Mom never used to swear Understanding her bad behavior

Dear Laird: I have been my mother’s caregiver for about five years. She has Alzheimer’s. It hasn’t been particularly difficult until recently. A couple of months ago my mother’s personality changed—I mean really changed. She was always a sweet lady with never a harsh word for anyone. But now, she has become a regular potty mouth. She curses at me and at my sister when she comes over. Anyone who comes to the house gets a flood of bad words. The other day, she used the F word in a restaurant. I am totally baffled and upset. Signed, Cynthia

Dear Cynthia: It is really upsetting when a loved one behaves way out of character. Besides the shock of unacceptable behavior, the change is so radical that we can’t believe it.

You might have thought your mom would always be herself in spite of the disease. But now it seems she is not. That can trigger anger, embarrassment, loss and feelings of grief.

Our brains have several specialized parts. Each involves a unique function. Dementia attacks each part in a different order and in separate ways. The right and left sides work together on language. The right side manages automatic speech, like for emergencies and strong emotions––“Look out!” and “Damn!” The left side of the brain controls formal language. It sets up a filter for situations where automatic words may offend, and it even substitutes softer words when needed.

Here’s why understanding how the brain handles language is important: Dementia degrades and destroys the left side of the brain first. When the filters are gone, inappropriate words come out. You cannot change her. However, you can respond in ways that are helpful to you both.

First, accept that it is the dis-

Caregiver Support

BY LAIRD LANDON, PhD