Bassetlaw Hospice

Registered Charity Number 701876

This booklet has been brought together to try to help you through the practicalities at this difficult time. It aims to guide you through the necessary aspects and arrangements which need to be made or considered either now or over the following weeks. As these decisions may have to be made at a difficult time, it may be helpful to contact a friend or relative to support you.

Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust

Nottinghamshire

What happens after someone dies?

When someone dies in Bassetlaw Hospice

People react in different ways following the death of a loved one, some want to spend time with the deceased while others would rather not. It is important that you do what feels right for you. Once you are ready, the nursing team will wash and care for your loved one, you may want to be involved with this or provide specific clothing for your loved one to wear.

Please let us know the funeral directors of your choice, there is a list of some of the local directors at the back of this booklet. If your loved one has a funeral plan already in place, please let the staff know.

If possible, the doctors will certify the death here. Sometimes it may be necessary for the doctor to see your loved one at the funeral directors, where the certificate will be completed at the earliest opportunity.

If you do not wish to take your loved ones belongings home with you at the time, we are able to keep hold of these and a mutually agreed time to come back and collect them can be arranged. The Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) will be sent to the Registrars. If you have any questions you will be able to speak to a member of our nursing team.

Once the MCCD has been completed, the registry office will contact the registered next of kin to make an appointment to go to the nearest registry office to register the death.

When someone dies in the community

When someone dies at home, if this is an expected death and the person had signed a DNACPR:

• During the day – contact their local doctor (GP general practitioner)

• During the night – contact 111

• At a weekend – contact 111

• On a bank holiday – contact 111

When death occurs in the early hours of the morning, you may feel happier waiting until your GP surgery opens to contact your own doctor (or the doctor involved).

Once the doctor has verified the death you will need to contact a funeral director of your choice to begin funeral arrangements. Once they are at the funeral directors, your funeral director can also arrange for you to visit your loved one if you so wish. You may have special religious needs, which your spiritual adviser and your funeral director can help with.

Medication

It is the responsibility of the carer or family to return all medication to the local pharmacy for disposal. This should be done at your earliest convenience.

The role of the Coroner

On occasion, sometimes the doctor may need to refer a person’s death to the Coroner for further investigation. This may happen if the person’s job may have contributed to their death eg. if someone had mesothelioma and worked with asbestos during their life.

The Coroner may open an investigation and in some cases the Coroner may then issue medical certificate of cause of death, rather than our doctors. This can mean it may take a bit longer for the medical certificate of cause of death (MCCD) to be issued. In a small number of cases a post mortem may be necessary followed by an inquest.

In certain conditions, such as infectious diseases, viewing of the body will be at the funeral director’s discretion.

Cremation

If you request a cremation, the paperwork will be commenced at Bassetlaw Hospice but will need to be completed at the funeral home. We recommend you discuss a reasonable timescale for your arrangements with the funeral director.

Registering a death:

It is a legal requirement that the death must be registered within five working days. This should be carried out by either:

• A relative

• Someone present at the time of death

• Someone who will be arranging the funeral (Should the person who has died be an overseas citizen, their embassy must be notified as soon as possible.)

What you need to take with you to the register office

• The medical card (if available)

• The birth certificate (if available) - (if not available, information regarding date and place of birth)

What else will the registrar ask you?

Please note that the death cannot be registered until the MCCD has been sent to the Registrar, or documents from the Coroner. Although it can be helpful to take copies of the deceased’s birth and marriage certificates, these are not essential for the death registration, as long as the information they contain can be provided at the meeting.

Information on the deceased:

• The date and place of death

• Their full name and any other names used, including a maiden name where relevant

• The date and place of birth

• The deceased’s occupation

• Date of birth of surviving spouse

If the deceased was a married woman, what the Registrar will need to know:

• The full name and occupation of her husband (even if deceased)

• Her maiden name

The Registrar will give you several certificates.

1. CERTIFICATE FOR BURIAL OR CREMATION.

No fee is required (this is green in colour and is required for the funeral).

2. THE SOCIAL SECURITY CERTIFICATE.

No fee required (this is white in colour and should be handed into the Social Security Office along with the deceased’s pension information. After the death of a person payments should cease).

3. ENTRY OF DEATH CERTIFICATE.

A small fee is charged (This is used to inform Banks, Building Societies, Insurance Companies, Solicitors, the Community Charge Office, Post Office, Company Superannuation etc).

It is advisable to purchase additional copies of the death certificate as they will be needed by the deceased’s bank, building society, insurers etc. We normally recommend around six certificates, depending on the number of institutions to be informed as photocopies cannot be used. Each certificate is a certified copy of the entry in the death register and costs £11.00.

The Registrar will be able to notify other government agencies at your appointment through the TELL US ONCE SERVICE.

Contact details for your local register office

Telephone: 0300 500 8080

Open Monday - Friday 9.00am - 4.30pm

Retford Register Office

17b, The Square, Retford, Nottinghamshire, DN22 6DB

Worksop Register Office

Memorial Avenue (adjacent to NEW library)

Worksop

Nottinghamshire S80 2BP

Please Note: It is possible to register in any Registry Office in Nottinghamshire. When you call the above number if you wish to go to a different office please let them know.

Planning the funeral

Funeral planning and legal requirements

You can begin to make funeral arrangements as soon as you feel able. Many people will wish to start making these plans before they die. The plans can be confirmed almost immediately, unless a coroner’s inquest is required following a death. However, before making plans, it is important to check whether any specific instructions were left, or if any funeral arrangements were made and paid for in advance.

The main requirements in England and Wales are that the death must be certified by a doctor or Coroner, registered with a registrar of births, marriages and deaths, and the body either buried or cremated. You do not need to have a ceremony, religious minister, or funeral director unless you wish to; and if you want a ceremony, this does not have to take place in a crematorium or church.

Types of funeral

There are more options concerning the content and duration of a funeral than many people realise. Generally, funerals contain both a ‘service element’ and a ‘physical aspect’.

Many services have a religious element, but Humanist or civil services are available for those who would like a meaningful funeral service without reference to a God or religion.

There are two main types of funeral:

• At a crematorium only

• At a church or other place of worship and followed by a burial or cremation.

Increasingly, alternative funerals are becoming available, with people selecting options such as woodland burials and eco-friendly coffins, shrouds or other coffin covers.

Other things to consider

As with all major events there are many aspects you may wish to consider, such as whether the body will be available for viewing, how your loved one should be dressed, whether to make announcements in a newspaper, and so on. In reality there is no such thing as a ‘standard’ funeral. Many people want the funeral to reflect an individual’s character, their way of life, beliefs and ideals. However, don’t feel that you have to accept all options presented to you, particularly if you do not want to spend a lot of money.

Funeral directors

Funeral directors can manage all or part of the funeral arrangements. They can give advice on available options and provide support to help you make decisions. There are many differences in the types and quality of services that funeral directors provide.

A directory of funeral directors in Retford and surrounding area are listed at the end of this booklet, but you can also consult your local telephone directory or local information website.

Complaints

If you are not satisfied, either with the costs you’re being asked to pay or with the service provided, try to resolve it with the funeral director or service provider in question. If you cannot resolve the issue, contact any relevant trade association (see the back of this leaflet) or get advice on how to proceed from your local Citizens Advice Bureau.

Finances after someone dies

Paying for the funeral

Funeral costs are normally recoverable from the deceased’s estate, but the person organising the funeral will be responsible for paying the bill. It is advisable to check where the money will come from before you make arrangements.

Many people now purchase their funeral in advance through a pre-purchase funeral plan. You may need to check if this has been arranged.

Many funeral directors require payment before probate is granted, so ensure you discuss payment from an early stage. Where probate (see page 15) is being requested, most banks and building societies will release money to pay for the funeral on presentation of the death certificate and funeral invoice before probate is granted.

Where payment for the funeral is an issue, you may be entitled to help with the funeral costs through the Social Fund. There is now a One-Stop contact number at the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) www.gov.uk/after-a-death/organisationsyou-need-to-contact-and-tell-us-once (0800 085 7308) which will cancel all DWP benefits, as well as help you establish if you are eligible for help towards costs (a funeral grant) and advise on your eligibility for other benefits. There is a time limit for claiming bereavement benefits and a funeral grant, so it is important to contact them as soon as possible. Funeral grants have a maximum threshold and not everyone is given the full amount. It is essential to consider this when organising the funeral to prevent running up large costs.

In some cases where no one is able to pay for the funeral, the local authority may help - but it is important that you contact them before the funeral has been arranged. Your funeral director should be able to advise you.

Change in circumstances and benefits

If you were receiving Carers Benefit prior to the bereavement this will continue for six weeks after the death of the person you were caring for. Check that Council Tax Benefit and Housing Benefit are in your name: if not these may need to be reapplied for.

www.gov.uk has excellent advice on all benefits, or you can use the contacts suggested below.

If you are under pension age: If you are a parent and any of the following benefits are in the deceased’s name these will have to be changed or reapplied for:

Child Benefit (HMS 0300 200 3100),

Child Tax Credit or Working Tax Credit (Job Centre Plus 0345 300 3900)

Contact Job Centre Plus, the DWP numbers above or your local Citizen’s Advice Bureau for advice and support in finding out what is available and how to apply. Alternatively, check out the www.turn2us.org.uk website for information. If you are eligible for certain benefits you may be able to get support with your mortgage. This will be for the interest only and there is a limit to what they will pay. Job Centre Plus can advise you on this.

For example, if your spouse/partner or you were on a state benefit prior to the bereavement, you may need this reviewed, or if you are now on a low income. If you have children and are working, available benefits will depend on your income and the age of the children. If you are unable to work or unemployed you may be eligible for benefits or increased benefits.

If you are over pension age

If your spouse or civil partner dies then you may need a benefits review, particularly if you are now living alone. There is a minimum allowance for single people, which may be increased depending on which benefits you are eligible for. A review is recommended at this stage as not all benefits are means tested.

Contact your local Citizens Advice Bureau 0300 456 8369 for advice or look up the fact sheets on www.ageuk.org.uk

Also see the ‘Tasks checklist’ at the back of this booklet to help you contact the right people.

Solicitors, wills and legal matters

Probate (administration of an estate)

This is the legal process for the distribution of the deceased’s estate (money, property etc). You need to establish if the deceased had made a will. This may be found at their bank, solicitor, home, with family or a friend. Advice about probate can be found on the website www.gov.uk/applying-for-probate/applyfor-probate

When a will is in place:

The will may include funeral wishes, wishes regarding the deceased’s estate and the name of the executor/s or the person/s legally entitled to deal with the estate. The executor/s is/are legally responsible for administrating the estate according to the wishes in the will. If the will is with a solicitor, they should be informed: and they may be the named executor. Named executors can administer the person’s estate on their own (information on how to do this can be found online at www.gov.uk) or they may prefer to get the help of a solicitor to carry this out.

When there is no will in place:

When someone dies without making a will, they are said to have died ‘intestate’, and different rules apply. When this happens the law sets out who should deal with the person’s affairs and who benefits. This can be a complex situation and there is a list of people who may be entitled to the estate in turn. Further information can be found online at www.gov.uk or you can involve a solicitor to help you through the process.

Another source of information on wills can be found at www.ageuk.org.uk

Don’t walk in front of me, I might not follow you

Don’t walk behind me, I cannot see you Walk by my side - and be my friend.

A Persian Proverb

Living with grief

Grief is a normal reaction to any major loss in our lives. When someone dies there will be many practical things that need to be attended to. This can mean that you start to grieve once these things are completed and the people around you begin to return to their everyday lives.

It can feel hard for us to live with the death of a loved one, and we may feel overwhelmed and confused by our emotions. Part of the grieving process is trying to make sense of something that seems senseless.

We all grieve in our own way, and it may take many forms. For instance, grief may catch us by surprise, and we might suddenly be overwhelmed by emotion. We may also feel anger or regret for things that we could have done differently.

There may be feelings of depression, a decreased appetite, tiredness without being able to sleep, and an inability to concentrate. Small tasks or problems may seem insurmountable and cause us to feel panicky.

We may also think that we hear or see a loved one, even though we know that they have died. We may feel numb and unable to cry or experience a sense of relief. These are all normal reactions to the loss of a loved one.

If you have been caring for the person who has died, you may also feel the loss of your caring role. You may feel bereft and alone because the relationships that you have built up with different health care professionals have ended. You may have lost contact with friends while caring for your loved one and meeting new people or re-establishing old friendships can seem daunting and tiring.

Things that may help

• Remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone is different.

• Try not to feel pressurised by the expectations of others.

• Do what feels right and comfortable for you.

• Allow yourself to laugh, cry, or feel angry – someone you love has died and that is painful.

• You may also feel numb and unable to cry.

• Take care of yourself and pay attention to your health.

• Try to accept help from others. This can be comforting for you and for them.

• Talking about the person who has died, and about your experiences, can help you to begin to make sense of what is happening for you.

• You may find that people are awkward around you. They may want to give support but are afraid of saying the wrong thing. If you feel able, let them know how best they can help you.

• Do not be afraid to seek help either from our bereavement service, or from your GP, or other health care professionals.

With time you will find that memories become less painful, and that you will be able to remember without feeling distressed. People who are closest to you may be able to help the most –friends and relatives can share memories with you, which can be comforting. Sometimes, too, it can be difficult to share with family or friends.

If after several weeks you find that you are not coping with your emotions or your grief is overwhelming, it would be appropriate to seek help from your GP.

Support for children and young people:

Every child is different, and those that know the child best are usually better placed to decide how best to approach this difficult situation. Here is some guidance to help you navigate the difficulties ahead with children and young people:

Telling a child someone close to them has died:

This is likely to be one of the hardest things you’ll have to do – it is important that you make sure you seek out some appropriate support for yourself for this too, whether it be friends or family, or a formal support such as a children’s bereavement charity (details are included towards the back of this booklet). It is a natural reaction to want to try to put off informing children of a close death, to shield the child from the hurt. However, the reality is that children are very aware and will likely realise something serious has happened. The following are some things to consider that might help you with the difficult task ahead:

Use clear language – although the terms ‘died’ and ‘dead’ can often feel a bit harsh, these are much better than using terms such as ‘lost’ or ‘passed away’ as these can lead to confusion on whether the person can then be found/may return. Children tend to fill in the gaps themselves if not given enough clear information, imagining all sorts of things that may further their grief. It is better to be as open and honest as you can manage with children.

Build the information up if/as required – you do not need to give all of the information at once. Often giving the information in short chunks is more manageable for children to absorb, particularly younger children, where it might be enough to begin with saying “Daddy’s died, this is very sad,” whereas older children might require a little more information about what has happened to the loved one. Extra bits of information, such as explaining that their loved one won’t be coming back, may then need to be given after they have digested this first bit of information.

Allow them to ask questions – letting children know it is ok to ask questions, even if you don’t have all the answers right away, can help with letting out thoughts and feelings. For older children, it can be helpful to ask them how much information they would like, “would you prefer to know what happened?” Children should be made aware that they can continue to ask questions in the future as the questions arise, to prevent bottling up. Younger children may require the same questions answering several times whilst they try to process the answers.

Every child is different, and there is no right or wrong way for you to explain a death to your child. You know them best. However, here a few suggestions from the charity Winston’s Wish, to help with explaining to a child that their loved one has died:

“We know that all living things will die someday. Flowers, animals, trees, butterflies, people all die eventually...”

“... however, the great majority of people will die when they are very old.”

“Occasionally, someone will die before they are old because, for example, of an accident or serious illness.”

“When someone dies, their body stops working and they are no longer able to do the things they could when they were alive, such as move or talk or hug or play.”

“Sadly, [name] has died. Everyone wishes they had not died and had lived for many more years. However, their body was not able to keep working and so they died. Their heart stopped beating, their lungs stopped breathing and their brain stopped thinking, and so they died.”

“We are very healthy and we’re going to do all we can to keep that way, because I want to be around to [play with my great grandchildren/travel to Mars/celebrate the year 2100].”

How children may react to the death:

Children will experience death and grief in different ways to adults. They may react quite differently to how you might expect. This could mean being completely silent, extremely openly distressed, or even showing little to no reaction at all.

Young children often tend to ‘dip in and out’ of grief – meaning they may be very upset one minute, then appear absolutely fine and discussing what game they want to play the next. This is very normal and is because young children need a break from the grief, they are able to step away from the overwhelming emotions they are feeling in a self-protective way. This can be difficult to understand as an adult, when you yourself are feeling the overwhelming grief 24/7.

Often children will need to be told several times that the person is not coming back. Even after being told a few times, they may still present with questions about whether the person can come back for special occasions such as Christmas for example. Continuing to be open and honest about the finality of the person’s death will help the child to understand what death means, and help with their grief journey. Again, this can be very difficult for the supporting adults, it is important that you have plenty of support around for yourself during this time too.

Commonly, children can blame themselves for close family deaths, to feel as though they have contributed in some way. It is important that children are reassured that the death was not their fault, and that nothing they could have done would have changed the outcome to avoid the child harbouring feelings of guilt in addition to their grief.

There will be times when supporting the child feels really hard whilst dealing with your own grief. Look after yourself, and do what you feel able to, in your own time.

Remembrance

Create a lasting legacy

If a loved one of yours was cared for by Bassetlaw Hospice, their name will be entered into our Memorial Book which is kept in reception at the hospice. Your family will be invited to attend our remembrance service held in the spring of each year and we will also invite you to our Memory Star Service in December. The service combines carols and readings with the stars being placed on our Christmas Tree here at the hospice, in memory of loved ones. We invite you to join us for refreshments at the end of both services.

You may want to honour their memory by making a gift and there are different ways in which you can do this. The most immediate is by requesting that those attending the funeral make a donation in lieu of flowers. You can request an unlimited amount of special envelopes to give to families to distribute among mourners and ask them to Gift Aid, if possible. Many people have found this difficult throughout the Covid-19 pandemic and many have chosen to set up a funding page on the internet with the support of the charity, helping them to include family from across the country.

Task checklist

If in the person’s name:

Cancel Appointments

Telephone/Water/Electricity

Car Insurance

Newsagent/Milkman

Clubs

Landlord/Housing

Television Licence

Rental companies

Loan company

Agencies Informed

Automatically when a Death is Registered

Passport Office

DVLA Swansea

Local Authority for housing and council tax benefits, blue badge

DWP

Job Centre Plus

HMS – Child benefit

Library

Electoral Services

People you need to consider informing:

Child/Young Person’s

Teacher

Bank/Building Society

Credit Cards

Insurance Companies

Social Services (cancel care)

Social Security/DWP (confirm they are aware)

Employer Solicitor (if involved)

Inland Revenue (If self-employed)

Residential/Nursing Home

Post Office

Mortgage Lender

Relatives/Friends

Dentist

Stop Mail (www.stopmail.co.uk)

Email Accounts

Social Media Accounts

Online resource for funerals

www.gov.uk/after-a-death/arrange-the-funeral

Age UK

Bereavement support and advice.

Telephone: 0800 678 1602

www.ageuk.org.uk

Humanists UK

39 Moreland Street, London, EC1V 8BB

Telephone: 020 7324 3060

www.humanism.org.uk

Cruse Bereavement Care

Offers bereavement support

Telephone: 0808 808 1677

Email: helpline@cruse.org.uk www.cruse.org.uk

Way Widowed and Young

Offers support to widows and widowers up to the age of 50. They provide social and support networks to help rebuild lives. Advantage House, Stowe Court, Stowe Street, Lichfield WS13 6AQ

www.widowedandyoung.org.uk

SUPPORT FOR CHILDREN’S BEREAVEMENT:

The nurses at the hospice can help with basic support and guidance for bereaved children, and can help with signposting you to other appropriate services too. The hospice has a link nurse for children’s bereavement who may be able to assist you further.

There are a range of resources located at the hospice for helping to explain death and dying to children such as books and flashcards that may be appropriate for your child.

Here are some available services, both local and national:

Child Bereavement UK

Free confidential bereavement support for individuals, couples, children, young people, and families, by telephone, video or instant messenger, anywhere in the UK.

Tel: 0800 02 888 40 Web: www.childbereavementuk.org

Children’s Bereavement Centre, Newark

Local support for children aged 3-18, including 1-1 counselling, play therapy, art therapy, family therapy and group support.

Tel: 01636 551739

Web: www.childrensbereavementcentre.co.uk

Cruse Bereavement Support

Online resources for children, young people and their appropriate adults, along with 1-1 grief support.

Tel: 0808 808 1677 Web: www.cruse.org.uk

Winston’s Wish

Through information, on-demand services, bereavement support and counselling, the charity supports young people across the UK to understand their feelings, process their grief and find ways to move forward with hope for a brighter future. They also help with adults caring for young grieving people, including parents, school staff and healthcare professionals.

Tel: 08088 020 021 Web: www.winstonswish.org

Reference: Bassetlaw Hospice Bereavement Booklet

Review date: April 2026

Publication date: April 2024

Keeping in touch

Many people like to keep in touch with the Hospice and support the work of the Charity. We organise a range of events within the local community and would be very pleased to keep you updated with our news and forthcoming events. Please complete the form below if you wish to be added to our mailing list.

Name:

Address:

Postcode:

Email:

Telephone:

The completed form can be returned to the Hospice or to the Appeal Office, details below.

The Charity will not share your details with any third parties, and are committed to complying with the General Data Protection Act of 2018 full details are on our policy regarding GDPR can be found on our website.

You can also follow the Charity on FACEBOOK Bassetlaw Hospice or visit www.bassetlawhospice.org.

For further information about the charities activities, fundraising and retail charity shops please contact:

Bassetlaw Hospice Appeal office

4 Jubilee Courtyard

Retford

Notts

DN22 6BN

Tel: 01777 710444

If you require further information or advice, please contact:

Bassetlaw Hospice

North Road, Retford, DN22 7XF

Telephone: 01777 200060

FUNERAL

DIRECTORS

J Clay Family Funeral Directors

110 Elmton Rd, Creswell, Worksop, S80 4DE 01909 721320

Cliff Bradley and Sons

41 Heaton Street, Gainsborough, DN21 1EA 01427 810619

39 High Street, Saxilby, LN1 2HA

Co-operative Funeral Care Spa Common, Retford, DN22 6LQ

708888

708870 227 - 229 Gateford Road, Worksop, S81 7BB

Dolby Funeral Service 98 Lowtown Street, Worksop, S80 2JR

E Hurton & Son, Funeral Directors 73 Grove Street, Retford, DN22 6LA

G D Hall, Independent Funeral Directors 13 Bridgegate, Retford, DN22 6AE

Hancock Funeral Directors 26A Bridgegate, Retford, DN22 6AA

Clive Hopkinson Funeral Directors 17 Watson Road, Worksop, S80 2BA

Lincolnshire Co-operative 18 Moorgate, Retford, DN22 6LQ

472271

509444

410994

707503

769162

701 601 North Street, Gainsborough DN21 2HS 01427 612131

W E Pinder and Son 19 Thorne Road, Bawtry, Doncaster, DN10 6QL 01302 710285

Priest Funeral Services Ltd 44-48 Carlton Road, Worksop, S80 1PH

Turner and Wilson 94 Welbeck Street, Whitwell, Nr Worksop, S80 4TP

530880

720 543

The Hospice would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from services o ering their help at this time.

Whilst the Hospice is grateful of their support it does not endorse or recommend any of the services that they provide.

�\\ bereavement ,�port network

stopping mail

STOPPING JUNK MAIL

It is distressing to deal with a bereavement and unsolicited mail can be insensitive and destructive during a grieving process.

By scanning the below QR code on your phone or visiting www.stopmail.co.uk, we are able to securely share this information with mailing organisations and under the Data Protection Act the information will not be used for any other purpose.

Other benefits reduce the possibility of identity fraud, such as assumed identity and you will only have to supply the information once.

This publication has been jointly developed between ourselves and the hospice. We hope that it has been or will be of help at this time and we welcome any comments or suggestions that you may have.

Please contact us either by phone, email or by post.