Ninewells Hospital Bereavement Booklet

When

someone has died... Local help for you

Dundee and Angus

Ninewells Hospital

James Arrott Drive

Dundee DD2 1SG

Telephone: 01382 660111

Registration of deaths in Tayside

At the time of writing, registrations of deaths are being completed using the telephone and, where necessary, emails. Please be aware that you will need to make an appointment with the Registrar in order to register a death.

We wish to thank the advertisers and sponsors, without whom this publication would not have been possible.

Please note, however, NHS Tayside does not endorse any of the products or services which are provided by any of these particular advertisers and sponsors.

The information within this booklet is correct at the time of printing; however they may change in time.

Reference: NHS Tayside Bereavement Guide (Ninewells Hospital)

Publication Date: March 2024

Practical guidance on registering a death

When someone close to you dies, you may be unsure of what to do. We hope this booklet will help you through the first few days.

What do I need to do first?

• You will need to tell close family and friends what has happened.

• The ‘Medical Certificate of Cause of Death’ (MCCD) or ‘Form 11’, will need to have been completed by a doctor. Currently, the MCCD will be emailed from the Hospital to the Registrars. Should this be different, the Hospital will advise you.

• You may be asked which local Registrars you wish the MCCD to be sent to and if you wish to be copied into the email.

• You should think about the funeral. If you wish, you can contact a funeral director before you go ahead and register the death. It is best not to delay making contact with the funeral director.

• You should try to find the Will of the person who has died. If you can’t find it, check if a lawyer holds a copy.

Bereavement Service

The Bereavement Service supports people during bereavement by providing a single point of contact and liaison for death and bereavement-related issues.

What we do

The Bereavement Service complements the care and support routinely offered to bereaved relatives by hospital and community staff by:

• Providing advice and information on practical issues following bereavement, for example registering a death, arranging a funeral, etc.

• Providing booklets and other information resources.

• Signposting to sources of further advice and support in the community.

We also provide a Bereavement Listening Service, and can signpost to counselling if required.

Contact Us:

tay.bereavementtayside@nhs.scot

Telephone: 01382 740522 ext 40522

Level 7

Ninewells Hospital

Dundee

DD1 9SY

What do Chaplains do?

Chaplains provide a safe, compassionate space where patients, family, carers and staff members can express their hopes and fears in confidence. We offer support to people of all backgrounds, with or without a specific faith or belief.

We provide:

• A listening ear, spiritual and emotional support, allowing you to reflect on your experience, ways of coping, beliefs and concerns.

• A means to express loss, fear, anger and sorrow.

How can I see a Chaplain?

Whilst you are still in the hospital, if you would like to make contact and have a member of the chaplaincy team visit, please ask one of the staff to make contact, alternatively, call the Wellbeing Centre on 01382 423 110. They will arrange for you to speak with a chaplain. We work office hours Monday –Friday, however, if your request for a visit whilst in hospital, is out of hours there is an on-call chaplain available and can be accessed via switchboard on 01382 660 111.

Community Listening Service

Many of us find it helpful to talk, particularly during stressful events at home or work, or after a bereavement or loss.

Telling your story uninterrupted and judgment-free could help you to sort through your emotions. You may then be able to rediscover your strength and find a way forward.

The Community Listening Service provides 50 minute appointments with fully trained listeners on the phone or within your GP practice.

A Tayside patient who recently used the service told us, “The service made an immediate and immense difference to my stress levels... I cannot overstate the benefits of this service, and [the listener] was really wonderful to talk to.”

The service is available to anyone registered with a Tayside GP practice. Email tay.listening@nhs.scot, call 01382 423 116 or text 0796 777 1941 to make an appointment or find out more.

Local support

If you feel you need extra support you can also talk with a social worker. The duty social worker will meet with you before arranging any services.

Social work offices

Please call Local Offices:

Angus – 03452 777 778 (Ask for first contact)

Dundee – 01382 434 019

Perth and Kinross – 0345 301 1120

What happens if the person who died wanted to donate their tissue?

• You should tell the doctor or hospital staff that the person wished to donate their tissue. You will need to explain that you know this because the person: told you about this or included such wishes in a Will or had a donor card.

• It may be possible to use tissue for transplantation, but this must be done within 24 – 48 hours of death so please discuss this with hospital staff as early as possible.

What happens if there is a hospital post-mortem?

• A hospital post-mortem (sometimes called an autopsy) is the medical examination of a person who has died.

• Sometimes the doctor will ask for a hospital post-mortem examination to understand more about why someone died.

• If this happens, the doctor will always discuss this with you first. A hospital post-mortem can only be carried out if the person gave their consent before they died, or if their nearest relative agrees.

The Procurator Fiscal

In some cases a death needs to be reported to the Procurator Fiscal. This usually happens if the death has been sudden, unexpected or accidental or if the death is suspicious or unexplained.

The medical staff at the hospital will contact the Procurator Fiscal, who may decide to investigate the death. This may involve:

• speaking with the person’s GP, relatives, friends or those present at the time of death; and

• a Post-Mortem examination (in these cases your consent is not required)

Please try not to be too concerned about the Procurator Fiscal’s involvement or the involvement of the police who may assist in the investigation, as it is quite normal for the Procurator Fiscal to investigate sudden and unexpected deaths. None of this should stop you making funeral arrangements. Your funeral director will be able to communicate with the hospital to obtain any information required to proceed.

The Mortuary

The deceased will be transferred from the hospital to the mortuary. This may be at another hospital operated by NHS Tayside. Staff will advise you if this is the case.

Viewings

Families are encouraged to view their relative at their funeral directors as this is a more suitable environment. However, there are some occasions when you may want to view your relative while they are in the hospital mortuary. If you would like to do this please ring the ward and ask the nursing staff to arrange this.

When and how do I register the death?

• The death of someone close can be overwhelming and you may need help to do all these things. Relatives, friends or neighbours can support you.

• A priest, minister or religious leader may also be able to help you or tell you where you can find help.

• You can get advice from the Bereavement Service Office. Contact us: tay.bereavementtayside@nhs.scot 01382 740522 extension 40522 Level 7 Ninewells Hospital Dundee DD1 9SY

• You must register the death within 8 days.

• You will need to make an appointment to do this, so you should telephone the Registrar.

Local Registrars

Angus

The Registrar’s Office, 9 West High Street, Forfar DD8 1BD 03452 777 778 regforfar@ angus.gov.uk

Dundee

The Registrar’s Office, 20 City Square, Dundee DD1 3BD 01382 435222 registrars@ dundeecity.gov. uk

Perth and Kinross

The Registrar’s Office, 2 High Street, Perth PH1 5PH 01738 475121 perthregistrars@pkc. gov.uk

Fife

The Registrar’s Office, Country Buildings, St Catherine Street

Cupar KY15 4TA

The Registrar’s Office, City Chambers, Kirkgate, Dunfermline KY12 7ND 0345 155 0077 fife.registrars@ fife.gov.uk

Who can register the death?

• A close relative or partner would normally register the death. An executor, someone who was present at the death, or the occupier of the property where the person died can also register the death.

• However, anyone can register the death as long as they have the information that is needed. So if you feel too upset, you can ask someone else to do this.

What documents do I need?

To register the death, the Registrar should already have the MCCD. It is helpful if you can also take:

• The person’s birth certificate and marriage or civil partnership certificate(s)

• Their NHS medical card and any documents about a state pension or any social security benefits.

Don’t worry if you don’t have all these documents. The Registrar will still be able to register the death.

What details will I be asked for?

Details needed for registration:

• Full name, occupation, postal address of the deceased person and their date and country of birth.

• If the deceased was a married man, widower or divorced, the full name of his wife or former wife.

• If the deceased was a married woman, a widow or divorced, the full name and occupation of her husband or former husband.

• If the deceased has been married more than once, particulars of previous spouses are also required.

• If the deceased had a civil partner, or had previously been in a civil partnership, the details of the civil partner.

• If the deceased was in a relationship at the date of death, the date of birth of the surviving widow, widower or partner.

• The full name and occupation of the deceased person’s father and the full name and maiden surname of the deceased’s mother.

• The name and address of the deceased’s own doctor.

What does a review of the ‘Medical Certificate of Cause of Death’ involve?

A national review system of the ‘Medical Certificate of Cause of Death’ provides independent checks on the quality and accuracy of such certificates. All deaths not referred to the Procurator Fiscal or relating to a stillbirth will be subject to random selection for review by Health Information Scotland medical reviewers, an organisation independent of NHS Tayside.

What form will the reviews take?

There will be two main categories of review: Level one review Level two review

• Expected to be completed in one working day.

• Will apply to about 10% of non-fiscal or stillbirth deaths.

• Expected to be completed in three working days.

• Will apply to approximately 1,000 deaths a year (Scotland-wide).

What does that mean for me?

• The doctor who certifies the death will explain the content of the ‘Medical Certificate of Cause of Death’ to you. You can ask questions of the doctor or nurse.

• If the death is not a stillbirth of a baby or a sudden death which involves referral to the Procurator Fiscal, you may be advised that the certificate has been selected for a random review when you take it to the Registrar. You do not have to do anything at this point.

• The review relates to the quality and accuracy of the ‘Medical Certificate of Cause of Death’ and involves the independent medical reviewers contacting the certifying doctor. The Registrar will contact you as soon as the review has taken place to allow you to proceed to the Certificate of Registration of Death (Form 14) and then to arrange the funeral.

• You need not delay in contacting a funeral director even if a review is taking place. The time of the funeral cannot, however, be confirmed until the Form 14 has been issued.

What will the registrar give me?

When you register the death, the Registrar will give you a number of documents, free of charge:

• A certificate of registration of death (Form 14). You should give this to your funeral director.

• A green social security registration or notification of death certificate (Form 334/S1). You will need this if the person who dies received a state pension or any social security benefits.

• A shortened version of the death certificate.

You can also buy copies of the full death certificate. Some organisations may ask for this, for example, insurance companies or banks. There is a charge of £12 per certificate. Urgent copies cost £15 per certificate.

For more information, go to the General Register Office for Scotland’s website www.gro-scotland.gov.uk or ask someone at the local Registrar’s Office. Remember, you have to telephone in advance to make an appointment before you can register a death.

Tell Us Once

A service called ‘Tell Us Once’ can help you inform government agencies about a death. The Registrar will give you the details you need for this.

Through ‘Tell Us Once’, information is passed securely and in confidence to the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) in the first instance, which can then be passed onto other government departments and council services.

The information is then used to update records, amend service provision accordingly and calculate any changes to finances such as benefits and tax.

Services and organisations involved include:

• Council - housing benefit, council tax benefit, council tax, council payments, libraries, electoral service, blue badges, adult services, children’s services and housing.

• Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA).

• Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) - pension, disability and carers service, Jobcentre Plus and overseas health team.

• HM Revenue and Customs - child benefit, child tax credit and working tax credit, personal taxation.

• Ministry of Defence - war pensions scheme identity and passport service.

Stopping Junk Mail to the recently deceased

If someone you know has died, the amount of unwanted marketing post being sent to them can be greatly reduced which helps to stop painful daily reminders.

By registering with the free service www.stopmail.co.uk the names and addresses of the deceased are removed from mailing lists, stopping most advertising mail within as little as six weeks. If you cannot access the internet you can call 0808 168 9607, where you will be asked for very simple information that will take only a few minutes to complete.

This free of charge service provided by the Bereavement Support Network will actively reduce the unwanted marketing mail but also can help reduce the likelihood of identity theft following the death of someone close. The information is not used for any other purpose and you only have to complete this once. Additionally to ‘Stop Mail’ a comparable service can also be accessed from the Bereavement Register or Deceased Preference Service if you would prefer to use them.

How to organise a funeral

How do I arrange a funeral?

• You can speak to a funeral director as soon as you feel ready.

• You do not have to wait until the ‘Medical Certificate of Cause of Death’ is completed or the death has been registered before you contact a funeral director. You do, however, have to register the death and receive Form 14 before you make the final arrangements for the funeral.

• Do not feel you have to rush. Taking your time may make planning the funeral easier and the exact date of the service will probably be decided by factors outside your control, for example, the availability of the funeral director, minister, crematorium or cemetery and the completion of any review of the ‘MCCD’.

• You can find the contact details for local funeral directors at the back of this booklet and in the telephone book.

• You do not have to use a funeral director, although most people find this helpful.

• If you wish to make some arrangements yourself, the ‘Natural Death Centre’ can provide support and information.

The Scottish Government has released a leaflet entitled ‘Arranging a Funeral?’ which provides advice and includes a note of useful publications and contacts when making funeral arrangements. This can be found on the Scottish Government website and gives much general information and other sources of help.

How do I plan the funeral?

It might help if you consider a few questions:

1. Did the person who died make any requests or leave instructions for their funeral?

2. Who should be involved in planning the funeral? You could speak to family and friends about this.

3. Will it be a burial or cremation? Where will it take place?

4. Who will conduct the ceremony? If the person died in hospital, the Chaplaincy service can give you advice and support, or put you in touch with representatives of religious and non-religious organisations. Ward staff can contact the chaplains for you. The Chaplains can also be contacted at the Wellbeing Centre on 01382 423110.

5. Will you put a death notice in any newspaper? What would you like it to say? It can help to think about this before you meet with the funeral director, who will handle this for you.

You can ask a funeral director for advice on all matters. You can find a list of funeral directors at the back of this booklet.

How to pay for the funeral

Funeral costs vary and you may wish to ask several funeral directors about the service they provide.

Funeral directors should explain their costs and give you a written estimate. Before meeting the funeral director, you should try to think about how to pay for the funeral.

1. Find out if the person who died:

• Made arrangements to pay for the funeral for example, with a life assurance policy or a prepaid funeral plan.

• Left enough money to pay for the funeral. Funeral costs have first claim on any remaining estate.

2. If no money is available and you get benefits or tax credits, you may be able to apply for a ‘Funeral Support Payment’ from Social Security Scotland. You should:

• Ask someone at your local Jobcentre Plus if you qualify for this or call Social Security Scotland on 0800 182 2222.

• Tell the funeral director as soon as possible if you want to apply.

3. If your wife, husband or civil partner has died you may be able to apply for a benefit called a ‘Bereavement payment’. You should ask at the local Jobcentre Plus if you qualify for this or call the Department for Work and Pensions.

4. You can find out more about this on the ‘Bereavement payment’ section on the www.gov.uk website.

The ‘Funeral Support payment’ and ‘Bereavement payment’ are subject to conditions and you should not assume you are eligible.

If no one is able to arrange and pay for the funeral, the local council may be able to.

Checklist of who to tell about the death

Bank, building society or insurance companies

Lawyer

Landlord or housing provider

Employer or Trades Union

Pension provider

Utility suppliers

Telephone provider

Family doctor (GP), dentist, optician

Other health / social services

Unused medicines

Clubs and associations

Libraries

Blue Badge

Bus / rail travel companies

Passport Agency

If in rented accommodation

Cancel future appointments

Uplift equipment or cancel services no longer required

Return to community Pharmacist

Cancel membership

Return any books, cancel membership

Return to Social Work Department

Cancel pass

Return passport

How can I deal with my feelings?

As you try to cope with the emotions of a death consider the following:

Take your time

You may feel numb, or find it difficult to believe what has happened. You may feel relief that the person is no longer suffering. You may feel sad, angry or guilty. You may also feel panicky about what needs to be done, or about what lies ahead. It’s important – especially in the first few days – that you allow yourself:

• time to take in what has happened

• time to talk about the person who has died

• time to feel the pain and the loneliness

• time for yourself.

Do it your way

We are all different, and we react to death in different ways. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Just try to do what feels right for you.

Take care of yourself

It is important to look after yourself. For example, you should try to eat well, and avoid drinking too much alcohol. It’s also important to know that it’s normal to feel afraid, have nightmares or struggle to see the point of life. However if you are worried about your feelings, you can speak to your doctor.

Remember

Grief is normal – it is part of what it is to be human and to have feelings.

Grief is a journey – it is often hard, but it will get easier.

Grief has no shortcuts – grief takes time. It often takes much longer than you, and many people around you may expect.

It is normal both to grieve and live – when you find yourself not thinking about the person who has died, that is alright.

Grief can be scary – and can lead to depressing thoughts and even thoughts of suicide. It is natural to think this way and okay to talk about it.

Finally, it is important not to expect too much of yourself, and know when to ask for help. The death of someone close is a major event in anybody’s life and there are no quick ways of adjusting. It can be helpful to find someone you trust that you can to talk to – for example, a friend, your doctor, or religious leader. If after a while you feel that you are still not coping you may want to speak with your doctor. You can also get help from some organisations on pages 26-30.

How do children cope with their feelings?

If you are supporting children after a death, it is important to remember that children grieve too. They often express their grief through their behaviour. They may become quieter, or more easily tearful or angry in everyday situations. They may have physical symptoms, for example a sore tummy.

When someone dies children usually realise something is wrong. They need help to understand what has happened and to express their feelings. Here are some thoughts that you may find helpful.

• It’s important to be honest with children – you should tell them the person has died, and explain what this means using words they understand. Help children understand that death is natural: all living things die, accidents happen, and illness and old age are all part of the life cycle of people and animals.

• Children may feel hurt or angry that the person has gone, or may feel that it is because of something they said or did. It is important to allow children to express these feelings, and to reassure them that they are not to blame.

• Children will move in and out of their grief – sad and tearful one moment, and maybe playing the next. It is important to recognise that this is normal and to try and support them.

• After the death of someone close children will worry that they, or others close to them, could die too. Again it is important to be honest with children: everybody dies sometime, but most people live a long time.

• Adults often worry about letting children see the person who has died or attend the funeral. Every child is different, but if they are going to be present you can help them prepare by explaining what will happen. A funeral director may be able to help you with this. Younger children might like to draw or write something to be placed with or in the coffin; you could ask older children for ideas for the funeral – for example a special piece of music, or a favourite memory to share with other people.

• You should try to keep children to their routine – this will help them feel more secure. You could look through photos with them and share stories about special times: sharing memories can help all the family feel stronger.

Ways to help someone who has been bereaved

• Be present and attentive to the bereaved person. Allow for moments of silence and reflection.

• Listen in a non-judgemental and accepting way.

• Avoid the use of clichés such as ‘Think of all the good times’, ‘You can always have another child’.

• Mention the deceased person’s name and encourage the bereaved person to talk about them.

• Offer practical and emotional support, for example, by looking after children or cooking a meal.

• Understanding that tears are normal and a healthy part of the grieving process.

• Don’t try to fill in conversations with a lot of outside news. Remember that grief may take years to work through.

• Acknowledge anniversaries and dates of significance for the bereaved person.

Local and national services and resources

These are some organisations which provide support in bereavement.

British Heart Foundation Bereavement Support

Heart Helpline: 0300 330 3311

www.bhf.org.uk/information

support/publications/caring-and-bereavement-publications

Support for carers and people who have lost someone to heart disease.

Calman Cancer Support Centre

Telephone: 0800 652 4531

www.cancersupportscotland.org

Here for patients, carers, family and friends or anyone in Scotland affected by cancer.

Citizens Advice Bureau

Scottish Citizens Advice Helpline: 0800 028 1456 www.cas.org.uk

Free, impartial advice on a wide range of issues including money, benefits, legal matters, and housing.

Cruse Bereavement Care Scotland

Telephone: 0808 802 6161

Email: support@crusescotland.org.uk

Website: www.crusescotland.org.uk

A charity offering bereavement information and support, including face-toface counselling at local offices around Scotland.

Good Life, Good Death, Good Grief

Telephone: 0131 272 2735

www.goodlifedeathgrief.org.uk

Good Life, Good Death, Good Grief is working to make Scotland a place where there is more openness about death, dying and bereavement.

Funeral Link

Funeral Link is a charity based in Dundee aiming to prevent hardship as a result of paying for a funeral. We understand the challenges you face when planning a funeral on a low income or little or no savings and you don’t know where to start. If you are struggling to meet funeral costs contact our team on 01382 458800 for one-to-one support and independent advice.

Maggie’s - Everyone’s home of cancer care

Telephone: 0300 123 1801

Email: enquiries@maggies.org

www.maggies.org

Maggie’s is a charity providing free cancer support and information in centres across the UK and online, for you or someone that you care about that has cancer.

NHS inform Bereavement Zone

www.nhsinform.scot/bereavement

The Bereavement Zone can help you find answers to your questions and guide you through the early days of your bereavement. It can also help you understand more of the experience of loss in the days that lie ahead.

Petal

Telephone: 01698 324 502

www.petalsupport.com

Petal support families and friends of murder and suicide victims through telephone counselling.

SOBS - Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide

National Helpline: 0300 111 5065

www.uksobs.org

A self-help organisation aiming to provide a safe, confidential environment in which bereaved people can share their experiences and feelings.

Scottish Association for Mental Health (SAMH) www.samh.org.uk

Provide mental health social care support for adults and young people.

Sudden

Telephone: 0800 2600 400 www.sudden.org

Supporting people after sudden death.

Money Helper

Telephone: 0800 011 3797

Website: www.moneyhelper.org.uk

A free, impartial money advice service set up by the UK government.

Bereavement support for children and young people

Child Bereavement UK

Phone: 0800 028 8840

Email: support@childbereavementuk.org

Website: www.childbereavementuk.org

A national charity providing support for bereaved families, children and professionals.

Children’s Hospice Association Scotland (CHAS)

Telephone: 0131 444 1900

www.chas.org.uk

Offering practical help and emotional support – from diagnosis, through to care, bereavement and beyond for parents, carers and brothers and sisters.

Miscarriage Association

Helpline: 01924 200799

Email: info@miscarriageassociation.org.uk

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk

Provide support and information to anyone affected by miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy or molar pregnancy.

SANDS (UK Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Charity)

Helpline: 0808 164 3332

Email: helpline@sands.org.uk

www.sands.org.uk

Support for anyone affected by the death of a baby.

The Compassionate Friends

Telephone: 0345 123 2304

www.tcf.org.uk

Offers support to bereaved parents and their families after the death of a child.

Winston’s Wish

Helpline: 08088 020 021

Email: ask@winstonswish.org

www.winstonswish.org

A national charity providing support for bereaved children and young people.

The Hospital would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from services o ering their help at this time.

Whilst the Hospital is grateful of their support it does not endorse or recommend any of the services that they provide.

It is distressing to deal with a bereavement and unsolicited mail can be insensitive and destructive during a grieving process.

By scanning the below QR code on your phone or visiting www.stopmail.co.uk, we are able to securely share this information with mailing organisations and under the Data Protection Act the information will not be used for any other purpose.

Other benefits reduce the possibility of identity fraud, such as assumed identity and you will only have to supply the information once.

This publication has been jointly developed between ourselves and the hospital. We hope that it has been or will be of help at this time and we welcome any comments or suggestions that you may have.

Please contact us either by phone, email or by post. RNS Publications, Trium