We’ve all been lied to many times in our lives. For the most part, these lies come out of the same mouths that tell us time and time again that lying is wrong. Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, God, they’ve all been made up in order to keep us on our best behaviour. But it worked. The threat of what is essentially an elaborate conspiracy between parents worldwide kept us on our best behaviour when it counted the most – when we were in the company of relatives. THE TE AM: Kelsey Heinrichs, Emily Donohoe, Bette Ward, Charlotte Lynch & Rachael Melmeth. C ONTRIBUTORS: Adele Reed, Belinda Davis & Nikki Lake, Dan Zev, Goran Jovanovic, Jessie Power, Joshua White, Kate Rampling, Neese Gill & Sarah Wally. BATS is indepedently published in Brisbane, Australia. contact @ batsmagazine.com batsmagazine.com blog.batsmagazine.com facebook.com/batsmagazine
There are small lies, though, and then there are big ones. Wikileaks-sized lies that define whole political eras. “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” “We’re looking for WMDs” and practically every scandal that ever ended with the suffix “-gate” has given us enough proof to believe that politicians lie more than a sexually active teenager. And just like when your Mum found hundreds of naked pictures of you on the internet, politicians will lie and lie again to keep the original lie afloat. Come on now, we all know how difficult it is to get your hands on roofies, and really, you are clearly not passed out but awake and alert, not to mention enjoying yourself. The constant lying that comes from politicians can make it difficult to understand what is true, and what is a conspiracy, especially if you yourself are an actual crazy person. Does it make me a paranoid schizophrenic to admit that I thought the moon landing was a little suss? You may not think I’m crazy, but the government does, and they’re trying to read my thoughts. Do you know how tiny they can make microphones these days? Smaller than your eye… or my eye. Small enough to be inside my own eye…
BY CHARLOTTE LYNCH #1 CHRIST WAS RESURRECTED
#2 THE IMMACULATE CONCEPTION
Yes, he was. Nothing beats the original zombie tale of Christ returning from the dead to chill with his buddies, watch some UFC and play COD. John forgot to bring the Doritos so the other guys made him touch Jesus’ weird undead crucifix scars. Jesus and Mary Magdalene spent some alone time in the hot tub but Judas ruined the mood when he told them he’d peed in there earlier.
The birth of Jesus really is the biggest lol of all. Poor Mary, poor Joseph, poor Jesus. Kudos to them though because they were literally the 1 in a zillion who have actually convinced many people to believe what is pretty much the most common lie of all time, the “I’m a virgin” lie. You don’t see that on 16 and Pregnant.
#3 THE DEVIL Many years ago, the devil was a genuinely scary dude. That was before everyone started awkwardly pretending that he never even existed in the first place. At the very least it created great subject matter for books and movies. Rosemary’s Baby was an awesome movie. Have you seen that new movie Devil? About the people in the elevator? It’s really shit. No one gives a fuck about the devil any more, so the powers that govern had to start creating other scary things like terrorists, WMDs and asylum seekers.
#4 THE AFTERLIFE I feel sorry for Earth. We can never be happy with Earth as it is. The thing that shits me about images of the afterlife is that, firstly, no one has any clue of what it looks like so why pretend like you do and secondly, the décor of both Heaven and Hell is never as bad or as good as stuff you can find here on earth. Like the beach, for example… I would much rather chill for the rest of eternity at the beach, or on top of a mountain, or in a rainforest or even just in my own bed, rather than in the clouds, as many artists portray Heaven. Even the fiery depths of Hell seem quite tame in comparison to the shit that goes on in our own world. I know there’s more to Heaven and Hell than what’s described in The Simpsons. But considering how much I love the beach, Heaven better be fucking awesome to even compare.
#5 HOMOSEXUALITY AS A SIN “But the Bible says so!”. The Bible says many things that are bullshit. For example, Deuteronomy 22 says: “Do not plant two kinds of seed in your vineyard. Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together. Do not wear clothes of wool and linen woven together. Make tassels on the four corners of the cloak you wear.” (wtf?) That’s all out of the same book that says homosexuality is an abomination. If people would generally get the fuck over it and get on with their own lives they would have more time to appreciate the many awesome things gays bring to this world, including but not limited to; Queen, Kylie, Lady Gaga, musical theatre, The Beat and The Village People.
#6 MIRACLES You often see families on TV talking about their own little miracle. It’s usually a sick child who has remarkably recovered thanks to a whole lot of prayer and the almighty man upstairs. What they don’t often acknowledge is that the child was sick in the first place, that was certainly no miracle. If there really was a man upstairs why didn’t he interject slightly earlier, save the family a whole lot of stress and even save himself a bit of extra effort. If a person prays every night of their life for 80 or so years, and one of those prayers comes true, well those odds sound pretty fucking terrible to me. But
regardless, like Jesus with his bread and fish, and the survivors of 9/11, everything’s a miracle when you’re the lucky one.
#7 GOD ALMIGHTY Ah, the man upstairs. Heavenly Father I mean, not that weird paedophile that lives upstairs from you in your apartment complex. The creator, as they call him, or alternatively, the imaginary friend of the masses. “But he exists. You’re just not blessed with faith.” Ouch. The whole “I know something you don’t know” bullshit that surrounds modern Christianity is a real kicker. Well, I know shit too. Not very much but I didn’t just make it up in my head at least. I know how to make mars bar slice and yeah it’s not the same as a higher power but IT ACTUALLY EXISTS. I know because I saw it with my eyes and ate it and it was delicious.
#8 CREATION “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth… And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light” (Genesis 1:1) So, let me get this straight. Not only did he create everything out of nothing, but he did it in the dark? What the fuck? Why not just turn on the lights before you start, I don’t know, creating the universe? I’m glad he had the lights on to create Adam and Eve, considering he already kind of monumentally fucked up by putting the evil snake in the garden with them. Science can now clearly prove that humans didn’t just appear on earth 6,000 years ago, they actually evolved over hundreds of thousands of years. You really don’t have to be a scientist to understand evolution, just go to the zoo and look at the gorillas for fuck’s sake.
#9 THE POPE He’s not such a bad guy. He was a member of the Hitler Youth, but hey, weren’t we all? There was that time that he and his guys at the Vatican said that the washing machine was more important for the liberation of women than the contraceptive Pill. Then the time he said condoms are the reason for AIDS, then went back and said no wait it’s okay for male prostitutes to use them, and then in a separate statement he said that of course female and transsexual prostitutes can use them too. But does that mean prostitution is okay? Stay tuned.
#10 CHRIST WILL RETURN Even if I did believe that Christ will one day return to planet earth and save us from our sins for a second time, I highly doubt that anyone will believe him. In fact, there is a high likelihood that he already has returned, somewhere in the Deep South and has already been institutionalised with a severe case of paranoid schizophrenia.
///_ART///////////////// FILL IN THE BLANKS: My name is Sarah-Kate Webb, but you can call me Cheese-cake. I grew up in Nelson Bay, but I’m currently residing in Sydney. I studied Fine-Arts at The University of Newcastle. I make money by drawing pictures for milkandhoney and in my spare time I like to op-shop until my fingers bleed. I secretly wish I could be organised, though I am incredibly grateful for my boyfriend Grahame who puts up with my chaos. My art consists of anything and everything I can get my hands on. You can view more of my work at some-kindof-beautiful.blogspot.com
CONT >>
IN WHAT WAY DOES FASHION AND CURRENT TRENDS INFLUENCE YOUR WORK?
SILKSCREEN OR THE SILVER SCREEN? SILKSCREEN! Heaven.
When doing placements or yardages for milkandhoney, fashion and current trends is all I have in mind. It’s really easy to be too early and really easy to be too late with trends. We design a year in advance, so it’s all about predicting what will hit and at what time. This is always in the back of my mind when making the art. But my personal work? Never. Inspiration comes more internally than externally.
HOME MADE OR MADE IN CHINA? A little from column A and a little from column B.
WHAT WAS IT LIKE MAKING THE BIG MOVE FROM A SMALL TOWN TO SYDNEY WITH NO REAL PLANS IN ACTION? Terrifying and exciting. I knew big things were on the horizon, I just didn’t know when. But that’s when the best things in life happen. When you make sacrifices and go out on a whim.
DO YOUR ARTWORKS REFLECT YOURSELF PERSONALLY IN ANY WAY? Depending on what mood I’m in depends on what I create. It’s definitely a reflection of some part of me.
HOW DID YOU BENEFIT FROM STUDYING FINE ART AT UNIVERSITY? WOULD YOU RECOMMEND IT TO OTHER ASPIRING ARTISTS OUT THERE? All I heard from the lecturers when I was there was to “mingle until you make it.” I always HATED that mentality. But hey, I got my job through a friend so maybe they’re right? - Thanks Belinda! So now you know in three seconds what I learnt in three years.. you all probably don’t need to go to Uni now.
AT WHAT POINT DID YOU REALISE YOU WANTED TO MAKE ART YOUR CAREER? Growing up in a creative family I never really fit in to the school system. I liked art and fashion instead of maths and english. The only place I felt at ease would be in art class. My year 11 teacher Mrs. Goodwin always made me feel like I had the world at my feet. I didn’t know what else I could do? The thought of being anything else just freaks me out.
WHICH PEOPLE HAVE INSPIRED YOU THE MOST TO DO WHAT YOU DO? Easy. My Dad – he’s an artist too. I would kill to paint like him, he’s a total genius. Also I used be really shy about my work. I always thought I was one of those people that go on Australian Idol and think they can sing, but the whole world is really laughing at them. So I never really would put any of my art out there for the world to see. My boyfriend Grahame in the past few years has pushed me heaps to do things I wouldn’t normally do. Like submit my work to places and get it out there. I guess that’s the push I really needed.
ETCH-A-SKETCH OR ETCHING? w When I was young I got an Etch-a-Sketch and it blew my mind. It still does. Where can I buy one actually?
CRAFT OR KRAFT? I’d like to do craft while eating Kraft cream cheese on toast. Is that okay? WEARING PLAID OR GETTING LAID? Plaid turns me on. FRANCIS BACON OR A BACON & EGG MCMUFFIN? Francis Bacon please. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE ACHIEVED IN TEN YEARS TIME? Complete and Utter happiness.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE ACHIEVED BY THIS TIME TOMORROW? My New Year’s resolution was to learn to cook. I’m not talking like a roast or anything, I struggle to make 2 minute noodles!! I’m hopeless. Tonight I’m testing out how to use a fry pan. It will be a massive achievement if I can pull it off.
WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR 2011? ANY EXHIBITIONS OR UPCOMING PROJECTS? Definitely, I have some ideas in the pipe-line that i’m working on at the moment. I’ll hopefully exhibit at the end of the year, and in the mean time I want to head to Mexico and get inspired. I’ll hopefully head over in the next few months.
DRAW US A BAT:
BY EMILY DONOHOE
As I play Lazy - X-Press 2 ft David Byrne for the 99th time I am left to ponder “what have I achieved these past two years”. Since leaving school, my daily routines, lacking structure, have fallen all too easily to my cocoon of laziness and warped concepts of life. The changes were subtle but now deep-seeded; buzz Australian bands like Mercy Arms and the like were soon replaced by George Michael, Jamiroquai and ATB, only would I emerge out of this musical bubble when traveling in the car listening to Triple J and hanging out for John Safran and Father Bob, unable to comprehend Triple J’s fondness for Kanye West. Was I turning into my mother? Nature vs. Nurture, the age old theory, displayed through my cats who, from the age of 8 weeks, were subjected to techno blasting from my struggling Windows computer, they quite frankly don’t know any better and neither do my broken ear hairs resulting in a constant buzzing in my ear (much like an episode of The Circle). Was I destined to love Craig David or was it a result from my mother’s influence, hearing her “Soundtracks to The Weekend” from an early age? Only time, a halter neck top and an array of cargo pants would tell. Aside from catching up with friends, work and Uni, living in your own devices can result in critiquing ads and television programs silently to yourself (let’s face it, George Negus is a bigger joke than the current season of Underbelly) and observing the many failed attempts of high school friends long lost on Facebook, their effort to photoshop their thunder thighs really isn’t fooling anyone, “Troll in the dungeon” to
quote Professor Quirrell. And much like a Sookie Stackhouse novel, before you know it it’s night time and the end of another chapter. My behavior progressed towards watching countless television series, immersing myself in their world, until one day I laughed along side one of the characters as if I were “one of them”. Enough was enough, I took out my ear phones (to also be able to talk at an acceptable audio level) and closed my laptop with a firm hand. Along side these other habitual activities, was Extreme Solitaire (where one plays with the music as loud as it can go), this all needed to stop. Entering my third year of Uni, I was also entering my third year of processed food and little to no exercise. After getting genuinely tired after walking up a mild hill, I decided to skip as a form of exercise, as many others tell themselves “30 minutes a day”. However, after picking up my skipping-rope, I soon discovered it was too short, and so out of frustration that endeavour was soon abandoned. “2011; look out world here I come” - the words uttered by many a single 30 year old, promising themselves to go for their dreams and live in the now. I’d like to say that I’ll start my Uni assignment as soon as I get them, that I’m going to eat better, start some form of exercise (as a psychic once told me I had bad circulation and I desperately needed to, maybe the pale skin was a dead give away) and that I’ll get out there and start something new. But the truth is, I probably won’t even keep my New Year’s resolution; to transfer my music from Windows Media Player to iTunes. But as we all promise ourselves, this year is going to be different.
A LOOK IN TO THE WORLD OF COMPANIONSHIP BY BETTE WARD The life of a tween, only child living in inner-city apartments can be difficult at times when you have a two-metre yard without grass and a mother with big feet who somehow always managed to step on your Polly Pockets. So during the school holidays, I entertained myself with a number of crap pets of which I would try to take excellent care, thus proving to my mother that I was ready for a pet that would actually answer to its own name. My wish came true when I was blessed with a creamy-coloured-meow-machine named Mr. Bikkies, but before that I had hundreds of shitty pets, most of which gave me no satisfaction whatsoever. There are three grades of shitty pets and it is extremely important to know these grades. They are graded on their levels of interaction, life expectancy and general enjoyment.Â
// GRADE # 1 is for the pets that don’t exhibit any of the seven signs of life. These are your mere household and garden variety objects that you, for some reason, form a ridiculous and compelling bond with. Including but not limited to; rocks, shells, gnomes and dead flowers. Often adorned with googly eyes and pipe-cleaners that when viewed now, look more like a freaky voodoo doll than a lovable family pet. Which is why I now understand why my Mum had to throw them all out after I lined them all up on the bottom of her bed for her birthday. I also include in this category; pets that come from popular television shows and movies aka characters that I for some reason felt sorry for and therefore needed to take care of. For example, in The Simpsons’ episode in which a meteor was hurtling towards Earth and everyone takes refuge in Flanders’ bomb shelter and kicks him out. Now I felt extremely sorry for Flanders and felt it necessary to make a tiny house for a tiny Ned Flanders’ doll that I made. Strange? Well, most probably, but I had a very soft heart and a compulsion to have someone or something to hug, though after a while this wasn’t enough and I needed a real friend that I could pet, touch and teach tricks. This brings me to my next grade.
// GRADE # 2 comes from a long line of “friends” created for children living in apartments or for children of parents who can’t be fucking bothered to buy their child a real pet. I am talking about automated pets. A line of plastic dogs, cats and birds that I believe were called Poo-Chis. I begged my mother to buy me one and finally she gave in for Christmas of ’99. Sadly, my Aunt also had the same idea and bought me one too. Little did my Mum know at the time that when you get two Poo-Chis they can talk to each other. Eight days after Christmas I went to bed and woke up the next morning to no Poo-Chis, my mother informing me that they had a fight to death. Though it wasn’t until years later that I found out that she had been unable to work out how to turn them off and had therefore thrown them off the balcony, leading them to a horrible and dirt filled death. Rumor has it that years later you could still hear them whimper under the now asphalt covered driveway. After that, my Mother decided to buy me an electronic bird from the same toy line that somehow ended up under the couch cushions and the arse of my robust Uncle. So ended my affair with electronic pets and an upgrade on the companion ladder. // GRADE # 3 is the best a child can hope for in a shit pet. This is a serious move up on the ladder with a pet that can actually breathe/move on their own without a leash or batteries. My first taste came at the 2001 EKKA, where my mother permitted me to have some of those fish you catch yourself at Sideshow Alley. I decided to name them all after the cast of Titanic; Jack, Rose, Cal, Mr. Andrews, Ruth and Fifth Officer Harold Lowe. Much like the original
Titanic, my fish all died a watery death within seven days. Though a testament does go to my Mother whom replaced them weekly for six weeks until I noticed that my yellow goldfish had somehow turned a dark orange, “it happens when they get older” yeah, whatever Mum, and that’s why Michael Jackson turned white. My next taste came in show and tell, a girl at school bought in her pet silk worms, meaning that of course I too had to get some. Though they turned out to be totally shit. I couldn’t hold them, pat them and they couldn’t even see me. Yet none-the-less I was ecstatic about having a pet that didn’t require batteries. Unfortunately, I decided to colour code them with highlighter markers; little did I know that the ink in highlighter pens actually kills silk worms. After giving my worms a proper Jewish burial I was walking home, tears in my eyes when I kicked a rock and oddly enough it walked, it was then I got a slight boost on the pet ladder and realized it was a Hermit Crab that had somehow ended up in inner city Paddington. “Hermy” as he was affectionately known met a similar end to Homer’s pet crab “Pinchy” in a an overly warm salt bath. Though he was only with me three hours, it felt that Hermy had been with me my whole life. To ease the hurt of the death of three different species of pets in just six months, my Mum, for some reason, thought it would be a great idea to get me another pet. A budgie named “Peatry”. He had an alright run for a few months though he did have a few near ends when he went missing for hours on end, only to be located on varies pot plants throughout the house. Sadly, he met his end after being bitten by green ants. It was then that I went into a deep, dark depression, questioning my young luck with pet mortality, I went through a phase of catching small geckos and naming them Ducky. It was then that one afternoon my mother announced that I would be receiving a kitten and over a decade later, Mr. Bikkies still reigns strong, and although he has a small bald patch and he can’t walk up stairs without taking a small break, he does the trick pretty well. He’s kind of like that lion at the museum that is motionless bar the occasional motorised flick of the tail. But, alas, bullshit pets that offer little to absolutely no companionship are kind of necessary. For the rocks, lizards and other household and garden items are needed as you graduate the three pet grades. Thereby making sure that if your mum sees you dragging a rock by a piece of string around the yard enough times she’ll at least buy you a pity guinea pig. But in the end I didn’t really want a pet I could play fetch with, or teach fancy tricks, all I ever really wanted was a pet that when I called out its named would at least look at me with some sort of recognition. That and was house trained.
//////////////////////// // /////////MUSiC / / / / / / / / / / / / / www.seekae.com With the tremendous honour of having the Australian Council of Arts grant ‘Soundclash’ bestowed upon them, it looks as though Australian electronica phenomenon Seekae will be doing more winning in 2011 than the crowned King himself, Charlie Sheen. With an authentic vibe and fresh sound, Seekae are proving themselves as one of the most promising Australian artists set to dominate the global music scene and with a UK tour about to kick-off, we caught up with one member of the trio, George, to see how life on the road is treating them…
HOW IS LIFE LIVING ON THE ROAD (TOURING)? Life on the road is good! It’s kind of easy to get really comfortable living the lifestyle and sometimes you take a step back and think, “Hey! I’m being paid to travel Australia playing music that you know, started in our bedrooms.”
WHERE IN THE WORLD ARE YOU MOST EXCITED TO PERFORM? We might be doing a show in Romania, which is pretty exciting. I think just playing anywhere outside of Australia is something great for us. It’s definitely a good thing being able to play our music overseas to people thousand and thousands of miles from where we created it.
HOW HAS SEEKAE EVOLVED SINCE RECEIVING THE AUSTRALIAN COUNCIL OF THE ARTS GRANT, ‘SOUNDCLASH’? Firstly, it kind of made us realise that this might be a little bit more serious than we first expected, and maybe we were actually able to some money into actually getting a studio, getting some instruments and you know, taking things out of our bedrooms and into a studio environment.
CONSIDERING YOUR LAST ALBUM [THE SOUND OF TREES FALLING ON PEOPLE] WAS DESCRIBED AS “ONE OF THE TOP TEN ALBUMS OF THE DECADE”, DO YOU FEEL THERE IS ANY PRESSURE FOR YOUR 2ND ALBUM [+DOME] TO LIVE UP TO ANY PRECONCEIVED STANDARDS? Yeah, there’s heaps and heaps of pressure. I’m not gonna sit here and say we wrote this second album not really caring about what people think and saying, “fuck all the haters,”. There’s definitely more pressure than the first album, because people now have their own expectations of what it’s going to be like and while you want to produce something new and different to the first album, you also don’t want to make something completely opposite.
I’VE NOTICED THAT PEOPLE FIND IT DIFFICULT TO DESCRIBE YOUR MUSIC IN ONE WORD OR GENRE. IF YOUR SOUND/MUSIC WAS A TV CHARACTER, WHO WOULD IT BE AND WHY? I don’t know. I’m just gonna say Jerry Seinfeld, ‘cause he’s my favourite TV Character. Sorry, I’m not very good at thinking of these things on the spot!
WE HEAR YOU’RE TOURING THE UK SOON, WHAT SHOWS OVER THERE ARE YOU MOST EXCITED ABOUT PLAYING?
IF YOU COULD RESCUE ONE PERSON FROM BEHIND THE VEIL (BRING A PERSON BACK FROM THE DEAD) WHO WOULD THAT BE? I don’t know, probably Jesus.
GROWING UP, WHO DID YOU SING ALONG TO ON THE RADIO? Cyndi Lauper was a definite favourite.
THE WORST FILM YOU HAVE SEEN IN THE PAST 12 MONTHS THAT MAKES MEAN GIRLS 2 SEEM LIKE A BLOCK BUSTER CLASSIC? I haven’t actually seen too many bad films. If I had to pick the worst, it’d probably be Inception – I wasn’t really that impressed by it.
HOW HAS GROWING UP IN SYDNEY INFLUENCED YOUR MUSIC? Having outlets to great music is always an influence. There’s not much to it really, I guess. Sydney’s just a great city to grow up in and be a part of.
IS THERE ANY FAMOUS FIGURE WHO YOU FEEL COULD LEGITIMATELY REVEAL THEMSELVES AS JESUS ONE DAY? EG. MORGAN FREEMAN Yeah. He’s a pretty God-like creature.
Ah, I actually don’t know where most of our shows are booked, but honestly we’re excited to just to be touring the UK, it should be awesome.
PORNSTAR NAME (TAKE THE NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET AND COMBINE IT WITH THE NAME OF THE STREET WHERE YOU LIVED AS A CHILD):
MOBY OR MOBY DICK? Moby. Fuck yeah.
Skinny Cook.
REMIXED OR MIXED DRINKS? Both.
IF YOU COULD LOOK IN A CRYSTAL BALL RIGHT HERE AND NOW WHAT WOULD YOU HOPE TO SEE FOR SEEKAE?
MICKEY AVALON OR MICKEY MOUSE? Neither. RING OF FIRE OR HUNGRY JACKS FIERY ONION RINGS? Ring of Fire is awesome but definitely Hungry Jacks.
Shit loads of money, girls, jet-skis and jets.
WHAT’S THE MOST ECCENTRIC CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU’VE EVER COME ACROSS? Ah, that’s a pretty complex question to ask on the spot! I guess the “moon landing” conspiracy is probably the most bizarre one I can think of.
WE HEARD A CONSPIRACY THEORY THAT DUMBLEDORE IS ACTUALLY GAY… [Laughs] Really? Yeah, that’s pretty fucked up!
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A REALLY UNFORTUNATE SITUATION WHERE YOU’VE SIMPLY DECIDED IT’S THE UNIVERSE’S WAY OF KICKING YOU IN THE BALLS FOR BAD BEHAVIOUR? Ah, every single day. I mean, I don’t really believe in karma but being kicked in the balls? Definitely. Yeah, I think every time we play on stage, if we down size the amount of equipment we use or something, then inevitably that little bit of equipment we have actually ends up breaking. I don’t know, that’s a pretty bad example…
+DOME is out now through RICE IS NICE Records riceisnice.net. SEEKAE play Woodland Bar April 15.
FILM REVIEW BY CHARLOTTE LYNCH It’s been a while since there has been such a promising and seemingly big budget Australian film as Wasted on the Young. With a brand new cast of young Australian actors and a hell of a lot of advertising, it’s no wonder the film was so highly anticipated by young Australian audiences. Unfortunately, somewhere between its ridiculous story line and its badly constructed (and at times disgraceful) portrayal of Australian youngsters, Wasted on the Young fell totally short of the mark. The film begins in the change room of the swim team at the elite private school where the film is set. The swim team is made up of a bunch of arrogant and violently sociopathic jocks who rule the school like a posh authoritarian regime. Not all Australian schools are the same, that’s for sure, but the fact that there was no mention of any rugby team reeked of Americanization. So did the entire school, actually, including the uniform, which was remarkably nondescript for an elite private school, who we all know love to bedazzle their students with smart blazers, emblems and silly hats. The king jock, Zack holds a party either every night or every weekend (the timeline is really confusing) at his huge mansion while his introverted step brother hides in his room and plays WoW. The whole school congregates under disco lights in his living room and around the pool to exchange herpes and text messages. One aspect of the movie that really caught my attention was the immense awkwardness that surrounded the people in the background of nearly every shot. I’m not sure if that was an editing fault or a directing fault but I found myself thinking “does that guy have a boner” one too many times. Meanwhile, the jocks and sluts hang out down stairs raping people and doing copious amounts of (in some cases really rare) drugs, I think one guy was actually smoking a crack pipe, which was pretty fucking ridiculous. Quite a stretch from your standard joints and dingas that made appearances
at many of my high school parties. Honestly though, you would be very hard pressed to find a group of high schoolers at a party with such a range of drugs between them, let alone every single weekend. Whoever is their dealer is making a fucking mint off these kids. The characters are really underdeveloped, which is possibly the biggest downfall of this film. They do things that are unexpected and nothing really explains why they are such massive wankers. The script is contrived and as are the characters, and because they are so two dimensional are kind of irredeemable, even the “hero” is deep down a weird psychopath although the acting is actually not bad. Possibly a reason behind the lack of character development could be the fact that there are no adults in the entire film, which in the end does it an injustice because you can’t help but think that it is a severely understaffed school. There are many interesting ideas presented throughout the film which are simply not explored any further. Themes such as rape, mateship, drugs, violence, sex/sexuality and class are left behind in favor of a totally clichéd look at a high school hierarchy badly squeezed into the genre of a psychological thriller. The cinematography was at times stunning, but overdone in that the film’s storyboard would have read like an over achieving film student. In the end it comes down to this: if one more fucking person does a movie about “kids these days” with themes of “txting and social networking” could they please take this into account: we text in the same language that we talk. One fight scene in this movie displayed a text message that said “FITE! FITE! FITE!” Seriously? Give us some fucking credit, we’re teenagers not retards. The whole “new technologies” thing is cheap and ineffective and plenty of popular teenage shows and movies (for example Skins, Misfits and Glee) manage to, for the most part, avoid it.
AN OPEN LETTER TO MRS. EARTH - BY RACHAEL MELMETH You slut. We know the world is supposedly meant to end in 2012, but really, couldn’t you at least prolong the celebration? Let us be lured into a false sense of security before sending us out with a bang? Take a chill pill? Seriously though, give us a break. Your tectonic plates are twisting worse than a menopausal mother’s ovaries. We’ve seen all those bloody awful Z-grade movies. You know the ones: Off the Richter Scale 9.8, Hurricane 8.5, Dooms Day 6.0… the ones that contain a vomit-worthy love story, involve Mother Nature throwing a huge wobbly and a cast of socially inept characters that constantly leaves us asking “who the fuck keeps funding this shit?”. But the days of laughing off such inconceivable possibilities were killed along with that mass cluster of bird deaths in the USA and Sweden earlier this year. Yes, Mother Nature, you’ve got us at a nervous chuckle now. I mean, here in Australia you really gave us a hard time. Sure you gave us Skippy, whom we dearly exploited the fuck out of. And we may have raped your water supply for a while back there. But Jesus, did we really deserve bushfires, torrential
rain, floods and cyclones simultaneously? (Actually, don’t answer that) But it wasn’t just your mostly-friendly-occasionallyracist mates down under that suffered. I know bestiality isn’t your forte but c’mon, New Zealand is everybody’s friend! You sent 65,000 people scattering, motherfucker! That’s like making innocent Butters strap testicles on his chin and then forcing him into a freak show. I mean, who does that? (Don’t answer that, either) Shit may have hit the fan, but you know humanity is pulling through when the drinking games start happening. “Uh oh, half of Antarctica just melted” “Three shots!” “Scientists predict a mass ice age” “Time to skull!” “OMG guyz Angelina Jolie’s pregnant again!“ “… glass to the FACE”. So, I just want to get one thing straight Mother Nature. No matter how big of a tantrum you throw: we’ll be waiting. Come Doomsday, we’ll be there with vodka in hand and the middle finger thrust into the air, because either way, we’re all fucked regardless.
I’ve always been told that power is sexy. It’s a fact that people generally seem to believe, but then I really got to thinking, who are the most powerful people within our society? After strung out sports stars, the women who blow them and Kyle Sandilands I realized that it was politicians. And it was then I realized that it ...was kind of true, despite being four-eyed, big assed and all round bullshitters there is something about Australia’s modern politician that makes me wish I was Monica Lewinsky - BY BETTE WARD.
TONY ABBOT: Tony is your average Aussie/hardcore Christian with an illegitimate ABC working love child. In the end I’d only go near the “shit storm” that is Tony to get close to his daughters, if he’d put them in his election campaign he would’ve been Prime Minister instead of losing to a woman.
PAULINE HANSON: While the majority of her policies are completely ridiculous there is something about this bad girl of politics that I just can’t seem to get enough off. Needless to say, her stint on Dancing with the Stars with those thigh-high slits finally confirmed that the carpet really did match the curtains.
CAMPBELL NEWMAN: Maybe it’s the fact that his election campaign, with shots of him wearing hard hats and carrying random and often confused looking children around Brisbane, have been forever etched into my mind, but there is something about Campbell that is sexy, the kind of guy who would rescue you from a burning building. One thing is for sure, can-do-Campbell-can-do-me.
MARK LATHAM: Who could forget this mental early 2000s electoral candidate, the bad boy of politics, worse than Charlie Sheen whilst sporting transitional lenses. A heart flaming fall from grace ensured with a tell all book and like most other completely insane minor political celebrities a short stint as a 60 Minutes reporter. This bad boy labour leader will always have a soft spot in my heart.
KIM BEAZLEY: Here’s a man who you know slams down the brews after a hard day’s yakka and would always be at the front of the barbeque, a real Aussie, the kind of guy whose theme song would be “True Blue”.
KEVIN RUDD: Kevin 07, a definite former nerd who cried on national television. Kevin identifies with the modern sensitive man. The kind of guy who’d say, “let’s talk about this”, that would cry watching commercials with kittens. But hey I do love a guy who enjoys a white wine and Andrew Denton.
// PHOTOS BY
www.danzev.com
A RANT BY NEESE GILL So it’s March again and it’s hot (despite it technically being autumn) and you get chafe and you have to go back to Uni in 50 degree heat and get crammed into buses with half the Ipswich population and you hate it. But it gets worse because not only do you have to get crotches shoved in your face while you try to relax and listen to The Thong Song on your iPod but you also have to deal with... first years. In a Saharan Desert/Mean Girls scenario, I would be a lion and first years would be a heard of tiny water buffalo and I would go to the river bank with all my mature-aged-student-lion-friends and we would get all up in that tiny buffalo pack and go all Africa-apocalypse on their arse and eradicate that shit nice and quick. Unfortunately real time, non-safari life dictates that I cannot actually hunt and prey first year students, hence my immense dislike of the breed. You may say, “But Neese, you too were once a first year” and I will say to you - “I’m fairly sure I wasn’t such an annoying iPhone yapping slut” and you will say “But Neese, you are so bitter and disillusioned” and I will punch you in the face, rip out your hair extensions and watch your hipster blood seep into the pavement.
I have a lot of rage for first years, generally because I was never such an asshole when I was 17. Listening to first years talk about how random it was that their tit fell out of their midriff top while they were “pinging off their face” at Creamfields is more painful than watching Anne Hathaway try to host the Oscars. It’s not their fault that they are first years, but seriously I don’t care if you’re like totally so excited about meeting all the college babes who will like totally take advantage of you while you chug down jugs of watered down fire engines at the Red Room and weaken your moral fibre. I don’t want to talk to you about Schoolies or how many jager bombs it takes for you to give a blowie to a stranger in the alleyway next to Birdees (yes, this is a true story) and I definitely do not want to go to your 18th birthday party at Kedron Wavell Services Club. Fact of the matter is, is that we can never be friends and the only time I will ever interact with you is if we just so happen to do a group assignment and I will say to you “Oh hey let’s delegate” and you will go “Omg that’s such a good idea! Like there was this one time in highschool when I had to do this assignment with my friend Miriam and but we were like fighting because we were at this dance totally busting it out to The Whistle Song and I look around and my bf is like totally like fingering my friend Miriam and I was all like no way you bitch -” and I will cut her off and say “So yeah, that’s really great kiddo. So how about you write the report and I’ll do a powerpoint... maybe”. and you will say “Yeah totally. Let’s go the Red Room and have some lunch to talk about it!” and I will be running across the great court at 100 km an hour and changing my phone number.
BY RACHAEL MELMETH THERE WAS NO MOON LANDING Apollo 11: it was destined to be Spielberg’s debut movie, a film of all films. Unfortunately, due to a major misinterpretation to broadcast crews and viewers, most people around the world actually thought man was landing on the moon. One frantic look, several million dollars in “hush money” payments and a worldwide cover up later; mankind had apparently reached the unreachable. Speilberg was pretty pissed though. It was, however, nominated for 8 Academy Awards the following year, including “Best Male Actor in a Leading Role” and “Best Bullshit Ever Pulled to a Mass Audience”.
MARGARET THATCHER ISN’T HUMAN America has Superman, Spiderman, Captain America… the list goes on. England realised that they too, needed a superhero. Some one all would look up to, and all would love, and represent England for what it was. And thus, Margaret Thatcher, a literal Iron Lady, was manufactured. Emotionless, stern, prone to the sniffles and the epitome of English boys with mother fetishes (see: Oedipus complex). Perfectly English in every way.
THE TRUTH BEHIND JOHN HOWARD’S EYEBROWS It’s the question that has rocked Yahoo answers and search engines everywhere: what is up with John Howard’s eyebrows? How did such a boring and uncharismatic man remain PM for so long? But
really, the only reason they got in such a horrendous state was because George Bush liked the tickling sensation when old Johnny was kissing his ass.
HAROLD HOLT NEVER DISAPPEARED In 1967 Harold Holt went for a casual swim and seemingly never returned. WRONG. SO WRONG. Harold Holt was just a King of the Sea, trying to search for something more. He only wanted to be part of our world. Unfortunately his dreams were squashed when he realised our world is plagued with famine, corruption, disease and hippies. So he quietly and awkwardly returned to his underwater throne, blaming his absence on being accidently swallowed by an orca. He now enjoys molesting sailors and threatening to eat his faithful Royal Advisor, Sebastian.
ADOLF HITLER LIVES ON Just as Tom Marvolo Riddle freakishly spells “I am Lord Voldemort”, Conrad Nicholson Hilton strangely makes “Chin Soon Conn Adol(f) Hitl(e)r”. Weird, right? Who would have thought the founder of the Hilton hotels was also the committer of genocide, a general Jew “h8r” and eventual maker of evil reincarnates such as Paris and Nicky Hilton? Once he realized he well and truly fucked the Mein Fuhrer gig, he bailed on that shit, sitting in his CEO chair with his CEO ass kissers saying “gee, that Hitler was a prick right?”. Apparently the moustache was transferred onto a comical pet rock.
BY EMILY DONOHOE A cold smile crept across the frozen body of Walt Disney, hidden in his fortress underneath the Pirates of the Caribbean ride in Disney World, as three glittering letters spread across the animated savannah sky; SEX in The Lion King. The words are formed in the night sky when Simba and his pals Timon and Pumbaa contemplate life together on a grassy hill. Many explaining the letters were actually ‘SFX’, an abbreviation for a special effects company but that’s just as bad as an excuse when I was in the second grade, claiming I had said “crab” instead of “crap”. My teacher was not convinced. A friend later told me that Walt Disney was actually cremated, but it still raised the question; what other subtexts, mysteries and conspiracies lie with in our cinema greats? Although Disney is a repeat offender in subtle phallic objects and other profanities incorporated into their animations, there are many other movies with their own secrets. The on set death of Bruce Lee still baffles many. The Chinese star of the movie Enter the Dragon, complained of a headache on set, went to sleep and never woke up. Doctors later stating he had died from medication, while other theories include the supposed curse on his family and others believing he is still alive “and kicking”:P. Bruce Lee, you leave behind a martial arts legacy and a nifty Pokémon, Hitmonlee. I had heard whispers of Piggy’s stunt double’s death on the set of Lord of the Flies, being crushed by one of the prop boulders. But Google was not helping me (a cover-up), forever remaining a mystery and/or a very successful troll. Many other “curses” haunted the actors of various films, one including “the Superman curse”, where everyone that had ever played Superman (with the exception of Smallville) had died prematurely, even the baby from his little space ship/egg, (Gaga why?).
To the “Poltergeist curse” where many actors had met their untimely death, including the main little girl in the trilogy, theorising that the film had “upset the spirits”... many more not believing a bit. On the subject of spirits, the 80s classic, Three men and a Baby, has also had its fair share of mystery with the appearance of a small boy’s ghost in a scene shot in the apartment. The ghost was apparently that of a 9 year old boy, who had supposedly committed suicide in the apartment before his parents sold it. However, it was later revealed that scene was shot in a movie set and the “ghost” was actually a card board cut out of Ted Danson. Each explanation as disturbing as each other. Research rendering many of these theories bullshit, as I so proudly demonstrated that Gandalf and Dumbledore were in fact played by two completely different actors and not “the same one” a confused friend had once claimed to me (she’s a muggle 4 lyfe). Pen and paper in hand, re-watching The Little Mermaid, one could sub in their own dialogue into the restrictive range of expressions whilst the characters are talking. Claiming that 1 minute 33 seconds into the song Kiss the Girl, Aerial had asked if you would like her to “Suck you off”, putting it up on the internet and setting the fact in stone when three of your Facebook friends re-post it. As the cinematic world continues to grow, it is safe to say that many more mysteries and cover-ups will also arise, for now I will leave you to ponder in the words of fallen star Charlie Sheen: “It is what it is… what it was, isn’t what you thought it is, because it is what it is, because you claim so, because you confirm it, because you insist it is what it is and there for it ain’t what it ain’t.”
accessories // BARNETT (available at SOOT.) stylist & director // BETTE WARD photographer // KATE RAMPLING assistants // JESS RAMPLING & EDWINA SINCLAIR model // BRITTNEY
BY JESSIE POWER It disturbs me entirely to imagine an eternity buried underground whilst Goths dance upon my grave, therefore I’ve come to place a great deal of faith in the theory of reincarnation. Here are a few of the weird and wonderful things that I’d like to think my soul will tidily nestle inside once my mortal life is over:
AN OWL: It’s actually rather saddening to realise that I manage to subconsciously relate everything in my life back to Harry Potter and other wizards alike. However, this is only because at present, my days are meaninglessly filled with Jersey Shore, snacks and my shitty, part-time job at a pizza shop. If and when I am reborn as an owl, I will finally be able to spread my wings, leave my muggle days behind and swoop through Diagon Alley, towards Hogwarts like the majestic beast of the night that I so rightly am.
AN ED HARDY T-SHIRT: Bejeweled, bedazzled, fucking heinous. These are the three most common adjectives to describe Ed Hardy clothing. However, to a Guido they are a staple survival item. I have never witnessed such immense joy and excitement over changing one’s shirt before I watched Jersey Shore and it is for that reason that I would like to be reincarnated as an Ed Hardy t-shirt, so that I may be an active participant in “T-SHIRT TIIIIIIIME”.
A MOVABLE CLOTHES LINE: We live in an age of such rich, cultural diversity and as the youth of today, this will only continue to grow. Despite our
many differences, there is one small yet coveted treasure that has managed to bring teenagers together harmoniously and in jest: goon of fortune. It has officially surpassed ‘Pass the Parcel’ as my all-time favourite party game and it would be an honor to keep the legacy of this magical experience alive through offering my mobility as the pioneer in a whole new generation of goon warriors.
A PAIR OF TITS: Who doesn’t love boobs? They are great. Furthermore, I’d have a partner in crime and would no longer be a lone wolf, with a tear slowly rolling down my cheek whispering softly into the breeze, “forever alone…”
A CAT: Some love them, some hate them, hipster bitches pose like them. Cats are the regal Kings of the animal kingdom. I truly envy the life of a domestic house cat, as they spend their life in the way I would wish to, if it were a perfect world: being fed, having my ears scratched and drinking milk. Though some theories of reincarnation would claim that a person’s soul cannot reside within an inanimate object, I refute this belief and will take a rather large dookie on the face of such idealisms. Seriously, no one knows what happens once a living being dies, so leave my ridiculous squanderings and I alone, or else I will reincarnate myself as herpes and haunt you in the most horrific way known to man…
BY EMILY DONOHOE THE WORLD IS FULL OF CONSPIRACISTS WHO ARE UNRAVELING THE WOOL OF IGNORANCE FROM OUR EYES TO GIVE US THE TRUTH (EXCLUDING CHINA AND THEIR INTERNET CENSORSHIP, SORRY, NOT ALLOWED). In the words of Libyan tyrant Colonel Gaddafi, when conspiring on his theories of the real reason behind his peoples revolt; “Their ages are 17. They give them pills at night, they put hallucinatory pills in their drinks, their milk, their coffee, their Nescafé”. With Nestlé shitting themselves and Gaddafi continuing his madness (our prayers are with Libya), we ask ourselves, who are these 17 year olds? Clearly someone or something doesn’t want us to know. Follow us as we take you through a journey of a mildly informative (3 out of 10) quest for the truth.
SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION. Even though, according to Wikipedia (a reliable source), there have been 200 cited cases of spontaneous combustion, I am still inclined to say “Bullshit” as Dr. Karl had once explained to me (via the wireless) that our bodies do not burn like that
unless subjected to extreme heat - which our bodies could not randomly produce. These cited cases were probably the murderers themselves, setting a light to their victims, calling up to say they “simply burst into flames”, stoked at the other end of the line when the operator said “Thank you for calling! We will get an ambulance there straight away.” All the while watching the flames with a pyromaniac-erection. Much like Lyn Scully off Neighbours (the true Ramsay St arsonist), every year or two, something’s got to burn.
GLOBAL WARMING Funnily enough, many people in the world believe that the scientific reasonings which explain that the change in world temperature is due to our contribution of green house gases, is one big lie. A lie supposedly created by the World’s government to be used as a scare campaign, introducing carbon taxes and the like to get rich quick. The topic is still a risky one for many and the education of it has not been fully grounded as it has “yet to be proven” (although accpeted by all of the scientists in the world}). This confusion of Global Warming has left many in the dark, including one nation’s member Ian Nelson who recently asked the panel on Q&A about the carbon tax;
“Isn’t CO2 the enemy?” *giggles from audience* “Well it is, isn’t it?! I don’t know, I can’t see how we can have too much.”. Here’s the shovel Ian, keep digging.
EXTRATERRESTRIAL LIFE Please refer to: youtube.com/watch?v=BXDd-IxhD7I
BERMUDA TRIANGLE The Sea World ride of my youth that truly gave me the shivers, however on returning when I was 12, I found the struggling robotic structures vandalized and neglected. The Bermuda triangle, residing around the vicinities of the he straight of Florida, the Bahamas and the Caribbean making a shape of hipster’s delight: a triangle, famous for the disappearances of air crafts and ships alike for centuries. There are many theories of supernatural and extra terrestrial involvement, one such case reported the crew of a ship being beamed up to space. I once watched a documentary on this but was later distracted with a repeat of The Simpsons, however they did try to get to the bottom of these oceanic oddities discussing rich deposits of methane hydrates, rogue waves and tropical hurricanes, all of which could cause a boat to sink all on God’s personal game of Battle Ship.
JONBENÉT RAMSEY Too soon? Well no, it’s almost been fifteen years. JonBenét was born on August 6th 1990 and was killed on Christmas Day of 1996. JonBenét, most iconic for being a child pageant Queen, was found in the basement of her Colorado house 8 hours after a ransom note was found. She suffered blunt trauma to her skull and was strangled with a piece of string. Many theories lie within this case... was it the father? There were no footprints in the snow outside the house, and it was bizarre that no one heard the girl scream in their own home. Later developments lead to a man admitting the deed but DNA ruling him out. The case, for now, forever remaining cold.
THE MOON LANDING In the 3rd grade, the race began to collect Pokémon cards and “catch ‘em all” and so, along with my fellow class mates, I bought as many of the Japanese exports as I could. But it wasn’t enough, I wanted to be the master of all Pokémon card collectors. With the help of some holographic contact I had left over from covering my school books and a Tazo from Pizza Hut, I created my own makeshift “Mew” card. Only allowing others to view it from a distance as it was “very valuable” and also to hide its poorly made features. This was a similar story to the race to the moon, although NASA did not care for Pokémon. Being the high achievers that they were, on the 20th of July 1969 America had landed on the moon. What the public didn’t see was a stressed NASA on the night of the 19th creating the biggest “all nighter” project of their lives, hands covered in glue and glitter (space dust, they called it). Discrepancies of the camera lenses, wind direction, light exposures and similar to my makeshift Pokémon card, much of the original evidence had been lost or tampered with... perhaps to cover-up the poor craftsmanship
of the paper mache Moon. Three more years of these trips were made and we have not been back since. Creating the question, did we ever go there at all? U S of A, we salute you. Thank you for McDonald’s, True Blood and Wendy’s Quake Shakes.
JKF ASSASSINATION The grassy knoll, more like the grassy troll. There were many possible vantage points on the November 22, 1963 such as the Texas School Book Depository that have been named as possible areas where the bullet was shot. Rocking the world and freaking Jackie out. Many have been named but never proven. We may never know who shot the bullet, but one things for sure, someone sure as hell did it and this time they can’t blame it on the dog.
AREA 51 Area 51, the military base in southern Nevada, is a Makkah of conspiracy theories due to its secretive and restrictive nature. Such theories include a greater knowledge that the government is not sharing on the subject of aliens, testing space crafts, testing the inhabitants, time and space travel. Trespassers receive a hefty fine along with reported cases of visits from the FBI, one such report stated the sighting of an underground railway. Perhaps it is no secret that much of the base’s work is underground, even though the air space above it is a no fly zone and most aerial shots have been “lost:. Tool’s song Faaip De Oiad is a supposed recording of a phone call made to an am American radio station by a man that had just allegedly left Area 51. Was ABC’s Jeopardy right all along? As I so enjoyed telling a five year old that it was. I was of course lying and apparently so was the anonymous phone caller, but time and space travel is perhaps a better financial endeavour than the current proposal for the National Broadband Scheme. Who knows, “the truth is out there”.
SEPTEMBER 11 The attacks of 9/11 are instilled in our memories as the day the great political nation was attacked right in its heart. Although Al-Qaeda repeatedly took responsibility for the attacks, many years later, conspiracists believe the attack was orchestrated to some extent by the U.S. government. A poll commissioned by 911Truth.org found that 63.6% of Americans believe that Arab fundamentalists were responsible for 9/11 while 26.4% of believed that “certain elements in the U.S. government knew the attacks were coming but consciously let them proceed for various political, military and economic reasons” and 4.8% of them believe that “certain U.S. Government had planned the attack in order to get the Middle East’s oil”. Some believe the Pentagon was attacked by a missile from some unknown source, others say the twin towers could not have exploded the way they did from just a plane crash (that there were bombs in the building too) plus there are eye witnesses that report seeing an explosion before impact. As the years go by, the conspiracies for this event continue to grow and contort in a web of blame and lies, let’s just leave it be in peace.
FA S H i O N / / / D E S i G N / / / / / / / / / Google “worst fashion label in the world” and Pete Versus Toby, a now Sydney-based street wear and art collective, come in as the #1 hit. Although this search engine result is misleading, in some cases they really could be considered the worst fashion label in the world; they don’t follow rules or trends and even go as far as to publicly mock what others would consider fashion “royalty”. They don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks, and that’s why we love them. It’s ever since their humble beginnings in Byron Bay that they’ve been making a difference, one 100% Australian organic t-shirt at a time, creating incredibly cool designs that, in more cases than not, generally stick it to the man. We had the chance to ask the team behind PVT about their motivations, thoughts and upcoming projects.
WHO EXACTLY IS BEHIND PETE VERSUS TOBY, AND WHAT IS EACH OF YOUR ROLES? Damian Gordon and Marco Zirov are behind Pete Versus Toby. Other main contributors include: Raina Hede, Paschal Grenquist, Van Grenquist, Antoine Ryan and Karla. We are currently collaborating with Andy Uprock for our 2011 range “POST-GRAVITY”. DO YOU IDENTIFY THE CLOTHES YOU MAKE AS ART OR AS FASHION? We feel that we have created a new genre, it’s called ATHLETIC ART… Life is a living process and we will define this genre more over time. WHY DO YOU FEEL IT’S IMPORTANT THAT YOUR LABEL PROMOTES A RECOGNITION AND RESPECT FOR ABORIGINAL CULTURE? The Australian culture is a mixed bunch of tourists. We felt it was our part in the continual process of reconciliation and bridging the gap. When we work with local Koori artists and kids, it is really for the future of Australia. Our Koori shorts are going to be bigger than Ken Done, honestly they are going to be the cultural icon of our tribal youth movement… ONE OF YOUR LABEL’S MISSIONS IS TO LEGALISE MARIJUANA, CONSIDERING WE’VE SEEN A FEMALE PRIME MINISTER IN 2010, WHEN WOULD YOU HOPE AUSTRALIA LEGALISES THE INFAMOUS PLANT? Well honestly Australia is always a few years behind Big Daddy (Amerikkka) hopefully we import their Medicinal program in the next couple of years. Marco has a medicinal marijuana license for California, we might put it on a shirt soon… THEORETICALLY, WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT IF “PETE” ACTUALLY DID VERSE “TOBY”? The whole joke about the “versus” in our name is that we are really peaceful and don’t believe in fighting. The only real explanation could be that there are two sides to everything, like life and death. WHAT WAS IT LIKE MAKING THE MOVE FROM BYRON BAY TO SYDNEY? Going from a small country town to the biggest city in Australia was intense. It’s taken 4.5 years and we now feel like Sydney is a small town, and it’s epic.
YOU’VE MADE DESIGNS THAT FEATURE GENITALIA, SEXUAL ACTS AND DRUG PARAPHERNALIA... IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WON’T PUT ON A T-SHIRT? NO WAY! FUCK RULES… IF YOU COULD TAKE A RIDE IN DOC’S (AKA EMMETT BROWN) CAR AND GO BACK IN TIME TO WHEN YOU FIRST STARTED YOUR LABEL, WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR PAST SELF? Communication is the key. Actions speak louder than words, eye contact and face to face connections will always triumph online promises. WHAT FASHION TRENDS AND “RULES” DO PETE VERSUS TOBY GO AGAINST? Wearing the same colour shoe on both feet. SOME OF YOUR DESIGNS CAN BE CONSIDERED CONTROVERSIAL, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY TO ANY OF THE HATERS OUT THERE? We don’t care about haters. Plus so many people love what we do for Australian culture, we focus on the positive people around us. WHAT’S IN STORE FOR PETE VERSUS TOBY FOR THE REST OF 2011? Educational installations in ZION, Andy Uprock is our foreign correspondent with outer world beings interdimensional consciousness that helps. Definite offline swagger, we have a basketball team at the high court of Sydney with Dominique Wilkins, basically we are living in “POST-GRAVITY”, it’s about moving past the belief that anything can hold us down. IN WHAT WAYS IS PETE VERSUS TOBY INVOLVED WITH THE LOCAL COMMUNITY? Our music and art is involved with the entire Sydney creative community. We work with the local indigenous group GENERATION ONE. WHERE IN THE WORLD CAN OUR READERS FIND YOUR THREADS? At our store ZION - 256 Crown St Darlinghurst, Sydney. We also stock at a variety of exclusive boutiques throughout Australia, New Zealand, Japan and the U.K. All locations are on our website: peteversustoby.com