THE VIEW FROM HERE

BEGINNING AGAIN

BY EMILY MORRISON z

IN MAINE, people generally like the fall. Sure, it’s not a summer swim in the lake or a springtime walk in the woods, but fall has a certain kind of allure to it around here. The air is crisp, the cider is flowing and anything is possible. Optimism hangs in the atmosphere like an autumn rainbow and life begins again.

Recently, I was driving to my daughter’s 18th birthday party with my son as my co-pilot and we were rocking out to Taylor Swift’s “Begin Again.”

That’s when it came to me.

For the better half of the last decade, I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out a tasteful, inspirational tattoo I would never regret because I’m all about manifesting what I believe in on the inside outside.

Confused? Here’s what I mean. If I talk about something often enough, then I’ll be more inspired to make it happen. If I think or dream about running faster all the time, then I’ll be more committed to making myself run faster.

“Manifesting your intentions” sounds a lot hokier than it actually is. It’s just a fancy way of saying, “Put your thoughts into words and then follow through with your actions.”

Anyway, Swift’s words lit up my brain like a fourth of July firecracker and I told Jack, “I got it! That’s it! That. Is. It!”

He gave me a look only a 13-year-old boy can give his random, quirky mom and held back his laughter until after I shared my epiphany, God bless him. “I need to get ‘Begin Again’ tattooed somewhere on my person because that’s the hardest thing to do in life isn’t it? Beginning again. This can be my new mantra!”

He laughed so hard he cried and we continued our Taylor Swift serenade with mostly tattoo free talk after that. It was a sweet moment for me, if not for my dashboard drummer.

The thing is, this year my oldest is beginning her first year of college and my two youngest are going back to school for the first time since the pandemic began. We’re all starting something new, and it’s got me thinking. There’s something so unbelievably freeing yet scary about beginning again. We have a chance to create a new life, a new routine, a new set of friends and people that we interact with, but we also have a chance to mess up, to not do so hot at this peopling, schooling, starting over thing.

What if it doesn’t go so well?

Honestly, I can get so trapped in anxiety and overwhelmed that sometimes I let those things stop me from starting, but do you know what’s so amazing about taking that first step? Once I do, even if it goes horribly wrong, I have a sense of pride in myself. At least I’m doing it. At least I’m trying.

It’s only up from here, right?

Looking back at my life, the most rewarding experiences have come from the hardest beginnings. Becoming a teacher, wife, mama, writer, marathoner and grad instructor, all of these roles initially filled me with fear, but they also filled me with a sense of wonder and purpose. I think that’s why they’ve been so fulfilling. I’ve learned how to adapt, how to stretch myself in new ways, all while trying to improve and be the best me I can be.

I don’t always do it all well, but hey, at least I’m doing it. And my kids, they may not be able to balance everything they’ve got going on either, but they’re giving it the ol’ college try, and that means the world to me.

So, if you’re feeling like I’m feeling this fall and you’re a little overwhelmed by all this starting over business, know you’re in good company. And listen, if you want to steal my tattoo idea and get the words “Begin Again” inked on your solar plexus, have at it. You’ll be in good company. I might add a little flower or butterfly to mine to jazz it up a bit because you know what? You’re never too old to try something new. Happy beginning again!

b e gi n ag ain