Before 19, Volume 3, 2014
Nine Years Later
Nine Years Later By Sang Bae Hyun Jin Hong was the type of girl who knew what she wanted. At the age of four she knew she wanted to go to Cornell. She was the type of OCD perfectionist who used to smack my head for touching anything in her house or holding my chopsticks the wrong way. She used to scream bloody murder at me when I fed her goldfish a few hours early. I was scared shitless of her. But my mom was best friends with her mom, so we knew each other for a very long time. Thinking back to all those years, I realize that Hyun Jin was my first friend. Even though I was this awkwardly shy boy who never spoke to anyone, she at least made the effort, in her own special way, to get along with me. I like to think that every head smack or nagging remark was a sign of her caring for me as a friend, as no one else in my apartment wanted to be friends with me. I eventually swallowed my fear and warmed up to Hyun Jin's company. We used to spend a lot of time together in the car, driving to places all over the Korean countryside. My mom used to tell me years later that I would always bring some crayons and a notebook while Hyun Jin brought a book to read. She would always get bored with the book and watch me draw, crinkling her nose at the way the crayons sometimes melted onto the upholstery. She would eventually demand that I draw things in my notebook, either jabbing a finger at something outside or using her hands to describe an animal. I think that was the first time I ever saw her smile in the millions of pictures my mom took of us. Even after leafing through every photo years later, I couldn't remember much. I vaguely remembered going to Lotte World with her multiple times. From what I could gather, she would drag me to every ride involving suspension cords and roller coasters, have her merry way, and I would be covered in snot and tears by the time the day was over. Every once in a while, I dragged her to take the World Monorail. We always watched the view of Seokchon Lake as the train snaked along the island. Our families took the time to visit the lake during the lake's Cherry Blossom Festival every year. Hyun Jin and I used to race across the crowds as pink blossoms gently drifted towards the ground. These memories never lasted very long. At the age of five, I moved to New Jersey to chase the American Dream. My mom was still friends with her
mom, but Hyun Jin and I grew apart over the years. I didn't saw her again for a long time. **** During the sticky month of July, nine years later, my mother sent me back to Korea to live with my grandparents. I used to enjoy those mornings either glued to the television screen, helping around the house or watering the hundreds of plants in the apartment, as I had nothing better to do at the time. Every once in a while, I would go grocery shopping with my grandma or play Go with my grandpa. July passed by and summer vacation officially ended in Korea. Only three days before August, my mom wanted me to go to school for a few days for some reason. So Grandpa took me to the train station, where I met Mrs. Hong for the first time in years. She looked the same as in the pictures, with her petite face without a single blemish and her hair curled up complete with the same wireframe glasses. “Oh my god, look how big you’ve gotten! I was so excited that I just had to take a train to come and pick you up! C’mon and grab your bags. My daughter is so excited to meet you!” I felt some twist in my stomach at the mention of her. Even to this day, my heart races whenever I meet someone after a long time passes by. It's one thing to meet your grandmother or Mrs. Hong after a long time--adults hardly change. But nine years felt like an eternity for me, and who knew what an eternity could do to a five-year-old girl? Was she going to remember me after all these years? What did she look like? Did she already hate me for moving away? Was I supposed to bring flowers? Were my clothes metro-sexually Korean enough for her tastes? Should I just act like myself? What was I supposed to start the conversation with? Should I pretend to flirt with her just to break the tension? Should I kiss her to have her slap me? Why did I think about kissing her? This conflict was mostly internal, and I didn't dwell on these questions for too long. Still, I saw Mrs. Hong give me an odd look as the train rumbled into Seoul Station. We took a very short bus ride to their apartment complex and ascended to the fifteenth floor. I honestly don't remember where. It was 3:00. Hyun Jin wasn't supposed to come home for another hour. I sat on the couch in the living room awkwardly staring at the Matryoshka dolls on the top of a wooden porcelain cabinet. Mrs. Hong took me to the guest room shortly after an
Before 19, Volume 3, 2014 especially long staring contest with the dolls. "Iris is so excited about meeting you. She's been talking about you all week." "Iris? Is that Hyun Jin's new name?" "Oh that was your mother’s American name when we were kids. You should think of changing your name too. It'll be such an advantage when you apply for colleges." Mrs. Hong offered me a tour of Hyun Jin's room right across from mine, but I declined--it was hard enough for me to step inside a girl's house, let alone inside her own room. I unpacked my bags before flopping on top of the futon. There was a window looking down at the cityscape, but soon I got bored. Despite my better judgment, I got up to explore the house, beginning with the room right across from mine. It was very...neat. Bare walls with crisp yellow wallpaper were neatly matched with a neat desk and a neat stack of supplies neatly organized into neat separate categories. The only thing slightly ruffled was the bed, which didn't look like it had been used in a while. The hardwood floor matched well with the white ceiling, and I couldn't help but wish my room was this clean sometimes. I noticed something thin and pink dangling underneath the bed. I reached down to pick it up, failing to hear the apartment bell ring and footsteps thumping towards this room. I immediately blushed to see that this dangling string was actually a sports bra. Just when I was about to drop it, I saw Iris staring at me at the foot of the door. **** She was a few inches taller than me, with delicate eyelashes and a gently curving nose. Her black hair, highlighted with brown streaks, fell down her slender shoulders, which were draped by a navy blue blazer. Her skirt fit nicely along her body. I only noticed this a little bit later, though. At the moment, I was caught in a woman's room with a pink bra. "What are you doing in my room?" "W-wait! This isn't w-what it looks like! I can explain." "I don't want to hear it." There was a long silence after that. We had spent nine years apart, gone from each other's lives, and a piece of elastic cloth completely ruined the moment. Not that I would have made it any less awkward. "So, uhh, how you been?" I asked, dropping the bra on the ground. "Did you miss me?"
Nine Years Later "Not particularly." "Your mom made it seem like you were excited to see me." "She exaggerates everything." More silence. She walked towards me to hug me. "Of course I missed you...But can you please get out of my room?” **** It was already nighttime by the time I unpacked all my things. The city felt like a chain of glow sticks, lighting everything with neon signs and streetlamps. Instead of dinner at the house, the family invited me over to a restaurant a few blocks away. After an hour of small talk over steamed crab and noodles, Mr. and Mrs. Hong went home for the night. Iris and I walked over to a local coffee chain. We'd been chatting for a few hours by that point. "So do you do anything for fun?" "Well...I always wanted to be a topologist specializing in architecture." "Topologist?" "You know, the study of shapes using math?" "...No seriously, what do you do for fun around here?" "That's...what I do for fun." Her eyes sagged and her voice softened as she said this. "You're telling me that you're more interested in reading math textbooks than hanging out with friends?" Iris paused for a brief moment to watch cars speed by the street. I remember her hands wrapped tightly along each other as she began to speak. "I'm good at math. I can memorize formulas and derive them faster than anyone in my school. I've even entered national competitions and won a few of them." She looked down for a moment before looking at me. "My family wants a better future for me. I've always thought I enjoyed math, but I really don't. But it's not important whether I enjoy math or not. There's only so many spots for scholarships at the top universities, and I need to be the best at something to earn that chance. My parents think I have that potential…." She laughed harshly before continuing. "I was so good at doing those math problems that I was sent to a private school an hour away under a full scholarship. I go to a cram school for seven hours after school and I come home at twelve midnight. All my old friends are in cram schools every day. I'm too busy to make new ones, and I need to study for five AP classes every single moment of my life.... Do you honestly think that I have 'fun'?"
Before 19, Volume 3, 2014 I didn't know how to respond. I really didn't. I immediately felt guilty for even asking that question, watching her tired face come close to tears. "Look...Hyun Jin--if you don't mind me calling you that. I absolutely suck at being Korean. I don't go to cram schools for seven hours or get 2400 on my SATs. I skipped assignments, failed tests, got yelled at by teachers, blew off essays, and never went past Algebra 2. I hate reading math textbooks." I stopped to look up at Hyun Jin's face, which seemed to tilt in some sort of expression. I continued. "Remember when we were kids, when you always wanted me to draw something?" "N-not really...but I do recall my mom showing me your art. You're really good at it." "Sure, I have something I'm 'good' at...kind of. But I continue to improve as an artist because I actually enjoy doing that. I like seeing the expression on a person's face when I show them something I created with my own two hands. I can't weave a ball of yarn or hammer in a bunch of metal, but I can at least brighten up someone's day with these two clumsy lumps of flesh." I was at least glad to see her smile at that last sentence. "All I want to say is that I work hard at something that I truly believe in. I want to continue what I enjoy doing, and my parents aren't going to tell otherwise." I saw Hyun Jin's smile grow just a little bit. "I don't know my own future and you don't either. You're missing the best times of your youth, missing out on just having fun for once. I can't tell you how to shape your future. But we have three days left before I have to strap on a uniform and go down to school with you‌.Want to catch a late night movie?" Hyun Jin started to laugh, cracking up with a few tears emerging."Y-you remind me of one of those guys in a drama. Except a lot less handsome and just as sweet. It's really surreal." "Do you really think that? You sure know how to hurt a guy...you still up for it?" "Sure! Why not? Hey, let me show you a few places around the city tomorrow! I'll cancel plans." And that's how we became friends nine years later.
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Nine Years Later