“IN MY HEART,

I’d never had this feeling where I was so overcome with my thoughts that I was like, ‘I can’t do anything right now,’” Carr said as he sat at a table in the lounge of an East Bay hotel. “The thought was, ‘You need to stop playing football and preach.’”

Carr didn’t hesitate to speak back at his inner voice. “I’m thinking, ‘I’ve dreamed of being an NFL quarterback my whole life, so chill out.’”

But chilling was easier said than done for the restless rookie. Carr was soon knocking at the door of Dennis Allen, telling his head coach he was considering walking away from the sport before ever participating in a single padded practice.

“He didn’t take it too great, obviously,” Carr said with a chuckle. “He didn’t even know what to say to me.”

Although veteran Matt Schaub had been signed as a free agent, Carr’s work in the offseason had made it clear he would be ready to play as a rookie.

Some 13 years earlier, running back Napoleon Kaufman, a talented former first-round draft pick, retired after six seasons to devote his life to ministry. The Raiders signed Charlie Garner and moved on.

This was different. Carr had formed an instant bond with his teammates. His arm made Schaub’s look like a pop gun. Carr was smart, mature and more game-ready than anyone had realized. The Raiders were convinced they’d gotten a franchise quarterback at No. 36 overall to go along with linebacker Khalil Mack at No. 5.

With a franchise quarterback and an elite pass rusher in the fold, things were looking up. Only now a big part of the equation was in question.

What ensued was an ultra-secret period of damage control. Allen quickly sent a text to offensive coordinator Greg Olson, urging him to talk with his quarterback.

While Olson is reluctant to delve into specifics of private conversations, this much is known: Olson urged Carr not to say anything until he’d thought it through. Derek said his parents were on their way to Napa and were going to bring him home. They knew of Derek’s intention to walk away and were on board.

Carr’s grandfather on his mother’s side was a preacher. Sheryl Carr had told Derek she was sure one of her three sons would be a preacher, and now it was on the verge of becoming a reality.

Then-Raiders general manager Reggie McKenzie, along with Olson, tried to reason with Carr. As a devout Christian himself, McKenzie’s words carried some weight. He told Carr he was walking away from probably $60 million or $70 million down the road. Carr said he didn’t care about the money.

Football, McKenzie and Olson reasoned, would give Carr a bigger platform from which to preach and reach people. Carr remained non-committal, but promised not to tell anyone about his decision until he was sure.

Only a few people knew of Carr’s crisis of conscience — his immediate family, Allen, Olson, McKenzie, owner Mark Davis and one member of the media relations staff.

Carr missed a day of meetings while he soul-searched. The direction of the franchise, as well as the future of those who put themselves out on a limb by drafting this future cornerstone quarterback, not a preacher, hung in the balance.

“Oley told me, ‘Go spend time with your family. No matter what you decide, I love you, man. I’m here for you.’ Love that guy,” Carr said. “Reggie McKenzie was the same way.”

Carr talked it over with his family after they arrived in Napa. He prayed on it, and ultimately came to a decision.

“It wasn’t my time yet,” Carr said of walking away from his NFL dream. “It was cool to know I believed in something so much.”

Five years later, as the second year of Jon Gruden’s return unfolds, Carr says retirement from football is the furthest thing from his mind.

He’s become increasingly active as a preacher, not only at Brave Church in San Ramon but other Christian churches as well. But that off-field pursuit ends as soon as training camp begins.

With his near change of heart as a rookie far in the past, he says God and family and football — in that order — are in proper balance. Even if he played well into his 30s, Carr now understands that there is plenty of time for his next career.

There is no clock winding down.

With his near change of heart as a rookie in the past, Carr says God and family and football — in that order — are in proper balance.

JOSE CARLOS FAJARDO/ STAFF

It’s the first week of July, and the 8 a.m. crowd has filed out of the church auditorium on a sunny day, with another capacity crowd of approximately 350 making its way in to hear Derek Carr deliver a 10 a.m. sermon entitled “Holy Fire.”

Carr already spoke at the first service, and waits in a side room with his wife, Heather, and infant son, Deakon, as the room begins to fill up once again.

The atmosphere is relaxed and casual. Suits and ties are scarce, giving way to Tommy Bahama shirts and cargo shorts. There’s one man in a No. 4 Carr jersey and two teenagers in gym shorts who appear to be headed to a basketball camp after the service.

Seated in the third row are Raiders coach Jon Gruden, who is seeing Carr preach for the first time in person, and his wife, Cindy.

A five-piece band, some wearing backwards ball caps and t-shirts, plays soft rock gospel, with the crowd clapping in rhythm.

Samuel Laws, the pastor at San Ramon’s Brave Church, takes the microphone and tells the crowd of upcoming events before introducing the special guest, who receives loud applause.

Carr, wearing a short-sleeved collared shirt and jeans, takes the microphone. He speaks to the gathering rather than at them.

There is no fire, brimstone or solemn warnings about failing to heed God’s word.

Rather than requesting people to silence their cell phones, Carr tells the crowd they can reference Google to find scripture relevant to his talk.

It’s a relaxed and honest tour de force. Carr is in many ways the same kid who drove his mom crazy because he approached strangers in the grocery store with a disarming friendly sincerity. His delivery is easy, natural and sincere, whether you believe in the message he’s delivering or not.

“I want to tell you some stories. You guys like stories, right?,” Carr said. “And none of them are about football today, I’m sorry. If you want to hear football stories you could leave now ... or if you’re a 49er fan you can leave.”

Laughter and applause ensue, and Carr, with a perfect sense of timing, reminds them of the obvious.

“I’m just kidding,” he said.

Carr’s 45-minute talk is mostly preaching, part testimony of his own experiences and, yes, he does manage to work a little bit of football in now and then.

Gruden, talking in the parking lot after the service, said he was so impressed with what he heard that he and Cindy will consider making Brave their regular church.

“Derek is what he says he is — No. 1, he’s a man of faith; No. 2, he’s a family man, and third is football.” Gruden said. “And he’s put forth as much effort as any man could possibly put forth in those three areas.”

Carr got serious about Christianity after a “big man on campus” period in college where he became a major partier. His behavior resulted in a letter from his eventual wife Heather, who told him “You’re not the man I thought you were.”

His father Rodger, mother Sheryl and older brothers David and Darren also had their say.

Derek decided to begin living the life he had professed to lead and gradually began searching for more.

“You can be on the right path, but still realize something is missing,” Carr said.

The more Carr spoke before church groups, the more he simply began recounting his daily thoughts which come from reading his Bible and applying those lessons to the world around him. He easily mixes in life stories from family and football and is unafraid to discuss his own vulnerabilities and insecurities.

Carr’s previous engagement at Brave came in late January, shortly after he challenged ESPN host Max Kellerman and co-host Stephen A. Smith to a fight in a UFC Octagon. Kellerman had said on the air that Carr “didn’t look like he wanted it.”

He saw it on his phone while working out, fired off a retort, and instantly regretted it.

“Not the brightest move by me,” Carr said. “I saw instantly it was going to blow up. They were talking about it for four days.”

So Carr included his social media mistake with the gathering and told them God had already fought the important battles.

The notion of Carr being “soft” because of his Christianity provokes a laugh. He played through a broken finger on his throwing hand in 2016, and saw his season ended by a broken fibula that same year. In 2017, Carr missed just one game with three fractured transverse processes in his back.

“When I put my helmet on, I’m ultra competitive, talking trash,” Carr said. “Tough, gritty, those are things that have been in me since I was a little kid. I have two big brothers. I had to be. None of that changes what I believe, or what goes on in my heart.”

Perspective allows Carr to push aside talk of it being a crucial year for his Raiders career and that he could be playing for his job in 2020.

Despite plenty of speculation last spring that the team would consider drafting eventual No. 1 overall draft pick Kyler Murray and possibly part ways with Carr, instead he goes into this season with his $19.9 million salary for 2019 guaranteed.

Carr realizes when a team goes 4-12, the quarterback takes the heat. Even after posting career bests in completion percentage (68.9), passing yards (4,049) and yards per attempt (7.3) and posting a QB rating (93.9) that trailed only his 2016 season that had people talking MVP before he suffered a broken fibula headed into the playoffs.

Somehow, Carr made it through 16 games of 2018 while being sacked 51 times behind a patchwork offensive line. The Kellermans and Smiths of the world point to moments where he’s too timid, makes questionable decisions with the ball for a veteran QB, throws short of the stake on big downs too often. They point to a QBR rating that puts him at 27th among NFL quarterbacks.

If there is a whisper of discontent among teammates, it’s been well hidden. Kelechi Osemele, traded to the New York Jets, recently called Carr one of the best teammates he ever had.

Defensive tackle Justin Ellis entered the league with Carr and has watched the progression as closely as anyone.

“He has evolved as a player — the longer you’re in it, the smarter you are,” Ellis said. “He’s always been the guy who he is to this day. But now, it’s his team. When he was young, he was a rookie trying to take his role. But now he knows he’s one of the main guys, he walks with it, he leads by example.”

Running back Jalen Richard, also a Christian, believes Carr’s faith is a key component to his leadership. The positivity and focus on doing things right sets the proper tone and pushes those around him.

“He’s a nice model to have around you, a family man, does everything the right way,” Richard said. “When you’ve got a guy like that, who has so much faith, no matter what’s going on, that picks up your faith and makes you start to search for faith in yourself.”

Is his QB soft? Richard laughs.

“He wants us to go hurt somebody — but not really hurt ‘em. But it’s a battle,” he said. “It’s a battle when you’re fighting for Christ. You do battles every day.

Carr doesn’t believe in the hard sell about religion. He’ll tell you what he thinks, then assume you’ll either find God or you won’t.

ARIC CRABB/STAFF

The devil is continuously throwing his little darts at you and you’ve got to put on that armor of Christ. He’s talked about that before, putting on the full armor of Christ. He’s still a battler.”

Ultimately, Carr will be judged by the Raiders’ improvement in the win-loss department.

With a much better supporting cast on both sides of the ball and having a year of Gruden’s system under his belt, even a brutal six-week road stretch will be no excuse for anything resembling 4-12.

Carr understands this on some level, but has too much faith in his coaching staff and teammates to verbalize the possibility of failure. Being negative in public isn’t a part of his makeup.

He plans on being the Raiders quarterback in 2020 in Las Vegas. There, Carr will find a new Christian community while also being involved with Brave Church and making regular visits.

“I believe God has given me talents and abilities to be my very best and work harder than anybody else,” Carr said. “I feel like I’m doing it for a higher purpose than just money, a higher purpose than fame.

“There’s a quote, and it’s not scripture, it’s from Steve Prefontaine, the runner, who said, ‘To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.’ I’ve taken that to heart. I believe to give anything less than my best is to sacrifice the gift that God has given me.”

The Raiders