Assertiveness: the tightrope between confidence and arrogance

Helen Broadbridge, a Trainee Solicitor at Macfarlanes LLP and member of the Equality, Diversity & Inclusion Committee will explore some of the qualities often suggested as lying at the root of women’s lack of progress, in this third of three articles.

Our journey through mindsets and confidence has thus far made for troubling reading. Women allegedly need to realise that they are no longer in an institution that is designed to reward everyone fairly.

As the Lean In canon goes, progress is reserved for those who are bold enough to raise their hand and ask for it. Katty Kay and Claire Shipman give an example of this in their article, The Confidence Gap 1 . They describe the experience of a mutual friend who had two direct reports – let’s call them Amy and Adam. Adam was a relatively new hire, but he was already walking into his manager’s office to make spontaneous pitches, comment on business strategy, or share unsolicited opinions about articles he had read. His manager often shot him down, but he did not seem deterred by the absence of praise. By contrast, Amy had been working with her manager for several years, but still made formal appointments to discuss anything and always prepared an agenda. She was quiet in meetings (focused on taking careful notes) and she took feedback hard. The manager admired Amy’s ability to prepare thoroughly and to work hard, but she admired Adam’s willingness to be wrong and his ability to absorb criticism even more. She valued and relied on Amy, but she felt it was Adam who would soon be on the ascendancy.

It is a neat anecdote, but it may gloss over the untidy reality. By overcoming the fear of taking risks, women are simultaneously taking the real risk of being marked down, rather than up, for their confident displays 2 . If women need to stop ruminating and start acting, but in a way that is confident without being aggressive, what is it that they should be doing exactly? How do we walk the tightrope?

One takeaway from the contrast between Amy and Adam is that doing your current job exactly right might not be exactly the right thing to do. There is a point at which you have to prioritise showcasing your ability to do your next job over showing mastery of your current job. For example, speaking to clients or pitching for work might be key skills in your future role, but completely outside your current job description. We know that women run the risk of being penalised for attempting to operate above their pay grade 3 . Therefore, women can hedge this risk by starting small and building gradually. I like to think of this as aiming to “do more than nothing”. Saying just one thing in a client meeting or on a call is better than saying nothing. Sharing one unsolicited idea with your manager is better than sharing nothing. Giving a small, internal training session to showcase a skill that might otherwise have gone unnoticed is better than doing nothing.

These suggestions are not asking women simply to have confidence or feel good about themselves 4 – if all women needed were a few reassuring words, they would occupy a far higher proportion of senior roles by now. For women to do more than nothing is to assert the right not to obey the strict letter of the job description and to develop gradually into a more senior identity in both their eyes and the eyes of others 5 . Of course, tips on what women can do on an individual level should not overshadow the real need for policy improvements at an institutional level 6 . Organisations must take responsibility for women’s systemic lack of progress and implement policies in areas of known unconscious bias, such as job descriptions 7 , self-promotion 8 , work allocation (especially for non-promotable work) 9 and perceptions of flexible working 10 . ■

Helen Broadbridge,

Equality, Diversity & Inclusion Committee

Trainee Solicitor at Macfarlanes LLP

1. Kay, K & Shipman, C, 2014, ‘The Confidence Gap’, The Atlantic.

2. Guillen, L, 2019, ‘Appearing self-confident and getting credit for it: Why it may be easier for men than women to gain influence at work,’ Human Resource Management.

3. Rudman, L.A, 2001, ‘Prescriptive Gender Stereotypes and Backlash Toward Agentic Women’, Journal of Social Issues.

4. Lindeman, M. I. H., 2018, ‘Women and Self-Promotion: A Test of Three Theories’, Psychological Reports.

5. Ibarra, H, 2013, ‘Women Rising: The Unseen Barriers’, Harvard Business Review.

6. Thomson, S, 2018, ‘A Lack of Confidence Isn’t What’s Holding Back Working Women’, The Atlantic.

7. Hebl, M, 2018, ‘How We Describe Male and Female Job Applicants Differently’, Harvard Business Review; Mohr, T, 2014, ‘Why Women Don’t Apply for Jobs Unless They’re 100% Qualified’, Harvard Business Review.

8. Guillen, L, 2018, ‘Is the Confidence Gap Between Men and Women a Myth?’ Harvard Business Review; Sarsons, H, 2016, ‘Proof That Women Get Less Credit for Teamwork’, Harvard Business Review.

9. Babcock, L, 2018, ‘Why Women Volunteer for Tasks That Don’t Lead to Promotions’, Harvard Business Review.

10. Burkus, D, 2017, ‘Everyone Likes Flextime, but We Punish Women Who Use It’, Harvard Business Review.