Croydon Hospital - a guide for parents following a baby loss

A guide for parents following a baby loss

Dear Relatives,

On behalf of Croydon Health Services, we would like to offer our sincere condolences following the loss of your baby. We understand how distressing and upsetting this may be for you. However, we would like to assure you that our Chaplaincy & Spiritual Care Team and Bereavement Services will aim to provide all the help and support that you may need during this traumatic time.

Following your loss, there will be many arrangements to be made. It is very difficult to think about these at a time of loss. However, we have produced this guide to provide you with some help and guidance in the steps that you may need to take following this loss. We hope this will guide you through these arrangements.

In the event that you need any further assistance please do not hesitate in contacting either of the following who will provide further assistance:

We would like to reassure you of our commitment to the highest level of care to our patients and relatives.

Chief Executive

Chair

Matthew Kershaw

Yemisi Gibbons

On behalf of Croydon University Hospital NHS Trust, we would like to offer our sincere condolences to you and your family following the sad loss of your baby. When a baby is lost in pregnancy or after birth, there are decisions to be made about how you would like your baby laid to rest, and this will be explained to you on the following pages. Our aim is to support you throughout this difficult and sensitive time.

The Hospital Chaplaincy and Spiritual Care Department

The Chaplaincy & Spiritual Care Team at the hospital can offer pastoral, spiritual and religious care to bereaved people of all beliefs. They have contacts with all faith groups and can usually contact an appropriate representative for you.

Chaplaincy & Spiritual Care may be able to provide confidential bereavement support for you following your loss. If you would like to see one of the hospital chaplains, please inform a member of the ward staff, or one of the staff in the Bereavement Office, who will contact the team and arrange a time for you to meet.

Alternatively you can also contact:

The Chaplaincy & Spiritual Care Office

Croydon University Hospital

London Road

Croydon CR7 7YE

Telephone: 020 8401 3105/ 4015

Mobile: 07557 014739

Our Chaplaincy & Spiritual Care office is staffed from 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday (excluding bank holidays).

If you have an emergency out of these hours, our telephone operators will contact the on-call Chaplain and ensure that they contact you immediately.

Post-mortem examination (autopsy)

We would like to extend our sincere condolences to you and your family on the loss of your baby. We understand the great sadness that accompanies such a death, and hope that raising the subject of a post-mortem examination will not add to your distress. The following notes have been written with the aim of providing you with some basic information about post-mortem examinations.

Your baby will not be examined in any way without your consent.

What is a Post Mortem?

A post-mortem is an important medical examination which aims to establish the cause of the loss of your baby. The examination of your baby and the detailed information obtained may help you and the staff involved in your care to learn more about why your baby died. The post-mortem may not reveal the exact cause of your baby’s death, but it may discover something which could tell you if any future pregnancies could be affected by a similar problem. Even if a clear reason is not established to explain why your baby has died, the detailed examination may rule out certain causes of death, which many parents find reassuring. This may be helpful, in time, with coming to terms with your sad loss.

Where does the Post Mortem take place?

If a post-mortem is taking place, your baby will be respectfully transported by the hospital Mortuary, or contracted Funeral Directors, to St George’s Hospital NHS Trust who will perform the post-mortem before being brought back to Croydon University Hospital.

Who carries out the Post Mortem?

At St George’s Hospital, all baby post-mortems are performed by Paediatric Pathologists who are expertly trained medical doctors in this specialty. Occasionally, a Pathologist at St George’s might feel the need for a further specialist opinion from Pathologists in other hospitals.

When does a Post Mortem take place?

The post-mortem will take place as soon as it is practically possible, usually within a few days. If, for religious reasons a post-mortem is needed as soon as possible, please inform your Midwife/Doctor so that we can see if this may be possible to arrange.

What does a Full Post Mortem involve?

A full post-mortem includes a careful external and internal examination of your baby’s body, including x-rays and medical photographs. The Pathologist, working to standards set by the Royal College of Pathologists, will remove and examine all of the major internal organs and will take small samples of tissue and fluid (such as blood) for later laboratory examination including inspection under a microscope. The organs are then returned to the body, although they cannot be returned exactly to their original positions. Your baby’s body is then carefully repaired in the same way as after an operation. The placenta will also be examined.

The post-mortem can be limited. However, this may not provide all the possible information about a disease or cause of death. This includes a careful external examination of the outside of your baby’s body including x-rays and medical photographs. At your request, a further examination of the specific internal organ(s) that you have agreed to will also take place and small samples of tissue will be taken from these organs and examined under the microscope. Further tests may be taken for infections and the placenta will also be examined.

An external post-mortem includes a careful external examination of your baby’s body, including x-rays and medical photographs. However, this may not provide new information. The placenta will also be examined.

What if I change my mind?

After signing the consent form, you have the right to change your mind within 48 hours. Please contact the Bereavement Midwife or Mortuary to inform them of your change of wishes. Out of hours, please contact the on-call Mortuary Staff at Croydon University Hospital via the switchboard.

What happens next?

Once the post-mortem is complete, your baby will be returned to the Mortuary at Croydon University Hospital NHS Trust. If any organs or tissues are retained for further examination, then they can usually be returned to the body before the burial or cremation. Please note that this can take up to 6 weeks, so the funeral would have to be delayed. Alternatively, if you wish for the blocks and slides back, they can be given to you or the funeral director at a later date. If you do not wish for these to be returned, they will be sensitively disposed of by the hospital.

Results of the Post Mortem

The results of the post-mortem will usually be available within approximately 12 weeks from the date that the post mortem was carried out at St George’s Hospital. You will receive an appointment to meet with your Obstetric Consultant to discuss the results when they are available. A copy of your report will be available for you to keep if you wish.

Further Information

You may feel that you require further, more detailed information regarding a post-mortem in order to make your decision. The Still Birth and Neonatal Death Society (SANDS) provides information that may help you to decide on what you would like to happen. Please ask the Midwife for more information.

Arranging the funeral

Our Chaplaincy & Spiritual Care Team will support you in choosing the right option for your baby’s funeral.

A Privately Arranged Funeral Service

First and foremost, this was your baby, and you have the right to make arrangements for the funeral yourself. Arranging your baby’s funeral yourself can be empowering and healing; and you get the opportunity to do the final act for your baby the way you would like it to be done. By arranging the funeral privately, you can choose burial or cremation with an undertaker of your choice and at a cemetery or crematorium that is convenient for you. You can also provide your own minister. You will need to begin by contacting a funeral director of your own choice. This may seem daunting but the Hospital Chaplain will be happy to offer help and advice.

A Hospital Arranged Individual Service Burial or Cremation

If you feel you cannot make the arrangements yourself, our Chaplains will work with you and arrange a service that meets your requirements. Your baby’s funeral will then be carried out by the funeral directors that are under contract to the hospital. We will ensure a burial or a cremation for your baby which is either a religious or spiritual service. If burial is your preferred choice, this will take place at Queens Road Cemetery. If you decide to have your baby cremated, this will take place at Croydon Crematorium.

Monthly Collective Funeral

If you feel that you don’t want to attend the funeral service we can include your baby in our monthly collective service*. The occasion is attended only by the Chaplain and is held on the afternoon of the last Tuesday of each month (a service is not held in December) at Croydon Crematorium. Although parents do not attend this service, you may wish to be informed of the date and time; if this is the case then the Chaplain will notify you of this. The service is a very simple religious service. All of the ashes are scattered in the Children’s Garden of Remembrance in the crematorium gardens. If you have any further questions or concerns that you feel that the Chaplaincy & Spiritual Care Team may be able to assist with, please do not hesitate to contact them.

*Please note that this option is only available to babies born before 24 weeks’ gestation showing no signs of life.

Please take time to reach your decision. If you are unable to, or not ready to make a decision at this time, please inform your Midwife. A member of the Chaplaincy & Spiritual Care Team will contact you within the next couple of weeks to discuss your choices. Alternatively, one of our Chaplains will come and visit you on the Ward. If you would like a Chaplain to visit you please ask one of the nurses or midwives to contact the Chaplaincy & Spiritual Care Team.

Remembering Your Baby

In time to come, most parents find keepsakes and memories of time spent with their baby to be of great comfort. It is not uncommon to feel you want to rush away from the situation, but on page 9 are a few suggestions you might like to consider. Wherever possible, all parents should be given the opportunity to create memories, and individual needs and wishes respected.

Seeing and holding your baby

Most parents find it comforting to see and hold their baby. This may be the first time you have had to deal with a loss and it is natural to feel apprehensive about cuddling your baby. If you don’t feel able, the Midwives or Nurses will be happy to hold your baby for you to see. Take your time and remember you can change your mind. Even once you have gone home, you can ring the Hospital Chaplain on 020 8401 3105 and ask to come back and see your baby in the Mortuary Chapel.

Bathing and dressing your baby

If you would like to, you may be able to wash and dress your baby, perhaps in some clothes or a blanket you have specially chosen, or you can ask the Midwives or Nurses to do this for you.

Photographs

The Midwives or Nurses can take photographs of your baby so that you can include them in your Memory Box. Feel free to ask a Midwife or Nurse to take a photograph of you with your baby. If you would like to, you can also take your own photographs.

Keepsakes

It may be possible to have a lock of your baby’s hair, and a foot and hand print. You may also like to keep your baby’s cot tag and wrist band. The Midwives or Nurses will be pleased to advise and help you in any way they can.

Blessing

Although your baby has died, it is possible for the Hospital Chaplain or the Minister of Religion of your choice to name and bless your baby. This would usually take place at your bedside and you will be given a Certificate of Blessing.

Other ways the Chaplaincy & Spiritual Care Team can help

Our Chaplaincy & Spiritual Care Team can help you with the pain of loss and support you from a pastorally, spiritually or religious perspective. We have Bereavement Support Workers that can provide support to families who have suffered a pregnancy loss or bereavement. If you would like help please contact our Chaplaincy & Spiritual Care Team. Other ways that we can assist you maybe:

Our Butterfly Tree

We have in our worship centre a butterfly tree and offer all parents the opportunity to hang a butterfly with your babies name on it. The butterfly is seen as a sign of new life as this transforms from a chrysalis. If you would like to hang a butterfly on the tree or you would like one of our chaplains to hang one please contact our chaplaincy team who can help you arrange this.

Attend our annual Butterfly Service

We hold in October our annual butterfly service which lots of families come to and we celebrate the life of the babies that have been lost. This is a special service of celebration which provides parents that have suffered a loss to have an opportunity to remember them and talk with many other families that have also been through a similar loss.

If you would like to be invited to this please contact our Chaplaincy & Spiritual Care Team who will ensure that you are included on the list for an invitation.

Memorial Book of Remembrance

In our worship centre we have a book of remembrance where we include babies names on the date that they passed or were born. If you would like your babies name included please contact the Chaplaincy & Spiritual Care Team.

Crocus Garden of Remembrance.

We are very proud that the Bishop of Croydon and the Civic Mayor of Croydon opened our new Crocus Garden in 2022. This is our spiritual Garden of remembrance where we offer parents the opportunity to book an appointment to plant a crocus bulb in remembrance of the little one that is no longer with us. We have chosen the crocus bulb as Croydon got its name from growing crocuses in the Chrome fields and also because it is seen as a sign of new life.

If you would like to plant a crocus bulb please contact our Chaplaincy & Spiritual Care Team who will be very helpful in arranging this.

We do ask that if you can give a small donation towards purchasing new bulbs this will be very much appreciated. Contact

When you are bereaved

Bereavement is a shattering experience. You may experience feelings of loss and grief that seem overwhelming. The loss of your baby can affect you in several ways, emotionally, physically, socially and in many practical areas of your life.

Your bereavement may feel like the greatest challenge you have ever faced and, at times, especially in the early days, it may seem impossible to carry on. You will find ways of moving forward and of gradually coming to terms with what has happened.

Try to be gentle with yourself. Grief is messy, it is exhausting, it seems as if it is going to stay forever, but within yourself you will find the resources you need to journey on and to heal. In time your memories, although they may cause pain now, will bring pleasure and new hope.

It helps to talk

It can be helpful in the grieving process to express our pain. You may find that you need to talk about the events leading up to the loss of your baby. This is quite natural and is one of the ways in which we gradually make sense of what has happened. It may be helpful to talk to family and friends, but our Chaplaincy & Spiritual Care Team will also be there to support you, and can provide bereavement support.

Avoid isolation

Grief can be an incredibly lonely and isolating experience. Being with others, friends or a support group, who have also experienced loss can be a great help.

You may find that you are not functioning as effectively as usual for a period, and that your concentration and memory may be affected. It can be difficult to feel in control of your grief so it might be necessary to manage your expectations of yourself, and not to set unrealistic tasks. You might find that it is helpful to add some structure to your days and plan, for example, some gentle exercise, which can be an important means of relieving stress. It is important to remember that allowing yourself a break or a distraction from the pain, and enjoying, for example, a film or a visit from a friend does not mean in any way that you have forgotten your loved one.

Returning to work

When you feel ready to return to work, it might be necessary to consider some adjustments to make the transition more manageable. You may find it comforting to have a colleague accompany you into work on the first day.

If possible, it might be advisable to return to work gradually, doing shorter days or work for fewer days per week. While at work, try to build times into your day in which you can allow yourself a break. It is entirely normal to not want to discuss your experience at work, but remember, you can change your mind once you have been back for a while.

Remember

All experiences of grief are unique, and it is important to remember that the process will vary both in duration and intensity and that there are no rules. It is important to show yourself kindness and try to find a means of coping that works for you, though this may well change too as time passes. Eventually, as the healing process continues, you will feel more in control and better able to manage.

Useful Contacts

Bereavement Midwife

0208 4013000 ext. 5943

07920751863

ch-tr.pregnancyloss@nhs.net

(Available Monday to Friday

8am - 4pm)

Chaplaincy and Spiritual Care

Team

0208 401 3105

Mobiles:

07557 014739 / 07557 014860 / 07825 125721

(Chaplaincy can also be contacted directly through the switchboard

0208 4013000 who will contact the Chaplaincy Team directly).

Mortuary

0208 4013000 ext. 4712

If you need help about the baby concerning the Mortuary, they can be contacted Monday to Friday (excluding Bank/Public Holidays). 9am - 3.30pm

In an emergency out of hours, they can be contact via switchboard.

Bereavement Office

Located by Woodcroft Wing

Entrance, Ground Floor

Yellow Zone

0208 401 3104 / 3143

Open Monday to Friday

8am - 4pm

Croydon University Hospital

NHS Trust Maternity Services

Contact Details (24hours):

Triage

020 8401 3853

Labour Ward

020 8401 3179/3180

Organisations offering help and advice

Antenatal Results & Choices

(ARC)

Helpline: 0207 713 7486

Mon-Fri 10am - 5.30pm

www.arc-uk.org

ARC offers specialised support to parents before, during and after the prenatal testing process; when they are told their unborn baby has an anomaly; when they are making difficult decisions about continuing with or ending a pregnancy, and when they are coping with complex and painful issues after making a decision, including bereavement.

Assist Trauma Care Helpline

07947 875 552

BLISS

020 7378 1122

www.bliss.org.uk

Support after a traumatic bereavement.

BLISS is the premature baby charity for support, advice and information for families of babies in intensive care and special care, including bereaved families.

Carers UK Advice Line

0808 808 7777

Child Death Helpline

0800 282 986

Open: 10am - 1pm & 7pm - 10pm

Monday-Friday

The Compassionate Friends

Helpline

0345 123 2304

Email: helpline@tcf.org.uk

Open: 10am - 4pm & 7pm - 10pm

For all those affected by the death of a child.

Support after the death of a child of any age.

CRUSE (Croydon branch)

020 8916 0855

Email: croydon@cruse.org.uk

Edward’s Trust

0121 454 1705

www.edwardstrust.org.uk

Hope Again Helpline

0808 808 1677

Email: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk

Open: 9.30am - 5pm

Monday-Friday

Jewish Bereavement Counselling Service

0208 951 3881

Email: enquiries@jbcs.org.uk

www.jbcs.org.uk

The Lullaby Trust

0808 802 6868

Email: support@lullabytrust.org.uk

Open: 10am - 5pm Monday-Friday

6pm - 10pm Saturday & Sunday

The Miscarriage Association

Helpline: 01924 200 799

Mon- Fri 9am - 4pm

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk

Muslim Bereavement Support

020 3468 7333

Email: info@mbss.org.uk

The national bereavement organisation.

Edward’s Trust Sunrise Supports children and families through serious illness and bereavement.

Support for young people after loss.

A dedicated Jewish bereavement counselling service for adults and children.

Support for families who have lost a baby or toddler.

Support for parents following miscarriage up to 24 weeks of pregnancy.

The Samaritans Helpline

116 123

Email: jo@samaritans.org

Open 24/7 throughout the year.

Croydon Samaritans

0330 094 5717

2b Kidderminster Rd, Croydon CR9 2BQ

Drop in available from 7.30am - 9.00pm except Sundays

Stillbirth & Neonatal Death Society (SANDS)

0808 164 3332

Email: helpline@uk-sands.org

Open: 9.30am - 5.30pm

Monday-Friday and 6pm - 8pm

Tuesday & Thursday Sudden Death Support Association

0800 2600 400

Email: jkusner@brake.org.uk

www.sudden.org

A confidential emotional support service available to anyone in a crisis.

Support for People with Learning Disabilities

www.dyingmatters.org

Surrey SANDS

07817 410075

Email: surrey.sands@btinternet.com

Sudden is a global charitable initiative by Brake, the road safety charity, sharing best practice, research and resources among professionals and carers who work with suddenly bereaved people.

Dying Matters website has some useful resources to help support people with learning difficulties.

Switchboard

0300 330 0630

Switchboard offers a telephone support and advice service for lesbians and gay men bereaved by the death of a partner, or otherwise affected by bereavement. The helpline is run by trained volunteers.

There is also a bereavement support group providing a safe space for LGBT people who have lost their partners.

The Natural Death Centre

Email: contact@naturaldeath.org.uk

www.naturaldeath.org.uk

The Natural Death Centre has been established for 21 years and is a social, entrepreneurial, educational charity that gives free, impartial advice on all aspects of dying, bereavement, planning a family led or do it yourself funeral and consumer rights. Read ‘The Natural Death Handbook.

‘Tommys’ The Baby Charity

Helpline: 0800 0147 800

Mon-Fri 9am - 5pm

www.tommys.org/baby-losssupport

Twins Trust

Helpline: 0800 138 0509

Everyday 365 days a year

between 10am - 1pm and 7pm - 10pm

www.twinstrust.org

Tommys can provide telephone and on-line support for all members of the family affected by the loss of a baby. There is a team of specialist trained midwives who are experienced in bereavement.

Twins Trust have a bereavement support group for those affected by the loss of one or more babies of multiple pregnancies.

Services in relation to supporting children

Child Bereavement UK

0800 02 888 40

Email: support@childbereavementuk.org

www.childbereavementuk.org

The Child Death Helpline

Tel: 0800 282986

www.childdeathhelpline.org.uk

Monday to Friday 10am - 1pm Tuesday and Wednesday 1pm - 4pm

Every evening 7pm - 10pm

The Compassionate Friends (TCF)

0345 123 2304

Email: helpline@tcf.org.uk

www.tcf.org.uk

Available from 10am - 4pm and 7pm - 10pm. The line is always answered by a bereaved parent.

Cruse Bereavement Care –Hope Again

0808 808 1677

Email: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk

www.hopeagain.org.uk

Child Bereavement UK is a national organisation that supports families when a baby or child of any age dies or is dying, or when a child is facing bereavement.

Freephone confidential Helpline open every day of the year for anyone affected by the death of a child.

TCF is a charitable organisation of bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents dedicated to the support and care of those who have suffered the death of a child/children.

Hope Again is a website developed by Cruse Bereavement Care’s Youth Involvement Project which aims to support young people after the death of someone close to them.

CRY (Cardiac Risk in the Young)

01737 363222

Email: cry@c-r-y.org.uk

Grief Encounter Project

0808 802 0111

www.griefencounter.org.uk

Monday to Friday 9am – 9pm

Winston’s Wish

08088 020 021

Email: info@winstonswish.org.uk

www.winstonswish.org.uk

Monday to Friday 9am – 5pm

Options Charity

020 8540 7675

www.optionslondon.org

Offers support and information to bereaved children and families.

Charity offering practical support and guidance to bereaved children, their families and professionals.

Providing care to those suffering from a miscarriage.

Reference: Croydon Hospital Parental Guide Bereavement Booklet

Publication date: June 2023

Review date: June 2025