Buckinghamshire Community Bereavement Booklet by bereavementadvice

NHS

Buckinghamshire Healthcare NHS Trust

NHS

Help & advice during your bereavement Community Information leaflet

Issue date: May 2023 Review date: May 2025

The staff wish to express their sincere sympathy and offer their condolences to you and your family at this time. In the first few weeks of bereavement, which can be a particularly difficult time, you will need to deal with several practical matters. This booklet aims to provide some useful help and advice during the early days of your bereavement. Please don’t hesitate to ask questions if you are uncertain about any matter; our staff will always be pleased to help.

Contents What do I do next?........................................................................................................... page 1 Referrals to the Coroner.......................................................................................... page 2 Registering the death................................................................................................... page 3 Tell Us Once............................................................................................................................... page 4 Stopping Junk Mail to the recently deceased.......................... page 5 Arranging the funeral.................................................................................................... page 6 Living with Grief.................................................................................................................... page 7 Helpful Organisations................................................................................................... page 8 Space for you to make notes............................................................................ page 12

What to do next: The GP surgery will send the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) electronically to the Registry office. You can then make an appointment at the Registrar’s office, either at Aylesbury or Beaconsfield, to register the death and obtain the official death certificate. BUCKINGHAMSHIRE REGISTRATION SERVICE Buckinghamshire Register Office Walton Street Offices Walton Street Aylesbury HP20 1XF or Beaconsfield Register Office 29 Windsor End Beaconsfield HP9 2JJ Telephone: 0300 131 6000 email: registrars@buckinghamshire.gov.uk www.buckinghamshire.gov.uk

Referrals to the Coroner A death, sometimes, has to be reported to the Coroner for legal reasons and your GP will advise you if this has to happen, this is usually when a doctor is unable to issue a MCCD. The Coroner is appointed to investigate certain types of death. A death will be referred to the Coroner if: • no precise cause can be established • it is due to a complication of surgery or anaesthetics • it is not thought to be from natural causes • it is due to an injury or a fall, however it happened, or if an accident or negligence is alleged. There are other cases that must be referred to the Coroner, for example, death from industrial diseases, poisoning, suicide and murder. The Coroner’s Office will be able to help you and give you any advice. If a post-mortem is required, a delay may be experienced before the registration and funeral can take place. If the death has to be reported to the Coroner you can still contact the Funeral Director of your choice to start making arrangements for the funeral, but you should tell the Funeral Director that the death has been reported to the Coroner to keep any delay in the funeral arrangements to a minimum. You will have to wait to hear from the Coroner’s Officer before registering the death. If there is to be a post-mortem, the Coroner’s Officer will explain the procedure to you and advise you when it is appropriate to register the death. The Coroner’s Officer can be contacted on 01494 475505.

Registering the death Once the MCCD has been issued, you must register the death with the registrar of births, deaths and marriages within five days. There is no charge to register the death, however banks, building societies and other official institutions will require a certified copy, not a photocopy, of the death certificate. You can obtain copies from the registrar at the time of registration but there will be a change for each copy requested. You usually need to buy a copy of the death certificate for banks, building societies, solicitors and other official institutions that require proof that death has occurred. (As of February 2023 the cost is £11.00 per copy) In order to register a death you must qualify as one of the following: • a relative of the person who has died • not related to the person who has died but you were present at their death • the person instructing the funeral director • someone who lived in the household where the person died When you attend the registrar’s office the registrar will already have received a copy of the MCCD from the GP, unless the Coroner has carried out a post-mortem, in which case all paperwork will have been processed by the Coroner’s Office and then forwarded directly to the Registrar.

The registrar will ask about: • the date and place of death • the full name and surname (and any other name if the deceased was a person who had married) • the date and place of birth • the occupation (and if applicable the name and occupation of the deceased’s spouse or civil partner) • whether the deceased was in receipt of a pension or allowance from public funds • if the deceased was married or in a civil partnership, the date of birth of the surviving spouse or civil partner • if available please bring the deceased’s medical card Once you have completed the registration process the funeral director will receive a ‘green form’ by e-mail from the Registrar to allow arrangements to be made for cremation or burial. You will also receive a BD8 form to complete for the Department of Work and Pensions and a stamped addressed envelope will be provided to post this.

Tell Us Once Tell Us Once is a service that lets you report a death to most government organisations in one go. At the time of registering the death, your Registrar will enrol you onto the Tell Us Once service. You then have 28 days in which to complete the necessary details online or to contact the TUO team by telephone - full up to date contact details for TUO and your unique Reference Number will also be provided in writing for you.

Stopping Junk Mail to the recently deceased If someone you know has died, the amount of unwanted marketing post being sent to them can be greatly reduced which helps to stop painful daily reminders. By registering with the free service www.stopmail.co.uk the names and addresses of the deceased are removed from mailing lists, stopping most advertising mail within as little as six weeks. If you cannot access the internet you can call 0808 168 9607, where you will be asked for very simple information that will take only a few minutes to complete. This free of charge service provided by the Bereavement Support Network will actively reduce the unwanted marketing mail but also can help reduce the likelihood of identity theft following the death of someone close. The information is not used for any other purpose and you only have to complete this once. As well as ‘Stop Mail’ a comparable service can also be accessed from the Bereavement Register or Deceased Preference Service if you would prefer to use them.

Arranging the Funeral Funeral Directors (or Undertakers) usually offer advice and a choice of arrangements at varying prices. Ask to see a brochure and price list before you decide. It might be worth contacting more than one to compare prices. If you have internet access there are now comparison websites for funerals online. The deceased may have expressed a wish or desire in respect of the funeral service, preferring burial or cremation for their eventual place of rest. Their preference may be indicated in their Will. Unless you have already done so, the Funeral Director will notify your local Minister, representative of your faith or celebrant who should visit you to talk about the service. Burials may be in a churchyard, local authority or private cemetery. Similarly, cremated remains may be buried or scattered in a Garden of Remembrance or some favourite place. Please remember, that if you use your garden for this purpose, you may someday wish to move house. The Department of Works and Pensions leaflet entitled “What to do after death in England and Wales”, gives comprehensive details of all the facilities and some good practical advice about what has to be done. It lists some national organisations that are there to give you advice, comfort and support. www.dwp.gov.uk

Living with Grief For many, the death of someone close is perhaps the most painful experience that they will face. The grief that accompanies such a loss can be intense and painful, often affecting our emotions, bodies and lives. Even when expected, it may still be a shock and learning to live with loss can be a slow process. Losing someone is an experience that many will share, but we will all react differently. For some, expressions of grief will be overwhelming and public, for others they may be very private, but no less deeply felt, and our experience of grief can change from moment to moment. Grief may also be experienced in a physical way – such as shaking, loss of appetite, or sleeplessness. These symptoms should pass, but if they persist, please consult your family doctor. Grief can throw our lives out of balance and there are bound to be good days and bad days; it is often best to take more time over life-changing decisions at this time. Sometimes we need to be alone with our thoughts; at other times, we will feel the need to share them with others. This may be easier with friends and family, or with someone outside our circle of friends and family such as your family doctor, hospital chaplain or representative of your own faith, social worker or a bereavement support group. If there are children in the family, whatever their age, talk to them about what has happened in terms they can understand. They, like us, experience grief, but may not be able to grasp what is happening. Watch for a change in behaviour and sleep patterns, reassure them, share your emotions and do not be afraid to include them. Whatever your experience of grief and loss remember to take care of yourself during this difficult period: make time to rest, take time to remember and be sure to contact others when you feel in need of help. 7

For patients who have been under the care of Florence Nightingale Hospice or Rennie Grove Hospice Care the Bereavement services will be in touch but if you want support earlier please contact: Florence Nightingale Listening service – 01296 332600 Rennie Grove Bereavement Support Line – 01727 638008

Helpful Organisations Bereavement Listening and Support Service Offering bereavement support to anyone with a Bucks GP, (based at Florence Nightingale Hospice). Tel: 01296 332600 Age UK Bucks Principal source of advice and information for older people, plus befriending schemes, welfare benefits, counselling, will making, day care and lunch clubs. 145 Meadowcroft Aylesbury Bucks HP19 9HH Tel: 01296 431911 Website: www.ageuk.org.uk Local Website: www.ageuk.org.uk/buckinghamshire Cruse Buckinghamshire Supports bereaved people and enables them to understand their grief. Offers information, advice and education. 01296 425757 01494 511117 01494 766455

(Aylesbury) (High Wycombe) (Chiltern & Beaconsfield)

All have a 24hr answerphone Website: www.cruse.org.uk National Cruse helpline: 0808 808 1677 8

Child Bereavement UK Provides confidential listening, help and guidance for bereaved families. Support line: 0800 02 888 40 Email: southsupport@childbereavementuk.org Website: www.childbereavementuk.org Buckinghamshire Mind A confidential counselling service for High Wycombe and surrounding areas. Wycombe Counselling Service 260 Desborough Road High Wycombe Bucks HP11 2QR Tel: 01494 463364 Website: www.bucksmind.org.uk Compassionate Friends Support group for parents and family who have lost a child of any age. Tel: 0345 123 2304 Website: www.tcf.org.uk or www.compassionatefriends.org

The Samaritans Samaritans provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support 24 hours a day. (Available to anyone in the United Kingdom and Ireland). Chilterns Branch 149 Station Road Amersham Bucks HP6 5DJ Tel: 0330 094 5717 or 116 123 Website: www.samaritans.org Telephone lines are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, including Christmas and bank holidays. The centre is open for personal visits between 10am and 10pm every day. Citizen’s Advice Aylesbury High Wycombe Chesham

Tel: 0344 411 1444 Tel: 0808 278 7938 Tel: 01494 775349

For Buckinghamshire Healthcare NHS Trust patient advice and liaison service (PALS) call 01296 316042 or email bht.pals@nhs.net For Florence Nightingale Hospice care call 01296 332600. For Rennie Grove Hospice at Home teams please contact the number you have been given.

Scannappeal raises funds to purchase life saving state of the art medical equipment for Buckinghamshire NHS hospitals including Amersham, Stoke Mandeville, Wycombe and community hospitals, caring for people living across the county.

We are here to help

For advice and support on giving in memory, please get in touch.

Scannappeal office, Amersham hospital, Whielden Street, Amersham, HP7 0JD scannappeal.org.uk

01494 734161 bht.info.scannappeal@nhs.net Registered Charity No: 296291

The Hospital would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from services offering their help at this time. Whilst the Hospital is grateful of their support it does not endorse or recommend any of the services that they provide.

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,�port network stopping mail

STOPPING JUNK MAIL It is distressing to deal with a bereavement and unsolicited mail can be

insensitive and destructive during a grieving process.

By scanning the below QR code on your phone or visiting

www.stopmail.co.uk, we are able to securely share this information

with mailing organisations and under the Data Protection Act the information will not be used for any other purpose.

Other benefits reduce the possibility of identity fraud, such as assumed

identity and you will only have to supply the information once.

A trading style of Turnside Marketing Ltd

This publication has been jointly developed between ourselves and the hospital. We hope that it has been or will be of help at this time and we welcome any comments or suggestions that you may have. Please contact us either by phone, email or by post.

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