THE LOVE FILES

The Beauty of Laughter

By Jarrod Thalheimer ant to experience the full beauty that love has to offer? You better start laughing. In 2015, a researcher from the University of Kansas did a complex, in-depth study on men, women, and humor. He discovered that the more laughter a relationship has, the better and stronger it is. But you already knew that, mainly because you’ve been on dates where no one laughed ever and it was painfully awful. Of course laughter is important when it comes to love. Duh! Regular, genuine humor permeates any successful relationship. But the clubs of life can beat down even the happiest among us. What to do when you’re not feeling the funny so much anymore? Here are 5 fresh tips (plus a bonus!) to help bring back the laughs— because that’s why you’re reading this in the first place, right? W 1 ALWAYS LOOK FOR HUMOR At times, life can be crazy, frustrating, or just plain dull. Still, funny exists in the strangest of places. Ask a comedian. The calculation goes something like this: Comedy = tragedy + time. Almost anything is funny once you get some distance from it. Remember when the dog got up on the counter and ate that entire tray of buns you baked for next week’s lunches? You were furious at the time…but now? How about that “intimate” wax job you hoped would be sexy but ended with you limping around like Frankenstein’s assistant Igor for two solid weeks? The sooner (and harder) you can laugh at the silly things that happen to each and every one of us, the better it is for you both. Find the funny and reap the relationship rewards.

3 5 SMILE LOTS (AND MAKE ‘EM SINCERE) While there isn’t any factual evidence behind the old cliché that a frown takes more muscles to execute than a smile, the ideal remains the same: Smiling is always better than frowning— but only if it’s real. Don’t force it. Everyone can tell a fake smile—that kind of face-frozen, “I’m a hostage to fake emotion” teeth flare some try to pass off as one. Think happy thoughts to make that grin super-groovy. A real smile is a natural invitation for good news, positive insights, and friendly interactions—not to mention happy looks in return. Greet the world with a sincere smile. You’ll be glad you did!

LAUGH TOGETHER Laughter does all sorts of important, physical things in your body. It alters your dopamine levels, increases serotonin activity, and can even relieve depression and anxiety. Why not do it together? Watch your favorite comedian or a movie or TV show that makes you both laugh. Laughing together not only doubles the health benefits, it also reinforces the happiness you already share. Plus, laughing together is fun. Fire up Netflix and get searching for some comedy gold you can share. 4 2 ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FAILINGS (AND BE WILLING TO LAUGH AT THEM) Nobody is perfect but we sure spend a ton of time pretending we are. Every one of us engages in behaviors that are selfish, petty, greedy, thoughtless, mean, and more. And every single time we refuse to acknowledge these failings we make them stronger still. Maybe you are a sore loser but if you are willing to laugh at the post-game sulk-fests you display every time things don’t go your way, you might be able to laugh a little—or at least dial down the butt-clenching discomfort that usually results from your behavior. That’s more fun for everyone. Don’t take your mistakes so seriously. Try something new: Laugh at your imperfections; it’s the only way they will ever improve. REMEMBER, TEASING IS GOOD (BUT NEVER MOCK) Teasing each other is a playful, intimate way to relate to someone special. When you share a space with someone, few things are off limits and that is fertile ground for the back and forth light teasing requires. And as long as you’re doing it with love, it’s a great way to keep the personal electricity between you high and sparky. Beware of mockery though. Where teasing is gentle and funny, mockery is harsh, pointed, and never delivered with a smile. Teasing—good, mockery—bad. Learn the difference–fast!

BONUS TIP: “The Inside Joke” Remember that time that thing happened, and you two were the only ones who noticed and absolutely died laughing? That’s an inside joke shared between you and yours alone. Hold onto those valuable jewels of one-to-one humor and remind each other of them when you most need a laugh. Sharing an inside joke that no one else gets (or even understands) is the ultimate Krazy Glue for a relationship. Apply some today!

The Beauty of Social Distancing By Ilsy J. Hoo The COVID-19 quarantine forced us to shelter at home, which may have put your social and dating life on pause. If you’re like me and are used to going out to dinner a few times a month, this new normal challenged you to get creative on date nights.

Whether you’re starting a new relationship, getting to know someone online, or are married or single, you can still have fun date nights at home. Take this as a beautiful opportunity to connect without outside distractions.

GO VIRTUAL

If you’re getting to know someone you’ve just met, this is an excellent time to go on a virtual date. There are plenty of effective online tools that people use to conduct business meetings, so why not use them to get to know your potential love?

GET PLAYFULLY CREATIVE: Old-school games can help you learn a lot about each other—and are sure to result in lots of laughs. A game of chess may not work, but Charades might do the trick.

NETFLIX AND CHAT: Make your favorite snack, choose a movie to watch together, and discuss your favorite parts through the chat feature on NetflixParty.com.

GET READY FOR YOUR (CYBER) CLOSE-UP: Put on your favorite dress or most stunning shirt and enjoy getting to know each other from the comfort of your couch. Shoes are optional!

GET CREATIVE

Romantic date nights at home don’t have to be extravagant. You can have fun and creative home dates that are better than any fancy dinner at a restaurant or night out on the town.

TAKE YOUR AT-HOME DINNER DATE UP A NOTCH: Decorate your table with holiday placemats, candles, and fine china. Look up a new recipe and cook up a delicious meal together while listening to your favorite musician. You’ll not only learn something new, it will also give you and your partner an opportunity to be creative in the kitchen.

SIP AND PAINT YOUR WAY TO LOVE: It may only be the two of you, but who said it can’t be a party? Grab a bottle of wine and that “Paint by Numbers” canvas you ordered online (check out OriginalPaintByNumber.com). Grab your paintbrush, some Pinot, and watch the magic happen!

RE-ENACT YOUR FAVORITE LOVE STORY: My fiancé and I recently decided to recreate our favorite moment from “Say Anything.” We had so much fun using our smartphone to videotape the

John Cusack boom box scene and edit it into a cute two-minute video. I posted it on social media, and my family and friends got a good laugh from it. We discovered that we both love ‘80s movies—and that acting is definitely something we should not pursue post-quarantine!

Tune into Real Talk with BELLA for more on this topic:

DATE YOURSELF FIRST

If you’re home alone and single, take this time at home as an opportunity to soul-search, get to know yourself, and think about what you really want from your future partner. After my divorce 11 years ago, I wrote an article for BELLA entitled, “Date Yourself First.” It was about finding things I enjoyed outside being a wife and mom. I realized that watching sports on a Sunday afternoon at home was one thing I truly cherished. Writing in my journal about my thoughts about dating again was also therapeutic.