Family Support Team

Family Support Team

Counselling * Social Work * Listening Support *

We can support our patient’s family members during their illness and after their death. Merith Shorter is our Psychotherapist/Counsellor, who heads up the family support team. She offers one to one counselling with adults and young people (for loved ones, carers and patients). Lisa Bryan is our Social Worker, who can advise on many issues, Lisa provides carers Support and can help support bereavement projects like making memory boxes with children and therapeutic creative play. Merith and Lisa also facilitate group therapies. Hear & Now is a volunteer listening support team who support families, and also patients on the ward. They provide a confidential and supportive service as and when needed helping across all areas of our family services. Our family support services are available to all families who’s loved ones we support at the Hospice. We offer a longer term bereavement support group which normally runs over 6 sessions. Please call 01745 585221 or Email: M.shorter@stkentigernhospice.org.uk l.bryan@stkentigernhospice.org.uk to get in touch with one of our Team.

What about the children?

No child is too young to notice when an important person in their life is no longer there. Children often show grief in a different way to adults.

How can you help bereaved children?

1. Tell children about the death as clearly and simply as you can. You may have to do this repeatedly. Avoid words and images that can be confusing e.g. ‘gone to sleep’. Encourage them to ask questions and be honest if you don’t have the answer. 2. Re-assure them they are still loved and will be taken care of. 3. Maintain as much security, routine and stability in their lives as possible. Let them know in advance of changes. 4. Re-assure them that death is not catching, and that the death of one person does not mean others will die soon. It is important not to give false assurance though, and children cannot be protected from the reality that everyone will die at some point. Re-assure them that they cannot have caused the death. 5. Involve them in planning the funeral and allow them the choice to attend, view the body or visit the grave.

Prepare them in advance for what it will be like.

Grief is normal

We will all experience the loss of someone significant during our lives. Grieving is our emotional response to this loss and may be overwhelming, distressing and confusing. You may feel isolated in your grief, and as though no-one understands. This is because everyone’s grief is unique and we all react differently. Every bereavement occurs within a wider context, and you may be struggling with other issues at the same time. If your loved one had suffered a long illness, you may have begun grieving some time ago. Although the death may have been expected, you may still be surprised at the shock you feel.

How might I feel?

There are no rules, ‘shoulds’ or ‘oughts’ about the natural process of grieving and reactions will vary. The nature of the death, your relationship with the person who died and your present circumstances will all have a bearing on your reaction. You may experience a wide range of feelings that are difficult to make sense of. At first you may be too shocked to feel anything, having only a sense of numbness and disbelief. As you begin to grasp the reality of what has happened, you may experience some of the most powerful feelings you have ever had, including: Sad, low in mood, distress, unable to enjoy life, depressed Worried, anxious, afraid, unable to relax Angry towards others – such as family, friends, health care workers, your faith – and even the person who has died Guilt and blame – yourself or others

Loneliness – even in the company of others A sense of relief - especially if you have watched someone suffer a long illness A sense of longing and searching for the person who has died. It is not uncommon for grieving people to wish they could die too, to escape the pain and be with their loved one. In this case, it is helpful to talk this over with your GP or a counsellor.

Physical effects

These are some common physical responses to grief: Tiredness, exhaustion Sleep disturbances Aches and pains – especially headaches, backache, muscular pain Changes in appetite Nausea, unsettled tummy Low resistance so may pick up bugs like colds more easily

How might grief affect my thoughts?

Inability to concentrate Pre-occupied and troubled by intrusive thoughts about the person who died and the events leading up to their death Loss of hope for the future A sense of unreality and detachment from everyday events

How might this affect my behaviour?

You may be: Irritable, angry Restless, unable to settle or relax Wanting to keep busy Tearful – or unable to cry Preferring your own company, rejecting others such as family, friends and social situations Not wanting to go out – or finding it difficult to stay in Understanding that these feelings, thoughts and behaviours can be normal grief reactions may re-assure and help you to feel less isolated at this time. No-one can know how long you will feel this way. Just as your relationship with the person who died was unique, then your feelings of grief, their intensity and duration, are unique. Your grief will change as in time you adjust to living your life while maintaining your bond with the person who died. If you feel unable to cope with your feelings, you can contact Merith Shorter at the hospice, or come to ‘Tea at 3’ held each Wednesday at the hospice 3-4 p.m.

Service of Remembrance

In December each year we hold several ‘Light up a Life’ services of remembrance in the community. Family and friends of those who have died are invited to join us in remembering those who have died. The services are followed by an opportunity to talk to members of the hospice staff and the chaplains.