ISSUE 2 JUNE-JULY 2015
YOUR
HEALTHY
BODY AND
ORGASMS
ACTRESS
LOTTE
VERBEEK
VORTEX
PHOTOS BY GISELE LUBSEN
GAL PHOTOGRAPHY
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&
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Ultra Versatile Designer Clothing
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for Powerful Awakening Women of all shapes and sizes
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Table of Contents
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30
38
68
On the Cover Actress Lotte Verbeek Photographed by Gisele Lubsen
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Body Beach bodies and body balance
20
Fashion 2015 Summer Hats
23
Alluring Foot scrub recipe, Perverbial Clock, Fun in the Sun, Going Commando
30
Dish Spring rolls with ginger peanut sauce, and wild berry ice cream
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Food for Thought Chocolate revolution, Self compassion, and aiming and embracing the process
38
Intl. Women Beauty is Dignity: Zapatista Women’s Stories
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Love In the name of love, Beauty of grace and ease, and Hierarchy of selfishness
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61 Sacred Space How your home feels, Feng shui mirror, and Glorification of busyness
68 Editorial Q&A with actress Lotte Verbeek & photographer Gisele Lubsen
76 New Paradigm Positive thinking, Have what you really want, Baby boomers, Happy B-day, and more.....
90 No Briefcases Brand G-spot, and a Seat at the table
94 Source DNA and your Akashic records
96 Bellascope See what’s in your stars!
98 SOS Q&A on bodies, Relationships, and Orgasms
101 All Bella Spotlight, Bella people, Sponsors...
Me Ignite your libido, Healthy happy vagina, Embodiment, Passion, and Go Commando
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The mission is to change the lives of every person open to discovering their soul’s purpose and living a life they didn’t know was possible for them on an individual level. At BellaMia, we believe every woman is beautiful. EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Mia Saenz ART DIRECTOR Charlene Maguire ASSISTANT EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Amanda Rhymers EDITOR Laurence Yhuello COVER DIRECTOR Charlene Maguire INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DIRECTOR Rebecka Eggers BODY IMAGE DIRECTOR Dr. Mary Pritchard LIFESTYLE DIRECTOR Sharon Otness FASHION EDITOR Linnea Duvall SOCIAL MEDIA Alex Ong BEAUTIFUL ME TEAM Mia Saenz, Dr. Mary Pritchard, Laurence Yhuello, Rebecka Eggers, Amanda Rhymers, Charlene Maguire This publication is published quarterly. For advertising, please contact BellaMia Magazine at bellamiamagazine@gmail.com BellaMia is a publication of BellaMia Inc. BellaMiaMagazine.com • BellaMiaMagazine@gmail.com
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Editor in Chief Letter
Hello BellaMia Readers,
his month’s issue is a powerhouse! We are excited to feature Actress, Lotte Verbeek on the cover and inside the editorial in a beautiful layout called, “Vortex” covering underwater photography. It is the concept and creation of underwater photographer, Gisele Lubsen of GAL Photography. We are thrilled to have both of these individually talented women grace our magazine. The conversation of “Feminine Wellness” came through spontaneously, with the subject of the female orgasm. It is intriguing how the Universe provides the information that is needed. This topic was not written to be provocative, but informative, to share the importance of feminine muscular health - to keep us young internally. Inside this edition of BellaMia, not only will you find the current summer fashion details on hats, summertime recipes, and fun in the sun, we are pleased to announce two new sections! “International Women” will introduce you to different cultural and subcultural matters, and “Source” which will touch on different experiences of spirituality. This is intended to be a bridge for us all, as we are all unique, yet still the same. Don’t miss our August/September issue! We will be unveiling the “Beautiful Me” campaign, which supports all women with their self love and body image concerns. Keep your eyes open for #BeautifulMe, scheduled to arrive in our next release of BellaMia Magazine. If you have not signed up to follow BellaMia Magazine at www.bellamiamag.com, please do so. We are moving to a new web address. We have been working around the clock to better serve you, and we don’t want you to miss a beat. With much love and gratitude,
Mia Saenz Editor in Chief
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Body
The Ultimate Beach Body What’s The Truth? Victoria Wynn h spring. We love you and we loathe you. You are a reminder of growth, love, tulips and just how flabby our thighs are. The pressures of magazine covers could challenge even the most confident women. This week on Facebook I shared thoughts of my own body image challenges and how and why we women dress the way we do. My style of life coaching is less about coaching and more about inspiring the investigation of one’s thoughts as you’ll see in my post: I’ve been asked (by men) why are you wearing “that” to the beach pointing at my cute but “non-stringy” bottoms and modest tankini top swimsuit.
Back then I thought it might be because I was shy. And
…because they tell us to. Is it really your concern what
that could’ve been part of it. But since my big “kick in the
others think about your body? We’ve been lied to all our
behind” workout journey, my standards haven’t changed
lives and because of it, we feel compelled to spend the
a bit despite a 30 lb. weight loss. I’m reminded that I’ve
money it takes to fix our “blemishes”. But what if our days
always had a goal to have my personality be the first
weren’t wrapped up in self doubt? What might your day be
attractor of people. I truly want others to feel my love when
like if that energy were poured into thoughts like helping a
I meet them and most likely my sassy humor will be quick
stranger, connecting with a friend or simply soaking in the
to follow.
tub with thoughts of gratitude?
Beach season is coming up and all of my new swim suits
2. Fighting genetics is a losing battle. I’ve been taking a
are suitable for my 15 year old daughters to wear. Size 4 or
new class called Qoya. It’s a beautiful mixture of dance,
size 12, makes no difference to my standards. This is my
meditation and yoga. Not only has attending been a fun
personal stand. I simply think it’s wise to be mindful of
journey of self love, but when you’re in a class solely of
WHY we dress a particular way rather than a judgment on
woman, one can’t help but notice their bodies. Each is so
HOW we dress. Feeling beautiful inside? Perfect. Gives you
unique. Small calves, wide hips, small chests… You name
a spring in your step? So sweet. Hoping to get attention to
it. It’s there. It like my sweetheart said to me today, “you
feel loved? Perhaps consider that you’re beautiful whether
don’t need to be embarrassed by nature.” I’ve been coming
he stares you up and down or not.”
to peace with the idea that no matter how fit we might be,
That post catapulted my thoughts into other questions,
we all have a unique set of DNA, and it’s okay!
“why do we hunger for external validation and what if we
3. We are an example to our kids. They sense when mom
didn’t anymore? How might we live differently?”
loves the skin she’s in. What are we teaching our girls
Here are 4 reasons your body isn’t a problem on the beach:
1. We live in a culture where we worry what others think 14 BellaMia June 2015
through our negative self talk and what are we teaching our boys about accepting all bodies and seeking to get to know a girl for her character? And lastly, # 4 You aren’t
living your life for anyone else. I learned this truth after
and pools and practice your self confidence. Maybe that
a devastating divorce where I came out of the aftermath
means wearing a full piece suit with a skirt but for you,
feeling excited at the thought of my second chance at life!
just showing up is a triumph. Maybe it’s a bikini despite
I became aware of just how often I decorated my house
stretch marks or a post baby belly. Whatever it is for you,
for my friend’s acceptance, how I drove a certain car just
make this summer different than all the rest.
to turn heads and my exercise routine was often about impressing others. I am now full of life. My life! You are enough without proving a thing. I was the one in shorts sitting on the sidelines at the beach. Remember
Victoria Wynn Life Design Coach, mother of 5, mild cheesecake addict Founder of The Lies I Tell Myself Project
www.TheLiesITellMyself.com
ladies, practice makes perfect. Get to those lakes, beaches
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Body
Four Quick Ways to Bring Your BODY Back into Balance Andrea Allen e hear it all the time, the importance
honest expression. By simply standing firming firm in one
of keeping the mind, body and spirit
place, pulling our shoulders back and lifting our sternum,
in balance. As a yoga instructor, I repeatedly emphasize that each area is a pillar and without equal attention we will not be able live in a place of peace and joy.
we can adjust our bodies back into alignment and expose our hearts to joy and love. Stand up straight with the feet firmly grounded and your legs muscles engaged. Clasp your hand behind your back
When we feel our body isn’t doing its part, how can we
allowing the shoulder blades to move across the back
quickly put our BODY back in balance to make sure we
of your body naturally allowing your sternum to lift and
don’t mess up the ZEN triad?
your chest to expand. Take 10 deep breathes breaths and
There are an unlimited number of answers to this simple question. Often we don’t know where to start and even more often
slowly release your hands, to reveal a feeling of physical alignment and love. Fold Forward and Let it All Go
we feel as if we need to make huge commitments to make
Stress and worry often fill out our minds, and cause
a difference, like going to a 90 min. hot yoga class 5 days a
physical manifestations in our bodies. One of my favorite
week.
poses to bring the body back in balance is to do a forward
The truth is you can create powerful shifts in minutes. Here are four of my favorite simple actions I use to create an immediate body recalibration so the mind and spirit aren’t missing out.
bend, and just let it hang down. That’s right, physically let it go! This action of bending into a forward fold slowly releases tension in the back of the hamstrings, the belly and the entire back of your body including your neck. When you are upside down, your facial muscles stop
Four Quick Ways to Bring your BODY back in balance so
holding and the blood rushes to the your heart and the
you can optimize the Body, Mind and Spirit Matrix.
your head, leaving you invigorated and the your nervous
Stand Strong and Open Your Heart In our bodies we spend most of the day with our shoulders rolled forward typing, driving, sitting and even standing in a slouched position. These daily repetitive actions not only move our body out of physical alignment they often results result in back pain, neck pains and poor posture. They also manifest a physical expression of protecting our hearts and closing ourselves off to vulnerability and open 16 BellaMia June 2015
system calmed. From a standing pose, hinge forward from the hips, emphasizing the lengthening of the your spine and micro bending your knees. Bring your fingertips, or your palms, to the floor, or alternatively cross your forearms, take a hold of your elbows and let your head hang. I like to swing back and forth! With every exhale release any tension in the body.
Wake Up and Connect to Your Core
Dance, Move and Enjoy the Moment
Often our bodies are out of balance because they
Life can often get too serious and our bodies literally
are sleeping. There is nothing like a powerful core
stiffen from the have to’s, and the to do’s, and the didn’t
strengthening posture to wake them UP! This way they
do’s. Our bodies are made to move, to flow and to express.
remember what it’s like to work, to feel the blood pumping
So loosen up! Nothing get’s my body into balance faster.
from the top of your head to your toes. A powerful 3 min. core posture, like the plank pose, will engage multiple muscle groups, bringing balance back into the entire body which will connect you more deeply to the core of who you are and what you want! Start on all fours and then bring your weight forward with your wrists under your shoulders. Extend your feet behind,
Turn on your favorite song. Turn up the volume. Feel the rhythm, feel the music and start to move with the beat. Allow your whole body to dance, to move and to enjoy the moment. Andrea Allen
www.inspireme2b.com
supporting yourself on your toes and hands. Hold your body in a straight, flat “plank” position for as long as you can. Repeat 3 times.
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19
Fashion
2015 Summer Hats Amanda Rhymers e
e savvy and
Strawberry Ice, Toasted Almond,
Whether you desire to feel sporty,
stay cool in
Scuba Blue, Marsala, Custard,
elegant, incognito or bohemian,
Passionate Red and Innocent
look great and be protected against
the heat this summer – shade yourself with
White. Colors and more colors,
by wearing SPF and UV protective
some swanky
please! We love them all!
clothing. Ultimately the ideal summer
headgear. The styles this season will include your favorite team snapbacks, panamas, fedoras, straw cloches, bucket hats, and beautiful broad-brimmed floppies. We will be seeing a variety of cool shades, pastels and neutrals such as, Lucite Green, Tangerine,
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burning and irreversible sun damage
Aside from this season’s up and coming hat styles and hues, skin protection and awareness is a
hat will shield your eyes and skin from the sun’s harmful radiation, and add bit flare to your style.
must-have summer essential. Skin
For more information about
cancer is a timeless issue, and while
awareness and prevention, visit The
information has been made available
Skin Cancer Foundation @ www.
to us since the 70’s, it has yet to
skincancer.org
become a priority to everyone.
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Peppermint and Thyme Cooling Foot Scrub Sharon Otness 1.1/2 cups sea salt (may use part coarse salt like I did) ½ cup oil (almond, grapeseed, olive oil, etc) 4-5 drops peppermint essential oil (I use DoTerra) 1 tsp dried thyme Place the sea salt in a mixing bowl. Add oil of choice and mix well, making sure there are no clumps. Then drop in essential oil and add thyme. Mix well. Place in glass jar. I love recipes that add value in more than one way. This sea salt scrub is exfoliating to get your feet sandal ready and the peppermint adds cooling relief on a warm day.
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Alluring
Perverbial Clock Renee Lynn hile we can’t stop the proverbial clock (though we’re often searching for the pause button), there are many ways to maybe help slow things down, and ease through the process with not only younger looking skin, but a happier mind, and calmer outlook on life. As we get older our minds and bodies change in many ways, but you don’t need to fight aging like it’s an enemy. We are all at choice....EVERYTHING we do is either to “Regenerate” or “Degenerate “So, with that being said...
Here are 3 of my favorite at home age reversing remedies. Radiant Glow, freeze an organic lemon. Zest the entire lemon and put in a freezable container. Take one tablespoon of the zest add 2 drops hydrogen peroxide. This acts as a combination mask and scrub. Scrub face for one minute and leave on as a mask for 10. So so smooth! Radiant Health, one teaspoon Manuka honey in distilled water, either hot or cold, add fresh squeezed organic lemon. This has so many antioxidant properties along with a brilliant boost of energy!
Diet cola? or Fresh juiced kale lemon and ginger? I know...
Radiant smooth skin, apply Braggs Apple cider vinegar as
I know...you say to yourself! Yet, knowing and DOING are
a toner with ONLY organic cotton. This balances the PH
VERY different.
of the skin and believe it or not is VEY hydrating. It also is
As an AGE- INTERVENTIONIST I encourage people to
amazing for lightning dark spots.
pause before consuming anything and ask themselves” Is
Look in the mirror and tell yourself how amazing you
this good for me?” if not just DO NOT put it in your mouth.
are and continue to be your own best friend. As your self
It’s really quite simple, clean eating, toxin free products on
esteem builds you will radiate beauty from the inside out.
our skin, body , and hair.
It is a process that pays great dividends.
We are all looking for that quick fix. Botox ..fillers..surgery,
Renee Lynn
and yet somehow we are STILL searching. STOP. Look
www.ageinterventionalist.com
inside, love yourself...nourish your soul, mind, and body.
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Alluring
You Only Get 7 Seconds Linnea Duvall ou only get 7 seconds…that’s right, seven seconds!! Count with me while you read, 1001, 1002, 1003, 1004, 1005, 1006, 1007. There. That’s it. That’s the time you have to make a first impression. (And by the way, that is also the time you give someone else!) With that said…7 seconds…are you clear about the image you want to present? Are you clear about what message, what image you want to send about yourself in those 7 seconds? Because harsh as it may seem, here we all are. That is the time we get…AND the time we give! And it is fully in our power to “own” those 7 seconds, and use them to our best advantage, our best presentation, our best image of ourselves.
How do you go about creating that image? You craft it,
THEN we have to go to a deeper inner conversation, which
from the inside out. When I was a Merchandising Editor at
is all about feeling worthy of presenting that image! Do
Glamour Magazine, I helped create and present Self Image
you feel allowed and empowered to give yourself the best
Workshops. These workshops were all about supporting
appearance and best advantage possible? Yes? Fabulous!!
the attendees to discover and present their best image.
Or are you already convinced it’s either impossible, or
And one of my first instructions to them, and now to you,
just too much trouble, because…you are not good enough,
is this: Be clear about what image you want to present. I
smart enough, pretty enough, tall enough, short enough,
said then, and as holds true now; “If you aim at nothing,
thin enough, shapely enough, ENOUGH enough. And you
you’ll hit it every time”.
keep that “not enough” message deeply entrenched in your
So let’s begin by talking about WHAT to aim at. That starts with an inner conversation with you. What message about both your style and your inner substance do you most want
psyche with daily, actually, minute by minute, negative, non-empowering self-talk that reinforces your doubt and your apathy.
to present about yourself to the world? Because your outer
I am going to again reference a phrase I coined at Glamour
image is truly, simply, your inner image that you have of
Magazine, and still use today. If someone is just naturally
yourself, (or are working to have!), presented to the world,
pretty, well, “that is a lucky accident of birth, they just
to be read in those 7 seconds! And being clear about the
came out that way”, and not everyone is born pretty or
outer image you present, your physical presentation, helps
handsome! But everyone can be attractive!!” And that is
strengthen your inner image, and vice versa!! You know
most what our presentation image is about: attracting
the phrase, “Fake it till til you make it”. Let your outer
what attention we want, and from whom! So please,
image be part of the, I prefer, “Creating it till til it’s real”!
please, do the work to set aside the, “I am not enough”
Let your clothes and accessories and hair and makeup do
damaging self-talk messages you speak to yourself, and
some of the work to create the outer and inner image you
begin to focus on what you most want to present about
want for yourself!
yourself, and to whom do you most want to present that?
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Be clear about your message, and be clear about your
in those 7 seconds and then choosing what I would wear to
audience! What message, when? And tell yourself first, and
best convey that message.
foremost, and on a consistent basis. Shift your self-talk. Redirect your brain search to find positive things to say about yourself!!
You can do the same. And it does not take a huge closet full of clothes! As a matter of fact, when you are clear what message you want to send, and how best to use your
I’ll give a recent personal example of “what message” to
outer image to present your inner strength, you can hone
“what audience”. I spoke to a group of parents at a high
your closet (and your shopping), down to only clothes
school about Parenting Teens. And then I spoke to a group
that support that image, from your casual clothes, to
of teens at a high school about how to follow your dream to
your business clothes, to your evening clothes. All your
create the life you want.
clothing should reflect that image you are aiming at. So,
Do you think I wore the same clothing and accessories to each event? No! But I was clear about the message I wanted to present about myself: that I was intelligent, competent, and trustworthy. And I wanted to convey that message in those 7 seconds to each of those audiences. But I wore a much more conservative and understated ensemble to speak to the parents than I wore to speak with the kids. ( Just as I wore a much different wardrobe when I worked at Vogue than when I worked at Glamour!). And it worked! Each audience was receptive to my presentation, both my physical presentation, and my information. And yes, I was nervous to get up and speak at both those events, (I’m still always nervous!). But I surely knew that the initial impression I was making would pave the road to each audience giving me credibility, and making me more at ease to present. I gave myself the simple but powerful gift of being clear about what message I wanted to present
give yourself full invitation and permission to think clearly about what message you most want to send; intelligent, competent, hardworking, creative, playful, approachable, sporty, elegant, classic… and then you have something to aim for, and something you can absolutely, successfully attain, for the strengthening of your whole Self! Make clothing and accessories a tool…a fun tool to best present who you really are. Goodness knows we spend money and time on our outer appearance! Let’s use that time and money to support and present our best inner Self in a way that builds our confidence and leaves a lasting and terrific first impression. Because we only get one first impression and we only get, and give, 7 seconds. Linnea M. Duvall Marriage Family Therapist/Self Image Coach (310) 452-5392
lmduvall@yahoo.com
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Alluring
Fashion Fun In The Sun Sometimes Means Going Commando... So Long Thongs! Tina Ketchie Stearns
am thrilled to be a part of BellaMia because everything about this magazine speaks to me. Their motto: “Every Woman is Beautiful” and their Mission: “To change the lives of every person open to discovering their soul’s purpose and living a life they didn’t know was possible for them on an individual level”, both speak right to my heart. I am excited to share some fun fashion tips for the 2015 Summer season that will help you feel beautiful, sexy and confident, some of which involve the uniquely sexy feeling you can get when going commando!
Here are some of the hot fashion trends for Summer 2015… Midriff-baring crop tops- Yes, that trend from the ‘80s has made a comeback. And along with it, giving us yet another reason to hit the gym or lace up those running shoes. Keep your workouts fun so you don’t get bored and if all you are into is walking, great! If you are not comfortable with this
Transparent Peek-A-Boo- Did you notice during this past Red Carpet award season all the lightweight and super delicate transparent pieces? Enjoy summer’s warm weather looking perfectly cool and breezy with your own sexy peek-a-boo piece that covers the right spots here and there - you will surely turn some heads!
fashion trend, SKIP IT! Remember, we are ALL beautiful
Comfortable shoes- Yay! I love a sexy pair of heels as much
exactly as we are!
as the next girl, but honestly, I was thrilled that this season
Head to toe white- Nothing makes a statement like wearing a solid color, and for Summer 2015 that color is white. A new twist to pastels- Pastels are back but now paired with bright colors, such as sunshine yellow or eye-popping tangerine in some amazing watercolor prints.
welcomes more comfortable shoes with flatter heels including sandals, ballet flats and even sneakers. Going Commando- No, this isn’t a fashion trend, but it is a great way to feel beautiful, sexy and the master of your universe. I founded Go Free Pants, and just like BellaMia, we are all about every woman feeling beautiful and sexy
Romantic Lace- The delicate laser-cut detail in this
at any age. Go Free pants, designed especially for women,
season’s lace pieces including blouses, dresses, skirts and
contributes to that goal in a fun, flirty way because we
light toppers are so super feminine, you will feel beautiful
are all about comfort, feeling sexy and solving the panty
and ALL GIRL for sure!
line issue once and for all. So long thongs! The patent-
School Girl- The strict schoolish accents you will see in the stores are charming, especially when accented with a cute retro hat or a bold colored blouse paired with the traditional white and black uniform look. 26 BellaMia June 2015
pending design replaces the irritating cross seam in the crotch of traditional pants with a smooth, cotton panel which means you don’t have to wear underwear. Did you know that going without underwear is actually a healthier
choice for women? So say good-bye to those annoying
a nice glass of wine at the end of a long day with girlfriends
panty lines and uncomfortable thongs, and say hello to that
can also go a long way toward self care. When you take
sexy feeling that comes from whispering to your man, “I’m
care of yourself, it will reflect in the sparkle in your eye and
not wearing any underwear.” Sit back and enjoy the huge
the rosy hue in your cheeks, and it will say to the world, “I
smile that takes over his face!
feel beautiful – Je me sens belle!”
In addition to these fashion tips, there are many ways to
More fashion tips in the next issue of BellaMia. Until then,
feel beautiful, sexy and confident this summer. Feeling fit
enjoy the freedom to feel beautiful at any age and shape –
and healthy can be a huge boost to your confidence. And
because YOU ARE!
you don’t have to be a size 2 to feel healthy. Eating oneingredient foods as often as possible and trying to exercise for 30 minutes, even if it is just a walk around the block, is
Tina Ketchie Stearns
www.gofreepants.com
a great daily routine to feel your best. Treating yourself to a hot soak in the tub, a massage, a mani-pedi, or enjoying
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29
Dish
Spring Rolls with Ginger Peanut Sauce Sharon Otness Make Peanut Sauce: 1/4 cup creamy organic peanut butter 3 T. water 1/2 tsp. grated ginger 1 T. Tamari or Bragg’s Aminos 1 T. Rice Vinegar 1 tsp. Srirachi Sauce Put all ingredients in blender and blend. Set aside. Asian Veggie Filling: Use an assortment of the following: diced radishes, spring onions, mung bean sprouts, sliced red pepper, cucumber, julienned carrot, zucchini noodles, julienned or spiralized, etc. Optional cooked quinoa, shredded chicken or shrimp Fresh cilantro and mint. Wrap: Use rice wrappers (usually found in the Asian section) Dip dry wrap briefly in warm water. Place on plate and add a selection of the fresh ingredients on top. Gently wrap around the veggies like a tortilla. Better to make several small wraps than to over fill. Dip in the ginger peanut sauce and enjoy! 30 BellaMia June 2015
Wild Berry Ice Cream (non-dairy) Sharon Otness This delicious frozen dessert is creamy like ice cream and only has two ingredients! 1-1/2 frozen bananas 1 cup mixed frozen berries Add to a high powered blender or food processor and mix until well combined and it creates the consistency of soft ice cream. You can eat this immediately or if I have the time I like to put it back into the freezer and let it set a bit firmer and then serve. This is delicious as is-almost more of a sorbet, or drizzled with some nut butter and topped with dark chocolate chunks.
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Food for Thought
A Chocolate Revolution By Amanda Rose Baker hocolate is a superfood. The deep
In fact, magnesium serves many important functions in
inner craving we experience for
the human body. Raw chocolate is very high in magnesium,
chocolate must be fulfilled, for through its fulfillment, we consume one of the healthiest foods on the planet.
so making it part of your diet can greatly influence your health. Magnesium deficiency is common in America today, due to soil depletion and the modern diet. Inadequate
However, it is crucial to outwit the mentality that markets
magnesium reduces serotonin levels in the body. Serotonin
over-processed, over-heated, chocolate-liquor, combined
relaxes the nervous system and lifts your mood – hence the
with low-quality white sugar. This is a perverted form of
feel-good element of chocolate. Magnesium contributes
the original, perfect substance. Eating today’s common
to the strength and density of bones and teeth. There are
chocolate leaves us unsatisfied. It also contributes to
numerous health studies demonstrating that magnesium
systemic candida overgrowth – an abundance of yeast in
actually activates the heart muscles, as well as regulating
the body that wreaks havoc on many levels. We deserve
its rhythm. It supports the contraction-relaxation
more.
pumping action of the heart.
And we can have it. Awareness is the first key. Looking
No wonder chocolate is considered a gift of love and
at the history of chocolate, we see that its roots are in
romance. When we eat it, we feel our hearts open
Central America. New archeological evidence reveals that
and relax. In Ayurvedic thought, the primary seat of
Mesoamericans served beverages made from cacao (the
consciousness is in the heart. Therefore, it is reasonable to
pure form of chocolate) at important events before 1000
say that chocolate elevates consciousness itself. However,
B.C. In fact, cacao seeds served as currency in ancient
it is vital to eat only the raw form of this superfood.
Mesoamerica. There were no Ben Franklins in their society, just the seeds of chocolate.
Most health food stores carry a cacao product, they are also available online. Look for certified organic, raw
In the sixteenth century, Spaniards invaded what is now
cacao powder. It is quite easy to add this powder to your
Mexico and learned of chocolate from the Aztecs. The
smoothie, or to make it into your own delectable goodies.
knowledge was brought up to North America, and when we
There is no need to heat the cacao, it is perfect as is.
fast-forward to today, we see chocolate readily available at
Add pure, organic vanilla to your chocolate. Vanilla goes
any corner store. But, these products have been processed
hand-in-hand with cacao; there are ancient myths that the
in such a way that the true value and intrinsic health
two are lovers, with cacao being the male, and vanilla the
benefits have been lost.
female. To sweeten, try maple syrup – not the processed
Chocolate beans grow on a tree that thrives in tropical environments, called the Cacao tree. Cacao trees produce a fruit, and within this fruit we find beans that resemble the coffee bean. Cacao beans are packed with minerals such as iron, calcium and magnesium, which are crucial for our health. 32 BellaMia June 2015
stuff, but the pure form. Coconut oil and coconut butter also complement the taste of raw cacao, and give it a creamy consistency. Contrary to the anti-fat diets that have been popular for years, giving your body enough of the right kinds of fat will actually keep your body fat down. The right kinds of fat nourish your hair, skin and breasts.
Don’t be shy about consuming coconut oil and coconut
Let’s start a chocolate revolution, in which cravings are
butter.
satisfied, and self-care takes the form of gifting yourself
Chocolate cravings are primal and extremely strong. Don’t deny yourself - just choose the right products. Your heart – and consciousness – will be more open and aligned with love. We all know that this world can use more love, wherever it can get it.
the romantic present that is chocolate. As we share the love – and the chocolate - with friends and family, we will change the world, one open heart at a time. Amanda Rose Baker
amandabakerayeartoheal.com
Chocolate Treats ½ cup raw cacao powder (Most health food stores sell this, or you can look online – just make sure the product you buy contains only one ingredient – certified organic, raw cacao) ½ cup coconut butter (Again, look for a product that contains only the one ingredient) ¼ cup coconut oil 2 tablespoons pure maple syrup (Not the processed stuff; look for pure syrup – the kind that comes right from the tree) 1 Tablespoon vanilla Warm the coconut butter on VERY low heat, stirring constantly. Turn off the heat. Add the other indredients, slowly stirring them in. Pour your mixture into little baking cups - the foil ones work well. Place cups a container with a lid or cover, and place in freezer for thirty minutes. Store in the fridge. It’s that easy!
33
Food for Thought
Self-Compassion and the Inner Critic Cori Rosenthal hristopher K. Germer, co-developer of the Mindful Self-Compassion
Emotional eating simply means soothing with food, which we learn in infancy. As we grow we learn other methods of
(MSC) program says, “A moment of self-
soothing but for some of us comfort foods remain the first
compassion can change your entire day.
choice. This behavior continues even when eating them is
A string of such moments can change the course of your life.” Imagine you are sitting in a restaurant and at the next table
counterproductive. In this group, the inner critic creates a self-defeating cycle of criticism, indulgence, and more criticism.
are two women. One woman says, “I feel fat today.” The
Kristin Neff Ph.D. is a professor at the University of
other responds by saying, “It’s no wonder, the way you
Texas, an internationally recognized researcher in self-
have been eating lately. Did you really need that piece of
compassion and author of the book Self-Compassion; The
bread with your salad? That dress you wanted to wear next
Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. Dr. Neff defines
weekend will never fit. You always blow it.”
self-compassion as incorporating self-kindness, common
What opinion would you form about the responding
humanity, and mindfulness.
woman? A few words that may come to mind are
Self-kindness is offering oneself warmth and
judgmental and cruel. Could you imagine speaking to a
understanding all the time, and particularly when faced
close friend who is suffering in that manner? Probably
with the inner critic. Common humanity recognizes
not. Then again, if the first woman were standing in front
that imperfection is part of the human condition. We
of a mirror and the second voice were her inner critic, it is
all experience struggle, make mistakes and suffer.
still judgmental and cruel, but for many of us it may also
Mindfulness allows us to be aware of our suffering without
be familiar.
judgment or exaggeration. Mindfulness allows us to
When it comes to weight and body image, many of us are plagued by a critical voice whispering messages of judgment, disappointment and failure. The goal of that critical voice is to keep us safe, hold us accountable and help us achieve our goals. The problem is not necessarily motive but strategy. In truth, if the inner critic were
recognize when that inner critic is speaking. Without mindfulness, we may be unaware we are suffering and engage in behaviors that may worsen suffering. Emotional eating and other self-soothing behaviors such as drinking, smoking and overworking are often born out of avoiding or denying our discomfort.
a manager at a company, he/she would be fired for
Imagine that same pair of women sitting at a table. The
ineffective results and poor morale. For emotional eaters,
first woman says, “I feel fat.” The second woman says, “I
the inner critic is so ineffective it encourages the very
can see how hard the struggle with weight has been for
behavior it is attempting to curtail.
you. I am sorry you are suffering, but you are not alone. Many people feel the way you do. What can I do to help?”
34 BellaMia June 2015
This is the voice of compassion, and if this conversation takes place in front of the mirror, it is the voice of selfcompassion. If you are ready to build a foundation of self-compassion, check out Dr. Neff’s website: www.self-compassion.
org. On the homepage, you can “Test your level of selfcompassion.” Under the “Practices” tab, you can find free meditations and exercises designed to build that self-compassion muscle (“Self-Compassion By Kristin Neff”, 2015). I came to this work because at one point I realized I was
website daily, and gradually my mornings improved. If you are not a meditator, the other exercises can be equally as effective. Just imagine how different our lives could be if we became our own compassionate friend. Elisha Goldstein, author of Uncovering Happiness says, “If all you did was put your hand on your heart and wish yourself well, it would be a moment well spent.” References: Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff. (2015). Retrieved from
http://self-compassion.org
waking up to the inner critic, critiquing everything I had done the day before. It was painful and frustrating because I was certain the voice had been there all along.
Cori Rosenthal
Cori@CoriRosenthal.com
Finally hearing it, I could observe it instead of simply beginning my day driven by it. I discovered and began practicing the self-compassion meditations on Dr. Neff’s
35
Food for Thought
Aim and Embrace the Process Kellie Valenti Japanese martial art of archery demonstrates a clear picture of what happens in life. Many great archery masters teach that aim, (placement of your feet, holding the bow, breathing, etc.) determines one’s end result. What if, instead of the focus being placed on the target or the finish line, we focused on the aim? The question is, “What do successful people do, that most people won’t?” This might surprise you:
Do you show up daily? Are you working through the
basis, they will respond by pointing out many symptoms
uneasiness, and do you embrace the daily practice, which
that seem unrelated.
is: focus, aim and commitment?
Since conventional medicine and alternative medicine
This ability to do the work when it’s not easy is what
are pitted against each other, we have more conflict,
separates successful people from those who struggle with
confusion, and less focus on “aim.”
it.
With healing as our focus, we can reduce the healing time.
Anyone can work hard and achieve much, when they feel
How then, can each of us embrace the process, and fall in
motivated and inspired.
love with the weariness and boredom in all areas of life?
It’s no different when we talk about our health, because
Ultimately, mentorship and focus guides us through
the reality is that while illness may appear as if it happens
Recovery, Freedom, Peace and Living Life!
quickly, the healing process could be a long one. This is where the idea of failure sets in.
Being in control of your emotions will guide your actions. How you choose to show up every day, work through
What if we could learn to switch our focus from illness,
the tedium, and embrace what you need to do daily, will
and such concerns, to falling in love with the process that
determine how you approach the journey.
brings us results in wellness? A great quote from James Clear goes like this, “The enemy of improvement is neither failure nor success. The enemy of improvement is a lack of commitment to the process because the process is everything.” When we look at our health, we can see the same patterns from the way we conduct our personal and business life. Here is an example: “Leaky Gut Syndrome” is a real condition. When I ask most people how they feel on a daily 36 BellaMia June 2015
Aim and Embrace the Process:
“Pursue one great decisive aim with force and determination.” - Carl von Clausewitz
The key to this successful result is to tap into your source
Always choose your aim, focus on your target, and trust the
of focus. and to Fully trust the process to keep you
process as well as yourself, and you will succeed.
motivated to your end result.
As you embark on this journey, remind yourself daily
Just as in Kyudo, Japanese Martial Arts Archery,
of how powerful and divine your source of life and love
contemplative schools teach this form as a meditation
truly is. This result will keep you motivated as you feel
in action. In certain schools, to aim correctly, will result
empowered and connected with self.
inevitably in hitting the desired target. This works the same on an action of creating good health, business and a love affair with life.
1 2
Choose your aim; what are you going to focus on?
Do your due diligence in your research.
This is not about luck, it is about “Aim and Embrace. Kellie Valenti
livelifeyearsyounger.com
3
Ask for guidance from seasoned professional coaches and healers.
4
Follow through with finding the smoothest path to the end result.
37
International Women
Beauty Is Dignity Rebecka Eggers
s I sink into Hilary Klein’s book, Compañeras:
Zapatista Women’s Stories,
I am immediately transported to another world. This world, as a matter of kilometers on a map is not far from where I am sitting right now. Geographically speaking, it is tucked away like so much hidden treasure in the mountains and the jungles that surround my hometown, San Cristóbal de las Casas, Chiapas, Mexico. It emanates from the lands reclaimed by the indigenous Zapatista National Liberation Army.
But this is not a story about geography. In fact, this world
these same camera lights often imposes a one dimensional
is not really a place at all. It is a reality that exists first and
view of women as objects of beauty and sexual desire. This
foremost in the collective embodiment of a people.
view becomes the lens through which society sees women
Those people are women. They are compañeras, loyal
and through which women see themselves.
fighters, organizers and architects of a movement and a
Yet somehow, the compañeras managed to take control of
zeitgeist known as Zapatismo. They are also rebel leaders
the cameras and the lenses. They became the architects of
and soldiers in what began more than 20 years ago as a war
their own vision, destinies, and perhaps, most importantly,
against injustice and against the Mexican government.
their identities. Therefore, when they are confronted with
The compañeras are mothers, daughters and wives who, simply put, refused to accept a diminished position within their communities or within Mexican society. Many of the compañeras have risen to prominent positions of
a camera, they use it to tell their story and to impact their world. Their sense of who they are and of what makes them beautiful informs the lens and the lens, in turn, informs the world.
leadership within the Zapatista movement. When you hold
Dignity is the heart of the Zapatista movement. The
these accomplishments up within the context of some 500
compañeras embody that dignity. They are women who
years of brutality, they are nothing short of a pure wonder
know and have lived a simple truth: There can be no
to behold. Yet, these outward accomplishments form only
beauty without dignity. Therefore, their dignity is their
the backdrop to the story I wish to tell. That story is a
beauty. It is this beauty that they offer to the camera and to
subtler one. It is a story about cameras and lenses.
the world.
As the compañeras stepped onto the global stage, they
I contrast this active projection with the first world images
inevitably confronted the flashing camera lights and the
of beauty manufactured by Madison Avenue. In those
high powered lenses of a professional media establishment
images, women are instruments used to tell the story of a
that so often seeks to impose a story rather than conveying
brand. They are nipped, tucked, altered and packaged to
one – especially where women are concerned. The flash of
sell an idea of what women are (or should be) and to evoke
38 BellaMia June 2015
A Zapatista Woman’s Pensive Gaze - Paco Vasquez
39
an endless desire for products. Through Madison Avenue’s lens images of women’s culture are manufactured and mass produced into a reality of its own. Women’s actual stories and their dignity become secondary to a presentation that isn’t really about women.
you, for the full blossoming of your human potential. This process begins with the simple ownership of the lens through which we see ourselves and with our courage to stand in the beauty and the power of our human dignity no matter the circumstance.
For all its glitter and glamor, it isn’t even a story about
If we return now to the geography of the story, we will
beauty. It is a story about a beauty industry that depends
see the example offered by the compañeras multiply
on a narrow, externally created definition of beauty.
in strength. As Hilary points out in Compañeras, the
Madison Avenue demands that we cede the power of
Zapatista lands are not liberated lands in the traditional
definition to the lenses.
sense. The Mexican military maintains a heavy presence
This difference is a crucial one. It captures the heart of what I have come to know as Zapatismo. It also captures the genius of the Zapatista story and of the compañeras.
in the region to this day. In other words, the compañeras’ bid for freedom and a dignified life is not frozen in time. It is alive. This has forced them to draw the boundary lines of their thriving in the midst of a geographic and military
In 2001 the Zapatista leader Comandanta Ester gave a
reality that invites them to surrender their dignity anew
speech in the central plaza of Mexico City. She declared
every single day.
that the compañeras are “oppressed three times over” because they are poor, because they are indigenous and because they are women. Contained within that statement is the beginning that belongs to each and every compañera, but not its ending. The Zapatista movement became public in 1994 when the Zapatistas officially declared war on the Mexican government. Every compañera before that time was raised on a steady diet of oppression externally, and often intimately, imposed. Up until January 1, 1994 the lens of the oppressors (including the women’s own husbands and families) laid heavily upon the indigenous women and girls of Chiapas. Yet somehow, the Zapatista rebel women found the courage to define themselves and to define the future they wanted for themselves and their communities. The compañeras, and indeed the Zapatista movement, are a living, breathing example of what it means to carve out space within your heart first, and then in the world around
40 BellaMia June 2015
In the midst of an ongoing threat, the Zapatista women must choose themselves over and over again. For the compañeras, dignity and thriving are an active choice that finds its true root in an ongoing practice of self love, sisterhood and a love of community that simply refuse to die. If we look deeply enough at this story of struggle and triumph, we will find a mirror and in that mirror, an expression of beauty that every woman can achieve without make-up, the surgeon’s knife, or even a favorable camera angle. Beauty is dignity. Rebecka Eggers
rebeckaeggers.com
41
Love
In the Name of Love Kimberley Heart
hat would you do in the name of
for less than our “dream person.” We may be willing to
love? What would I do? Most of us
live with less: touching, communicating, joy, excitement,
say we would do anything—if we could just find love. But would we? Oh, we may tolerate a lot for love. We may accept less than admirable behavior. We may be willing to settle 42 BellaMia June 2015
lovemaking—less of everything. We try and tell ourselves that we cannot have everything. We say to ourselves that must be practical and grounded in reality. After all, it is only adolescents that think they can have everything when
it comes to love, right? But, deep in our hearts most of
In the name of love each of us must finally face our
believe we would do anything for the “right” love, for the
personal truths. What do you believe about love? Who is
love of our dreams.
your best friend? Is it control, or perhaps it is self-pity?
Will we? It’s time to challenge ourselves; will we do the really courageous things for love and challenge our beliefs, our attitudes, and our behaviors? So, as I write to you I challenge myself, what will I do for love? Will I stand in
Maybe you scoff at women who you judge as pathetic victims, yet spend your nights alone with your friend—the glass of wine and that reality show that allows you to live someone else’s life?
front of the mirror and tell myself the truth about my
If you and I want love, the love of our dreams, it begins
beliefs about love? Beliefs like: love hurts, no man will ever
with truth.
love me the way I want to be loved, I’m not loveable, or I must earn love. The list of constricting beliefs that you and I have about love is endless and consequently endlessly painful. Will we do anything for love; even change our fundamental beliefs about love? Will we really do anything for the love of our dreams? Will we sacrifice the things that have been really important to us? Will we give up what we thought would shield us from pain? Will we forfeit control, regardless of its illusion
First truth—Nothing changes until you do. Stop waiting for your big chance at love. You are your big chance, your only chance. Learn about love and intimacy. Second truth—Don’t even think about pursuing the love of your dreams until you have fallen in love with yourself. If you insist on looking for someone else to fill the holes in you, all that you will create is someone who matches your limitations and lack of self-love.
of safety? Control has been a friend for so long, will we
Third truth—you have more information available to you
abandon it now? Love and control cannot exist in the same
to change your life than at any time in human history.
time and space. What will be more important to me? What
Nothing stands in our way but our refusal to learn to love
is more important to you, control or love?
ourselves.
Will we sacrifice our resistances to love by dealing with our
This column is dedicated to the courageous among us who
fears? Will I push through hurt, walking through the hall
want to learn, grow, and heal and thrive. It is dedicated
of mirrors that reflects back to me the wounds still left to
to you. It can be your time to love and be loved. I believe
be healed? Will I slug through the morass of my past so it
in you and together we can give love its sacrifices and we
doesn’t destroy my future. Will you?
can replace them with self-love, self-esteem, adventure,
What will we do for love? If we really want the love of our lives, love demands a sacrifice. It demands that we
excitement and a future of love beyond our current imagine. What will you do for love?
sacrifice our martyr, victimhood, control, rage, despair,
Kimberley Heart
resentment, and self-pity; all of these old friends that have
www.getlove.com
given us safe haven to hide from love. It time for truth, these old friends have kept us from love. They have not kept us safe. You know that is true you have the scars on your heart to prove it.
43
Love
The Beauty of Grace and Ease Dr Sabrina Caliendo hen we are truly at one with our
1. Smelling, the beautiful scents in the air, the breeze, the
authentic selves, in our power and
flowers.
living congruently with our purpose, passion and gifts, Grace and Ease are a natural by-product as is joy, abundance, gratitude, peace and feelings of effortless synchronicity and flow in our lives. In our Western society and culture Grace and Ease are nearly non-existent and certainly not considered the norm. We are taught to push through, to ignore our
2. Listening, to the sounds of nature or to music that brings you joy.
3. Seeing, all the beauty around you, the sky, children, and of course, the sense of touch.
4. Touch, wearing fabrics that feel luscious and free on your skin.
intuition and our inner cries of knowing that our lives are
Bombarding your senses with anything that creates
not meant to be lived through struggle.
positive feelings and pleasure within you, is key.
We ALWAYS have a choice. It doesn’t necessarily feel that way but it is true. In every single moment of our lives we
Appreciating just one of these will then draw in feelings of gratitude and ease.
can decide who we want to be and how we want the movie
Sense the Ease in situations and only allowing yourself to
of our lives to play out. One of the biggest keys to this is by
act or speak when you are feeling clear. As a woman this
being Present. In other words, treating everyday and every
means being attuned to our feminine core and nurturing
moment as if it were new and not projecting into the past
it. Allowing for communication from our intuition and
or future or placing pre-conceived ideas or memories into
our uterus/womb energy. The uterus is where our divine
our present situation. We can literally choose our thoughts,
power resides and just breathing into the uterus and
feelings and reactions a split second before they occur.
focusing our attention there, will often give us the answers
This takes practice but it is indeed possible!
we are looking for.
The beauty of ease and grace is pure unadulterated bliss,
Choosing who to surround ourselves with, and deciding
once we practice it. Living this way is a Practice‌ a journey
what kind of information to feed ourselves, with is also
and , not a destination, so enjoy every second as you allow
key. This involves discernment. Taking inventory of how
yourself to learn and grow with heightened awareness.
we feel around certain people and whether they build us
There are many practical ways to make this happen, and here are a few to start with. Being present and aware, and opening up each of your senses:
44 BellaMia June 2015
up or pull us down. Are we drained or energized? We must choose who we want in our lives. This is also the case with TV, radio and the media. What kind of messages do we want to receive in our bodies, our psyches and our nervous systems? Which do you choose - violence, death and dysfunction, or harmony, peace and connection to Spirit?
Having the courage to listen to our inner guidance as
are perhaps wanting. Enjoying the moment and especially
women, our dreams our thoughts and feelings. Trusting
enjoying the peace that comes when we connect to others,
in ourselves and in our bodies and creating a tribe of
look into their eyes and appreciate the beautiful light that
likeminded individuals is essential. Surrounding ourselves
we all radiate. Life is simple and easy and graceful if we
with these elements of beauty, empowerment, passion,
can just get out of our own way, and let it happen.
and healthful pure whole foods, people with passion, vitality, integrity and wisdom will bring balance. Following our hearts and learning to give and receive love, are all vital components for our soul’s evolution. Simplifying our lives and choose ing not to overload
Let yourself ves SMILE, and laugh and have fun! Play, play, play. Dr. Sabrina Caliendo
www.practicewellbeing.com
ourselves with activities, media or a faster pace than we
45
Love
Hierarchy of Selfishness: You can’t put everyone else first and call that love Tinamarie Bernard
f I have to describe my love intention it would be as follows: I love myself first, followed by my love and commitment to my spouse. After that comes my dedication to my children, whom I would protect with my life if need be. Here’s the thing – I don’t love my kids any less than parents who spend most of their waking hours catering to the needs of their children; I just understand the paradox of selflessness differently. I call this the Hierarchy of Selfishness. Learning to be selfish allowed me to finally learn to love.
how to make herself scarce. Soon, the imploring messages
Teaching others to be selfish is in many ways, my calling as
came, and as they went unanswered, his tone and actions
a dating and relationship coach. Helping others, especially
became more menacing. He stalked and harassed her.
successful single women who have everything but love, is
He pressured her to take him back, and Edith’s resolve
integral to the work I do. Understanding the Hierarchy
wavered. She was beginning to doubt herself. “I don’t want
of Selfishness starts with understanding the energetics
to hurt him,” she said to me. “Maybe he’ll change.”
of giving, taking and receiving, best explained by the experiences of one of my coaching clients.
This is when mindfulness practices helped her to understand the differences between the experiences of
Edith* is 27. She’s kindhearted and intelligent, a PhD
giving, taking and receiving. I asked her to think about the
candidate at my alma mater, UCLA. She grew up in a
unwanted gifts he’d left on her doorstep and to describe
traditional Christian Asian home. Her family lives overseas,
any sensations in her body. She noted that she was tense in
so when she hired me last year to figure out how to break
her chest and belly and in her mind’s eye ‘saw’ a dark, grey
up with her fiancé of 2 years, I understood that we would
swirling color. “I don’t want any of them,” she declared.
be navigating sensitive cultural and religious terrain.
“Then did he give you any gifts?” I asked her. “Or by giving
Edith was anxious and afraid of her fiancé. He looked
you those flowers, he’s actually taking from you,” I asked.
‘ideal on paper’ (same cultural and religious background,
In reality, his actions violated her boundaries so there was
came from a good family, financially stable) and had the
no way that she has the space to actually receive his gifts.
approval of her caring, yet conservative family, who by virtue of living abroad didn’t see the telltale signs of a temperamental controlling personality. The first steps were the easiest – I helped her figure out 46 BellaMia June 2015
Through our work together, Edith learned to recognize this energetic message as fear and to see it as a teacher. The process of tapping into her body helped her start to put herself first, to begin living by the Hierarchy of Selfishness.
I’ve seen hundreds of women struggle with the concept because, whether socialized or nurtured to be this way, many of us derive our value from what others think of us. Time and again, in an effort to show that you care, you over give of your time, energy and resources. How’s that working for you? If you are worn out by the demands of daily living, it’s time to put your oxygen mask on first. This is especially important if you are a mom. But how do you practice the Hierarchy of Selfishness if you have children? Studies suggest that children who grow up with parents who take time out for themselves and make the marriage the center of the family, benefit from the stability and awareness of their place in that family structure. Happy children are those whose parents are happy. How can parents set this example? For starters, show physical affection. My husband and I play a game. We tell our kids not to look, and then we place our hands over our faces and kiss behind that makeshift screen. When our kids were little, they’d squeal with delight trying to see our smooch. Now that my son is 12, he offers up an adolescent groan and a, “that’s gross,” which is fine by us. He’s seeing our bond in action. Children who are used to this also note the difference. Recently, our marriage underwent a strain and we spent some weeks apart. More than once, we were asked when would we kiss again. Our kids noticed the difference and were invested in seeing us literally kiss and make up. The Hierarchy of Selfishness is ultimately about self-love. At times, it requires you to walk a fine line, but if you can reframe it as the difference between giving, taking and receiving, you may just rescue yourself from your overanxious and over-worked self. Tinamarie Bernard
www.tinamariebernard.com
47
Have you ever been stopped by your fears?
On Sale Now! KissYourFearsGoodbyeBook.com 48 BellaMia June 2015
49
Me
How Do You Fall in Love with Your Body Again? Mary E. Pritchard, Ph.D., HHC inety of women don’t like what they see when they look in the mirror. If you were called to pick up this magazine, I’m guessing you’re one of them. I get it. Body image is something I’ve struggled with my entire life. So how do you learn to love your body just as it is – flaws, warts and all? It’s taken me a few years to really come to terms with what helps me love and embrace the woman I see in the mirror. For me, it boils down to these four things: 1. Stop comparing your body/ intelligence/ success/etc. to everyone else - easier said than done right? Here are the
2. Take active measures to heal your own self-love/self-
two ways I’ve been able to stop my Inner Mean Girl from
worth issues. - Stop saying negative things about yourself
criticizing me for not being like [insert name of friend/
and other people and refuse to listen to negative talk (from
celebrity/sibling here].
you or others). Research suggests that at some level, our brains don’t know the difference between something it
a. Take the sticky note challenge: If you’ve
hears, thinks, or says. So telling your friend, “You need
never checked out Operational Beautiful (http://
to lose five pounds” is the same as you telling yourself, “I
operationbeautiful.com/), I encourage you to start
need to lose five pounds.” Same goes for things you hear
today with the sticky notes –for yourself. Why? You
other people say (or hear on TV or on the radio). Your brain
deserve a little positive self-talk in your life. And
takes that information in and thinks the message was
for those of us that feel weird saying “I love you”
directed to you.
to ourselves in the mirror, leaving sticky notes for ourselves is an easy way to get a little positive
3. EnVision What You Want – ever make a vision board?
energy flowing our way.
I’ve seen this done a variety of ways; some women use construction paper, others buy poster board; I once
b. Enact a media ban - Research suggests that
used an empty file folder because it was all I had on hand
men and women are negatively affected by viewing
when the mood struck. Next get some old magazines,
idealized images of same sex individuals on TV,
newspapers, whatever you have on hand that has words
in magazines, video games, and on-line. One easy
and pictures on it. If you can spend an entire afternoon
way to stop comparing yourself to these images is
or evening on the project, that’s great. If not, break it out
to stop viewing them. Try instituting a media ban
into chunks. Look for pictures and words that represent
for the rest of this month. No, you cannot control
your life as you’d like it to be. The key here is NOT to put
everything, but by making a choice to minimize
pictures of celebrities or someone you’d like to look like.
your exposure to idealized images you see in the
The goal is to make this about what you want your life to
media can go a long way to helping you fight this
feel like. For example, if you want to make more time for
source of social pressure.
self-care, you might put the word “ease” or “relaxation”
50 BellaMia June 2015
along with a picture of a woman taking a bubble bath. This is supposed to represent everything you want in
c. Morning self-love ritual – e.g., say what you love
life, so don’t hold back. Once you’ve gotten your pictures
about yourself or your body while in the shower,
and words, just paste them however you’d like onto your
putting on lotion, etc.
board. Then, and this is essential, hang your vision board somewhere that you will see it every day—the more often you see it, the better.
d. Rock Your Inner Goddess – wear clothes, hair, and make-up that make you feel your best – you’ll feel confident and successful and beautiful all day
4. Learn to get comfortable in your own skin again – How? This 4 tips have worked for me:
Here’s to rocking the body love! How do you show your body you love and appreciate it? We’d love to hear!
a. Explore your senses– first thing in the morning before you open your eyes, feel – the softness of your sheets against your skin, the cool air touching
Mary E. Pritchard, Ph.D., HHC
www.awakeningthegoddesswithin.com
the exposed areas of your body; gently stretch – roll your shoulders, your neck, flex your feet and hands b. Mirror Exercise – Look into your eyes and say, “I love you.” Bonus points for writing it on your hand every day
51
Me
Under the Scarlet Moon Rebecka Eggers he busses of Guanajuato, Mexico run underground. In the subterranean space between the center of town and San Javier lies a menstruating woman. No one seems to mind. She reclines gracefully against the uneven surface of the tunnel. We meet night after night as
and crisp. The mountains are dry. The rains have not yet come this spring. It isn’t quite time! There is a fireplace behind this beautiful menstruating woman. It gives the earthen altar a hearth-like quality. I feel welcomed by the woman and by the dancing firelight.
the bus rolls to a stop at a Y shaped intersection without a
I take a long deep breath and sort of settle into the stillness
stop sign.
of the night. Certain expectations form. I am imagining an
This woman is naked but for a small, white cloth covering her loins. Her hand and the cloth are both covered in a
ancient fertility ritual, a celebration honoring the fecundity of all women.
telltale red that appears to be seeping through the cloth in
Yeah right! This is Mexico and Mexico seldom conforms to
the same way she appears to be seeping through the thick
expectations!
stone wall.
Just about the time I think I have a fix on this narrative;
Her other arm is outstretched above her head in a pose
something breaks the silence tearing the soft serenity and
somewhat like you would typically see if a woman were at
stillness of this night to shreds. The interruption sounds
rest on a chaise lounge. Yet it also has an active quality as
like the needle scratching across the vinyl on an old style
though the woman is reaching out for something.
record player. This woman of mine smiles a wry smile like
Tonight, as the bus comes to a stop, my eyes meet hers.
she knew it was coming all along.
There is an unmistakable liveliness there, an unexpected
Out of the corner of my eye, I catch sight of an old silver
sparkle that seems somehow out of place and yet exactly
haired grandmother. But for the glistening strands of
right. In her outstretched hand I sense an invitation to
her hair, she is hidden, cloaked by unruly moon-spun
touch, to know, to enter her world. I close my eyes and
shadows. For a moment I am not even sure she is real.
place my hand in hers. Suddenly I am no longer on the bus,
Then I see her hands move. I watch them bring a powerful
but standing beside her.
beat to life.
Gone are the harsh surfaces of the rock and the dark, soot
A low bass sound slithers down my back.
stained walls of the tunnels. She is comfortably arranged on an altar with a pile of straw to cushion her body against
The old woman is tapping out the kind of beat that invites
the sculpted clay that supports her. A banquet table stands
you to shake and shake and shake. My body obeys her call.
nearby.
I have happened upon a ceremony alright. But this is no
It is nighttime here. Everything is peaceful and quiet. All of
fertility celebration. This menstruating woman is here to
life lies still beneath a scarlet moon. The desert air is cool 52 BellaMia June 2015
preside over a release.
The drums are beating faster now. The music is almost
the horizon, the woman approaches. She extends her hand
frenzied. I am dancing as fast as I can!
again. As I take it, I watch her silent message flash across
The woman has come down off her altar. A crowd of
my mind:
Be
dancing women has assembled. Like me they have seemingly arrived from nowhere.
who
We dance for what feels like hours. We are wild and panting. Our feet pound the earth. We weave and writhe
you
as the radiant scarlet moon makes its way across the sky. There is a kind of urgency draped over this night and so
are!
we dance with the kind of fervor I had forgotten I could muster. I am nearly exhausted when I feel something finally give way. I stop and I watch as it etches its name in this bare desert land: AMBIGUITY. In an instant, this word turns to molten silver. It burns its way through the earth until every
Suddenly I am back in the bus. I hear its breaks squeal. We grind to a stop. As I open my eyes, I take in the familiar sights of this familiar road. Somehow I remember to stand and to exit.
last drop disappears.
I am home.
I stand naked, beads of sweat glistening in the light of the
Rebecka Eggers
fading desert moon. As the sun is beginning to peak over
www.rebeckaeggers.com
A few days after this photo was taken, a freak Pacific storm drenched the Guanajuato City area further degrading this amazing work of art. We are so excited to have captured it just before the storm hit and to have the chance to share it with you. 53
Me
How to Ignite Your Libido Michelle Alva, PT re you carving out enough time to embrace and enjoy all the health and life benefits of sex and nourishing your sensual side? Are you making your own ability to experience pleasure in your body, a daily priority? Did you know that it is extremely beneficial for your overall mental and physical health to have a healthy sexual drive? If you are constantly saying “I don’t have enough time for sex”, “I am too tired to have sex” or “I don’t feel sexy” then most likely your libido needs a boost.
According to Psychology Today, 25 percent of all Americans
4. Physical and/or Emotional Abuse. When a woman
(a third of women and a fifth of men) suffer from a
doesn’t feel safe, protected, and loved, it is difficult or
condition known as hypoactive sexual desire (HSD),
impossible to experience sexual desire and pleasure.
which is defined as a persistent or recurring deficiency or absence of sexual fantasies or thoughts, or a lack of interest in sex or being sexual. Dr. Anna Cabeca, Women’s Health Expert states that
5. Stress. When we are under chronic stress, we are not hormonally wired to prioritize sex. Our bodies feel they need to protect, preserve, flee and fight.
female sexual dysfunction, such as low libido, slow arousal,
6. Alcohol/Drug Abuse.
difficulty reaching orgasm, and painful intercourse occurs
Tips on How to Boost Your Libido Naturally:
in about 43% of women. The number of men who report sexual dysfunction is 31%. Low Libido Checklist:
1. Create an intention in the morning to feel grateful for being a sexual being, and choose to feel connected to your sexual and sensual side. Nourish yourself with your own
Do you have any of the following?
loving touch over your genitals. Stimulating your genitals
1. Hormonal Imbalance. Our levels of hormone in our
desire after the sex has been initiated. This is especially
IS a way of raising your libido as women actually gain
bodies affect our sexual drive. Remember that your
relaxing with or without your mate, under a warm shower
thoughts affect your hormones.
in the morning. Spice up this activity by playing your
2. Aging. It is natural for libido to decrease with age, but it
favorite music, wash your body with the intention of
is not normal to have low libido or no sex drive simply due to age.
loving and appreciating every part you, especially your sexy, sacred, sensual you. Allow yourself to imagine, “what would it feel like if I was already a sensual and sexual
3. Medications. Certain medications can have a severe
superstar?” “How would I feel if I was already feeling
affect on libido levels due to a variety of factors.
juicy, delicious and pleasure-filled simply being in my body?” Allow your imagination to take you to a beautiful
54 BellaMia June 2015
experience while taking your morning shower.
6. According to Dr. Edward F Group III, herbs such as
2. Learn how to relax deeply, Activities such as meditation,
Saffron, Nutmeg, Clove, Maca Root, and L-Arginine, Feel
yoga, nature walks or tai chi class work well. Pleasurable
all raise our libido.
fitness forms such as pole dance, belly dance and ballroom
7. Be your best friend and greatest lover. Practice Self-
dance are too.
Love, Self-Worth and Self-Acceptance towards yourself
3. Learn how to use your breath to calm and relax both
and your body. Accept whatever feelings you have
body and mind.
towards your current libido, to feel embraced by you. Let go of the weight of judgment, shame or guilt towards
4. Relax your inner thighs and pelvic floor. Lay down,
yourself. Massage your erogenous zones to strengthen the
bend your knees and allow your thighs to move apart while
experience of your body as a source of pleasure. According
you bring the soles of your feet together. Practice deep
to Amy Levine, Sex Coach, massage to the neck, scalp, feet,
diaphragmatic breaths with loving intentions directed into
abdomen (inguinal areas), and lips are key areas to get our
your pelvic floor and genitals to deepen one’s connection
libido pumping.
to our sexual energy. Notice how it feels to breathe into your sexual organs. Do your Kegels in this position. Contract and relax your pelvic floor muscles and notice how pleasurable it feels.
5. Boost your energy and sex drive by taking naps when you can, and eating a healthy diet high in protein and low in carbohydrates.
Know that a healthy libido is already within you. It simply needs to be re-ignited! The moment you begin to be more aware of how this aspect of you is important, the easier it will be to “turn it on.” Be patient with yourself and let me know how these tips benefit you! Michelle Alva
www.michellealva.com
55
Me
How To Have a Healthy, Happy Vagina Bonnie Gayle ou live in a stress-filled environment with all of your to-dos and myriads of responsibilities you have to your job, family, children, partner, friends and business associates. You probably don’t have a lot of time left to take care of you. Along with the stress, as you are aging, your body chemistry is changing and so is the lining and the walls of your vagina. Your vagina may be something you don’t think about much, unless you are experiencing discomfort or having problems. When that is the case your vagina isn’t happy and neither are you. There are some simple things you can do to keep your vagina happy.
1. Self Pleasuring Regularly
pleasure and help to avoid incontinence.
You can have pleasure anytime you choose. Never let
Orgasms create feelings of happiness. Dopamine is
anyone control whether or not you experience sexual
released when you orgasm which sends happy messages to
pleasure. Knowing how to please yourself can only improve
the brain.
the sexual pleasure you experience when you are with a partner. Not every woman is lucky enough to be with a partner who really knows how to sexually please them every time. Many
Pain relief. Orgasms lead to greater pain tolerance and pain relief. What a fun way to rid yourself of pain!
2. Do Your Kegels
times your partner may not be available when you’re in the
Do your Kegels, which tone your pelvic floor (vaginal
mood, so make sure you know how to please yourself, love
muscles). If you don’t use them, you lose them. Losing the
your body, and make it feel incredible.
vaginal muscle tone can cause incontinence and lack of
Orgasms and climaxes are extremely beneficial for your body. Some of the benefits are:
vaginal orgasm intensity. Kegel Exercises tones the vaginal muscles and helps to keep your vagina feeling tighter so that you have more sensation for enjoyment, and don’t
Antiaging – your skin looks and feels younger and you get
end up being incontinent in later years. Kegels don’t take
the added benefit of “afterglow”.
a lot of time to do and you can do them anywhere without
Sleep better- after climax you can have deeper sleep. Builds immunity – when your system creates energy your immunity strengthens. Strengthens the pelvic floor muscles – regular orgasm and climax builds the pelvic floor muscles, which increase 56 BellaMia June 2015
anyone knowing. The more you do Kegels, the tighter the muscles will be and the better it is for your sex life.
3. The Jade Egg The Jade Egg is a tool you can use to increase elasticity and
blood flow to the vaginal muscles, rebuilding the vaginal
take a shower again. It improves sexual health by keeping
walls (for women in menopause), and awakening sexual
the vaginal area clean and stimulating the nerves to
sensitivity. Jade Eggs come in a variety of sizes because
increase sensation so that you don’t have low or no libido.
every woman is not the same size. Using the Jade Egg over
It’s a guaranteed fun in the bathtub! Use BG10 at checkout
time can make sex much more exciting for you, which will
to get 10% off.
in turn be a huge turn-on for your partner.
4. Use an Organic Lubricant for Lovemaking
6. Make Sure Your Sex Toys Are NOT Toxic: Did you know the sex toys you are using to enhance
Sexual lubrication can really enhance your lovemaking
pleasure could be bad for you? I recommend the following:
experience. Unfortunately, most lubricants on the market
100% Medical Grade Silicone, glass or stainless steel toys.
contain harmful ingredients. If you are prone to urinary tract infections, yeast infections or have contracted a sexually transmitted disease, you should be extra careful with any product you apply on and in your vagina. I recommend Sex Butter http://www.sexbutter.net, an organic sexual lubricant that lubricates and enhances desire. It’s made of ingredients that are healthy for your delicate parts, inside and out. It is antifungal, antibacterial
You may not give much thought to your sexual health unless you feel pain or lose desire. Now that women are leading longer lives, many of the conditions that weren’t important in the past have become very important to us today… your Sexual Health is one of them. Bonnie Gayle “A happy vagina makes you feel empowered!”
www.sexbutter.net
and keeps the vagina PH balanced, aiding in keeping you disease- infection free.
5. Fun In the Bathtub with The WaterSlyde Using The WaterSlyde https://www.waterslyde. com?affiliates=2 in the bath will make you never want to
57
Me
The Embodiment Series Patty Alfonso hat is embodiment anyway? What if you could enjoy your body? What if every molecule in your body could vibrate with orgasmic energy?
insane thoughts my mind generated based on my life experiences. I was hiding behind the barriers I created in order to keep myself safe from the perceived harshness of this world. These are just some of ways in which I locked down my
To me, embodiment is being in communion with my body.
body and being. I was hiding from myself and from the
Embodiment is the willingness to hear what my body is
world.
saying and surrender to it. Joyful embodiment is allowing your body to contribute orgasmically to your life. Um… yeah…I’ll have that now please! There are so many fun things we can only do in this reality with a body! Could you get a massage if you didn’t have a body? Would you be able to dance? Have sex? Eat? Caress?
Does this sound familiar to you? Intellectually, I’ve known that the body had it’s own innate brilliance. Let’s ponder this for a moment, shall we? For example, did you know that every cell in your body knows exactly what its “job” is from the moment it’s conceived? Be with that for a moment, every cell knows what it’s going to be and do in your body from the moment it is conceived.
Would you be willing to explore new possibilities with your
Throughout the body’s lifetime, all the cells, organs,
body?
systems that keep your body alive know what to do. You,
Our first step in exploring these new possibilities is to begin the communication between you and your body. Before I began my work with Pole Dancing For Consciousness™ and Access Consciousness®, I did not communicate with my body at all. I did not experience any
the being, are the energy that keeps it all together. You are the space between the molecules that has created this magnificent body. Have you ever noticed that your body breathes on it’s own? Your heart beats?
kind of sensations with my body. The taste of food was
Your blood flows? Your body knows when it has to go
dull, my body was numb and I didn’t enjoy being touched
to the bathroom or when it requires food. Your body
or hugged. I would push my body to do things that she did
functions without YOU having to DO anything. Your body
not enjoy because I thought it was the right thing to do.
knows.
There was rigidity in my body that created stiffness in the way I walked. It was not fun for me to have a body at all!
Isn’t that amazing? Having this awareness began my journey towards having gratitude for my body. When I
I was functioning from the head up. I was aimlessly
perceive the energy of my body and all it does for itself and
wandering around thinking as if the thoughts wouldn’t
for me, I can’t help but be grateful for her.
stop, confusing myself. Functioning from the various 58 BellaMia June 2015
So…you wouldn’t include your body in your choices about
your body for what reason? Have you asked your body what she/he would like to do today? What does your body want to eat? What does your body want to wear?
You can start journey with asking any the questions in this article and being totally present with your body. The more you do this, the more information you will gather about what your body likes and dislikes. It’s a practice! Please start and don’t ever give up. I promise…I can guarantee that if you don’t give upon YOU, you will have everything you desire with your body, your being and your life.
Where does your body want to go?
Would you be willing to commit to the magnificence of
Does your body want to go to the beach or the mountains?
you?
Does your body want to move or rest?
Would you be willing to be patient with yourself as you
If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably ignored your
begin
body most of your life. When you begin to ask your body
this new dialogue with your body?
questions and you begin to listen to what your body desires
Patty Alfonso Access Consciousness Certified Facilitator Creator Pole Dancing For Consciousness
and choose for and with your body, you’ll start to see that you can trust the consciousness of your body. Your body functions from consciousness. It does not have all of the
www.PoleDancingForConsciousness.com
points of views and judgments that you The Being are holding onto. When you let go of your points of view and allow your body to choose, greater possibilities can show up!
59
Me
Have You Lost Your Passion? Claire Sierra, MA ome days our passion, radiance and vitality seem like distant
experience than others. It differs widely between us. We all
memories. You know what
know “blissfully happy”, and “impossibly sad” people. How
I mean: your sparkle, your
do they do it?
juicy aliveness--the beauty that you are--vanishes.
Passion is an emotion, and some emotions are easier to
It happens to the best of us.
Apparently our brains are hard-wired for danger and difficulty. We’re trained to notice the negative in our environment more easily. It keeps us safe and alive. We
Sometimes in the cyclic nature of life, we’re on fire, feeling
look for those experiences and as a result, we see them and
inspired and at the top of our game. In those moments
practice those emotions more frequently.
we feel unstoppable in activating our fullest purpose and potential. Everything is going amazingly great. Life feels full of possibility. Then there are other times. You know what I mean: your spark is dim, your zest is zapped, maybe your sexuality, too. You’re on the brink of despair. It feels horrible!
We are not so hard-wired for positive emotions. (Passion, love, joy, compassion, gratitude, etc.) These need to be practiced. Regularly. Now I’m not talking about sitting in meditation for 30 minutes of sustained bliss. Most of us can’t do that. But we can work up to it! When I’m working with women I suggest
Many of us don’t even like to admit we get to that point.
these practice sessions be in 30-60 second increments
What to do?
a few times a day. You can easily fit that into your daily
As women we are emotional beings and suppressing our
routine.
emotions isn’t the solution (though it’s one many of us
Think of these as brief moments, where you get to choose
have been taught and used to be successful in society.) As
and feel emotions you’d like to be having more of in your
we shift from a hyper-masculine style of doing our lives,
life. This will create a pathway (a neural network, actually)
to being in our feminine, we need skills for dealing with
so that you can more easily access them.
emotions gone awry.
By practicing feelings of compassion, gratitude, passion
Our internal connection to passion, desire and other
or bliss, they become the go-to states you’ll have in your
good-feeling emotional states fuel our lives. When we feel
daily life. It’s like that old saying, “Practice makes perfect.”
good we are connected to our divine spark. We feel full
But you don’t need to go for perfection. Pick a few target
of possibility, radiance and vitality. It’s magnetic, and life
emotions you’d like more of in your life.
flows.
When you practice these emotions you don’t need to
So how do we hook it up? How do we feel more inspiration
have a reason, or something to be passionate, hopeful or
and enthusiasm when life seems dry, dark and draining?
joyful about. Just pretend. First visualize and then feel the
60 BellaMia June 2015
emotion in your body. Try it right now. By activating the feelings of passion, you will feel passionate, enlivened and aroused. That may seem like reason enough to try this. But there’s more. When you feel excited by life you’ll naturally radiate the core essence of
Here’s the mystery: as you do this, you will naturally and spontaneously start to experience (or notice) more events in your life that resonate with these practiced emotions! You’re paving the neural pathway for some incredible experiences!
who you really are. You are no longer “hiding your light
Notice the places or situations which seem to inspire, or
under a bushel”.
drain your passion and radiance. Start to cultivate people
As you radiate the soul of who you really are, you shine like a beacon. Whether it’s friends or family, new love, ideal workmates, or additional clients—the people you are meant to interact with cannot help but be drawn to your light. They are like moths to your flame.
and places where your spark is lit and passion is high. Start to cull the draining downer situations. These are clues to your personal bliss. Follow them. © Claire Sierra MA Bliss Breakthrough Coaching
www.BlissBreakthrough.com
You’ll be more radiant, magnetic and inspired. Life will flow for you with more effortlessness, ease and grace. This is living in your “Feminine Soul.”
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Me
GoCommandos Patch: Who Knew? Mia Saenz The topic of “going commando” has become a popular theme in today’s society. More women than you know are quietly going commando. As women, let’s become more comfortable with the conversation and discussion about our vaginas, their health, sensuality, and place of respect. We are not a Puritanical Country anymore and the paradigm is shifting. If you haven’t tried it, join the Panty Free Revolution and see just how free you feel. There have been relatively few books written about the vagina, but those that have are clear that we should be wearing cotton crotches in all of our underwear. Even our gynecologists have been telling us for years to wear cotton. Nylons and synthetics are not absorbent, and have been known to cause urinary tract infections, vaginal yeast infections, and allergies. The evolution of underwear has shown that they just get smaller and skimpier, but always with a design based on the crotch. Women need that because of our anatomy and secretions. This is why going commando is so tricky for so many women; we need the protection and comfort when wearing inseams. What if there is something that protects your vagina, with the comfort it needs and eliminates the added risk of irritation? Now, you can go commando and have all the
women even have further issues with their vulva, pelvic floor and vagina. For women in pain, the protective barrier of cotton is crucial. The medical-grade adhesive, the anatomical design, and the soothing cotton all contribute to this perfect solution. While talking with Jo Bernard, Founder of The Commandos Group, we discovered even more unexpected information. Here is what we found and why we think the Patch is helpful and ingenious: This was created to replace thongs and eliminate panty lines. They had no clue that this cotton patch would provide the missing comfort and relief that so many women with pelvic and vulvar pain were seeking. Millions of women with Chronic Pelvic Pain, Vulvodynia, Interstitial Cystitis, Pudendal Neuralgia, Lichen Sclerosis, Fibromyalgia, Vaginitis, and all other lower genital conditions, literally cannot wear any conventional underwear. Who knew? Many doctors and pelvic floor physical therapists hadn’t known. Underwear manufacturers don’t know. Nurse practitioners hadn’t known. But these women know! Prior to the invention of the GoCommandos Patch, there was no alternative to underwear to wear in jeans and all pants, which provided this protection and comfort. Your clothing wears the Patch, you ‘go commando’!
protection you need. We recently discovered the Patch by
You may ask yourself, “Why not just use panty liners
GoCommandos. This unique, custom-designed, cotton
instead of the GoCommandos Patch?” Panty liners are
patch provides all the comfort you desire. Here is what
designed to fit in the crotch area of panties. The design
you won’t be feeling: binding restriction, thong straps, and
of the liner is insufficient to fit in the curved, multi-
elastic bands!
directional inseam of pants. The adhesive in a panty
Let’s face it, the inseam is not comfortable and some 62 BellaMia June 2015
liner is minimal and is unreliable to stay in place. The material is synthetic, not cotton, and has been known to
cause minute tears in the vaginal skin from extended use
website has many unsolicited testimonials. It seems that
in tight clothing. Their purpose is not the same as the
a growing number of physical therapists and doctors are
GoCommandos patch.
recommending the GoCommandos patch to their patients.
On the GoCommandos website, we found that their
This is another fantastic achievement towards women’s
customers have been very verbal about their experience
health!
with, and utter appreciation for the product. Their
Join the Panty Free Revolution! GoCommandos Patches, All Cotton, Uniquely Designed, Soothing Patches for all your Pants and Jeans
No Panty Day is June 22nd Your clothing wears the Patch.
You still Go Commando. www.gocommandos.com Sign up for our Newsletter to Receive 3 Free Patches with your first order.
63
64 BellaMia June 2015
Sacred Space
How would you like your home to feel? Sharon Otness he other day I watched the unveiling
3. Now take a fresh look. Was it just cluttered and in need
of the home Nate Berkus re-did for Iyanla
of a spring clean? Or do you need to add more of “you” into
Vanzant. Did you see it? What touched
the space?
me was the “feeling” that went into the spaces. Both from the direction that Iyanla gave to Nate from a vision book (critical pro tip) and the care
It is so easy now to create a vision for your home. You can do a notebook like Iyanla did, or create a board on
that Nate took in interpreting her wants and needs. I can
Pinterest. Get ideas from Houzz.
guarantee most of the colors, textures, and patterns she
For an entry there are some key elements to look
loves and Nate incorporated came from that book. This is the first thing I ask my design clients when I start working with them. “How do you want your home (spaces) to FEEL.” It is amazing how few people can answer that. They
for. Before heading out the door to purchase, take a look and see what you can “shop” in your own home. Then fill in where you need.
jump right into a style or type of furniture. How you feel in
1. First of all color. This is an area that can take those
your home is a very important part of your overall wellness.
beautiful saturated colors that might seem daunting in
Go right now and walk outside your front door. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Now open your eyes and walk back in. Look around. How do you feel? If you feel anxious, depressed, annoyed, or sad, we have work to do! Let’s get started. Spring is the perfect time. The first space I am going to suggest you tackle is your foyer or entry. It is less overwhelming than one of the larger rooms in your home and it is the first thing you and your visitors see. It can truly set the tone for your home. I am going to suggest you do a trick I learned when I was doing home staging and one day room make-overs. Here are the three steps.
1. Remove everything from the space. And I mean everything. Clutter, furnishings, area rugs. Get rid of the things that are broken or you no longer enjoy.
2. Thoroughly clean it, top to bottom.
other spaces. So have fun with bright colors, darks, jewel tones and patterns if that is what makes you happy. If you have a hectic and stressful life outside of the home, you may want to walk in the door to soothing, calm colors and textures. Don’t forget to paint the exterior or interior of the entry door. Just that one thing can make a big difference!
2. Lighting is critical. Make sure to have a table or chest to hold a table lamp, especially if there isn’t overhead lighting. You can add drama with an up-light behind a plant. If you have an overhead chandelier or pendant, make sure it is one that makes your heart sing to look at. They do not need to cost a fortune. Home stores can have some very nice choices for a good price.
3. Texture. An area rug is a quick way to add texture. Place baskets to hold mail or umbrellas. Window shades and drapery can add texture and drama.
4. Organization. The table or chest you have placed is also 65
a perfect spot to hold keys, fresh flowers or greenery, a
Now, do that exercise again. Walk out your front
candle or beautiful vase or statue. Wall hooks to hang a
door. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Open your
favorite hat, scarf or jacket if closet space is dear.
eyes. Walk in the door. How do you feel now? This is your
5. Artwork is the perfect way to show your personality. A travel photo, a favorite quote, found elements can all be used. Add a mirror for that last minute check before going
first step into turning your home into your sanctuary. Sharon Otness
sharonotnessfoot.com
out the door.
6. Don’t forget to clean up the exterior space of the entry. Even if it is too early to plant new shrubs in your area, just clean it off, add a new entry mat and a fresh coat of paint to the door if needed. Replace tired entry lights.
"Living Life on a Natural High"
www.sharonotness.com 66 BellaMia June 2015
Sacred Space
Feng Shui Mirror on the Wall Elisabeth Powers
nhancing abundance in your home. The teachings of Feng Shui believe that all things are energy, also known as Chi. The Feng Shui masters devised a system with five elements, each with specific energetic or Chi characteristics. These characteristics explain how the
different types of Chi interact with one another and move within nature. The elements are wood, fire, earth, metal and water. They can either be used to enhance one another and heighten their impact, or serve to reduce their energetic effect. In the enhancing, also called creative cycle, the wood element 67
nurtures fire, the fire in turn fertilizes the earth by
The mirror on the kitchen wall, placed directly behind
creating ashes; the earth brings forth metal and the metal
your stove, has a powerful double Feng Shui effect: first,
element produces condensed water.
as a symbol for the water element, it will energize this
In the so called destructive cycle, water puts out fire, fire melts metal, metal cuts wood, wood exhausts the earth of its nutrients and the earth element muddies the water. With the help of the interaction of the five elements, Feng Shui strives to create a balance in all areas of our life. As described above, water is nurturing to the wood element.
area with wealth and abundance. Secondly, the reflection of your cooking area and the food produced in it is doubled, thereby creating a visual image of abundance of nourishment. Be sure to give this Feng Shui cure true meaning by letting its energy connect with your own energy. As a daily reminder, let the mirrored image serve as an affirmation and resonate with your inner core. Knowing
Water is traditionally a symbol of prosperity and
that having plenty eventually becomes second nature
abundance in all cultures. The reason for this goes back
to us, we begin attracting more abundance. Thanks to
to simple economics. Where there is water, life blooms.
the universal law of attraction on the energetic level, we
We need water to drink, for personal hygiene and laundry,
attract what we feel and think to be true and focus on. If
to irrigate the crops and water our livestock. The rivers
we constantly entertain thoughts of poverty and lacking,
and seas offer nutrition to us in the form of fish and
magnifying what we need, yet do not have, we will attract
crustaceans. Later water was used for energy to drive mills
want into our lives and never have enough. However, if we
for the milling of grain.
focus on feeling abundant, we will attract what we need
The closer villages, towns and cities were built near
and more.
waterways, the sooner they would prosper, allowing trade
The kitchen, as the heart of the home, represents
and commerce to flourish thanks to fast transportation of
nurturing and sustenance of the family. By placing a
goods in all manner of ships and barges. Not only wares,
mirror to reflect abundance, you can be sure that health,
but also information between the communities connected
wealth and happiness will come into and further reach
to this network of waterways was able to travel faster,
into all areas of your life. This cure is only one facetted
yet further enhancing commerce and thereby wealth and
of the ancient and complex method of observing and
prosperity.
influencing the world around us - Feng Shui.
In Feng Shui, water, having taken on symbolic meaning
Elisabeth Powers Villa Maestrali
expressed in various ways, is used to attract and energies wealth and abundance in the home. The water element can be symbolized by the colors dark blue and black, by using pictures of waterfalls, waves or rushing rivers, as well as by decorating with mirrors, as mirrors are the perfect expression of the water element.
68 BellaMia June 2015
www.villamaestrali.com weezie@weezie.de
Sacred Space
Stop the Glorification of Busy Nadia Krauss t is a beautiful, rainy, cozy Sanctuary Sunday in Albany, Georgia. My husband and I are sitting in the breakfast nook area of our house, enjoying our homemade strawberries & cream oatmeal, listening to the raindrops on our roof and the rolling thunder as a backdrop.Oh yes! This truly is our sacred space. Food for the soul. Yum! Just yum! I truly am a very firm believer that a Sunday well spent will bring a week of content! And by a “Sunday well spent” I really don’t mean crazy action and super busyness. Let me explain… 69
I am originally from Germany where on Sundays
Please go ahead now and take some time to ask yourself
everything shuts down, except your occasional gas station.
these questions: What if creating sacred space in your life,
Even on weekdays stores will close as early as 6pm in some
for you, or with your partner, could be the self-nurturing
cities. Only in big cities such as Berlin, Cologne, Munich,
act needed to activate your inner wise guide. The one that
or Stuttgart will you find stores open until 8 pm on week
restores your balance and emotional wellbeing. Would you
nights. And like I said on Sundays all stores, in every city,
be willing to give it a try?
collectively close. Quite literally the whole country shuts down for quiet time.
If you answered yes, than the first thing you can do is to stop the glorification of busy. Let go of unnecessary
It’s a day spent being lazy in your PJ’s , or going for long
things. Introduce a simpler life. Also begin reintroducing
walks in nature. People do end up going downtown for a
sacred space in bite size, doable chunks. Understand that
stroll along the pedestrian zone which is lined with stores.
nurturance comes naturally to most women as long as
But you will not find the stores open. This isn’t a problem
its directed at someone else. Nurturing, nourishing, and
for German folk. It is what they are used to and has made
supporting yourself might feel far more difficult because
them into a culture where downtime is valued greatly and
in your head you just don’t have the time! It might even feel
it is truly a time to let go, let your hair down, and replenish
self indulgent.
yourself for the work week that lies ahead.
I want you to stop right there. Stop. Slow down. Breathe.
My husband is originally from America and spent 17 years
And listen. Are you listening to yourself? Are you truly
with me in Germany after entering the country as a US
listening to what Monkey Mind is telling you? Take another
soldier. We met when we were both 18 years old and got
breath. Relax. Allow yourself to just let go for a moment.
married at age 20. We have been married ever since. We
I know that you are craving some creative time. Some
surely have enjoyed our share of lusciously, lazy Sundays,
time spent in introspection. Some down time. I know you
living in Germany. We actually did not realize how much
wish life was simpler. I know your yearning for a personal
these Sanctuary Sundays meant to us until we moved to
sanctuary, comfort rituals, and sacred space, with yourself,
the States, a whopping 19 years after we got married in
and possibly your partner. Just give in to this yearning. Let
Germany.
it be. Let it happen. Don’t try to figure this out. Just keep
Creating sacred space through Sanctuary Sundays has become our way of slowing down and taking a day of rest staying at home and going absolutely nowhere. One whole day! We stay home in our Pj’s, doing whatever we please. It has become very important to us. So much that even though we now live in the US, and literally could go shopping 24/7, we don’t! We are choosing to uphold our Sanctuary Sunday, by mastering the habit of creating sacred space for ourselves. We do this individually, as well as a couple. Sundays we
breathing into this desire. Allow yourself to expand into it emotionally. Reconnect yourself feeling this. Truly feeling this will help you to create sacred space in bite size, small, and absolutely doable chunks. To do this furthermore, I recommend these two books : The Woman’s Comfort Book & The Couple’s Comfort Book by Jennifer Louden. Growing. Spicing things up. Flourishing into sacred space you will feel beautiful now.
are consciously doing it together, as a family. We plan for it
Nadia Krauss
every week, getting all our shopping and running around
www.happywholesomelife.com
done by Friday night, just like we did in Germany. Our Saturdays we spend exploring and on fun outings but our Sundays we infuse with sacred space. This truly is a game changer.
70 BellaMia June 2015
At BellaMia Magazine, we love our men.
“Getting in touch with the feminine energy is a magical process. As I open up to discover, I feel as though I am also aligning myself with all of creation herself.�
Stephen Camargo filmmaker, photographer, lover of life
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72 BellaMia June 2015
Editorial
Vortex
We are delighted
when I was going through health
spoke till very late into the evening
to interview
issues. Through the practice I
about many things we connected
recited portions of the Lotus Sutra,
on. I think that both of us also share
Shakyamuni’s highest teachings. It felt
that we do not feel Dutch in The
Underwater photographer Gisele
as if I was tapping into the original
Netherlands, yet do in the United
Lubsen.
life I inherently possessed, the
States. Far away from our families,
fundamental life force of the universe
our friends become our family nearby.
removing stories and negativity
That is very precious and Lotte and I
outside of me. Through this inner
instantly connected on that level.
Actress Lotte Verbeek and Artist,
I would like to welcome both of you, Lotte and Gisele, to the world of BellaMia and all the possibilities that we as women have in this place we call Earth. This specific time on our planet is very crucial and important
transformation I was able to change my life for the better, and help others as much as I can.
for the growth of all women as we
Bellamia: You both are from the
break through the masculine barriers
Netherlands living in the States; can
and into the grace of the feminine.
you share how you met and what an
Bellamia: Both of you are Buddhist.
impact each had on the other’s life?
Bellamia: How do you view women and the community among us? Lotte: I appreciate the journey we make as women and human beings when it comes to emancipation. As much as we want to have equal rights and equal pay for example, it
When did you discover your spiritual
Lotte: We met through a mutual
is very important to appreciate the
path and what was it like for you?
Dutch friend, Miek Uittenhout. She
differences between men and women.
directed me in a one woman show
Right now we live in a society with
called “Lollipop”. She was the one
women who are both strong and
who directed me in my audition for
independent, and also sensual and
the Borgias and has always been so
feminine. One doesn’t exclude the
supportive of me and my career. She
other.
Lotte: I became a Buddhist in Budapest! I was shopping “The Borgias” (TV Show) and it was my first taste of a big film set. It was all a little overwhelming and that must have shown because a fellow actor gave me a Buddhist book, seemingly out of the blue. No coincidences in life. (Shopping is a term used in the entertainment industry when offered
came over to L.A. a year ago and told me about Gisele and her work. It took us a year to meet but when we did, we so totally hit it off. Turns out, she practices the same Buddhism I do.
Gisele: I believe in female and male strengths. We are different and I never felt any competition between myself and men. There is no comparison. I never want to act like a man in
a roll to act in; it’s all the steps of
Gisele: Yes, we met through a mutual
order to feel powerful. I rather seek
consideration)
artist friend Miek Uittenhout and it
strength within feminine multi-
was love at first sight. Lotte came
dimensionalities and appreciate men
over one evening to my house and we
for their differences and strengths. I
Gisele: I discovered Buddhism
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75
believe that men and women should
express my art within this timeless
Gisele: Vortex is a wonderful
identify with the female dimension. By
and powerful medium. When I
cinematographic project I am working
that I do not mean the embodiment
moved to L.A. from Paris, where I
on with my talented friend Jorge
of women per se, but that each one
studied art history, everyone was
Tort, creative director and actor. It is
of us tries to find a balance and be in
telling me about the superficiality
about the story of a man and his life
tune with their intuition, compassion,
of people here. After having spent
struggles confronting his inner child.
caring, nurturing and understanding,
some time here and having met
We have photographed and filmed
male or female. When a man is in
wonderful people, I realized that
this production with the intention of
tune with these characteristics I do
there was a sense of braveness and
bringing to light that each one of us
find it very sexy! I see many women
possibility in always performing in
has a process to go through, in order
in our community today who are very
good weather. Underwater embodies
to get through to the next level. It is ok
independent and entrepreneurial,
this fearless performance for me. One
to have a history with difficulties and
yet never lose touch with their female
has to be heroic and push through
challenges, we all do. The question is,
sensuality. This has shifted from a
the environmental obstacle of not
what do we learn from it, and how do
couple of years ago in my opinion,
being able to breathe. When I visit
we benefit from it to help others once
where many women often seem to act
art collectors who have collected my
we have become a little wiser?
like men. We have many roles to juggle
work and see it hanging on their walls,
at the same time, which is not easy but
I feel a sense of pride of everyone
I do think that today’s women have
who performed in my underwater
the possibility to have it all.
art productions. They are fearless
Bellamia: Lotte, when did you know you wanted to be an actress? Lotte: I was eight. I was in a canoe with my mom, paddling in the front. She had trained to be an actress before she had my sister. Acting seemed so alluring to me, just to
and captivating. That is extremely rewarding. Bellamia: Lotte, I love The Borgias and your character, Giulia Farnese. There is also a huge following for Outlander. Can you share your favorite moment of both?
Bellamia: Lotte, you are in a movie with Vin Diesel opening in October 2015 called The Last Witch Hunter, tell us about your experience? Lotte: TLW was an amazing experience. I play the wife of Vin Diesel. The film is action packed for the portion that takes place in present time. My scenes with him were flash backs of a time in the past and they represent sheer bliss and romance.
be able to really ‘get’ the being of a
Lotte: Thank you! I loved the scene
It was fantastic to bring that sense of
person. I asked my mom what it would
in The Borgias where Giulia has
poetry to such a gritty world. Vin was
take to become an actress and she told
confession with the Pope; this is
very generous, and terrific to work
me I would have to be malleable. And I
where they first meet. There is a sense
with.
decided that I could probably do that!
of guilt and melancholy, but also a
Bellamia: Gisele, as an artist, what stirred your passion to choose your medium of underwater photography? Gisele: I spent my entire childhood in Greece swimming in the Mediterranean Sea. My mom is an archeologist and taught me to swim during all the travels we went on, from a very early age. Water
very subtle demure sexuality that I thought was really intriguing in the writing. In Outlander, I loved the trial scene. After we’ve gotten to know Geillis as a woman of guile and wit, she turns out to be a very loyal and passionate idealist who is willing to risk her life for the cause she believes in.
Bellamia: Gisele, you were on The Bachelorette on ABC Network photographing the Bachelorette underwater, which will airs May 25th. Will you share your experience? Gisele: It was a very interesting experience. I often coach couples through breathing techniques before we go underwater to do a photo shoot. This helps create an awareness of
has always been my expression of
Bellamia: Gisele, how did this project
their surroundings and each other
freedom so it was only natural to
Vortex come to be?
causing them to connect, trust and let
76 BellaMia June 2015
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78 BellaMia June 2015
go. With this openness one can create
they really push their characters
Gisele: The women in each
a powerful process for the couples
and performance, creating truly
photograph are expressed through a
and create timeless images based
powerful work. Of course, if they
binary entity. I connect with women
on connectivity. Water is healing but
have a dance background like Lotte,
on a spiritual level through my work
also very romantic which inspires
it is even better to finish off the poses
because they share their vulnerability
beauty. During the filming of The
underwater beautifully! I work with
with me allowing me to transcribe
Bachelorette, I challenged Kaitlyn &
models, fashion designers, branders
their beauty in a timeless photograph.
Clint to engage in this process and
and couples, creating underwater
Underwater work with women they
when you watch the episode you will
photographs and film for different
have to be brave and perform as many
see how much fun they had sharing
industries. I love working with each
women do on a daily basis. I see their
this intimate experience underwater
one of these categories since there
strength and multidimensionality
on their first date, which was very
are so many fascinating people in all
come out as I direct them, and it is
brave of them.
fields. You definitely do not have to be
truly rewarding and magical. I believe
an actor or model in order to book an
that each one of us is a mirror of
underwater shoot with me.
each other, and that we can inspire
Bellamia: Lotte, will you share your experience of doing your first underwater photo shoot? Lotte: So liberating! I am a Cancer, so water always feels like home to me. I love the sensuality of being under water, and the freedom. All movement is slower and that is very relaxing. Bellamia: Gisele, tell us about Vortex and some fun things that happened during the shoot? Gisele: Being a conceptual underwater photographer has been an amazing love affair during the eight years that I have been doing it. I love to work with actors since
Underwater photography is extremely rewarding since it is always about creating art, whether I photograph couples, actors, fashion editorials, or big art productions for my international exhibits. It is the timelessness and freedom of the water that creates this.
and push each other to higher levels. This is why I do not use air tanks underwater, since I want to come up with my model in order to reflect her, and she me. This creates true connectedness and trust during my underwater photo shoots, which I take to heart very much!
Bellamia: Lotte, how do you connect with women and your spirituality through your work? Lotte: I have been very lucky to have played roles that are not only strong females, but also women with a certain sense of hope or faith.
79
New Paradigm
When Positive Thinking is Built on a Weak Foundation Carolyn Gervais
an positive thinking bring us our most passionate desire into physical manifestation? I’d say it depends on who we are, where we are in our evolution, why we want it, what we will do with it when we have it, and what we expect to gain or be rid of once we do. Positive thinking methods have been around for a long time, further back than the first positive thinking book I read: The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale.
We tend to get excited when we find a method such as
into believing something I don’t. That may not be the case
positive thinking, because it appears to be so easy and a
for you, but it is for me.
sure thing to bring us everything we want and need. But, if it doesn’t give us everything we believe we want and need, we are apt to become bored with all the affirmations and the time it takes to visualize all our hopes and dreams. Of course, this attitude comes natural to us because we want everything to be quick and easy. I gave up on positive thinking methods years ago. One reason was: I couldn’t believe in my own affirmations. I felt like I was lying to myself while pretending to believe them. That frustrated me with the whole process of positive thinking.
As time went by, I decided to really meditate and contemplate when, why and how positive thinking works and doesn’t work. That is when I realized there is much more to positive thinking than forcing ourselves to act and talk positive. Acting positive and truly living and feeling positive are canyons apart. It’s like faith, you either have it, or you don’t. Living positively comes from an awakening consciousness via a balanced and loving heart; a heart that is in tune with our higher self as essence. We are human beings with a personality that is very much manipulated and
Years later, when I was going to school to become a
controlled by the human ego mind. But without an ego or
certified hypnotherapist, I learned that the mind ignores
a personality we would not be able to interact with other
what it doesn’t truly believe. It is a fact, that if you do not
people or with life in any form on the Earth. However, the
trust or believe in a person who is trying to hypnotize you,
ego must be tamed by the heart so the personality does not
you will not be hypnotized. But with time and patience,
react to the ego’s selfish actions and words.
with a hypnotist, trust can build. In my mind, affirmations are me trying to hypnotize myself 80 BellaMia June 2015
People often use positive thinking as a means to deny and avoid their fears and guilt, which includes beliefs
and emotions, in order to not take responsibility for their actions. What feels good, we accept as right and what is best. What we see and feels as bad, we bury and deny because it clouds and diminishes our desired self-image. When that happens we have a tendency to act out or play a role we know isn’t truly us; in order to accept our self and be accepted by others.
enough to maintain what we had manifested. We learn from every experience, painful or happy, so that means every experience serves as a stepping stone to the next experience. This is how we expand our awareness, which becomes our wisdom. Our first big step into living positively is to come to terms
It is possible to manifest certain things by pretending, and even by using positive thinking in selfish ways, but the question isn’t whether we can manifest things in our life
with our past, our present, and our perception of our self and future self – and all they entail. This is our first big step into living positively from the inside out.
or not. The real question is: How long will we be able to
If our goals don’t include honesty, compassion, some
maintain that something or make it work, if our underlying
knowledge, time and effort to educate and prepare with
energy and perceptions are self-sabotaging.
positive intent... don’t waste your time with positive
If that is the case, the foundation of our positive thinking will have a lot of, or at least some, big holes in it, making
thinking methods. All you will manifest is something that has a weak foundation and at some point will fall apart.
the foundation and us vulnerable to collapsing; and if so,
Carolyn Gervais
take from us something of value, such as fulfillment and
www.awakeningyou.com
happiness – because we weren’t wise enough or prepared
Ground breaking radio show sharing tools and techniques for survivors of childhood trauma with Radio Show Host, Author and Speaker Susan Jacobi. Wednesdays, 12:30pm PST / 3:30pm EST
www.conversationsthatheal.com Podcasts available on iTunes and Stitcher 81
New Paradigm
Are You Willing To Have What You Really, Really Want? Rev. Lorraine Cohen uring a brainstorming conversation about some new directions I was contemplating for my life and my business, I was asked the question, “Are you willing?” It was time for me to stop living and playing small. The idea of becoming more visible brought up of feelings of unworthiness and fear. I also felt an excitement and
Here is how to play: Make a list of the specific fears and beliefs you have about that change. After each “what if?” write down what you would do if your worst fears actually came true. Describe in detail what would happen and what you could do about it. Consider your options, resources, support, people…. After you’ve done that exercise, consider the opposite.
curiosity about new opportunities and possibilities on the
What if everything you ever desired, dreamed about,
horizon.
yearned for…. happened? What if life blessed you in joyful,
I realized that the first step in saying YES to something new, is to be WILLING and OPEN to experience life in a bigger way. You may think that to fulfill a passion and a dream, you must have things all figured out, jump in with gusto and keep going no matter what. Change brings up all sorts of fears and resistance. Before any desires can be actualized,
unexpected and delightful ways? Close your eyes and rest in that space of having. Notice what comes up mentally, emotionally, and physically. Would your arms be open to receive? How would you and your life change?
you must make a decision to have what you really want
Who would you become?
from a place of willingness.
A shift in perspective will change the landscape of your
Asking you, “Am I willing?” is an invitation to freely play
reality.
and explore the field of limitless possibilities without the
2. Challenge the messages you tell yourself. Fear, anger,
burden of shoulds and have tos, which can take the joy out of life. Being willing and open, with childlike wonder, invites magic and miracles; to flow with life and see each day as a
doubt, and feelings of unworthiness will keep you entrenched in emotional suffering. God doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies the called. Years ago, I worked in a recovery center, leading therapy groups. At the close of
grand adventure.
each session we formed a circle, said the Serenity Prayer,
Here are three ways to deliberately play in the field of
don’t make no junk.”
and ended with, “I know I am somebody special cuz God
willingness:
1. Experiment. Focus on a change you wish to make. One way to explore is using the “What If?” game. 82 BellaMia June 2015
Let go of using past experiences as an excuse and reason to hold yourself back. Within you is the power of your
spirit to navigate any life situation with ease and Grace. All experiences have value to help you learn about who you are and reveal what you really, really want. Take the gifts and
overwhelmed or stuck… Stop and breathe. Think and feel into something you really, really want.
learning to plant seeds for a blessed present and limitless
Ask yourself, ‘Am I willing for… (whatever you want) to
tomorrow.
manifest in my life?’
3. Trust and follow your heart. Stay consistent with your
Make that verbal declaration to yourself and the Universe.
spiritual and self-care practices to stay centered and
‘Yes, I am willing and open to….’ Be specific in what you are
connected to the wellspring of wisdom within you. Take
inviting into your life as a prayer.
time to pause, integrate, and rest when you need to just BE! Sometimes you must be ‘out of your mind’ to hear the whispers of your heart. Your Higher Nature knows the quickest route to live your greatest life. Being willing also means letting go of the need to control, manage, and direct
Let go of the need to know how, what, or when your prayer will be answered. What you don’t know how to do, the Universe does. Trust that you will be shown and intuitively guided through experiences that will serve you in the
what happens to allow Life to guide you with ease and
highest way.
Grace.
Then… be open to the magic of miracles!!
So, the next time you find yourself using excuses,
Lorraine Cohen
struggling, empowering your fears, questioning your
www.lorrainecohen.com
brilliance and competence, giving up, feeling frustrated,
83
Possibilities • Purpose • Passion • • •
Gain clarity about your Next Step Clear the blocks to Abundance, Love, Success Master new strategies for Happiness
Together we will develop the Roadmap for you to Live Your Richest Life
Rosemary Bredeson The Scientific Mystic Spiritual Teacher/Mentor/Medium www.TheScientificMystic.com Rosemary@TheScientificMystic.com
+1 410-991-6139 84 BellaMia June 2015
85
New Paradigm
Baby Boomers Catching the Wave Hanging Ten on the Silver Tsunami Tina Ketchie Stearns
his summer the surfers will be out in droves catching the biggest waves they can spot, hanging
1. Eat Clean - Eat one-ingredient foods as much as possible. For example, nuts, fruits and vegetables are one-
ten and loving life. There is another huge wave
ingredient foods. Organic is expensive but worth it if you
the older crowd is catching and it is called the
can afford it.
Silver Tsunami. If you were born between 1946 and 1964, you are a baby boomer. If you are not a baby boomer but have a boomer in your life, keep reading! I am a boomer born in 1957, and I have lots of company as 10,000 baby boomers turn 65 years old every day. Baby boomers are the Silver Tsunami. I have always enjoyed
2. Exercise – People who live in the Blue Zones eat what comes out of their fields, which means they have to tend their fields, which is their form of exercise. They don’t go to a gym, they simply work their fields, care for their livestock (free of injections of who knows what), and feed
being one of the baby boomers, but I was not thrilled to
their families from these organic sources.
realize I am only seven short years from turning 65 and
3. Hanky Panky – Yes! Sex is good for you, but you knew
being a card carrying member of the Silver Tsunami. Then the light bulb came on - I may be 58, but I feel more like I am 28! Many of my friends who are my age and older, seem to feel and act more like 20 or 30 something, than 50 or 60 something.
that! People who live in the Blue Zones know it too, and enjoy active sex lives well into what you would consider “old age”. Remember, most great sexual experiences are about how someone makes you feel, not only physically but mentally, so hanky panky can come in many forms. Get
How do they do it? Lots of emphasis today on healthy
creative!
living and taking care of you emotionally, spiritually and
4. Humor - Belly laughs are a key ingredient to living a
socially has a lot to do with it. We can also take some tips from some very special areas of the world where people seem to have access to the proverbial fountain of youth. Have you heard of the Blue Zones?
long, happy life. If you are surrounding yourself with people who bring you joy and laughter, you are on the right track to a long life! Similarly, if you are surrounding yourself with people who bring you down, think about
There are five areas in the world called the Blue Zones,
changing the company you keep!
where it is common for people to live well past 100. The
5. A sense of belonging – This is an important part of the
Blue Zones have common characteristics that seem to contribute to these apparent fountains of youth, and if you will try to incorporate some of their lifestyle into your daily life, you can increase your chances of living a long, vital, healthy life too! 86 BellaMia June 2015
formula to a long life for people who live in the Blue Zones. Whether it is belonging to a family, a spiritual group, Girls Night Out, whatever you call your “tribe”, find a group who shares your passions. Give and accept love and support with those who will love you unconditionally.
Will I one day be part of the Silver Tsunami? Yes, so bring
hard and often with family and friends you care about,
it on! I feel more alive and in touch with my purpose and
and if at all possible, having lots of sex with your heart
my true self at 58 than I ever felt at 28. I hope you embrace
connection partner! That’s what I call living a great life!
the years ahead with the excitement of a child while dreaming as big as you can and enjoying the journey while following those dreams. Bring the Blue Zones to your
Tina Ketchie Stearns
www.gofreepants.com
backyard by eating well, having fun exercising, laughing
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New Paradigm
Happy Birthday to YOU! Rosemary Bredeson very day, no matter how old or how young you are, you can adopt a new way of thinking, especially about yourself and who you are. Every morning is a rebirth, a new start, a ‘birthday.’ People sometimes believe that they can’t change. My wonderful Mother used to say, ‘I’m too old to change.’ But in her 60s she studied TM and started to meditate. She also adopted an attitude of ‘NMP – Not My Problem’ that freed her to relax about feeling responsible for everything and everyone around her. When we said that she had changed, she replied, “I didn’t change, I just changed my attitude!”
When you find yourself stuck in a rut, or not sure what
Every morning is an opportunity to make new choices
your next step is, remind yourself that you are always at
about the direction in which your life will lead. Do you
a point of choice in your life. What benefits are there to
consider this when you wake up?
staying in that rut? Do you really not know the next step? Or are you afraid of what it might ask of you and, therefore, you choose not to seek help in identifying it? Happy Birthday to YOU!!! Today is your birthday. You get to choose who you are today, right now, in this moment. You don’t even have to be the same as you were when you woke up this morning. OR you can decide that you like the YOU who woke up and you re-decide to celebrate YOU! Either way, it’s your birthday today. Remember that your circumstances are not you. Remember that the people around you are not you – they are mirrors to help you grow.
Or do you start your day with complaints? About not enough sleep, or aches and pains, or a long to-do list? At this time in human history, you are being asked to step into your power and your purpose and propel yourself forward in the direction of your dreams. Yes, it is your dream and your vision of your future that pull you into that future. You can move into that vision or you can choose to stay in your present, fighting against the energy to move forward. Believe it or not, it takes more energy to stay stuck than it does to move forward. You must fight the strong current of the energy of the Universe that wants to support your
Every day is an opportunity to grow, to learn, to be
forward movement if you would keep everything as it is.
compassionate, to share, to shine your Light. Every day is
When you surrender to the forces that carry you forward
a choice – to be happy, sad, contented, upset. Every day is
on your personal journey you will find the fulfillment that
a chance for renewal – of yourself, your relationships, and
you seek.
your circumstances. Every day is your birthday. With each sunrise, your new day, your new life, begins. 88 BellaMia June 2015
Decide today that you will choose to move forward in your life. When you wake up tomorrow, start your day with the thought, “How can I take a step forward along my path? What can I do today that helps me to grow, to advance in
my consciousness, to understand something I’ve struggled
are able to see from a new perspective with each return
with before, or to live my purpose more fully?”
of the spiral, to and understand in a new way what we
This first decision is the hardest part. It’s much easier
couldn’t see before.
to pull the covers over your head and go back to sleep,
So when you wake up tomorrow, decide to en-JOY the day.
literally or figuratively. But now is not the time to sleep. It
Reach inside for the Light and the Joy that resides in that
is the time to awaken to the wonderful opportunities that
Light, and shine it out into the world. Happiness can rest
abound in front of you.
on circumstances, but Joy is ever existing within the Light.
This is not the time to look at the past and judge yourself harshly for doing or not doing something in the past. Today is a new day. Give yourself a pat on the back for opening to the awareness that there are opportunities in
Touch it. Celebrate YOU!!! Happy Birthday to YOU!!!
front of you, and for making the decision to move forward
Rosemary Bredeson
in your life.
www.rosemarybredeson.com
Our personal journeys are not linear. They do not go forward in a straight line. They spiral around and around. And, If we are moving forward in our personal growth, we
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New Paradigm
Summer, An Opportunity or an Impending Disaster for You and Your Daughter? Tova Garr or many parents of teens, the thought of the upcoming summer vacation brings one of
What are the available dates (this is the time to exclude family vacation time and other family commitments,
two feelings. If they are sending their kids
whether date specific or daily). What other commitments
off to summer camp, they may be anticipating
and responsibilities does she have and how much time will
relief, and if not, they may already be beginning to feel a sense of dread. What are they going to do with their teen all summer? How much will it cost? What trouble are their teens going to get into? These are just a few of the comments I hear from parents as summer approaches. What’s your story? How do you feel as summer approaches? What if we could look at this differently? What if, instead of being something to dread, summer was something to embrace? What a great opportunity to teach your daughter to dream, and to make those dreams a reality. Summer is a great time to learn balance and responsibility, to set goals and learn the necessary commitment required to achieve them. Here are the steps to helping your daughter make the most out of her summer: Step 1- Setting Goals and Clarifying Boundaries. The first step in every project knows what your goals are. Help your daughter by asking questions, to help her clarify what she would like to do this summer. Sleeping in late and hanging out with friends can and should be on the list, but see what else she is interested in. This is a great time to be able to go deep and explore what she is passionate about. Encourage her to make a list of her goals, and perhaps explore some new ones she had not thought of before (this is where you come in). Together, clarify the boundaries, so everyone is on the same page. Lay out information like: 90 BellaMia June 2015
they take? This is also a good time to clarify if you have any red lines, or what I like to call the “absolutely not” category. Life is easier for everyone when we know clearly what is open for discussion and what is not. Step 2- Mapping It All Out In order to help your daughter be successful, you want to help her learn the steps to successfully implementing a plan. My suggestion would be to get a large whiteboard and start mapping out the summer break with all the information you gathered in step 1 - goals, dates, commitments etc. Once it is all up there, it is clear what the framework is. You can start breaking it down into smaller pieces. What does she want to do? How much will it cost? When and where? This is when you find out where there is alignment between your needs and hers, and where they differ. Since everything is on the table, it is possible to come to an agreement through open discussion and compromise as you attempt to meet everyone’s needs. This can prevent a lot of fighting and misunderstanding. Step 3- Creating a Plan This is where your daughter gets to prioritize and decide what she really wants to do. Now it’s clear that she is expected to: 1. Take on and commit to achieving her goals. 2. Create a plan to make it happen.
This is a great time to help your daughter learn how to
annoyed when you remind her to get out of bed and get to
think long-term. For example, if she wants to go with
work, you both know it is because she asked for your help.
her friends to a concert mid-summer and you are willing to help with 50% of the cost, how much babysitting/ life guarding/ etc. does she need to do, to pay for the rest? If she has never earned any of her own money before, what can she do to make the money she wants to be able to spend this summer?
Using this process with your daughter, no matter how young she is (just adjust to make it age appropriate), will teach her to take ownership over her wants and needs, learn to express them in a productive way, negotiate and compromise, and most importantly, it will deepen your connection and understanding, and ensure you all have a
Step 4- Making It Happen
happy and successful summer.
Talk about strategies for staying accountable to her plan
Tova Garr
and vision. Where can she do this on her own, and where
www.tovagarr.com
does she need your help and support? This way you can support her at her request. While she may still get
91
New Paradigm
Helping Children Establish Boundaries Alexandra Johnatakis dults have the privilege of being able to say no to things they don’t want to do. Learning where our boundaries are and when to say no is a crucial part of being an emotionally mature individual. Children however, have many things that they don’t get to say no to, toothbrushing, hand washing, and bed time come to mind. They are still learning their physical and emotional limits, and need parents to protect their health while also letting them have age-appropriate experiences that let them learn where their boundaries are.
“Because I said so.” Children are still learning how the world around them works. When they hear “no” they usually want to know “why.” Taking time to explain to them why we don’t throw spaghetti on the walls makes them less likely to do it again. Kids love explanations. They take more time initially for parents, but in the long run, explanations make life easier, enabling kids to evaluate situations for themselves. However, there is one situation where “because I said so” should always be valid: physical boundaries. Kids
expected to share everything. Of course, as parents, we want our children to be generous, but too often personal boundaries are sacrificed on the altar of being nice. Before playmates come over, encourage kids to put away toys that they do not feel comfortable sharing. Support them by putting the toys away out of sight, and reassuring children that the toys will be safe. Once special toys are out of the picture, even the most “selfish” children can be pretty good at sharing. Taking Ownership
constantly face well-meaning friends and family who
Nobody is perfect. Parents make mistakes, and so do
demand physical affection. Young children are lifted up,
children. It’s part of the human experience. Another part
spun around, and cajoled into hugs and kisses. Sometimes,
of the human experience is occasionally being grouchy for
kids are even bribed by parents into giving physical
no particular reason. As a parent, it can be easy to blame
affection to relatives. The underlying message is that if an
the toys, mess, and noise of kids for a bad mood. It can
adult asks them to do something with their body that they
even be easy to tell them “you’re making me so angry!”
are uncomfortable with, they should do it. Frankly, what
Honestly, kids can be frustrating, but ultimately, bad
parent wants their kids to learn that? When it comes to
moods belong to the person in the funk.
physical space, “I don’t want to” should always be a good enough reason. Sharing is… caring? As an adult, it would be absurd for a guest to come over and expect to have access to everything in our homes, especially our most valued possessions. Yet children are 92 BellaMia June 2015
Kids need to learn that it’s okay to have negative emotions. It’s okay to express them. But they also need to learn that it’s not okay to try to hurt other people emotionally or physically because of negative emotions. It will still happen. We’re human. And when it does, we apologize. Even as parents. Modeling to our children that we also
make mistakes, and that we sometimes need to apologize
start by encouraging them to test limits, set limits, and
for things we’ve done helps them learn to do the same.
follow limits.
Setting and maintaining personal boundaries is a life-long
Alexandra Johnatakis
endeavor. As parents, we can help our children get an early
93
No Briefcases Required
Have you found your Brand G-Spot Yet? Umoh Luna lot goes into creating a
expression of the divine moving through you. It’s the song
compelling, successful business.
of your mission and the fire at the heart of your movement.
One of the most important
It’s the essence behind what you do and who you are. Find
and profitable secrets is
the words, ideas and the tone to capture this. Then capture
landing high end clients. But
the hearts and minds of your high end clients.
how do you attract high end clients? With so many pieces of the puzzle, where to start? If you don’t have a strong sense of direction, you can get stuck running in circles. Maybe you’re busy but nothing is happening. Or you’re working really hard and
This is your Brand G-Spot and here’s why it’s so important. Experts are a dime a dozen these days. Access to information is unlimited and instantly available. But people want a real person they relate to and trust.
the clients are slowly, just barely coming in. Here’s the
Your Visionary Voice naturally attracts the people that
good news. There is a way to get things moving fast.
resonate with you the most. It’s what turns your clients on
You just need to find the G-Spot in your brand. Then everything else starts to line up. Just like with an exquisite
and makes them want to get intimate with you. Your vision voice is confirmation that you are the one they want!
orgasm, first you have to find that sweet spot. Then you
Here are the 3 S’s of a Superstar Visionary Voice. Master
layer all the other important pieces on top. This only
these 3 keys to unlock it. Then you’ll attract and excite
makes it sweeter and hotter!
your tribe. From here it’s pretty easy to inspire high paying
That’s how you create that mind blowing experience with your brand. This will draw in high end clients in droves. When you hit your Brand G-Spot, the fireworks explode
clients to buy. You can generate all of the leads that you need by leveraging your Visionary Voice strategically. First you have to find it. This is how you do that.
and you’ve struck gold. If you don’t nail this people won’t
1. Story
be ready to buy from you. They won’t know what makes
Your Story is your personal journey revealing your
you special.
transformation. It has to be real and vulnerable!
There is a secret to showing them this. This opens up their
This shows that you know how to unravel pain and solve
eyes to why you are the prize. It’s not your offers, your opt-
the client’s problem. You’ve been there too. This is also
in, your niche or your marketing message. It’ll make your
where you also address their hidden fears and concerns.
copy juicy and delicious. It’s the missing thread that will
Instead of confronting them, you create an intimate
blow up your brand and make your business blossom. It
heartfelt connection.
will attract your ideal clients even as you change offers and shift your niche.
2. Style
It’s your Visionary Voice. What’s that? It’s the unique
through and being yourself. When you let the real you
94 BellaMia June 2015
Your Style is really about letting your personality shine
shine, you stand out from the crowd and make it so much
what makes you unique, one of a kind and polarizing. You
easier for your tribe to find you. You are the one they have
do want to polarize people. It’s actually the key to drawing
been waiting to invest with!
in your super-fans and repelling clients that aren’t a fit.
Sometimes when we are being “professional”, we come
When you hide and play nice, you blend into the wallpaper.
across as boring. There are tons of people who do what
That will not turn your people on. They buy from the
you do, who may even have a similar story. But there are
person that excites and ignites them. The most powerful
not tons of people who have your personality and no one
way to do this is simple. Just be courageous enough to
can outdo you, being you.
reveal your secrets and quirks. Get naked and watch the
3. Spice Our Spice is what makes us edgy, sexy, different or maybe even downright controversial. This is the part of yourself
fireworks start happening in your business! Umoh Luna
www.sacredbranding.com
and your voice that you probably try to hide. But it’s also
95
No Briefcases Required
A Seat at the Table: Show Up, Sit Down and Keep Coming Back Cecelia Dawe-Gillis
uring the Philadelphia launch of “Know Your Value”, Elizabeth Warren made it very clear how important it is to have a seat at the table. “If you’re not at the table, you’re on the menu.”i Hearing this brought back vivid memories of a group of very accomplished women who experienced feelings of frustration and powerlessness at being left out of key decision making processes. Ironically, the people who were seemingly running roughshod over them were clueless as to the impact their actions had on these women and their staff.
Over the course of time, things changed. These managers
problem, explore a few solutions to the situation. Role
were given a seat at the table. For the first few months,
play if needed. Role playing, or “hot seats,” can be very
each regularly attended the weekly planning meeting.
illuminating. Having a few alternatives can be powerful
What they had to say made a difference. They felt fully
and extremely helpful. Perhaps the group might have
empowered. Then, little by little, one-by-one, they
benefited from sending a designated representative to
stopped coming to the weekly meeting. Each person had a
the meeting. They could have rotated who attended the
reasonable justification for missing the meeting. However,
meeting so the group would have been assured that their
the point that eluded them was how important it was to
interests were represented. Plus, their “presence” would
show up, sit down, and keep coming back. Simply having
have been seen, and felt.
an open invitation was not enough. Being fully committed is crucial to seeing the process through and ultimately to make a difference.
“Going along to get along”, may be a big power
giveaway.In this scenario, the entire group of managers gradually stopped attending the weekly decision
It is hard to say why they all stopped coming to the
making meeting. It’s not enough just knowing there’s
meetings. But, over time, things reverted to the old way
an open invitation to attend a meeting. It’s important to
of doing business. From the vantage point of a rear view
show up. When people start falling by the wayside, it’s
mirror, the following pearls of wisdom are offered to you
imperative that someone holds them accountable. This
and your colleagues.
requires courage and the ability to say what needs to be
Explore a few solutions. As you’ve seen in the example above, being able to
said; appropriate to the moment.
Be alert.
attend the planning meeting was only one solution.
When you see people reverting to their old patterns
This was clearly not enough. When presented with a
of behavior, delve deeper to see what’s really going on
96 BellaMia June 2015
beneath the surface. Growth never occurs from “within
No matter where you are along the management
your comfort zone”. Perhaps the group can create an
continuum, know that relinquishing your power, “going
emergency tool kit, containing strategies, to use when old
along to get along (a.k.a. group think)”, serves no one.
behavior patterns show up. It’s better to have a plan and
When you are fully present, and stand in your power,
not need it, than to need a plan, and not have one.
everyone is better served.
Learn from past experience. We are complex human beings with tremendous demands on our time and talents. Every now and then, we don’t always get it right. And yet, we can learn from past experience. Set your intention to do your very best moving
Remember, when you ask for a seat at the table, show up, sit down, and keep coming back. Then, you can experience firsthand, how amazing and empowering it is and feels! Cecelia Dawe-Gillis
www.palmpurpose.com
forward. View each situation as a learning opportunity and see what’s possible. 97
Source
DNA – The Akashic Record Lies Within Patricia Cori In this amazing time, described in many ancient traditions as the Great Shift of Ages, many of us feel as though we are whirling around in an unfathomable race that has us racing forward so fast we seem to find it more and more difficult to find the time to enjoy the simple beauty of our daily lives – the now moment. Caught up in a very tangible sense of duality that defines our physical existence, many of us feel, on the one hand, tethered to an unstoppable technological revolution, which brings a staggering new field of issues to civilization (some amazing and others unsettling), and, on the other, to a more spiritual quest for higher meaning and the purpose of our own existence and that of those with whom we share our lives.
At the center of this volley of human experience and
waiting to be pieced back together, like an intricate jigsaw
technology, in which the very genetic essence of all life
puzzle that reconnects us to our star family, heals the
on planet earth is being manipulated and altered, lies the
morphogenetic field, and rewires the entire being, in
foremost question of our evolving DNA. We are receiving
preparation for the ascension process. That is the potential
from spirit the secret, sacred wisdom that regards the
that awaits us all and is available to those of us who wish to
original blueprint of homo sapiens, that, according to
accelerate the process.
the information I have been privileged to bring through from spirit, was a twelve stranded, light bodied Christed consciousness, a race designed by beings beyond – to be nested here in the garden of the Earth, Gaia, and left to flourish. So much has interfered with that perfected state of being that modern man has been reduced to a polarized, two-stranded helix of DNA, where the nature of duality, that struggle of darkness and light playing out in earth’s fields, is coded right into the intelligent blueprint of our being. That is changing now. We are beginning to reassemble the pieces of this ancient genetic puzzle. Scientists estimate that about 92% of our original DNA is strewn about within our molecular structure – they continue to refer to this wealth of information as “junk DNA.” There is nothing within us that is junk … no divine error. Everything serves. However, these pieces of architectural information – our very blueprint – are scattered and disassembled within us. But it is all there, 98 BellaMia June 2015
Many of us today are suffering from feelings of not belonging to this planet and longing to return to a place they sense, but may not necessarily remember. We believe we are starseeds from other planets and star systems who have come to help planet earth through this time of transition and massive change. And as the planet struggles in the clutches of forces that would prefer to drag us into the shadow, the time to remember that light source and our mission is now. We are ascending the spiral of light, climbing higher, intent on raising the flame of our passion and compassion for the entire planet, lightworkers of the age. DNA is woven through us just as it woven through the multiverse – this is the divine coil of all intelligence, conscious creation. Activation of that dormant information aligns us with our soul’s purpose and helps us remember our mission in this density, as we awaken to the multidimensional reality of existence.When we
recreate the crystalline grids of sacred geometry within,
Now is the time to remember who we really are, and what
we release fear and separation, reconnect to our star
we came to achieve on this Earth. Now is the time – and
nations, and potentially clear the way to the achievement
we are the ones we have been waiting for. Be empowered!
of Christed awareness in body. Replacing the damaged
Know that everything you need is within you, waiting to be
structures and destructive mental constructs held in the
discovered. So it is‌so it forever shall be.
memory of the cellular body with the cosmic patterns and sacred geometrical grids of enlightened awareness, we accelerate the process of ascending the spiral of light.
Patricia Cori
www.patriciacori.com
99
Bellascope by Suzanne Taylor, Angel Channel - talkwiththedatingcoach@gmail.com
Aries
Gemini
Taurus
Aries 21 March - 20 April
Taurus 21 April - 21 May
Gemini 22 May - 21 June
Expect a check Aries as you direct your
Your summer predictions were visually
A little late this year for a spring clean
blazing energy into work commitments
projected to me in the form of the
Gemini, so let’s call it a summer detox!
this summer. Whether you are thinking
monkey puzzle. No way in, and no way
You are on the cusp of entering a new
about expanding a current business,
out. An ongoing issue will be resolved, as
phase which will lead you through
applying for a promotion, or launching
well as a difficult state of mind through
double doors - sign posted ‘Freedom’. As
a new project; you are alert, active, and
the act of time out. Self love deepens
the saying states; out with the old, and
ready to enhance your skill. You are
through an inner discovery program.
in with the new, you will feel the need to
being encouraged to sign the contract, and accept your new responsibilities.
Lucky Color: Yellow Keyword: Success
Lucky Color: Apple
de-clutter, and tie up any loose ends in and around you. Feng Shui sparks your
Green Keyword: Prayer
interest.
Romance: Love intensifies
Lucky Color: Kaki
through Retreat!
Romance: Fire sparks accidently!
Keyword: Love Romance: An old flame drives into town!
Cancer
Leo
Virgo
Cancer 22 June - 23 July
Leo 24 July - 23 August
Virgo 24 August - 23 Sept
A romantic summer ahead Cancer as
An adventurous summer ahead Leo with
As summer time raises your vibration
you experience a vibration of pure love.
rich food, shopping, and socializing with
Virgo it’s time to roll your sleeves up
Single or attached you will find yourself
friends. Remember not to overindulge
and get things done, especially in and
being surrounded by interesting
with your plastic cash card as you enjoy
around your family life. We understand
characters who seek companionship,
the rush summer brings. Generosity
high standards are expected Virgo -
and deeper levels of intimacy.
and gratitude always enhance our
think before you speak, as someone
Emotionally you will experience peace,
positive attitude Leo, enjoy your strong
around you, acts out of character.
love, and harmony as the Cherub’s
alignment with the Universe this season,
Romance is high, and your health is at
nourish your soul.
and have your party shoes at the ready.
its peak. Open your channels through
Lucky Color: Red
Lucky Color: Gold
Keyword: Love
Keyword: Popular
Romance: Romance explodes
Romance: Synchronicity brings you
all around you.
both together.
reading romantic novels.
Lucky Color: Violet Keyword: Love Romance: Romance blossoms over a fashionable dinner.
100 BellaMia June 2015
Libra
Scorpio
Sagittarius
Libra 24 Sept - 23 Oct
Scorpio 24 Oct - 22 Nov
Sagittarius 23 Nov -21 Dec
Comforts are required as you feel under
Scorpio you enter summer with a new
Summer has arrived Sagittarius and
pressure to make an important decision
project lurking within your mind.
your being analytical of what needs
this summer. By joining a Yoga class
Your magnetizing energy is perfect
to change for the better. A lifestyle
you will channel your energy more
for attracting the material objects you
makeover is on the cards, you find
effectively letting go of the attitude that
require in order to get things done.
the will that finds the way entering a
there is not enough hours in the day.
Socializing is on the cards for you as
period for new beginnings. As a work
Family time and making memories
you will naturally bring nourishment
opportunity arises this season it is
is important to you this season as
to others during this transition period.
important to drown out any negative
you experience a deeper heartfelt
Think carefully this season as you
doubts by, overpowering them, with
connection with one-self.
connect with big heart; your manifesting
more positive ones.
Lucky Color: Pink Keyword: Self-love Romance: Heads bump at a wildlife park.
power is on fire.
Lucky Color: Red Keyword: Dynamic Romance: Heads turn within
Lucky Color: Bright Yellow Keyword: Stamina Romance: Waiting in a cue sparks a romantic gesture.
a bookstore.
Capricorn
Aquarius
Pisces
Capricorn 22 Dec - 20 Jan
Aquarius 21 Jan - 19 Feb
Pisces 20 Feb - 20 March
You will find yourself getting involved
An urge to spend quality time outdoors
Time out is important Pisces, but
this summer Capricorn with projects
this summer will be experienced as
isolation can have adverse effects on
that require communication. You are
you feel a little stretched due to an
your health. You are moving into lighter
able to surface a new found confidence
unexpected shift within your energy
vibrations as repressed emotions
which helps you, to take a stand, and
vibration. You are being pulled towards
evaporate with ease; which is all down
step into the role of a respectable
travel which may include a back packing
to learning from your past experiences.
leader. Studying is important this
adventure, and plenty socializing with
Moving into July your artistic side attracts
season; remember, and embrace your
strangers. Your smile is infectious which
opportunity is sure to act upon intuition.
natural surroundings by reading in the
binds with your care free attitude, as you
sunshine.
live in the here and now.
Lucky Color: Blue
Lucky Color: Pale blue
Keyword: Communication
Keyword: Peace
Romance: Water spills at a
Romance: Holiday adventure.
Lucky Color: Burnt Orange Keyword: Consciousness Romance: Romance is greeted in an unexpected manner
charity event.
101
SOS
Body Image SOS Mary E. Pritchard, Ph.D., HHC Question “I seem to be stuck on low self-esteem regarding my body image issues because I’ve had mean things said to me by people in the past, especially men. Please help.” Answer Criticism hurts; even when it is said in jest – and called “teasing.” Research suggests that criticism about your body can have a very harmful and lasting impact on your feelings about yourself for decades. So know that you are not alone. That being said, it’s time to reinvent your body esteem. First, we need to heal your negative body image.
saying “You are fat” or “You or stupid” to yourself.) 3) Start celebrating what you love about you (both physical traits and personality characteristics). 4) Be grateful to and for your body – it performs thousands of miracle every day just to keep you alive. For more on improving your body image, see my article in this month’s issue: How Do You Fall in Love with Your Body Again? Question “I used to feel good about my body, but ever since I had my twin boys two years ago, my husband has gotten more critical about what I eat and how I look. When I reach for seconds or want to have dessert, he’ll often ask me if I’m really going to eat that or says shouldn’t you be watching your weight? What should I do?”
I want you to write a letter to each person who’s ever said
Answer
anything nasty to you about your body. Get it all out – how
I think we have two issues here: 1) your feelings about your
it made you feel, what you did as a result, how it made you
body, and 2) your husband’s criticism. I will address each
doubt yourself. Once you’ve gotten it down, I want you to
in turn. First, how do you feel about your body now? Do
burn those letters, saying, “I forgive you and release you.”
you still feel good about your body? If so, then great. Keep
Note that forgiveness is not about atonement; it’s about
on doing what you’re doing. If not, then read my answer
you giving yourself the room to move on; about letting go
to the question above so that you can start transforming
of the notion that the past could have been any different.
your own feelings about your body. Now, let’s deal with
Next, we need to rebuild your body esteem. I want you
your husband. It’s time to set some boundaries where he
to do these four things: 1) Stop comparing your body to
is concerned. He needs to know that commenting on your
everyone else (your sister, Cindy Crawford, your neighbor,
food intake and your appearance is not his business, or his
etc.). 2) Stop the negative self-talk (no more thinking or
right. First, tell him how much what he says is hurting you.
102 BellaMia June 2015
Be sure to use “I” statements – make it about your feelings rather than his behavior. For example, “I feel hurt when you ask me if I’m going to eat dessert because it makes me think you don’t value me for who I am.” Then tell him what you do want. For example, “I am confident in my ability to make my own decisions about my food choices and my health. I appreciate your concern, but I know what’s best for me.” If that doesn’t stop him in his tracks, you might need to get even more direct. “I know you mean well, but what you are saying to me is hurtful. I need you
seem to be going according to plan in our own lives. First, I commend your desire and willingness to speak with your husband. Have some faith that the required heightened vulnerability needed with your discussion will also bring about enhanced emotional intimacy between you. I might suggest creating the time and space for the conversation as well being prepared to have a heartfelt discussion sharing your feelings as well as being empathic and open to hearing his.
to stop right now and not say things like that to me in the
I believe that a women is responsible for her our own
future.” If he still won’t stop, this may be a sign of another
orgasm. By that I mean that each woman needs to
issue, one that is deeper than his comments about your
understand how her body’s arousal system works, what
food choices and your weight. Often we judge people
brings her pleasure and when needed, be willing to share
for things we feel are lacking in ourselves or because of
that with her partner.
the way we have been treated in the past (e.g., maybe his mother criticized his weight and food choices when he was a child). If that is the case, you might want to seek out a marriage counselor to heal the rift in your marriage caused by his hurtful comments and to help the two of you communicate with each other in a more compassionate way.
While it still remains unclear why woman have orgasms, yes it’s true, woman don’t need to have an orgasm to get pregnant or give birth. Orgasms are pleasurable, and they enhance the sexual bond between a couple. Please know that gone is the old wives’ tale that some woman simply can’t have orgasms. A recent Danish researcher presented highly successful results of women who had long histories of difficulties with orgasm. In fact of the
The Art of the Female Orgasm
500 female participants, 25% had never had an orgasm.
By, Karen
and practical sex-therapy involving clitoral vibrators, 93%
M Anderson, Licensed Psychotherapist
With the doctor’s method of self-love, body acceptance of the woman were able to reach climax. Given their ages
Question
ranged from 18-88, clearly the results demonstrate that
I’ve been married to my husband for almost 6 years. While
you are never to late to find your mojo!
we are great friends and enjoy many similar activities, I’ve been too embarrassed to talk to him about our sex life. I don’t think I have orgasms when we have sex. Why?? I’m not entirely sure because I do enjoy it, but I certainly don’t
Here are some facts and resources for you to explore and share with your husband to gain more understanding of arousal and your body.
believe I’m experiencing what I hear other’s discuss, or
1) The need for foreplay, foreplay and more foreplay!
what I see in movies or on television. I feel I’m ready to talk
Foreplay, considered the “pre sexual play” before
to my husband but what do I say? Also, what can be done
intercourse, is a fundamental component to the female
about this problem after I’ve shared it with him? ~M.O
orgasm. The touching, kissing or manual stimulation
Answer Hi M.O. While we live in a culture that promotes sex at
enhances the female arousal process that is needed for the build up of blood flow in the pelvic area.
every turn, it can still be a sensitive subject for many
2) Most women require not only foreplay, but some form
couples to discuss. In fact, I propose that due to the
of stimulation of the clitoris or clitoral area. An orgasm is
commonplace aspect and abundance of sexual images and
a series of involuntary vaginal contractions that are akin
innuendo, it can be all the more difficult when it doesn’t 103
to the release of an energetic charge. A charge can be enhanced and built up through stimulation, breath work, foreplay or actual intercourse. 3) If you and your husband have difficulty discussing openly with one another, what each other likes sexually, I would encourage you to explore different sex books together where you can both point to or suggest sexual positions or play that would interest you.
and so different from the ex girlfriend. Personally, I would look at the ex as a big warning flag. It’s so easy to see people as separate and to not see the dynamics of the whole. If you are to believe that we unconsciously feed people the “scripts” of how they show up, how they treat you and what they do and say, then how would that relate to this situation with this man and his ex? How much of
4) I would encourage you read up on the subject. The
her craziness and manipulation is just her following the
Female Orgasm by Dorian Solat and Marshall Miller, it
energetic orders she’s been given by him?
is a great place to start. There are other books written for women, by women, which discuss in intimate detail, how to begin and move through the process of becoming orgasmic, as well. 5) If you have a history of sexual abuse or sexual trauma, the subject matter and participation with your husband may seem daunting. I would encourage you to find an
Move forward knowing that he is most likely a closet lover of drama. How much drama has he had with her? How much drama is he currently having with her? I know he’s probably telling you how much he hates, how he doesn’t know how it turned out like this, etc. The reality is he is secretly creating it.
experienced therapist in your area that can gently assist
My concern is how crazy is he going to make you? Will you
you in working through some of your trauma or concerns.
turn manipulative the way she did?
Lastly, keep in mind that we are spiritual beings wired
Unless he has done personal development since breaking
psychologically, neurologically and biologically for
up with her, nothing has changed internally for him. Ok,
connection. This form of bond and connection with your
this is a generalization and maybe things have changed.
husband can and will enhance your relationship. More
The only way to know for sure is to ask questions:
importantly it will enhance and deepen your connection to yourself. I commend you on your desire and willingness to take charge of your sexual pleasure and health!
Relationship Rescue By Angela
Gower-Johnson
If I date this man, what will my life look like in five years time? If I don’t date this man, what will my life look like in five years time? Get past what he seems to be and the possibilities, and get into what is really possible for you. A great question to ask here is: What would it take for something like this, or better, to show up for me? Using
Question
this question will allow you to create someone even better
What would you suggest to someone who is considering
to show up! Most likely without the crazy manipulative ex
getting further involved with a heartfelt, beautiful man
and the secret addiction to drama!
who has a chaos-filled manipulative ex girlfriend who is crazy?! Nicole B. Washington Answer Wow! This is a great question. It would be so easy to separate the ex girlfriend from what looks like a heartfelt and beautiful man. After all the man seems so delicious 104 BellaMia June 2015
Remember that you are the director of your life!
Spotlight
Cori Rosenthal Cori’s life changed the day she stopped putting her life on hold until she were thin enough to live it. She earned a masters degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and is currently working toward licensure. Today she is co-owner of LA Mindfulness, teaching mindfulness in corporate settings. Additionally she teaches mindful eating workshops and classes to groups in public and private settings. Cori is driven to support others walking through emotional and compulsive behaviors to repair their relationship to food, body and self.
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Author Carolyn Gervais immediately hooks the reader's attention by revealing the profound philosophical questions she, as a small child, asked her grandfather. I really appreciated the author’s biographical stories and I like the way the author explores reality and illusion. "Judge, Writer's Digest 21st Annual Self-Published Book Awards"
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