Don’t be left hanging on Left Handers Day

By Nancy J. Schaaf, RN

Whatdo Tom Cruise, Julius Caesar, Barack Obama, Leonardo da Vinci and Jack the Ripper have in common? They are all “southpaws,” a term used to describe left-handed people, especially baseball players.

While neither Mark Twain or Albert Einstein are known for playing baseball, they join all-star slugger Babe Ruth as some of history’s most notable “lefties.”

Dean R. Campbell, the founder of Lefthanders International, Inc., first celebrated Left Handers Day in 1976 to honor the achievements of lefties everywhere and raise awareness of the everyday issues they face.

That’s because the world is made for the right-handed. Why? Because only 9.2% of the world’s population— approximately 708 million people—are left-handed.

Many years ago, people thought that being left-handed was a curse. Many lefties were forced, against their natural inclination, to write with their right hand. They’ve been discriminated against and looked at with suspicion, as evidenced in the language used to describe lefties. The etymology of the word “sinister” traces back to the Latin word for “left,” and “right” in English means “correct.”

Many of us right-handers take simple things for granted, such as buttoning a shirt, wearing an oven mitt, ironing or using a computer mouse. Companies and manufacturers often disregard this minority group by making items that are designed for use by right-handed people, from school desks to a pair of scissors.

The factors that determine a person’s dominant hand remain a mystery. Some theorize that certain genetic factors predispose a child to favor the right hand, although a direct genetic link has not been proven, as two right-handed parents can have a left-handed child.

Based on recent studies, researchers think it’s more likely that lots of different genes combine to produce a left-handed person. In 2019, scientists in the Netherlands conducted the most extensive study on the genetics of left-handedness and found that a small number of genes played a role in leftie development.

Additionally, more boys than girls are left-handed, which leads some researchers to believe that testosterone may have some influence.

While the reasons for left-handedness remain largely a mystery, neuroscientists continue research to understand this fascinating phenomenon.

It’s believed that left handers tend to be more successful at sports than right handers. Think Barry Bonds, Phil Mickelson, Deion Sanders, Martina Navratilova, Bill Russell, Marvin Hagler and Wayne Gretzky. It’s known as the southpaw advantage.

This is especially true for interactive ball sports and combat sports, where a leftie’s actions are more surprising to their opponents.

So if you’re left-handed, grab your left-handed cup and make a toast to all left-handers everywhere on August 13.

And if you have a friend or family member who’s a leftie, you can find appropriate gifts designed especially for them at Lefty’s, the Left Hand Store: LeftysLeftHanded.com. ■

A Day At The Farm

Submitted by Anonymous

A boy about 9 opens the door. “Is your dad or mom home?” asks the farmer.

“No, they went to town.”

“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”

“No, he went with Mom and Dad.”

The farmer stands there for a few minutes, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself.

The boy finally says, “I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one. If that’s not why you’re here, I can give Mom or Dad a message.”

“Well,” The farmer says looking extremely uncomfortable. “I need to talk to your Dad about your brother, Howard, getting my daughter, Suzy, pregnant.”

The boy tilts his head to the side and thinks about that for a moment.

“You will have to talk to my dad about that,” the boy responds. “I know he charges $50 for our bulls to service other folks’ cows and he charges $15 for our boars to service other folks’ sows. I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.”

Decorating With Dogs

Submitted by Camille Jimenez Decorating when you have dogs can provide unique opportunities to express your own personal style and taste. Here are some ideas:

Bare floors, without carpet or throw rugs, can give a nice open feeling to a room. It can provide a soothing balance when you have many art objects that reflect your love of animals.

Paw prints and nose smudges on glass doors and windows break up glare and soften the light in a room.

Dog crates, when stacked three high, can add height to a room and pull the eye up. If fastened securely to the wall, the top can provide a safe and dramatic place for exotic plants or statuary that otherwise might be molested by your pets. A light can make it a real focal point. Cats love to inhabit the upper crates, leaving the lower ones for the dogs.

Old towels and blankets thrown casually on upholstered furniture can add a wonderful homey, country quilt look to an otherwise bland room.

Common smooth upholstery fabrics can look almost velvety when lightly textured with dog hair.

Vari-kennels, placed end to end and topped with plate glass, can create an unusual coffee table one of your friends will remember.

Doggie beds, randomly placed around a room, can add color and texture, much as throw pillows do.

Shredded or chewed books and magazines send a message to guests that they are free to relax and feel at home.

Dog crates can make versatile end tables, and can be slip-covered to match any room decor.

There is absolutely nothing that makes a guest feel as welcome as three friendly dogs hopping in his lap as soon as he sits down.

Ugly Baby

Submitted by Della Leonard

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says, “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

THE ECONOMY IS BAD WHEN...

Submitted by Gilbert Henry CEOs are now playing miniature golf.

You get a pre-declined credit card

Hot Wheels and Match Box car companies are now trading higher than GM and Ford on the stock market.

The president meets with small businesses like GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup and GM to discuss bailouts.

McDonalds is now selling the 1/4 ouncer.

People in Beverly Hills have fired their nannies and are now learning their children’s names.

The most highly paid job is now jury duty.

People in Africa are donating money to Americans.

Motel 6 won’t leave the lights on. If the bank returns your check marked as “insufficient funds,” you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.

The Pig Farmer

Submitted by Anna Ramos

A farmer had five female pigs and was determined to take them to the county fair and sell.

While at the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived 50 miles away from one another and so they agreed to drive 30 miles and find a field in which to mate their pigs.

The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 a.m., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle they had, and drove the 30 miles.

While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, “How will I know if they are pregnant?”

The other farmer replied, “If they’re in the grass grazing in the morning, then they’re pregnant. If they’re in the mud, then they’re not.”

The next morning they were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them again into the family station wagon and proceeded to try again.

The following morning, mud again!

This continued all week until one morning the farmer was so tired that he couldn’t get out of bed. He called to his wife, “Honey, please look outside and tell me if the pigs are in the mud or in the field.”

“Neither,” yelled his wife, “they’re in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn!”

One Liners

Submitted by Janie Stewart

Why did the taxi driver get fired? Passengers didn’t like it when she went the extra mile.

Want to hear a roof joke? The first one’s on the house.

What do you call a religious person who sleepwalks? A roamin’ Catholic.

Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends.

Which rock group has four guys who can’t sing or play instruments? Mount Rushmore.

I couldn’t believe that the highway department called my dad a thief. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.

Why aren’t koalas actual bears? The don’t meet the koalafications.

What does a storm cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear. What’s the best way to plan a party in space? You planet.

What’s a zebra? A few sizes bigger than an A.

I don’t like shopping centers. Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall. ■

Retire right with a Humana Medicare Advantage plan that fits your life

Your local, licensed Humana sales agent can help you explore your options and see if you’re eligible to enroll in one of Humana’s affordable Medicare Advantage plans upon retirement. Get the benefits you want and need so you can focus on making your retirement what you want it to be—enjoying the things you love.

From helping you find a doctor to assisting with unexpected barriers, Humana goes above and beyond to help you get the healthcare you need. That’s called human care.

Humana is a Medicare Advantage HMO, PPO and PFFS organization with a Medicare contract. Enrollment in any Humana plan depends on contract renewal. At Humana, it is important you are treated fairly. Humana Inc. and its subsidiaries comply with applicable Federal Civil Rights laws and do not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, age, disability, sex, sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, ancestry, marital status or religion. English: ATTENTION: If you do not speak English, language assistance services, free of charge, are available to you. Call 1-877-320-1235 (TTY: 711). Español (Spanish): ATENCIÓN: Si habla español, tiene a su disposición servicios gratuitos de asistencia lingüística. Llame al 1-877-320-1235 (TTY: 711). 繁體中文 (Chinese): 注意：如果您使用繁體中文

。請致電 1-877-320-1235 (TTY :711) 。

Y0040_GHHJWWVEN22_AD_M