally.

Barty was shaking so much, Mildred had to whisper him words of encouragement. But the whispering caught Captain Scallywag’s attention.

‘Argh. And who do we ‘ave ‘ere?’ asked Scallywag, stopping in front of Mildred. ‘You ain’t no otter.’

Mildred squared her shoulders and held her head high. ‘My name is Mildred, and this is Barty, and we’re from the customer service department at Mole Mail. And we’re not scared of a bunch of penguin pirates.’

‘Yo-ho-ho,’ laughed Scallywag. She turned to her crew. ‘Ja ‘ear that mateys? She ain’t scared of us.’

All the crew cackled.

Scallywag held her swordfish under Mildred’s chin. ‘Perhaps you’ll be quaking in your boots, little moley, if I use you as a ‘ostage to get some treasure from Mole Mail.’

‘Arrrrgh,’ went the pirates.

‘We could demand a chest of jellybeans,’ said Rascal Riley.

‘Don’t be stupid,’ said Seadog Sally. ‘We could get ten chests of jellybeans.’

Captain Scallywag laughed. ‘Argh, me naive penguins. With these two, we could ask for one ‘undred chests filled with jellybeans!’

‘AHOY!’ cheered the pirates.

‘Shiver me timbers,’ said Toothless Pete, wiping away a tear from his eye. ‘I never thought I’d see so many jellybeans in me life.’

Captain Scallywag was looking thoughtful and stroking her parrot. ‘But they’ll need to know we’re serious.’

‘You,’ she said, pointing her swordfish under Barty’s chin. ‘What’s your job, laddy?’

Barty was shaking. ‘I….I… I’m....thhhee....ttthhee..’

‘Spit it out, dung beetle!’

Mildred said, ‘I’m the head of Customer Service, and he’s my deputy.’

‘So, they’ll miss you more than they’ll miss ‘im, eh?’ said Scallywag.

‘Well, they’ll miss us both—’

‘I ‘ave an idea, mateys,’ said Scallywag, turning back to her pirates.

‘What is it, Cap’n?’ asked Toothless Pete, holding out a notebook and a pen.

‘We’ll keep this one as a ‘ostage,’ said Scallywag, pointing her swordfish at Mildred. ‘And we’ll make this one,’ she pointed her swordfish at Barty, ‘WALK THE PLANK!’

‘AYYYYYYY!’ shouted the pirates, and they started dancing around.

‘NOOOO!’ screamed Barty.

‘Then they’ll know we’re serious about wanting our bounty.’

Mildred and the otters cried out as Barty was untied from the group and put on the plank.

‘And tie-up ‘is wings,’ said Scallywag. ‘We don’t want ‘im buzzing away.’

‘Please!’ said Mildred. ‘Please, let Barty be, and I promise we’ll get you 200 chests filled with jellybeans.’

All the penguin pirates stopped.

‘With extra cinnamon ones?’ asked Toothless Pete.

‘With only cinnamon ones if that’s what you want.’

Toothless Pete fell over from the shock.

‘Argh, I’ve never ‘eard of such a thing,’ said Seadog Sally.

‘Please,’ said Mildred. ‘Just let Barty and the otters go. You can keep me hostage until they come back with the jellybeans. There are loads of jellybeans on land. It won’t be a problem.’

‘Lots of jellybeans on land, you say?’ said Rascal Riley.

‘Millions,’ said Mildred. ‘You could give up your pirating ways and just buy jellybeans from the shop.’

All the pirates started muttering to themselves.

‘What you say Cap’n?’ asked Seadog Sally.

Scallywag stroked her parrot. ‘T’would be nice to have jellybeans anytime I want. Maybe even grow me own jellybeans in me own garden.’

‘That’s not how jellybeans wor—’ began Omar, but Mildred stamped on his foot.

‘Exactly,’ said Mildred. ‘You could have all that and more. Maybe even take a bath every now and then.’

‘I do love me a bath Cap’n,’ said Toothless Pete, taking a yellow rubber duck out of his pocket. ‘Especially one with the lavender bubbles. And it wouldn’t hurt to go to the dentist, neither.’

Scallywag looked at the otters all tied up, then back at her crew, and finally to Barty out on the plank.

‘Argh, I ‘ave to follow me, ‘eart,’ she said. ‘And in me ‘eart it’ll always be… THE PLANK!’

Middle Grade

‘Here’s to the all the thinkers, the coffee drinkers, the late-night scribblers and the early morning keyboard tappers, the staring out of window-ers, the head scratchers and moon-gazers, the weepers and the gigglers, the pen-pushers and pencil walkers, the back-of-the-envelope scrawlers and the Post-It note plotters, the thousand-worda-dayers and the god-help-me prayers: here’s what love looks like; they made it for you.’ steve voake

Mabli Bach

If you mushed Wednesday Addams and Jigglypuff together, Mabli is pretty much what you would get. She is a Welsh writer and illustrator of all things spooky who refuses to grow up (it’s a trap!)

Mabli has a BA in Animation and worked as a freelance animator and storyboarder before joining the Writing for Young People MA at Bath Spa.

When Mabli isn’t writing or drawing, she can be found dancing or hanging out with her dog, whom she suspects is a crocodile in disguise. She also loves to travel and has been on many European road trips, where she visited fairytale castles and one time, escaped an evil toilet. She also loves visiting Austria where she practices speaking German and skis (and falls) down snowy mountains.

In the future Mabli hopes to become very rich, take over the world and live in a haunted castle with many croco-dogs.

mablibach@gmail.com / @mablibach

About Draculand

Alex hunts monsters. Ivanna is a vampire. Dewi is . . . uh, dead. It’s up to them to save the world.

When a mysterious theme park appears out of nowhere and children start to go missing, teen monster hunter Alex Jäger suspects dark forces are at work. Together with disgraced vampire princess, Ivanna, and Dewi Dipford the scared ghost, they must traverse the weirdness of Draculand and find the missing children. But someone, or something, is watching… always watching.