Coping with the practicalities following a bereavement
We would like to express our sincere sympathy to you and your family at this time.
The death of a loved one can be very distressing and grieving is a normal response to loss or death. Grief can affect people in many different ways.
The practical elements and tasks following a death can often take over and overwhelm families in the first few weeks.
During these overwhelming times it is difficult to process the loss of your loved one and start the grieving stages, grief may not occur until after all the practicalities are done.
Hywel Dda University Health Board will prepare all the necessary paperwork, liaise with the Register Office, and the Medical Examiner Service, or the Coroner’s office to assist you to obtain the death certificate.
Hywel Dda University Health Board can also help you access Specialist Bereavement Services and services in your community that may help you during this distressing time.
When a death occurs in a hospital
In line with new legislation, Hywel Dda University Health Board works closely with the Medical Examiners Service (MES) to complete a Medical Certificate of the Cause of Death (MCCD). The MES carries out an independent scrutiny of each death. The MES will contact the doctor involved in the care of your loved one, to discuss the cause of death, they will also contact you to obtain your views and opinions.
Once a cause of death is agreed, the MCCD is then forwarded to the local Register Office. The MCCD is needed by the Register Service to register the death.
In some cases, the Coroner may need to be involved, and this may delay this process.
The Bereavement Services are contactable on these numbers:
Glangwili General Hospital, Carmarthen
Please telephone switchboard on 01267 235151 ask for bleep 161, the Care After Death Service, 8am - 4pm Monday to Friday.
If your loved one died in the Critical Care Unit in Glangwili
General Hospital, please make direct contact with the department on 01267 248691
Prince Philip Hospital, Llanelli
Please telephone switchboard on 01267 235151 ask for bleep 161, the Care After Death Service, 8am - 4pm Monday to Friday.
Bronglais General Hospital, the ward clerks can assist you. Please contact them on 01970 623131
If possible, please have the following information ready:
• Your telephone number so that you can be contacted when the certificate has been forwarded to the Registration Service.
• Whether a burial or a cremation is to take place which will enable preparation of the relevant paperwork for the funeral director.
• If decided, the name of the funeral director you wish to use.
When a death occurs in the community
If your relative has died at home, in a care home or in any of the Community Hospitals situated in the Hywel Dda University Health Board region, the General Practitioner (GP) will agree the cause of death with the Medical Examiner. Once a cause of death is agreed, the MCCD is then forwarded to the local Register Office. This is needed to register the death.
If you have any queries, your GP will be able to provide you with specific advice.
If your relative dies at home unexpectedly and has not seen their GP in the last 28 days, the Coroner’s Office will usually authorise a post-mortem to determine the cause of death.
From April 2024 the Medical Examiner Service will review all community deaths unless investigation is required by the Coroner’s Office.
The new legislation (from April 2024) will also allow a GP to complete a MCCD when they have seen the person in life and not in the last 28 days.
Visiting your loved one
Most people prefer to see their loved ones at the Funeral Director’s Chapel of Rest.
If you wish to visit your loved one in the Mortuary please contact the Mortuary Service Team; they will be able to arrange your appointment, ensuring you have time and support and can discuss memory-making options with you.
The Mortuary Service is available by appointment Monday – Friday. Other times may be available by arrangement, but only in exceptional circumstances.
You can contact the Mortuary Service between Monday and Friday 10.00am – 3.30pm.
Bronglais General Hospital
Telephone: 01970 623131 (All bereavement support is provided by the respective ward. Contact switchboard on the number provided and ask to be transferred to the required ward)
Glangwili General Hospital
Telephone: 01267 235151 (via switchboard and ask for bereavement service)
Prince Philip Hospital
Telephone: 01554 756567 (via switchboard and ask for bereavement service)
Withybush General Hospital
Telephone: 01437 772347 (direct link to bereavement officer) 01437 764545 (via switchboard and ask for extension 2347)
Clothing and valuables
Please arrange the collection of any property and valuables with the ward or contact the Bereavement Officers for advice. The ward and Mortuary Service can also help you with memory making.
Donation of body tissues
Many people find tissue donation a great source of comfort, and something positive that can come out of something sad. Such donations are used to save and enhance the lives of people with life threatening or debilitating conditions.
For further information, please visit: nhsbt.nhs.uk/what-we-do/transplantation-services
If you would like to discuss tissue donation in more detail, you can contact a nurse from the National Referral Centre on 0800 432 0559 (Freephone).
Contacting a Funeral Director
Following a death, you can contact a Funeral Director of your choice as soon as you are able so that they can start making preliminary arrangements on your behalf. You can do this before the Medical Certificate stating the cause of death has been issued. The Funeral Director will not finalise any arrangements until they have received confirmation that the death has been registered and they have the relevant paperwork. They will be able to give support and advice on many of the things you need to think about.
You may wish to do this yourself or consider the help of relatives or a trusted friend. Often relatives and friends want to help and support you in any way that they can.
Most Funeral Directors are available seven days a week. If you wish, they will visit your home to help and advise you on the necessary arrangements. Information on some Funeral Directors is available in this booklet, or you may wish to look at a full list available at www.yell.com
If you receive universal credit, pension credit, housing benefit or family credit, you can apply for help to cover the funeral costs. The Funeral Director will be able to help you, or you can obtain leaflet SF200 (Help when someone dies) from your local Department for Work and Pensions (DWP).
Please check these details carefully so that you understand which costs DWP will cover.
If you require any immediate financial assistance, for example regarding funeral costs, advice can be sought from Social Funds telephone: 0800 169 0140
The Coroner
In some circumstances, it may not be possible for a Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) to be issued. This may be due to the death being sudden, unexplained or unexpected.
The Coroner has a statutory and legal responsibility to investigate sudden deaths or deaths caused by accidents or industrial diseases.
The Coroner will facilitate the issue of the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death or, if an inquest is required, an Interim Certificate of Death. The Coroner’s Officer will get in touch with you to let you know when to proceed with the funeral arrangement.
Hospital post-mortem
On occasions, the Coroner may not require a post-mortem, however, the doctor who cared for your loved one may request a hospital post-mortem to help them determine the cause of death and help them in the treatment of other patients in the future. The medical team will discuss this with you.
You will be invited to consent to a post-mortem, which involves the completion of a post-mortem consent form. A member of the clinical staff will assist you in completing the form if you agree to consent.
There is also a small leaflet, which accompanies the consent form and provides more details. The hospital is very sensitive to any specific cultural or religious needs that must be adhered to. You will be asked about these during the consent process.
Following the post-mortem, you will be able to speak to the relevant doctor to find out the post-mortem result.
Whether you choose to consent to the examination (post-mortem) or not, the doctor should be in a position to issue the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD).
If an inquest is necessary
An inquest is an enquiry into the medical cause and circumstance of the death, if the cause of death remains uncertain after the post-mortem.
Registering the death
Once you have been notified that the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death is complete, you should contact the local Register Office to make an appointment to formally register the death.
You need to register the death in the same county that the death occurred. If the deceased was a visitor to the area or you do not live locally then it is possible to register “death by declaration” at your local Register Office. However, the paperwork will still need to be processed which can cause a delay. Your Funeral Director can provide further advice.
A designated next of kin should register the death.
If this is not possible, this can be done by:
• Someone present at the time of death
• An official from the hospital where the death occurred
• The person making the funeral arrangements
When you go to the Register Office, you will need to take the following:
• The Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD)
• Birth certificate
• Medical card or NHS number which can be provided by the hospital or GP surgery
• Marriage/Civil Partnership certificate if applicable
If you are unable to find any of these please speak to the Register Office for advice before you attend.
The informant needs to bring proof of identification e.g., Driving Licence, Passport or Utility Bill that has proof of address on.
The Registrar will need the following information:
Full name of the deceased (and any previous names)
Their date and place of birth (town, or country if born outside of England and Wales)
Usual home address and postcode
If the deceased was married or in a civil partnership, the date of birth of the surviving widow/widower or civil partner
Occupation and type of industry (If the deceased was married, in a civil partnership, widow, widower or surviving partnership the full name and occupation)
Name of Funeral Director and whether there will be a cremation or a burial
When the death is registered, the Register Office/Service will give you:
• Death certificates are provided by the Register Service for a fee, if you require more than one copy you can purchase as many as you need. The Register Office will be able to advise how many copies you might need.
• Certified copies of the Death Registration are required for matters such as insurance, bank accounts, premium bonds, pension claims, solicitors, etc.
• Green Form – to be given to your Funeral Director so that the funeral arrangements can go ahead
• Tell Us Once is completed at the time of registration. NOK are encouraged to complete information online or by telephone to DWP (Department for Work and Pensions).
‘Tell Us Once’ is a service that lets you report a death to most government organisations in one go. When you register the death, the Register Office will let you know.
The Register Office will give you a number to call. This includes Relay UK if you cannot hear or speak on the phone. If you’re a British Sign Language (BSL) user, there’s a video relay service if you’re on a computer – find out how to use the service on mobile or tablet.
After the funeral
Settling the deceased person’s estate can be confusing, time consuming and distressing. If you have been named as executor in a Will, it is your responsibility to see that the person’s wishes, as you understand them, are carried out. This will include payment of funeral expenses, debts and taxes, as well as the disposal of their possessions and other assets.
If someone dies without leaving a valid Will, this is known as dying intestate. It is necessary to obtain a ‘Grant of letters of administration’ from the Probate Registry in order to administer the estate. The Probate Registry of Wales can be contacted on:
Cardiff: 029 2047 4373
Carmarthen: 01267 245057
Further advice and information can be obtained through the Citizen’s Advice Bureau www.citizensadvice.org.uk
When someone dies
Bereavement is a unique and personal experience. We all have our own way of grieving.
Grief is a normal reaction to the loss of someone we knew or loved and is a normal process that helps us to come to terms with change. There are no right or wrong ways to grieve and sadly, there are no short cuts.
It is normal to experience a range of emotions such as feeling shock, numbness, anger, guilt or feeling more anxious. This may be accompanied by restlessness, especially at night when it may be difficult to sleep.
All these are natural reactions to bereavement and not a sign that you are unable to cope.
During this time, you may need the support of others. Do not be afraid to speak about your feelings to someone, this is often a difficult time for family and friends too. They may be afraid to speak about your loved one
for fear of upsetting you. It may be necessary for you to take the first step and let them know you want to talk and would like their support.
It is important that you allow yourself time to grieve and come to terms with your bereavement in whatever way is right for you.
Chaplaincy – pastoral, religious and spiritual guidance
The Chaplaincy Team at the hospital is available to provide care and support. Chaplains help by giving time and listening to people and from experience may provide practical advice and are not just there for the religious. We offer supportive care to people of all faiths and no faith.
There are chapels/quiet rooms available on all acute sites. These are separate from the Chapels of Rest / Viewing Rooms, and you may use them for quiet and reflection, whether or not you belong to a particular denomination or faith.
Chaplaincy offers a very informal ‘Listening service’ to those who have been bereaved. This is not a religious or long-term counselling service, but it could help you if you wish to talk with someone outside your immediate circle of family and friends. You may contact soon after your bereavement or many months after your loss.
To make contact please ask for a member of the Chaplaincy Team Glangwili General Hospital switchboard on 01267 235151.
It helps to talk
We need to express our pain and grief for us to process it. You may find you need to talk about the events leading up to your loved one’s death, and about the death itself, many times. This is quite natural and is one of the ways we gradually make sense of what has happened. It is good to talk to family and friends or seek professional help and speak with your GP.
Avoid isolation
Grief can be an incredibly lonely and isolating experience. Being with others, friends or a support group, who have also experienced loss, can be a great help.
Accept that you will not be functioning as effectively as usual for a while. Poor concentration and memory are normal. Seek support to help and try not to set yourself unrealistic tasks for each day. You may feel very much out of control. It is often helpful to put a little structure into your day, planning household chores in the morning and a little gentle exercise in the afternoon. Our grief can be felt in our bodies so a gentle walk or other exercise can relieve tension. Plan treats as well to allow yourself a break from the pain. Going to a film you enjoy or a visit to a friend is important and does not mean you have in any way forgotten your loved one.
Remember
There are no rules for grief. Everyone is unique, and we grieve in our own way and in our own time. You may find these guidelines helpful.
Learn to listen to yourself, to find what works for you. Accept that what helps initially may not help as much later.
You may wish to seek further support to help in your grief. Your GP may be able to help you and is the person to go to in the first instance. If you need additional support, they may be able to recommend a local counsellor or support group. Other organisations that may be able to help are listed on the following pages.
Do you need to speak to someone now?
24 HOUR SUPPORT LINES
Samaritans 116 123 (UK) For anyone at anytime for any reason
Childline 0800 1111 Support for 18yrs & under and their relatives
Silverline 0800 470 8090 Support for the over 50s
Hywel Dda Bereavement
Support Services
Offers specialist bereavement counselling to residents within Carmarthenshire, which includes children and young people. They can be contacted to discuss Bereavement Support needs.
Tel: 01267 227639 or 01554 783564
CRUSE Bereavement Care
Offers bereavement counselling, advice, information, and social contact.
UK National Helpline: 0808 808 1677
Email: helpline@cruse.org.uk
Samaritans
Samaritans can be contacted at any time, day or night, and someone will be available to listen and provide confidential and nonjudgmental emotional support.
Tel: 116 123 (English) or 0808 164 0123 (Welsh)
Patient support services (feedback and complaints)
Tel: 0300 0200 159
Email: hdhb.patientsupportservices@ wales.nhs.uk
Online: Using our feedback form Post: Freepost Feedback @ Hywel Dda
National Bereavement
Partnership Helpline
Tel: 0800 448 0800
Between 7am and 10pm for emotional support.
Grief Talk
Tel: 0808 802 0111
Support for anyone from any phone for free session with a Grieftalk counsellor
Monday to Friday 9am – 9pm
Bereavement Advice Centre
Tel: 0800 634 9494
Practical advice (9am – 5pm)
Bereavement Trust
Tel: 0800 435 455
Emotional and practical advice (6 – 10pm)
Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide
Tel: 0300 111 5065
9am – 9pm every day
The Compassionate Friends
Tel: 0345 123 2304
Open every day
10am – 4pm, 7am – 10 pm
2Wish
Supporting sudden deaths in children and young adults
www.2wish.org.uk
Tel: 01443 853125
The DPJ Foundation
Support for farmers, farm contractors and their families
Email: kate@thedpjfoundation.co.uk
The Jac Lewis Foundation –Ammanford
Email: admin@jaclewisfoundation. co.uk
Good Grief Trust www.thegoodgrieftrust.org
Winston’s Wish
www.winstonswish.org
Tel: 08088 020 021
Pembrokeshire Counselling Service
Tel: 01437 768708
HAHAV
Living Well and Bereavement Services
Plas Antaron, Southgate, Aberystwyth, SY23 1SF
Tel: 01970 611 550 www.hahav.org.uk
Children’s Bereavement
Support Services
Tel: 01267 227639
Child Bereavement UK
Information and support line.
Tel: 0800 028 8840
Sandy Bear
Support for children and young people
Europa House, 115 Charles Street, Milford Haven, Pembrokeshire SA73 2HW www.sandybear.co.uk
Marie Curie
Tel: 0800 090 2309
Open Monday – Friday 8am – 6pm
Open Saturday 11am – 5pm
Practical and clinical information and support on all aspects of end of life and bereavement. www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/ support/bereaved-family-friends/ practical-legal/register-a-death
Wales/Cymru Specific Organisations
Nightingale House Hospice
Paul Sartori Foundation, Haverfordwest
Email: info@paulsartori.org
Mid & North Powys Mind/ Carmarthen and Llanelli Mind
Email: carers@mindcarmarthen.org.uk
Hope Again
Email: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk
Email: gdpr@cruse.org.uk
Platform, Swansea
Email: connect@platfform.org
Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic Mental Health Support
Ethnic Minorities and Youth Support Team Wales (eyst)
Email: info@eyst.org.uk
Age Cymru
Email: reception@agecymrudyfed.org.uk
Ponthafren Association, Welshpool & Newtown Long Bridge Street, Newtown, Powys
SY16 2DY
Tel: 01686 621586
Email: admin@ponthafren.org.uk
LBGTQ+ Cymru
Email: info@lgbtcymru.org.uk
Sue Ryder
Other Useful links
National Specialist Support Services
Online Community and Online Bereavement Counselling.
Sudden
Support for people bereaved by sudden death.
Muslim Bereavement Support Service
Support for Muslim women after the death of a loved one.
Jewish Bereavement Support Services
Support for the Jewish community after a death.
Sudden Arrhythmic Death
Advice and support after Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome.
Drug and Alcohol Addiction
Support for those who have lost someone through substance misuse.
Road Peace
The sudden, unexpected and traumatic experience of a road death or serious injury can be emotionally overwhelming. And the police investigations, inquests and court procedures which may follow are often unfamiliar and disorientating. RoadPeace can help.
Breaking Bad News
Advice on breaking bad news to someone with an intellectual disability.
Advocacy After Fatal Domestic Abuse
Help guiding families through Inquiries including Domestic Homicide Reviews and Mental Health Reviews, and we assist with and represent on Inquests, Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC) inquiries and other reviews.
Support after Suicide Partnership
Advice and guidance to all those affected by suicide.
Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide
Helping overcome isolation of those bereaved by suicide (over 18).
War Widows
Advice and help to all those who have been widowed in conflict since WW2.
London Friend
Support and counselling for the LGB&T community.
Grief Encounter
Support for bereaved children and their families.
SAMMS
Support after Murder and Manslaughter.
Stopping Junk Mail to the recently deceased
If someone you know has died, the amount of unwanted marketing post being sent to them can be greatly reduced which helps to stop painful daily reminders.
By registering with the free service www.stopmail.co.uk the names and addresses of the deceased are removed from mailing lists, stopping most advertising mail within as little as six weeks. If you cannot access the internet you can call 0808 168 9607, where you will be asked for very simple information that will take only a few minutes to complete.
This free of charge service provided by the Bereavement Support Network will actively reduce the unwanted marketing mail but also can help reduce the likelihood of identity theft following the death of someone close. The information is not used for any other purpose, and you only have to complete this once.
Additionally, to Stop Mail a comparable service can also be accessed from the Bereavement Register or Deceased Preference Service if you would prefer to use them.
What family and friends can do to help
• Discuss with the individual if they would like any support or help with anything
• Be mindful we all experience grief differently, no one grieves the same
• Just be there for the bereaved – it is not always necessary to say anything
• Allow for the expression of feelings. Suggest further support if needed
• Help with the practicalities which can often feel overwhelming when we experience bereavement
• Offering support, so the individual can have space and time to process and reflect
• Recognise anniversaries, such as Christmas and birthdays may be more challenging, and further support around significant dates can be offered
It can be difficult for people to understand why the bereaved person may keep covering the same ground, talking, and becoming distressed repeatedly about the same things. This is an important part of the grief process and is okay. Not mentioning the name of the person who has died can lead to a sense of isolation and can add grief for the bereaved.
Talking to children about death
As adults, we feel the need to protect our children from things that we might find difficult. We can assume that children will not understand death and bereavement, or that it will be too upsetting for them.
If you have concerns regarding a child and how they are processing their grief, please speak with a GP for support.
We can often underestimate a child’s ability to cope. Like adults, children find it confusing to cope if they are not told the truth about what is happening and can be more frightened by their own imagination.
You may wish to consider offering children the choice about whether they wish to attend the funeral or not.
The future
The length of time to grieve varies from person to person. Some things such as the sadness at the death and missing the lost person may never go away completely but the pain gets less with time. Many people find that although life will never be the same again, there does come a time when they can begin to enjoy living again.
Grief has no time frame, we never ‘get over’ the death of a loved one, but over time, we learn to adapt to life with our loss.
GIVING IN MEMORY
Remembering a loved one with a donation in their memory is a wonderful way to honour a special person during a difficult time. By choosing to support your local NHS charity the memory of your loved one will help us to enhance local NHS services.
Funeral
collections
Asking friends and family to make a donation in lieu of flowers at a funeral or memorial service is a meaningful way to remember your loved one. If you would like to ask for donations to be made to support Hywel Dda Health Charities, please contact us to request collection envelopes to use at the service. Tribute funds
A Hywel Dda Health Charities tribute fund is an online memorial that you can create and personalise in memory of a loved one; it is a place for you to remember and celebrate the life of someone who is special to you. You can set up your tribute fund at www.muchloved.com
Take
part in an event
Fundraising in memory is an incredibly special and unique way to honour someone close to you. Whether it is a cake sale or a sky dive, there are so many ways you can raise sponsorship in memory of a loved one.
Make a donation
If you would like to celebrate the life of a loved one by making a one-off donation to Hywel Dda Health Charities, you can donate easily at www.hywelddahealthcharities.org.uk
If you would prefer to donate by post, please make cheques payable to ‘Hywel Dda Health Charities’ and send to Hywel Dda Health Charities, Hafan Derwen, St David’s Park, Jobswell Road, Carmarthen, SA31 3BB. Remember to include your contact details and please do not send any money through the post.
However you choose to support us in memory of someone special - thank you.
We are the official charity of Hywel Dda University Local Health Board and exist to make a positive difference to the health, wellbeing and experience of NHS patients, service users and staff.
The information in this booklet is up to date at the time of publication. We would like to thank our sponsors, without whom this booklet would not be possible. However, we cannot endorse the services advertised.
Reference: Withybush General Hospital Bereavement Booklet
Publication date: December 2024
Review date: December 2026
The Hospital would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from services o ering their help at this time.
Whilst the Hospital is grateful of their support it does not endorse or recommend any of the services that they provide.
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stopping mail
STOPPING JUNK MAIL
It is distressing to deal with a bereavement and unsolicited mail can be insensitive and destructive during a grieving process.
By scanning the below QR code on your phone or visiting www.stopmail.co.uk, we are able to securely share this information with mailing organisations and under the Data Protection Act the information will not be used for any other purpose.
Other benefits reduce the possibility of identity fraud, such as assumed identity and you will only have to supply the information once.
