Top tips when interacting with people with disabilities

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Top tips when interacting with people with disabilities

How you behave around people and the language you use can be absolutely crucial. It can help them feel included and empowered. However, if you get it wrong it can be upsetting and offensive. We are not always going to get it right but this article provides a few tips of things to consider around people with disabilities!

I had the pleasure of speaking with Christina Warner, who is a barrister at Goldsmith Chambers. Christina is an engaging woman with lots of interesting and some shocking stories. Christina has a lovely warm nature. Christina has Stargardts disease. I must confess I had never heard of it before. It is a rare inherited form of visual impairment. It can manifest itself at any age and in Christina’s case her sight began to suffer in adulthood. Christina gave me some valuable insight into her world and helped me come up with this list of tips. This is by no means an exhaustive list!

1. Do not touch people with disabilities without asking!

Do not ever feel you have the right to simply place your hand on someone to help them. This could be for example if you see a wheelchair or walking aid user going across the road or a visually impaired person with a cane. It is never acceptable to just go over and start pushing them or leading them. A good friend of mine who is a wheelchair user told me a story about how she was pushing up a slight hill when a lady saw her struggling and came over and started pushing her without asking. My friend described it as offensive and demoralising. Sadly this has happened to her a number of times.

2. Speak to people with disabilities like average able-bodied people

People with disabilities are people at the end of the day, just like all of us. Do not feel the need to focus on their disability in conversations. Just be yourself and be normal. Get to know them as fully rounded people. The disability is only one aspect of who they are.

Avoid being patronising by unnecessarily speaking loudly or slowly. Think about the language you use around people with disabilities. Avoid phrases that may sound derogatory or make them feel like victims. Terms like “wheelchair bound” or “handicapped” are inappropriate and should not be used.

3. Do not ask personal questions

Think before you speak. It is not appropriate to ask personal questions about sex or toilet habits. Christina recalls one conversation in particular where she was asked if she would go “ugly blind”.

4. To stare or not to stare!

Some people have a morbid curiosity around people with disabilities. It is not important that you know the nature of someone’s disability. This says a lot more about the starer than who they are staring at. Be sensible and think how you would feel if someone was staring at you. However, recognise that children can often be curious about differences and may stare. It is important not to make a child feel bad for staring or express that it is wrong. As a parent or guardian of a child you should be embracing their curiosity and perhaps use it as a way to have a dialogue about the disability. This is certainly better than avoiding eye contact and avoiding people with disabilities.

5. Always ask before offering help

Just because a person has a disability do not assume they need your help. Do not imply it of your own accord. Christina says “give us our dignity and do not make us feel de-humanised or sub-human”. If you are not sure just ask politely. Christina explains many disabled people worry about not being seen as contributing to society. Stepping in to help someone without asking can reinforce these beliefs.

5 years ago, my younger brother was in a horrific car accident when he was hit by a speeding car. He suffered many injuries including broken legs, broken pelvis, scapula and ribs. He was able to walk again thankfully a few months after the accident but did sustain a life changing brachial plexus injury which means he has lost the use of his dominant right arm. Although I am mindful of my behaviour and language around him my conversation with Christina was certainly eye opening. Particularly the importance of not focusing on the disability. I never step in and assume my brother needs help. I actually find letting him do things for himself encourages him to be independent and adapt to his new life.

I hope these tips have given some food for thought!

And I will leave you with one final comment which Christina made during our chat: Disability is a when not an if. It comes to all of us whether it be through an accident, a disease or through aging. That is why we need to continue the conversation of how we behave around people with disabilities. Treat people how you would like to be treated.

Shabnam Ali-Khan

Shabnam Ali-Khan

Partner

Russell Cooke