Medical Whack-A-Mole

Recently I learned that one of my band mates had died, apparently quite suddenly.

Retirement Sparks

by ELAINE M. DECKER

None of us knew he was seriously ill. It occurred to me that with all the health issues I’ve been dealing with over the past few years, my demise would hardly come as a surprise. More likely friends would wonder: “Which ailment was it that finally got her?”

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I’ve been playing Medical Whack-A-Mole. When I finally get one illness under control, another one pops up to take its place. Many times, it was the treatment for the first that caused the next one. Let’s start with my lung cancer, which was diagnosed about two and a half years ago. I entered a clinical trial through Yale, in which I received regular infusions of three drugs: two chemo therapy and an immunotherapy, plus study pills that might have been a placebo.

The program was to last two years, but one year into it, I developed pneumonitis, a severe inflammation of the lung. My oncologist and my pulmonologist agreed that the likely cause was one of the drugs I was getting. There was no simple way to know which one. Pulling any of them would take me out of the study in any case, so we stopped my cancer therapy completely.

Mercifully, it appeared that the year of treatment had halted the cancer before the pneumonitis popped up like a mole. We whacked that sucker back down with a heavy course of Prednisone. For those of you not familiar with it, Prednisone is a steroid. I was on it for weeks, but it cleared up most of the lung inflammation. It’s a go-to treatment for many ailments. I’ve concluded that it’s one of three things every household needs on hand, along with duct tape and WD-40.

But true to my Whack-A-Mole analogy, the Prednisone gave me a major face rash and I blew up like the Pillsbury Doughboy. I also developed edema in my feet and lower legs. An ultrasound made sure the fluid retention wasn’t due to vein leakage and that I had no blood clots. The edema was just another mole that popped up when we used the steroids to whack something else.

An online search led me to taking high supplements of magnesium to reduce water retention. Sadly that whack led to a pop up mole of severe diarrhea. Needless to say, I decided to live with the fluid build up. Fortunately, shortly after the course of steroids was completed, that problem disappeared. Unfortunately, it did not mean I was headed for clear sailing with my health. Even with the pneumonitis under control, I was increasingly short of breath. Tests performed by my pulmonologist turned up two new “moles” to whack. Turns out I have a paralyzed right diaphragm muscle, usually caused by an injury. In my case, there’s no clue why and it might never be normal again. A few weeks of physical therapy could help. More on that later.

The other “mole” was pleural effusion, a build up of fluid around the lung. That was drained via a thoracentesis procedure. My breathing improved immediately. Nevertheless, my pulmonologist prescribed a steroidal inhaler to keep my airways clear. The mole from that turned out to be a side effect of some hoarseness, but I can live with that. Back to the pulmonary rehab, which I had two afternoons a week.

The rehab included education and light stretching, leg and arm exercises, followed by time on a treadmill. At each session, the treadmill speed and time were increased, but never to anything too stressful. The morning after what would be my last session, I woke up with horrific neck and back pain. Plus I also had a partly paralyzed right hand. I assumed I had slept crooked and pinched a nerve, or something like that.

When the pain persisted for days, I made several appointments with specialists. The last was with a neurologist, who has ordered several tests. He also prescribed Gabapentin to address the nerve pain. It has serious mole-like side effects. You can get tired and dizzy, so I take it only late at night.

I feel like I’m in a fairy tale. If I stopped dying my hair, I’d be Snow White, but I’m already most of the Seven Dwarfs. Allergy season has me Sneezy. Though I’m certainly never Bashful, much of today’s news leaves me feeling Dopey. I ask so many questions of my physicians that I might as well be a Doc. Gabapentin leaves me Snoozy and Dizzy. Despite spending most of my time playing Medical Whack-A-Mole, I’m rarely Grumpy and I’m usually Happy. I won’t ask for more than that.

Copyright 2023 Business Theatre Unlimited

Elaine M. Decker’s books include Retirement Downsizing—A Humorous Guide, Retirement Sparks, Retirement Sparks Again, Retirement Sparks Redux and CANCER: A Coping Guide. Her essays appear in the anthologies: 80 Things To Do When You Turn 80 and 70 Things To Do When You Turn 70. All are available on Amazon.com. Contact her at: emdecker@ix.netcom.com