GLORIA CLARK

BAYOU ICON

We never know where our life’s journey will take us. Even when there are hints as we are growing up, most of us still have little idea about how we will live out our lives. Gloria J. Clark is no exception. Born and reared by parents who loved her and wanted the best for their nine children, Clark learned early on the importance of helping others. “My most memorable experience growing up as a child was learning from our parents how to look out for others,” she says. “Even today I am still looking out for people less fortunate than I am.”

One of the ways that Clark looks out for others is through her participation in the Witness Project of Northeast Louisiana. As a cancer survivor herself, Clark knows firsthand the importance of this survivors’ support network for AfricanAmerican women. Once a recipient of their cancer education and resources to help cope with her own disease and treatments, Clark today is a dispenser of those gifts to others desperate for information and comfort. In recognition of her personal strength and endurance as well as that of thousands of other cancer survivors and lifers in our region, Gloria J. Clark is our October BayouIcon.

ARTICLE BY GEORGIANN POTTS PHOTOGRAPHY BY KELLY MOORE CLARK

In many ways Concordia Parish represents “home” for Gloria Clark even though she lives in Ouachita Parish. Concordia is where her family first lived. Her parents, Ben Clark Sr. and Ida Green-Clark, were both born in the tiny village of Frogmore. Neither completed high school, but both were hard workers determined that their children would have even better lives than they had.

After marrying, the couple settled in Ferriday. Clark’s father worked on a farm as a laborer. He planted a large garden that kept the family supplied with fresh vegetables, and raised hogs and chickens for their table. Her mother worked as a custodial worker in the local schools. Although Clark’s paternal grandparents had passed away before she was born, her maternal grandparents (“Big Momma” and “Granddaddy”) lived close by and were an important part of Clark’s growing up. “Our family gatherings during the holidays and summertime were a great fellowship,” she remembers. “It was always large and there was plenty of good food!”

Clark was the oldest girl and 4th born among her siblings. With their parents’ encouragement and their own hard work, all graduated high school and several earned college degrees. Three of Clark’s sisters (Vivian Clark-Hollis, Pearl Clark, and Henrietta Clark-Williams) have passed away. Vivian worked at General Motors and then as a sitter, Pearl was a registered nurse, and Henrietta was a teacher. Her surviving sister, Mary Clark-Conner, worked as a sitter until her retirement. Clark has four brothers (Isaac, Ben, William, and Robert). Isaac was a supervisor with the Chicago Transit Authority before retiring; Ben is a podiatrist; William was a mortician and a bus driver for the Chicago Transit Authority before retiring; and Robert is pastor of several churches.

The work ethic that their parents instilled in their children is obvious from the successes that they have made in their lives. “During our childhood, our parents made sure we kept up with our schoolwork and our assigned chores around the house,” Clark remembers. “Even though our parents weren’t educated, my siblings and I were all smart. Several of us received scholarships for college to pursue our degrees.”

Clark remembers several individuals who were important mentors for her during her early years. One was Mrs. Elizabeth Fields, one of the mothers at Sunflower Baptist Church where Clark attended. Clark admired her mannerisms and appreciated the encouragement to “be the best person I can be” that Mrs. Fields often gave to her. Another was her third-grade teacher, Mrs. Davis. Clark loved her pleasant personality and admired the way she dressed. But it was her brothers whom Clark credits with being perhaps the most important mentors for her. “My oldest brothers showed me their success while attending college and how it could improve my lifestyle,” Clark says.

Clark graduated from Sevier High School in Ferriday with honors in 1966. Her early career goal was to be a nurse, but she put that goal aside because of her fear of seeing blood being drawn from someone else’s body. She received her Bachelor’s in Elementary Education in 1971 from Grambling State University. In 1973, Clark earned her Master’s in Special Education from Northeast Louisiana University (now ULM), and her Plus 30 from there in 1975.

During her college studies, Clark did student teaching in both regular education classes and special education classes. She found that she was drawn to teaching special education. She knew that she wanted to help those students who had disabilities.

Defining Her Life Through Education

The first job that Clark remembers is babysitting – a clear indicator of her love for children. “I got this job because the people knew my parents and that we were trustworthy,” Clark says. “It taught me that I had the ability to handle small children and the patience to assist them with their needs.”

After graduating from high school in 1966, Clark decided to take off a year from college and moved to Chicago where her oldest brother lived. While living in Chicago, she worked at the Montgomery Ward Department Store there. It wasn’t until her third job – as a special education teacher at Berg Jones Elementary School in Monroe – that she finally found herself in the classroom, working with the special children who needed her the most. “I had an excellent supervising teacher, Mrs. Joyce Bassett,” Clark says, “and she and those children prepared me for my 50-yearjourney in teaching,” Clark says.

Later Clark became an administrator for the Monroe City School System serving as supervisor of the Pupil Appraisal/ Special Education Department. When her mother became ill, Clark retired from that position in 2004 and took a teaching position in the Natchez Adams School System in Natchez, Mississippi. Following her mother’s death, Clark moved back to Monroe and accepted a teaching position at Shady Grove Elementary School for the Ouachita Parish School System. After that assignment, Clark rejoined the Monroe City School System as a special

education teacher at Martin Luther King Jr. Elementary. Her last assignment before her second retirement earlier this year was at Barkdull Faulk Elementary. “I loved teaching because I had the opportunity to put into practice the things that I had taught other teachers during my time in administration,” she says. “I could use in my classroom the things that I had taught them about how to get the most from the children who have disabilities and different learning styles.”

“Family” became a motto for Clark throughout her teaching days. “I always instilled in my students that we were a family – a family that assisted each other when there was a need,” she recalls. “I truly loved my students and wanted them to be a success and to achieve their maximum potential. I loved seeing my students grasp the concepts and learn along with their peers in the regular education classroom.” Clark’s devotion to her students went well beyond the classroom as is the case with so many committed teachers. “I often used my personal money to see that my students could be included in all aspects of the school’s extracurricular activities,” she says. That enrichment no doubt made a significant difference in her students’ quality of life.

Although optimistic and determined to be the very best teacher she could be, Clark is also realistic about the challenges that came along with teaching. The lack of supplies and materials that teachers need to do their very best work for their students was a common problem. A second, less obvious challenge was the lack of proper training for teachers who found themselves dealing with special needs students, some of whom required such specialized care as the ch anging of their feeding tubes. The third challenge came to light only recently: the COVID-19 pandemic. Dealing with special needs children through virtual lessons created an even more difficult environment for both teachers and students. Family Means Everything

In 1976, Clark married Freddie Earl Bynum, Sr. in a small family wedding. Though the couple would have two sons, the marriage ended in divorce in 1991. Those two sons are grown now. Freddie II (who the family calls “Earl”) drives for UPS in Lake Charles. Benji is a physician and is the portfolio director for Private Sector Engagement Colorado Health Foundation in Denver, Colorado. Clark adores her grandson, Freddie III (“Trey.”) Trey is a sophomore in high school in Lake Charles. Clearly family means everything not only to Clark, but also to Clark’s family. For her 70th birthday, her sons and grandson together with two of Clark’s nieces hosted a lovely celebration at a local restaurant in her honor. The elegant affair was attended by Clark’s family and friends. “This occasion will always stand out in my life,” Clark says. “I know that being a mom is one of my greatest successes.”

For Clark, “family” is defined beyond her students and her biological family. It also includes the community. In spite of having a busy career in special education, Clark has always found time to work within the volunteer sector. She served on the Monroe Beautification Board as liaison representative for educational activities/projects in Monroe City Schools during LaVerne Bodron’s tenure as director there. She is also a lifetime member of Delta Sigma Theta Sigma Sorority, Inc. and has served as treasurer and financial secretary for the group. In addition, she was chairperson for the sorority’s Black History, Founders Day, and Social Action Committees. Her community volunteerism has included voter registration drives, HIV/ AIDS Awareness conferences, Stop the Violence rallies, and community litter abatement drives. Never one to be still for long, Clark looks forward to volunteering at St. Francis Medical Center or the Ouachita Council on Aging as soon as she completes her recovery from knee replacement surgery. “Volunteering is essential for a community because elected officials cannot carry out the projects/activities by themselves,” Clark explains. “It takes a whole village for a community to survive. Everyone needs to do their part to make a community vital and attractive to new businesses.” An Unexpected Detour Along Life’s Journey In May 2009, Clark received news

“Women of the Witness Project have also that was to change her life: a cancer attended treatment appointments with other diagnosis. She had been careful to have women still in treatment,” Clark says. “That support means the world!” annual checkups and a mammogram so the diagnosis was a complete surprise. One of her sisters had died from lung cancer, and two of her brothers had been diagnosed with prostate cancer so she understood something about the disease. Because her tumor was small, Clark elected to have a lumpectomy. After a year, her mammogram was normal; the second year, however, revealed benign cysts in both of her breasts. In consultation with her doctor, Clark decided that a double mastectomy followed by reconstructive surgery was the best course of treatment for her. Being actively involved in her treatment decisions helped Clark to cope during this traumatic time. She credits the support of loved ones and dear friends as well as her continuing work as a teacher with giving her invaluable support. “I was not depressed because I had a good supportive system of friends, family members, and church members,” Clark recalls. “I spent most of my time with God by speaking and praying.” The Witness Project of Northeast Louisiana A decade before Clark’s cancer surgery, The Witness Project of Northeast Louisiana LLC was formed in 1999. Two women, Dr. Florencetta Gibson and Mrs. Bernadine Adams, had attended an informational meeting at the University of Arkansas in Little Rock to learn about starting a chapter in northeast Louisiana. The Witness Project had been founded there in 1990. Together with other concerned partners, they established this vital resource for underserved African-American women. To date, there has been no break in the service activities carried out by this chapter.

Over the past 20+ years, the Witness Project has met monthly at First Baptist Missionary Church. Not even COVID-19 could stop their mission. They continued meeting via conference calls, regular emails, and texts – maintaining contact with their members during this particularly stressful time. Part of the work of the Witness Project is to recruit and train women to be resources for African-American women whether they are cancer survivors or not. By educating women about breast and cervical cancer through culturally appropriate cancer education and empowerment messages, the group hopes to increase awareness. When Clark was diagnosed, the Witness Project was there for her. The members provided important emotional support, of course, but the meetings also gave Clark an opportunity to discuss her situation with others who had undergone similar experiences.

“The Witness Project meetings are very informative,” Clark says.

“Often there are guest speakers and consultants who enlightened all of us on the latest trends and techniques in breast health.” Within the northeast chapter there are more than 30 years of breast cancer survivorship. These women are the mentors and role models that other women need in order to work through a difficult time. “Women of the Witness Project have also attended treatment appointments with other women still in treatment,” Clark says.

“That support means the world!” The Pink Ball is an annual highlight for the Witness Project members. It is a fundraiser that showcases the women who are survivors. (Clark is chairperson for the Silent Auction Committee.) Each woman is introduced and the number of years that she has survived is announced. After the introductions, Clark says that the survivors participate in a New Orleans style Second Line parade to celebrate their survivorship. “Watching women and men dance and parade with such enthusiasm fills the hearts of each person in the room,’ Clark says. “The Witness Project if about providing education; however, watching such a display of joy never fails to instill hope!”

Looking Forward

Now that she has retired (again), Clark has some travel wishes. She would love to visit Paris, Jerusalem, and Africa. Of these, Jerusalem is her first choice so that she can gain spiritual insight and see the places she has studied about in her Bible.

When not traveling, Clark can be found watching old movies and listening to blues and jazz music. A perfect day? Awakening at 7:30a.m., drinking a cup of green tea, taking her morning medicines, and reading Daily Bread and her Bible. Then she would go back to bed for two more hours (with no phone calls, please). Only then would she get out of bed and prepare her breakfast. The rest of that perfect day? Watching Lifetime movies!

When asked if she could have lunch with anyone, living or dead, with no restrictions, Clark quickly responded, “I would love to have lunch with Rosa Parks. I admire her and what she stood for in those days.” The conversation would be about the challenges of life and how to overcome them. The location for lunch? “The place would be at a good soul food place or nice restaurant that serves a variety of things,” Clark says.

Wherever her life’s journey takes her, no doubt Clark will still be smiling and encouraging others. In many ways she has enriched (and saved!) not only her own life, but the lives of countless others. As author Mandy Hale once wrote, “There is nothing more beautiful than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for others.” Gloria J. Clark has spent a lifetime doing just that.

Flower General by Carlstedt’s

Fall Plants, Flowers, Wreaths and More

FALL IS COMING AND THE UPCOMING SEASONAL change has many homeowners looking for a way to update their spaces. Integrating plants into your space is a fantastic way to enhance the overall appearance of a space. Additionally, florals have been shown to boost moods, increase creativity, reduce stress, and eliminate air pollutants. When it’s time to add a pop of color to you home, Flower General by Carlstedt’s is your local floral and plant headquarters.

Flower General by Carlstedt’s was founded in 1926 by Oscar G. Carlstedt in Louisville, Kentucky. More than 95 years later, under the leadership of President/CEO Alice Lindsay Givens. Flower General by Carlstedt’s has since expanded to 13 locations throughout the southeast, including locations in Louisiana, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi and South Carolina. The company currently runs more than 70 delivery vehicles and employs a team of more 150 members.

Carlstedt’s provides many unique services and VIP systems. These services include online ordering, invoicing, photo archiving, and even networking with fellow florists, freelancers, and DIYers. Carlstedt’s is a preferred vendor for many big box stores as well, including Whole Foods, Winn Dixie, Wal- Mart, and Amazon. Through their online floral mall, FlowerGeneral.com, Carlstedt’s provides services to clients all over the world. Their team handles all the logistics, payment methods, delivery and/or in-store pickups.

Flower General by Carlstedt’s has thousands of floral partners worldwide and offer an online Floral Concierge service born from their motto “Flowers Say it All!” This personalized support was designed to help customers order flowers for family and friends. A potential customer can simply log on, fill out a questionnaire with specific information on their exact needs, and a Flower General team member will contact them and help place the order. Whether it’s for a birthday, anniversary, sympathy, or any other occasion, the Floral Concierge team helps customers share their love through the power of flowers.

This unrivaled dedication to detail and customer service would not be possible without the amazing staff behind the scenes. Flower General by Carlstedt’s consider their employees to be the best in the business and lovingly refer to them as the Dream Team. Their experience and expertise are unmatched and they go the extra mile to make sure clients get the high-quality flowers they want and deserve.

Flower General by Carlstedt’s provides the finest flowers, plants, floral supplies, and event décor to florists, event planners, and other floral professionals. They focus on each customer’s individual needs, with particular attention to every order. From fresh flowers, dried products, greenery, silks and floral accessories the team at Carlstedt’s provides it all.

When looking for options to update your space this fall, Carlstedt’s recommends testing out some of the hottest floral trends of fall. Blooms are a great and easy way to add life and color to your interiors. The top floral trends 2021 are an exciting blend of juxtapositions, from bold and bright to the contrasting use of neutrals with minimal styling.

Focusing on monochromatic jewel tones, gives your space a whimsical and bold statement, that adds a sense of playfulness. If you are seeking more dynamic hues, try selecting florals in an array of of orange and yellow. Another trend popping up this fall are arrangements peppered with organic and earthy materials like pampas grass or preserved roses in more demure color palettes instead.

Whatever your preference, fall floral arrangements have the ability to show off some of the season’s richest hues. Whether it be red, yellow, orange, purple, or brown-colored, a multitude of plants grace lawns and homes during the fall months, and the season’s floral arrangements should be no exception.

Carlstedt’s is proud to be a part of the Northeast Louisiana community. When you step into the cooler at Carlstedt’s you can see all of the wonderful fall colors. From warm yellow sunflowers to rich red rover mums to orange lillies, you can pick a variety of floral to create an arrangement for your home. They also carry an extensive line of containers and baskets to complete the look. Check out their wall of wreaths including moss, berries and more. If you don’t see exactly what you are looking for - whether it be a plant, tree or flower, Carlstedt’s can always make a special order.

Located in the heart of mid-town Monroe, just off Tower Drive, stop by Carlstedt’s to see everything they have to offer. Be sure to explore their cool-weather floral pairings, sure to add a statement to any room in your home and a pop of happy this fall and upcoming holiday season!

The Paper Market

The Paper Market Features Items for Football, Fall and Festive Decor

FALL IS FINALLY IN THE AIR AND IN NORTHEAST Louisiana that means one thing - football! Whether you are cheering on your favorite local high school, your college alma mater or the state’s beloved NFL team, The Paper Market has everything you need. The local party and paper goods store is owned by Amy Robinson and located in the Northgate Shopping Center at the corner of Forsythe Avenue and North 18th Street in the heart of Monroe. From tablecloths that mimic astroturf to a stadium setup to fill up with snacks, these items will complete your tailgate or get together at home! And you know you can’t have a good tailgate without the go-to go cup. The Paper Market has sleeves of styrofoam cups with school logos, as well as fun and festive sayings. They also make a great hostess gift or fun happy, especially going into the holiday season. The Paper Market carries items with logos for local high schools including Neville, OCS, Sterlington and St. Fred’s as well as ULM, LSU and Tech. If they don’t have your favorite team or school, you can always place a special order in the store! There are also local school notepads and stationery that make the perfect happy or teacher gifts.

For years, The Paper Market has been the go-to place for all things party related and have become known for their wall of solid color tablecloths, cups, napkins, plates, utensils, bowls and napkins that you can combine to create the perfect team colors. They recently revamped their wall and while some of the products have new packaging, they are still the same great options and quality that you have come to know and expect over the years. “This is just another way we are always looking to improve the shopping experience for our customers,” said Amy Robinson, owner. “Not only are we offering high quality products at great price points, we have redesigned our wall of solid color options, making it even easier to come and grab what you need.”

Football isn’t the only thing this season brings - there’s also festivals, halloween parties, pumpkins and more! The Paper Market has carries the cutest autumn plates, napkins and tableware that are perfect for church meetings, garden club get togethers and other seasonal events. When it comes to fall festivals, trunk-or-treats and Halloween happies, The Paper Market has quite the selection, from pumpkin treat bags and cellophane bags shaped like a skeleton hand. If your home is halloween headquarters, you will want to grab some festive tablecloths, the cutest cocktail napkins and bowls perfect for chili and gumbo. You can even create a photo booth set up, complete with decorative props and decor, making your halloween party even more memorable.

The Paper Market is constantly adding new items and staying up to date to what’s on trend to ensure their customers have everything they want and need for their next party! They recently added an entire line of plaid and buffalo check pattern tablecloths that are perfect for tailgate parties, showers, outdoor dining and more. They are quickly becoming a customer favorite. Amy and her staff are always staying on top of birthday trends, ensuring they have what their customers need. From themes for first birthday parties, toddler and kids party themes to older milestone parties, The Paper Market has it all.

The Paper Market is known as the place to buy balloons for parties and in recent years, they truly stepped up their ballon game. Not only do they offer regular latex balloons, they have hundreds of mylar balloons to choose from. If you want to decorate early, you can always opt for hi-float option, so your latex balloons will float for even longer. The Paper Market has also introduced balloon arches and garland, adding an extra fun element to any party or event. You may have seen their balloon creations at events like their mosaics, numbers and letters filled with a variety of balloons of different sizes and colors. Another item they have added to the mix - their own delivery van, making it even easier to have large deliveries with balloons and decor included at your party. No more worrying about strategically placing balloons in your car and worrying if you can make them all fit!

No matter the fall festivity you are planning, The Paper Market has everything you need to make your party a hit! Also, it is never too early to start thinking about the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. The Paper Market has plenty of disposable goods to make your Thanksgiving prep and clean up a breeze and holiday wrapping paper and bags will be making their debut in the store very soon. Plus, you can drop your gifts off at the Paper Market and let their staff wrap them for you. “We love to celebrate and not only want people to celebrate all the occasions in their lives, but we want to make it as easy as possible for them to do so!” said Amy. Stop by their convenient location and let their friendly staff help you for all your party needs!

I REMEMBER

HOW BOLD MARTIN LUTHER’S CONVICTIONS WERE

I REMEMBER the great admiration I had for Martin Luther as I read about how he boldly stood his ground in face of the great opposition that confronted him at the Diet of Worms – a “trial” which was held in April of 1521. Called on by the Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire and by leaders of the church to recant, to deny all he had written in opposition to what he considered errors in doctrine and practice in the church, Luther responded with these inspiring words: “Unless I am convicted by Scripture and plain reason I will not recant. My conscience is captive to the Word of God. I cannot and will not recant anything, for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. Here I stand; I can do no other, so help me God.” “Here I stand; help me God.” How different our lives and our world would be if more of us had the strength of conviction like that of Luther.

Luther was called on to defend things which he had said - things that offended the leaders of the church. This protest of his had gotten its start when, on October 31, 1517, he posted his now-famous 95 theses on the door of the Castle Church in Wittenberg, Germany. He taught at the university in that city, and these 95 statements were intended as subjects of debate for students at the school. Those statements challenged the teachings and practices of the church of that century and lead, ultimately, to the Protestant Reformation. But the more immediate result was that the Reformer’s life was in danger. About a century earlier, John Hus, who preached and taught in Prague, was burned at the stake for expressing concerns (similar to those of Luther) relative to what was happening in the church. So Martin Luther, by saying “Here I stand,” was declaring that not even the threat of death would move him to deny his faith. I wonder if I would stand firm in

my convictions should it come to a matter of life and death. In such a situation, how many of us would affirm, “Here I stand! I can do no other, so help me God.” Not a large number of us are likely to find ourselves in a setting where we have to put our lives in jeopardy for just affirming our convictions, but two groups, men and women who do face grave danger every day, come to mind. These are the individuals who serve in our military and those law officers whose job puts them at risk on a regular basis. I WONDER IF I WOULD STAND Rarely do the folks who wear these uniforms run from danger; instead,

FIRM IN MY CONVICTIONS they confront danger to serve their SHOULD IT COME TO A MATTER country or to protect their fellow OF LIFE AND DEATH. citizens. There is a sense in which these folks remind me of Martin Luther as, by their actions, they say, “Here I stand!” And every time I am in the presence of one wearing the uniform, I always try to express my thanks to them for their brave service on my behalf. So, what do you think? Are we not responsible to try to find the strength to develop and to stand by convictions that are shaped by thoughtful consideration of what is right or wrong, good or bad? Rather than just “going with the flow,” may we be more like Martin Luther with the result that we boldly say, “Here I stand. God help me!” By taking his stand and by holding on to his convictions, Luther would become one of the most outstanding individuals in the history of the world. We’ll not likely receive anything like the acclaim given to Luther, but there will be a sense of satisfaction and purpose when we take our stand for truth and right. Therefore, in view of what Martin Luther did on October 31, 1517, this year that day (October 31) will not be celebrated with the Halloween game of “Trick or Treat,” but with commemoration of the courage of Martin Luther, expressed in the words, “Here I stand!”

article by PAUL LIPE

opinion expressed is that of the writer

Meredith’s Musings HAPPILY EVER AFTER article by MEREDITH MCKINNIE

When I was pregnant, my mother gave me my baby book, one of those “fill in the sentence” prompters that chronicled my childhood. Mom’s attention to detail was astonishing. She kept track of every inch, ounce, dietary preference, and scraped knee, not to mention countless art projects, report cards, and honorable mention ribbons. And my mom’s humor and honesty came out, which I appreciate. But it all read glossy to me as an adult, more of a pretty picture than the reality I know to be true now. I want something different for my daughter. And so, I’ve decided to tell her the truth, the honest, sometimes ugly truth, in the form of letters.

My friend Lea knows me. She got me this modern baby book during my first pregnancy, very boho chic. The vintage cover is decorated with classy arrows, and she made sure it contained pages and more blank pages for her friend, the writer. For those first six weeks of maternity leave, I didn’t know what to do with the pages. I kept glancing at the book day after day, unsure of what to say. The pages felt oppressive, and one day, it dawned on me. Talk to her. She doesn’t understand you right now, but one day she will. And tell her the truth. Don’t set her up to feel like a failure.

The first entry is lovey dovey. “Dad and I are so in love with you without even knowing you yet,” the normal stuff. At five months, when her personality starts to emerge and she responds to my commands, like we understand each other, I wonder if I could love her more than that moment. We read to her, nightly, and some of the books are fairy tales. They’ve evolved; some are about courageous women throughout history, and that makes me happy. But the traditional ones, the ones my mom read to me, that I want to share for connection, they end with, “happily ever after.” And I don’t believe in that. It’s a false promise, a half-truth, and I don’t want to lie to my little girls. I refuse to set up unrealistic expectations that will ensure disappointment and self doubt.

On Valentine’s Day, her first one, three days after her 6-month birthday, a personal fairytale crumbled. I cook most nights because I love to, and I get home hours before my husband, but he told me he was cooking for Valentine’s Day. I come home from the gym after 6 PM, having not heard from him, which is odd, thinking he’s probably home planning something special. When I pull into a dark house and the realization sets in that he’s not home, and nothing special is being prepared, and I’ve imagined this scenario in my head. I feel silly, and even more silly for caving to disappointment. My daughter is screaming in the back seat because she hates the dark, and I can’t get over the fact that he’s not here, that the Valentine’s Day I imagined in my head is not happening.

I didn’t know how to channel my anger, and then I saw the book. This was one of those moments where I could explode in the privacy of our own walls, snap a fake picture for social media and pretend her Valentine’s Day was the thing of social media dreams. But I didn’t. Instead, I wrote in her book. I told her how her mom felt that day, I told her the hopes I had for the evening, the disappointment, and the rage I felt I deserved for not getting the scenario I created in my head. I told her the truth. I told her how her mom was flawed and how her dad’s job didn’t respect her sleep schedule or the national holiday. I want her to know that while I love her father, while I’m thankful he’s my partner, while I know I chose the right parent for my daughter, “happily ever after” is not accurate. “Hard ever after,” is the truth, and her mama is woman enough to say so. My daughter won’t go blindly into a relationship expecting the moon; she will know she will have to reach for it every day, and find the person willing to reach with her.