My Journey in concuring the fear of disclosure

My Journey in concuring the fear of disclosure: Before and After!!!

knew this was a blatant lie but to me it would get them off my case. Years down the line through a friend, I decided to attend one. For the first time in a long time, I felt like home.

Support groups were never my cup of tea. I remember for 5 years after I knew about my status, the clinicians in the facility I was picking my drugs from, would always urge me to attend support groups and since I did not want to be rude or anything, I’d inquire on the date and promise to attend once I close school.

In my head, I knew this was a blatant lie but to me it would get them off my case. Years down the line through a friend, I decided to attend one. For the first time in a long time, I felt like home.

I met so many young people who like me were living with HIV. Listening to them made me understand that their fears were the same as mine. With the help of peer educators, nurses and clinicians who were always available during the support groups, my shell of fear was slowly breaking away. All was well until disclosure came along. Of all fears, this one carries the day.

Living with HIV is not as difficult until you bring up disclosure. Your mind will go haywire. Thank you to the continued support groups I have attended at AYARHEP, I am better. This has been a learning journey, I have been able to talk about my status, the fear is still there but it is better. It is actually true that when you meet other people drinking from the same cup (figuratively), it feels more hopeful.

I always felt the burden of infection was my full responsibility. I remember countless number of times I turned down possible suitors for fear of having the sex conversation putting in mind I was the positive one and if anything went wrong, it would have been my fault. Therefore, I opted to single hood ‘not sharing the HIV is caring’. I am not the only one who felt this burden most of my friends who we attended the same support group had this fear.

Fear of disclosure, which led to fear of rejection. Let us say I disclosed and he stayed there was still fear of infecting, what would happen if we had sex and he was infected? What would he do to me? I never wanted to add an extra baggage to the existing load. I made a decision to keep my body and HIV to myself, not because I wanted but because I had to.

Positive Health Dignity Prevention training by AYARHEP was a big eye opener, it felt great to finally know that it was not only my responsibility as the infected one to help prevent infection but it was also the responsibility of the affected to ensure they did not get infected. A problem shared I must admit it is half solved. Although I still bear the responsibility of taking lead in ensuring I reduce the risk of transmission, I do not mind as long us we are helping each other it seems much easier.

Adherence is one-step to reduce the risk of transmission, strictly sticking to the dosage as prescribed by the doctor at the scheduled time. “