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Table of Contents
15 8
22
26
27
on the COVER
18 Core Strength 24 Sensual Fitness 69 Body Image 71 Love Addiction 73 Relationship Rescue
ME 30 Vision in the Mirror 32 Body Image 34 Fearless Living 36 Be Your Beauty
NEW PARADIGM
30
73
55 Blocked? 58 Your Inner Hero 60 Unable to Please 62 Imperfection
9
The mission is to change the lives of every person open to discovering their soul’s purpose and living a life they didn’t know was possible for them on an individual level. At BellaMia, we believe every woman is beautiful. EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Mia Saenz Art Director Susan Jacobi EDITOR Suzanne Potts ADVISORY CONSULT Laurence Yhuello ASSISTANT EDITOR Hunter Whitmore COVER DIRECTOR Gina Hussar LIFESTYLE DIRECTOR Sharon Otness GRAPHIC ARTIST Charlene McGuire GRAPHIC ARTIST Victoria Wynn FEATURED WRITERS Victoria Wynn, Andrea Allen, Patty Alfonso, Michelle Alva, Mia Saenz, Sharon Otness, Kami Lerner, Bonnie Gayle, Lehla Edridge, Claire Sierra, MA, LFT, Kellie Valenti, Amanda Rose Baker, Cori Rosenthal, Rosemary Bredeson, Rev. Lorraine Cohen, Rebecka Eggers, Tova Garr, Alexandria Johnatakis, Tina Ketchie Sterns, Jonathon Aslay, Mary E. Pritchard, Ph.D, HHC, Karen M. Anderson, Angela Gower-Johnson
This publication is published quarterly. For advertising, please contact BellaMia Magazine at bellamiamagazine@gmail.com BellaMia is a publication of BellaMia Inc. BellaMiaMagazine.com • BellaMiaMagazine@gmail.com 10
Editor-In-Chief Letter
Dear BellaMia Readers, elcome! I am thrilled to share this beautiful, living well, transformational magazine with you. You are reading and viewing our premiere issue. This has been a vision of love for all women around the world. We see you as beautiful, right now. The motto of this magazine is “Every woman is beautiful”, to take it a step further, you are already beautiful at this moment. BellaMia represent exactly its meaning “Beautiful Mine” subconsciously it will settle in, to support all reader to know their own beauty. I invite you to explore with us the journey you are taking in Life as we will provide you with articles and reading pieces about health, feminine potential and wellness, emotional wellness, relationships and in exploring anything else that BellaMia believes will aid you on your journey to self discovery, grace and living well. As Editor-in-Chief, Creator and Publisher of BellaMia, my vision is to love, nurture and embrace every woman, child and man who wants a more enlightened, evolved and enriched lifestyle. Feel free to write us with your ideas, questions and inquiries at BellaMiamagazine@gmail.com. This magazine currently supports women ages 20-105, although men are more than welcome too. With much love and freedom, I welcome you once more to BellaMia.
Mia Saenz Editor-In-Chief 13
Possibilities • Purpose • Passion • • •
Gain clarity about your Next Step Clear the blocks to Abundance, Love, Success Master new strategies for Happiness
Together we will develop the Roadmap for you to Live Your Richest Life
Rosemary Bredeson The Scientific Mystic Spiritual Teacher/Mentor/Medium www.TheScientificMystic.com Rosemary@TheScientificMystic.com
+1 410-991-6139
9 Ways I Love My Butt, Finally by Victoria Wynn
Why is our backside one of the most touchy topics for women today? We could go over a plethora of reasons: Photoshopped models we’ve been looking at since we were twelve, dolls with figures no woman could compare to, men swarming around the “skinny girls” or even porn. Today I’d like to focus on what we can do about this self worth epidemic. At ten years old, I became keenly aware as I looked at a photo of myself standing next to my friend, that I had quite a round little tummy. I decided at that moment that my body was ugly. That photo launched my search to look like someone else. The lie I told myself was “I am not enough.” By the time I was in my twenties I was Googling the measurements of models and working out till I matched them precisely. Now I exercise because I love myself, not because I’m trying to be someone else. I’m extremely passionate about sharing a few of the ways I’ve learned to love my butt… and my body as a whole:
1
Goals vs. Process
out. Shaming myself for indulging in a few bites of
If the goal is to love your butt, then what’s your
cheesecake or shaming myself for enjoying holidays.
process for getting there? A process is something
3
you’ll do on a regular basis to get you where you want to be. When I began using my “Couch to 5K” app last year, my goals were pretty basic: to be able to keep up with my kids when we played basketball. But I was very clear on my process: Follow the app precisely, which meant three workouts per week. The rest simply fell into place.
2
Buy clothes that flatter your derrière. It seems so obvious yet so many people won’t spend a few extra bucks on pants that fit properly
and yoga pants that are high quality. The high quality yoga pants hold all your stuff up so much better than the cheap alternatives. Try Athleta for workout clothes that lift the stuff we want lifted (and flatten the rest).
Eat the dang cheesecake!
Checkout Betabrand.com for, get this “Dress Yoga
Shame is the name of the failure game. I’ve
Pants.” Stylish and classy at work but with a comfortable
fallen off the wagon a few but the good news is,
and slimming fit. I’m in love!
I recently realized what the cause was. I was shaming myself for missing a day or even a week of working 15
The Body
4
Move it, jiggle it, get some blood flowing to it. Not only do we know that there are benefits to our mood from the endorphins flowing through
our bodies after exercise, but you’ll get tighter and leaner the more you move, jiggle and flow with it. Even a walk can be a mood changer, but for results like leaning out, it’s important to break a sweat at least three times a week.
5
Believe him when he says he loves your butt!
6
Eat crappy, feel crappy. Back in high school a really fun habit of going to the candy store and picking up five delicious
truffles. I had a crazy thought one day. I wonder if I stopped eating these if it would make a difference in my body. Could such a small change make a difference? I
couldn’t believe how many pounds I lost from that minor adjustment.
This week, pick out one item that you feel
Or that you’re sexy or beautiful or whatever that
might be sabotaging from feeling great. A trip to
wonderful partner in your life has to say about
Starbucks? Alcohol? Night time carb snacking? Simply
your body. As a life coach, I’ve gotten to know a lot of
cut it in half (if just reading this is already giving you
men and learn how they relate to the women they love.
angst). Again, moderation. Track how you feel (i.e.,
One said: “I don’t care how big or small it is. I
more energetic, fitting into your jeans better). Go for at
just want affection, but when she’s bigger I don’t get
least four weeks using this process. Feeling in control
it. And it hurts.” Men are pretty honest about their
boosts confidence.
opinions. And yes, sometimes we just want to smack them for that. But the great thing is, we know they’re honest! So when he says, “Oh babe, you look gorgeous!” We can rest assured, that it’s probably true.
16
Compliment others.
7
who you’re allowing into your inner circle. These are
One of the easiest ways to boost confidence in
tough questions, but they are also loving questions.
ourselves is place loving focus on others. When I
Each question leads to a deeper question, the core of
see a woman with a gorgeous body do I:
which is: “Am I worth it?” Once you realize you are,
A) Want to run the other way because I don’t want to be
you’ll cease talking and start acting.
seen next to her?
9
B) Look for her faults? C) Smile at her? D) Actually say something? I remember the days when I’d do “B”, and look for her faults. It was the only way I could make myself feel
Never look at another gal’s treadmill. If there’s a way to take yourself off the path of self-confidence, it’s to compare yourself to
someone else. On the other hand, competing against
better. And in all honesty, I still have the occasional
myself has proven to be a recipe for success. I chart
“down day” and I’ll catch that uninspiring split second
my progress with the goal of doing a little better each
thought before I come to my senses. My current “go-to”
week. No shaming. I’ve found that at the gym, glancing
reaction is to say something kind. “I love those pants or
over at someone else’s treadmill only takes me away
your hair is gorgeous!” When we acknowledge other’s
from being present with what I’m there to do.
beauty, we embrace our own.
8
This article has been in the making for the better part of 30 years. Rewiring decades of questioning your worth, beauty and value is going to take time. Mistakes
“Define Excuse.”
happen and if you can look at them as funny, they will
An excuse regarding self-motivation in the “Vic
lose their affect on you.
dictionary” is defined as anything that you use
Lastly, love your station in life, for it won’t be there
to hold yourself back from your best self, your goals or
for long. My father just passed away this month and
dreams. Common excuses I hear as I’m coaching are:
he was such an advocate for me. I recall being a pretty
“I don’t have time to exercise,” and “I have a partner
grumpy teen, especially in the morning. With my hair a
who doesn’t speaking kindly about my body.” I learned
mess, I’d walk down the stairs into the kitchen where
years ago that when the pain is great enough, we will
he’d be reading the paper and bust out into song “There
change our circumstances and no sooner. Now I use that
she is, Miss America…” in his operatic voice. That man
advice for myself in everything I do. If you have time to
thought I was beautiful no matter what. I think about it
YouTube, you have time for some squats, a slow jog with
now and it makes me chuckle, it makes me get chocked
the dog. I mean, the dog needs to go out anyway right?
up, but moreover, it reminds me that I am worth it.
Have a partner that’s not kind to you? Time to reassess
17
The Body
Core Strength: On and Beyond the Yoga Mat by Andrea Allen
Having a strong core is not only essential for tricky arm balances, but is fundamental for your overall health and well-being. Let’s start by understanding what our “outer core” is, exactly. People generally tend to think of the outer core as toned-abs, but a strong outer core actually includes the many different muscles that stabilize the spine, and pelvis, and run the entire length of the torso. When all your muscles are working together, your outer core can generate powerful movement and strength. The benefits of a strong outer core are numerous, including decreased injury, and back pain, improved athletic performance, and the correction of postural imbalances allowing you to move with ease and grace. And yes, it’s true, a strong outer core requires you to incorporate a daily routine of strengthening exercises, or postures. Here are four yoga postures that will help you create a powerful and strong outer core: 1. Plank Pose
the top arm toward the ceiling. Keep the head in a
Start in downward-facing dog, then move forward
neutral position, or look up at the top hand. Try it on
until the arms are perpendicular to the floor, and
the opposite side.
the shoulders directly over the wrists, and your body parallel to the floor. Press your front thighs up toward
3. Dolphin Plank Pose
the ceiling, but resist with your tailbone pressing
Come onto the floor on your hands and knees. Set your
toward the floor as you lengthen it toward the heels. Lift
knees directly below your hips and your forearms on
the base of the skull away from the back of the neck and
the floor with your shoulders directly above your wrists.
look straight down at the floor.
Firmly press your palms and your forearms into the floor. Then, walk your feet back until your shoulders
2. Side Plank Pose / Vasisthasana
are directly over the elbows and your torso is parallel to
Start in downward-facing dog. Shift onto the outside
the floor. Pack your shoulder blades against your back
edge of your left foot and stack your right foot on top
and spread them away from the spine. Press your front
of the left. Turn your torso to the right as you do, and
thighs toward the ceiling, but resist with your tailbone
support the weight of your body on the outer left foot
pressing toward the floor as you lengthen it toward the
and left hand. Align your entire body into one long
heels. Lift the base of your head from the back of the
diagonal line from the heels to the crown then stretch
neck and look straight down at the floor. 19
The Body 4. Boat Pose / Paripurna Navasana
The truth is, strengthening your “inner core” is
Sit on the floor with your legs straight in front of you.
even more essential to your health and well-being than
Press your hands on the floor a little behind your hips.
strengthening your outer core. So what do I mean by
Lift through the top of the sternum and lean back
inner core? I’m talking about that inner most part of
slightly. Try not to round your back. Sit on the “tripod”
you - the qualities, beliefs and characteristics that are
of your two sitting bones and tailbone. Bend your
at the very center of who you are. Just as you get on your
knees and lift your feet up. Reach your hands out in
mat every day to strengthen your outer core, your inner
front of you.
core needs strengthening on a daily basis as well.
Here are four exercises to create a strong and more powerful inner core • Define Your Inner Core Values
new people and putting yourself in uncomfortable
Think of 3, or 4 words that describe the qualities
situations, you’re exercising your inner core. Try
that are YOU – all aspects of who YOU are,
doing something completely out of your comfort
including the little child within, the professional
zone - challenge the strength of your core values
powerhouse, the nurturing mother, etc.... Think
and then make it a daily practice.
of the characteristics you most desire to be the qualities of who YOU are, (e.g. charitable, honest,
• Breakthrough the Resistance
fun, loving, courageous, etc…)
When critical voices, limiting stories, and outmoded habits show up, and try to stop you from working
• Bring Awareness to Your Inner Core
out one of these core values, show them whom is in
Now that you’ve defined the characteristics you’d
charge! Every time you break through self-imposed
like to possess, bring daily awareness to them by
limitations, your inner core gets stronger.
reading them out loud, or posting them on your bathroom mirror. Awareness will strengthen your desire to act in alignment with them.
With a strong “outer core”, and a strong “inner core”, you will be able to move through life with more strength, ease, and grace.
• Get Uncomfortable Staying comfortable is a great way to stay weak. If you are constantly trying new things, meeting
20
The Body
The Magic of Pole Dancing by Patty Alfonso
Have you ever walked naked in the
to pole dance. So much so that
rain and allowed it to caress every
when I was looking for belly
inch of your skin? Have you ever
dancing classes, she actually
eaten something that exploded in
led me to a pole dancing studio
your mouth and expanded every
instead! Smart body‌
cell in your body? Have you ever
I remember going to a strip
gotten dressed and felt so good
club in college. I was in awe of
that everyone you talked to that
the women who were working
day complimented you? And what
there - the way they sashayed
about dancing? Have you ever just
their bodies across the stage, the
allowed your body to move the way
way men lusted after them, the
it wants to move - not trying to do
beauty in their curves and the
anything, just being the dance? It
softness of their skin glistening
took me half of my life to be able to
in the lights. I wanted that. Of
say yes to these questions.
course, I couldn’t have that. What would everyone think? Fifteen
years
later
I
found myself in a candlelit dance studio with a group of women, sitting around a pole, music softly playing in the background. I claimed my desire I began my journey with pole
22
to re-connect to my feminine
dancing in 2011. I could tell you
essence.
I
explained
that
that when I first heard about pole
somewhere along my journey
dancing, I was shocked at the idea
I had shut down my very being
of stripping as a way of working
and that it was destroying my
out. That would be a total lie. My
life. That night changed my life
body practically leapt at the chance
forever and what I have gained
since has been beyond anything I
listened to her and chose to do
that was unwinding now and I
could have imagined.
the trick some other time. Pole
was finally alive. In this body. In
Over the several years I’ve
dancing was about tuning into my
this life. Creating and generating
been dancing, I have learned to
body and allowing her to choose
beyond anything I could have
listen to my body. Pole dancing
what she required in that moment.
imagined. None of this would have
gifted me with the chance to let
It was about honoring where she
been possible if I hadn’t included
go of my mind and surrender to
was that day and choosing for her,
my body in my journey towards
my body. Surrendering to the way
not against her.
consciousness.
she wants to move, the music she
And then there were the
wants to dance to, the moves she
women in my class… the beautiful,
wants to make.
courageous women who were on
This didn’t happen overnight.
this journey with me. We clapped, and
supported
each
• Where are you in your journey with your body? • Do you listen to what your body
There were many times when I
cheered
noticed my mind did not want
other. We celebrated everything.
to trust or honor the intelligence
Nothing was a failure. How can
• What would it take to have gratitude
of my body. My mind would say:
anything be a failure when you’re
for your body? Honor? Allowance?
“You want me to do what with just
honoring yourself?
Trust?
one hand? I’m not strong enough
Pole dancing wasn’t the only
to hold myself upside down!
thing that contributed to my
Okay, that’s crazy, I can’t do
transformation. In 2012, I began
that! You should not be touching
adding the tools I was learning
yourself like that!”
in Access Consciousness to my
There were certain tricks
dances. I was aware that there
that absolutely required knowing
were things locked into my body
my body would support me and
that were being released through
take care of me. There were so
my dancing. Over the years my
many times when I let go and she
body had picked up judgments
surprised me with total delight.
and shut herself down from the
There were other times when I
cruelties of this reality. All of
requires?
• What is embodiment in this reality?
23
The Body
Sensual Fitness by Michelle Alva
Many of us make time to exercise, eat healthy and
us to embrace parts of ourselves, that may have been
nourish our bodies, however, sometimes we don’t make
traumatized, or wounded in the past. Moving your
it a priority to connect to our sensual side. When you
body sensually will boost your libido, and bring out
connect to your sensual side, you get to experience
your playful side. You will also feel more accepting,
pleasure, and enjoyment through your body.
and loving toward yourself because your body will
Being present to the different sensations in
become a source of pleasure, and lightness, rather
your body, and nurturing that side of yourself can
than a source of repressed emotions, contractedness,
bring about a deep sense of self-acceptance. You
tension, and pain.
can incorporate certain sensual practices into your
Belly dance, is an ideal way to nurture yourself, and
everyday exercise activities. For example, notice the
a form of sensual movement that is also great exercise.
temperature wherever you are – in the gym, the yoga
It is the most ancient dance form, and dates back
studio, or outside – notice the feeling of the air as it
thousands of years. It is a hypnotic, and rhythmical
caresses your body, or the rhythmic pulse of running, or
dance, that celebrates the Divine Feminine essence,
biking. You will feel more fully alive, and present in the
that moves through our pelvis, hips, hearts, and chest.
moment. When you move your pelvis and hips in gentle
Some of us sit for at least 3-6 hours per day, and we
rhythmical patterns while you exercise, you connect to
become stiff, and tight in our low back, thighs, hips
your sexual organs in a nurturing way. This secretes
and pelvis. Belly dance, moves our joints, our spine,
the hormone of love, pleasure, calm, and connection.
low back, and hips while also rinsing away stress, and
Exercise that nourishes your sensual side, while also
tension. Women who belly dance receive these gifts,
toning, and strengthening your core, and hips ignites
while also developing a heightened awareness of the
creativity, passion, and joy.
core of who they are, physically, emotionally, and
Sometimes we repress tension, both physical, and
spiritually.
emotional, in our hip, and pelvic region. Some of us may
Try these three simple moves in the morning
have been touched inappropriately at some point in our
with an attitude of gratefulness, for who you are, and
lives which causes us to feel shame or guilt which may
notice how much more at ease, toned, connected, and
manifest as tension in our hips, and pelvis. Therefore
vivacious you become!
moving sensually, in ways that are pleasurable, allows 24
1
Hip Slides Stand with your feet hip-width apart. Take a deep breath in as you slide your hips to the farthest right. Exhale gently, and move your hips to the farthest left. Continue to breathe,
and move, while feeling the lengthening in your hips, and waist. Notice how these movements make your body-mind feel.
2
Hip Circles Stand with your feet hip-width apart. Inhale, and bring your hips/pelvis forward, keeping your spine in a neutral posture. Rotate your
hips in a clock-wise motion in the transverse plane. Move your hips circularly, and slowly, feeling every micrometer of movement. Notice how the circular patterns of your hips, and pelvis make you feel.
3
Abdominal Activation tand with your feet hip-width apart. Relax your arms, and shoulders. Expand your belly, chest, and ribs as you inhale. Notice how expansion,
and elongation feels. Exhale, and draw your navel inwards towards your spine. Gather the abdominal corset inwards. Notice how it feels to tone your center. As you move your belly inwards on the out breath, and outwards on the in breath, feel the rhythmicity, and calm, of creating these movements. Do these exercises slowly, and rhythmically to accentuate the sensual nature of these movements. Feel grateful for your body, feel grateful for all the different functions your body accomplishes daily, in your favor. Feel grateful, for the fact that you are a feeling, sentient human being. You taste, feel, touch, smell, and hear. What a blessing it is, to perceive, in so many ways! Enjoy the sweetness of being you, alive, and thriving in your
sense of pleasure, awe, and celebration BEING who you
sacred, and beautiful body temple. Feel excited! Feel a
are, just as you are, right now! 25
At BellaMia Magazine, We Love Our Men.
“Women are magical. Everything about them stimulates me and all men. There is so much talk about being different, we are, but also we are not.” Adrian Boniardi Author, Spiritual Practitioner, Diver
If you’d like to be a BellaMan please send inquires to BellaMiaMagazine@gmail.com. 26
Beauty
Skin Polish This super easy scrub with only two ingredients will make your skin glow and feel soft and polished. 1 T. organic baking soda Fresh organic lemon Put baking soda in a small dish and add a squeeze of lemon (appx. ½ tsp ). Stir into a paste. Apply paste with fingertips in a circular motion to clean skin, avoiding the eye area. Polish about 30-60 seconds. Rinse well and enjoy your beautiful skin. I like to use any extra on the backs of my hands and my dÊcolletage as well. 27
Alluring
How it Makes Me Feel by Kami Lerner
L
ife is a precious gift
piece WITH oversized earrings. It
Orange). Jewelry with color stones
that should be lived
should be one or the other. Other
can make a dull outfit vibrant. What
and shared with others
days, I might feel a little edgier and
I’ve definitely noticed is whatever
and used to inspire
want to layer three or four necklaces,
I choose to wear, even mixing my
people all over the
along with a handful of my rings and
silver and gold jewelry together,
world. Being a Jewelry Designer
my biker boots with a great pair of
if I’m wearing it with confidence,
and an artist, I have come to realize
jeans and a tank top…it’s all in how
no one questions my decision.
that a woman’s confidence and
you want to feel in that moment.
Think Lenny Kravitz. He wears the
individuality are her best features.
But, whatever it is, make sure you
craziest outfits and over-the-top
That, along with laughter and a
follow your own truth. Don’t try and
jewelry, but because he wears it
great piece of jewelry can make you
be something you’re not, because
with such confidence, no one even
feel unstoppable. In this day and
that just leads to confusion for all
thinks twice. And if you know a
age where everyone seems to be
parties involved and I guarantee
thing or two about stones, they hold
judging each other by their social
you won’t feel comfortable nor have
an amazing amount of strength.
media pictures, it’s important to
the confidence to pull it off if you’re
Depending on the stone, you may
wear the right jewelry and clothes
constantly wondering if you look
feel centered, lucky or even in love.
to reflect your inner beauty. Let’s
okay. Trust me, I’ve been there.
Gemstones are powerful and they
face it, When we feel like we look
When it comes to jewelry, as
have the ability to heal. Sometimes
good on the outside, we tend to walk
well as fashion, do what feels good.
the stone picks YOU and other times
with a little more strut in our step.
Wear what will soothe your mind,
you pick the stone. Both ways have
Rather than following trends, I try
body and soul ,only then , will your
the capacity to change your entire
to design and wear what makes me
outer beauty coincide with your
day, as well as your life.
feel good. If that means wearing a
inner beauty. Personally, I prefer
Now, if we’re talking Diamonds
statement piece or dangle earrings
colors, but there are definitely days
and real gold here, just because
and an oversized cocktail ring
when I’ll throw on a black top, black
you’re
and stiletto heels, then I will wear
jeans and simple gold jewelry. But,
amassed a haul of sparkling baubles,
that with confidence and I will
the days that color is screaming my
a fantastic gala invitation, and the
OWN my attitude. I don’t however
name, I find myself most drawn
desire to drip with diamonds from
recommend wearing a statement
to Turquoise or Carnelian (Deep
all available limbs and lobes does
28
lucky
enough
to
have
not, by any means, mean that you
and you walk in decked out in what
is my best advice. I would rather
should. Less is definitely more
looks to be extravagant taste in
see someone wearing a really cool
in my opinion, especially when it
jewelry, more than likely, you will
jacket and killer boots from a thrift
comes to the real thing. They say
scare him away. Keep it simple.
shop, while exuding confidence
‘Diamonds are a girl’s best friend’,
Keep it classy.
from head to toe then to see a name
I personally prefer gemstones to
Whatever it is you choose to
brand walking down the street with
Diamonds, but that’s the fabulous
accessorize yourself with, whether
no MOJO. Your inner peace is all
part about being an individual and
jewelry, handbags, scarves, hats,
in your own mind. It comes from
owning your own truth. I do know
clothing…make
within and if done properly…can
that if you’re on a date with a guy
keeping it real. From the inside out
sure
you
are
light the world on FIRE. 29
ME
The Vision in the Mirror by Mia Saenz
h
ave you ever noticed how you respond
Understanding who we are as humans with a soul,
to yourself in the mirror? Is your image
is a journey all unto it’s own. Everyone brave enough
pleasing or do you do what has to be done
to do self discovery work knows the power of this.
and move along quickly? This is a very
When we get to know our body inch by inch we also are
important aspect of who we are as humans.
removing build up programming or thought processes
To understand the human body and feel comfortable
that have kept us numb as well. Removing each layer
in our own skin is the most important aspect in the
of the onion peel or as I like to say garbage is when our
evolvement and connection to our body and what is
spirit can emerge and we become whole. Also as long
termed as our soul or spirit.
as one chooses to not do the work there will not be a
Most people, men and women do not feel
marriage of our soul within our body and we will not
comfortable within their own skin. There isn’t that really
feel connected or completely whole. Taking these steps
deep connection; most don’t have a clue about this until
is what allows us to live our life in love and purpose.
they begin to examine their own human physical form.
You may be thinking at this point, great, I’m going
For example, take a look at your hand. Stretch it out in
to settled quietly down and look at my hand. It truly is
front of you and move it around slowly as you examine
more than just examining your hand. It begins with
it. The verbal and written response I receive back from
examining you. It begins with the most difficult work
conversation is, “my hand is trippy like I am stoned or
and the most rewarding work, “Mirror Work.” First
something.” When I ask someone to examine their hand
know that whatever your reaction to you is, it is alright,
they realize they are not connected to their body.
you will get to the other side of happiness. Most people
Here are a few other clues that will allow you to see
have an adverse reaction when they look into the mirror
the same information. Often time due to trauma, and
and say, “I love you” to themselves. It will be okay and
we all have suffered some type of trauma since birth,
this is a good starting point.
we have unconsciously learned how to go numb, or feel
Let’s make things easier for you. Take a pad of paper
cold within us. This is a result and a distraction that our
specifically for this purpose and a pen. As you stand
psyche creates in order to protect its self from pain.
in front of a good size mirror, alone without anyone
When you discover this about your body and take the
around, stand there looking at your reflection in the
steps to connect to it, is when change will happen.
mirror. In a moment or two - state to yourself out loud “I
30
love you.� See how your reaction is. Do this a few times. Record your findings. The purpose of recording what you say and your reactions is to keep a log, a journal. As you grow into a more loving state of yourself there will always be disturbances in your life that changes the way you feel about your self. This is why we record how we feel and what we say. When we do take a step backward in a negative manner we have our records to show we have seen our self loving and it can help you discover why you took a step backwards. Remember all steps backwards will reverse within time and you will move again forward as if you leaped. The work brings us to understand ourselves and as we move into other areas of body care, we release our poor body image issue, and grow into self love. This process has been performed by professionals and hundreds of thousands of people. Each professional that has their clients do mirror work has them do it in different fashion. For the thousands I have helped, this process works over-all the fastest to connect us to our core center. It is best to utilize this process four times a week for three to five minutes each day. It is recommended to do it in the morning before your mind is full of the daily issues and your inner critic is still quiet. Embrace the new you as you emerge and grow gracefully. 31
ME
Body Image: Are you part of the statistics? by Bonnie Gayle
“Body Image.” How a woman feels and sees herself
see today in magazines, billboards and catalogs has
physically and emotionally, has become big talk in
been photoshopped. The media glorifies a standard
recent years. Even with society’s rigid standards of ideal
of beauty, of perfection, that is both unattainable
female beauty, what a woman order to be considered
and unreasonable. The slender ideal is emphasized,
beautiful, has drastically changed over the years. What
along with its importance and the importance of
really is considered beautiful? In Victorian times, a
appearances in general.been photoshopped.
beautiful woman was well-fed and garnished with
media glorifies a standard of beauty, of perfection, that
opulent clothing. Since the time of the “pinup girl,” the
is both unattainable and unreasonable. The slender
women considered beautiful by both men and women
ideal is emphasized, along with its importance and the
had attainable figures and bodies that did not need to be
importance of appearances in general. {1}
The
perfect. They had curves, and ranged in size from 8-16.
Women’s images have been altered so much that
Bodacious was both sexy and beautiful. Then came the
there isn’t a bump, bulge, wrinkle or pore anywhere
‘60s and beauty took a drastic turn with the popularity
to be seen. Much of the time the person’s entire face
of Twiggy, the world’s first supermodel, whose boyish
and body are physically altered to the degree that they
skinny features made her instantly different from other
are unrecognizable in real life. What is this message we
models of her time. Suddenly, “thin was in” and the
are giving to women today? Are we not beautiful as we
standards of beauty for women have never been the
are? Is it even possible to live up to these unrealistic
same since.
expectations?
Since the ‘60s, research has shown that, while the number of commercials for the diet industry ($60
Are you one of the statistics?
billion a year) have increased, body sizes of centerfolds,
Slight Negative Body Image: 98% of women today dislike
Miss America contestants, fashion models and female
at least one thing about themselves. {2} Body Image
actresses have decreased. On the other hand, the
Issues could affect you on occasion however you don’t
weights of North American women have increased.
allow it to stop you from doing things in your life.
Then came Photoshop software which allows a photo
Extreme Negative Body Image: 80-90% of women
to be digitally altered to the point of making the
today really dislike the way they look. {2} Body Image
subject unrecognizable. Most likely every image you
Issues affect many or all areas of your life. This can
32
5 Tips to Positive Body Image 1. Get a coach who has had experience with body image and self-love. This is extremely important because going through something like this alone is pretty much impossible. 2. Practice self-love every day. Whether it’s reading daily mantras, focusing on a positive body quote, or telling yourself several times a day how much you love and appreciate your body – it’s all good! 3. Hang out with people who love you, not those who constantly compete with you and unconstructively criticize you. I know this can be difficult because it may mean needing to find new people to spend time with. I promise you, it’s worth it in the end. Like I said, it’s virtually impossible to do it alone. 4. Daily writing is key. This is real good old fashioned writing, not typing on a computer. Before you begin, close your eyes and ask yourself a question. Then ask the Universe to help guide you in release writing to expose what’s behind the question you asked. At the end of your writing, thank yourself and give yourself a hug for allowing the truth to come out. Sometimes writing on that one question will take several days. Be gentle with yourself and let the writing flow. 5. Have something to look forward to. Make some plans for yourself - one or more things you love to do weekly that bring you and your body pleasure and make sure you do them. It could be as simple as making a special bath for yourself that you soak in. I call mine a “Cleopatra Bath.”
be anything from never putting on a bathing suit, not
Learning to appreciate, like, love and see your body
dating because you don’t feel attractive, not allowing
positively when you don’t, takes courage. What you’ve
your partner to see you naked, staying in the same job
been subconsciously or consciously holding onto isn’t
because you don’t feel good about how you look, and so
pretty. In fact, it’s downright ugly. These thoughts,
much more…
feelings, and messages are painful and you’ve buried
Body dysmorphia : An obsession with your body or
them deep inside thinking they will go away. They won’t.
a specific body part that you think of and see as ugly. 1%
You need to open up the old wounds and let them out so
of all adults have Body dysmorphia. {3}
that you can release whatever is behind these feelings
The numbers don’t lie. Almost every woman
you’ve been carrying around. The good news is that you
doesn’t like something about herself when it comes
can change a negative body image, even if it’s extreme.
to her appearances. This isn’t surprising since 50% of the advertisements we see daily are displaying and
{1} Eating Disorders and the Role of the Media http://
promoting societal standards of what beauty is for
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2533817/
women - an unattainable level of perfection. {4} In order
{2} World Health Organization
to overcome the negative messaging, it takes a personal
{3} The Mirror Lies http://www.aafp.org/afp/2008/0715/
positive reinforcement practice along with spending
p217.html
time around positive, like-minded people in order to
{4} The Beauty Ideal http://www.honors.umaine.edu/
really feel comfortable in your body.
files/2009/07/hoffmann-2004.pdf 33
ME
Four Points to Fearless Living by Lehla Eldridge Fear and I have been really good mates. The fearful
This shining one had a story, we all do, but she
lady has lived rent free in my head for a long time, in
carried her story like a fire within her. Sometimes she
fact she has been entertaining my inner gremlins and
was enveloped by it. Sometimes it seemed to be what
having parties in my head ever since I can remember.
drove her forward to embrace life. She was ill and she
I am not sure when she first joined me, maybe I was a
had bravely lived her life knowing that each year was a
teenager, or maybe it was the day my parents’ marriage
gift. Years passed but her illness came back to get her.
fell apart when I was a kid. Or maybe not, it could have
It twisted her in its grip and did all the things that this
been school… who knows, or even cares… All I know
illness does and it left her on the frontline of an inner
is that the fearful lady and I have been firm friends. I
war that was marching through her body. A war that she
know her well.
knew she couldn’t fight and one that she grew to accept
A friend of mine, who I met a few years ago, was one
painfully but gracefully. One day in my small dark
of those bright shining people. (I think all people are
kitchen in Devon I asked a few questions. I asked her
bright and shiny but some people choose to hide their
“What have you learned about life?” She told me these
shiny-ness.) My 50-year-old friend shone. She bounced
four things…
when she walked and if she were a flower she would be a daffodil. We lived in a community set up, a big house where we shared the cooking and ate meals together. She lived there too and seemed strong and fearless. When there was maintenance to be done on the huge 18th century house, she would do it. When music was playing she danced. I once pulled up in the community car park. We had both just come back from picking our kids up in the local village - and she was dancing. Her car radio was turned up full blast. When another friend pulled up, the three of us danced to Ziggy Stardust in the wet muddy car park in the countryside, in Devon, whilst the kids looked on. I think I might have even played air guitar. We danced fearlessly. 34
1 2
Be Fearless. There is nothing to be scared of and she had learned that she was here to live fearlessly. If music
is playing and you want to dance, dance! Fall in love with yourself. She had only then at that time in her life realised how lovely she was. She said she had fallen in love
with herself. She looked at me and said “I am really lovely, I wish I had known that all my life.
3
Life is so very beautiful. This rang out to me like a clear note. Life is so very beautiful and each day is a gift. She talked of the
trees and of how the light shines through them and she
out of my head is a gift. When I have my time with my
turned to me and said “It is so beautiful out there.”
kids I can choose to have a lot of fun with them, which
4
It is a privilege to get old. She told me that she had realised what a beautiful privilege it would have been to get old.
is an unbelievable gift. And yes, when a song comes on in the supermarket, I dance to it if I like it and so does my husband. You can sometimes find us in the aisle by the gluten free pasta dancing like crazies. I have also
She told me the stuff we hear all the time, it is
realised I am actually very lovely and that the fearful
staring at us in every moment, but having her in my
lady does not need to consume my head and spoil my
kitchen shifted something for me. Through her wise
fun and dominate my life. Because really, our time on
and simple words I saw things in a different way. As I
this planet is very precious and a beautiful shining gift,
look at my crow’s feet doing their thing on my face, I
and we all have a choice as to how we show up. So when
see that they are a gift. Each grey hair that fights its way
you next hear a good song and want to dance, do it!
Ground breaking radio show sharing tools and techniques for survivors of childhood trauma with Radio show host, Author and Speaker Susan Jacobi. Wednesdays, 12:30pm PST / 3:30pm EST
www.conversationsthatheal.com Podcasts available on iTunes and Stitcher 35
ME
Be Your Beauty by Claire Sierra, MA, LFT Successful Western women have access to more
and intrinsically drawn to people, experiences, and
resources, power, and freedom than during any other
objects that are beautiful. Beauty, is an essential quality
time in recorded history. And that’s awesome (even
of the Soul of Woman.
though it’s nowhere near equal with the guys.) But
For as long as we have existed, external beauty
there’s something amiss. We’re exhausted, tapped out,
has been a huge source of women’s power and self-
dried up. We’ve spent too long in the masculine mode.
worth – we wear it like armor. Beauty Power is a potent
It’s how our culture has trained us to be successful and
intoxicant and it can garner great rewards. But focusing
it has served us well - but it’s also making us miserable.
on superficial good-looks is not without consequences.
Now, it’s time for something different: accessing our
The trajectory of this path can ultimately lead to
Feminine Power. But just how do we reconnect with
disappointment, or despair. As beauty fades, power, is
that silky, sensuous, creative, ineffable essence, that
lost. Then, what? We’re left with a hollow, empty shell
makes us feel juicy, and alive?
as that false self collapses. Feminine Soul, our essence,
There’s a movement emerging - I see, hear, and feel
yearns for authentic expression.
it everywhere. As our innate, but slumbering Feminine Soul awakens, we are changing. We are relating to
Soul Sourced Beauty
ourselves, and our lives from a deeper, more authentic,
Beauty from our essence has the quality of Soul,
intuitive state of Being. We are reclaiming parts of
which is why we are so compellingly drawn to it. True
ourselves that have been lost, damaged, or disregarded
Beauty, is not photo-shopped artifice or a stereotyped
and we are tapping into skills, and abilities that we’ve
ideal, but is an aspect of our unique expression. We
forgotten, or misplaced.
are magnetically drawn to women who radiate Soul
One key area that we need to reclaim, is “Beauty.”
Beauty, often regardless of external appearance. When
As we reconnect with the essence of our own beauty,
we celebrate the rich variety of our sizes, shapes, and
we reclaim the sensuality, and pleasure of the Divine in
colors, we all naturally shine.
feminine form. It’s complicated though, isn’t it? From
Many of us (maybe most), can’t see our own light.
an early age, Beauty is the muse we’ve been taught to
Most of what we believe about ourselves depends on
desire, court, and worship. And we get mixed messages
what we’ve been taught about our own value and worth.
- criticism, and encouragement - for cultivating this
We are so externally, and socially referenced that we
Beauty Power. Yet despite this paradox, we are simply
can’t see our own beauty, and light - especially when it
36
is doesn’t match the cultural ideals. Too fat, tall, skinny,
here - then your beauty unfolds, (in all your ordinary
dark, light - each one of us has a mental list of how we
magnificence). As you grow to love, and value yourself
don’t “measure up.” Yet we each are beautiful beyond
as a Divine Being in feminine form, and connect with
measure! In denying, and repressing this, we suffer. We
this sacred inner beauty, you become gorgeous. That’s
reject our light, and power.
not what the advertising, fashion, or beauty industries
We radiate Soul Beauty when we are fully alive and
want you to know. But it’s true. As you stand in your
connected with our essential self. As we awaken this
inner light and radiance, others will naturally be drawn
Goddess Self, our true and natural Beauty shines from
to you, for to be in this presence, is to touch the Divine.
the inside out. Feminine Soul Essence is who you are when you are just being yourself, and shining your light.
The Practice: Be Your Beauty
It is not learned, it’s authentic, and aligned with your
Sometimes we are known for things that we’ve been
true, and unique nature. You might be innately joyful,
trained to be, that are not intrinsic to our nature. Often
and light, soft, and sweet, or piercingly insightful,
we just step in line with others around us. We are not
inspirational, compassionate, or clear. You might look
what we wear, or how we look, but they do impact how
classic, or organic, polished, frilly, or athletic. No
we feel about ourselves. This affects how we show up in
matter what you are doing or how you present yourself,
our lives, and the world responds accordingly. You get to choose. You can change your sense of
you are radiating your beautiful Soul essence, in your own unique signature style.
self from the inside out. If you want to live a creative,
Your Beauty Power lies, in knowing, and embodying
inspired, purposeful life, make a conscious choice to
your uniqueness - really loving yourself for it. When you
shine your essence, and be true to your own beauty.
own your core self - who you really are, and why you’re
Allow yourself to be your true Self, inside, and out.
1. Take time daily, to connect with your Essence, your intrinsic worth, (as a being rather than for your doing.) • What innate qualities do you wish to express? Who are you, when all the masks are down? 2. Notice if others around you are uncomfortable when you make changes and try to pull you back into the form, role, or package they are used to. Or do they applaud your efforts? True allies will support your changes. 3.
Notice a difference in how you feel, when you are more intentional, and aligned with what you surround yourself with, whether it’s clothing, environment, or people. This affects how you shine your Essence in the world. you love, or secretly hate, but think you are supposed to wear? Journal about: • Do your clothes (colors, shapes, textures, styles) and accessories express who you really are? • What about your hair, makeup, and jewelry?
4. Journal about your understanding of your own Essence. Consider these questions: • What do you really like about yourself? • What do others praise you for? • Do the compliments reflect who/what you want to be? • How would like to be known, or seen? 37
Is life real or imagined? Is there a difference? Do our beliefs and perceptions hold us hostage? How do we break free?
Author Carolyn Gervais immediately hooks the reader's attention by revealing the profound philosophical questions she, as a small child, asked her grandfather. I really appreciated the author’s biographical stories and I like the way the author explores reality and illusion. "Judge, Writer's Digest 21st Annual Self-Published Book Awards"
Author Carolyn Gervais takes you beyond the boundaries of belief and perception. http://www.awakeningyou.com/
Why do you do what you do? Why are you attracted to him? Why are you holding back?
Proj
ect
Get Answers.
Coaching s Community s Connection. TheLiesITell.com s victoriawynn@me.com sFB Search “Truth Be Told”
Sacred Space
Conscious Space by Sharon Otness
The other day I watched the unveiling of the home
1. Remove everything from the space. And I mean
Nate Berkus re-did for Iyanla Vanzant. Did you see it?
everything: clutter, furnishings, area rugs. Get rid of
What touched me was the “feeling” that went into the
the things that are broken or you no longer enjoy.
spaces, both from the directions Iyanla gave Nate from
2. Thoroughly clean it, top to bottom.
her vision book and the care Nate took in interpreting
3. Now take a fresh look. Was it just cluttered and in need
her wants and needs. I can guarantee that most of the
of a spring clean? Or do you need to add more of “you”
colors, textures, and patterns Iyanla loves, Nate was
into the space?
able to incorporate from her vision book.
If you feel your entry space is truly in need of a redo, I
The first thing I ask my design clients when I start
suggest you take the time to create a vision for your space.
working with them is: “How do you want your home
You can make a vision book like Iyanla did or create a
to FEEL?” It is amazing how few people can answer
board on Pinterest. Go to Houzz.com for some great
that question. They jump right into a style or type of
ideas. In recreating your entry space, there are some
furniture. How you feel in your home contributes to
key elements to look for. (Before heading out the door to
your overall sense of wellbeing.
purchase new furniture and art, take a look and see what
I invite you to participate in a little experiment right
you can “shop” for in your own home. Then fill in where
now… Walk outside your front door… close your eyes…
you need.) I’ve listed the six key steps for recreating your
take a deep breath. Now open your eyes and walk back
entry space below:
in. Look around. How do you feel? If you feel anxious, depressed, annoyed or sad, we have work to do! Let’s get started. Spring is the perfect time. The first space I suggest you tackle is your foyer or
1
COLOR FIRST This is an area that can take beautiful saturated colors that might seem overwhelming in other
entry. It is less overwhelming than one of the larger
spaces. So have fun with bright colors, darks, jewel tones
rooms in your home and it is the first thing you and
and patterns if that is what makes you happy. If you have
your visitors see. It can truly set the tone for your home.
a hectic and stressful life outside of the home, you may
Before completely redoing this space, try this trick I
want to walk in the door to soothing, calm colors and
learned when I was doing home staging and one-day
textures. Don’t forget to paint the exterior and/or interior
room makeovers:
of the entry door - one thing can make a big difference!
40
2
LIGHTING IS CRITICAL Make sure to have a table or chest to hold a table lamp, especially if there isn’t overhead
lighting. You can add drama with an up light behind a plant. If you have an overhead chandelier or pendant, make sure it is one that makes your heart sing to look
3 4
at. They do not need to cost a fortune. TEXTURE ADDS INTEREST An area rug is a quick way to add texture.
5 6
SHOW YOUR PERSONALITY WITH ART A travel photo, a favorite quote, found elements can all be used. Add a mirror for
that last minute check before going out the door. CLEAN THE EXTERIOR Even if it is too early to plant new shrubs in your area, just clean it up, add a new entry mat and a fresh coat of paint to the door if
needed. Replace tired entry lights.
Place baskets to hold mail or umbrellas.
Now, walk out your front door… close your eyes…
Window shades and drapery can add texture and drama.
take a deep breath. Open your eyes and walk in the door. How do you feel? This is your first step toward
ORGANIZATION IS KEY
turning your home into your sanctuary.
The table or chest you have placed is also a perfect spot to hold keys, fresh flowers
or greenery, a candle or beautiful vase or statue. Use wall hooks to hang a favorite hat, scarf or jacket if closet space is dear.
41
Dish
Thin Mint Smoothie by Sharon Otness
1 cup coconut, hemp or rice milk 3/4 cup coconut water 1/2 cup spinach 1 T. ground hemp seeds 1 scoop pea protein powder (optional) 1 scoop greens powder (optional) 1 T. Cacao powder 1/2 avocado 1 drop peppermint essential oil or 1 tsp peppermint extract Stevia to taste 1/2 cup ice cubes Blend and serve. 44
Cocoa Almond Energy Bites by Sharon Otness 1 1/2 cups old-fashioned oats 1/2 cup Cocoa Almond Spread (TJ’s or you could use Nutella) 1/2 cup shredded coconut 1/2 cup honey 1/4 cup coconut oil 1/2 cup Almonds 2 T. ground flax seeds 1 T. chia seeds 2 tsp. vanilla extract 1/2 tsp. salt Place almonds and oats in food processor and process until fine. Add the rest of ingredients and blend until it forms a dough. Place the dough in the refrigerator until it is firmer (at least 15 minutes). Roll into balls and keep in refrigerator. 45
Life as You Know It is about to Change
A
by Kellie Valenti re you willing to change your lifestyle in
to seek out change. You started on the journey, your
order to obtain great health? Change is
body responded to being treated kindly and with love,
hard, and most don’t want it bad enough
and then life happened. One day you found yourself
to do what is absolutely necessary. For
miles from where you started… You shook your head
most, the daily decisions and choices are
and wondered what the hell happened.
what get people in trouble. If I didn’t decide every day to
You see, health is a slippery slope. We all need it and
start my day with the right attitude and to make healthy
most of us take it for granted. When you’re young and
choices throughout my day, I would be in trouble. Each
have the world by the horns, you don’t even think about
decision we make paves our day, our week, our month,
all the garbage you do to your mind, body and soul. As
our year and so on. I realize that sometimes I overwhelm
you age, you begin to regret some of the choices and
people because I’m so passionate about health and
decisions, and then make life altering changes. While
healing… I can see it in your eyes… the realization
others just keep looking for the magic pill. I’ve even
that so many things might actually need to change.
fallen into the magic pill syndrome. I like easy too. The
Let’s back up a bit. First of all, there’s no need to
false sense of security that the “Pill” might offer, and
change everything, or learn all there is to learn, all at
the way it might make me look and/or feel. That magic
once. That would make my head spin too. I’ve been
pill doesn’t exist. Doctors and pharmaceuticals won’t
right where you are. The difference is that I practice a
fix the problem. At best, they just mask the symptoms.
healthy lifestyle because it is important to me. We all
You have to fix the problem.
do what’s important to us. If you truly want to acquire
It all starts with change. When you have the courage
a temple that is deserving of its creator, then you really
to stand up and say enough is enough, and go within
have to want to change.
yourself to seek out what resonates with your core
This is where the rubber meets the road. You see,
being, you’ll be ready to walk to the other side of health.
most of you don’t want change badly enough to do the
There is a powerful saying that goes like this….“When
work. When it gets hard, or you don’t see instantaneous
the student is ready, the teacher appears.” If you’re in
results, you quit. We all get lazy from time to time and
poor health and you haven’t yet found your magic pill or
we tell ourselves all the lies in the world to make it okay
if you’re still searching for that fountain of youth, I have
to stop the journey. There are others of you who have
hope for you.
experienced some major life challenge and did decide 47
Food for Thought I must warn you though. It will take a conscious effort on your part. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. When you’re ready to commit to doing something differently, there truly is hope and healing. I went so far as to print out the above quote on an 8 ½ x 11 sheet of paper, put it in a protective plastic cover and hang it in my shower… literally. Why? It’s someplace that is seen every day AND not only by me. It’s a constant reminder.
S…Sustainable living I…Intuitive guidance M…Making memories P…Preparation daily L…Living life to the fullest E…Experience laughter and play
Do what it takes. When you’re ready, I have the arsenal that’s needed.
I have a tool belt of wellness and healing. I use
It’s a traditional foods way of living. It’s not new or a
and teach it daily. Life really is simple, we just tend to
fad. It’s been around for hundreds and hundreds of
complicate it and make it hard. Life will change, with
years. It’s tried and proven. Our ancestors practiced
our without your permission. Are you ready to embrace
it. It really comes down to a simple way of living, from
some healthy change in your life and do you want it
my perspective.
badly enough? The answers are waiting inside of you.
"Living Life on a Natural High"
www.sharonotness.com 48
Taking Time to Learn about Nutrition by Amanda Rose Baker
W
hy take the time to learn about
We have all heard of vitamins, which are
nutrition and healthy lifestyle
macronutrients, meaning larger nutrient particles.
modification? Sure, there are
But, how many of us have heard of phytonutrients?
fun, surface reasons, like looking
Phytonutrients are smaller nutrient particles that
better in your bikini this summer.
play a crucial role in how healthy and shiny we feel
But there is a new branch of science called epigenetics,
and look. The prefix “phyto” is defined as plant. The
which provides a deeper motive. Epigenetics maintains
pigments in plants are created as it responds to light
that our diet and lifestyle can actually impact the way
– the plant, which grows and thrives in sunlight, takes
our genes are expressed. We may be born with the
this light and responds in its own unique way, and that
gene for a certain type of cancer, for example, but it is
uniqueness is expressed in its pigment. Essentially,
possible that this gene will never be turned on, and we
when we eat plants, we are eating transmuted
live our entire life free from cancer. Aspects of our lives
sunlight. Does this play a role in which of our genes is
that we control, affect how our cells read our genes, so
turned on? You bet it does.
that if we were dealt a bad hand in the form of genes
Phytonutrients subtly tickle different pathways
that have been passed down for generations, we can
within our bodies, stimulating processes at the
choose different cards, and win the game.
cellular level that contribute to our vitality. So, when
We no longer have to go through life feeling
you hear or read that you should eat all the colors of
powerless over the destiny of our bodies. The choices
the rainbow, there is a very real reason for this. Each
we make every day truly determine the quality of life
color produces a functional reaction that supports
we will experience into our thirties, forties, fifties
the optimum performance of your body – including
and beyond. This is no longer a vague connection –
your hair and skin.
the secret is being uncovered, down to the building
Some fruits and vegetables are best eaten raw –
blocks of our bodies, the cells. In most cases, we can
like avocadoes and blueberries. The phytonutrients
choose to feel and look younger for longer. This is cause
in the mighty avocado have an immune regulating
to celebrate! Which of your genes do you wish to see
property, which reduces the risk of cancer. The blue
expressed in your lifetime? If you answered, “the strong
in blueberries is very good for the neuroplasticity
and beautiful ones,” then read on.
of the brain. We are born with a certain number of 49
Food for Thought brain cells, and these deteriorate as we grow older. But
gently cooking liberates the beta-carotene, the magic
again, we have a chance to outsmart the aging process
in the carrot. Place a little ghee (clarified butter) in a
because the plasticity of the brain, or the capacity for
pan and add some powdered ginger. Stir the ginger and
your brain tissue to communicate to itself, can always
ghee until a paste is formed. Now add some carrots and
be expanded, and blueberries help. (As will expanding
sautĂŠ them. Easy and delish! Chlorophyll, the pigment
your brain through learning new things, but that is a
in green vegetables, actually binds to toxins in the body
subject for another article.)
so that your system can remove them. This will keep you
According to Ayurveda, some of us respond best to cooked vegetables. Whether it is best to eat your veggies
young! Spinach is a good choice for this, as are spirulina, chlorella, cilantro, and leafy greens in general.
raw or cooked is also determined by the time of year.
So, the next time you go to the market, buy the
In summertime, raw and cold help calm the heat of the
rainbow, and choose your own adventure in support of
season – a good thing. In winter, cooked, warm foods
your health and longevity!
best support us. In the case of the carrot, for example,
50
Diet Fugitive seeking Permanent Asylum by Cori Rosenthal
I
consider myself a fugitive from the land of yo-
attainable goals allow for confidence and self-esteem
yo dieting - a land that apprehended me when I
building, building a bridge to a healthier self-image.
was 12. Food was comforting, social, something
I love sweets and tend to crave them when stressed.
to do while watching TV and doing homework.
For that reason, I decided to abstain from sugar for
In middle school, those comforting morsels
several years. I thought it would bring me peace but
made my pants tight, had me comparing my thighs to
eventually I became tired of feeling deprived and
my friends and began a war I waged against my body in
different. On a warm summer day in a beautiful park, I
pursuit of thin. Food was my friend, my comfort, and
experienced mindful eating with my first bite of sweets
my arch nemesis.
in years. Using all my senses, and without judgment, I I
choose to give my full attention to a small lemon sorbet.
spent a few decades in pursuit of that “perfect diet.” I
I feasted on the sorbet with my eyes first. Then I
walked the edge between restriction and indulgence,
smelled the lemon and noted the sound of my spoon
deprivation and guilt. I tried low-fat, low-carb, low
brushing against the frozen treat. I took that first
calorie, and just about everything in between. Every
bite slowly and tentatively, as if my experiment could
diet worked... until it didn’t. Every time I regained the
literally blow up in my face. I savored every spoonful,
weight my self-esteem took a nosedive. Finally, I sought
putting the spoon in the cup between bites. I focused
asylum from the land of yo-yo dieting by repairing my
on the flavor sensation in my mouth and the beauty of
relationship with food and body. My journey inspired a
the park surrounding me. I was present and focused
desire to work with others seeking asylum, those who
completely on what I was doing. I finished the cup, and
also wish to declare peace in the battle between food
I felt entirely satisfied. I didn’t want or need more.
I believed the answer was the “perfect diet.”
and body, body and self.
When I gave up sugar, I did so hoping to achieve
Restrictive diets require a lot of changes all at once
peace with food and my body. Surprisingly, mindfully
and often spark a sense of deprivation. When I work
eating that sorbet was a giant step toward healing my
with clients, I prefer small, incremental changes one at
relationship with food and body and finding the peace I
a time. Small changes allow one to build on successes
previously sought in restriction.
and transition into permanent lifestyle changes. Small
I am not a nutritionist, and nutritional advice is
51
Food for Thought not within my scope of practice. What I’m sharing
of what I share will support you on your journey.
here are experiments you might try to create a healthy
This first experiment is called “The Mindful Bite.”
relationship with food and body. Everyone is different
Try it at the beginning of a few meals and see what
and must find his or her own path. My hope is that some
you discover.
Mindful Bites
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Sit down at a table with your food and for at least this first bite, turn off ALL distractions. No TV, book, computer or cell phone. Put one bite of food on your fork or spoon and really look at it. Feast with your eyes. Hold the food to your nose and inhale deeply. Fully experience the aroma of your food. Put the food in your mouth but do not bite down right away. Put the fork down. First make note of the flavors and textures of the food.
When you do chew the food, do so slowly, deliberately and completely. Note the changing texture as you chew. Swallow the food and take a moment to notice if you can feel to food as it moves down your esophagus and into your stomach. Notice any thoughts or feelings brought on by this exercise.
52
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New Paradigm
Blocked? You can Choose Not to Be by Rosemary Bredeson
S
ometimes it’s hard to recognize when a
a belief that she couldn’t be successful because none
block or a pattern is holding us back from
of her siblings were having financial success. Surprise!
manifesting our magnificence. We don’t
The unconscious mind holds onto things our inner
know what we don’t know. So often clients
child creates without giving us a clue. Using guided
come to me for help with a certain issue or
visualization and some counseling tools, we cleared
problem in their lives or businesses or relationships,
that belief and developed a business structure that
when the REAL problem is a block somewhere else.
incorporated her art into her business. Removing that
When that block is cleared, the other issues improve.
unconscious block freed her to create a new, unified,
We don’t know what we don’t know, because the
fulfilling business that is wildly successful today.
unconscious mind (where the block is located) has
We are all wired this way. The conscious mind
so much power over our thoughts and actions and it
can only hold a handful of ideas at any one time. The
operates… well… unconsciously.
unconscious mind, however, is storing all the rest of the
Be grateful for your unconscious mind. It keeps
millions of bits of data that come at us every second!
your heart pumping and your brain functioning and
This includes our thoughts and beliefs, which are stored
your lungs breathing and a whole lot of other processes
there throughout our lives.
operating in your life without you having to consciously
Understand that THERE IS NOTHING WRONG
make things happen. However, that same unconscious
WITH YOU! You are not broken and you do not need
mind is operating in ways that can create patterns and
to be fixed. If you are feeling stuck or blocked, or have
blocks that you might not be aware of consciously, and
patterns of behavior that you want to change, but can’t
probably would not have chosen if you did know. This is
seem to on your own, it’s a signal that you are ready to
why you might be struggling with understanding why you can’t get things done or why you seem to be blocked from your successes. One of my clients wanted to leap forward with her
There are ways to see beyond what is holding you back.
business but struggled because she felt conflicted about
do some personal growth work. You are ready to leap
doing her creative work and doing the business that paid
forward and clear what is happening at the unconscious
the bills. When we got together to spend a day planning
level so that you are free to move into your conscious
out her strategies for the coming year, we uncovered
choices, your conscious dreams. 55
New Paradigm Do you have a pattern you’ve tried to change but
your path. Take a step in the direction of your dreams.
using willpower alone isn’t getting you to your goals?
If you feel blocked, if you stumble, rejoice that you are
Are you stuck with ideas that seem to belong in someone
growing. There are ways to see beyond what is holding
else’s life or time, but they are somehow cropping up in
you back. There are tools to help you, and there are
yours? Do you have trouble seeing possibilities because
people to support you in your growth. Journal. Meditate.
the problems block the view? These are signs that point
Work with someone you trust. Find the help you need,
the way forward for you on your path to growth. Nobody
but don’t go looking for shortcuts that may take you
moves forward without moving through obstacles. Some
AROUND the blocks! They won’t get you far.
are small and others are huge. Sometimes the path is
In these days of the 21st Century we don’t have
smooth and we lull ourselves into a sense of security
time to delay. We are called to live our Purpose. Staying
about having “arrived.” At other times, the path seems
stuck or blocked doesn’t accomplish that. Be who you
totally blocked, with no way to move forward. How easy
REALLY are. Ask for help if you need it. Move through
it would be to turn around and go back to the comfort of
your blocks and grow.
the familiar, or to stay stuck and play the victim! But, if you are reading these words, it may be that you are being called to continue moving forward on
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New Paradigm
Become Your Inner Hero by Rev. Lorraine Cohen
The last few years have been some of the toughest,
can transform yourself and your life. We all have the
most painful, comfort-zone zapping, heart-busting,
capacity to shrink from our courage and power when
faith building, healing, profoundly alive, exhilarating,
we forget who we are. Our minds race in with “worst
creative, and freeing periods I have ever experienced.
case scenarios “and “what ifs “as our imaginations run
Life is a journey of courage. Courage is about following
wild. Our egos create elaborate stories and dramas that
your heart in spite of what your mind and feelings are
cause us to feel at risk and frightened. We believe what
telling you. Courage is an act of love and faith to do what
we imagine as if it were real and certain. We collect
is right and true for you, to be willing to do whatever
evidence from the past as proof that life is unfair, unsafe,
it takes because you must! Each person expresses and
and painful. We expect the worst rather than the best.
experiences courage differently. Courage is an internal
Those are times when you must summon courage
feeling that can be powerfully directed outward in the
to become your own hero. It is in those moments when
world as an expression of your heart’s desires and soul’s
you take a leap of faith or a step through fear - because
intentions for your life path.
you know in your heart you must – that you find out who
Ultimately, courage has little to do with what you
you are and what your capacity for life is. Consciously
might view as heroism and heroic acts and everything to
or not, in those moments, you also invite the Universe
do with the choices you make every moment and every
to meet you with the gifts and blessings that are yours
day throughout the course of your life. Acts of courage
to claim.
can be seemingly small yet powerful in the ways you
“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” ~ Audrey Lorde
58
Five Ways to become your own hero 1. Live from your values and self-integrity. What you esteem you must be willing to fight for. It takes courage and passion to stand up for yourself and what you value. You must be willing to risk losing love and approval from others to take a stand for what you believe and value. You are stronger than you may realize. Make choices that reflect what matters most to you and show up in ways that honor those values. When you do, you will like and love who you see in the mirror!
2. Say no or yes when it is right for you rather than from guilt, fear, or pressure. It’s liberating when you are courageous enough to say yes or no without feeling fear, shame, or guilt. Staying true to your Self is a gift you give yourself and what you model for others as a leader. Your courage inspires others.
3. Self-love. Set boundaries and put yourself in positions that nourish, empower, and honor you. Sacrificing yourself to please others will cost you peace of mind, self-respect, and self-love. In the end those who remain will be the ones who really matter.
4. Follow your heart even when things feel scary or unpopular with others. It takes courage, inner strength, and deep self-love to stand up for what you value. Life yields to those who are valiantly and passionately living their truth and purpose. You can set an inspiring and hopeful example for others – that they too can rise above their fearful illusions of smallness and soar to the heights of their greatness. When you stand in your own Light, you invite others to shine more brightly.
5. Commit to daily spiritual practices that include fostering a deep bond with God. The relationship you have with the Divine that lives within you, through you, and as you, is the key to living your greatest and happiest life in alignment with your heroic spirit. Involve God in everything as you would a dear, close friend. Watch the magic happen.
Life is a journey of courage. You have all you need within you to fly. Trust! Be fierce in your passion and stand in your strength. Within you is the power to rise above any situation or struggle, and transform into the Brightest, Strongest version of your Self!
59
New Paradigm
Unable to Please by Rebecka Eggers
I
am never truly content to write an article that
almost as if for the first time, how truly high they are.
merely informs. So, today I want to take you
There are about 70 doublewide steps in all. Just as your
on a journey. I invite you to let go and fall into
reach number 40 a man approaches you. He is holding
this story. Allow it to transport you to a colorful
a binder. He wants to speak with you. Courtesy would
little town in the mountains of Southern Mexico.
demand that you stop and honor his request. But you
The air is cool. In fact, it’s bordering on cold. The line
are already out of breath and on a mission to summit.
between comfort and discomfort is so blurry that you
You try to say you don’t speak Spanish. He is persistent.
are wondering if you made the right choice leaving your
English then? Finally, you admit, rather hurriedly, that
sweater behind. The sky is grey. But it is not the kind
you don’t want to talk. These little moments of rebelling
of grey that can turn this place into a raging river on a
against what is expected are familiar. Long ago you
moments notice. You carry on.
gave up trying to please! In fact, sometimes you can be
You are walking up to the Church of Guadalupe as
downright contrary just for the hell of it.
you do nearly every day. You feel the uneven stones
Finally, you enter the chapel. Two indigenous
beneath your feet. You sink into the familiar sounds
families are there performing a ritual. One has just
of cars driving by, or more accurately rattling by. Over
begun. The other has just finished. A slight man of about
the years you have become convinced that if the word
forty takes out a small bottle of Coke and a small shot
“tune-up” translates, it is a seldom used word. You
sized glass. The woman shaman’s chanting is working
laugh a little at the peculiarity of your own life. Even
its way up to a fever pitch. Much to your surprise, the
after nearly four years, the sights and sounds of this
man pours a tiny glass of coke for you and stretches
little Mexican pueblo remain a little foreign to you,
out his hand. You have no idea what to do. After all
and therefore, each day is somehow rich with new
these years, you still do not know the customs of the
discoveries.
indigenous. You are seldom invited to be close.
As you walk you take in the red and green colored
Suddenly you find yourself in a pure moment,
flags that still sway in the wind overhead; remnants
a spontaneous moment that lives well beyond your
of December’s month long celebration. You hear the
conditioning. You have nothing to guide you in this
music pouring out of the chicken restaurant. The fire
moment but your own gut instincts and your desire.
in the pit is flaming almost out of control as you pass by.
You have no idea if it would be rude to take his offering
As you reach the steps of the church you notice,
from his meager supply (one 12 ounce bottle for a group
60
of 8) or whether it would be rude to refuse it.
smiling. He smiles too and continues making his round.
In this moment, you are free. There is nothing to
Right about that time the shaman chokes the chicken,
push or rebel against, no expectation to meet. In being
and with it, whatever was left of your willingness to live
rendered completely unable to please by design, you
in either rebellion or acquiescence.
experience a window, a tiny gap of not knowing, and in
You are free to live your life in this place beyond
that moment you come to know yourself. A split second
conditioning. Now that you have found it experienced
later you are chugging a shot glass full of Coke and
it, it belongs to you.
61
New Paradigm
My Mother’s Power of Imperfection and how it Empowered Me by Tova Garr
W
was
I ran off, slamming the door to
allowed
g r o w i n g
my room. (My mother now refers
compassion towards her, and to
up, I had no
to our teen years as “the door
stop judging her so harshly. But it
doubt in my
slamming years” literally and
also gave me an even bigger gift.
mind that my
metaphorically.) It is hard to say
At that time I was, and continued
mother thought she was perfect.
25 years later what the fight was
to be for quite a while, a deep
When I was a young girl, I agreed.
about. But I will always remember
perfectionist. My mother gave
She seemed to have the answer to
the conversation that followed,
me the permission I had never
everything, was able to make me
because it forever changed my
been able to give myself, the
feel better when I was down, and
relationship with my mother. After
permission to make a mistake.
unlike the mothers of my friends,
sitting in my room for a while,
It was both okay and human to
she never seemed to be helpless in
feeling misunderstood, wronged
make mistakes. I could admit I
any way, and was always clear with
and angry, I heard a knock on
was wrong and apologize for it.
her expectations. As I approached
the door. It was my mother. She
my teen years, my mother stopped
came in and apologized. She said
transitioning from a little girl
looking so perfect. Suddenly, I was
she had been wrong, she had said
into a teen, your relationship
irritated by her. I could not stand
things she did not mean to say,
changes. She is changing and so
the fact that she seemed to think
and was sorry. She told me that I
are you, and as she transitions,
she knew the answers to everything,
reminded her so much of herself,
YOU are her model. Although she
that she would tell me what to do,
and she did not want me to make
may be spending much of her
and that she did not seem to know
the same mistakes she had. My jaw
day rebelling in direct or subtle
or care how hard life was for me.
dropped open, and stayed there
ways, she is watching your every
She made me angry, and I needed
for quite a while. Could this be
move. This can be both scary
to make sure I proved her wrong,
my mother, who thought she was
and a blessing. The scary part is
even if only in my head. I found it
perfect, admitting she was not???
that she sees you in all of your
hen
I
harder and harder to relate to her. Then one day we had a big fight. She yelled, I yelled, and then 62
As
me
your
to
feel
daughter
more
is
Something important changed
imperfection. The blessing is that
in our relationship that day. Her
this allows you to teach without
ability
having to lecture, to give lessons
to
admit
imperfection
in life by simply being
every
mother
makes.
your authentic self.
But instead of trying to pretend to yourself, your
A young client of recently shared
friends, and your kids
how when she makes
that you are perfect, own
mistakes
first
your mistakes and use
beating
them as opportunities.
herself up for doing it
See them as precious
wrong. She has to do
moments of vulnerability
this before she can move
and authenticity. This
on, as a form of self-
is the place where deep
punishment. Somehow
connection grows and
she
this
growth happens. It is also
would prevent her from
the place of happiness
making a mistake again.
and relief, because here
As you can imagine, this
we all get to be our real
never worked for her.
selves, no longer trying
We spent time together,
to be someone else, or
looking for ways which
some perfect version of
would enable her to give
ourselves. We learn to
herself permission to
make mistakes and make
mine
spends
she time
hoped
that
simply acknowledge her mistake,
that it took me completely off my life
amends, and teach our daughters
learn from it, and then see it as
path and out of alignment with who
the power of imperfection and
a gift. I am here to tell you what I
I truly was for a very long time.
growth.
hope you already know - none of us
So what can you do to support
is perfect no matter how hard we
your daughter and teach her the
try. As a recovering perfectionist, I
power of imperfection? All you have
can tell you I tried. I tried so hard
to do is just be you. Make the mistakes
Sending you lots of love and support to just be you and own it!
63
New Paradigm
A New Plan for Parenting after Separation or Divorce by Alexandria Johnatakis
T
he statistics are pretty terrifying - children of divorced parents are more likely to have heart disease, struggle with adult relationships, do poorly in school, and more likely to go to prison. Honestly, the prospect of raising children was terrifying even before my divorce. No one ever expects to get divorced, and no one wants bad things for their children. I want my life, and my children’s lives, to be joyful, and whole. I want us to embrace ourselves as
we are, love ourselves, and pursue joyful and meaningful lives. I came from a large family with loving parents. I have no template for how to go about this. Everything in my life before now was following the pattern: Get Married, Have Kids, Live Happily Ever After. Except for the “Happily Ever After” bit. Now that I’ve exited that pattern, I need a new plan, and quick, before my kids end up as one of those statistics. So together, we are writing our own plan.
Be Present Financially, things have not been stable since my
them have been scary. If I can help them learn how to
marriage ended. Sometimes the stress succeeds in
identify and process those feelings, I might spare them
stealing the moment from me. Nonetheless, I try to be
some heartache later on.
present with my kids as much as I can. I try to connect with them, imagine with them, be silly with them. I let
Pursue Joy Relentlessly
my three year old set the pace on our walks. I let my five
For years, pure joy was in short supply in my life. The
year old tell me all about her favorite TV show, and then
type of joy that comes from a perfectly baked cookie,
I watch it with her.
a rainbow or the texture of bread dough under my
I’m not going to get preachy about electronics, but
hands. Together, the three of us are on a journey to
there are times when I put away my phone and shut
discover what brings us joy, and then bring more of it
down my computer and give my undivided attention to
into our lives. This means the cookie jar on my counter
my kids. And there are other times when my kids gather
is always full, my daughter wears sparkly leggings with
around my iPhone with me and we play Candy Crush
her winter coat and rain boots, and when my son brings
together.
his blanket to me to snuggle, we snuggle. Sometimes
I also encourage my kids to talk to me about what
it means falling asleep while watching cat videos, or
they are feeling. I want them to learn to identify their
baking a cake just because the sun is out. Other times
feelings. There have been a lot of changes, and some of
it means ignoring the mess around me, and expressing
64
joy at having such wonderful little humans in my life.
and crying parents. I want them to remember parks
As an anchor for the joy, we have a communal
and sunshine, the cat coming on road trips and Friday
Happy Jar. Every night, I write down what made us the
pizza movie night. So we go to parks, and build blanket
happiest that day and deposit the slip of paper in the
forts. I got them cheap cameras so they can document
Happy Jar. Every three months we dump out the slips
our adventures. And without fail, every Friday, we eat
of paper and read them together, replaying all of our
pizza and watch a movie together.
happy moments.
Create Amazing Memories
Things are messy and hectic, and my kids’ dad and I are still trying to figure all of this out. He is still involved in our lives. We see him almost every day. But we no
Even before the decision had been made to end it, I was
longer talk about “us.” The single most important thing
mourning the loss of my marriage. I had to release a
I’ve done is put a priority on truly connecting with my
future that I had dreamed of my whole life. I cried a lot.
kids during all of this. There are no guarantees with
Now that I’m past the mourning, I’m working hard to
parenting, whether married, divorced or otherwise, but
make sure my kids can remember these years fondly.
I am starting to feel like I’m getting it right.
I don’t want them to look back and remember fighting
65
New Paradigm
Advanced Care Planing The 3 D’s - Decide, Decision, Document! by Tina Ketchie Sterns
M
y grandmother said you were wealthy
way we want to. The end of life experience can be very
if you had your health. So true!
special, especially if you plan for it and do what I call the
Another truth about this beautiful
3D’s – Decide, Discuss and Document. Let your wishes
life is that one day, some day, we will
be known about your end of life care so you don’t have
all cross over the rainbow. Everyone
family members fighting over your bed about what to
knows April 15 is Tax Day, but did you know April 16 is
do should you be unable to speak for yourself. Key point
National Healthcare Decisions Day? I am sure you have
- do it NOW - while you are happy and healthy, long
heard the old adage, “The only two certainties in life are
before the crisis hits.
death and taxes”, so April 16 seemed the perfect day!
Not sure how to start? Here’s an idea – start with
No one likes to talk about dying, and some are afraid
describing your perfect last day on the planet. That is
if they talk about it, they are going to catch something
a fun, pie-in-the-sky thing. Here’s my perfect last day
and die! At a conference on advance care planning,
– Louis Armstrong is singing “It’s A Wonderful World”
one lady said she was the only person in the room that
in the background, the dog is on the bed, someone is
was never going to die. Everyone chuckled and when
baking a cobbler in the oven so I can smell it, I have a
asked what her secret was she said, “Oh, that’s not what
list of people I want to be sure are there, (I also have a
I think, but apparently that’s what my daughter thinks
list of a few people I want to be sure are NOT there),
because every time I try to talk to her about my end of
and I want someone holding my hand. I don’t care if
life wishes, she says, ‘Oh hush Mama, you’re not going
they have to do round the clock shifts, I want someone
to die!’”
holding my hand.
End of life care is something that is hard for us to
Now, after you describe your perfect last day on the
think about, but if anything were to happen to you, such
planet, then move on with something like, “OK folks, if a
as an accident or a serious illness, would your loved
Mack truck were to hit me, here’s what I want… Always
ones know your wishes? We plan for a vacation, we plan
do this.... don’t ever do that.... and if this happens do
for a wedding, and we plan for when the baby arrives.
this.... and if that happens do that....” You can’t describe
Well friends, not everyone is going to go on a vacation,
every scenario, but you can give them enough of an
get married or have a baby, but we are all going to die
idea of your wishes, so should the time come when you
one day. Let’s make sure we check out of this world the
cannot speak for yourself, they have a sense of peace
66
about the decisions they are making about your care.
have compassionate care and guidance during what
No guilt, no worries, no wringing of hands and arguing.
can be the most challenging and emotional time of
Everyone heard you and all are at peace with the
their lives. When advance care planning conversations
decisions they are making.
have occurred and everyone is clear about their loved
I am honored to be involved with one of the premier
ones’ wishes, the end of life experience can be a truly
hospices in my state and the wonderful staff doing the
beautiful thing. Everyone is able to enjoy spending
jobs they have a calling for, helping people at the end
time with their loved one while making a few more
of life make the most of every day they have left. The
memories in those final months that they will cherish
national hospice ribbon says, “It’s About How You LIVE.”
forever.of life experience can be a truly beautiful thing.
One doctor put it this way, “We are not helping people
Everyone is able to enjoy spending time with their loved
die, but rather we are helping people live until they die.”
one while making a few more memories in those final
It means so much for the patients and their families to
months that they will cherish forever.
67
Mates
Perfectionism will not Lead You to Love by Jonathon Aslay
L
yuck. But so many imperfections
glitch and the imperfection. If any
the
have nothing to do with any of that.
one of these women had just been
Perfectionist.I’ve seen
Most are minor yet become major
able to breathe, open up, take time,
it over and over again…
in women’s minds.
be patient and set aside the negative
ove
is
concept
an
abstract for
when you date with
Let me show you a few reasons
for a moment in order to feel into
the attitude that the man you’re
women have run from good yet
her date’s soul… she may have been
getting to know has to meet a list
flawed men.
able to discern a greater truth…
of criteria that no one could meet,
• “He chews too loudly.”
for the real truth lies within. And
you will never be able to make a love
• “He’s not over six feet tall, and
the truth may be that this flawed,
connection.It’s a sad thing, but if I
that’s what I want.”
imperfect man is perfect for the woman who’s afraid to see him as
had a dollar for every time a client
• “He’s only been divorced for a year
ran from a man who seemed to
(never mind that he’s done some
be a good guy (but of course had a
inner work and the marriage was
Give yourself some time, ignore
glitch or two). I could sail around
over long before the courts were
the loud chewing, the height, and
the world. And no matter what I tell
involved).
the fact that he’s a devoted son.
he truly is,
women I coach,it keeps happening.
• “He bought me lilies and not roses”
Look at the man behind the scenes.
Here’s the thing. We are all
or “He didn’t spend enough on
As in the “Wizard of Oz,” draw
me for Valentine’s Day.”
back the curtain and see what’s on
imperfect. We all have our past baggage, our hopes, fears,turnoffs,
• “He lives with his mother (who
the other side. If I’ve learned one
and deal breakers. As humans, our
needs him for a month after
major lesson when it comes to love,
desire to connect with another is
surgery).”
it is that true happiness happens
very strong, which is why many
I believe these women were
in the space of seeing beyond
seek relationship… and yet we all
reacting from a place of fear and
the perceived imperfection. Stay
come to the table with our “stuff.”
rejecting these men for no reason.
passionately detached and look for
Now there is stuff we can live with
Every single one of these women
the truth, not what you assume to
and stuff we can’t. I will never
had only been seeing the guy for a
be true.
suggest that anyone lives with stuff
few weeks, too little time to really
like addiction, abuse, or just plain
get to know the man behind the
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SOS
Body Image by Mary E. Pritchard, Ph.D, HHC
Question My daughter is a perfectionist and I worry about later problems such as eating disorders. She is only 8 and she worries about having to be perfect in school and in her gymnastics program. I have in the past had issues... my father told me when I was young that if I did not stay thin no one would marry me or love me. So I myself have some pretty twisted views of my own body image. I know I am not fat, but I still see myself as big. I would not say I have a disorder. I eat a lot and do not restrict myself. But I wonder if some of it is genetic. I am also very hard on myself and a perfectionist which seems to go along with eating problems. So I just worry about this passing on to my daughter. I DO NOT talk about any of my selfdissatisfactions with her. I do not say “Mommy is wearing her fat-jeans today,” or make any other harmful comments. But I still wonder if she gets it from me.
Answer First of all, stop feeling guilty. No parent is perfect
of the presence of your daughter) than with what you
and overthinking the issue is not going to help. I think
are saying in front of her. I think we can all agree that
it’s great that you are being so careful about what you
positive self-talk is important for our daughters. But
say around your daughter, but you also need to be
what about for ourselves? I urge you to stand in front
concerned about what you do. A friend of mine once
of the mirror and give yourself a little positive self-talk.
asked me, “So telling my daughter that weight doesn’t
The best way we can be a positive role model for our
matter while she sees me berating myself as I weigh
children is to be a positive role model for our children.
myself every morning probably isn’t good parenting,
In this case, actions do speak louder than words. And
right?” Bingo.
those actions start with you. Kids are smart. Even if you
Regardless of what she said, the very act of weighing
don’t criticize yourself in front of her, I bet she knows
herself every day gave her daughter the message that
just how you feel about yourself. If you are worried
weight is important - so important that it must be
about your perfectionism, especially about your views
monitored on a daily basis. And what kind of message
on your body and eating, the best thing you can do for
is that sending?
your daughter is to start being kinder to yourself. If
Bottom line: Yes, there is some evidence that
she sees that you make mistakes and are okay with it,
perfectionism is genetic. However, I am more concerned
that goes a long way – much further than saying “That’s
about what you are saying to yourself (even outside
okay…” to her when she knows you don’t really mean it.
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SOS Question When you gain some weight that you are not thrilled with, should you or should you not throw out your ill-fitting clothes? In my case, it’s a lot of clothing I really like, and a lot of expense. I’m hoping that when I have a more active lifestyle again I’ll get to wear them. Am I approaching this incorrectly?
Answer It depends on how likely it is that in the next 3 to 6
and getting back down to your old clothes would mean
months those clothes will fit again without a lot of effort
starving yourself, then toss the clothes. The rationale?
on your part. In other words, if you know you always
More often than not those “skinny jeans” serve to make
gain a few pounds over the holiday season but always
us feel bad about ourselves rather than motivate us to
lose those few pounds as winter turns to spring, keep
lose weight in a healthy, sustainable way.
the clothes. If, however, this is unexpected weight gain
YOUR SOUL IS WAITING Love susanjacobi.com 70
Discover
Nurture
Love Addiction by Karen M. Anderson
Question I have been told by my friends that I have a Love Addiction. I have had four different relationships in the last two years. It seems like we get to a point in the dating and things just start to fall apart. I do my best to be what the person wants me to be so I don’t understand why that happens. I’m looking for what we are all looking for. For what the Hollywood movies suggest is the ultimate romance, I’m looking for a confident self-assured person that completes me. My question is, is love addiction even real and how do I attract the one who completes me?
Answer While Love Addiction certainly isn’t a true clinical
□ Do you have a fear of being left by your partner to
diagnosis, there are a cluster of behaviors that bring
the point where you will do “anything” for them
about the use of the expression. Take a look and see if
(him or her ) not to leave you?
you see yourself in some of these behaviors:
□ Do you assign a disproportionate amount of time and attention to the value you have (substitute” have” for” attach”) to the other person?
□ When you are not in a relationship is most of your time and attention spent on figuring out how to be in one? These are some of the telltale signs of “Love
□ When you are in a relationship do you almost
Addiction,” that you may want to pay attention to if they
completely focus on the other person? Meaning do
show up in your behavior when you are in a relationship.
you obsessively think about, want to be with, touch,
That famous line in the movie Jerry Maguire:
talk to, listen to your partner? Do you do anything
“You complete me,” while great in the movies, in real
and everything you can to be cared for and treasured
life, would be the time to close the door. The longing
by your partner?
for some aspect of another to fill you up, change you,
□ When in a relationship do you cut down on your time spent valuing and caring for yourself?
□ Do you expect your partner to always be in tune and alignment with you?
complete you, or that you could do that for them, will never be true. That kind of movie line sells tickets but when it occurs in your own life, you may be entering an enmeshed relationship. A dynamic gets set up where 71
SOS one or both of you doesn’t have a firm sense of self or
going to be able to fake. This is the feeling that arises
strong boundaries. You simply can’t use another person
in someone when they know their Divine inheritance,
to fill you up or to complete you. What you can do
they know their value. They have done the work to move
though is get deeply centered in your own sense of self,
on from experiences, assimilate the messages of their
get deeply connected to the highest vibration of who
true value and purge those that are not supportive.
you truly are. You can allow those delicious, beautiful,
This is confidence. This is sexy. This is alluring. This is
tingly feelings to percolate up inside of you and bubble
authentic.
over for all to experience. However, the first recipient to experience those feelings will be YOU.
Instead of longing for the perfect person who will complete you, my wish for you is that you complete yourself. The best part of this process is that you will
“... get deeply centered in your own sense of self, get deeply connected to the highest vibration...”
discover you are already fully complete. Do all that is necessary to bring yourself into the highest version of who you are. Clear out the cobwebs, bad experiences, negative images and thoughts of who you think you are and step into your power, your greatness and your truth.
When you allow the inherent nature of who you truly
Now from this place seek a spiritually conscious union.
are to rise up and be experienced you will be magnetic.
These are two spiritual beings walking through life
This is that “je ne sais quoi,” the French expression
as fellow travelers. They assist one another to realize
for the inexplicable. This is the magnetism that draws
their individual and combined dreams while staying in
people close to you like a moth to a flame. There is a
alignment with the highest version of themselves. This
difference in what members of the opposite sex find
of course does not mean that there won’t be twists and
attractive. If you ask a confident self-assured man what
turns along the way but when they occur they will be
is attractive he will most likely tell you a confident and
handled with love, with respect and with compassion.
self-assured woman. This is not something you are
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Relationship Rescue by Angela Gower-Johnsom
Question How do I know when a relationship changes from one particular “type” to another? What are the signs to offer more of yourself without creating a “block” in the other person? ~ LJH - Facebook
Answer Thank you so much for your question! I’d like to make
feet? Are the lights on? What can you feel, see, hear and
you aware that you are the “Director of Your Life.”
smell? In front of you are the seats, but there is a special
You get to choose what role/character you play in ALL
chair there. Maybe it looks like a typical Director’s Chair,
relationships and you get to create the story around
made of wood and canvas. Maybe it has your name or
your relationships. Your question indicates that part
initials stenciled on it.
of your story is that you don’t know how to behave so
You will know it’s your chair because you will feel or
people you’re interested in don’t “block” you. You also
see something that lets you know. It will be different, in
state that you know you aren’t always being “yourself,”
a good way. Now start walking to your Director’s Chair.
which isn’t congruent with how you actually feel toward
With each step breathe in the knowing that you really
the person you’re wanting to get to know.
are the Director of Your Life. As you exhale, release
What if you could acknowledge that you are the
everything that used to hold you back. When you get
Director? That you get to choose the story line? At the
to your Director’s Chair sit down and breathe in the
moment, your story is that you are too “forward,” which
connection to the Universe. Tap into your personal
creates a block to getting to know the person you’re
power. Embrace the contribution, support and
interested in. I urge you to put that story behind you.
adoration the Universe has for you.
Create a new story, a story where things play out in a way that feels good to you.
Now look on stage and see the character you have been playing in relationships. See yourself on the
Imagine you are on a stage. Maybe it’s one of those
stage and look at the story, look at the scripts that you
older stages that has wood planked floors. Can you
have been reading and the role that you have become
feel the atmosphere of being on stage? Can you smell
accustomed to. Change the story line now. Change
anything? What if you could feel the wood beneath your
the scripts. Change the role you’ve been playing. 73
SOS Harnessing the energy and magic of the Universe from
Make sure you are looking at the “not knowing how
your Director’s chair, you can make these changes now.
to be with certain people.” If you know how to connect
If you require extra support, you can shine the light
with animals, then you know how to connect with
of the Universe on the “you” on stage. And know that
humans. Also, your story has been that you don’t always
any script, story or role that is not in alignment with
know. What if you change that story to: “I do always
your Greatness will be turned into a glittery dust. You
know how much to offer and share.”? You get to choose
can ask your Universal Managers, the beings that the
who you are in life. Start practicing being the Director
Universe has assigned to work with you and for you,
of Your Life. You get to be YOU! You get to be congruent,
to rewrite all the stories, scripts, characters and roles.
and direct how the story plays out. Remember that you
They will automatically be a vibrational match to your
are adored, that you are valuable and that you are able
Greatness and to the Light of the Universe.
to make the changes you have been asking.
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