Scrounge Magazine by bborghi

SCROUNGE THE MAGAZINE FOR INQUIRING MINDS

PSYCHOLOGY of

EDGAR ALLAN POE

the man who

LIVED

without money

a day in the life of an

autistic student

a conversation with

alexa chung

N 22

SCROUNGE

28 4 6 8 10 12 18

TRAVEL CHALLENGE: NIGHT LIFE PRIORITIZING PLEASURE OVER BUSINESS THE LEAST SUSPECTING BUCKET LIST ITEMS HOW TO DEAL WITH CRAZY FAMILY MEMBERS ARE YOU WITH THE WRONG PERSON? WHEN YOU JUDGE TOO QUICKLY

22 INTERVIEW WITH ALEXA CHUNG 28 PSHYCHOLOGY OF EDGAR ALLAN POE 34 A DAY IN THE LIFE OF AN AUTISTIC STUDENT 43 THE MAN WHO LIVED WITHOUT MONEY

editor’s note Dear readers, In this issue, you will ﬁnd a mixture information about subjects frequently forgotten or overlooked. From autism to crazy family members, there are stories that need to be shared with others. The unique topics in this magazine are catered to ever growing minds of those who wish to increase their knowledge of such topics. It is for the do-er, the go getter, the carer. There are perople with inspiring stories and those who wish to scrounge them up are what we rely on to share those stories. From month to month, we here at Scrounge Mag travel to different countries, speak to incredibly interesting people and do our best to portray their stories in a way that intrigues and excites our readers. I would like to thank our subscribers and even our ﬁrst time readers who saw this magazine at a prestigious street corner and opened to this page. You can’t stop now, continue reading because you’re in for a lovely ride.

columists

james patterson You need only claim the event of your life to make yourself yours. When you truly possess all you have been and done, which may take some time, you are ﬁerce with reality.

peter rhold If we were to wake up some morning and ﬁnd that everyone was the same race, creed and color, we would ﬁnd some other cause for prejudice by noon.

kara Satori Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down.

matt kalaher You know what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night with a vivid dream? And you know that if you don't have a pencil and pad by the bed, it will be completely gone by the next morning. Sometimes it's important to wake up and stop dreaming. When a really great dream shows up, grab it.

lisa thompson Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

stephanie esmalda The pleasure of remembering had been taken from me, because there was no longer anyone to remember with. It felt like losing your co-rememberer meant losing the memory itself, as if the things we’d done were less real and important than they had been hours before.

ARE wrong person with the

Do you have any exes who were so awful you can’t help wondering, “What the hell was I thinking?” Join the club. If you’d like to make sure you’re with Mr. or Ms. Right, watch out for these 10 signs you’re dating the wrong person.

James Patterson

they don’t listen to you

If your partner is always waiting for their turn to speak, you might be dating the wrong person.They always go off on tangents about their day at work, but never seem interested in yours. They always suggest where they’d like to go, but never seem to care what you think. If your partner does a whole lot of speaking (but never listens), you might want to ﬁnd someone not so self-centered to share your life with.

ey k th hin t e th orld w olves rev nd arou them

E v e n though you just went to his parents’ house for Thanksgiving l a s t y e a r, h e gets upset when you suggest visiting y o u r p a r e n t s t h i s y e a r. Despite the fact that she knows you haven’t had a night out with the guys in over a month because work’s been so busy, she pitches a ﬁt because you’re not spending time with her. If your partner’s words and actions scream, “ME-ME-ME,” you should ﬁnd someone who appreciates your needs (and not only theirs).

you feel like you have to wear

If you’re putting on a song-and-dance in an elaborate attempt to impress your partner, you might be dating the wrong person. Your partner should love you as you are. Does it feel like they are trying to mold you into an entirely different person? If so, it might be time to l e t t h e m g o .

a mask

4. you can’t imagine a future together without laughing or crying If the thought of a life-long commitment makes you want to curl up in a ball and weep, you might be dating the wrong person. I know the thought of being alone might not appeal to you, but staying in a relationship that is destined for failure is as silly as it gets. If you have no future with this person, end the relationship and ﬁnd someone you can be happy with.

5. your relationship is their only interest If your partner has no hobbies or interests outside of your relationship, you might be dating the wrong person.Who would want to date a person who isn’t passionate about anything? Tread carefully if your partner has zero life goals, because relationships with a person lacking ambition are anything but fulﬁlling.

6. your friends and family haven’t Met them

If you haven’t introduced your partner to your friends or family despite spending a decent amount of time together, you might be dating the wrong person. Let’s just face it, shall we? There are only a few reasons why you wouldn’t introduce your partner to your friends or family, and none of them are pretty. If you’re so embarrassed by this person that you don’t want to invite them into your social circles, do everyone a favor and pull the plug.

7. hanging out with them drains you If spending time with your partner exhausts you, you might be dating the wrong person.Even the best of relationships include the occasional ﬁght, but this should be the exception, not the norm. You should feel happy and alive with your partner, not sad and stuck.

8. you avoid difficult conversations If every difficult chat gets swept under the rug, you might be dating the wrong person.Should you bring up things like politics, religion, favorite sexual positions, or your desire to have five children on the first date? Probably not. But as the weeks and months and years go on, it becomes more and more important to have those tough (but necessary) conversations. If you want to have children but your partner doesn’t, you might have a problem. If your religion is a top priority but your partner is anything but a devout follower, you need to have a chat. If there’s something the matter, say so (because no, your partner isn’t a psychic).

9. they expect 24/7 companionship If your partner is so clingy you want to scream, you might be dating the wrong person. It is unhealthy and unwise to expect a person to be your singular source of happiness. Alone time isn’t merely just something that would be nice to have, but rather a necessity for your mental health.

10. you never feel good enough If your partner never has anything nice to say, you might be dating the wrong person. No matter how hard you try, you feel like you can’t do anything right. No matter how much you do, you feel like you always have to prove yourself. No matter how much you love them, you feel like they don’t return the feeling.

challenge

travel

NIGHTLIFE

S o y o u s a w t h e n e o c l a s s i c a l a r c h i t e c t u r e . Yo u took pictures of the shining metal chariot atop the B r a n d e n b u r g G a t e . Yo u stood at the end of the B e r l i n Wa l l a n d d i d t h a t w e i rd Ea st-W e st d a n c e where you hop back and forth between each side. Well now it’s time to remember that you’re on vacation and really let loose, and we at Party Earth want to help. If you think spending time boozing and schmoozing is a distraction from experiencing what a city is all about, then you don’t know Berlin. Its beers are the stuﬀ of legend. It’s the capital of techno and insane warehouse clubs. And the bars in Berlin, fueled by the city’s alternative youth culture, are some of the hippest and coolest in the world.

Prater Garten The Beer-Lover’s Haven

Prater Garten has been around since 1837, making it the oldest beer garden in the city, and one of the few establishments to survive both the bombings of the World Wars and the iron curtain of Soviet rule. Located in the buzzing nightlife district of Prenzlauer Berg, the tranquil outdoor area can hold a thousand thirsty patrons ready to try a frothy mug – or ﬁve – of the Prater house brews. And if the weather turns sour, the interior beer hall and restaurant provide a warm alternative to the picnic tables and shade of the chestnut trees. Open from noon till past midnight in the summer, the Prater Garten is a perfect place for daytime beers, a hearty German meal, or a prost-ﬁlled start to an evening out.

But anyone s er i ous ab out m aki ng the m ost out of the c i ty ’s w i ld s i d e need s to ded i c ate m or e than j ust thei r eve ni ng s . The ni g htl i fe her e nev er sto p s, w i th b eac h b ars and b eer ga rd ens openi ng around the s am e t i m e that the c razi est c l ubs i n Ber l i n a r e ki c ki ng ev er yone out. N i g htl i fe i n Berlin s hould r eal ly j ust be sho r tened to “l i fe”, b ec aus e i t g oes d ay and ni g ht. S o put two d ays of yo u r v i s i t as i de and c hec k out our sa m pl e i ti nerar y for a taste of eve r ythi ng on oﬀer – d r i nki ng , d a nc i ng , l i v e mus i c , and ev en a l i ttl e bi t of hi stor y – and i f you c an’ t r e m e m b er m uc h by the ti me you’ r e d o ne, then you know you’ v e done i t well.

sandbar mitte ideal for day drinking It’s a sunny summer day in Berlin, so why not hit the beach? You might be closer to the artic than the equator, but Strandbar Mitte puts a tropical paradise smack dab in the middle of this landlocked city – palm trees, umbrellas, and all. The expansive man-made beach runs along the Spree, Berlin’s main waterway, and looks out across the beautiful buildings on Museum Island. Step onto the warm sand, grab a cold German lager, and impress your friends by coming back from Berlin with a tan.

white trash fast food Where to Rock Out A popular destination for young Berliners and international travelers, this East-Berlin restaurant/bar/music venue was established by a couple ex-pats and named after two of America’s better-known components. The décor is a campy hodgepodge of old-west, British pub, and trailer park, but don’t worry, you won’t run into overweight guys in wife-beaters licking the remnants of their greasy cheese paper here. The restaurant serves up some of the best American food in town, while trendy hipsters drink at the bar in preparation for the night’s musical performances. You can hang out here to watch the smaller stage, or head down to the Diamond Lounge downstairs for some serious rocking out. Every weekend the large space features international rock and roll acts that jam for the raucous crowds long into the night. For a glimpse into the city’s burgeoning alternative scene, top your ﬁrst night oﬀ at White Trash Fast Food. Yeehaw!

berghain/ panorama bar

zu mir oder zu dir

club to blow your mind

the pre-game lounge

Scary walk through an industrial park? Check. Imposing abandoned power plant? Check. Cavernous dance halls vibrating with some of the world’s best electronic dance music? And check again! Berghain is everything you could imagine a Berlin club to be. It’s a massive labyrinth of concrete and metal where beautiful clubbers sweat the night away in hedonistic fashion. The main ﬂoor, with 18-meter high ceilings, features internationally renowned techno DJs, while the upstairs Panorama bar spins house music for a slightly more intimate crowd. The club starts to heat up around 2am and keeps pumping past dawn, and a strict zero camera policy ensures that what happens in Berghain, stays in Berghain.

So you got some sun, a couple of beers in the system, and now you are ready for the crazy side of Berlin. But before you hit the clubs, throw on your best heels or that new CK collar and set the mood at Zu mir oder zu dir (Don’t worry if you can’t pronounce it, we can’t either). The important thing is that the name literally means “to my place or yours”, with the chic lounge brining in an energetic bunch of fashionistas and pre-club drinkers looking to mingle over tasty cocktails. So order up a martini, dive into the living room atmosphere, and recruit a couple of sexy additions to your evening out. By the end of your night, you’ll know how to say, “zu mir oder zu dir”, but this time as a question for that new friend.

The essence of any good b u c ke t l i s t consists of overcoming f e a r s , achieving g o a l s , realizing dreams and even simple pleasures. Whether itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s an exotic adventure half-way around the world or something simpler, like spending more time with your family or friends, what matters is that you experience all the good and phenomenal things Earth o f f e r s

non traditional bucket list items Matt Kalaher

be part of a flash mob Flash mobs give (often random) strangers the chance to make new acquaintances and even friends. The idea is very simple: promote a large group of people to do something very random and basically in unison for—according to Wikipedia— “…the purposes of entertainment, satire, and artistic expression” and even, perhaps, putting a smile on the faces of totally unsuspecting bystanders. Prominent examples include the Worldwide Pillowfight Day’s 5,000-person flash mob in New York City in 2008 and the 4,000-person Silent Disco flash mob at the London Victoria station in 2006.

watch the top 100 movies of all time Fire up the HD projector or the big-screen TV and enjoy timeless masterpieces like The Godfather, The Lord of the Rings, A Clockwork Orange, and Schindler’s List. No ﬁlm enthusiast in the least should forgo seeing at least some of the best movies in cinematic history—as determined by Lifed and Yours Truly, of course!

visit area 51

Area 51 is a highly secretive, mysterious military base (which everyone knows is a U.S. Air Force base, despite the U.S. government continually denying its existence even to this day) located in Nevada, on the southern shore of Groom Lake. It’s rumored to have hosted (and could still) anything from alien remains and/or alien spacecraft, to super-top-secret Air Force aircraft and warcraft, to bio- and chemical-warfare laboratories. Locals say that it’s safe to travel up until you see ‘Government/Restricted Area’ signs. Pass those warnings, however, and you’ll be greeted with, well, far less than red carpet hospitality!

4. Go White Water Rafting in the Tatshenshini River The O.A.R.S. Tatshenshini River Rafting expedition might prove the most exhilarating, adventure The

most

you’ll

11-day

unforgettable

ever

hiking

experience. and

rafting

trip—set in the behemoth, 27-million acre Tatshenshini-Alsek Wilderness Park in Alaska and western Canada—consists

majestic

6. solve a rubik’s cube Master a Rubik’s Cube, that multi-colored, seemingly-innocuous, twisty little block that actually drives most folks crazy (as well as gives ‘em that ‘all-the-dumber’ feeling). Invented by Erno Rubik circa 1974, the 3-D puzzle game has held the title of ‘most popular game of its kind’ ever since its debut. The Rubik’s Cube is also known for something else, though–that is, causing untold angst amongst those who’ve failed to even produce two solid-colored sides, Yours Truly included!

trek

through the pristine Alaskan wilderness along the St. Elias and Alsek mountain ranges. Adventurists are privy-ed to giant glaciers, numerous frozen

waterfalls,

rafting

through

white-water

the

Tatshenshini

Gorge, the famed Walker Glacier (of which you’ll actually get to walk on), the

Alsek

Glaciers,

and

and a

Grand huge

Plateau

variety

extraordinary wildlife—including bighorn sheep, bald eagles, moose,

7. learn a new vocabulary word every day Do you realize that the average person’s vocabulary is limited to around 7,000 words? Considering that there are over a quarter of a million distinguishable words in the English language (per Oxford English Dictionaries)—and even excluding inﬂections of words, myriad technical jargon, and many regional-speciﬁc words—your 7,000-word vocab probably sounds a bit puny now, right? So stop limiting yourself to old, overused words and catchphrases and learn some new ones, already!

grizzly bears, and too many other

5 . v a c a t i o n

i n

i g l o o

v i l l i a g e

Those who love winter (well, that, several feet of snow, and holy-crap-I-can’t-feel-my-legsanymore! temps) are likely to ﬁnd the Kakslauttanen, Finland Igloo Village right up their alley. In addition to rows-and-rows of heated, glass-dome igloos (keyword: HEATED) outﬁtted with beds, restrooms, and kitchens, the Village also boasts authentic igloos (for the most hardcore winter enthusiast) that never reach above freezing inside. Now, I’m as huge a fan of bitterly cold, snow-covered and consumed places as the next guy <smirk>, but I’m still taking the glass-dome-igloo route!

8. hang from toronto’s cn tower For acrophobiacs in need of curing their fear, one of the ultimate solutions has to be EdgeWalk—a terrifying “walk” on the I’m-gonna-to-die edge of the ledge of the 1, 800ft-tall CN Tower in Canada. Towering that high (1,168 feet/356m for the EdgeWalk platform) over the grand Toronto harbor, the CN Tower is the world’s ﬁfth-tallest free-standing structure. Take the EdgeWalk challenge and for God’s sake, per the traditional wisdom (especially when you’re dangling at over 1,000ft via only a couple of cables), don’t look down!

9. throw tomatoes at la tomatina

10. help out a stranger in distress

La Tomatina is an hour-long

Despite the (basically) inherent tendency in humans towards hedonism, life isn’t just about c a t e r i n g exclusively to one’s self-interests: At least it shouldn’t be. Next time you spot a broken-down motorist, pull over and volunteer to help (assuming that you feel safe doing so!). Offer to pay someone else’s bill that he/she can’t quite cover—e.g. they might, for instance, lack enough money to pay for a meal, or can’t quite make this month’s rent payment, or need emergency supplies d u r i n g a power-outage. Countless other situations apply, too.

festival in Bunol, Valencia (Spain) where an estimated 150,000 tomatoes (a whopping 90,000lbs of juicy, pasty awesomeness)

are

ﬂung

everywhere and at everyone. The action begins at 11 a.m. sharp and ends an hour later: a

water

signals

cannon both.

usually

Afterwards,

those who’ve experienced La Tomatina claim that dark red covers the entire town square and

that

tomato

juice

abounds more plentiful than air. What better way to kick off

your

participate

bucket in

list

one

than the

world’s largest food ﬁghts?!

Managing finals kent thomson

Time is often one of the most precious commodities a college student has during their years in school. While funds and sleep may be in short supply, many -- if not most -college students are also nearly always short on time. During college ﬁnals, having good time management skills becomes even more important. But just what steps can you take to make sure you're managing your time well during the chaos of ﬁnals week?

Get some sleep. When things get rough, sleep often gets cut out of your schedule. That paper and lab report have to be done by tomorrow morning, so ... no sleep tonight, right? Wrong. Not getting enough sleep in college can actually cost you more time in the long run. Your brain will run slower, you'll be more likely to get sick, you'll be less able to handle stress, and -- oh yeah -- you'll be super tired all the time. So even if it seems counter-intuitive, invest some time in getting some quality zzzz's. There's always a few ways to get a little more sleep in school, no matter how hectic your schedule might seem.

Prioritize often. Keep a running list -- in your head, on your laptop, on your phone, in the cloud -- of the major projects and tasks that you're managing during ﬁnals week. Adjust it as often as necessary and refer to it when you're feeling stressed about all the things you have to do. If you feel overwhelmed, just focus on the top 1 or 2 items. You can only do so many things at once, so focusing on the most important can help you feel like you're accomplishing something instead of worrying about everything else you should be doing. Additionally, one of the best ways to manage your time is to avoid procrastinating. If you have a ﬁnal paper due Tuesday, schedule time in to work on it over the weekend instead of planning to be up all night Monday night cramming to get it done. Planning to procrastinate isn't time management; it's just plain silly and, ironically, a big waste of time.

Step Three: Leave extra time, just in case. As hard and as much as you might try to plan every detail of your college life, sometimes things just happen. You get sick; your laptop crashes; your roommate loses your keys; your car breaks down. Leave as much time as you can each day during finals week for flex time. That way, you won't have to stress when the inevitable happens, since you'll know you already have a little time to deal with the unexpected. And if nothing happens and you find yourself with some free time, you can reprioritize and refocus as needed.

Schedule time to relax. Finals can be incredibly, surprisingly stressful, and you may not realize just how much it's taking a toll on you until it's over. The mental stress, workload, lack of sleep, and importance of everything you have to do can sometimes feel overwhelming. Fortunately, one of the best things you can do to clear your mind is to just let it relax. Scheduling some down time can actually save you time, since you'll be mentally recharged and more efﬁcient afterward. Take 20 minutes to read a gossip magazine in the campus coffee shop; get some exercise while listening to music instead of trying to read; go play a pick-up game with some friends. Let your brain take a break so it can go back to being a workhorse instead of just an exhausted lump of mush.

5 6

Don't depend on quick fixes. Caffeine, energy drinks, and other stimulants can be tempting to use when you can feel that you're burned out. Unfortunately, short-term fixes can end up costing you more time than they save you, which can be especially dangerous during finals week. Instead of slamming an energy shot, take the few extra minutes it takes to eat some protein and veggies. It'll taste better, you'll feel better, and you won't find yourself in a jam in a little while. And while coffee can be a great pick-me-up in the morning or afternoon, it shouldn't be your main food group during finals week.

Ask for help when you need it. Asking for help is pretty much par for the course during a college student's life. It's a rare student who can make it through four (or more) years of college-level work without needing a little help now and then. Consequently, don't be afraid to ask for some assistance when you need it -- especially if it's during a time as critical as ﬁnals week. There are lots of places to ask for help and many of them have extra resources to deal with the increased need for assistance during the end of a semester.

Avoid unproductive time wasters. Can spending a few minutes on YouTube be a good break? DeďŹ nitely. But spending two hours there can be a major problem when you're in the middle of ďŹ nals. Your brain may need a break, but just remember to be smart about how you're using your time. If you really want to do something mindless, use your time wisely and try to multitask when and if you can. If YouTube is calling your name, for example, do your laundry at the same time so you can feel (and actually be!) productive when you get back to your more important tasks

with crazy family members

Kara Satori

Chances are you have a family member or know someone who is toxic. A toxic relationship is one where a person may feel emotionally or spiritually injured through interaction with the other party. Many people don't even recognize toxic relationships or even realize how this dynamic role might have a detrimental effect on ones emotional health. It's interesting to note that some people wouldn't take such treatment from a spouse yet will tolerate it coming from other family members. This article will help you identify toxic relationships within your life and how to move past these issues while keeping your sanity intact.

1 2 3 P r ot e c t yo u rs e l f, yo u r children/family. If a difficult person pushes boundaries so much that it negatively affects your family, then remain firm, but loving. "I love you, but as I stated before, bedtime is at 7:30pm in this house and it's one thing that we do not compromise on. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't just try to drop by when I am bathing my children and getting them ready for bed. We cannot be on "your time" at this hour." Some people are so difficult that they see boundaries as a "challenge" and they continue to try to break them down. Remain firm and the "second level" boundaries can even be unspoken. Just lock the door and don't answer the phone, turn off the cell phone, and do not respond to repeated requests that were previously denied.

Stop trying to fix it. Some people are difficult because they are deeply troubled and lack the introspection skills to resolve issues with others. If they are difficult with you, they are probably difficult with most people who present the same/similar threats to them. Do not take it personally and stop thinking that you will some day, by some miracle, make them happy.

When things are going well, do not blow on the embers. Don't create problems with difficult people in anticipation of them eventually becoming difficult. Most difficult people have very low self esteem or are extremely self absorbed. Both states are due to a lack of emotional growth. They are otherwise "stuck" there and do not know how to cope with life stresses maturely. Maybe they usually cope by becoming very controlling or very unreliable. A good strategy for when things are going well is to not fall into fear and paranoia mode (walking on eggshells, waiting for the "other shoe to drop"), but to remain positive with this person and to speak encouraging words. "I had a really great day. Thanks for joining us. We all had so much fun." Keep it simple.

First of all let's start with some examples of toxic relationships. Fathers who are only interested in their sons if they "measure up" as far as career and athletics go. Sisters who compete with one another to the point of betrayal. Mothers who are overly critical of their daughters. Drama seeking in laws as well as busy body's looking for something to gossip about at the expense of others all ďŹ t the bill as far as toxic relationships are concerned. These relationships affect not only one's self esteem but general sanity at times. These types of relationships are never healthy. There is a school of thought that one's emotions can affect one's overall health. If you are emotionally disturbed you likely will manifest those feeling into "dis-ease" or another physical ailment. When your emotions start to affect you physically it is time to do something about the toxic people in your life.

Family relationships become toxic when power struggles occur, bullying as well as deceit and betrayal. Usually there is a clear lack of boundaries as well as unclear and unrealistic expectations. Basically the only way to deal with toxic family members is to either create strong boundaries or cut them out completely. There really is no in between. Your toxic family member may try to guilt trip you or become nasty with you. They will likely tell others you are crazy and make crazy accusations. This is all very common and just reveals the toxic family member's character further. Don't let them get you down as this how some people deal with life. Fortunately we all don't have to go through life living this way if we are able to recognize toxicity within our own relationships with others and correct it.

Some things that can help one over come toxic relationships are building supportive relationships with others as well as creating ďŹ rm boundaries when it comes to the toxic family member. If you choose to still engage with the person this will be very important. Your boundaries will help the other person realize you aren't available for their toxic behavior and you are not going to be a part of it. For instance if your sister calls you to gossip about your mother you might choose to not engage and either change the subject or let your sister know you have other things to do. It's usually easier to let your offender know up front what the boundaries are. Building self esteem is also another important step in overcoming toxic relationships. When you feel strong and good about yourself your toxic family will not be able to touch you. Just be forewarned as his is likely going to drive them even crazier! Learning and using listening skills as well as connecting with your own inner strength and passions will help you on this journey.

It's not always possible to cut out toxic family but the way you deal with them can make all the difference in the world. If you avoid family functions or dread the holidays you could simply start new traditions with people of your choosing or limit your interaction with the toxic family members. Only you will no for sure what path is for you. Counseling can also help one sort through toxic relationships and issues. Do not allow your toxic family to rule your life any further or effect your physical and emotional well being. Start taking steps today to ensure you will not have to deal with this type of damaging behavior in the future.

iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll murder ya

prioritizing pleasure Me l issa c o rt

One thing at a time, with full presence.

To sustain happiness, we must focus our attention on the right things, in the right ways. Every growing human being (that means all of us) has resource constraints: limited time and energy. It is critical that we spend our resources effectively.

In other words, make the thing you have chosen to do the number one priority while you’re doing it. Focus with your full attention. See the value in where you are, while you’re there. Enjoy what’s happening, while it’s happening. In the end, you will come to realize that the best days are the days when you don’t need anything extreme or special to happen to make you smile. You simply appreciate the moments and feel gratitude, seeking nothing else, nothing more. That is what true happiness is all about.

Family and close friends are at the top. Nurture your important relationships in such a way that when you tell the people you care about that you care about them, you’re simply reinforcing what they already know based on how you have prioritized them into your life. Give them your full attention. Let them see their own beauty in your eyes. Let them ﬁnd their own voice through your listening ears. Help them discover their own greatness in your presence. Make the people you love a top priority, always.

Focus on importance, not urgency. As Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once said, “Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.” Truthfully, the most important thing in life is knowing what the most important things in life are, and prioritizing them accordingly. Sadly, most of us spend too much time on urgent things and not enough time on important things. So do yourself a favor and implement these three action steps every time you’re building or sorting your to-do list: 1.Think about the difference between what is urgent vs. important. 2.Review all the obligations on your list. 3.Do what’s important ﬁrst. Sometimes everything on your list will look important, which might be true to an extent. But as you practice prioritizing, you will get better and better at it. And eventually you will know, without question, when to set aside the important things in order to accomplish the vital ones, like spending quality time with loved ones. (Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People .)

Keep your efforts aligned with your purpose. Getting anything worthwhile done is a matter of connecting with why you have chosen to do this thing in the first place. Don’t allow others to confuse you. Don’t let them convince your heart what is right for you. Your heart already knows. Listen to it. Don’t let anyone else dilute the power of your inner voice. You’ve got to stand up for something specific, on your own two legs, or you will achieve nothing worthwhile in your own mind’s eye. Within you there is a formidable and undeniable sense of purpose. Happiness comes from making a solid and persistent connection to that purpose. When your intentions are supported by a “why” that has meaning, you will find the “how” to bring them to life.

5 6 Play to your strengths and delegate when it makes sense.

When it comes to tackling big projects, you can try to do everything yourself, or you can reach out and ﬁnd the right people to help you. The ﬁrst choice will raise your stress and blood pressure; the second choice will raise your consciousness and effectiveness. Choosing the right perspective is so important; you CAN see life’s challenges as opportunities. When an unexpected obstacle is suddenly standing in your way, don’t get overwhelmed. Take a breather and regroup. Someone else nearby knows how to get around it. Find and engage them. For example, if your website is suddenly having glitches with a new web browser, don’t read a giant book on web design. Hire a professional web designer. See the problem as an opportunity to delegate. Life is trying to teach you that most long-term, worthy endeavors are team efforts, and so much more palatable when shared with others. Every unexpected obstacle in life is a lesson on

Socialize and share with peers. Regardless of what you’re trying to accomplish, it’s always easier if you have a group of people who understand what you’re doing, why you’re doing it, and what challenges you’re facing. Staying in touch with these people and sharing ideas with them will accelerate your effectiveness and happiness. Best selling author, Seth Godin, refers to these people as your tribe members. A tribe is a group of people connected to one another via an idea, movement or common goal. For millions of years, human beings have been part of one tribe or another. Godin says, “A group needs only two things to be a tribe: a shared interest and a way to communicate.” Every single one of us craves the feeling of being part of something bigger than ourselves. By nature, we are tribal, but oftentimes we become disconnected from our tribe. We know our people are out there – somewhere – but we feel lost and disconnected from them. If you’re feeling disconnected, open up to your peers and initiate a conversation. Tap into your tribe.

9 7 8

Leave the past behind as you plan ahead.

Commit to selfrespect, regardless of the issue at hand.

Whenever you catch yourself in a rambling bout of negative self-talk, stop and ask yourself, “If I had a friend who spoke to me in the same way that I sometimes speak to myself, how long would I allow this person to be my friend?” Remember, the way you treat yourself sets the standard for others, and the world at large, to follow. Above everyone else, YOU deserve YOUR respect. So make sure your decisions, behaviors and actions reﬂect your self-respect as you carry out your plans. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

Give what you can, as you seek what you desire.

In many ways, life is a circle – what you put in to it comes back around. When you make a positive impact in the world, the world will have a positive impact on you. If you want to be rich, be generous. If you want to make friends, be friendly. If you want to be heard, listen. If you want to be understood by others, take the time to truly understand them. If you want to live an interesting life, be interested in the happenings around you. You won’t always get back exactly what you wanted or expected, but when you give what you can you almost always receive what you need.

Let old problems remain where they belong – in the past. No matter how many times you revisit the past, there’s nothing new to see. Don’t let what once happened get in the way of what is happening. Just because you’ve made mistakes doesn’t mean your mistakes get to make you. If something important didn’t work yesterday, ﬁgure out what changes can be made today. Tame your inner critic; let go and move on productively. You must make a conscious effort to do this, it won’t happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, “I don’t care how hard this is. I don’t care how disappointed I am. I’m not going to let yesterday’s problems get the best of me. I’m taking the lessons and moving on with my life.”

Leave room to breathe. Things don’t always go as planned. Good things can’t always be planned. Be ﬂexible and open to life’s twists and turns. Organize, but don’t agonize. Keep your space and time ordered, but your schedule underbooked. Create a foundation with a soft place to land, a wide margin of error, and room to think and breathe… Freeing yourself from an overbooked schedule lets you experience more of life’s good surprises, and also provides you with ﬂ ex i b i l i t y w h e n t h e unforeseen disrupts your foresight.

conversation

alexa

I like Alexa Chung. Most people I know like her too for reasons which h ave been documented in e v e r y interview with the British TV presenter/model/designer. Sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s witty! Self-deprecating! Stylish, but not intimidatingly so! I concur, these points are entirely true,

with

The response to your book from your fans has been very positive, but when it comes to journalists, some of them seem to have been mean just to be mean. Like that Guardian piece that ended, “What does Alexa Chung do?”

Kim Taylor Bennett I also like Alexa because during the ﬁrst 10 minutes of our lunch she says the word cunt twice, which is something I didn’t expect with my side of fries. It’s an accurately deployed expletive angled at a notoriously embittered UK tabloid journalist who took pleasure in tapping out a 1500 plus word snarky takedown of Alexa and her book, It, when it dropped back in September. Alexa wouldn’t have brought this up, because she’s polite, but you know, I asked.

Alexa Chung: I like to think that the reason people don’t know is because I do so many things. I don’t think it’s them necessarily. That’s what I was talking about in the book signing last night, they were like, “What do you see yourself as?” And I was like, “Well I’m a journalist because I interview people on television and I interview people in print and I write features. So I’m a journalist.” But because I’ve not actually just said that, it’s harder for them to understand. I also think I’m someone that people like to project shit onto so no matter what I’m saying or doing, they’ll just interpret me however they want to. Which is a good thing if you’re working with designers, but it’s bad if it’s the general public because they can’t fathom what it is that you do. It’s not the nicest feeling, but I try not to take it as a personal smite. Everyone’s got an opinion. I wrote the book, I did it for my own reasons, and I’m happy with the result. And it’s something I was doing alongside a lot of things.

Did it help? Yeah, 100%. By the end of the book, I was like, “I’m ﬁne!” I realized over the course of reading the reviews for the book, the type of things people were expecting from me, whereas when I came up with the idea I had no expectation from myself. I read one interview that said, “This could have of been an opportunity for her to address the dark underbelly of the fashion industry.” Really? Is that the type of thing I would do? Can you imagine that I would do this huge exposé on this really dark fashion i n d u s t r y, which I’ve actually beneﬁted from and had very nice experiences interacting with? I don’t have that in my arsenal to leak out, so I can’t do that for you. Or equally, [some suggested] I could have expanded on notions of feminism or anything like that. It’s like, no. This was light-hearted, it wasn’t intended to be the story of my life. More than anything I wanted it to be a visual thing. Some people were calling it a coffee table book before it came out and it's more that end of the scale than War And Peace. It’s not like—"Listen to my story." It has more of an onus on imagery than text and that was intentional. So people are like, “It’s lacking this or that.” Yeah, I didn’t say I was going to do that.

And hilarious. The whole popularity of "EDM." People have gone mad.

What else do you miss about England? Attitude. I like it. I like that it’s harder to exist. It’s harder there. I think it’s good for the

Why do you think it’s harder? Just literally, the sky is bleaker. I only know London, really, but getting round London is a pain. It seems harder to make things happen, it’s more frowned upon to network and do things like that. I don’t feel comfortable when someone comes up and hands you their business card, trying to sell you their thing. It’s a bit weird. I like when people go on these convoluted journeys to achieve things. And in New York you can get food at 2am or get drinks at 4am: you can get whatever you want, whenever you want. It makes you lazier in a way. In London it’s difﬁcult, it’s a more cerebral or something. When the weather’s nicer and it’s more optimistic, it means you don’t have to retreat within and ponder things as much. There it’s a bit more naturally introspective.

How long are you going to stay out here? Forever. I don’t know. I love England so much and I miss it. Then I go there and miss here, I’m yo-yoing between. I’m not quite done with New York yet. I’ve been here four years. But I went back inbetween because I did Gonzo [for MTV UK] for a year. I feel like I could live anywhere, I don’t really mind. I don’t necessarily feel at home here, but I don’t not, as well. I just feel very confused. Do you feel at home?

Not yet. Sometimes I feel very out of place. Also it’s funny to think you know about music and then you move to America and really realize American hip-hop is so vast. It blows my mind. I can’t get a handle on it. Everyday at work there’s someone else. I’m like, “Sorry, run me through who Birdman is again? Who’s A$AP Ferg, again? So he’s friends with who?" It’s fascinating.

I know! It’s so weird. I try to say that in meetings at work, I’m like, “You guys, this is hilarious, they’re selling you something that’s so old, how is everyone falling for it? How did everyone miss it the ﬁrst time round?” Is it drugs? I think it’s drugs. Going mad for “molly.” Where have you been, guys? Wait, are we in Groundhog Day, hopping countries? We’ll go to Australia next and they’ll be like, “Wow!”

Can you name a record that helped you through a hard time? I don’t think it helped, but Townes Van Zandt, “Waiting Around To Die.” That was on repeat. “Sometimes I don’t know where this lonely road is taking me.”

That’s very maudlin. It’s too much, isn’t it? It feels wrong. Now I’m like,“R-E-S-P-E-C-T, ﬁnd out what it means to me!” I much prefer bleak music to anything else. Dev’s record, Coastal Grooves, actually. In the future, that will deﬁne this last year for me. There was no bar or restaurant you went into at that time in New York City that wasn’t playing that record. It’s amazing. I really like his lyrics. I just think he’s brilliant.

I have loved seeing him transform over the years. I t ’ s a m a z i n g , i s n’ t i t ? Unrecognizable.

I used to work in Beyond Retro [east London secondhand store] and Test Icicles would come in and I’d be like, “Who are these smelly boys?” I met them on a bus, the 149. I remember thinking, “Oh, you’re brilliant. You’re going to be this mad thing.” We had one mutual friend, Fiﬁ Brown. It was during MySpace heyday and he messaged me and was like, “We’re probably going to meet so I’ll just say hi now because I hate awkward da-da-da.” I was like, “Okay, weirdo.” Then we did meet and I was like, “You’re the MySpace guy!” He’s just one of my favorite humans. He’s so interesting and interested—in anything. I can take him to the Knicks and he’ll tell me about the history of basketball or we can be in record shops… or just anything. Well, just basketball or music.

Would you say you hang out with musicians most of the time? Yeah, I think so. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m somewhat musical. I can play things and I love talking about it. I would never be brave enough to make music, but I’m deﬁnitely very intrigued by the process. I suppose they’re the people with the most open timetables, so it’s very easy to hang out with musicians because they’re always around. It just happened that way. I got to meet a few people and you just keep meeting more. I’m comfortable with them, I understand the whole thing, you know?

Would you prefer not to date a lead singer now? I have no preference. It wasn’t… I didn’t mean it to pan out that way. Even [my ﬁrst boyfriend, photographer David] Titlow was a lead singer in the 80s. In a band called Blue Mercedes. I didn’t intend to date lead singers. Actually, there have been other occupations, but [the musicians] are the ones people wrote about.

You wrote about it in your book! Yeah, well that was part of a monologue, I was trying to be funny. Would I date outside? I do, and I will. But I don’t stray far, it’s still photographers and that’s basically the same thing. Difﬁcult…

What are you listening to right now? On my record player I have [Pulp’s] His ‘n’ Hers.Tame Impala all the time. Elvis Costello, “This Year’s Girl.” It reminds me of that Tom Wolfe essay called, “The Girl of the Year” about Baby Jane Holzer. Have you read that one? She’s at this Rolling Stones gig and it opens with him observing all these bouncing teenage girls and he’s doing this proﬁle on Baby Jane Holzer, who was an it girl for nine months in 1967 or something, and it’s like the perfect story. But anyway, that song reminds me of that, how disposable that thing is, and how people are vampires, and they’re like, “Oh! The new thing!” Like, Sky Ferreira, or Grimes, or Lorde. They suck them up, don’t they?

Ravenous. That’s society these days. I just ﬁnd it amazing and she was amazing—Lorde. I did an interview with her and she was a super-smart girl.

Sorry, an image of you twerking popped up in my head. Can you imagine?

I’m trying not to! I think she was raised by a writer. Really clever wolves. Really bookish wolves. She’s deﬁnitely streets ahead of everyone.

Creepy, actually. When I was 16 I was beyond awkward. Can you imagine, someone putting a camera on you at 16? Your opinions are being recorded and will be echoed forever.

I’m happy that my teenage emotions are contained in private diaries. They can stay there. How do you feel about everyone being so insistent that you must have an opinion on Miley Cyrus? I wonder how these things happen. There’s no lull in other news. I don’t know what happens when suddenly everyone congregates and gravitates to one human. I feel that there’s something really wrong and missing and lacking from society in general. How do I feel about Miley Cyrus? I think she’s really young and having fun. It’s obviously not something I would do, and can’t.

I don’t know when it became acceptable to be quite as harsh about women just out of their teens who are experimenting. They’ve been given this platform and more money and more exposure to do it, within the conﬁnes of their experimental phase, and that’s unfortunate in some ways. But I don’t think we should put too much serious weight on it. What were you doing when you were 20? We’re like, “She really means that.” Well, maybe she doesn’t. Not to be patronizing, because she does know what she’s doing, but it’s just a grand scale version of what everyone did at that age—it’s just we didn’t have Terry Richardson documenting it for us. I don’t think she’s being manipulated either. I think she is intelligent enough to make her own decisions. She’s obviously clever, she’s made millions. Newspapers are really weird because they’re like, "Oh someone should really do something." Yet they point a ﬁnger, but also eschew responsibility. Who are the people that are gonna [intervene]? And what would they say? What’s gone wrong? She discovered hip-hop and is really happy about it, that’s cool. I wonder what will happen in the future…

“ s e l fi e ”

I was thinking 60s to the current day.

In general? Yeah, what’s gonna happen. And maybe this kind of thing has come out of the rise of social media and the way we consume news: it’s inherently more gossipy because you can’t really get deep in 140 characters. Or it doesn’t seem real. I don’t know. It’s very odd. I feel like that Russell Brand stuff is interesting. He went on Newsnight and talked to Jeremy Paxman about trying to start a revolution. He wrote that thing for the Guardian about the GQ awards and how pantomime-y the whole celebrity party is. Russell Brand was saying about Occupy Wall Street that obviously nothing really came of it, but at least it opened up people’s eyes to what the term 1% even meant. And then saying he doesn’t vote. Anyway. Let’s carry on with fashion.

You know the 60s is hard for me, because I love pretty much anything that happened then. This isn’t someone I necessarily love the style of, but I like this moment in time, so I’m changing your vibe—you know the T.A.M.I. Show? It happened in the 60s, it was the ﬁrst kind of teen concert. It was a variety show in LA and it was hosted by the Beach Boys who would skateboard in. Leslie Gore is there, she’s 15 years old, she sings, “You Don’t Own Me” and it’s the best performance ever. She’s got this insane hair that’s like a wig—a really hard wig. You wouldn’t know she’s 15 unless you research it. She looks literally 45, but she also looks amazing. It’s a really simple shot with her being really sassy. In the background of the T.A.M.I. Show they have dancers for all the other acts in Capri pants and like sweatshirts, I believe they called them sloppy joes. I know that because my grandma was claiming to have broken them in Southampton, England. I was like, “Calm down Grandma!” Who else? Ronettes? That’s in the book. I like their cat eye eyeliner… Cher looked pretty cool in the 60s.

She did. Like, weird Pocahontas outﬁts and poker-straight ass-length hair. Not ass hair.

What about the 70s? Jimi Hendrix, everything hanging off him. Dev’s kind of got that three layer rule as well—lots of layers, bandana. I always wonder what those clothes would look like in real life. They look amazing on 8mm ﬁlm or in photographs, but you know they were just highly ﬂammable. It just stank probably.

That would be awkward. Sixties Tina Turner, she looked amazing! That body. When she’s supported the Rolling Stones, she’s got that gold mini-dress on. Sick! Brilliant, that massive wig. Her backup dancers all had amazing outﬁts as well. NOT 1980s Tina.

No Thunderdome? No! Not interested.

It was at this point that we stepped outside to get some air because the lady next to us was having a very loud, I’m i m p o r t ant-and-in-New-York-City professional meltdown. I then started a new recording which fully failed to capture the final 15 minutes of our chat, which means the musicians whose style Alexa rates in this current decade and in the 2000s—bar The Horrors—has been lost to the ether. Thanks a bunch technology. Nevertheless, it stands that Alexa is entirely enamored with the threads from decades past, and for her, the current raft of music stars are sartorially, at least leaving something to be desired. So what does Alexa Chung do? She's got excellent taste, certainly, but she's also a multi-tasker. It's almost moot to point out that to be a woman in the spotlight and at the top of your game, you're never merely an actress, pop star, presenter, or model. You're an ambassador, a face of, a designer, an ad infinitum slashie, and with the blurred lines between various forms of media and art, "icons" of the moment tend to have their fingers in all pies. Alexa's making the most of her demand and working hard for it too. And yeah, she's also exactly what her glasses spell out.

the man

who lived without money

Think you couldn’t live without money? Irishman Mark Boyle challenged this notion and here’s how he finds life with no financial income, bank balance, and no spending. “If someone told me seven years ago, in my final year of a business and economics degree, that I’d now be living without money, I’d have probably choked on my microwaved ready meal.” According to Boyle, the plan back then was to ‘get a good job’, make as much money as possible, and buy the stuff that would show society he was successful.

Like most individuals raised in a consumer-driven society, he never second guessed those goals. For a while he had a fantastic job managing a big organic food company and even had a yacht in the harbor. If it hadn’t have been for the chance purchase of a video called Gandhi, he’d still be pursuing the same life. “I’d still be doing it today. Instead, for the last fifteen months, I haven’t spent or received a single penny. Zilch”. The change in life path came one evening on the yacht while philosophizing with a friend over a glass of Merlot. “Whilst I had been s ig ni fic a ntl y i nfluenc ed by Mahatma’s quote “be the change you want to see in the world”, I had no idea what that change was up until then.” The two friends began talking about all the major issues in the world environmental destruction, resource wars, factory farms, sweatshop labor – and wondered which of the issues they could best devote their time to. Mark didn’t feel he could really make any difference, however “being two small drops in a highly polluted ocean”. That evening, though, a revelation came through: “These issues weren’t as unrelated as I had previously thought – they had a common root cause. I believe the fact that we no longer see the d i r e c t r e p e r c u s s i o n s o u r purchases have on the people, environment, and animals they affect is the factor that unites these problems.” Boyle believes that the degrees of separation between the consumer and the consumed have increased so much that it now means most people are completely unaware of the levels of destruction and suffering embodied in the ‘stuff’ they buy. It can be agreed that few people actually want to cause suffering to others; most just don’t have any idea that they directly are. The tool that has enabled this separation is money, especially in its globalized format. “If we grew our own food, we wouldn’t waste a third of it today” is one of Mark’s examples as to why it’s important a reconnection with natural/source living is established. “If we made our own tables and chairs, we wouldn’t throw them out the moment we changed the interior décor. If we had to clean our own water, we probably wouldn’t shit in it”.

The above arguments all honestly assess the undervalue most objects now have. With convenience at our fingertips, most don’t consider where their trash product or unwanted items go. Deciding to be the change, this then spurred Mark to fully dive into his new viewpoint and give up money, which he only planned on doing for a year. “I made a list of the basics I’d need to survive. I adore food, so it was at the top. There are four legs to the food-for-free table: foraging wild food, growing your own, bartering and using waste grub, of which there are far more”. On his first day, he fed 150 people a three-course meal with waste and foraged food. For himself, however, he ate his own crops and waste only made up about 5% of his diet. “I cooked outside – rain or shine – on a rocket stove”. The next concern was shelter. He found himself a caravan from Freecycle, parked it on an organic farm he volunteered with, and renovated it out to be off the electricity grid. I’d use wood I either coppiced or scavenged to heat my humble abode in a wood burner made from an old gas bottle, and I had a compost loo to make ‘humanure’ for my veggies”. Up front and to the point, Boyle clearly understood the necessity of using every available resource to be most sustainable. “I bathed in a river, and for toothpaste I used washed up cuttlefish bone with wild fennel seeds, an oddity for a vegan. For loo I’d relieve the local newsagent of its papers (Once I wiped my arse with a story about myself); it wasn’t double quilted but it quickly became normal”. For transportation, Mark used his bike and trailer, using the 55 km commute to the city as an alternative solution for the gym. Beeswax candles served as his lighting. Humorously inspiring to some, deluded and anti-capitalist to others, Mark had this to say about his radical lifestyle: “Many people label me as anti-capitalist. Whilst I do believe capitalism is fundamentally flawed, requiring infinite growth on a finite planet, I am not anti anything.” More than anything, Boyle claims to be pro-nature, pro-community, and pro-happiness. How often is that a city dweller’s life philosophy?

One of the most common questions we get is: "But how do I survive without a job? You have plenty of philosophy, inspiring quotes and theory on this site, and I know that my attitude is important, but I'd also like to hear stories from others about how they've done it and see a list of practical ideas I can use in ﬁguring out a way for me to free myself from wage slavery."

LIve the life

“And that’s the thing I don’t get – if all this consumerism and environmental destruction brought happiness, it would make some sense. But all the key indicators of unhappiness – depression, crime, mental illness, obesity, suicide and so on are on the increase.” More money, it seems, does not equate to more happiness. Another positive effect of Mark’s unique lifestyle is the joy he has created for himself. “Ironically, I have found this year to be the happiest of my life. I’ve more friends in my community than ever, I haven’t been ill since I began, and I’ve never been ﬁtter. I’ve found that friendship, not money, is real security. That most western poverty is spiritual, and that independence is really interdependent.” Mark’s example certainly stands as inspiration for those seeking freedom from the fast-paced modern age; most alternative media sources would agree that the more one reconnects to nature, the better their mental, physical, and spiritual health is. However, could everyone live like this? According to Mark, no. “It would be a catastrophe, we are too addicted to both it and cheap energy, and have m anage d to b u i l d a n e n t i re g lobal inf rast r uc t u re a ro u n d t h e abu ndance of both .” The prospect of gradually transitioning to re-localized, small communities is a possibility, though. With greener energy sources and healthier communities being implemented at a growing rate, natural living is already a reality, but may be made m uch m or e m a i n s t rea m i n t h e fu tu r e t o com e . “For over 90 percent of our time on the planet, a period when we lived much more ecologically, we lived without money. Now we are the only species to use it, probably because we are the species most out of touch with nature.” Asked what was missing from his old world of lucre and business, Mark replied “Stress. Trafﬁc-jams. Bank statements. Utility bills. Oh yeah, and the odd pint of organic ale with my mates down at the local”. It just goes to show, if you are passionate about anything, you can be that change you’d like to see in the world.

So, by popular demand, here are many ideas for living a job-free life yet meeting your needs for food, shelter, etc. These are culled from a brainstorm session that took place on our e-mail discussion list and from suggestions sent to us by supporters all over the world, though the names of the contributors have been deleted. It should be noted that these are all ideas, not necessarily recommendations. It is up to you to make your own choices; we provide this list in the hopes that it will stimulate thought about alternatives to the traditional nine-to-ﬁve grind.

"If we grew our own food, we wouldn't waste a third of it as we do today If we made our own tables and chairs, we wouldn't throw them out the moment we changed the interior decor. If we had to clean our own drinking water, we probably wouldn't contaminate it."

I don't really think that people asking this question is such a strange thing. It's prefectly natural to not be able to think for yourself or see any alternatives for living when you have been trained to live and think inside the box all your life the way the majority of us have been.

For the most part, when someone asks me [how I did it and how they might life live a job-free life] (and they do), I try to find out first just where they are in their life. In other words, what style of living are they used to and just how basically they are willing to live. However, since I can't get that info from the person asking in this case, I'll just venture one suggestion. Something that I have done in the past. When I went out to live in California in my early twenties, I shared (sharing cuts down on the cost of living expenses) a small, relatively inexpensive, mostly unfurnished apartment with a friend. The only furniture we had was a mattress for the bedroom floor (where I slept), a convertible couch in the living room (where she slept), a coffee table (which we ate off) and one chair. Oh yes, we had a two burner hot plate but one burner didn't work. We did not have a refrigerator, which didn't matter much because we didn't have much money for food to put in it. I signed up with the only temp agency that I knew of at the time (it was my first experience with temp agencies). I made minimum wage but still managed to save 50% of my net income (that's really basic living) and, therefore, was able to not work 50% of the time. Some people might think that working for temp agencies is like still having a job but it is so different, as least from my point of view, and affords one so much more freedom and flexibility and, most importantly "control", that it is as different as day and night. However, it may not be the way to go for someone who is inflexible, insecure or afraid of meeting new people/new challenges on a weekly, sometimes even daily, basis. One thing it isn't is 'boring'.

I always suggest to people I talk to about this to get a copy of Charles Long's book "How to Survive without a Salary". He's got some really excellent suggestions in it on how to (as the title says) live without a salary. Another great book is by Larry Roth, entitled "Simple Living". The book is a collection of essays by other simple livers/alternative types, who offer a plethora of GREAT examples of how to beat the system. I got it at the library, but for me, it's a keeper so I'm probably gonna buy it....used of course. Naturally, there is the barter thing (our community has a great barter system set-up). You can also do it just between two people. What about joining a food co-op? I am a working member at our local co-op, and I get such a great discount on my groceries! What about other co-op ideas: babysitting, book exchanges, tool trades, lawn care, cooking, etc. These can be set up between friends, neighbors, family members....the possibilities are endless. Perhaps you have a material product that you can trade with others: horse manure (for local garderners - compost), crafts, jars of jam, books, antiques, baby clothes... One of our local churches here in town, has a yearly "give away." It's just like a garage sale only everything is free. It is community wide. It has been a tremendous success and everyone does their part and people are so well behaved! Perhaps someone could rally such an event in your community, giving people a chance to clean out stuff plus get some things you need like linens, coats, furniture, etc.

Learn to cut

your own hair

consider taking up

dumpster diving

tips for living without a job Learn plant identiďŹ cation and foraging get your salad the hunter/gatherer way. For living arrangements, consider "caretaking" or "house sitting." Consider working part time for a charity or relief organization. I have done this and at least it was satisfying in that I knew the work being done was for a good reason! Reconsider everything about our culture and American/western lifestyle choices that you have always been taught and believed. Do you really have to have all the things that our culture says are "normal" for civilized people to have in this day and age? If you do a craft and there are craft/swap meets in your area, for a minimal fee you can rent a table and make some extra cash that way. I have done this with my little greeting card making hobby. It's fun and you meet fun people this way! Live near a college? Hire yourself to type term papers.

There are companies that pay you to read books and scripts. I looked into this once, but it was years ago. I never did it, and now I've lost the info. Maybe someone out there knows more about it There are those "home party" companies like Tupperware and Discovery Toys. I have never done these but know a few ladies who did and really seemed to enjoy it. There seemed to be some freedom there. Seasonal work - Xmas tree - wreath making, etc. Live without a car - work and live near all your needs so you can walk or take a bus or ride a bike. Consider sharing a car. There are some people doing this now. There are also some communities forming "car co-ops." I think Portland, OR has one. Do you have a skill or knowlege you could teach? Through our Parks and Rec. Dept. here, one can rent a room at the community center for a minimal charge, then teach a class or classes and charge per person.

ology of

edgar Allan Poe

psych

Leighton stone

POE

was described as a mischievous child, playing practical jokes on classmates and teachers… One teacher was quoted as saying that Poe had an “…excitable temperament with a great deal of self-esteem.” This grandiose self view would remain consistent throughout Poe’s life; however, Poe was defensive and threatened by negative comments. This is consistent with a narcissistic self-view rather than healthy self-esteem. Although successful in his studies, he did not have many friends and wrote that school was a “miserable” experience. Classmates stated that he was incredibly defensive and did not allow others to get close… As Poe aged his health deteriorated and he continued to drink heavily. He was described by coworkers and family as chronically melancholic, acquiring the nickname ‘the man who never smiles’… Poe had a great deal of pride, evident in his refusal to accept money when he and his wife were both sick and unable to work… An examination of the letters Poe wrote to family reveals that he was a dramatic individual. He often used excessive, theatrical language, poignantly captured in his statement, “I do believe God gave me a spark of genius, but He quenched it in misery”

When describing Poe in terms of the Five-Factor Model of personality we can conclude that he would be high on Neuroticism – evident by the constant nervous anxiety he was said to have, as well as his melancholy and irritability. Poe would also be described as being low in Agreeableness and Conscientiousness since he was argumentative, untrusting, and lacked self-control (i.e. his drinking, his failure to pursue e d u c a t i o n ) .

at age 2 Poe lost his mother to tuberculosis at the age of 2; he was then adopted, but his foster mother died young as well. He enrolled at the University of Virginia but became involved in gambling and had to ask his foster father for money; they argued and at the age of 20, Poe was cut off from his family. He married, but his wife suffered frequent illnesses, and died at the age of 25 in 1847; by this time Poe was drinking heavily and he died after collapsing ‘drunk and delirious’ in 1849.

“The Raven” by Edgar Allan Poe is wrought The second stanza includes the line with symbolism of the mind, specifically the “…bleak December”. December, in subconscious and the conscious aspects of literary arenas indicate depression, Mind. The poem is an interesting one, in the melancholy, and death. Poe is clearly sense that one can argue that the events of setting the stage for introducing the the piece are not happening to the narrator death of his long-lost Lenore. He also himself, but rather, within him, specifically, writes “…each separate dying ember within his mind. This is reminiscent of Poe’s wrought its ghost upon the floor…”. poem “The Haunted Palace[2],” where the ‘Dying ember’ is reminiscent of the mind is described as “monarch Thought’s light of life being blown out. Poe is dominion”, and hair is described as banners, further setting the landscape of death and the mouth painted as “pearl and ruby and darkness. The dying embers could glowing”, from which thoughts flow. Perhaps also be symbolic of a dying sanity. The “The Raven” is also describing the dominions narrator states that the dying embers and outpourings of a deranged and wrought ghosts on the floor. These depressed mind. The poem initiates with a ghosts can be the remainders of dark tone, “...midnight dreary…”, which sets sanity, and the floor can be the mind, the proverbial stage of the tenor of the which is the foundation for thoughts. piece. The first stanza also sets up the idea The third stanza Poe writes about that perhaps the narrator is on the boundary the rustling of the curtain filling him between sleep and wakefulness, as with terror never felt before. evidenced by the line “ While I nodded, Women’s dresses also rustle, so nearly napping…” The narrator, though perhaps the curtains sounds are nearly asleep, is clearly aware of certain reminding him of his maiden’s happenings around him. However, the movements when she was alive, thus happenings are more in his mind, rather than filling him with terror, not in the sense outside his body. This could be considered a of fright, but in the sense of memories sort of lucid dreaming, where the sleeper is that invade and cause much grief in aware of his dreams, at least to a certain him. The narrator states that sounds ex t e n t , a n d m a y b e a b l e t o c o n t r o l hea rd a t hi s c ha mber door must be c e r t a i n aspects of his dreams, but is still some l a te vi si tor. The c ha mber door subject to the power of his subconscious. can be symbolic of the mind itself, The narrator is said to also be pondering much like the symbolism wrought in “forgotten lore”. This forgotten lore could be “The Haunted Palace”. The visitor suppressed memories. The fact that the could be the thoughts trying to be narrator is pondering over them suppressed by the narrator during c o u l d m e a n that the narrator is trying to the day. However, since the narrator learn the truth of his mind and perhaps is in the mental state between trying to figure something out, something wa keful ness and sleep, he is aware of that may be bothering him and something these thoughts, but is not so aware that was s u p p r e s s e d a n d i s n o w b u b b l i n g that he can try to suppress them, as up to the surface of his consciousness. he m i g h t d o i f h e w e r e f u l l y a w a ke .

In the fourth stanza, the narrator states that his “soul grew stronger”. Perhaps now the narrator is entering a deeper state of sleep, where even the strangest things can be ascribed to the nocturnal wanderings of the mind, which cannot harm the dreamer. So since now the narrator is in the safety of his dreaming mind, he is more comfortable and is not as frightened of what his subconscious might try to bring to the surface of his consciousness. The narrator opens the door and states that darkness greeted him. This could be tantamount to the narrator trying to open wide the doors of his subconscious, but, being in a dream state, is not able to understand what his subconscious holds, and therefore his consciousness, not being able to understand the symbols of the dreaming mind, ascribes darkness to the subconscious’ outpourings. The narrator here seems to want to learn the truth of his mind, but is not able to because he is either not fully prepared to handle to truth, or is not able to perceive and understand it. This is a throwback to the ﬁrst stanza, where the narrator states that he was pondering forgotten lore. This forgotten lore could be symbolic of his suppressed memories. In the ﬁfth stanza, the narrator continues that he stood in the darkness looking around but perceived nothing, the silence was unbroken, except by the whisper of “Lenore”. This is further evidence to the idea that the narrator is trying to both unearth and suppress memories, memories that are depressing because they are memories of death and grief, b ut memori es tha t a re there nonethel ess.

The narrator is back is his chamber and hears knocking at his window. In “The Haunted Palace”, the eyes were described as luminous windows. Perhaps windows in The Raven are also symbolic of eyes, but not the physical ones of the face, but rather, the mind’s eye. When the narrator opens the window, he finds a raven. Ravens are usually bad omens; they are harbingers of death and darkness. In a literary context, finding a raven, or some other black bird, is a sign that something is wrong or something bad will happen. Here, in “The Raven”, the bird can be symbolic of dark and depressing thoughts in the narrator’s mind. The bird flies upon the bust of Pallas, which is the goddess Athena, symbol of wisdom. Here again, the bird can be viewed as a harbinger of the thoughts of the narrator’s subconscious. The bird is trying to enlighten the narrator of the workings of the gears of his subconscious.

T h i s i d ea i s f urther evidenced by the bird perching upon the narrator’s chamber door. The chamber is a symbol for the mind, while the door can be symbolic of the conscious mind. Therefore, the bird if ﬂying from the depths of t h e n a r r a t o r ’ s subconscious, and trying to reveal its truth to the conscious mind. The narrator states that the raven is from “Night’s Plutonian shore”. Hence, the bird can further be viewed as coming forth from the narrator’s mind’s nocturnal wanderings. Also, the fact that the bird is talking and the narrator is not ﬁnding it too strange that an animal is speaking, can be evidence for the fact that the narrator may be dreaming. This is another throwback to the idea that the narrator may be lucid dreaming and is aware on some levels of the workings of his subconscious mind.

However, the bird, when asked of its name, states that its name is “Nevermore”. Here, Poe is using personiﬁcation in the bird; animals do not normally speak, and if an animal is given a human quality such as speech, the animal is sometimes a symbol of something else. This ‘ s o m e t h i n g e l s e’ c o u l d be the narrator’s subconscious. The fact that the bird said its name was “Nevermore”, could perhaps be foreshadowing the narrator never truly learning about his suppressed memories or what his subconscious is trying to tell him.

The narrator then tells himself that the bird will leave him on the morrow. Perhaps, then, the narrator has embarked in lucid dreaming before to try to ease out suppressed memories and thoughts, but that upon waking up in the morning, loses the information that he has gained, as his conscious had not had time to fully grasp any meanings from dreams. Therefore, the narrator is lucid of the fact that he is dreaming, but is not able to truly take advantage of his opportunity---he can’t fully grasp the outpourings of his mind.

The narrator then speaks that the bird is only able to say “nevermore”, and that the bird is from an “unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster followed f a s t … ”. Therefore, the bird is again symbolic of the narrator’s thoughts, and the narrator is now concretely describing himself as unhappy and having unfortunate things happen to him. The fact that the bird can only say “nevermore” is perhaps evidence that the narrator feels that he can never feel happy again. This is further substantiated by the line that states “the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore….” Dirges are sung at funerals. Since the narrator is connecting dirge and hope, then the narrator feels no hope for the future---he is truly depressed and has no hope for the future. However, the narrator has not completely lost his ability to smile, and thus, feel some happiness within the darkness of his depression. He also still has hope that he might ﬁgure out things----he sits in front of the bird and bust and door. Again, the bird is symbolic of his subconscious, the bust, of wisdom and truth, and the door (chamber door), his consciousness. Therefore, the narrator has not lost the hope and energy to try to ﬁgure out the truth his subconscious is trying to bring forth onto the surface of his conscious mind.

The bird is described as having “ﬁery eyes”, which are reminiscent of demons. The bird, then, though perhaps some hope for the narrator, also is bringing with it the demons of the mind. This is further demonstrated by the narrator describing the bird as a “thing of evil”, and as a “ﬁend”. The narrator both wants to understand the bird, but at the same time, realizes that the bird can also shackle the narrator in the hell of his mind. Demons can trick humans into feeling powerful and feeling as if they are in charge, but, in fact, shackle them in darkness and evil. Perhaps Poe is trying to draw this parallel to the outpourings of the subconscious mind. Perhaps the mind knows what it is doing when suppressing certain things, things that may be best left unearthed.

The last stanza states that the raven still is sitting. The emphasis in the line is on ‘still’, hinting that the subconscious seems to want to break through to the conscious level, but that the narrator may not want that anymore. However, the narrator seems not to have the power to s u p p r e s s h i s subconscious anymore. Now, the narrator views his suppressed thoughts as demons and perhaps hurtful, and will never leave him, as stated by the line “and my soul from out that shadow that lies ﬂoating on the ﬂoor shall be lifted---nevermore”.

a day in the life of autism lesile crown

a motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s testimonials

It's the end of the school year. Thank You God, We have made it though another year. This year has been tough. Brandon is more aware of his condition. He tries harder but then he also ﬁghts harder too. He's moving on to the 4th grade. Wow.. I have looked back in my blog and it seems like yesterday Brandon was an undiagnosed kid unleashed on the School system. I am sure they loved me. I tried to tell them. I am working on a new thought of an outside group of kids playgroup that meets so Brandon has kids that he grows up with. Right now he does not have anyone that he plays with on a regular basis. I need to work on this. By creating a social group for him he feels normal for him. Maybe this will help?? we'll see?? Keep you posted!!

I spent tonight looking over my past Days like today are rare. Just lying posts and I am struck how it just goes around all day in our PJ's having fun. over and over. Life with a son who has Laughing, tickling, singing, dancing. autism is hard. Last week the school Just the fun, smiling days that are so said that Brandon baffles them. I rare. Hugs all day. When he wants agree, he baffles me to. I never know something he asks and if I say no he what to expect. Everyday I pray that doesn't go into a fit. Today he even the phone does not ring at work with acted like his sisters. He got a little Brandon screaming in the pleading face, and stuck his lip out background. I pray that he has not hit and said PLEASE.....How can I say no anyone. That he is safe. That we make to that??It's days like today that it though another day. Do the other make you think that everything is families feel like this? normal and what life would be like Can anyone that we know, know what without the arguing and little quirks we go through everyday to just make that make Brandon so different. the day a good one not look at us and Then I kick myself for my pity party say you do what?? We start the day and just remember to be grateful the night before by prepping for the for today. That's the hard part for next day. What's going to happen.. me is the pity party's and the stress I What to expect... Robert has to wake put myself under for not seeing up Brandon and rough house with what was happening earlier. For not him. make sure he is dressed correctknowing. For not going to the right ly..make sure he brushes his teeth has doctor. Here I go again... I AM grateon his shoes and glasses..then we get ful for today. I am blessed to have down stairs make sure he eats ..takes my kids and blessed to have a day in his medicine.. double check that he my pj's with a laughing smiling took it and did not forget..does he little boy. Hugs all day. As his have his coat and backpack?? . drop older sister was saying today... him off at school because the bus was Ready.. Set...Toothbrush... to loud...then pray he makes it through the day without and incident and along the way he learns something...pick him up at 5:15 ..ask how his day was...I can look at him and know.. if he's waiting for me and looking down it was a bad day...if he is hopping and laughing it was good and he's allowed TV time....go home and start homework while I am cooking dinner...fight with him to do it while I am not standing right beside him...Robert gets home..we eat dinner..finish homework....homework can take up to two hours depending on if he got everything done at school that day...go upstairs wind down and take baths... have a dance party in our bedroom with the ipod and flashlights...Give Brandon his night time meds... lay out his clothes and talk to him about the next day..kiss him and get the best hug ever because he looks you in the eyes and says "I Love You, Mom." and squeezes... then he says "Can I call you when I'm sick?"... I stop..say "yes, Brandon." He has to ask the same question everynight..he has for 4 years, since he learned to talk. Yes, this is our day. Everyday. Some nights are different..we have boy scouts..gymnastics..tae kwon do but essentially it is the same. Always the same... except for the days that it's not, then watch out.

ready set

toothbrush

It's like the wack a mole game. Just when you think everything is good, trouble pops up somewhere else. You whack that problem(not really). Then when you think all is good then up pops another problem. Dang. You try to keep your cool, you try not to scream but then you take care of that one and POP. It's like a war. But it's never ending and it's no ones fault. Not the family, not the child, not anyone. You just want to rage at the injustice of it all, to place the blame somewhere, to ﬁx it but you can't. I blame myself alot. Why, because I did not catch it earlier. My dad says that's dumb, we had no idea what it was and had every test ran and even the doctors did not catch it. It's like I'm the Mom, I should Know these things. Stupid, reason really but just like war, it doesn't make sense. I spend alot of time reading about autism but none of it makes me feel as good as reading Temple Gradin. All the rest of them say use this or that. I can't afford half of what they say. They lucky thing is that we are in Williamson Co and they have the best special ed system. The autism specialist comes out to help and Brandon has his own Teachers Aid. Thank goodness we looked ahead and moved here. Like making a strategic move in war you have to keep ahead of the game. Autism feels like a war zone. I pray for our family everyday. I pray for my husband and I because this is hard. Autism is hard on the family. I never know if what I am doing is right. I just try to do the next right thing. and make it fun in the process. You have to keep your sense of humor. Laugh. ALOT!!!

This is the hard part. You don't want to hurt or damage but you also can't lay down and let him walk all over you. There are people who say we are hard on Brandon but what they don't realize is that if you go outside the rules or give an inch you've lost control. We enforce the rules here at our house and everybody is involved. I hold Brandon just as responsible as his sisters. We put Brandon up with the same rules as his sisters. He also has the same consequences. We don't verbally abuse or physically abuse the kids which alot of people do. Alot of people tend to let all this get to them...the frustrations I mean. If Brandon hits someone we go over what happened and work as a family as to what the right thing to do is. We role play this with Me Robert and his sisters. This is very important. By role playing, he can work on the socially correct way to handle things. We do spank if the offense is serious enough, we also use the withdrawal of toys, computer games and XBox as an attention getter. By placing a consequence on the action we are helping him to recognize what he did. Brandon used to drive me crazy because he would hit someone and when i asked him why he would say because I did. This would go in circles. We did not have cause and effect down. If you do this, then this will happen. If you lie or hit then you get in serious trouble. Picking up a stick during recess and ignoring the teacher when she tells you to put it down and THEN getting sent to the principals office is semi serious. Running out into the street is serious . Not paying attention needs work and encouragement. We work on that ALOT. Now some might not agree, some might say that since he has autism I should not do anything but I dare say, walk a mile in my shoes. Walking that fine line between rules and hugs and discipline is a hard one for any parent. The best part is when it was over is the hugs and learning how NOT to do whatever started it in the first place. Love does answer alot of problems but Tough love answers the rest.

We'll I never thought this year would be easy, and I am knocking on wood... but While he's not having a perfect year, he has not hit anyone in at least 6 weeks!! Yea!! Yes, it's sad to celebrate the fact that your child hasn't hit a teacher in 6 weeks but it's the small victories that matter. I spend every night working on homework, I work during the day, we hit gymnastics, and tae Quan Do. The fun never stops. I had spent so much time not attending after school activites due to Brandon's Autism. I finally decided that it might do him some good. The hard part is telling where we are going. Several times.. Another Point... Brandon has a new assistant that is helping him. Mrs. Pope. Brandon cried and argued for the first few days because he missed Mrs. Hale. He decided he wanted to be called "B" instead of Brandon. I called his teacher to make sure she knew he was mad at Mr. Guinane(the principal) because he moved Mrs. Hale. I'm sure that would go over well for him to attack the principal out of the blue. He finally admitted he like Mrs. Pope.. I just know that it is just like Brandon to hold on to something then remember that he's mad and jump on Mr.Guinane. I'll keep you updated....

Well, what a month. School Started, new year, new teachers, new adjustment period, homework, Arrgggg!!! I started by trying to warn my sons new teacher that it would be difﬁcult and that we need to use different methods to help him. After he broke down while trying to do all the homework that was sent home I emailed her after she asked how was it going. He broke down twice while trying to get done with all the assignments. Hopefully, we'll work together this year to make his year successful.

Well, Brandon got kicked out of SACC a couple of weeks ago. It took me a while to get back to blogging. I did not want to rant and rave. Brandon was only allowed to get three demerits for the whole summer. Well, we did not know this. That's usually his limit for a day not the whole summer. Well, they said they had made concessions. hmmm. Well, the girl who wrote him up met my husband at the door with a smile and said Brandon won't be able to come back, he got a demerit yesterday. When he asked why it wasn't given to me YESTERDAY, she said well I forgot to write it up so I did this morning. Well my husband told him well I will call my wife and she can work it out with you. I did not call the boss, but her bosses boss. We talked about the Williamson co policy on dealing with kids with special needs and his IEP. My complaint with this girl was that she could not deal with autistic kids, but she was in charge of giving him demerits? Her attitude toward my husband, smiling like this is going to be Brandon's last day? I was told that this would be her last time working with him. We gave them all the tools we work with. I gave the director all the stuff to help that we use at home and at school. Brandon did get in trouble, don't think he didn't. He had consequences. He did throw a toy at the teacher. She was trying to get it from him but pulling it from him was a bad choice. ANYWAY, I know that Brandon WAS in SACC the next week. It starts... The battles to make sure he gets good care, the battle to make sure he gets treated right... It starts for this year anyway. I ﬁght everyday, every hour, every second. And I will continue to....For as long as it takes....

Well we went to the redneck paradise of Dollywood for our vacation this year and had a Great Time!! I really thought it would be a waste of time but between the rides and nice cabin we had fun. The only hard part was getting Brandon to have a good time. That was a LOT of work. The funniest time was when we were walking into the park and a nice lady took our picture for us, the lady said ya'll have a goodtime in DOL-LY- WO-OD. Yes I am from the south born and raised BUT I don't take an extra syllable to say every word. The funny part of this is Brandon saying to everyone "We are in DOL-LY- WO-OD". It was priceless. I will say that the hardest part was getting him to ride the rides. Once we got him on one he was ﬁne. The wet ones were the hardest though. He fought tooth and nail and then was like "OK Let's go again!!" This was part for the whole vacation. He loved the cabin and wanted to stay their ALL THE TIME!! We only got him to leave by saying if we go back to the cabin you will have to go to bed. It was a choice, made by him you can do what we want to do or you can do the lesser choice. He always made the right choice but we had to give him these several times. These were started by don't want to ride the swings... choice, then OH I had a great time. Then don't want to get on whatever ride....choice, then Oh I had a great time. After 5 hours of this the fun on me and my husbands part was a little strained but the end result was good memories for all. Brandon was not tall enough for the roller coasters but he watched each one. We will be back to ride those, he told me. That may have been the problem all along, who knows... His sisters had fun, we had fun, Brandon had fun.... That's all that matters. oohh, I came home with chicken pox, everything can't be perfect. Brandon keeps looking for the chickens though...

Well Brandon did NOT get his meds o v e r t h e w e e ke n d . I p u t instructions in the bag with the bottles and once again he came home with just about the same amount of meds that he left with. I really don't understand how you can see the beneďŹ ts he gets from his meds, acknowledge that but not give them?? Consistency is the key with a autistic child. He has enough to deal with without being put back because someone did not give his meds right. It just makes me SOOOOO mad!! Well, we will be gone for a few days ourselves so a lot of one on one time with the family is just what we need. Getting him back in tune with everything and having a goodtime doing it. The hardest thing about being right is you don't win a prize, you don't get your name in lights, I really don't want that, I just want my son to be taken care of. Being right ... I would give that up anyday for just knowing he's OK

Brandon is my son from a previous marriage so he goes to his dad's for the weekend with his sister every now and then. Not to often since my ex doesn't have the appropriate facilities to manage them nor the time. I don't push the issue as I worry ALOT while they are gone. Will Brandon get his meds??(I have had to call DHS a couple of time to force the issue) Will he properly supervise them.(He has left them with neighbors while he had something to do....Meanwhile one of them gets attacked by a dog and the older one gets bit trying to defend Brandon. I found out when bathing her that night and found huge bruises from the dog bites.) Are they getting fed?? Is Brandon getting enough attention or will he act out when he gets home because of the inattention all weekend from his dad? If they are at the grandparents I don't worry as much but they don't agree with my methods, they think I am just medicating him and should be using dietary means...Whatever. I am trying to make sure that Brandon is able to function as normally as possible and not treated as a freak because he can't eat fruit rollups like all the other kids, he can only eat tofu.. Like I said whatever. If it makes Brandon feel normal and he is able to function in this world just like everyone else I am for it. So like I said while he is at the ex's I am having a day off but I worry, I pray, and I put it in God's hand and keep tabs.

Brandon also has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that really hampers him. He has totally bitten off one ďŹ ngernail, which really grosses me out and he says it hurts. I guess it does but he can't stop. He is on medication for this, I think we need to go back to the doctor. I don't pick up on half the stuff I am sure he is ruled by. The stuff that he is ruled by makes it hard for him to function. We try to help in any way we can to work through what is going on but it is frustrating sometimes. I hope we can get him back in line before school starts. The worst thing about Brandon's OCD is that he gets so mad when we do not let him go through with whatever he is needing to do or go. As a Mom you wish you could take some of the anxiety away and help him conquer this but I guess this is one that we can help with medication but like autism he will have to deal with for the rest of his life... I guess that's what Mom's are for just to help to try to make it better. Try being the operative word here.

wh y I oug h t a

fin

b i a n c a

b o r g h i