What’s Love Got to Do with It?

The Emotions that Come with Fertility

IN SLOVENIAN FOLKLORE, SAINT VALENTINE WAS NOT only the saint for good health, but also for things growing where flowers and other plants would “start” growing on Valentine’s day. Many pregnancies and conceptions start growing on Valentine’s day (and interestingly would be predicted to deliver on Halloween), but fertility isn’t always so simple. To improve chances, some are physically and emotionally preparing themselves for pregnancy. Many think the most successful conception will come through simultaneously achieving the ideal basal body temperature, the LH surge at the right time, to be rested, and have lost weight, and to have the perfect diet. Yet we can all name people who under the worst circumstances still ended up conceiving. How much do we have to emotionally regulate ourselves and have the perfect loving mood to successfully conceive? We can all agree that the messy miracle of life can be beautiful, even if unplanned or with a complex start. For every woman that stresses that things are not “perfect” in preparation, knowing that they don’t have to be is an important part of forgiving oneself and finding wellness. The truth is most of us aren’t expected to fix our cars by ourselves—why should we be expected to do it all for our bodies and our minds? Getting the right level of support (such as our video support group at 6p on the 1st and 3rd Tuesdays of the month on Facebook), seeing a psychologist, or a fertility specialist can make a world of difference—the whole Positive Steps Fertility team is here for you. Moreover, we can help you find additional support if other options are needed.

There are so many emotions that come with wanting to conceive, but expanding one’s family isn’t occurring on one’s timeline. This makes the fertility roller coaster range from exciting and amazing when successful to pure nausea (which is different from being excited to have morning sickness). The hardest part is not just regulating your own emotions, but those of your spouse, family, friends and more, even though fertility timelines and goals should be purely your own.

Ultimately, the full range of Kubler-Ross emotions can come with subfertility (denial, anger, bargaining, grieving, acceptance), when more positive feelings are possible since often there is so much that can be done (with a lot of love and prayer, as well as a little bit of science). Who we are is often not just a reflection of what we do at our best, but how we grow and connect with those around us when we are at our worst. In short, love yourself, love your spouse, and love that child that is yet to be, but also know that if you aren’t everything to everyone, that’s OK. And we will love you too. You’re not alone, we’re hopeful for you, and for most women and couples, lots can be done.

Happy Valentine’s Day from the Positive Steps Fertility family!