PARENTS’ BIGGEST FEARS

ESSAY BY CHUCK BARNEY ILLUSTRATION BY MARIE ASSÉNAT

When David entered junior high, all the “cool” kids played sports and wore jerseys of their favorite teams. Being a sports maniac, I encouraged our son to go along with the crowd. But he simply wasn’t into it. Instead of wearing the Warriors jersey I bought him, he donned a fedora and vest. And instead of working on his jump shot, he got into Shakespeare. Later, when Sam hit his tween years, he too displayed a taste for the offbeat, gravitating toward heavy metal music by weird, obscure bands. I fretted over our oddballs. Would other kids make fun of them? Would they fit in or would they feel alone? We want what’s best for our kids. While it is tempting to steer them in a more conventional or socially acceptable direction, resist that urge. In the effort to help our children avoid hardship, we must not deprive them of the opportunity to live their own truths — no matter what those truths are. During this stage of my sons’ lives, I had to constantly remind myself that being unique is, indeed, cool. So we embraced their differences, visiting the Oregon Shakespeare Festival and incorporating heavy metal into our road-trip playlists. I even came to admire David for not wearing his jersey

In a way, it was striking evidence that he was no mindless follower — that he was on his own path and would be immune to peer pressure along the way.