THE ERRORS OF COMEDY?

Lance Goodman

Introduction

What follows is a series of short, some very short, essays on a range of topics almost picked at random. The choice is not driven by any narrative line but my random interests in events and issues I think are pertinent. They can be read in any order you like. If there is a theme at all it is about resisting dominant, bigoted narratives that flood the cultural universe, often to be found in the pages of UK tabloid newspapers.

lancegoodman@mac.com

Twitter: @SociologicalBen

https://funnypeoplefunnythings.wordpress.com

https://sustainablesociety.uk

Chest pain is not funny.

1

The ‘joker’ lay almost flat on his back on the opposite hospital bed to me.

“You’ve heard of a French letter, yeah? Well, what’s a Dutch letter? A condom with clogs on so they can hear you coming” (boom boom).

He rasped his jokes in between sucking in oxygen through plastic nasal speculum, while his rheumy eyes, long devoid of sparkle, attempted to project wit, but utterly failed to do so.

“Did you hear about the two queers in a telephone box? They were ‘ringing’ (geddit?), ringing each other”.

And so I found myself transported back in time to when Jim Davidson was allowed, the mini metro was cutting edge technology and sexual assault was regarded as a little light flirting. A time when the classification of ‘rape’ was reserved for activities including the actual blindfolding and torture of young ladies in darkly lit back alleys in Whitechapel.

The ‘joker’ lay almost flat on his back on the opposite hospital bed. He wore, or rather was draped, in an NHS gown which barely covered his legs. The flap of the gown rode up so high on his thigh that it invited a shrivelled walnut shaped hairy scrotum to make its appearance, but thankfully we were spared. His dark sunken eyes and sallow complexion, his wrinkled turtle necked skin upholding a blotchy, mottled liver spotted complexion which, thanks to hair loss, covered his whole pate, were all testament to years of smoking. He rasped his jokes in between sucking in oxygen through plastic nasal speculae, while his rheumy eyes, long devoid of sparkle, attempted to project wit, but utterly failed to do so. Instead, Death’s bony fingers drummed impatiently on the bedside table, perhaps waiting for his cue, and certainly waiting for the end of the jokes.

7

The Psychology of the Penis.

Psychoanalysts in the US have been examining detailed evidence provided by professors in projectile physics (rocket scientists) at the Bikini Atoll Institute for the Study of Ionising Radiation, Universityof Hawaii, following the testing of nuclear weapons in the Pacific.

As the radioactive falloutsettled down into the aquatic food chain, detailed psychological profiling using data found inmolluscs, revealed a long suspected,but to date,unconfirmed thesis.

Notwithstanding the difficulty of extrapolating conclusions from the study of molluscs' post nuclear blast mating behaviour, a eureka moment occurred to scientists when observing two mussels (glowing bright green at this stage) facing each other and sticking out their little elongating pink feet from under their shells.

The diminutive molluscs did this in rapid succession as if to compare the size of their tiny muscles. A limitation to the analysis was the requirement to anthropomorphise this behaviour in order to apply the findings to the already documented psychodynamic behaviour in human ‘Alpha Males’, who have a tendency to display similar behaviour.

A key factor in the study, was the use of the nuclear weapon and its ionic radiative effect on aquatic fauna, who in response to being bathed in the fallout displayed alpha male behaviour normally seen in Political Leaders of tinpot dictatorships such as PRNK and in Washington DC.

Dr Gottfried Freudof the Institute for the PsychoanalyticUnderstanding of Marine Fauna,said of the molluscs, "it was as if they were in a competition to see who had the biggest dick". This finding suggests that political leaders not only like to compare the size of their phallic shaped rockets but that actual use, such as penetrating the space of another's enclosed airspace, actually encourages further comparison which could lead to further use and escalation.