COMING OUT IS NOT A ONE TIME EVENT

COMING OUT IS NOT A ONE TIME EVENT

Jacqui Rhule-Dagher is a lawyer at Hogan Lovells International LLP in their complex commercial litigation team, working primarily on fraud, misrepresentation and breach of contract disputes. She initially trained at Clifford Chance LLP and, for a time, was seconded to their Dubai office.

Having a stint in Dubai may seem like a dream opportunity for many but, for Jacqui, this experience presented unique challenges. Jacqui is a lesbian so the prospect of working in a jurisdiction which classes her sexuality as illegal understandably induced some anxiety. Something which she would not want others to go through. Clifford Chance advised Jacqui to tell one other person about her sexuality in case something happened, which she did, but, unfortunately, she was ‘outed’. As it turned out, another LGBTQIA lawyer in Dubai took Jacqui under their wing so it all turned out to be fine. Jacqui is clear, however, that international secondments are not something anyone should feel they have to miss out on because of their sexuality. She believes that the benefits are great and, providing you take sensible precautions to stay safe, you should grab the opportunity if it’s offered.

Jacqui recalls that when she began her legal journey, as a paralegal, about a decade ago, she had not yet come out.

“My Monday morning routine on the tube journeying into the City was spent rehearsing answers to the dreaded question: ‘What did you do at the weekend?’ I was terrified of outing myself if I revealed too much.” Where did this fear stem from?

“I was hyper aware that I was the only Black person in my team and one of only a few Black people at the firm and I really didn’t want to draw even more attention to myself. Of course, nobody had said to me if I came out my career would be over, but there was certainly a view that I should keep my head down and assimilate. That was my approach then. Now, through developing an understanding of intersectionality, I have the confidence to speak about my Black and lesbian identities in the hope that the topic of intersectionality reverberates around the City. It is a journey that has been so long you could nickname me Crossrail - but it is a journey I am glad I experienced and would not change.”

In a slip-up in Jacqui’s rehearsed answers of her weekend activities, she accidentally admitted to a colleague she had been to the Dalston Superstore, a well-known LGBTQIA club. Imagine her relief when her colleague thought it was a hardware store and that she was a DIY enthusiast.

From that point of trying to hide her authentic self, to where she is now, confident to be very visible and out, are polar opposites. The turning point for Jacqui was being introduced to another lesbian lawyer, from another firm. She advised Jacqui that most people would not care about her sexuality and that, frankly, people were too busy to worry about such things. She told Jacqui that the important thing is that she was known as the lawyer who happened to be a lesbian and not “the lesbian lawyer”.

This gave Jacqui the confidence to come out at Clifford Chance, where she later became the firm’s LGBTQIA trainee representative; and she was heavily involved with the firm’s LGBTQIA network, Arcus. Jacqui also credits working with other lesbian lawyers for helping her to feel more comfortable being visibly out.

“If you don’t see people who are like you, you can start to think there is something wrong with you. Although there are some junior out lesbian lawyers now, I am yet to meet a senior Black out lesbian lawyer. If I become a senior associate, I will be one of the City’s first (if not the first) Black out lesbian senior lawyers.”

Developing an understanding of intersectionality added to Jacqui’s confidence. The term intersectionality was coined by the American academic, Kimberlé Crenshaw, in 1989. Crenshaw was looking into legal cases where women were required to choose between bringing a claim under the grounds of ‘racism’ or ‘sexism’, but couldn’t argue that they had been discriminated against due to the combined impact of racism and sexism. In fact, in one of the cases the judge said that if women were able to bring claims on the basis of both sexism and racism they would have “two swings of the bat”. This completely misses the point. Intersectionality, therefore, describes how characteristics such as class, gender, race and other personal characteristics combine, overlap and ‘intersect’ with one another. When organisations fail to take an intersectional approach, but rather a characteristic by characteristic approach, what they’re effectively asking people to do is to leave parts of themselves behind. This erasure is likely to exacerbate the feelings of isolation and marginalisation experienced by individuals with multiple intersecting identities.

“I may experience lesbophobia differently from a white woman by virtue of my race; and I may experience racial discrimination differently from a Black man by virtue of my gender. Once I really grasped this, and once I met other lesbian lawyers, I saw the unique position I was in and I saw it as an opportunity to help other people.”

Helping other lesbians in the legal profession is now a huge part of Jacqui’s work and life. She says she does this by being visible – although this only came about a year or so ago. Before that, Jacqui was hesitant about being active and vocal on platforms like LinkedIn, for example. She considers that there is still a view in the legal industry that social media and lawyers are uneasy bedfellows. Nevertheless, Jacqui had never seen anyone in the legal industry post about intersectionality and hoped that by doing so, rather than cause harm, she could inspire others.

Jacqui says that “coming out is not a onetime event. It requires constantly having to make a judgement call as to whether it is safe and sensible to do so”. After Clifford Chance, Jacqui went to an American firm, which will remain nameless for the purposes of this article. She made the decision not to come out there because, in her words, “it did not feel like a psychologically safe space”. Jacqui felt sad that she was forced to go back in the closet after having had such a positive experience at Clifford Chance, but recognises that, unfortunately, sometimes the LGBTQIA journey can feel as though you’re moving one step forward only to move ten steps back. On joining Hogan Lovells, she decided to be visible again and Jacqui is very grateful for the fact that the firm has two out lesbian partners.

In April 2023, Jacqui took a further step and founded ‘Legally Lesbians’. Legally Lesbians is an initiative which involves lesbians in the legal industry/in-house lawyers writing about their careers and reflecting on the importance of lesbian visibility. It has attracted prominent support and acclaim; in 2023 (it is a yearly publication in DIVA Magazine), Baroness Helena Kennedy KC wrote the foreword to the article; and in 2024, Baroness Brenda Hale, the former President of the Supreme Court of the United Kingdom, wrote the foreword to the article.

The individuals who have taken part in Legally Lesbians are also incredibly inspiring. Barrister, Aderonke Apata, was facing deportation back to Nigeria and felt that as a Black lesbian woman it was simply not safe for her to return there; and at the 11th hour she was allowed to stay in the UK. She took part in Legally Lesbians in 2023. Also in 2023, Dr Keina Yoshida, a barrister at Doughty Street Chambers took part in Legally Lesbians. She was one of the lawyers who successfully litigated the Rosanna Flamer-Caldera v Sri Lanka case before the Committee on the Elimination of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW), which held that criminalising lesbian relationships is a human rights violation.

Legally Lesbians has received a lot of positive feedback for the way in which it has inspired so many people. Jacqui says her favourite message came from an 18-year-old, living in Leeds, who said that she now had the confidence to pursue a career in law and that she felt less isolated after reading the Legally Lesbians 2023 article.

It is stuff like this that inspires Jacqui herself to carry on doing the work that she is doing. She also praises her firm for fostering an environment where a Black lesbian can bring their authentic self to the workplace. She recognises that not all organisations are like this and that despite there being some progress being made, the legal industry remains a conservative, homogenous and traditional one.

What words of advice would Jacqui give a young lesbian joining the legal profession today?

“Make sure you utilise the networking opportunities available to you because it is important to build a community and there are some really amazing people out there who can help and encourage you. Also get a mentorsomeone you can connect with on a human level. This person does not have to be from a similar background to you or even have to look like you. The important thing is having a sounding board. Finally, I would also say, while being a lesbian is an important part of who you are, it is not the only thing that you have to offer the City - you are so much more than your sexuality, so focus on those other things too.”

Inspirational words from an inspirational lady.

https://diva-magazine.com/2023/04/26/legallylesbians-25-lawyers-on-visibility/ 

“Coming out is not a one-time event. It requires constantly having to make a judgement call as to whether it is safe and sensible to do so”.